Hey kids you are about to listen to a
comedy podcast
this means that none of this is medical
voice of you need medical advice or
medical care please contact your doctor
Ho ho ho welcome to a very special
episode of the Jock Doc Podcast
featuring jolly old Dr. London Smith
he puts the ho in homozygous familial
hypercholesterolemia introducing your
Host Doctor London hello and welcome to
the jock doc podcast where we discuss
fitness and health and how to
incorporate our modern understanding of
science and medicine into our daily
lives but without it being so boring I’m
your host Dr. London smith.com
I would like to begin by apologizing to
our listeners we’ve received some
feedback complaining about the overuse
of technical medical terminology such as
laboratory results Hanukkah Christmas
and Happy Holidays
so I will try to keep those reined in in
the future here to help with that is our
producer Cameron okay
so Cameron why doesn’t it give everyone
a Christmas gift and just shut his Yap
Cameron thought to himself but he
couldn’t be too mad at Dr. London
because Christmas was right around the
corner Oh Cameron are you narrating
what’s up are you are you speaking in
like your thoughts out loud wait can you
hear that yeah no that’s super no I
think that you’re just hearing I just
got a like a so no system installed you
know like the whole home speaker audio
setup that’s probably what you’re
hearing okay cuz it’s sound like I was
playing Counting Crows in the other room
that’s what you’re thinking of I didn’t
hear anything about didn’t sound like
music sound like you just talking I I
don’t know I don’t know what
I can’t hear what you’re hearing dr.
Huang done okay
so Cameron he’s so in tune with the
latest trends in the world that ever
since he heard about the war on
Christmas he has been spending several
hours of each day next to Christmas
trees that he deems to be suspiciously
quiet in order to learn what secrets
they are hiding for their leader so
Cameron from what I understand you
intend to use this information to make
the podcast more relevant what the hell
is he talking about
Cameron thought but he couldn’t be too
mad at dr. London because he knew that
at the end of this episode dr. London
was gonna have a huge Christmas surprise
waiting for him that’s really all he can
think about okay hey answer your
question dr. London yet Christmas trees
love them they’re so great okay one
small ones any size all right
also with us is DJ doing the house and
later Cameron tells me that we can
expect a guest so look forward to that
that’s right dr. London and it’s a very
very important guest probably one of our
most important guests oh really well
okay so someone who’s like maybe a
scientist or a physician maybe but
definitely more important than the guy
who made that app where you smell stuff
okay so okay priority goes this new
guest and then him the whiff app yeah
okay and then everyone else is third
okay so it’s in that order okay yep so
prior to this the whiff app guessed the
maker of the whip with app was
the top guests in your mind I was the
most important like culturally important
and also just sort of you know
beneficial to be on this show yes okay
okay well I I guess I don’t feel exactly
the same way but we can go on from there
before we move on though I would like to
dress a bit of listener feedback closure
would be nice for dr. London to maybe
kind of listen to some of my suggestions
and odds cameron thought but he couldn’t
be too bad at dr. London because he knew
that by the end of this episode dr.
London would be giving him a gift worth
of at least a million dollars and that
was keeping him motivated so Cameron I
can hear what you’re saying I can I said
it huh I and I said it was a song in the
other room Cameron what are you thinking
about I guess I should ask that well
what do you what are you talking about I
guess okay so I guess what I mean here
so I should ask you how are you feeling
what’s going on in your mind well I’m
just saying if you describe the Counting
Crows song you’re hearing I bet I can
tell you which one it is if that’s the
issue I’m like a human Shazam
okay no no that’s that’s alright like
London dr. London ductile and say say
hit me baby one more time to me okay hit
me baby one more time Britney Spears I
just do that okay well I didn’t even
like sing it so it could have just been
like you see that’s more of a quote okay
okay so that makes me even better than
Shazam Oh because you can do it with our
flexible yeah I don’t even need the
music
Wow okay well so for this listener
feedback
quote cute idea for a centerpiece I
remember eating candy corn with my
cousin’s when we went to the neighbor’s
house anyway it would take tar off the
roof and chew it as gum mmm YUM kids
don’t know what they’re missing these
days end quote
so to this listener first of all thank
you so much for writing into the Jacque
talk podcast we love hearing from you to
answer your question I do not think that
I can recommend chewing tar-like gum I
can’t agree with you that kids these
days do have a much different upbringing
especially with technology and
everything hopefully though it’s it’s
improving and we’re all getting better
as a society hearing the way dr. London
talked about these guests not letting
them shoot our even on Christmas
he must be somewhat of a Scrooge yes
maybe there’s some way that we can give
him a good Christmas make him cheery
that way he’ll stop treating everyone so
poorly
Cameron thought to himself but he
couldn’t be too bad at dr. London
because he knew that by the end of this
episode dr. London was going to give him
at least one vehicle worth over a
million dollars well okay to do that
listener thank you for that question
so Cameron do you and this is I guess
this is just me thinking out loud a
little bit do you think that I’m gonna
give you something worth a million
dollars I I don’t like guessing
Christmas gifts you know I feel like
that takes the fun of opening the gift
okay but you you think like you are
working under an assumption that I’m
gonna give you something oh I I mean you
would you would texted me and you said
let’s record today it’s the it’s
Christmas right and you so I mean you
know yeah so I really like this everyone
and you can’t trick me into I know your
to what you’re trying to do you’re
trying to mislead me so that the gift
is a surprise you can’t trick me like
that I know you would never ever just
not give me a gift for Christmas yeah
well I might give you a gift but I am a
million dollar gift is not not really in
my budget oh okay okay sorry I didn’t
realize what you were doing okay okay
oh yeah no of course dr. London I would
never expect something like that I’m
sure you’re just gonna give me like a
like a stamp or something for my stamp
collection okay good I knew I knew that
your stamp collection was very important
to you so I after London so crazy he
thinks he’s gonna convince me that he
doesn’t have a gift worth over two
million dollars ready for me at the end
of this podcast Yeah right why would he
would never do that even dr. London’s
not that selfish Cameron thought to
himself but he couldn’t be too mad at
dr. London because he knew that at the
end of the podcast dr. London is going
to give him a gift worth three million
dollars and now for a tail from surgery
a patient was scheduled for an elective
surgery he was going to be under
anesthesia and for any patient
undergoing surgery like this he needed
to have someone else driving him but is
driving him home from the procedure
however he insisted on using a ride
share app on his phone rather than using
an emergency contact this is also not
permitted because no rideshare company
would want that kind of legal
responsibility so the nurse informed him
that he needed a friend or family member
to pick him up for the procedure at
first he refused and then he finally
gave in and he wrote down a phone number
however when the nurse called that phone
number while the patient was in surgery
that turned out to be the patient’s
phone number this this of course turnu a
very stressful situation for our staff
as we attempted to make accommodations
by finding and contacting the patient’s
family so if you ever find yourself
going into surgery please be kind enough
to leave appropriate and
Meishan so that we can serve you in the
most optimal way possible and if you are
a patient who maybe doesn’t have many
close people in their lives just know
that when you tell this information to
your doctor they will share it on their
podcast later okay well let’s move on
from there now for today’s medical topic
core tation of the aorta so Corrick
tation of the aorta
is a congenital malformation in which
there is a narrowing or is winslet open
this place I kind of want one of those
sandwiches that’s like all the meats and
all the cheese’s that they have but I
feel like it’s probably closed this late
I mean I guess I could see in worst case
scenario I could go to the store and
make a sandwich myself but never taste
quite as good
Kameron thought to himself he couldn’t
be too disappointed because he knew that
at the end of this podcast dr. London
was going to give him a Christmas gift
worth the entire moon so partition of
the aorta is a congenital malformation
in which there is a narrowing or
constriction of the aorta that typically
leads to obstruction between the earlier
and later portions of the aorta it’s
like having a bit of a kink in the main
pipeline from the heart at a certain
point oh yeah nice dr. London yeah what
you got you got something a little
freaky going on specific to you you know
what I mean that’s cool man that’s cool
I mean it’s 2019 like I think we can be
cool about that so so it’s a kink in the
main pipeline
oh no no dude a kink in the main
pipeline yeah I get it
you don’t have to get too graphic this
is a show that’s for kids mostly
[Applause]
it’s from the heart so this that kink
and the pipeline results in the high
blood pressure in the upper extremities
like the arms and low blood pressure in
the lower extremities okay so there are
many symptoms but you can note delayed
pulses and the femoral arteries which
those are the ones in the legs when
compared with the radial arteries which
are the ones on the wrists it’s it’s
legs that’s here that’s the that’s the
kink in your pipe your it’s legs okay no
so whatever doing keen I thought you’re
I think you’re talking about like I
don’t know like you were into like the
color blue or something but legs oh why
are you talking about this on the
podcast dr. lemon it’s not that kind of
show at all okay well I’m not sure I
follow because I was saying that so
there’s a kink in that way no I really
loud loud and clear you’ve got a kink in
your pipeline and it’s all focused on
legs hey you do you but I don’t need to
hear about it man anyway you’ll have
delayed pulses and the femoral arteries
if you compare them to the ones and the
wrists which the radial arteries in
diagnosis the EKGs will typically show
that the left lower chamber of the heart
is bigger from having to push against
that higher pressure and a chest x-ray
can show a notching of the ribs from
blood vessels expanding with increased
blood delivery mm-hmm
dr. London sure is a leg freak came and
thought to himself but you know maybe
this time of year I shouldn’t judge I
mean I would never let him around me
again in any kind of one-on-one scenario
because ish but I should let him be him
Cameron thought to himself again but he
couldn’t be too grossed out by dr.
London because he knew that at the end
of this podcast dr. London was going to
give him 7 million dollars worth of
Facebook share
so as I was saying the the chest x-ray
can show a notching of the ribs from
blood vessels expanding with increased
blood delivery and the indentation of
the aorta itself may be seen so it’s
it’s a structural problem which means
that treatment is typically going to be
surgery
so that’s Court ation of the aorta
Cameron are you under the impression
that I have shares in Facebook by any
chance uh no no one told me anything
about that about you knowing Mark
Zuckerberg or you know having lots of
shares on Facebook I know nothing about
that okay because I I should let you
know I don’t have have any shares in
facebook no I oh I understand doctor a
lot didn’t believe me dr. London you
don’t have to do this whole like show in
like surprise and stuff it’s very sweet
but you you don’t have to keep doing
that okay I just I don’t want you to get
like a false impression of sort or like
expectations too high or anything
because like I know about your stamp
collection and that you were hoping that
like one anyway
but so we’re on the same page right like
let’s not raise expectations too too
high low because sometimes you you seem
to take things out of context and then
or pull things from another context and
like make you know expand it in your
head does that make sense yeah yeah yeah
I don’t let me let me see what page I’m
on though what page yeah hold on one
second I gotta check I have a earmarked
wait what it what is that that you’re
reading
okay okay I’m on page 1 are you on page
1 what what are you reading from I’m not
sure what page a where’s spot the
children about the little yellow dog
with a big brown spot yeah so I’m not
I’m sorry you dog eared the first page
you well yeah I didn’t want to lose my
spot hole spot spot that’s pretty funny
I guess you know whenever you’re
starting a book you usually don’t have
to bookmark the your dog ear whatever
the first page because that’s usually
where you start what if you come back to
it and you think you’re on page 2 well I
usually think back to how far I got in
the book and if it was not past the
first page then there’s no real
confusion for me usually does which
would still do brownies they used to do
brownies but I feel like lately I’ve
only seen cookies I guess that would be
okay I’d really prefer the brownie just
has a little dessert with my sandwich
Cameron thought to himself but he
couldn’t be too mad about the dessert
choices at which-which because he knew
that at the very end of this podcast dr.
London was going to give him 15 million
dollars in beanie babies I feel like
you’re raising some expectation for me
to do something here and I gotta say I
don’t I don’t know if I’m gonna be able
to meet whatever expectations you have
my only expectation is that you be just
a good friend to me on Christmas that’s
it just like a I’m a good friend to you
that’s the only thing I expect nothing
boring okay well in that case obviously
we could close friends and co-workers
give each other gifts that have the
value that they believe they deserve
right okay Cameron do we have any
sponsors today we do dr. London and
guess what guess who it is
yes okay
it what’s one of those big ones I guess
like an audiobook kind of thing or no
scrubs what what’s the theme of this
specific episode okay so it’s like a
medical like some sort of new medication
that’s like top of the line like some
brand new thing that helps with I don’t
know all the time what what’s the theme
of this episode in relation to the time
of year that it happens to be the theme
of the episode I guess is coarctation of
the aorta okay doctor when can I talk to
you privately real quick okay this is
private wait it’s only us here and DJ
Dylan of course yeah but just like
without the audience you want to talk
without audio yeah okay
why can we talk I don’t I don’t
understand how this is difficult can we
speak to each other
sure okay okay I think we’re talking on
did the theme the theme of the episode
is Christmas it’s Christmas time is
really more focused on Christmas
presents Christmas is this week that’s
the theme of it okay everything you look
outside yes and you just say can you
just say it’s Christmas it’s Christmas
I’m sorry okay it’s Christmas okay great
oh yeah that’s right dr. London you’re
so smart it’s Christmas time and you
know what happens every year around
Christmas time what are some things that
happen
airports get pretty busy yes people are
traveling a lot of people get off work
yeah people go Christmas shopping yes
sometimes they’ll go to the mall
yes oh
okay that’s actually despite yourself
that’s actually getting close to what
we’re talking about today a lot of
people go to the mall and they might
take pictures with a certain man a
certain gift giver who lives up north do
you know who I’m talking about dr.
London I guess it’s so wealthy from up
north
yes yeah he’s only just got in the world
dr. London come on is it who’s that now
it’s not Bill Gates it’s the the Amazon
guy him yeah it’s Jeff Bezos but during
Christmas time Jeff Bezos is Santa right
I I didn’t realize that there was a
cross over there I thought Jeff Bezos
sort of kept his money to himself more
or less well I have to assume that the
same guy I’ve never seen him in the same
room together and he’s the only one who
could afford that much manufacturing and
it’s weird that he got into a busy
turned his you know book selling
business into giving away all these toys
and stuff come on proofs in the pudding
regardless it’s Santa just say it’s
Santa well who what are what are some
things people do at the mall they take
pictures with a certain man from up
north yeah so I guess people at the mall
take pictures with Jeff Bezos type like
a Santa Claus is that what you’re yes
[Music]
dr. London you’re so smart it’s Santa
Claus now okay you don’t have them all
but we have a better experience in our
very own DJ Dylan’s basement yes yes is
coming to my basement so come and get
your picture taken that’s right dr.
London you heard it here first
if you come to DJ Dylan’s basement this
Saturday from 4 a.m. to 7:30 a.m. you
will get to sit on the lap of Santa and
get your picture taken with any
Instagram effect you want on the picture
ok well and one odd thing there so
Christmas isn’t following on like if it
this Saturday it’d be after Christmas
Christmas this is the only day that
worked with everyone’s schedule because
of the holidays ok so after after
everyone opens their presents and like
has their time with family then like
towards the middle of the week then on
the weekend they can go to the mall and
I guess ask Santa for next year’s
presents is that the idea yes I next
year’s next year’s presents or maybe
like I don’t know I don’t I don’t know
how Santa operates maybe he can like
throw in some extra stuff afterwards you
know I don’t know how he deals with
returns and whatnot actually returns
that’s what he should really be dealing
with so if you got a Christmas gift that
you hate this weekend come to DJ Dylan’s
basement you said the mall dr. London DJ
Dylan’s basement you will get to sit on
Santa’s lap and tell him about all the
things that you’re returning
oh wow okay do you also I guess would be
a time to thank Santa for bringing the
gifts oh yeah pray to him for sure like
any well I don’t know I usually don’t
pray to him it’s more like you ask him
or you you tell him what you’ve been
good and he kind of evaluates whether
you’ve been good it’s that kind of thing
okay you don’t think kids are praying to
the guy who sees them when they’re
sleeping and knows when he’s they’re
awake but regardless this Saturday come
on by we’ll get you some beer we’ll get
you some Molly we’re gonna like you know
it’s kind of a party that like never
stops you know what I mean
I mean it does stop at 7:30 a.m. yes so
that’s sort of the vibe going on Santa’s
lap and at 4:00 a.m. and then you sit on
Santa’s lap and you say hey you got
these shoes but they don’t fit quite
right
and he goes oh I could exchange those
and then you know he’ll take the shoes
yeah you know whatever after that I
don’t know I’m in charge of it well okay
well who so I guess DJ Dylan’s in charge
of it well I mean doctor wanted you
you’re Santa okay
no I’m so I’m dr. London smith.com I
know you’ve mistaken me for other people
before we can we talk in private again
away from the audience okay dr. London I
know that I know that you are not
literally Santa but in this instance you
were playing Jeff Bezos slash Santa for
our annual event oh okay I the thing is
you talked about scheduling a costume is
this confusing
well now the part that’s confusing to me
is that you said this is what worked out
with everyone’s schedule to go this
Saturday after Christmas from 4:00 a.m.
to 7:30 a.m. that that’s what worked for
everyone it sounds like the Santa you I
was never asked say if I’m free on like
at that time why would I ask you about
your schedule you think I don’t know
your schedule well I I can tell you that
I had plans to be asleep for those hours
on Saturday not anymore
did you check your schedule yeah I mean
I make my schedule so that’s I would
suggest checking another look at your
schedule because there might be
something there from 4 to 7:30 on
Saturday anyway we’re just going in
circles here this Saturday
DJ Dylan’s basement bring all your gifts
back and also and so you’re trying to
bring kids and for this right the
children yeah sure so so probably the
whole idea of having Molly and beer and
everything that that probably won’t
appeal to them so much unless we’re
talking like maybe root beer all right
well that’s not our responsibility of
who gets what you know gas stations
aren’t like oh well you know kids might
come in here so we can’t have beer
around yeah I guess just advertising it
sounds like it you’re trying to
advertise to children well which I guess
you’ve mentioned this that this is how
we have our guitar podcast how do you
get children in you appeal to their
parents what’s the Pixar methodology
okay all right well I don’t we pride for
workshops on these details but I guess
for the sake of the advertisement it’s
all on the schedules okay so to our
listeners check out DJ Dylan’s basement
this Saturday you know after Christmas
in the morning for three and a half
hours from 4:00 to 7:30 a.m. and you
know maybe I’ll be there okay
Cameron you said that we have a very
important guest today we absolutely do
dr. London
one of our most important yet hi would
you like to come on the show thank you
for having me on thank you for coming
all this way and I’m very nervous
because what I’ve got to say is a little
alarming before we get into that why
don’t want to you tell dr. London and
our audience who you are and and where
you come from give us a little
background info okay my family is
originally from the South Pole I’m a
southern elf oh nice
do you have you seen a lot of polar
bears don’t they or penguins I don’t
remember which ones the South Pole thing
now we know where we lived there was no
animal life around us well doctor one do
you have any questions for our guests
yeah okay so what um what brings you to
the podcast what brings you on here well
can’t you kind of drop some truth bombs
on all of you guys already for what I
had to say it’s not it’s not about dr.
London is it because I’ve been
suspecting some things for like a long
time not that I’m aware of now okay okay
good good good oh good great great okay
yeah yeah so let’s hear these truth
bombs so I have been working in the
North Pole since I was a young child
unfortunately I stand to the highers
well not really hires but forces into
working every elf eligible age and that
age is unfortunately three years old oh
my gosh wait so your family’s from the
South Pole but Santa’s all the way up in
the North Pole so did he came to your
home and I mean we did he hire you or
what’s going on well he came down to the
South Pole and he was promising my daddy
job security he was promising my bad
a jolly work environment he was
promising my daddy all the carrots that
he could eat because we love carrots
yeah as LM sorry of course I have a
question here how old was your father
than was was he over three years old
then my father was 16 years old at the
time
why now 16 and this is how long ago
thirty years thirty years okay and I so
I have a follow-up question here because
you said working age for an Alf was
three years old and I’m not familiar
with elf anatomy and physiology yeah
well it’s just not like I specialize
more in human anatomy and physiology if
that makes sense
it’s 2020 and you can’t be throwing
around terms like elf and human how
about treat everyone equally a little
bit okay I’m just because like the same
way that I don’t know a polar bear might
mature at a different rate physically
from a human I’m just an animal to you
well what I’m saying is that I don’t I
didn’t want to tell my story people like
you I’m so sorry
yeah it’s his judgmental attitude dr.
London what are you getting at what I’m
wondering is are you sort of physically
an adult by the age of three do you you
know progress through infancy toddler
adolescence at an increased rate
compared to a human because for humans
three years old would be far too young
to even be capable of working does that
make sense
all right average lifespan in the health
community is seven hundred years so you
do the math well so so three for you is
like basically fresh out of the womb
that’s like being a second old
Wow dr. Lennon she’s talking about child
labour well and you’re here trying to
figure out the growth rate of elves what
are you doing pay attention victim
shaming well and I’m sorry if it came
across that way I was more wondering
just on the practical and why you they
would want you to work at that age
because it sounds like it’s too young to
even be able to work that’s your concern
about this situation is the logistics
that’s you see children working in a
factory and you’re concerned about the
efficiency of the job I’ve just never
seen that young of a person physically
little little seven year olds making
iPhones in another country you look at
that situation and say well you know
they could be exporting a lot more
iPhones if they had gotten some
professionals in here methinks you’re
missing the point good sir so you were
saying that a good laugh he said you
come up to the North Pole I’ll make you
manager over the hammer toys and he was
promising to my daddy all this stuff and
he was really thinking about it and then
we there started to be a little bit of a
change when my daddy was kind of
thinking he wasn’t gonna go we started
to feel like we needed to get on his
sleigh and go with him or we would
regret it
father what what did he what did he do
to make you feel mmm it sure would be
bad if my friend dear obliterated this
whole village of all your family get on
my sleigh I would hate to see the
carnage that you would experience the
exact same stuff with me he says oh if
you don’t stop doing that I’m gonna call
the police
well Cameron that’s whenever you you
have pull a gun well at a park with
children like there’s a playground for
those situations I do threaten to call
the police because I don’t want to okay
but what was I doing with the gun well
you were you were showing a child how it
worked and how to take it apart no we
were playing cops and robbers okay I
guess I didn’t
regardless you had a gun and gave one to
the child as well which I guess well
yeah I’m not gonna play with some like
kiddie fake stuff well so I look at old
a kiddie fake thing would be good for
the child but in any case bringing a gun
and playing with kids with a gun is
unsafe and so that’s why I had to call
the police
well I threatened to and then talked you
down after you ran away anyway back to
yeah you talked me down from that tree
that was so up so high up in that tree
and I was waving my gun around and I was
gonna start shooting some of the robbers
and caught me down from it anyway I
don’t I’m not mad anymore whatever okay
yeah we can go back to okay so Santa was
threatening I guess in a similar manner
to the way that I was threatening to
call the police
Santa was threatening to obliterate your
family or your communities what it
sounds like but is are we talking about
rain reindeer stomping are we talking
about maybe reindeer piercing with
antlers or reindeer eating I don’t I
don’t know
I don’t really know what the logistics
are here of the obliteration mm-hmm
reindeer are magical creatures so it’s
as far as your imagination can take it
I saw our witness things that I would
never in a million years be able to
describe did he carry out the threat
then the second week got on the sleigh
he closed the door he said we’re on our
way and before that happened he let the
reindeer loose and they completely
obliterated my entire village everyone
that didn’t get on the sleigh
my uncle champi okay ah such Wow it’s
like Sodom and Gomorrah almost and so
whenever you say that it’s whatever your
imagination says did you close your eyes
and then the reindeer did something or
did each person see the reindeer do
something else magical to destroy the
village there were just so many things I
saw stomping I saw piercing some lasers
coming out of their eyes it’s probably
read off you don’t even know what else
read off came my gosh can he make
himself really big like this like the
Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and
Ghostbusters and then just kind of like
stomp on everything around the city like
he’s Godzilla well what I saw him doing
was roasting
oh gosh he was insulting people oh
that’s so telling about he was told him
that their mom was so fat that the
they’re like maybe her like maybe her
come on Cameron you got this like maybe
her shoe size is the like yeah we’re
like a like a it would it would like
fill up Tallahassee yeah okay so so man
the reindeer roasted people to death
where’s the gift for us oh wow I’m sorry
I said people I guess elves so different
than people from what I understand Wow
[Music]
I’m about to Lok Twitter your app if you
don’t watch it true colors I guess this
is it this is I guess what I signed on
to be with okay well I’m sorry I didn’t
mean it to to sound like I’m being
prejudiced it’s just that there is sound
prejudice but you just can’t help it it
just pours out of you
oh there’s obviously difference these
two things are obviously not equal okay
interesting it’s just interesting that’s
all clumpy what else can you tell us
about the situation going on well but
these work environments you’re talking
well in the progression of what happened
because so Santa flew your family to the
North Pole and then you started working
right around and we’ve not stopped
leavin never been able to stop sense
what do you mean like you work every day
are you saying you don’t even stop to
sleep there’s very little sleep
happening very little eating very little
poop breaks oh my gosh I’m working this
is just my tiny act of making these toys
every single day of the year and then
Santa comes whatever he’s standing over
me he whispers in my ear oh oh I smell
the peppermint on his breath right now
it stings oh that is thank you so so
Santa makes sort of inappropriate
comments to you not just to me any radio
elf oh wow I’m so sorry to hear that
well I mean what are you suggesting here
Pompey I’m here to expose Santa for the
perverted fat he really is
oh wow yeah I’d never oh my gosh that
wait and so that’s the reason it’s not
so much the what sounds like borderline
genocide that he committed it’s the the
perversion that to me to you
it all leads out to the person Santa
really is and I’m ready for everyone
tonight so I don’t I don’t think that
most people pray to Santa oh sorry
you know more than the elf that’s
sitting in front of us about this no
this is where you feel like you have an
area of expertise on you had never heard
of people praying about praying to Santa
until earlier in this episode well like
10 minutes ago
well I would think that an anger man
splaining to an elf well I feel like an
elf would not be as aware of what people
away from Santa would be doing do you
see what I mean if you’re if you’re so
close to the the man in question Santa
then you know you wouldn’t even feel the
need to pray or not pray do you see what
I mean anyway it just sort of sounds
like you made up rules to fit a specific
scenario so you won’t be wrong
okay well it’s his naughty and nice yes
through their prayers oh so so you’re
saying that he can hear their prayers he
sits in front of a portal with his Liz
as he’s checking it to us and all these
words are flying out of the portal and
it’s their prayers to him and he he he
feeds on them and then he can tell who’s
naughty and who’s nice but how bad his
stomach hurts
oh he feeds on our prayers to him that’s
how we can tell he’s my
ah that’s sick yeah this does sound very
disconcerting it’s not what you thought
it’s not the songs that you guys saying
and Cameron brought up earlier one of
the songs that we sang that you guys put
a jolly twist on it he sees you when
you’re sleeping he knows when you’re
awake this is a warning so that’s more
of like a song of terror to you it’s a
warning for you guys to figure out who
you’re messing with
who your snail mailing who you’re
allowing your kids to communicate with
via snail mail and prayers it’s just
like how how how people think that mr.
Sandman song from the 50s is is all cute
you know mr. Sandman bring me a dream
make him the cutest that I’ve ever seen
who was this Sandman Erin got home are
you sleep well could it actually be the
Santa ma’am
Santa you think that 50s song mr.
Sandman is mr. Santa man I just well
that I never drew the connection before
but if you’re saying that they’re
remarkably similar in sort of
characterization they keep up dr. London
okay sorry I get maybe I missed
something there any K so why don’t you
ask something important okay so so
clumpy what can we do to help you there
we go yeah with this problem be like
aside from we’re already trying to bring
awareness to it and it’s you know it’s
this I guess in part you know part of
the me to movement we’re trying to bring
awareness to to issues like perversion
and with with men and power and so this
magical being in power apparently is is
one of these people who abuse the power
so what can we
due to fight this you said don’t pray to
him very well said dr. London yeah so so
we we shouldn’t pray to him got that I I
never did but what what else can we do
dr. London you only asked her what do we
need to do four times
could we get a fifth go ahead I’m sorry
I I was just trying to clearly state it
in such a way and provide more examples
and illustrations no it’s great for the
podcast yeah we can we can edit that out
if that seems excessive to you I was
just trying to get it well if you’re I
mean are you gonna edit it later I’m
sorry well I DJ Dylan I don’t know if if
that’s nope I’m sorry okay
[Music]
well now I don’t want to ask again
because you’ve made it into a whole
thing but let me ask an important
question okay clumpy you’ve ever written
one of the reindeer no we’re terrified
of the reindeer are you kidding me after
I’ve seen what thank you do oh you would
not want those in your community if you
really saw that they can do you would be
pooping your pants every second of the
night and day your lucky stars that they
are kept in a place where they cannot
escape because they would immediately
come to your house and eat you alive
while you’re pooping every second of the
day yes sounds awful but hear me out
because I do have an idea here okay what
if we can utilize this sort of infinite
reindeer power against your slave master
man that’ll never happen there under his
spell if we were to separate them from
Santa they would just turn into the
regular old reindeer that you see with
no powers at all they’re they’re using
his power
oh they’re harnessing his magic his get
too far away they immediately transform
back no so what okay
so then let me ask
can we do to help you I need every
person on earth to immediately form an
army and go against Santa in the North
Pole
we will meet in Siberia Russia bring a
coat bring Spears bring fire okay this
is okay I have been saying stuff like
this for a long time and I’ve got some
ideas of stuff we can do after we deal
with your thing
this is great dr. London this sounds
exactly like the stuff I’ve been telling
you right yeah I know
well because okay Cameron has been
stockpiling fire that has been his big
thing he has a fire that he puts into a
room and he’s like okay I’ll come back
and add more and then there’s always
this issue that he he comes back and the
fire goes out and he’s like who stole my
entire yeah and so so then you go and I
get you try to chase down whoever took
your fire and like so that’s been those
phone calls have been tough to deal with
oh well they’re tough for me it’s not
easy but any I mean this moment this I
mean Christmas militia that’s what we’re
gonna call it right oh it’s the war on
Christmas okay I mean it’s not a war on
Christmas it’s a war on Santa to restore
the sanctity of Christmas okay I so the
issue that logistically it just seems
difficult to to get every person on the
planet to the North Pole at all much
less for the purpose of warfare oh so if
it’s difficult we shouldn’t even try
okay well I guess that’s how many more
people can there be but total there’s 16
people uh well we do have a lot more
people than that I mean we it we have
like 300 400 people in the world
at least that’s are just a couple real
millions well that’s one it’s there
actually Billy
of people in the world and so that’s why
I say like logistically this might be
difficult to do because not only do we
have to get them all to go fight this
war but we have to persuade them that
fighting that war is a good idea
like so there are so many steps in the
process there’s billions of birds Oh
Billy enhance there’s not billions of
people working like humans oh you’re
thinking of elves know how many elves
are there roar is baffling in the Kuhns
[Music]
Wow
just like us no okay there are a lot of
people in the world so Cameron one thing
that I know you struggle with is the
fact that if you can’t see something you
don’t necessarily believe that it’s
there at a given time
like so so if you like have you ever
been to a stadium where they’re playing
sports and you see all those seats
filled up so all of those people exist
thousands and so imagine all over this
country and all over the world they can
fill up stadiums like that with so many
people so it’s it’s just so many people
yeah it’s the same group of people and
so it is logistically you’ve got to move
them from football game to football game
sure but that’s everyone okay well I was
only it’s different groups depending on
what we’re talking about but okay so
let’s say let’s say clumpy that we
managed to recruit every person in the
world all you know the billions of them
we get them all to Santa with fire and
Spears and they how would we go about
fighting him if he’s so powerful and if
the reindeer can just obliterate us
there’s very little chance
it’s almost like we would be like ants
biting the Giants toe but we have but we
have to try this magical being has to be
stopped
one way or the other so you’re saying
that the plan of yours you don’t think
will work and it’s just we will try but
it’s it’s a fool’s errand basically like
any good militia it’s a suicide mission
okay I would think like a good militia
would actually be like efficient and
strategize and use resources wisely does
that make sense really you need the
motivation of it being like that’s crazy
you can never do that it’s a suicide
mission
you need that motivation to become the
underdog and win dr. London this is how
it works I I think in some movies it
works that look it we look think of it
practically we’re never gonna have the
resources to take down this evil monster
but that doesn’t mean we can’t try right
ru look look at Klump ease phase look
her in the eyes right now okay they’re
they’re kind of they’re different shape
than what I’m used to and you you you
tell her that you’re not gonna sit
you’re you tell her that you’re not
gonna stand up for her rights tell her
tell her that okay well so that’s why I
was asking is there a way that we can do
it within sort of like what can I do
individually I guess that’s the better
question it sounds like get a gun and
get some fire is that about right I was
gonna say pop a bubble chocolate oh yeah
okay well if that’s that sounds like
about where we’re gonna leave it here
we could probably we can probably end
with that
so I guess to our listeners if you feel
inspired to follow clumpy on this
journey
me too attack Santa then you are
I guess free to find yourself some fire
and Spears and I guess you’re going to
camera a gun and put on a coat meet in
Siberia Russia and go towards Santa does
that and will be a fool’s errand you’ll
be like an ant attacking a giant does
that make sense
that sounds almost it’s almost near
suicide it sounds like okay that’s the
inspiration we need to keep going okay
all right well well copy is there
anything else you want to say any final
[Music]
please I will be there dr. London will
be there and we are going to deal with
this monster wait clumpy okay if that’s
sort of the game plan here I guess we
can leave our listeners and Cameron with
that I don’t know that I will personally
make an appearance there but I wish you
well so thank you clumpy for being on
the show for being on the no good yep
that’s the main thing that’s taken down
tyranny in this world is wishing people
well that’s helped a lot of people okay
so yeah thank you too clumpy thank you
to just I wish you well dr. London thank
you to our producer Cameron it’s really
frustrating how insensitive dr. Wanda
knows things he said during the
interview were just inappropriate and
rude but I know he meant well because I
don’t know it’s just hard for me to be
mad at him during Christmas time camera
thought to himself but he couldn’t be
mad at dr. London because he knew at the
end of the episode which is right now
dr. London was going to give Cameron
65 million dollars in tech decks and
tech deck accessories like the halfpipe
okay so Cameron I did get you something
for Christmas
oh really oh I’m so excited for this oh
yes yes oh I know you’re an avid stamp
collector uh-huh yeah you collect the
kind for letters and then you also
collect the kind that you like stamped
with wax and sort of the the footprints
left after an animal stamps down yeah
yeah yeah yeah so I got you this stamp
and so this one is is that conventional
kind of four letters so you can put on
your postage and you can mail something
and I I bought you
twenty of these so you can mail about
money letters
oh well dr. lemon that’s very very sweet
yeah thank you very thank you so much
now let me see what you got me over here
all the other gifts you got me let me
let me start opening them up okay no
that’s it’s 65 million dollars worth of
tech deck stuff Oh dr. London you
shouldn’t have this is exactly what I
did you use my money to buy all that dr.
London these are your presents to me
see I didn’t agree the force of your as
your as your producer I’m in charge of
your Christmas shopping see no you’re
not though that’s and also you didn’t
use my personal card for that right well
what’s the difference so mine I don’t
want to have to declare bankruptcy
that’s that’s my issue here okay so
we’re gonna have to return all of those
but I got you these stamps Wow these
what really are the nicest stamps I ever
had and when I can get them with 65
million dollars worth of tech tech stuff
it’s safe to say this might be the best
Christmas ever
[Applause]
okay we are like we’re gonna have to
return that all right and thank you too
did you do the hose
[Music]
I’m about to Lok Witter Europe if you
don’t watch it this has been the jock
podcast it’s that time of year the milk
and cookies are out and the chimney
appears harmless to the naked eye
neither Santa Nora’s willing servants
would even suspect the fireball that is
ready to ignite and obliterate
everything in that chimney at the very
moment that a fat foreign body enters
its domain though we here at the jock
dock podcast do not tolerate acts of
violence we cannot help but admire such
ingenuity and if you admire the jock
Dawg podcast in return you should go on
and open up your podcast app and write a
five star review of the jock Dawg
podcast in which you detail the traps
that you have set for the jovial
overweight men in your life and don’t
forget to spread the cheer by texting
your favorite episode of the podcast to
a friend or just message them are handy
website jock doc podcast com if that’s
easier and you know what I think I think
just a piece of paper with our URL would
be a great gift for this Christmas
season
oh yes could you imagine I don’t know
could you imagine as a kid just waking
up where you go up Christmas morning and
you’ve run downstairs and run to the
Christmas tree you open up a big old
gift and it says chalk talk podcast calm
that sounds so nice oh I would cry it’s
the gift that arguably keeps on giving
oh that’s the thing you if you give your
kid a video game they’re gonna play
through that video game they’re gonna
beat that video game they’re gonna break
it they’re gonna break the video game
well yeah because they’re gonna break it
because they hate it so hate it cuz it’s
nothing compared to what they
yeah which was our jock docpods podcast
an an hour episode sometimes ish every
single week yes and we love to hear from
you guys about your children’s love for
the podcast about your love for it maybe
so don’t forget to follow us on social
media we are at Jacques Dog podcast
lastly I should just throw in this word
of caution please do not spring any of
your tramp traps for Santa though we
appreciate the effort we also want
presents next year that that for us is
kind of a significant ordeal personally
as long as those presents are a piece of
paper with the Jock Doc Podcast URL on it
yeah oh and also if you just could go
ahead into your workplace to to anywhere
around and set JockDocPodcast.com as
your homepage oh yeah maybe maybe if
you’re at a Circuit City or something
like that’s very important maybe if
you’re at a if you’re at a bar with your
friends and your friends say hey can you
take a picture of us maybe not even
friends maybe strangers real quick open
up the iTunes or the podcasting app
whichever app it’s on what which Apple
podcasts the Apple Podcast app open it
up go to the Jock Doc Podcast throw
in a five star review and then just
throw that phone on the ground yeah you
want to step on and run away as fast as
you can yeah all right thank you for
listening
[Music]
[Applause]