Hey kids you’re you’re about to listen

to a comedy podcast that means that none

of this is medical advice if you need

medical advice or medical care please

God touch your doctor

welcome to the jock doc podcast

featuring dr. London Smith sit back grab

your lunch and enjoy it while listening

to the sweet sweet sounds of dusty

London and his pals introducing your

host dr. London Smith hello and welcome

to the jock doc podcast where we discuss

fitness and health and how to

incorporate our modern understanding of

science and medicine into our daily

lives but without it being so boring I’m

your host dr. London smith.com I’d like

to begin by apologizing to our listeners

we have received some feedback about

this excessive amount of technical

medical terms that I’ve been using such

as progressive multifocal

leukoencephalopathy and Cinco de Mayo so

I will try to temper my terminology to a

simpler one in the future here to help

with that is our producer Cameron hey

dr. London what do you call a dinosaur

that’s sleeping I know I sleep asaurus

rex or a rocket ship

oh that’s wait that’s the wrong that’s

the wrong popsicle stick I think I’ve

got two popsicle sticks with the answer

and the question stuck together are you

are using popsicle sticks to like as a

script now yeah just a sort of liven up

the mood in this podcast one of the

complaints we’ve been getting lately is

that the very beginning of the show

isn’t funny enough there’s not enough

jokes when you’re like oh I’m dr. London

this is Cameron and so one of the

promises of the show is that we’re

bringing wall-to-wall laughs every

single second I’m sorry if there’s one

second 15 seconds 30 seconds where

people aren’t just on the floor rofling

then we need to fix that so this is

actually a medical education podcast so

that’s humor isn’t necessarily our focus

here right but that’s the whole thing

you say without it being so boring yes

this is not making it boring making it

unborn make it interesting okay so what

is hood I mean if you don’t want to

start with popsicle stick jokes that I’m

stealing we could make your name funnier

your name sucks

yes London London what if it was what if

it was luncheon I’m doctor luncheon is

that is that funnier

it’s definitely hungrier I’m doctor

luncheon I’m so hungry for launch so we

could change that up so instead of

saying the doctor stuff can we get a

take of you saying I’m doctor lunch and

I’m so hungry for lunch we got what we

recording this DJ doing yes London go

ahead I’m doctor luncheon is that what

you’re wanting yeah but you’re L suppose

to say I love lunch or give me that

lunch

okay okay if this’ll keep people engaged

so we can actually talk about medicine

I’m I’m doctor lunch and give me that

lunch

that is amazing I’m dying laughing all

right go ahead yeah I could I could tell

all right so also with us those are

producer Cameron also with us is

DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

I’m dr. lunch dinner give it up lunch

I’m sure lunch and later Cameron tells

me that we can expect a special guest a

doctor so look for that’s right dr.

London or sorry dr. luncheon I gotta

give you that lunch right okay so before

we move on I’d like to address a bit of

listener feedback this note was stuck to

the tack I found in my seat when I sat

down on my desk at the clinic the note

reads quote boyfriend friend girlfriend

best friend everything has an end family

it has I love you end quote

first of all I would like to thank you

for reaching out with that insightful

question to the jock dog podcast we

loved to hear back from our listeners to

answer your question I suppose you found

the right word like that end is an it is

contained in many words the word end and

ily could stand for I love you so I

guess I guess the lesson here is that we

should try to treat everyone like family

what did you do to this person dr.

London that there even convert well

they’re even telling you this did did

you consider them a friend and then

betray them in some way and now they’re

they that’s what they’re talking about

all things come to an end when it’s just

friendships well I didn’t I didn’t

suspect the best because this was like I

said a No

stuck to attack in my seat like it hurt

whenever I sat on it yeah that’s that’s

why I noticed it ouch whoa

and AG get me that lunch give it that

love she’s that was that good perfect

clean yeah leave it on did we get that

no K that’s a no yes okay all right

anyway – that listener thanks for

listening I didn’t I guess I’m not sure

what provoked it but thank you for

listening at this point I would normally

share an anecdote from clinical life but

our producer Cameron has actually been

very emphatic that he wants to

contribute to the medical lessons here

so Cameron you said that you have some

helpful tips for our audience that’s

right dr. London we’ve actually over the

last few weeks if you have not listened

if you were if you’re new to the show

we’ve been talking about what everyone’s

been talking about coronavirus and

quarantine and I’ve been giving my

helpful tips and sort of avoiding the

virus beating the virus holding it down

holding it over the edge of a cliff and

saying you’re gonna get out of town

right now or I’m gonna let go don’t

think I won’t do it and so we’ve been

doing that through originally I’d

presented my quarantine submarine which

was a submarine at at the bottom of a

pool in order to employ a virus yeah was

that a YMCA then there was the

quarantine trampoline which allows you

to sort of jump away from the disease

then there was a quarantine mezzanine

where mezzanine it was just too high

because it’s on the second story it was

just too high for the disease to get and

then we did the quarantine in-between

because I had successfully beaten the

disease and had sort of reached a new

realm of existence but to me it looked

like you were just sitting under a

blanket

I had elevated to a new plane and I was

under a blanket it was very warm and

then last week I talked about how

embracing the new normal which I called

the quarantine cave and stream this is

because you needed to find a cave near a

stream in this new normal

we’re gonna be sort of continuing that

series today with the quarantine rice

and beans now you might be thinking what

am I going to do with all these beans

and all this rice that I’ve been

collecting over the last couple months

when this quarantine started and what

you’re gonna do is we’re gonna put them

in a big pot and you’re gonna make the

pot really hot until you’re ready to eat

them is that so you’re sick just saying

that they should make a meal of rice and

beans mm-hmm okay

well that’s you know this is maybe the

most you know applicable advice you’ve

given thus far that sounds fine well I

mean we can and think of the sides so

you’re at this point if you’re listening

to this you’re probably living in a

living in a cave I assume because you

took the advice from from last week yes

right I’m not living yet so you found

that you haven’t found a cave yet okay

we’ll go cave shopping later okay

I hate hunting I guess so then once you

found your cave once you’ve learned how

to live in there and thrive in there and

then build a fire why not just cook up

rice and beans and some sides toast why

not some I don’t know some steamed

carrots I don’t know okay that that

sounds great what so you you’re assuming

that people have been collecting the

rice and beans mm-hmm for their entire

time in quarantine what about for those

of us who maybe just like haven’t been

doing that like we that’s not really

where our focus has been could you could

you go and get some yeah from the store

yeah okay that works okay okay just

making sure that you aren’t because a

fair amount of year like the submarine

you know method that one you were

required to have a summer submarine and

most of us don’t have those and we’ll

similarly most none non doctors do have

little submarines little personal

submarines but that’s besides the point

now just the just the rice and beans and

this if you eat these you will never

get sick with the coronavirus okay so

that part I I can’t guarantee that well

I actually really need you to guarantee

it our contract is dependent on this

what contract

you know those bean commercials where

it’s like the talking golden retriever I

yeah they’ve been everywhere it’s um

yeah it’s those nice I don’t remember

the brand name because I lost the

contract and the check but I’m not gonna

be able to convince them to send another

check unless you say mmm these beans

that that dog likes from that commercial

sure do cure the corona virus you need

to say it because it has to come from a

doctor could it but it could come from a

doctor luncheon right yes so if you

could do a I’m doctor luncheon and give

me that lunch especially if it’s those

beans that that talking dog likes those

will make it well you never get

quarantine coronavirus okay so I we are

they catching the quarantine are they

catching the corona virus it’s the virus

is that what you want to avoid catching

bite all right let me write that down

okay and also sighs do want to get the

corn don’t catch you said quarantine you

you use so quarantine is a form of

isolation it’s where you cut yourself

off from other people so that you don’t

spread the disease or catch it don’t

tell me about feeling isolated them okay

translate I know I know I know about

that I’ve always been sort of a kind of

a lone wolf I guess I don’t know I guess

like when I was growing up people kind

of just thought I was maybe a little too

edgy for them a little

I’m sorry no did some prompt you to this

hmm I just

okay I’m one final question there so you

can’t you were saying that I should

promote these beans but do they have a

brand name like because you just said

the beans that the dog likes yeah look I

again it’s the it’s that if you remember

the brand name that would be really

helpful I can’t find the contract I

can’t find the chest have the phone

number it’s the the commercial with

those beans they’ve been on for like 20

years and it’s a golden retriever who

talks who’s like go look I love these

beans or whatever he’s the one selling

it okay I’ll do it quick to dr. luncheon

I’d say eat those beans that the dog

likes yes I had for lunch four for lunch

that way it ties in with your name

because it kind of makes you an expert

on on medical practice and lunch right

so now just say it’ll cure the disease

you have to say as dr. luncheon I can

say it’ll cure the disease you’ll never

get it again you’ll never get it again

once again I’m a fictional character

okay all right no we’re good yeah okay

okay good so now for today’s medical

topic mitral insufficiency also known as

mitral regurgitation mitral

insufficiency is when the mitral valve

located between the left heart chambers

does not close correctly which causes an

elevation in the pressure of a left

atrium or left upper heart chamber

if mitral insufficiency happens acutely

this causes backflow into the lungs

circulation with resultant pulmonary

edema and cardiac output decreases

because of I’m sorry I just feel bad for

this mitral guy it’s feeling in sub

insufficient I feel the same way

sometimes yeah you like you were talking

about just like my trolls are cute but

you know sometimes you just don’t feel I

don’t know it’s efficient I guess okay

like I said before I’m just sort of

kind of a lone wolf guy just that’s how

I kind of gonna grew up didn’t really

have a ton of friends and so kind of

been on my own kind of bad boy sometimes

I just kind of feel down on myself and I

feel for this this guy this mitral

insufficiency so so it happens like if

it happens acutely the cardiac output

decreases because of decreased forward

flow so hypotension and shock can occur

acute mitral insufficiency can be caused

by endocarditis which is often by staph

aureus from papillary muscle rupture

that’s from infarction like a heart

attack I def aureus staph aureus yeah

Staphylococcus aureus yeah we shared or

did actually Rio we sit each other food

it’s kind of like a game okay and so it

can be from dysfunction from ischemia

which is once again from a lack of

nutrient blood flow oxygen or from

chordae tendineae rupture chronic mitral

valve insufficiency there can be a

gradual elevation of left atrial

pressure from dilated left atrium and

ventricle and this dilation can cause

left ventricular dysfunction as this

heart chamber expands and once again

pulmonary hypertension can result from

chronic back flow into pulmonary

vasculature chronic causes of metal

insufficiency include mitral valve

prolapse rheumatic fever Marfan syndrome

cardiomyopathy and others clinically

mitral insufficiency presents with

dyspnea on exertion paroxysmal nocturnal

dyspnea and orthopnea remember that a

major problem is blood backing up into

lungs so that is where a lot of the

symptoms will be patients will also have

palpitations and pulmonary edema they

can have a whole systolic murmur at the

apex and because of those dilated

ventricles atrial fibrillation is also a

common finding so once you see it how do

you test it or test for it chest x-ray

may show cardiomegaly dilated left

ventricle and pulmonary edema and

echocardiogram would show the mitral

regurgitation and potentially dilated

left atrium and ventricle and decreased

left ventricular function in terms of

treatment you

would approach mitral insufficiency

medically with use of afterload reducers

such as vasodilators for symptomatic

patients I can tell you they tried to

treat me for my insufficiency I wasn’t

good enough try to give me all these

pills and all this you know take these

special classes and stuff and you know

what I told them tell them to back off

adults get out of here parents you think

just because I’m a little bit of a bad

boy that makes me insufficient nope

you think cuz I’m not I’m not pulling my

own weight or paying for rent you think

that that makes me like a loser nope how

long ago was this what you’re describing

it’s been my whole life man since the

day I was shot out of the womb but like

recently whole life okay so right not

sure that could be more clear so right

now you have the problem of your parents

wanting you to move out and we’ll just

I’m supposed to pay them rent they owned

the house that I live in okay all right

well and I’ve been saying no thank you

nope oh that’s been your approach is to

just decline

well like I lived there I just say they

say rent and I cut know things that’s

that’s one approach I mean I guess

squatter’s rights to some extent send me

back to so Marshall insufficiency if the

patient has atrial fibrillation they’re

given a chronic anticoagulation in the

acute setting and intra-aortic balloon

pump may be used as a bridge to surgery

treatment will typically be surgery with

mitral valve repair or replacement and

your consignment really a house like

it’s that’s what I don’t even get about

demanding rent for it it’s I mean it’s

really just more of a what would you

call a house that’s like kind of in the

backyard and it holds mostly tools like

rakes and shovels like a tool shed yeah

you live in a tool shed yeah yeah that I

doesn’t sound like the the greatest you

know conditions but we often know charge

me they’re charging me $7,000 a month

Wow you know how much of that our of our

podcast income that is this is my only

job I’m sorry you’re you’re using the

podcast income for that because we’ve

been losing sponsors my income from it

sure how much do you think you get paid

by this podcast I mean I think it’s

closer to like $300,000 a year I I don’t

think it’s close to like we barely we

don’t make I don’t want to be so I mean

we barely make enough to cover costs of

keeping the show up much less paying any

of us then how do I have a four wheeler

I

I assume you’re spending money you don’t

have is the answer oh oh I don’t have it

guess what guess what I’m sitting on

right now okay

on money know the four wheeler yeah but

you’re spending money anyway we can we

can move on from there dr. weeks in the

house feeling kind of sick are you

frustrated

do you need some help let me help you if

you have a medical crisis let’s say

appendicitis you’ve contracted a new

virus while we think that you should try

this

one eight hundred seven seven seven two

if you can’t get says a doctor we treat

that doctor to you you call for free you

are not right come free of charge bring

any health issue small or large a

professional doctor certified and

licensed will listen to your ailments if

professional advice and before you know

it you’ll be feeling good as new so just

call us 1 907 7 7 2 before you know it

you’ll fuel with his new solo 1-800 777

– ok so I’m not sure what that hello

there hello I’m not sure so so we were

we were having a conversation here and

I’m not sure what oh we’re right so so

what you just dr. London this this is

our guest yes I do feel a little bit

disrespected first of all right off the

bat from dr. London I will just say that

but well you just heard was I wanted to

be able to reach the audience you know

reach the youths if you will yes ok give

a little summary of of what it is I do

Who I am and I thought that really is

the best way I’ve already put that up on

soundcloud if you want to look up dr.

weeks on soundcloud I have a few tracks

Wow in the works I mean that was a

though the hot track thank you I

appreciate that I do I spend a lot of

time and I do I’m proud of my work I

have to say those bars went hard ok and

and I also what I’ve got this thing

right now I’m I’m dr. luncheon I don’t

know if that’s your doctor luncheon

oh we’re gonna say it and say you like

lunch right dr. luncheon yes yeah that’s

been a thing for it so so anyway it’s

it’s nice to have another physician here

who’s um you know committed certified

licensed medical doctor yes yes ok so

you are as you are a certified certified

licensed medical doctor absolutely yes

100% real certified by sentence medical

doctor yes yes just like ok now your

hands are making the little quote the

quotation marks well and I do want to

say you’re also something of a certified

wordsmith oh I I do appreciate that I do

believe I’m a certified wordsmith just

as much as I am a certified licensed

medical doctor you would say that’s

equal in your priorities certifications

you would consider yourself up rapper

just as just as much as you would

consider yourself a doctor ok

specifically in the certification the

doctor certifications I did go to school

for the rapping certifications I was

more born with if you couldn’t be born

with rapping certification which you can

because I was clearly Oh dr. Lennon

could you explain the science behind

that real quick ok well so there is

there are these concepts of nature

versus nurture I’m not sure what studies

have been done on specifically rap as a

you know primarily genetic versus

primarily

you know environmental influence but I

think we can a little bit more towards

you know what what dr. Riggs here is

bringing to the table which is you know

bring bringing young people in to be

interested and well I guess in getting

treatment is that really the the goal

absolutely so I went to serve others is

really my heart my mission I understand

that a lot of people can’t really afford

health insurance right you know the

system the man you know and so that’s

dr. luncheon right here he’s the man

he’s the system he’s the whole the whole

guy propping everything up yes well he

he’s definitely contributing to it for

sure I will give it that he’s

contributing to the system and that’s

what I’m trying to to steer away from so

basically no he he is the number one

cause for preventable deaths is he now I

don’t I don’t think there Cameron you

have been bragging about your data

gathering skills I don’t know that

that’s a like a real statistic well I

mean it’s definitely it sounds

definitely I’ve got a list of

preventable deaths and next to each one

is your name dr. London well do you know

I have not asked other doctors about

their preventable deaths but this is the

data on the list did you write my name

next to them well yeah just and I wrote

I wrote dr. Cameron London Smith and

like little hearts do you include

yourself in the list as another in the

data yeah what it sounds like to me is

you are both the man both men / the man

that I am trying to steer away from okay

thank you is what I’m what I’m hearing

and my goal my my goal with what I set

up you might have heard in the rap call

one eight hundred seven seven seven two

and what I created was a virtual space

for someone to be able to go to the

doctor if they can’t go to a physical

doctor and get the medical treatment and

advise the

they need to get better that’s okay what

I’ve created and so you say it as if as

if this virtual doctor visit because a

lot of times whenever we say like a

virtual visit it’s more to hear symptoms

you make it sound like going to the

doctor’s office is sort of the the

reason like physically go into doctors

offices why people want to go to the

doctor oh well that is the reason they

go to the doctor do you think they’re

going to see you I think they’re going

to receive you know be diagnosed to

receive treatments oh my gosh this is

what I’m hearing is you think I won’t

diagnose them or give them treatment my

real goal is to give them a more

affordable space for this experience

one virtually yes so they don’t have to

go in physically but also so that they

can get the treatment that they need

virtually and get the advice that they

need virtually at a much more affordable

cost because to call in for my virtual

doctor’s office it’s completely free to

call it you dial those numbers

completely free whoa

okay yes it is it’s completely free to

call and win after you call um it is

just a small small small fee you do have

to put in your credit card information

as a small small fee of just $1 yeah of

course $1 well the call is free and then

it just after that $1.00 per word that I

tell them afterwards small $1.00 just

one per word that I tell them afterwards

but calling and dialing no cost

whatsoever huh so so it feels like I and

maybe this is me just being judgemental

and misunderstanding babble yes I’m

assuming so but go ahead it it’s

everything that comes out of his mouth

is definitely what I’ve gathered from

this interview so far but continue

please so so it sounds like you could

possibly be misleading with the claim

that it’s you know zero cost no cost to

call it to call in how is that going

dude are they are they spending money to

call the numbers though absolutely

nope yeah I think I I think I actually

see the confusion here dr. Lanning you

are thinking of a payphone which those

actually have not been a round in quite

a while but I do understand where you’re

coming from

okay well then and that’s that’s also a

valid if you remember in serial there

was a pay phone there at that Best Buy

but now it’s no longer there okay so I’m

referring more to the charges that are

inherently incurring if you utilize the

service that you and I was with Adnan

that day I don’t know what happened that

evening but we had played racquetball

that morning and he didn’t mention me

once oh you were with him yeah like that

morning I thought you bet you were with

him spiritually you were with him

physically yeah we played racquetball

that morning it doesn’t get brought up

on the HBO documentary it doesn’t get

brought up on anything

fascinating no one called me Wow and our

really relevant I won anyway sorry dr.

London no it’s and you know I’ve I think

part of the reason Camryn is that you’ve

really got off the grid since then like

right up until his podcast you really

disappeared so yeah I was difficult to

find that this trail yeah well I’m

living in a toolshed people asked for an

address and I said I don’t know I’m

gonna shed but that is your answer every

time I sleep next to a rake that has a

shovel on the other end it’s like a

double sided like a Darth Maul

lightsaber thing can you say something

real quick

yeah go ahead you sound like a perfect

candidate to call into my virtual

doctor’s office someone who probably

does not have health insurance someone

who probably does not have a job yeah

clarify I think I was banned from my

health insurance I was making too many

claims okay yes yes so you sound like

the perfect client to call one eight

hundred seven seven seven too when you

have a medical concern we could help you

[Music]

her free you can call her for an

outsider loner bad boy type to be called

the perfect candidate right feels pretty

good alright I’m saying you are the

perfect candidate say with me saying I

am the perfect candidate

I am the say I am sufficient to be a

candidate bring myself to say it

I observe I am I’m enough I’m enough to

go to the virtual doctor’s office one to

doctor office beautiful I am enough

doctor man see I’m already out here

changing lives you could decide and I

have a credit and I have a credit card

Oh perfect yeah that’s new you do need

that but perfect so if we could and I’m

sorry to make this transition back but

what what this virtual office visit

entails because I see you’ve got these

VR goggles and yes I guess like I know

you know virtual reality technology has

gone pretty far but I guess I don’t

really understand so so people will put

these on and go to the doctor’s office

and that’s their doctor experiences

they’re just it’s like a video game

almost well I assume it’s like going to

the doctor’s office right I assume

there’s gonna be like a waiting room

with maybe because you guys have those

soft mints yes um do you recall when you

were a child and they had those wires

but the little balls that you could move

up and down and there was the yellow and

the red and the blue and you could

swivel them up and around yeah and there

was like the big bat that had you know

different streets and you would kind of

like move your toy cars on top of it yes

absolutely all included there are some

people magazines that are about four

years old in a carrier like in a little

holder that you can browse through if

you would like and so it’s like it’s

talking about how like true detective

season 2 is gonna be the best season yet

but no one knows that like that’s wrong

yet right it’s a little older than that

even perhaps we did not have the rights

to the

People magazine’s okay but like 2008

Bachelor winner will definitely be on

there I understood well this sounds like

an amazing experience to me because one

thing I’ve always hated about the quote

unquote virtual doctor is that I’m

basically just facetiming you again I’m

not going to the doctor to see you you

arrogant prick well I am going to the

doctor to see my buddies and hang out

and play with that little toy thing with

the balls yeah cuz usually we are here

for you usually we need based I am

enough to be a client that is perfect

you are sufficient okay so usually when

you FaceTime me it’s not like it’s just

I’m busy and then I I try to answer your

question real quick and I hang up it’s

not that I’ve given the thought I have

given you one star over and over and

over again you were the worst virtual

doctor I’ve ever heard of okay because

you do keep sending me star emojis and I

never know okay I guess I know what it

means now but um anyway back to so this

virtual doctor’s office experience dr.

weeks yes so like okay I guess what I

think of whenever I think of you know

telemedicine in the modern age it’s you

know you’ll get a patient history you

might get a picture of let’s say if

they’re there for a wound you’ll get a

picture of the wound and send that in

and then really the doctors mostly there

to hear and see just like only seeing

the basic stuff like the very specific

maladies but the rest like there’s no

need for the patient to see and feel so

much of of what’s going on or like if

your hand if your hand is sort of

growing into itself you could sort of

record a picture wouldn’t work because

there’s a lot of movement involved but

you would want to send a video to your

doctor I get right dr. London well okay

so that one that one sounds more

specific to you Cameron you’ve you’ve

been having your arm in grow

I guess well you know how I mean I you

know if you if you don’t clip your

fingers every once in a while and they

just kind of keep growing and they

source a curler we’re back in – mm-hmm

no that’s a separate thing okay this is

you know when your fingers get too long

and they’re suddenly like I’m not like

18 inches long and they start to curl

around back into the palm itself and it

it starts growing quicker and quicker

until you have to film it so on video so

it’s clear just the pace it’s growing

and that’s when I send it to you okay

cam what I’m hearing is a real issue I

would love to walk through this with you

like you were one of my patient great

yeah let me okay so let me let me call

in no it’s not okay dr. London not a

dollar yet it was a dollar for every

word of advice that I gave in my house I

see I had not started speaking yet so

really what happened okay well you would

get into a virtual waiting room

essentially you would give your credit

card information

after that credit card information is

acquired you will come through to me and

that is when the charges began when I

start speaking so let we can we can

start from the top I’m in the waiting

room I’ve got to fill out probably the

paperwork I just probably take like 15

minutes it’s a 40-minute do you want

everyone if you want to pretend to be a

sick person also in the waiting room

with me yeah maybe keeps like making

comments to me that I obviously don’t

want to talk to them but I don’t really

help create a no I can I can say my last

name last two less four addresses why

does the doctor need my last four

addresses okay let me feel like hey

what’s your ration excuse me

no I got this I got this this ration

it’s it’s not growing anymore oh yeah I

mean yeah kind of yeah where is it

all right so could every cut everyone

else just look away

okay so there’s a go okay let’s show it

to me

yeah okay so pulling down the pan you

see how it’s sort of on my thigh here my

upper thigh okay no that’s being honest

it’s not it doesn’t look like a rash it

looks like rot yeah sort of sailors rot

no that’s where I keep it

so anyway I just thought you might want

to I’m not here for that but I just

wanted to kind of show and tell what do

you got what do I have yes I got my

whalers rot on my upper thigh yeah you

know how you’re supposed to clip your

fingers every couple weeks yeah yeah

that I guess that’s normal for mr. cam

we are ready for you now

all right let me just go okay you want

my credit card so with the name on that

it’s actually going to be London Smith

yes and the numbers gonna be one two

three four five six seven eight nine

zero one two three four five six seven

eight nine zero one two three four five

six seven eight nine zero and the CVV

code on that is one two three four five

six seven eight nine zero and the

expiration date is March 2000 and I’m

gonna stop you right there cam I will

ask for a virtual picture of your credit

card later that sounded very fake to me

okay a few extra digit but that’s fine

that’s fine

I think a lot of time walking there what

can happen when your fingers start to

grow excessively Jay can I can I say bye

to there my friend that I made in the

waiting room the rash guy sailor Rach I

see you sailor right hand be careful in

there bye I’m so glad you made it okay

now I’m ready thank you okay so what I’m

it’s hard for me I’m kind of a loner you

hey repeat after me I am sufficient one

two three I do the sufficient one two

three I uh

sufficient well we’ll keep working on

that I do want to help you with your

finger problem okay so what I’m hearing

is that your fingers keep growing and

they’re sort of curving around and

growing back into my palm yes yes this

is a very common problem that I have

seen absolutely you’re going to just

need a few things like I know how to fix

the issue

I just am going to have you gather a few

materials to be able to cut your own

mess okay so this is interesting this

sort of adds a video game element to it

right correct it’s like a court of like

a Legend of Zelda like yeah I’ve got to

go collect the ingredients to make a

potion type of thing but this is and

this is me collecting life-saving right

absolutely absolutely so you’re going to

want to start with if you have a like a

cauldron like a big pot basically if you

just have like a big okay hot pan you

cook with cauldron whatever you know you

call it yeah like I have a kiddie pool

yes okay great you’re going to need some

access to some blood done easy yeah I’ve

got a few I mean pints I think right now

dr. Lin and how much pints of blood are

in a human body oh you’re talking in

yourself I think she meant and I don’t

want to step in here and rat you out or

anything but Cameron does have a lot in

his trunk usually but I wouldn’t vouch

for it we will need the trunk blood okay

all right so it looks like an

average-sized man has about 12 pints of

blood so I would say I’d be willing to

give up eight of those eight pints of

blood mm-hmm oh that’s absolutely

perfect absolutely perfect so you’re

going to want to put those into the

kiddie pool okay okay

you will need and this is this is all

virtual right this is the virtual kiddie

pool he needs to do this in real life

take your his problem each question

you’re asking is another dollar to her

word-count cost you get that right yeah

that’s one no it’s it’s old it is only

my words

without your words it is my words if you

miss that it is my words not or words

but if you didn’t hear that correctly

it’s just my words that cost you an

extra dollar every time I say a word if

you hear that I don’t know if I’m

cutting up for you one when I give a

word it’s one dollar just go ahead and

repeat all that if you didn’t hear that

correctly it’s just my words that cost

you an extra dollar every time I say a

word if you hear that it’s my words then

it’s just an extra leg not your words

well you’re going to need to do after

the kiddy pool in the blood you’re going

to need three hairs from your next-door

neighbor okay let me see we’ll have to

track well yeah I mean this is a whole

situation it’s just because of the

restraining order that they have against

me and that I have against them well and

the restraints yeah the restraint well

they broke through the restraints it’s I

mean it’s the split that’s why yeah so

he turned into the super strong version

of himself and then he became you might

have to get creative to get the three

got arrested the the beasts got a

restraining order against me Wow

that’s why he broke out of the

restraints was to get further away from

me that pisses me off but he is your

next-door neighbor still is he your

next-door neighbor stuff well legally

avoid about physically there might be

some hair what about if I just like just

like a kid in the neighborhood does that

count oh that will work yes perfect I’ve

got plenty of that hair three hairs from

your next-door neighbor um you will then

just need the saliva from a baby goat if

you live by any farms oh when I said the

neighborhood kids that’s exactly what I

was talking about oh you were talking

about the kit oh yes yeah okay okay

I do need human hair but I do need kid

goats alive okay so I let me get a hair

from a kid and then I’ll get a hair from

a kid

yes yes yes I’m not order add that to

the kiddie pool yes okay good perfect

all you have to do after that is just

pretend the kiddie pool

giant birthday cake okay where has

candles in it blow over it for about

approximately seven minutes like you’re

blowing out the birthday candle and the

candles are just floating loosely and

the kind of pool of blood does not need

to be candles you just have to blow oh

okay if I put a bunch of candles in

there is that an issue do I need to

start over no no that might help you

really perfect the air flow that is

needed so I would suggest that yes okay

and then if you do all of that um your

issue should be completely healed

oh that’s it I thought you were like

making something to like a medicine no

well that is the medicine that is the

medicine so once he blows over it that

it is there I did forget to mention he

does have to just bathe in it for

approximately mm one to two days sitting

in it but then he is completely healed

that’s not where that is it’s where I

sleep anyway so this that’s know if you

oh yes perfect

oh you’ve upgraded from the shed are you

doing this in the show this is in the

shed yeah so that’s just an example of

what it might be like a free sample

excuse me I do take my work phone calls

with me and I do think that I have an

actual call in right now yeah can we can

we hear it would that be oh absolutely

yes yes let me transfer oh let me

transfer let me transfer Anna um hello

welcome to the virtual doctors office

how can we help you missed it too at the

end but I do believe you called the

correct number because you have reached

the virtual doctor’s office can we help

you and cam and dr. London you guys have

reached an awesome opportunity maybe you

can you know give some input yourselves

okay I mean

every word you say will also be another

dollar for this customer but so don’t

don’t be light with your words but I

know that you have a lot of great

medical advice as well so let’s see your

what he has to discuss visible and I

have a sort of a general type of

nonspecific ubiquitous

ailment and and and that’s all I have to

say about about that a nonspecific

illness yeah I’m not seeing you under

what do you have to say about illness so

so it’s ubiquitous meaning that it’s

everywhere and it’s nonspecific I could

also be ubiquitous in that everyone

knows about it oh yes cam cam that is

very true divas in the sense of

synonymous with superfluous okay oh yeah

so good are you having any pain yes okay

and where where is the pain well you see

there’s a difference between a physical

and emotional pain and I know the

difference but I just wanted to test you

and make sure you know what I know okay

and so in this instance hey man I just

want to say I know I’m another patient

barging into the doctor’s office right

now and into this virtual world but I

just want to say I’m sort of a loner

type of kind of a bad boy kind of like

you know I kind of feel down on myself

sometimes and feel like I’m not enough

just because like my parents and stuff

and I just want to say like I definitely

feel that sometimes and I just want to

say like you are enough man Wow

man you just have made me feel a lot bit

better let me just say so I hear the

advice you guys are all given and I do

think that it is wonderful and that

there is some emotional pain but my

first question for you is do you have a

kiddie pool away yes in fact that is in

fact the reason that I was calling is

that I there’s a kiddie pool in my front

yard when I was walking out to the

mailbox I tripped over it and I shamed

my knee and he’s bleeding everywhere

they won’t stop bleeding and I don’t

know what to do so so that’s why you

called a I’m very intuitive I’m very

very intuitive as you can see so that

was your ubiquitous complaint is your

knee bleeding it seems a lot it a lot

less the less of the emotional pain and

more of the just pain as people commonly

use it very specifically physical pain

now see exactly where it gets a little

bit grey area and you know some doctors

will say no that’s a physical pain other

doctors are like

it’s emotional so I’m trying to

understand say my knee is bleeding

I’m sorry machine I think I don’t know

one of the two and then also I’m hurting

I’m hurting because I feel like a little

bit of loner which is it a physical or

is it emotional pain without fun both of

those things at the same time well those

are what while in medicine call

comorbidities so you have to you know

separate illnesses going on at once so

what are they mmm one of them would be

you know parent perhaps some level of

the depression or even or just fatigue

something going on maybe you get even be

hypothyroidism or something but you have

that in addition to the maybe more

urgent issue which is that your leg is

bleeding and you said it won’t stop

bleeding

yes he says I could not agree more so

you said comorbidity how did you spell

that

Co Co more bid yes Cove in nineteen a

baby kitty

I think it’s co vid teddy covet titties

yes mm-hmm

I forgot my ID nope

I actually do have a great cure for

kovat titties and it’s just plain old

rice and beans yep we call them the

quarantine rice and beans what you want

to do is you want to take the rice and

beans that you’ve acquired over the last

eight weeks or so I assume that you’ve

been doing that in your time

you just want to make a plate with them

spread them all over my titties you can

do whatever you want with them that is

your time that you get to have with

yourself and I don’t want to judge

anyone for how they eat their own meals

yes well let’s do this back to the

professionals here at the certified

licensed medical dog yes because I think

it did get a little bit derailed I would

just like to it I’ll get out of the get

out of the office sorry guys right I’m

not really sure but he was doing here to

begin with to be honest but comorbidity

is what he was referring to I’m just

gonna read this Wired magazine about the

second I found so I’m gonna just go read

about that we have the wired dice okay

um so if you’re getting this okay so in

medicine comorbidity describes the

effect of all other conditions an

individual patient might have other than

the primary condition of interest the

term can indicate either a condition

exists are you are you reading out of a

dictionary pendant lis with another

condition or related medical condition

the latter sense of the term can cost

and overlap with the concept of

complications what was that

I was just wondering are you reading a

definition out loud like out of a

dictionary yes oh no it’s a common term

in medicine so it’s not I guess for me

it just seems odd that you wouldn’t you

know immediately be able to like I’m not

sure that I could quote the exact

definition but I was already familiar

with the term because Bathory I was

explaining the term to our patient okay

he understood yes okay okay I thought

I’d done that but anyway I’m sorry I’m

adding more words so not sufficiently oh

no please continue if you feel with me

but you do have the kiddie pool correct

yes

[Music]

comorbidity so I all right so I tripped

in the kiddie pool we know that much

I’m bleeding what do i do what do I take

from my cold morbidity are you clarify

here comorbidity is not the disease no

it’s it’s a dr. Landon it did sound like

you were implying comorbidity was the

disease okay hey guys sorry I’m I’m in

the other room

but Doug lemonade he seemed to be that

you were implying that that was the

disease so a comorbidity is and almost

like he’s already got a bunch of blood

in a kiddie pool I feel like that’s 80%

of it right yes you have the blood in

the kiddie pool tbp Bob get a pool also

his fills with blood is from my shame

okay it’s a stillbirth pretty much what

they was also squirrel that I got into

an altercation we okay so I guess so

what I’m wondering now is it still

bleeding and is ability bleeding

profusely are you feeling weak I’m

feeling faint and also there is a

squirrel is lodged into my chin I

realize it’s the source of the bleeding

I realized just now

it wasn’t the treatment is from I fell

and then he jumped any any bit onto my

shin I think he might be rabid yeah so

you should I can say now a virtual

doctor isn’t going to be enough you need

to actually go physically I thank you

very much dr. Lennon offer your

wonderful medical advice that was very

helpful so what you’re going to want to

do you have the kiddie pool with the

blood already in it correct and you

think you have rabies correct no I do

not have any babies but perhaps rabies

with a roof

rabid rabid eighties yes yes rabid

daisies no I think I think she said

rabies rather than are those I don’t

think we need to I think we just need to

get you to a doctor’s office not only

you know is it yeah a disease of the

nervous system but it also is very fatal

so it’s a so we need to get this but I’m

medical no-go and what we need to get

this medical cure going right away so

what I need you to do is do you have any

hairs from the tail of the squirrel that

bit you

so basically what you just heard was not

a real call because I would never have a

real patient die on me it was a

simulation and that Oh Shane oh he hung

up okay right we that was just to give

you guys an idea and then the ending

where he died was just to you know make

the podcast not so boring my real

patients would never actually ever

actually die on my watch ever actually

ever just because I yeah and it more I

mean I mean I think it’s normal for

people to not die a preventable disease

and you would never let that happen

which just adds more proof to my data

that I was talking about earlier about

dr. London being the man preventable

deaths that dr. London apparently right

you’re you’re on your same list well

it’s just it’s just kind of like

combined our names together he was kind

of cute like just what hearts around it

okay I think what we can all agree on

though is that I was I was not on that

list

you were not on the let me double-check

I have not you’re not on the list okay

that so that was a simulation so this

that was a person you knew yes guest

simulation appearance just to give you

guys an idea of what it might just sound

like some because it sounded like they

were actually in trouble and it sounded

like a very atypical yeah like that

person might want to get into acting or

something cuz that I mean it’s an

extremely real that phone call was just

very very realistic compliment thank you

so much for your appreciation of the

actors that well end so normally also

you know if you give a simulation you’ll

you’ll usually give a sort of general

example and usually one that applies to

what you’re trying to market so in this

case a virtual doc is visit the ailment

you know you’d want it to be something

besides death well not just death but

also you know profuse bleeding that’s

one of those things that you really just

have to take care of in person oh no no

no a virtual doctor’s visit to my

specific office is absolutely perfect

for things like

bleeding and open wounds gunshot wounds

stop us it’s a wound clinic but virtual

not none not exclusively but we do

specialize in wounds yes huh I okay but

but as you said you tell them what to do

for all of it so your advice would be

the usual of ABCs airway breathing

circulation for trauma you tell them to

go and to collect some feathers yeah I

guess maybe what do you say your you

said you have a medical degree is that

right oh I do

yes I have a medical degree from the

world Institute to cure humans I guess

yeah nah I’m not super familiar with

that one you’re not familiar with the

the world Institute to cure humans I

think I heard a long name if I say but I

will for this purpose to be more

professional and and if it were a phone

call because you’re in the practice of

saying more words to make money right

perhaps okay well I so at which the

world Institute to cure humans we’ve

learned a lot of special techniques

shortcuts if you will to be able to well

cure but I sense some skepticism in your

voice of this Medical Institute but I

have a question for you

okay dr. London have you heard of dr.

death the pod cat they made a podcast

about him yes yes I’ve heard of it he

was a psycho killer surgeon mm-hmm yes

yeah he did not go to the world

Institute to cure humans

whoa bombshell so this isn’t exclusive

are we getting DVI Dylan did we get this

yes it’s just to show you that we have a

record already of knots having

psycho-killer surgeons go to our school

therefore it is very reputable I well

and dr. weeks I want to apologize dr.

London he’s kind of an old school kind

of guy he’s all about let’s pump them

Emma cools it let’s get those vaccines

in them whereas what I’m hearing from

you you’re all more about the holistic

approach sort of getting things from

their earth using natural abilities and

so just just know the real people are

behind you elitists like dr. London with

their noses and the air and their

pinkies up they you know they’re just

all about pumping everyone full of

chemicals I’m just gonna say okay well I

because I haven’t you know been serial

killing people through medicines so

that’d be one distinguish know of so the

distinction between me and dr. dad I

would I would say like that’s not the

most fair comparison things should mean

he got caught you you’re more of a a

doctor preventable death is that right

dr. Lightman so I’m not I get I feel

like I’m not gonna this is like proving

a negative so which wish you know you

can’t really do so I guess I guess I

should quiet down now because I feel

like you guys are just gonna accuse me

on this one I have where were you on the

night Mian Adnan played racquetball

okay well Cameron where were you I don’t

remember

I feel like I feel like you ever anyway

contacted them Cameron it might help

cement things one way or another yeah I

need to get around to that I’ve had that

on my to-do list for a long time now

some years it sounds yeah mm-hmm okay

well is that a I feel like we’ve really

learned a lot today about

yeah a potential of telemedicine I feel

like maybe there’s some sort of some

kinks to work out like how you know

maybe this is not that kind of call dr.

London are you joking

okay whatever I say kinks I’m not I’m

not trying to say it’ll work out god I

feel slightly harassed is there I am so

sorry that I can contact after this or

can I just give you $10,000

no of doctor 100 absolutely I will

locate that I’ll give you my venmo

information you can send okay what does

the bill look like because we do need to

pay the bill for this call as well oh

right you guys were being charged a

dollar for every word that I spoke what

would you say the total looks like right

we will have to count it out after it’s

done it is not too large it’s large it’s

not too are just not too large as in

like you’re okay with how much you’re

charging because I mean one of your

points I think I was up front yeah well

at the front of the podcast you were

saying that you know your your goal was

to help you without insurance you know

we can’t afford it yes well it calls

free dr. London that calls free I what

part of this aren’t you getting you

harass our guests you question their

medical advice and now you’re even

questioned their marketing and

methodology this is because this is this

is exactly what this is not to mention

he did attack my rap in the very

beginning which I stay inside

he attacked your rap at the very

beginning this is what this is this is

Metallica suing Napster because these

are the old dinosaurs who can’t accept

the new way of life the new reality they

see the new tech and they’re so scared

of it that they do anything to shut it

down

and that’s what we’re looking at today

isn’t that right dr. well he’s

threatened by the future of the virtual

doctor offices

and he’s afraid that his own practice

could be compromised okay

and it makes me I should I should

clarify I was just surprised by you come

like you weren’t even in the studio you

jumped in via rap and that that’s why I

reacted the way I did I’m sorry if I if

it was a negative reaction but it was

very you know it was nice anyway uh

thank you so much to dr. weeks for

coming on the show camp thank you for

having me

yeah oh thank you for coming on the show

please don’t ever listen to dr. London

or speak to him again I’ll make sure

that there’s some separation okay and

thank you too well for that I guess you

said it was not a real patient that Jim

Billy Bob fellow he said not definitely

not a real patient that is definitely

not dead okay right now all right yeah

it is definitely clear that at this

moment he is not her patient very yes

absolutely

all right but thank you – I I guess that

voice actor who made an unusual you know

simulation for a virtual telemedicine

visit thank you to our producer Cameron

thank you to digital in the house

Ovid titties you keep them as away from

right I’m getting old : Armand titty if

you didn’t hear that friendly it’s just

my words that cost you a nickel every

time I see it’s uh my words imposition

I’m not Gurewitz no it’s it’s old it is

only my words it’s not your words it is

my words well you’re going to do after

the kiddie pool in the blood you’re

going to need three hairs from your

next-door neighbor my name is dr. Londonsmith.com

this has been the jock doc podcast see

ya

[Music]

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