Oh hey kids you’re about to listen to a

comedy podcast

that means that none of this is medical

advice okay

if you need medical advice or medical

care

just go on and contact your doctor

welcome to the jock doc podcast

featuring dr london smith

but remember all podcasts matter

introducing your host

dr london smith but again

all hosts are important so f*** off dr

london

hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast

where we discuss fitness and health and

how to incorporate

our modern understanding of science and

medicine into our daily lives

but without it being so boring i’m your

host

dr londonsmith.com i would like to begin

by apologizing to our listeners we’ve

received some feedback about the

excessive amount of technical medical

terms that i’ve been using

such as hyperbilirubinemia and

the turkey says gobble gobble

will try to temper my terminology to a

simpler one in the future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron dr london

now that was an intro thank you

so that was our producer cameron cameron

is so dedicated i mean we’ve got this is

what this is our 55th episode

right yeah yes we’ve gone through so

much

trash just to finally get to the point

where you

sound like you’ve used a microphone

before

i so you’re saying the sound quality is

better yes

uh your aura in gen did anything has

anything new happen to you i mean

or should we get to that in a second i

get i mean i’ve been

we can get to it in a second but yeah i

have been doing some new activity

uh so anyway cameron here he’s so

dedicated to making sure

that our podcast stays relevant that

when he heard that

independence day was coming up he began

drawing up plans

for his own independence from

what he called the man

so cameron i do want to clarify isn’t

the man you’re referring to

just the guy at the end of your block

who keeps

removing the traffic cones that you have

been placing

at kind of random spots in the street

uh that is that is a man i wouldn’t

i feel like the man requires additional

context

depending on the conversation so

at that point yes i was telling you

about how i was putting all the traffic

cones down because i thought it would be

cool to

make my street a little more like like

rc cars like remote control cars and

make it fun so everyone has to

kind of as fast as they can like slalom

down the road

ziggly back and forth and maybe there’s

some little ramps and stuff like that

yes and then the guy thing in my street

kept saying like

you have to stop doing this or i’m going

to arrest you

oh so he was a police officer i don’t

think so and that

part terrifies me even okay

all right well he’s he’s just a guy okay

and he’s super tall and i feel like

that’s part of it

that’s part of his like i guess a power

complex

yes just apart he’s gonna use his height

in the arrest in some way

and i haven’t figured out how but it

disturbs me to no end

okay well uh also with us

is DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

is

and later cameron tells me that we can

expect a special guest

oh two special guests is that right that

is right dr london and actually

i’ve heard that at the end of this

episode there’s gonna be a

fun surprise as long as you keep

listening

i’ve heard of such a surprise

so hopefully that gives you a little

hint and i’ll reveal it at the end of

the episode

wow okay because normally like i’d like

you to just

share with me things beforehand so we

can just okay

that would oh oh leah let me uh i’m

oh i’m santa claus let me just uh send

you a text message real quick with every

gift i’m gonna bring you

for christmas i’m moron

so usually people for santa claus people

do write a list

for santa that’s that’s actually right

but i’m saying i’m

santa and i’m telling you beforehand

what your gift is

i’m sending you an email that says hey

i’m saying to just let you know

uh in a couple weeks it’s gonna be

christmas here’s what i’m gonna bring

you i

know that’s not how it works no again i

called you a moron

really emphatically i was right to do

okay

you’ve squandered all the good will you

had at the beginning of this episode dr

london all right well well before we

move on i would like to address a bit of

listener feedback so i found this note

taped to my assistant’s forehead when

they gave me my morning update before

clinic

the note reads quote too bad they don’t

make them like they used to

or we could put them in a jar and guess

how many were in there

end quote first of all i would like to

thank you for reaching out to us here at

the jock talk podcast

with that that question um

so to answer that question

i i guess i just feel like these

questions cameron

i don’t know if you find these people

but it really seems out of context but

something

that they collect or put in a jar and

they would guess how many were in there

do you know what this person’s talking

about

well i’m not a doctor i’ve put lots of

things into jars

that i could count but i’m not a doctor

it looks like they’re wanting a

doctor’s advice yeah sorry i

i didn’t realize i was supposed to be

doing your job

your medical job too no it’s just i know

i do all the work on the podcast and i

do your job here

but i didn’t realize i was supposed to

follow you to work you know

you wake up in the morning i go oh

london’s getting up i better get up too

and then rush into your office

and uh answer all your patients

questions oh dr london

my the the hip replacement you gave me

it’s

my whole body is becoming all hip

something’s happening

and you say oh i can’t i can’t handle

that cameron you deal with that

when i kill the guy on accident because

i don’t know what i’m doing

i okay well i guess i only

pulled you in for a second on that one

because you do sometimes

talk to you find patients or people you

think are patients of mine

and then you’ll speak to them as if

you know we’ve conferred on something

okay

so anyway for this patient um

thank you for your question uh whatever

you put in the jar

uh it is fun to guess how many things

are in a jar that’s a fun competition

thing i’m not sure if that’s such she’s

probably asking for a guess just just

make a guess oh like a number yes

i think so uh 43

nope is that okay

thanks for listening

is too much well do you have a guess

then

because you can yeah like 30 yes

okay you can’t fit 40 of anything into a

jar

nope like

drops of water nope 30

35 max now for today’s medical topic

asthma asthma is an obstructive lung

disease that is characteristically

defined

by the triad of airway inflammation

airway hyper responsiveness

and reversible airflow obstruction

asthma can begin at any age

yes most cases of asthma are dr london i

i gotta jump in here i’m really sorry

but

we’ve gotten so many comments it seems

like every single episode half of the

complaints we get are that

this section is just too dry we have to

make it more fun and so we i think

we can come up with relevant ways

medical ways

that are relevant to your topic that we

can use to sort of liven up this section

so for example right now you’re talking

about

asthma and you’re talking about you know

uh respiratory problems

so why not try to do this entire section

in one breath

and that that does factor into part of

it

i guess so you think this will be more

engaging to the listeners

okay i think it’ll be something i don’t

know what it’ll be

okay that’s better than what’s been

happening so i’ll do i’ll do as

as much as i can i’m gonna it might have

to be multiple breasts but i’ll try to

do as much as i can

per breath okay okay ready okay let me

hear the breath

this is an audio format so we really

need to hear the inhale

okay so we have

okay and i’m going to do with a lesson

for my next can i get a

give me a little bit more dramatic

inhale

no more bigger okay

yes that’s it most cases of asthma are

extrinsic which means that patients are

atopic in other words they produce

immunoglobulin e to environmental

antigens and this may be associated with

eczema and hay fever these patients

typically become asthmatic at a young

age can be triggered by pollens house

dust molds cockroaches

cold air exercise in certain medications

such as beta blockers and aspirin among

other things

intrinsic asthma on the other hand is

not related to hip or

environmental triggers okay so that was

wow one part you’re just like david

blaine when he did that magic trick

where he held his breath

i feel like this is the kind of the

opposite not exactly the opposite but

you know it’s the same thing okay so

david

blaine performed the craziest magic

trick i’ve ever seen

and it like he he he did

sometimes you see like a pin and teller

or something you’re like oh i can figure

out how to do that

here’s this guy he holds his breath for

like five minutes or whatever

isn’t that isn’t that magic well

maybe i guess i don’t usually measure

i don’t time myself that much for how

long but five minutes sounds like a lot

yeah

yeah it’s my favorite magic trick is

that david blaine holds his breath

oh that’s the that’s the cause i thought

i saw one time he’d

like cut open fruit and there was stuff

in it

oh i didn’t realize today’s topic was

fruit are we talking about

fructose all of a sudden dr london no

you’re right you’re right i’ll i’ll get

back to the topic

should i take your inhale okay

clinically patients with asthma will

typically present with intermittent

symptoms including shortness of breath

wheezing

chest tightness and cough which will

usually occur within 30 minutes of

exposure to triggers additionally

symptoms are typically worse at night

wheezing during both

inspiration and expiration is the most

common finding on clinical exam

okay and this next part is actually

where the one breath thing

relates to the topic

pulmonary function test so require

diagnosis

redo it okay the breath

couldn’t hear no enthusiasm in it

there’s no life in it

okay

i feel like you’re breathing me in i

love it

tests are required for diagnosis and may

demonstrate a destructive pattern

with decreased fev1 also known as forced

expiratory volume the amount of error

they can exhale in one second and

decreased fev1

these fec ratio spirometry before and

after bronchodilators like a beta2

agonist can confirm the diagnosis by

proving reversible airway obstruction if

these tests are unrevealing lung

function before and after inhalation

of increasing doses of methacholine and

muscarinic against can reveal

hyper-responsive airways causing

obstruction at lower doses

chest x-ray is normal in mild cases but

severe asthma will reveal hyperinflation

that being said x-ray is the

only necessary in severe asthma to

exclude other conditions

if the patient is in significant

respiratory distress

arterial blood gas monitoring should be

considered to evaluate

for hyper hypocarbia and hypoxia

okay and now it’s we’ve ever seen this

youtube video called

10 improvised movie scenes that made

actors break character

yes no does that does that relate to

the treatment of asthma

no but it’s got the rock and ludicrous

in a movie together

and like i know they were in fast and

the furious series together

but like this can’t be fast the furies

it has to be a different series right

i guess were you still doing the medical

topic thing

yeah i’m sorry asthma can be kind of a

complicated one in some ways despite how

common it is

i guess then i guess maybe my ideas to

make this section a little more

interesting didn’t work because

basically the second you started talking

i was watching this video of ludicrous

on the rock

oh god knows what

okay so i’ll just finish up then should

i keep doing it the same way or should i

just

i don’t know do whatever you want i

don’t care okay

but i’ll i guess i’ll try to i’ll keep

it up since i started

so treatments include short-acting

beta-2 agonists

such as albuterol for acute attacks then

depending on the severity of the asthma

inhaled corticosteroids long-acting mid

agonists and leukotriene modifiers may

be used in acute severe asthma

exacerbation requiring hospital

patients will typically receive an

inhaled beta-2 agonist through a

nebulizer or metered dose inhaler then

depending on the clinical course

patients may be given iv

corticosteroids if unresponsive to these

medications iv

magnesium may be used other useful

interventions for treatment

include supplemental oxygen with the

oxygen saturation maintained at over 90

percent

antibiotics and severe exacerbation or

suspicion of infection or finally

patients

may be intubated if they are on the

verge of

or are currently in respiratory failure

it looks like matt damon broke on the

set

of uh singing ryan

is that what you’re talking you were

talking about that right

bro he broke what well the because the

youtube video i’m still watching that

youtube video that’s 10 improvised movie

scenes that made actors break character

okay so yeah and saving private ryan

he just started laughing too hard well i

don’t know

it’s muted because i have to listen to

you talk about whatever the hell you’re

trying to talk about

so i can’t even watch the video properly

but yeah i mean he’s laughing in it

okay are you done yeah

yeah okay yes yeah i’m finished

with the medical lesson so i would give

that

an um an a plus

wow thank you

just like my blood type yes all right

uh cameron you said that we have two

guests today is that right

we do dr london all right uh hello

there my name is dr londonsmith.com

and this is our producer cameron uh what

are your names

uh hello mr doctor uh dot com

uh i’m gary gerd and i’m glinda gerd

and uh we’re here for well it’s

it’s great to meet the two of you yes

yeah nice to meet you

gary and get what were your names again

gary and glinda

i am gary i am glenda you can tell that

i’m gary because i have the deeper voice

yes it was difficult to tell when you

said it at the same time

because you’re oh i mean anyone could

have been gary or glinda in that moment

you know what i mean i thought i was

okay we’ll we’ll try it again to make it

clear uh

this is glenda i’m with glenda and this

is gary i’m sitting with gary

yes and we’re the girds yes well i i

thought i had it straight

but then whenever one of you says this

is and you’re talking about the other

person

i don’t know that we went to the right

place glenda for medical advice

i’m sorry yeah we definitely this is not

the place for that at all this is more

of a place for like sports talk and like

hanging out hanging out and like listen

we are very progressive very very

progressive people give to many

charities

so when i say that i have what is known

as a

typical male voice you can hear that

that would be associated with the name

gary which is typically a male

name yeah i don’t i i i i just don’t see

what the problem is gary

no video i know i’m sorry i know i know

i shouldn’t have he is a quack yeah yes

i shouldn’t have you shouldn’t be

calling in to us you shouldn’t be

listening to the show

you shouldn’t be trusting dr london no

hold on so

yeah he’s a quack doctor more like a

doctor

because he’s a quack you’ve got you’re

so angry

at him already and it’s justified thank

you thank you

for saying that but it does make me

question why are you a guest on this

show

even though i got you as a guest well

cameron

when we ran into you at the convenience

store

you had very

kind eyes i guess that’s the that’s is

that the nice way of saying that someone

looks a little bit slow

they have very gentle eyes gentle gentle

gentle better word

very gentle eyes i look very sick too

yeah slightly but but not in a not an

overly sick way yeah just a way where

it’s like oh you’ve been sick for a very

long time

it’s one of those illnesses right not in

a

ooh sick but like oh

sick not so much quantity but quality

you know

and yeah yeah yeah like like linda and i

were saying like

you know this cameron sicky sicky boy

there cameron

invited us on his show yeah and this may

be his make-a-wish

it perhaps and because we’re charitable

people

of course we would and no wonder you’re

so sick if you’re

you know pairing up with the doctor

drlondonquack.com right okay

well then i guess i should ask cameron

so sometimes you go to convenience

stores

for items but

was this the day that you went there

just to push bags of things off shelves

because you told me this was a mission

of yours well it’s not it’s not pushing

bags of things off shelves it’s pushing

things off shelves into bags okay

okay then i take those bags and i put

them on other shelves

cameron cameron darling no wonder you’ve

given up on the will to live

uh because uh dr pinocchio there sure is

nosy

about your comings and going yeah he’s

awful and that is one thing that

pinocchio was known for was being nosey

i am so

pinocchio huge gossip always getting

into people sh

pisses me off exactly

i know i’m so sorry i’m so so we know

that

one thing that brought you dr london

helped these people one thing they

brought you on the show

was that cameron looked ill

what was there any other reason you know

what

glinda we’re coming in hot again it’s

it’s sleep deprivation

i know it really is i think we need to

start all over

again and uh let’s take deep breaths

i think we could all benefit from a deep

breath dr london

i i don’t feel like he really puts his

lungs into that like i think he could

have taken a much deeper breath

yeah he sounds like he’s asthmatic i

heard a whistle

yeah and like a couple of whistles like

if if you’re not gonna

fully take a breath then what are what

are we even here for yeah i don’t know

i don’t know i’m sorry i’m sorry i’ll

i’ll try again

please do thank you

is there a barnyard animal it sounds

like they’re

triceratops in jurassic park yeah that

is constipated

yeah that’s why do you have to go to the

bathroom honey well it was

irrelevant it’s sorry that i

my breathing earlier was kind of being

criticized so i

i thought this was the way to do it but

i guess

that it’s i mean just breathe the way

that you need to breathe

yeah don’t don’t put on a show yeah here

like we’re here

for medical advice not for your gafas

i mean okay well yeah and so with that

in mind we can we can skip over that

part i think

so what what medical advice are you are

you seeking

we’re coming in very hot we’re very

agitated we understand that we are

trying our best we are traveling we are

we’re new parents we’re not getting much

sleep none uh

practically none we have a condition i i

i went on web md uh i believe it’s

called lazy baby

yeah our baby is seven months old

seven uh we’ve given him the dr spock’s

books uh he acts like he can’t even read

the truth no i am so sorry he doesn’t

read

he doesn’t even crawl or walk we have to

carry him everywhere

he puts the books in his mouth like like

he’s just like oh

i don’t understand the concept of food

i’m too lazy to walk to the refrigerator

i’m just gonna put this book in my mouth

uh we have lazy baby uh we’ve

looked at youtube videos we’ve tried the

books uh

we left our tablets with him so he could

you know maybe diagnose the issue

himself he puts the tablets in his mouth

right when he said you’ve

anyone to be concerned here but does

does your child ever put his hands or

feet into his mouth as if they’re not

part of your body at all

and that’s that’s the worst thing you

could have said i mean dr london do you

want to explain to them what’s going on

so one thing they said you know they

they tried the books

right yes try the books so usually when

people say that they

you know they had baby books they tried

they would

read through the baby books and then

apply the lessons he wants

us to we’re adults he wants us to read

baby books no

they’re baby books

you’re telling a bunch of adults to read

oh clifford the big red dog

he uh he saved 9 11 or whatever

and it’s like that’s not no yeah dr

london

why don’t you start treating our guests

with a level of books

baby obviously he doesn’t have kids none

this is he doesn’t have a wife he

doesn’t have a wife and i

do do marriage counseling i’m just going

to throw that out there

oh well you do do marriage counseling

yes

because we’re having doo doo issues too

we are he

he makes doodoos in his in his diapers

and he won’t change him himself he

expects us to do it he’ll look me in my

eyes

and doo doo in his pants and you know

what sometimes he’ll do like

it’s like he’s judging us he’ll pee on

us while we’re changing while we’re

changing the doo doo he’ll pee

on to us have you ever been peed on say

what cameron i know you have yeah but

it’s not nice

no no it’s not it sucks frankly he won’t

get into his own bed we have to put him

in it

dr london pinocchio have you ever been

peed on

is is that one of the things you do yes

when you’re yeah it’s

yes it’s happened to me but that’s

that’s sort of a part of

you know babies right whenever they’re

seven months old all their

skills haven’t really grown they don’t

have gross or fine motor skills really

yet

i’m so sorry he’s insulting her first of

all first of all have you seen a baby

deer

it pops out two seconds later it’s

walking yeah yeah like

you you think our our human child isn’t

as smart as a deer as a deer

yeah uh or a baby tiger uh one of the

most famous movies ever made is about a

baby deer i don’t see a movie being made

about

uh this this kid who can’t even keep

keep it in his

diaper yeah he’s lazy

what’s this deer movie hold up hold on a

second um

the deer movie please oh it’s well it’s

it’s a dog movie it’s air bud he plays

basketball

oh yeah yeah so when you say familiar

when you said dear movie you meant like

it’s very dear to you

yes so with these were these issues

you’re describing with a lazy baby it

sounds like

the developmental stages that humans go

through

whenever they’re at a certain age so

uh you know there are just certain

things like they can start to get

uh as you said like maybe not walking

around yet that’s right

i don’t know what history has to do with

this we’re not we’re not in the bronze

age

or or we’re in the renaissance age

we’re in the nuclear age uh all my

friends

can walk and yeah don’t go to the

bathroom in their diapers exactly

i gotta i gotta let you guys any of them

can read i gotta give you guys some

insight into dr london here dr london

speaks down to everyone so he sees

everyone as this

helpless person who can’t do anything

for themselves who

you know maybe like eats all its food

out of like a little glass jar

and then sometimes if they eat too much

just spit up just right on your

right on your little tummy that’s how he

sees

people in society and those of us who

actually want to do things for ourselves

and you know kind of stand up for

ourselves and you know

have some self-respect we see dr london

for what he really is

which is you know a monster

yes he is a monster 100 right

the comment about the the jar was that a

reference to the listener mail

uh no completely completely separate so

i do think you could

probably fit 30 baby foods into a baby

food jar

if you did it layer by layer like kind

of like a parfait

yeah i mean 39 tops yeah

not anyone who would guess

40. you can’t fit 40 of anything in a

jar thank you

yeah i’m sorry and i i guess i only

questioned it because

cameron had been so you know emphatic

that he knew nothing about

the listener question i knew nothing but

it sounds like this is a common

reference

with regard to how anyways i’m sorry to

to veer off track like that so for your

for your baby maybe consider um

just looking at developmental milestones

that are normal for

that age and we’ve been

doing that we we go to thebump.com

and we’ve daily to that website we’ve

downloaded the application

or you know app if for the kids

uh and he does he doesn’t care he

doesn’t care we’ve been looking at all

the

you know developmental stages yeah

condescending

doctor have you tried to get him to take

a myers-briggs test yet because i feel

like that would help a lot

yeah it came back negative yeah you know

what

the myers-briggs test came back negative

yes yeah i didn’t even know that was no

possible

yeah no personality zero personality

wow like i just don’t understand dr

london i mean do you have any piece of

advice you keep talking about like

hey look up more stuff online they’re

coming to you for help what can you do

i guess one thing that i i can ask is

some basic stuff because of course if

there is

you know if this baby is lazy to the

point of being you know lethargic

disinterested no he’s very active

he’s very active he’s very interested in

uh

uh one thing he is good at he watches

the sesame street

yes the sesame street he will watch the

sesame street

he watches okay that’s a great yeah the

elmo

the elmo and the cookie monster and the

big bird

and the big bird it’s sad how how the

interest in

the streets appeals to kids younger and

younger these days you know what i mean

oh my god oh my god i didn’t even think

about that oh my god oh

okay oh god i’m gonna turn off the

television i’ll just

uh really give you any good advice right

now okay i’ll be right back yeah pause

don’t give

pause any good advice right now

did he listen i think he’s okay i turned

it off he’s crying he turned it out he’s

just screaming

oh okay that’s fine he doesn’t know how

to process his emotions

at all all he does is scream and cry

very impulsive i don’t know where he

gets it from he won’t talk it through

he only says like two words terrible

listener i don’t i i don’t know where he

gets horrible

he won’t even look at me i’m gonna give

you a piece of advice that dr london’s

too afraid

to give you what you’re dealing with

here is a toxic person

yes and in 2020 we’re getting rid of

toxic people in our lives

yes because sometimes i just can’t even

handle this toxicity like of my friends

around me i have this

doctor who sucks

and he annoys me and he keeps stealing

most of my socks i think

and i don’t oh my god i

i put a future feminist onesie on him

and he spit up on it

oh no okay i don’t care i’m sorry to

hear that now no one’s gonna know he’s a

male feminist

and that’s the whole point

yeah i mean i was hoping that he’d get

lots of books later on

yeah it just doesn’t look like that’s

the way it’s gonna go

[Music]

oh this is this is one of those i don’t

wanna

that’s a kind of an unusual comment to

so just um when he gets i

give him time don’t be gross yeah when

he gets married he’ll have puss

yes yeah because we’re we’re

allies and we’re allies yeah unless he

gets some of that uh hot dong

yeah yes either way whichever we’re fine

i would say give it time and maybe try

instead of

giving him these apps to read and

the books to read maybe try reading to

him

some of these things wait wait i just

know he’s just saying the same stuff he

was saying before dr london you’re not

listening to this

at all i just feel like you’re just

telling us to enable his laziness

yep that’s that’s all that’s happening

wait a second glenda though he might

he may have i mean a point we’ve tried

so much we have not tried to

assist yeah that’s true

because maybe if his if his arms don’t

move

quite enough or his legs aren’t strong

enough yet to start walking

then you can assist him a little bit

until he is able to i guess to make it

sort of easier to to understand uh

there may be physical disabilities at

play here right now

and which and as a physician i can tell

you

those things can improve with help

over time so if you give him assistance

let’s say in six months he might be able

to

walk and talk a little bit more

than he currently can and that

and what might sound strange about that

is that’s pretty

normal but one thing you’re at that

one thing you’re not considering at all

dr

london is that our guests are very busy

and they have their own lives to worry

about

but dr london’s telling us to hire

assistants yeah

we hire people right oh

okay i mean yes people do hire

like they’ll have a uh a nurse around to

help

or um you know they people do people do

that that’s that’s not so abnormal

someone to take care of the baby

whenever they have to work

wow and you’re so that’s that’s just

gorgeous about their lives you’re so

disconnected from the common man they

don’t work we

we won the lottery we don’t yeah

oh wow wait how much how much you did

you guys win in the lottery

all of it a little bit yes you won the

whole shebang

just the state lotto you emptied it yeah

yeah

[Music]

well i congratulations thank you oh yeah

it’s been great okay so you you won

all of it and that so that’s why you

could afford

you’re too busy to actually interact

with the

we could afford all the baby books yeah

you know

we’re listen i feel like you’re

insinuating that

we’re being cheap when it comes to our

child

that’s not the case dr london

i’m sorry about that i didn’t mean to i

didn’t mean to imply that how many

babies you know that have an ipad as a

chew toy

yeah yeah probably none very few

yeah yeah doctor london very few name

three

dog dr london doesn’t even know any

babies

he doesn’t even know babies oh oh

great now all of his advice sounds like

hogwash

yeah it does i thought he was on to

something

name one friend of yours that’s a baby

dr london one

well they’re they’re more patients than

they are friends well i can tell you i’m

losing patience with you dr london

[Music]

you know what you know what friends are

patients you just haven’t met yet

oh okay really sweet

yeah that was really profound gear bear

you want to make another baby

yeah like right now sure well let’s

um maybe we’re gonna do this maybe

reconsider that

oh yeah oh yeah just because uh-huh

okay that’s gonna do oh

i feel like this is

did you arrive i mean dr i’m not a

doctor but this is wrong right

nope um what’s happening now this is the

incorrect way to make a baby right

i from what i can i look

i’m sorry i don’t really want to give

advice on how to make a baby

within the context of our medical lesson

of asthma which is the focus for today

but i know that

usually there’s not a snorkel involved

in london for some reason

as soon as i take a train ride if you

will i get very sleepy whenever he

arrives

maybe if you could start holding your

breath or trying to

form your nonsensical answers with one

breath

it might help me stay like contagious

oh okay so you’re saying that

it worked it did work for my medical

lesson yeah

i just need to take a deep breath and

say everything i’m gonna say

as fast as i can just generally

okay

so i guess my advice would be and the

important thing is that none of us cut

you off

when you do this i’m sorry the important

thing is what

that none of us cut you off after you’ve

taken your deep breath

okay because you could get lightheaded

yeah yeah dangerous if you keep taking

deep

inhales without really exhaling you

could get lightheaded so

i will not interrupt you

[Music]

thank you thank you for that okay okay

okay and i think another thing

yeah pointing out is that i think when i

was

going i was going to say you shouldn’t

interrupt him either

glenda that goes for you too okay no

problem okay

so let’s all agree right now that we’re

not going to interrupt dr london

unless we have something like really

like cool to say

okay yeah agree yeah agreement agreement

yes i agree okay so

okay so starting now

dr london are you still oh he’s still

there doctor

i i was scared that you passed out i’m

i’m so sorry

just uh one of the things with the child

you know one of those books that are

made

these improvised movie scenes that made

an actor break one of them is

anchorman which does make sense because

will ferrell

i mean he’s a pretty funny guy yes

i believe it’s pronounced will pharrell

oh i’m sorry like get lucky i was

coughing sounds like from the neptunes

yes yeah i’m sorry i got a little

i got a little light headed there did

you guys i mean i think we can guess

your advice

we um

i’m sure it was really interesting

oh you didn’t even listen before oh no

it was i’m sure it was no

no we totally listened it was super cool

yeah it was so awesome um we should uh

some uh pop on anchorman and

uh let ron burgundy uh teach him what he

needs to know

i’m on burgundy yeah yeah and we got it

all

yeah yeah yeah we were totally listening

and we’re definitely

not gonna go to the diner later and get

milkshakes without you

we’re not gonna do that no no

no no no we wouldn’t do that

yeah okay well i guess that’s um

do you have any more questions about how

to you know

take care of your child i’d say just

like more stimulation more

assistance like you said help i have a

milkshake question now

i know that um shamrock shakes our

proprietary uh item

do you know any uh diners locally that

might sell an equivalent to a shamrock

shake

i don’t know any diners but i

made this thing in my blender the other

day and it’s been sitting there for a

little bit because i

wanted other people to try it out i

think you might be interested

oh you know what we’ll have our baby try

it first yeah

yeah great yeah for sure i don’t

i’m sorry what what is in a

well what is in that shake that you made

cameron

what what ingredients well

four like are they safe for a baby four

fifths of the ingredients

are from the previous thing i had made

in the blender and left in there

and then the new fifth that i’ve added

is flour okay

okay thicken it up yeah okay so a

follow-up question

what was the thing that you made before

that you left four fifths of it so the

thing i had in there before

four-fifths of that was what i had in

there previously that i had blended up

and then just kind of like left in the

blender for a while and then the fifth

that i

added um was salt

one fifth of it was salt

yeah so a savory shake yeah yeah for

sure

yeah absolutely these all sound

perfectly fine

yeah so we’re gonna give these to the

baby pinocchio getting nosy again i know

oh cameron what are you making here in

blender it’s all it’s my business to

know

i can’t answer questions about babies

but i sure want to know about cameron

and his blender

we’re definitely going to give this

concoction to the baby i think we’ve all

agreed on that

but i also i do want to recommend

cutting out toxic people in your life

and i’m sorry but that it’s sometimes

the hardest people to cut out

are the people who suck the most and

unfortunately it does sound like that is

your baby

and i think so i would say block you

know block his number

um you know tell him up front like be

straight about it i hate people who

aren’t like just

like straight up you know what i mean

and so be like hey like just

you’re relying too much on us you’re not

doing anything for yourself like you’re

not taking any initiative

and block them on facebook on twitter

and just tell them like straight up like

you got to make changes or i’m out of

here

yeah i think that’s great advice yeah

that’s solid advice

thank you so much for all of your help

cameron

i all i want to do is help the people

thank oh thank you i’m just here to help

so yeah so one small point there

so a baby that sucks well

is actually a good baby like that’s the

ones

that can’t suck because excuse me excuse

me that’s our baby you’re talking about

yeah that’s a baby doctor

yeah wow whoa inappropriate in whatever

they’re trying to get

inappropriate totes and approach totes

so you’re saying you’re saying the only

legitimate way

uh to feed a baby is through

breastfeeding

using formula or anything like that is

fake and people who do that are fake

moms is that what you’re saying dr

london oh you’re calling our baby a

leech

okay first he said our baby isn’t as

smart as a baby tiger or a baby deer

yeah and now you’re saying our baby is a

leech it’s a leech thanks

thanks a lot uh your advice about

cutting out toxic people yeah

yeah solid it’s very solid thank you

solid

as a rock yes solid as well just like

chevy

yeah so yeah chase so

just one little just a little addendum

there so camera i was talking about

sucking and so with formula with

breastfeeding whatever that all involves

i didn’t realize this podcast was on

pornhub i know

jesus bring it in

but but obviously this is just a

small but important thing is that you

can actually confer some

immunoglobulins to the baby from the

mother via breastfeeding oh no that’s

not he’s talking about magical creatures

yeah goblins give me a break indigo

goblins first of all i’m not filled with

any goblins so i don’t have any goblins

that i’m gonna put into my baby oh my

god i thought you were a doctor indigo

god

i have serious doubts that he’s a doctor

or he’s trained in anything other than

railing people up

he’s one of these agitators i keep

hearing all about

i keep seeing the word agitator in the

news and i’m like i know who i’m

agitated with

yeah for sure he’s like a setting on uh

my washing machine yeah yep 100

yeah so you you get your news by

one word at a time no i get my news from

uh washing machines

yeah there was a possibility there was a

power cycle that happened the other day

that was blew my mind i was not

expecting that

listen to dr london trying to put a spin

cycle on this oh man that was a good one

garbage hey can i steal that

thank you can i steal that oh yeah yeah

it’s all your for sure okay that’s my

joke now their baby

dj dylan yes replay what he just said

but make it sound like my voice

yes do a deep fake can we get a deep

fake dj dylan

yes dr

london trying to put a spin cycle on

this okay great

yes no doctor london what i mean do you

have any closing thoughts

at all just something did they have any

opening thoughts

middle thoughts yeah yeah so just

um you know as we were saying just

remember that maybe

assisting helping the baby for now

it’s more of an investment that will pay

off later whenever the

the baby grows up a little bit functions

with a little bit more independence but

it is a gradual process

so that that can take time

and so it can seem lazy because they

can’t

move themselves very much but

that’s just sort of part of the process

i think we need to

have them watch the mandalorian baby

yoda can use yeah

they’d be able to can use the forest

very you know really comes in handy

yeah yeah all right uh yeah

yeah what you said we’re gonna watch the

mandalorian now yeah sounds good

okay well um you know while we’re here

uh

do you have anything to recommend in

terms of uh

well where people can find you and hear

some of your

advice some of our advice we

came to you for advice we aren’t

sleeping at all

i mean we’re so tired uh sometimes uh

because we don’t have the time to

actually watch movies

uh we do listen to a podcast uh

that features a married couple mm-hmm

speaking about movies

yeah it’s called you made me watch yeah

yeah they sound delicious very fun

they are delightful very fun couples

sound like they know what they’re doing

with parenting because they’re

they’re new parents too we are they have

time to watch movies and then podcast

about it yeah

it really seems like they don’t have a

lazy baby like their baby is

yeah their baby sounds great baby does

something self-sufficient

have they watched have they watched a

rear window

like the hitchcock film

i haven’t i haven’t i mean they

i don’t believe they have i believe

they’re specializing more

in uh 80s uh and 90s

uh 70s 80s and 90s trash and 70s 80s and

90s

uh kid movies

oh okay sorry i i’ve broken my leg and

i’ve been looking out at all my

neighbors through a telescope so i had

some questions about that but

i’ll i’ll ask somewhere else oh you’re

thinking the shia labeouf movie

yeah shia labeouf’s rear window the the

hitchcock film

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

exactly

okay i thought that was with johnny depp

the secret window

yeah the shia labeouf johnny depp

hitchcock film

secret window yeah looks out into the

garden of good and evil with kevin

spacey

yep yeah okay so yeah that sounds like a

great podcast what was the name of it

again

uh it’s called you made me watch and uh

you know since we don’t have the time to

watch

movies like blood diner or homeward

bound

or streets of fire or

uh babes in toyland or night at the

roxbury

we just listen to these people talk

about it

and exactly it makes us feel like we’ve

watched the movie yeah

it’s real fun oh that’s great yeah all

right

well i guess with that in mind thank you

to our guests uh

gary gern and glenda gern gerd gerd

i’m sorry gerd

they’ve been here just putting up with

your bs

excuse my language no but

it’s it’s fine the bs cameron it’s you

and me

yes thank you and i do want to say

closing thoughts just a little bit

it does look like here that one of the

other movies that

an improvised scene caused the actor to

break is good will hunting and matt

damon is breaking in that one too

so i think what we’re learning here is

that maybe tom hanks and robin williams

weren’t really that funny

it’s just that made matt damon’s got a a

little bit of a funny bone that get

gets tickled pretty easily and so i

think you could probably take that

advice and apply that to your baby

somehow

um you know i’m not gonna hold your hand

through that because you’re your own

independent people who can figure stuff

out on your own

thank you yeah you know what i’d like to

see a blooper reel for

what’s that schindler’s list same

yep yeah i bet they’re all you think

that girl in the red dress is just

cracking up

oh yeah just losing it yeah 100

yeah don’t there’s no spoilers no

spoilers no spoilies

all right well so thank you to being on

the show thank you to

our producer cameron for being on the

show you

yes yes thank you cameron thank you

thank you

thank you cameron thankful for just

cameron okay thank you cam

thank you to DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

[Music]

so i didn’t realize this podcast was on

pornhub

i know jesus pornhub bring it in

whoa inappropriate inappropriate totes

inappropriate totes and approach totes

interprobes

felt synaprobes yes totes inappropriate

yes tell it’s inappropriate yes

[Music]

my name is dr londonsmith.com oh oh dr

dr london before before pinocchio dr

pinocchio before we leave i forgot

my big surprise oh that i i’m sure you

heard a lot about i’m sure you’ve been

listening

and you can probably guess what my big

surprise was that i

teased at the beginning of the episode

is it a jar

uh no it’s the it’s it i’m sure you’ve

heard

the episode it was the the gift was the

episode that we just did oh that’s so

nice

that’s magical that’s really magical wow

it sounds like he almost didn’t even

need to bring it up at all

the real podcast was the friends we made

along the way yeah

for sure that’s and that is true

all right well this has been the jock

dock podcast

see ya

[Music]

you feel that something is off something

that makes your body feel

bad but in your current state there’s

little you can do

you cry out for help but somehow your

attempts to articulate your present

state of distress

do not appear to register in the ears of

those around you

finally hands grasp you they pick you

up and you rest against a kind shoulder

you spit up a little as she pats your

back and your body momentarily grants

relief to your anguish

about time speaking of being a baby

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