hey kids you are about to listen to a

comedy podcast that means

that none of this is medical advice if

you

need medical advice or medical care

please contact your doctor

welcome to the jock doc podcast

featuring dr london smith

take a seat and the doctor will be with

you shortly

introducing your host dr

london smith

[Applause]

hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast

where we discuss fitness and health and

how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring

i’m your host dr. londonsmith.com

i’d like to begin by apologizing to our

listeners

we’ve received some feedback about the

excessive amount of technical medical

terms that i’ve been using such as

cholinesterase reactivating agent and

miso hungi so i will try to temper my

terminology to a simpler one in the

future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron

well hello dr london how are you today

hi cameron i’m uh i guess i’m doing all

right

all thanksgiving you know i shouldn’t

have said hello to you first you know

who’s more important than you or i it’s

our listeners

yes so i should say before saying hello

to anyone else hello to our listeners

and actually

hello to one very special listener dr

london i talked about

a while back maybe a couple months ago

that we actually have a very famous

celebrity listener did i

do you remember who that was yeah it was

well it looked like it might have been

you pushing buttons on a sound board

no no no no no that was our celebrity

guest he was actually on that was

stanley from the office who was on the

show

yeah i’m talking about our our celebrity

listener who has been listening for a

long time

uh it’s our good friend david blaine and

i just want to talk to our our celebrity

listener david blaine

please return my shoes and socks please

please please

return my shoes and socks it was very

funny when you made them disappear

um but i need them to get around and i’m

stepping on a lot of debris and i’m

stepping on a lot of old cans and so i

just really if i could just get my shoes

and socks back

i would really really appreciate that

back to you dr london

okay because i remember that kind of

went viral that video of your shoes

disappearing

and it wasn’t just that they disappeared

because they he pointed to the sky and

said you see that ball of fire

and i think he meant the sun yeah he

said that’s where they are now

yeah he said that’s that’s what it is

now

yeah so i think he was implying that my

shoes and socks had become

the sun which i don’t agree with that um

you know i’m a mormon so i have

different beliefs on those things

yeah you know i believe i’m going to

live famously

yeah now you’ve talked about that most

episodes

it was very impressive the the video

went viral and that was awesome like it

was great for the podcast and everything

but my feet are very cold

um they’re very wet and i would just i’d

really like to get those back so david

blaine

please for the love of god return my

shoes

back to you dr london yeah and i’m sorry

to bring it back again but like

because you’ve also you seem to have

gone out of your way more than you ever

did before to like

walk through mud and stuff because i i

don’t know if you read about trench foot

before or

after but you seem to be trying to get

trench foot wait wait what is

trench foot describe that real quick so

it’s it’s

these infections that can happen because

you you walk through

you know muddy kind of cold water yeah

that describes that describes what i’m

going for

for sure yeah and so and you so you have

all these ulcers

like these open wounds in your feet and

i can’t help but think

that doctor hey because you didn’t do

that before you didn’t walk through this

idiot stop shh listen listen for a

second

do you not see what i’m doing here do

you not see

the lawsuits that we can bring against

david blaine if my foot

has to get amputated because of a large

infection

[Music]

so you think the loss of your foot would

be worth it if you could get the riches

of a potential lawsuit with david blaine

well i just the yes

the amount that we would get is

definitely going to replace my foot with

something

i mean awesome we i mean i could add it

i

i would want like to to replace my foot

with one of those grabber claws

uh-huh a club maybe yeah but you know

like the plastic grabby claws

i would really like to replace my feet

with that so and i

really think we could be able to afford

that if we’re able to sue david blaine

and then everything

extra can go straight to the podcast i’m

benefiting you dr london

okay and just to just throw in an

alternative in case

have you thought about just getting some

more socks and shoes

instead have you ever tried to

grab something off a shelf with just

wearing socks and shoes instead of

having a grabber claw foot

i you’re not thinking through the

logistics dr london

just move on just move on i mean come on

okay well um

also with us is DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

david blaine

david blaine david blaine

david blaine please return my shoes and

talk please please please get again

stop it was very funny idiot

stop

[Music]

it was very funny when you made them

disappear if i could just get my shoes

and socks back

i would really really appreciate that

[Music]

i’m stepping on debris

[Music]

and later cameron tells me that we can

expect a special guest

a special wise guest is that what you

said that is right dr london

possibly the wisest guest we’ve had

well all right so uh are you gonna look

forward to that i’m gonna stress

just because our guest is extremely wise

person

it does not mean that it’s shaquille

o’neal dr

london it’s not shaquille i

oh my god the way you’re saying it

though it’s not shaquille o’neal i know

in your face when we get to the guest

portion you’re going to say

you know who’s really wise who the guest

is a shaquille o’neal and it’s

just well it’s the man most known for

his wisdom

reach out to him if you want him on the

show i if i could get him i would

but you are going to have to reach out

for him if this is what you need

the man most renowned for wisdom in the

current age

and maybe in any age before so

yeah i’m sorry if every time you say oh

we’re gonna have this

most wise person you’ve ever known

appear on the podcast

yeah sometimes i think it’s gonna be

shack and i don’t think that that’s bad

i nope does that sound bad it’s not bad

it’s not unreasonable it’s actually

really understandable but it breaks my

heart dr london to see your face crushed

week in and week out

for these last like four five six weeks

now

anyway before we move on um i would like

to address a bit of listener feedback

i found this note spray painted onto the

curtains of my house

the note reads quote

those punks down at home depot are gonna

be sorry they denied

a refund to me so what if i bought it

three yards ago

a deal is a deal end quote

so first of all i would like to thank

you so much for your insightful question

here on the jock dog podcast

to answer your question so so return

policies actually they vary

between businesses but because that

business

is a privately owned one they do

unfortunately

have the right to deny your refund

um after three years or what it really

just depends on their problem what’s

your

return policy dr london for your

patience

when can my patients be returned is that

what you’re asking

no what’s your return policy like let’s

say a patient

came in for a flu shot and then you know

three months later they get the flu and

they want to you know

they want to return the flu shot get a

refund

well their policy they wouldn’t be able

to

return the shot because that by that

point their body has already

you know formed the antibodies uh

so you just don’t even know they’ve used

it you just don’t even agree with you

know the customer is always right

you know actually treating the customer

with respect and and you honoring that a

deal is a deal

that just is foreign to you no wonder

they can’t no wonder this listener

you know wrote this story into you about

how awful home depot’s acting you’re

acting the same way with your patients

yes i just so they

they even if the hypothetical situation

existed where let’s say they had

the you know the syringe and they have

the

the flu shot you know receipt and

everything

they wouldn’t have the flu shot itself

because it’s already been incorporated

into their immune system

and because you don’t have any respect

for the customer you just see them as a

mark

i don’t think that i see them in that

way but i every time a patient walks

into your doctor’s office

you start doing this and the listener

can’t see this right now but he’s

rubbing his hands going oh baby

and i’ve seen it in person

okay well in any case uh so to our

listeners maybe um

if we could try getting a few more

medical questions in in the future these

ones seem

this one in particular seems really

directed towards home depot

uh and we’re more of a medical education

podcast so that’s

to me that he’s he’s he’s criticizing

your

return policy by using it as an example

at home depot like this is an example of

poor customer service

you’re giving me the same terrible

customer service because i’m trying to

get a refund

on the prostate exam that you had given

me the other day and i

i didn’t feel it was everything that i

had paid for

right and i guess so some pla some

businesses will have a sign up that says

you know status complete satisfaction or

your money back

that kind of thing we we don’t have

those signs up usually because you’re a

terrible operation

and you hate your customers because

patients are customers

that’s what you call them

usually so we can we can go ahead and

move on from there

now for today’s medical topic

spontaneous pneumothorax

a pneumothorax is defined as air in

the normally airless pleural space which

is the space between the tissues that

line the lungs and the chest

so in other words air gets trapped just

outside the lungs which gives the lungs

less room to expand and fill with air

a spontaneous pneumothorax is when this

space is created without any trauma

so there are two types of spontaneous

pneumothorax there’s primary and

secondary

a primary spontaneous wait wait wait

wait hold on hold on you’re able to

create the space in your body without

trauma well it’s not so much an ability

as

a as a pathology like it’s a bad thing

when it happens

right well the space already exists it’s

just an expansion within that space

okay so it’s fine that every breath i

take is

traumatic no

well no you’re describing it’s painful

every time you breathe yeah and then in

the future i’ll have

flashbacks to every single breath i’ve

ever had

wait when you say in the future

yeah because i wouldn’t have a flashback

to something that’s happening right now

but i’m saying like in the future i

might be

at a kroger or something and i’m going

down the aisle and

i’m looking through the coupons i have

and i’m seeing hmm

i wonder if i could get uh you know the

uh

toaster strudels but the breakfasty ones

that have like eggs and stuff in them

because i got a coupon here

and then suddenly i drop everything and

i start having flashes

to the past and what i’m flashing back

to

is my trauma which is every single

breath i’ve ever taken

i so if if you’ve had

um painful you know breathing that’s

called pleuritic

chest pain whenever it hurts whenever

you breathe that’s

that’s something you know if especially

that happens every time you breathe

you should probably see a doctor

[Laughter]

it’s just sorry to interrupt the

it’s odd in a sense because you don’t

bring it up that much

yeah i mean i try to keep it to myself

and i try to limit the amount of breaths

i take in any given day

i really only take like i don’t know

like

12. usually that’s

like the minimum per minute that you

should be taking

not for me you know who taught me this

david blaine wow his famous magic trick

of holding his breath which is

the most magic thing you can do yeah

that is i i don’t think i could do it

so i guess any case so um primary

spontaneous pneumothorax is caused by

spontaneous rupture of subplural blebs

at the apex of the lungs when they

rupture

these air-filled sacs in the lungs cause

an escape of air from the lung

into the pleural space causing the lung

to collapse

this more commonly happens in tall lean

young men

and in these cases patients typically

have sufficient pulmonary reserve

so severe respiratory distress really

doesn’t usually occur

however in secondary spontaneous

pneumothorax

that can occur as a complication of an

underlying lung disease such

as you know copd asthma

interstitial lung disease neoplasms

cystic fibrosis sharp just sharp

tuberculosis knives

stabbing into every portion of your

thoracular area

uh when you take a breath yeah well

you’re

thoracic but yeah uh so this secondary

spontaneous pneumothorax is

it’s more life-threatening because

they’ve already had these problems

chronically you know long-term uh and so

they have

a less pulmonary reserve they they’re

able to take less hits

which i don’t know if you can relate to

that oh i can take a lot of hits

right okay so so clinically patients

will present with chest pain on one side

usually sudden and onset they

they may also have difficulty with pain

or you know difficulty breathing

pain with breathing and a cough on exam

they will have decreased breath sounds

over the affected side

uh of hyper resonance over the chest

you know this reminds me of someone who

dealt with a lot of pain

and and difficulty breathing is our good

friend and listener david blaine

when he was doing his famous magic trick

of um

you know staying in an ice cube or

something for three days do you remember

when he did that

that famous magic trick again

i love how much it incorporates the

concept of magic

him in some sort of a cold house for a

few days

and that really inspired me and i think

he had probably difficulty breathing

because it was probably kind of cold

and a little uncomfortable for like

three days or something

i guess i should clarify the most magic

thing i can think of

i feel like you knew david blaine a lot

more than i did

because i never knew him personally

never

was near him physically i don’t know if

you probably were and you probably

didn’t know it because that’s kind of

his

thing his magic

is that is that how have you ever seen

him

before no i mean no one’s

seen like david blaine it’s more he

you know he he he kind of floats from

building to building in house to house

and city to city

wreaking havoc and doing his tricks he

takes on forms of

you know different kind of people

sometime and creatures and whatnot maybe

it might be a wise owl or something but

i don’t i feel like you’re implying a

lot about

his powers so not

every phenomenon in life that’s

difficult to explain

is david blaine i i should clarify that

now

like a spontaneous pneumothorax for

instance not

necessarily going to be a david blaine

okay

so you’re saying like the loss of my

shoes and socks might be related to

something else

even though david blaine is famous for

making things disappear and that video

went viral

yeah well i don’t remember actually

seeing david blaine’s face in it i

remember your

it was mostly reaction shots from you

yeah and the reaction

gifts it was mostly the gifts that went

viral i guess

yeah all right well so anyway

to go back a little bit to to the um you

know clinical presentation

uh on exam patients with spontaneous

pneumothorax

they’ll have decreased breast sound on

the affected side hyper resonance over

the chest

decreased or absent uh tactile feminists

on the affected side

and a mediastinal shift towards the side

of

pneumothorax on imaging and that’s in

contrast to

tension pneumothorax where the

mediastinal shift will be away

from the pneumothorax on imaging

chest x-ray confirms the diagnosis of

spontaneous pneumothorax

that’ll show the the visceral pleural

line treatment

of primary spontaneous pneumothorax in

mild cases is

pretty much simply observation and

maybe a small chest tube with a one-way

valve

and that’s to to let the air escape from

uh

from the lungs from that just like when

david blaine himself

escapes from the chains that he put on

himself

when he hung upside down that one time

or something

yeah uh and so so if the primary

spontaneous pneumothorax is larger or if

the patient is more symptomatic

you can give them you know supplemental

oxygen along with

needle aspiration or chest tube

insertion to allow

air to be released and for the lung to

you know consequently re-expand

treatment of spun i’m sorry of secondary

spontaneous pneumothorax

is focused mainly on treating the

underlying condition like i said that’s

copd

asthma that kind of thing oh no i know

you don’t need to tell me any of this

stuff i experience it

now the the treatment of it

yeah just all of it everything you were

saying yeah

all the stuff that you can explain and

the ice box and the

the holding your breath all i got i’ve

got all of it right here

for the listener i’m pointing to my my

brain

well he tried to point to his yeah

um anyway we can uh we can we can move

on from there

if as long as you understand yeah yeah

sure okay okay

[Music]

all right uh cameron you said that we

had a guest today someone who’s

more wise more wise than shaq apparently

more wise than shaq

and even more wise than uh shaq plus one

is that is that whenever he went to a

party or is that the band

the is that the christian contemporary

music band from

like 1998 yeah or is it the little is it

the point he’s more wise than shaquille

o’neal combined with the members of the

christian contemporary boy band

plus one and that’s our guest today

welcome all right

oh i want to thank you for having me

yeah um so my name is dr londonsmith.com

and this is our producer cameron and

what was your name i am pylox the elder

i am a village elder by trade oh pilot’s

the elder

you’re a village elder by trade is that

something you were born into is this was

your father and elder

grandpa trade school i aged directly

into it

i was uh i was born pilax the younger

and then i became an elder after quite

some time and study

okay i do want to i do want to thank you

i do want to thank you for having these

these these torch holders here right in

your chairs

for me to place my torch yeah that’s it

holds it right there nice and snug

therefore uh i’m actually surprised more

guests haven’t used those i thought

stanley from the office when he came on

the show was going to use the torch

holder and he didn’t touch it at all

so i actually i thank you i mean you

said pylox

yes pylox like chlorophyll where does

where does that name come from what is

that does that mean anything or is that

just you know

yes i was found in a pile of

leaves outside outside of a hut in the

just

on the outskirts of the wilderness okay

oh wow so you were just found by someone

who

just kind of kind of just thought of the

first thing that popped into their head

huh

and it wasn’t that’s what his name is it

was pile yeah

yeah they stuck with pile not with the

leave portion that’s really the

structure

well in what infrastructure was made in

my in my culture

uh a pile is sacred while leaves

we avoid leaves they are forbidden but

the pile is really sacred

so we emphasize that okay

i and speaking of your culture uh if i

may ask what

what is your culture well mainly

our culture is passed down from the

elders

to our our children and we mainly do

this by

standing around in circles along around

blazing

huge conflagrations of fire and chanting

chanting all night okay wow

so that that’s so when we ask like what

your

what culture like there’s not a name for

your culture it’s just y’all stand

around a fire

or a place it’s called the elder order

order of elders okay

and is that is that in new york or is

that

we’re on the outskirts of new jersey

sure

okay all right okay that makes sense

so i wait no i want to ask you talk

about like it’s the society of elders so

you’re not the only elder is is pretty

much everyone in you this culture an

elder

in my culture i am one of the elders

and there’s youngers who are around and

they’re there but

we passed down our culture to them

and the youngers are basically future

elders

if they’re lucky what what’s the

alternative

yeah what so what what can a younger

grow into

that’s not a an elder a pile

we lose many of them when they go on if

they go on their vision quests

out into the wilderness oh the outskirts

of new jersey

okay so if they make if they make it

back from their vision quest

if they make it back from their vision

quest they’re promoted to elder

right i kind of like the society because

i like elder typically implies you know

with the select group of people who are

making important decisions

but i like this type of society where

just everyone’s an elder

or on their way to be an elder and you

just kind of rotate them in and out

that’s pretty appealing to me as a

person who has

tried to receive you know eldership and

sort of leadership positions

throughout my life and everyone’s saying

like no we don’t trust you to take care

of things

we don’t trust you to make decisions and

put that down

it’s kind of interesting and reassuring

to hear there’s a place out there that

might

uh appeal to me honestly well especially

the interesting

movement fire society the fire aspect i

love that part of it everyone loves the

fire because that

so that’s been keeping cameron from

position

so far i think is the fire but

with the fire being incorporated to an

aspect of being an elder

that sounds like almost too good to be

true for cameron

yeah and i’m just i’m just so chilly and

i’m very terrified of being trapped in

an ice cube

like david blaine was and so i’d like to

have a torch that i can just kind of

melt my way out of

a fire gives you a an air of seriousness

if you put it down below you and it

lights up your face people

really listen and hone in on what you’re

getting at that’s why i carry my torch

with me everywhere

yeah that that is a excellent point

people do not listen to me or respect me

and i feel like if i was constantly

shooting flames out as i spoke people

would have to

listen and have to respect i’m gonna go

ahead and put my diet slice

down into the other torch holder on the

other side of this chair

yeah go ahead it’s the perfect size for

it yeah it seems odd to put

a drink in one of the torch holders but

i guess yeah

i have a diet slice that’s the same

shape as a torch

but yes if

if it works it works that’s one of the

sayings of

my culture oh your culture is just

if it works it works you all take just

the methodology of you know

you don’t have to do it right it’s just

if it’s if it ain’t broke

don’t fix it so so in your culture

you talked about going on a vision quest

which sounds like

the main returning from invention quest

sounds like

the prerequisite to becoming an elder

aside from

age so right what i would

i wouldn’t make an agent aside that

would be the main issue

the main carrier to be an elder but yes

because to me if

it sounds like if you survive

for long enough you will become an elder

except

if you go on a vision quest and you

don’t return

so that’s i’m wondering what what does a

vision quest consist of how does that

yeah like what what’s so dangerous about

it why did why are half or you know a

number of the people not returning

i can i can uh only tell you about what

happened on my vision quest

um i mean please because we don’t really

know in fact what happens to the ones

who don’t return because they don’t come

back to tell

their tale but life would be rude to try

to assume

yes you know what they say about

assuming it doesn’t

do it i took my vision quest

i got out that morning underneath the

pile of

straw that i was sleeping on because

leaves are forbidden

and i walked towards the sun

which you know led me to the

state of america that’s directly west

of new jersey right but anyway new

jersey

yes west new jersey shore and i saw

uh of fantastic animals leaping about

the sky

i was in pure delirium and i was hoping

that they would

bestow upon me of wisdom

necessary to be an elder in my tribe

and when i got back is that what

happened everyone assumed it did yeah i

think so

so i’m sorry you said you were in

delirium uh

did you partake of a substance

or a drink or anything like that before

the vision quest

because what were you just dehydrated

i did drink a lot of diet slice that day

okay so you were well hydrated

yes yeah it sounds like the so is this

is the diet slice thing is that specific

to you

is that your taste or is that what

everyone drinks before these vision

quests and just in general in your

society

well we have a vending machine and it’s

a slice vending machine i

prefer diet slice that’s that’s mainly

how that

shakes out you should you know you

shouldn’t shake a machine that doesn’t

work

don’t do that if it works it works don’t

shake it yeah it could fall on you yes

so i want to ask pilots sir so

you first of all i want to ask what what

brings you here today is there any

specific

is there any specific reason here today

well

i i in this modern world people get so

swept up in their tablets that they have

i assume they’re tablets i don’t know

what they are

yeah but they’re they’re just they’re

like cruising down a

uh a creek in a without a canoe and

that’s how we say in my culture but you

know i just want to offer them the kind

of the

the wisdom and the teachings of uh that

a more ancient culture

might have for you people like for

example

robes are a perfect are the perfect uh

clothing that you should be wearing more

often they’re so comfortable

they’re they’re the perfect garment

really okay

so i so it’s is that the only reason to

wear a robe is just

comfort i think it gives you an air

of like seriousness and superiority

when it doesn’t make it look like you’re

about to take a shower

so when i walk outside yeah it’s true

and

hold on london not only does it give you

an air of seriousness but it also

allows a nice airflow

so your undergarment area but keeps you

close to the spirits

but when i when i walk outside

and i’m wearing only a robe

and it blows open and i get this this

airflow

and i don’t know whatever spirit’s

greeted me whatever

uh the the sound of heckling

from all around from the neighbors

it hasn’t sounded like respect it has

sounded very critical of

you know my well it sounds like you’re

in the wrong society london i mean

are people’s robes blowing open and up

and all the time over in uh where you’re

from

oh it it definitely happens i mean

that’s one of the the main problems with

robes

and especially since my culture has not

developed

the uh the ability the ability to cinch

robes

closed oh with like a smaller kind of

rope

like robe i don’t you know what i mean

yeah like a belt it’s theoretical

is that word not is that word not mean

anything to you to you

it is yes it is only theoretical in my

culture ah

i’m sorry you have but in your culture

you have

rope we have rope of course but how else

would we

drag our young children out from piles

when they go scurrying about

right i so so you have the rope

and you have the robes and what’s in

theory

is some sort of rope-like material to

use on the road some sort of

belt-like system but that’s more of a

theoretical concept

lost me at the word belt there now what

is that some sort of

some sort of

that is actually an excellent way to i

would say that’s the best description of

a belt i’ve ever heard of my entire life

i’m gonna have to write

write to this down and bring it up next

at the next council

see well okay and cameron is not

necessarily the best person to ask about

this

because he will not wear a belt

i can’t find my belt that’s different

yeah well and

you also seem to they got david blind

yeah

because you you seem to always buy you

know pants or

you know trousers that have such an

expanded waistline

that like you would have to wear a belt

or suspenders or something

but for you you use a rope right

you lost me at pants but i picked it

back up at trousers

thank you so uh look i wear clown

trousers the really big ones that come

with like maybe some suspenders or

something but i take the suspenders off

because they’re not cool

and so yeah i’m wearing these big dumpy

pants but

i get them cheap i get them on clearance

and they’re usually fun polka dots

and maybe there’s little like animals or

something on it

it’s a lot of fun but this is so

irrelevant dr london why are you even

getting into this and getting into it

it’s more i mean my trousers i apologize

it’s because

you know uh pyloxy elder here

he might learn of something that’s

that you consider to be normal cameron

whenever really

it’s just you like the way that you use

a rope to

go you know encircle your body um like a

harness

to keep your clown trousers

suspended with kind of like suspenders

except a lot more work

um and so i i just don’t want him to be

confused about what our modern

culture you know

and that that’s understandable but i do

want to say that’s not

that’s not to hold my pants up that’s an

escape trick i’m trying to escape out of

to be a little more like david blaine

this is obvious i feel like this doesn’t

have to be explained yeah based on this

these sort of things you’re

you’re sharing with me now i feel like

it could really

rupture my my society greatly as

these are just mind-blowing advancements

the idea of

of pants that are held up all the time

it’s very shocking too well see you’re

but you’re introducing the joys of robes

to me

so in a way we’re sort of trading

technologies and

trading ideas and this is what culture

is all about

to speak to your advancements here you

know in just this short a time

you’ve gone from saying trousers only

you just said

pants so that’s you know you’re already

making headway here

and i think you sell yourself short

whenever you feel like you can’t make

these advancements

i feel like i’m streaking across the

cosmos

like one of those lightning bugs in the

sky that i see from time to time

but besides robes what else what else do

you got for us

well i see that both of your your heads

are naked

and i would suggest reeves

i notice in people in this culture they

put wreaths on their doors but those

belong on your heads

by children wow that is true what is i

mean what does that offer is that purely

an aesthetic

choice or is that i mean is there a

reason like laurels

yes like laurels wreaths on your head

it’s

it’s it certainly keeps your head warm

especially that part around the circle

but also birds they can land there

and just have a great time okay

oh wow is that i’ve been saying that’s

something to strive for

for a long time you are speaking my

language sir i love that do you see a

lot of upset birds

lund i’ve been putting a lot of work

into it

making sure birds are attracted to dr

london here thinking that would be a fun

gift and he gets

so mad about it okay i have heard birds

and i just feel like they don’t sound

upset i feel like they’re having plenty

of fun

i don’t know they need to perch upon my

head

in order to you know uh but it’s a gift

from the gods well no it’s from from us

right

even in my culture wreaths do have to be

assembled by hand they don’t come from

nowhere

okay are you are you guys religious

at all we like to think of ourselves as

a pre-christian

era okay even though i would say you

live in

you know maybe a christian or

post-christian era

you we used a different star chart

calendar

okay okay yeah that would explain that

okay well okay so is is astronomy

a big aspect of your culture then in the

sense that

we have the direction of up and we

gaze in that direction from time to time

okay that’s astronomy that’s pretty much

that’s pretty much it i’m not i’m not

sure what you were fishing for there dr

london but that was a solid answer

yeah no i i guess i i assumed that

if they had a calendar based on it then

and it oh okay you’re you’re poking

you’re trying to figure out the case

it made a distinction from our own

calendar

we look up when we use our calendar

that’s how i us

that’s what i how i assume you use your

calendar as well what direction do you

look at

uh for for my account so i have a

calendar on my phone

actually oh wait that might be that

might be advanced for you

that might be a phone is like a robe

it’s like a rope a phone is like a robe

for

um all of the information that exists

in the world but you could but you can

hold this robe in your hands

that’s not so different from me see i

have a robe that’s covered in

stars and half moons and so forth and

that’s all the information of the world

as well wow i mean that that’s kind of

true you have the entire universe

on your outfit i in what in what sense

do you have the world on your robe

like cameron i understand the comparison

is making with your phone but

uh for pylox the elder i’m not sure

in in what way the the pictures of the

moons and the stars

and the planets on his robe dr london i

don’t want to shock you with the

knowledge for my culture but

we are like a bean in a soup of stars

and planets and half moons just swirl it

around

we could say that about any of us i

suppose we’re all inhabitants of this

universe

yes that’s the type of realization you

make and and that’s

what makes you grow up now now now pylox

the elder i want to ask before you would

you had mentioned that you

were coming back from your vision quest

this is when

you were being bumped up to an elder and

you

sort of just assumed that you knew

everything and that you were wise and

everyone kind of assumed that too yes

yes we all so we all just felt that was

about right

yeah it just like seemed like it worked

how i mean is that

is that like what is your ratio to

to good wisdom and bad wisdom that

you’ve been dishing out to people

well i assume all of my wisdom is good

have you seen have you seen the did that

happen i mean

it’s 100 that that’s the ratio is

yeah i guess that’s my question have you

been nailing it like when you throw out

this wisdom to your society has it been

like working 100 of the time or

are things getting kind of messed up

well when

you say your arm gets broken

when we break our arm and we apply a

series of leeches onto the arm

and then the person dies obviously it’s

good wisdom that that person was evil

and needed to die and that actually

makes sense to me

and dr london i think you can start

looking at a lot of your patients and

your practice

in this sort of way so if people come in

with like a terminal

illness instead of saying oh how can i

fix them why not tell them

you know obviously you have an evil

inside you

so and you need to be gone from this

earth

for starters you know that

leeches aren’t usually the traditional

treatment for

you know an arm injury unless it’s you

know there there are a few exceptions a

few

sort of odd things but um generally

because of the word traditional they’re

inaccurate i can tell you for sure it is

the traditional treatment

yeah that is that is absolutely true i

would say dr london you are not the

expert on what isn’t is not traditional

here

okay okay um well

you’re just the nerd just just for the

listeners

that the if you have an arm bleeding out

or something you don’t apply leeches

because there’s already hemorrhaging and

you don’t want them to suck the blood

even more that’s what they need is to

stop the bleeding

you’re misunderstanding the entire point

dr london

that these people are passing away and

getting injured because that is who they

are and it was the wise decision brought

on to them to allow them to die is that

about right

that sounds right to me yes

and again you don’t know a hundred

percent because like you just assuming

that you’re

super wise i don’t know percents

oh that’s that hasn’t made it there

either okay no extremely valid

i get that what what is it

over a v i i roman numeral

we can use that ratio uh

a seven you’re describing a v i do you

mean a seven

yeah vii oh i know seven up because it’s

right next to the doc

the diet slice in the vending machine

yeah but you never knew that one

okay no yeah so i want to ask

so i i want to get back to this because

i’ve been holding on to this question

for a while you keep talking about diet

slice these vending machines that you

keep using

now who who brought this tech has this

technology always existed in your

society or was this brought to you by

someone when did this

when did you guys start this uh diet

slice obsession

because it seems a little out of i mean

frankly it seems like you wouldn’t

usually know what that

is i do remember when the the vending

machines were brought to

my society i was gazing

up at the calendar in the sky and the

oddvark shape of stars

was in the waxing moon position

and then there were vending machines

brought to our society

does that answer your question

yeah pretty much i mean i don’t have any

follow-ups to that yeah and so this is

all

happening in new jersey shore uh

yes yeah so um

i guess do you guys have things like

electricity or running water

anything like that i know you said

you’re you lived in

a pile of straw yes

because leaves are forbidden right but

uh

yeah and piles are sacred in your

society so we have many piles of other

things

like used vending machine wrappers for

example

but of course we have we have running

water through our creeks upon which we

canoe

and uh the i don’t know what powers your

vending machines

but ours are powered by a type of spirit

that i’ve heard called electricity so

you have these machines that are run

is this like a i don’t know like a

bus stop or like a travel stop kind of

thing do you do you have to walk a

distance to get to these machines

yeah there are there they are about a

quarter of a vision’s quest

outside the village okay

that’s how you measure distance is

you’ve gone on a vision quest

and it’s a set measurement

of how how far you have to walk to be on

a vision quest

that’s how how we’ve measured distances

since i was one one thousandth of a

vision’s quest

tall okay okay wow

it measures height as well well it’s it

you know

length that makes sense it that’s

kind of the most that this has made

sense so far in a way i guess that’s

true yeah

well so i’m i’m

super glad about the amount of

information that we’ve learned about

your culture which

what did you say the name of it was or

did it have a name it’s called the elder

order

order of elders okay just in order

it’s not a particular one

look i don’t want to cut things off

early here but we unfortunately have

these chores to do oh

yeah thank you for reminding me dr

london we do have to get to this all

right if

i hate doing these tours they just to

catch

some of our listeners up we’ve had to do

this for the last few weeks

we we’ve had a to-do list that’s a mile

long that’s been building up

all year over year now viruses how long

how long is a mile in vision quests

oh man i’d i would say i mean at least

like uh

like is that a ha like probably a half a

vision quest or do you think that’s

like a double vision quest yeah that

sounds like a double vision quest

yeah that amount that we haven’t

specified so

yes anyway so we it’s probably a double

vision quest

and so we’ve we’ve we’ve had this list

of double vision quests

long and it’s been building up and it’s

been really frustrating so we finally

organized into a chore wheel we’re

knocking off we’re trying to check off

everything that we need to get done

so dj dylan can you just go ahead and

spin our chore wheel and we can just

figure out what we got to do today

yes oh

right it says oh gosh i did not want to

have to deal with this one

it says well it’s a letter from the

mayor actually

so the mayor contacted us i mean it was

about six months ago thank god the

olympics were cancelled

because this was supposed to be for the

olympics

the mayor has contacted us about

creating an entirely

new sport from the ground up one rule

at a time yes that we’ve got to come up

with and

we once we figure it out it’s going to

be an olympic sport

and whoever is the winner of this sport

is going to be on

wheaties the wheaties box and so this is

very important this is a huge deal it’s

a

huge undertaking but we’re going to have

to handle this right now pilak’s the

elder you’re a very

wise man will you be able to help us

right now now i know

sports might be a foreign concept to you

but have you guys

ever played any fun games or anything in

your society

no i i think i am familiar with this

concept

uh we mainly focus vigorous activity

in our elbows okay

okay so so but that gives us a starting

point

yeah i feel like this is something that

we can really work with

okay so it’s an elbow-based sport

um it’s an elbow-based sport is it or do

we

is this going to be a team sport or an

individual sport well to start out

i say okay okay oh go ahead i was going

to say like

maybe the way that we we can work

together some but also

you know maybe in order so pylox the

elder just went first

you know he said it should be elbow

elbow-based sport

and so maybe cameron if you want to add

the next detail

of the sport and maybe if we do it this

way it’ll feel like less

work because that’s what i’m thinking

here is it’s so much worse i agree

that makes the most sense to me so we’re

gonna go one at a time

we’re gonna come up with i don’t know

however many rules until we

finally get this yeah because the mayor

has

so in on our backs he has

been on our backs about this i want to

add this elba based game i want to

i want to i want it to be cold as hell

this is sort of a shout out to my friend

david blaine

who loves hanging on ice cubes i think

an important part of this sport is that

it should be freezing cold and that

everyone should be cold and that

everyone’s

teeth should be chattering because it’s

cold so much

okay um yeah from

for my edition so we know it’s going to

be cold

and it’s going to be elbow-based so i

think

um strapped to their heads

these players should have a torch

because warmth should be close by in

case of an emergency

so the top of their head should have a

torch on it

so it will make people take it seriously

too yeah i mean the only way the

mayor is going to even accept this is if

we involve a torch we basically learned

that today

right i certainly

would want to incorporate the screaming

howls and chants that my culture is

known for

that you can hear from so far away

and in in this sport perhaps if

if if that was what was being measured

these

these the uh the amount of these chants

or their

their devotion to the gods would be

great

okay the amount of servitude to the gods

i actually like

that better scream can you measure that

measure the amount of

servitude to the gods

i have this written down this is

incredible

so wait i want to hear real quick can we

get a demo of what maybe those howls

and screams sound like just so we know

okay okay

so i know it’s not as loud as i was

expecting but it is much

better i guess i was i definitely was

expecting something more bombastic but i

i kind of like that i think that works

so i i think i have a connecting

piece here to sort of bring some of this

together we’re talking a lot about

torches and incorporating torches

strapping on your head we’re talking

about using our elbows

we’re also talking about your the amount

of servitude you’re bringing to the gods

so what if you’re also holding very

heavy torches

and the goal is to hold them as high as

you can to the gods to praise them

and you’re in like a cold chamber

because it’s extremely cold

and so you either are out if you

drop the torches or if you

die from freezing

okay it it is a tradition in my

culture to consider someone to be out if

they die

yeah and i think that’s something that

maybe we can extend to these modern

games that maybe we haven’t considered

before

you know back in the 96 olympics when

carrie strugg

broke her hinkle and then just died on

the platform

after her big jump and they just made

her continue on

after that and they threw her corpse i

didn’t like that i thought that was

disturbing

okay that’s a that’s a fair approach

so okay so so far we have once again is

that

at the end of the day this will need to

be elbow-based so i’m going to try to

to to bring that in a little bit we have

torch well

i was hoping i was hoping that holding

the torches at sort of a 90 degree

l angle would put an emphasis on elbow

strength

okay because so i was going to say

okay elbow-wise it needs to be an

elbow-based sport

so even though the measurement of how

much you’re winning

is you know the the sound the decibels

um maybe into the height

of the torches right and the height of

the torches so maybe your elbows

um each side of them will have half of a

cylinder or no sorry a funnel and

if you put them together just so

then you’ll have sort of a megaphone

uh and so the update would be to raise

up the torches

and incline your head so that you yell

through the megaphone made by your

elbows

and that way we would incorporate all

aspects

i really like this and another thing

about this if we’re measuring from two

different things then it can sort of be

judged like swimming or gymnastics where

you know one person get the gold medal

in the butterfly swim

version versus freestyle or backstroke

so some people might get a gold medal in

the voice

versus the height of the torches you

know there’s different ways versus like

who is

less frozen to death yeah and actually

so we should

cut it off i think we’ve got the rules

now because

i would have i want one more i want one

more

from pylox the the wise elder bring us

home we’ve got we almost

what are the legs doing that’s what i

was thinking the whole time

oh yes what are the legs doing we’ve

talked so much about trousers and robes

today

which i understand that you don’t

necessarily believe in all of those

things

i’m i’m lost at the mention of those

but i i i believe you if

if this is uh you’re supposed to be

doing this sport vigorously

uh perhaps you’re trying to melt the ice

that you are uh standing upon and

encased within

and if you are able to free yourself

then you are like freeing your spirit

ah okay so you know you’re trapped in

the big ice

the big david blaine ice cube but part

of the goal so maybe part of the

measurements

okay here we go so the three ways

that your points are being measured

decibels

height of torches that you’re holding up

amount of water you’ve melted into a

bucket no sorry

four no no i’m sorry you’re right you’re

right the decibels i was thinking of the

the funnel the megaphone oh yeah

and all all three of those equal

appeasement to the gods

the appeasement to the gods that is how

you measure the

the appeasement to the gods this was the

answer to the question that we wondered

and of course it is you know a really

call back to the original olympics which

were

you know in greece and with the uh the

mount olympus

the the mountain of the gods all of that

so this is really a good tie-in

and i’m sorry if you’re not so now we

need we gotta

the last thing is we gotta come up with

the name okay

um i say just keep it simple and call it

ice torture

because people are gonna die and they’re

trapped

okay i thought you meant torture sped

like a torch

so okay oh ah yes

there it is i was just thinking the word

torture

but it’s ice torch er hyphen

er we should add one more word to that

to incorporate

the sound aspect because we’re already

covering two rules

what if you don’t add one more word what

if you just call it ice torture

so you have to yell it or yeah

it’s all caps can it be called ice

scream torture

oh that is also very good there we go

okay

all caps ice scream

torture torture okay wow

thank you so much so finally

we can knock that off of the line no

because

you won’t believe how many calls we’ve

had from the mayor

from the mayor’s commission from the

mayor’s several

subcommittees on this they’ve been on us

about this

oh and we keep telling them we are a

medical education podcast

this is not what we do but

doesn’t seem to make a difference at all

tell that to the mayor you know

yep in any case uh pylox the elder

i feel like you know maybe it’s about

time to wrap things up we’ve heard a lot

of wisdom from you

or at least we’ve learned about your

culture which i think

learning about other cultures is you

know a form of wisdom

in general it’s always good to have

empathy understand what another person

or culture

you know feels and understands so um

anyway if i don’t know if pilak’s the

elder if what if

any of our listeners want to keep up

with you in new jersey shore

you know find out what you know what’s

been going on with you

or anything you’re interested in right

if you arrange your runes in such a way

that it reads oozebear.com

uh it is an online platform i’ve been

told

i’ve been told by the youngers some of

these things but it’s an online platform

for improv and we have jams every monday

and saturday

and i would give you the specific time

of the day but you may be using a

different

star chart calendar than i do right

could you could you spell that out for

us

it’s o-o-z-e-b-e-a-r

dot com and uh in runes

it’s squiggly line mushroom

falcon star and then of course bear

all right well thank you so much to

pyloxy elder to our listeners you should

go

check out that uh that website

um i i’m not sure that pylex the elder

properly understands

what that is i’m lost anyway thank you

to alex the elder

thank you to um our producer cameron

thank you to

did you DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

yes village elder by trade

it was born pilax the younger and then i

became an elder

after quite some time in study

it’s called the elder order

[Music]

i am pilots the elder yes

village elder by trade

village elder by trade i am pilots the

elder i am pilots the elder

yes uh my name is dr londonsmith.com

and this has been the jock doc podcast

see ya

you spit the excess blood and the loose

tooth from your mouth

so this is how it’s gonna be you crack

your knuckles

then pop your neck first in one

direction then the other

you try to stay light on your feet as

you back up fists

raise in front of your face absolutely

unwilling to be caught off guard this

time

you run forward first a little slow then

sprinting

but just as you pull back a fist to

strike a blow

you feel the excruciating pain of the

tree branch hitting you once again

dazed on the ground you look up at the

low hanging branch with envy

it must have heard about the mass

deforestation taking place throughout

the world

but somehow this tree was not at all

intimidated by

the prospect of a fight with a human

you decide not to pick any more fights

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