hey kids you are about to listen to a

comedy podcast

that means that none of this is medical

advice

if you need medical advice or medical

care please contact your doctor

welcome to the jock doc podcast

featuring dr

london smith do not try to prevent

anyone from listening to this podcast

don’t be a jock blocker introducing

your host dr london smith

hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast

where we discuss fitness and health and

how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring

i’m your host dr. londonsmith.com

i would like to begin by apologizing to

our listeners

we’ve received some feedback about the

excessive amount of technical medical

terms that i’ve been using

such as epicanthal folds and

public displays of affection so i will

try to

temper my terminology to a simpler one

in the future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron

hey dr london what’s up man

hey did you good we all good podcast

going good

yeah well we’re doing it right now i

don’t know if you’ve yep

yeah i’m in it yeah i’m up sorry i’m uh

um you can probably see in the in the

background you know as everyone knows

we’re still social distancing so we’re

not recording in the studio right now

where we’re all recording it from home

and

and you know doing the whole zoom thing

but i i’ve been having to take care of

my my cousin trancy

and she is awesome she’s great but she

can be a

little bit of a handful especially you

know but i’m letting her

you know be her and you know just

letting her

kind of like

it and

if and she’s just uh sort of

um is everything okay you know she’s

just

um uh exploring

and discovering things

i can see on the video feed is she

because

she’s expressing herself in a lot of

ways

and i don’t want to want to take that

that way i’ll just

close the door while we do while we do

the record

so that way um you know she can

she can now have a bunch of fun and play

her games and everything in the in the

other room

is everything all right i know you oh

everything is

perfect and everything is awesome and i

am an

excellent babysitter ex i’m the best

babysitter and you know i

am i am trying to prove that to my

cousin’s parents

why are you trying to prove that well i

boasted about it a lot honestly i wasn’t

even supposed to be babysitting but i

kind of

when i was around them at the last like

uh family reunion

i kept talking about how like i am

awesome at babysitting i’m the best

babysitter i’m the coolest

no one can babysit like me um and i’ve

but i had never tried

it before okay i was just i was just

talking big

i was just it made me feel you know

proud

um people people tend to talk that way

about say like their intelligence or

something but for you

oh so you think i’m i’m not the best

baby sitter in the world

i i just don’t understand why you would

want that to be your

your sort of claim to fame i just

thought it just

at the time you know it made me feel

cool

and there was also another cousin who

was a really good babysitter who

i’m kind of jealous of oh so

i’m trying to so you’re competing sort

of

yeah okay well what’s what’s the other

babysitter’s name

the i honestly i haven’t asked okay it’s

just like word around town

yeah i’ve heard from other cousins i’m

not trying to compete really with

anything

it was just i heard from some cousins

that we have a cousin

who is a crazy good babysitter

and it made me jealous and so i sort of

loudly

yeah kind of going around at everywhere

and sort of being like

oh you know it’s uh it’s 10 p.m if uh i

was babysitting right now the kids would

already be asleep

because that would be the responsible

thing to do as a babysitter so you were

going door-to-door

knocking on the door no no no this is at

this is at the family

reunion with all the cousins that’s a

little better

and so your icebreaker was to say

no i it wasn’t really an icebreaker it

was more like i was just

saying it to myself just talking loudly

in a way

sort of where people feel obligated to

listen even if they don’t want to

yeah and to make that the topic even if

that would obviously not be

the topic for everyone well there’s no

topic i’m talking to myself

i’m standing next to the hors d’oeuvres

and i’m saying

oh man uh you know all this food’s great

but i would never

let the kids eat this i’d of course

stick to you know something

you know just healthy and and whatever

the parents want it right

uh also with us is DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

hello hello

[Music]

hello

hello

but i i’ve been having to take care of

my my cousin

and she is awesome she can be a little

bit of a handle

especially you know but i’m letting her

you know be

her and you know just let her kind of

like she’s expressing herself

[Music]

[Music]

hello

[Music]

ah that’s a nice one dylan

and later cameron tells me that we can

expect a special guest

wow an inventor that’s right dr london

wow so go ahead and look forward to that

uh but before we move on

i would like to address a bit of

listener feedback

so someone covered my yard with toilet

paper

and this was written on some of it

the note reads quote

hey internet papa clyde died in this

chair but lots of use left

and very comfy god bless end quote

so okay first of all i’d like to thank

you for reaching out to the jock doc

podcast

um so it sounds like

this is someone trying to sell a chair

and to me

um one of our listeners so i’m

you you may want to at least give a deep

cleaning to any furniture that

someone died whilst occupying um

especially if the death was you know

recent

yeah i mean like lint roll it probably

febreze it down a bit

um i mean i think that’s probably all

you got to do

well if someone if someone died on it

then

yeah yeah you want to febreze it get

some of that stink off but then after

that i mean

i guess it depends on what they died of

if they died

of smallpox then you’re going to want to

febreze it a little more to get that

smallpox smell out of it

and then you’re good well i i feel like

that

you know if they died from something

yeah contagious then you would want to

re ideally you just get a new chair

but you know sometimes oh sorry i didn’t

know

can i just get that from the tree out

back

okay i didn’t see any chairs up there

but yeah i mean let me just go

get a free chair let me just go do that

yeah i and i i know that you know budget

people have different budgets people

have different incomes

but what i’m saying and some people have

to live with dead person chairs

i guess what i’m saying is it can be

some people might

want to live with dead person chairs so

if that’s the case you probably don’t

want to use the fabrics because you

probably are

want the stank there right

if you’re that kind of guy see to me

so if you’re that kind of guy i would

say just don’t do anything just keep it

as it is

and um you know maybe keep it in a

like a room that’s solidly room

temperature

um so so that way it’s comfortable

to sit in yeah well

i guess okay so to me room

whenever you try to treat the thing is

if you catch

a disease from this couch then

the cost of treating that disease may

outweigh the cost of getting a new chair

do you see oh well let me just go out to

the trio back then i guess that

sounds good to me yeah let me just uh

let me just

get a ladder so i can get oh i don’t

have a ladder either but that’s okay let

me just go to the

go to the ladder tree i’ll get one of

those and then from there i can go to

the chair tree and go to the couch tree

and go to the tv

tree and get all my stuff for free

because i’m dr london

okay okay well we can we can go ahead

and move on from there

[Music]

now for today’s medical topic

histiocytosis

x histiocytosis x is a chronic

interstitial pneumonia

caused by an abnormal proliferation of

histiocytes

and so histiocytes are a term

for tissue resident macrophages

and macrophages of course are part of

the immune system

so yeah so 90 of patients with

histiocytosis

x are cigarette smokers um and so

when i say histocytosis x it is a a

group

of um disease variants so you’re gonna

have

i gotta bring i gotta bring up something

here that i’ve been noticing over the

last few months of these

um i don’t know tests

these are like tests you’re giving

people right this is like school

or something this segment of the podcast

so over the course of a few months of

listening to these tests that you’ve

been giving

you came to br you keep bringing up how

pretty much everything is caused by

smoking it’s all smoking this please

stop smoking that

smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke it really

seems like you’re

biased against smokers and it kind of

makes me wonder

like what’s the issue and then i start

thinking

back to when you and i first started

hanging out

and there was a guy that kind of swooped

in

stole your girl wore a leather jacket

wore a motorcycle what else did you do

yeah what else did he do okay

what else did he do dr london he smoked

safe he smoked cigarettes

okay well he he did have the leather

jacket but he

and he he just called himself captain v

but like that’s that’s not the reason

and like he wore a captain’s hat

yeah yeah and uh specifically the helmet

and that’s how he died

yeah yeah which and i and once again

i i had nothing to do with that um

it’s just okay so i i need to separate

this real quick

so a lot of these lung diseases are

caused or exacerbated by cigarette

smoking

that’s a separate thing i don’t know it

just seems like

this is this is all very pointed

you can’t tell me that everything wrong

with the lungs

points back to smoking something that

cool can’t be that bad

okay well yes so it’s

okay yet to clarify not everything bad

in the lungs is caused by smoking

that is true what we’re discussing right

now isn’t

you know it doesn’t always happen with

smoking

but smoking tends to worsen

problems in the lungs or create problems

in the lungs

and this is on your test uh yeah

sometimes

depend like not kind of that simply but

yeah

okay go ahead continue with your test

then okay and sorry

and this isn’t a test this is a lesson

we’re teaching

for those who will take tests on the

same topic does that make sense

i don’t know i’ve i haven’t turned into

anything i’m going to be honest the

entire semester i haven’t turned into

anything

okay well i’m really sorry but we can

talk about that later i don’t want to

that’s embarrassing i don’t want to talk

about that in the show

okay uh and i don’t okay variants of

this disease

include eosinophilic granuloma localized

to the bone or lung

and two systemic forms called letterer

suede disease

and handshiller christian syndrome

common findings with

these diseases include shortness of

breath and

nonproductive cough other possible

manifestations are spontaneous

pneumothorax

lytic bone lesions and diabetes

insipidus

on chest x-ray histiocytosis you know

this makes me think of is the time when

you’re talking about having like a

really bad cough when

uh you were trying to be cool in front

of uh

all the cool kids and you were trying to

drink like a soda in a really cool way

and then what happens you go you go well

first you say

watch this you get everyone’s attention

so

right then and there it’s instantly

uncool you can’t say watch this you’re

supposed to do it effortlessly

but i’ve seen it before i’d seen it done

so i knew it could be done

and then you threw the

coke bottle up in the air uh-huh you’re

trying to catch it in your mouth and

drink it that way

what’d you do okay well tooth

which was the more alarming i guess both

were alarming and then who

right then in that moment wrote in on

his motorcycle

and said check out this guy

and got everyone laughing who said that

that was captain v

that was captain v this is your whole

career

is based on this guy dr london no it’s

like that my whole like that

your whole career your whole dream

in life is to prevent other captain vs

from popping up

that’s the whole point of all of this

this is insane

look and no no disrespect man and

you know rest in peace captain v yes uh

it’s it’s tragic what happened to on

chest x-ray histocytosis

x has a honeycomb appearance in the

lungs and ct scan shows

cystic lesions um you know with

with these uh prognosis and course are

highly variable

and you know in the end lung

transplantation may be necessary

and captain v yeah we have our history

but

like i think in the end

we respected each other in our ways

didn’t he i mean he died because he was

not wearing a helmet he was only wearing

a captain’s hat

but yeah didn’t he also die from being

denied a lung transplant

dr london he well okay no no no

okay well for one thing when you say

only the hat that’s right he wasn’t at

on that specific time he wasn’t wearing

any clothes besides the hat

and so yeah i mean he was like

incredibly intoxicated

yeah he was tripping out of his mind

so to if you’re gonna put any of the

blame anywhere it’s

he was being very unsafe and he was so

like his head was one of the parts

bleeding but like

most of him had you know

been been cut up and everything whenever

he had his accident

and look i don’t want to dwell on this

so much

captain v may he rest in peace

i i feel like that’s that’s saying

plenty i’m sure he is

he died doing what he loves which is

riding a motorcycle naked except for a

captain’s hat

and being really intoxicated

yeah all right well yeah yeah let’s go

ahead and move on from there then

yeah yeah we can go ahead and just and

get started on

um let’s get started on the next

session yes sorry the door opened again

uh i gotta let me

oh well okay it’s not shutting all the

way because a lot

there’s a lot of uh there’s a lot of

you know two by fours and what not

everywhere

but that’s fine you know she uh looks

like trancy is getting some projects

going with some of her friends

and they’re just expressing themselves

and looks like they’re they’re having a

lot of fun here

that’s something it looks like they’re

filling the fish tank

with cement that

all those fish are gonna be dead very

quickly and that is oh that’s okay

it doesn’t sound okay well you know the

project is still

it’s clearly in its early stages so it’s

hard to

hard to picture what it’s gonna end up

being

okay yeah well let’s you know if it’s

all right we’ll go ahead and move on

from there and then hopefully

was that a cow that was a cow

right because trancy has been saying

that that’s not a

cow that’s a classmate but i i mean that

she moved right

are you talking about i transie’s friend

she says this is my friend she’s a

classmate and i’m saying i think that’s

a cow

it’s like a wig and some makeup you put

on her

oh gosh trancy

trancy okay okay okay really

[Music]

okay

[Music]

just going to go ahead and just close

close the door probably i’m just gonna

close

i’m just gonna close the door like it’s

nothing against trancy but

all right i’m just gonna that does

compromise the quality

yeah we can just close the door and then

she’ll she’ll she’s very spirited she

loves expressing herself you know she’s

she’s named trancy because her parents

are really into

uh trans music they really love dj sammy

the guy who did

the um heaven cover of the brian adams

song

in like 2004 uh-huh

yeah i don’t think we really need to get

into trancy’s name origins

uh but yeah great that great that

she’s in your life and that your baby’s

sitting and that you’re showing you’re

you’re proving yourself

yeah and that i am the worst i am the

world’s best

babysitter yeah while you’re while your

fish tank

gets filled up with cement and that’s

what i wanted

that’s what i wanted okay it’s better

that way i didn’t think that i wanted

that before she did that

but it’s better that way okay

it’s heavier that way at the very least

it’s heavier that way

you can’t deny that no that’s that’s one

thing that i don’t

i don’t know that i could deny it does

sound like it’d be it’d be heavier

but uh so we can and i don’t want to

rush

things but i feel like we can move on

from

talking about trancey is that sure okay

yeah that’s fine that’s fine

okay you know

[Music]

all right uh cameron you said that we

have a guest today is that right

that’s right dr london we have i think

one of the best guests that any podcast

could possibly ever get

okay i think i think if you were to make

a short list

it would be like paulie shore

it would be like um you know

fisher stevens so what about would be

this guy

because i thought maybe getting you know

more sort of popular medical people on

like dr oz is a famous doctor

i don’t know if you’re aware doctor

that’s

i mean that’s like a movie from i mean

80 years ago

no sorry i love i mean i love that movie

though

not the wizard of oz i remember every

halloween being like oh

uh mom can we watch dr oz and she would

put it on

and we would sit down and watch it

and he’d be like these are the top 10

ways to lose weight

yeah so um anyway so this guest

uh oh yeah he’s amazing

okay yeah uh hello there oh hey

hey how’s it going uh yeah my name’s uh

my name is randy uh that’s randy grundy

oh hi hi hi randy is it all right if we

call you right hey

that’s that’s my name after all it’s

what my parents decided to uh

name me after i was done with the whole

uh berthen

thing yeah i mean is there anything that

you’d rather be called

because we can call you whatever you

want i mean

i mean i don’t know i’ve gotten pretty

attached to the whole randy thing you

can

randy’s fine randy will do okay

um and well so my name is dr

londonsmith.com and this is

our producer cameron hey hey hey

hey hey oh nice to meet both of you

yeah all right so so randy what uh what

brings you on the show

all right so here’s the thing i am a

wonderful inventor

i have made some excellent products over

the years um

the disinfectant for chairs that like

when people die in it you can pour this

over it and like it’s okay to sit in

yeah that was me i invented that febreze

is that what you’re referring to

well it’s like febreze but it’s like

medical grade febreze i work in medical

a lot with my inventions

oh wow you work in medical

that’s what it says on my business card

okay yeah thank you uh randy grundy he’s

medical

yeah yeah you’ve got a lot of a lot

scribbled on here actually

now randy i get a lot of information i

want to i want to hear

about i guess i’ve never really i

haven’t met a ton of

inventors other than myself really

where do you get your inspirations from

all right so here’s what i do and i do

this every single night

i have a ritual for my inventions i get

home around eight o’clock or so after

i’m done you know

hanging out with the guys shooting a few

rounds of pool

yeah you know how it is drinking some dr

peppers in the back alley

i get home and i call my mother and we

have a nice conversation maybe 15

20 minutes or so i hang up i go to bed

i bring a pen i bring some paper and

when i wake up at four in the morning i

write down the first thing that comes to

my mind

it’s like most of the time it’s garbage

but sometimes

magic happens like the disinfectant for

dead people chairs

yeah i feel like if i wrote what i

thought of whenever

i woke up in the middle of the night i

would i would write down something like

sleepy or very tired

oh that’s 90 of the papers that i’ve got

man

it’s just zzzz yeah but sometimes i try

to think of different ways to write the

z’s and maybe that’ll work but they just

wind up looking like that thing in grade

school that everybody wrote the

weird-looking ass

oh yeah the like stucy s or whatever

i never met that guy i don’t know he

didn’t he didn’t go to middle school

i want to know so we were talking about

your inventions how many inventions have

you

invented now how many have i invented or

how many successfully made it onto the

market that’s a very important

distinction

ooh i would love to know both okay so i

have invented

over 3072 different

things wow that is amazing

yes and how many of those have made it

made it to market the disinfectant for

the

chairs that people died in wow

okay i mean that’s incredible so that

that must be the best

is that is that the best of the best or

are there some that

you haven’t you haven’t that you’re like

really rooting for that haven’t made it

to market yet

well i’ve got a couple of things in mind

and one of them i’m actually pitching to

you

dr londonsmith.com today

oh hell yeah dr london i’ve been talking

about getting into products

and inventions for so long yeah you’ve

been i keep pitching stuff to this guy

and he just shoots it down i

i i’m all for this oh you can’t do that

you got to have an open mind when people

pitch things to you otherwise you’re

just going to be a really bad batter

you gotta swing at some of those pitches

i and that’s what i’m saying and he says

like i don’t have a glove i don’t have a

bat

like i’m just like trying to get ready

in the morning as i’m you know

throwing these ideas at him you know in

the form of a

a physical written on a basis i mean

it’s written on a baseball

and he he doesn’t do anything with them

i don’t even think he reads them after

they

you know hit his face well i pass out at

that point

uh anyway so randy could you tell us

some

yeah some of these some of these

inventions you’ve come up with all right

so some of the ones that i’ve come up

with in the past that i’m really sad

never made it to market i made this

uh ladder that you can climb on when you

want to get into a tree

but it’s only for trees wow

it’s a tree specific ladder what happens

if you try to use it on something that’s

not a tree oh it falls apart immediately

so wow so it and just to clarify a tree

isn’t using it to climb

oh no no it’s not a it’s not a ladder

for trees it’s a ladder

for trees for use on a tree

yeah okay okay did you really struggle

with that dr london i

i feel like that is a very stupid

question

yes you’ve pitched enough inventions to

me

that i i do have to really be specific

because

you know sometimes you’ve really well

anyway

we definitely we have to be unanimous

about this but i’m saying i’m all in

i say let’s let’s let’s go for it dr

london what do you think okay so

a lot of times someone will invent

something because

there’s an item that they want that

doesn’t exist

and they want to and that they they see

a demand for it

and they they fill that demand but a

ladder that is specific for use on trees

how does how is that better than one

that is general use that can also be

used on trees

look here’s the thing dr londonsmith.com

let me tell you about this and why it

works so incredibly well

let’s say that you’re getting a kitchen

together all right

all right and you gotta hire some cooks

okay you’re gonna want you’re gonna want

a dude who’s really good at bread you’re

gonna want a dude who’s really good at

soup you’re gonna want the guy that can

get those little

stains off of the dishes you know yes

you can’t just have

you want a salt you gotta have a salt

guy and it can’t be the same as the

pepper guy don’t be

cheap no but what i’m saying is

a kitchen is better when you have people

assigned to specific roles i feel that

ladders are just like

cooks so you’re wanting to maybe break

out to ladders for

all sorts of different reasons so you

start with a tree ladder maybe you have

a roof ladder

maybe you have like uh your painting

indoors ladder is that is that where

you’re kind of where you’re getting at

oh a whole line of them yeah wow that’s

incredible

so instead of just one stupid ladder

that could break at any time

you’ve got ladders that will only break

if they’re used for the wrong thing

exactly and can you imagine how

beautiful it’s going to look in your

garage

when you have six ladders right next to

each other all with their own specific

use

i mean this is this is incredible doctor

i’m giving the thumbs up dr london

thumbs up thumbs down

what do you vote okay so so one of those

things come on man what is it the

analogy you gave

with the cooks um yeah

so you’d like for a cook to be able to

function

as a you know a bread guy as whatever

like if one of them stops working for

whatever reason

if they’re fired if they move on to

another job you’d like

the other cook to be able to sub in

potentially

and so no oh man you’ve never you’ve

never been in a kitchen dr london

are you you’re saying that you’re gonna

have the soup guy working with

the bread guy i mean dr londub is this

guy serious

you think the salt guy is gonna be

handling paprika

i no way so what i’m saying is

you’d like if you think the honey guy

and the graham cracker guy are the same

guy

no there are two different guys who are

brought out every once in a while

okay so so i guess the issue i’m seeing

is that

once again if you’re if your cook falls

apart

just crumbles whenever they’re assigned

a new task

then i see an issue so anyway so with

the latter thing i think we might have

to move on to the next thing because

i would like to all right he’s not i’m

really sorry randy dr london here is not

it doesn’t seem to be going for it what

what else you got well you know what the

latter thing’s been rejected by plenty

of other people i don’t take it

personally

the thing that i came here to talk to

you about today all right let me let me

set this up for you

all right so this is a build-up all

right so imagine this

you’re at home okay i’m at home like you

said

okay i’m in a rat home and there are all

these rats

around that’s your situation sure you’re

in your rat home

so you’re woken up by the sound of the

rats and the rats are so loud because

you’re so hungover and

you go to your rat bathroom right

and you open up your medicine cabinet

and you see the tylenol and you’re like

ah

okay but i don’t know if i want to do

too much of the tylenol

so you grab your pill splitter and you

split your tylenol in half

you following me so far yeah so these

are my rat portions am i a rat or is

this just a normal

am i the size of her okay so is am i

just in an apartment that

or a home or that just has a bunch of

rats is this i feel like

size down to rat size and then i’m

splitting it further or am i

splitting a giant pill for this is

exactly what i’m wondering

i feel like the forest may have gotten

lost for a couple of trees here

i feel like some salt chefs are taking

over the roles of bread chefs but uh

well i think this is actually a great

opportunity then to use the ladder that

works on trees

because then we can climb up high on the

tree and then we can look over the

forest and get in and

see our way home see this guy gets it

well yeah but then

at that point you’ve you kind of left

the rat’s

house all together they’re at home

okay so oh yeah that’s true yeah anyway

so okay

like you said you get your pill splitter

you split your tylenol your

yeah just just scale everything down

okay just assume that scale it all down

so you split your pill and then you

think you get your pill chef to split

to split your pills in half if you’re

fancy and rich sure

so you got your split pill and then

you’re thinking you know what this is a

wicked hangover i gotta

i gotta do the whole thing but now you

have two halves of a pill

what do you do you wanna take the whole

thing but you’ve only got two halves

why did i do that right yeah what would

i

how where where did i lose

my hat my hole

okay so i have the two pills i want to

get the two halves

yeah sorry the two halves of one pill

yeah would i go

am i white my wife is a like as a rat

okay you know what cameron does have to

have this kind of thing all

sorted before we can move on usually of

course of course

what’s cameron’s rat family situation

i just needed to know my wife i can

figure out the rest from there oh sure

no problem so uh

your wife is gonna be for the sake of

example

i’m gonna say human but rat sized

okay so perfect okay i’m the name that

came to me was henrietta i don’t know if

that’s

helpful i was just gonna say like rat

queen

yeah well is she is she a queen well

cameron

uh yeah well you’ve got some connections

in the rack community i’m uh i’m real

impressed with you maybe we can

trade some contact info later on yeah

this sounds great how long have you been

together

you and rat queen um yeah randy how long

have we been together oh i’m gonna say

maybe

uh two and a half years it still feels a

little fresh but you know it’s

the cracks are starting to show so to

speak that’s why you went out late to

the rat bar and you had all those rat

drinks

okay oh that’s why i got wasted and

that’s why we are in okay predicament

with absolutely one pill that you want

to take okay

so what do we do randy what what do we

do what you do

you put the pills back together with my

invention the pill

put together okay whoa

is that is it like a like some type of

paste or

it’s a it’s a very very thin layer of

non-toxic

glue you put it in the little machine

you press the button it makes a

little whoop sound and the next thing

you know you got the pill again

oh okay so it’s not like you’re just

gluing them together you put you have a

machine that does all this work for you

oh yeah i’m not just gonna sell glue

okay who am i elma okay that is what it

sounded like at first

and it looks like i can see your product

table over there and it does look like

just a sheet

over a bottle of glue as far as i can

tell

can we see the machine oh of course let

me uh remove the sheet here

and as you can see it’s in the shape of

a bottle of glue

but that’s just to throw you off oh okay

and

so whenever i guess

my next question would be or i guess one

of my questions would be

when you’re trying to sell this do you

have

a lot of i guess rat

creatures that that are looking to buy

this

because that i i can see how you might

might have a market in humans but i i

don’t even think i’ve seen a

a rat take a tylenol before have you

ever this is a good point by dr london i

i think the focus on rats

um might be hurting your product i think

maybe you need to think of a new um

marx species yeah a new species to focus

yeah

all that i’m gonna say is if you’ve ever

spent a morning with a hungover rat

you understand how important this

product is

yeah yeah i mean i guess that’s true i

haven’t done that so

i i don’t want to judge someone else’s

experience okay

i’m on board i say let’s go for it dr

london i’m giving the thumbs up okay

well once again

if it if this is asking for our money

our funding

then i would say no because once again i

don’t see the market

oh no it’s fine it’s fine i’m not

looking for money here what i’m looking

for is endorsement

okay okay well i i don’t

i i’m giving the thumbs up dr london

let’s get your approval let’s let’s get

that endorsement come on

i would actually i’d like to cut an ad

with you

promoting the pill put together if at

all possible

if you give it the thumbs up okay well i

for one thing i

you know i’ve i’ve said that i’m i kind

of i’m kind of

all specialties of doctor but one thing

i’m not is a veterinarian i’m not a rat

doctor

so um yeah we got to solve the rat thing

first so

i don’t know if there’s a way to like

i don’t want to be too presumptive but

is there

a rat based medical podcast that you

might

be a better to appeal to instead

that’s that’s my thinking if you want

the endorsement of someone who will

move product for you well i went to i

went to the

rat doc podcast and uh they they said no

if i can be honest with you i’m an

honest guy you can always trust randy

grundy

that’s what i always say so okay

and what were their reasons for not

endorsing it because for them

all of these giant problems seemed like

they’d be gone

in a sense because they’re not because

to us

we are giants in comparison

yeah they just they didn’t think there

was really a market for it they weren’t

sure if too many rats were going to use

it and i was like have you ever spent

the morning with a hungover rat and they

just

they didn’t follow that line as a as

well as you two did well they’re rats

they’re stupid i mean they’re not

they’re hey now that is a nice cameron

that was really mean

i don’t i

any creature stupid is kind of mean

i don’t think you can prove that i don’t

okay

oh okay you’re gonna okay well i did you

dylan can we

nope no okay all right

um okay well do you have any other

inventions randy anything that you’ve

been trying to

like anything maybe less rat specific uh

less rat specific so it’s it is that

going to be a no from you

for this one i think i’m going to have

to give i don’t want to give a thumbs

down

i think pretty neutral because

you know i it’s just not my field

so okay this is interesting so instead

of

being dr london approved can maybe on

the packaging it says

dr london is neutral on this and it’s

kind of a picture of him with his arms

crossed

not not frowning or pouting but but just

not smiling either just kind of just

looking straight ahead maybe it rains

maybe it’s a picture of him looking at

his phone you see i like that because

it’s not a negative review

it’s not a positive review but it’s

still endorsed it’s acknowledging that

it exists

dr london is saying hey i i have seen

this

and i know that it’s there if we

specifically put

this exists and that’s

all then that sounds that sounds

reasonable to me

okay so all right so we’ve agreed on dr

london’s

neutral endorsement of the problem oh

great so maybe uh maybe we could still

cut that ad then it just has a much more

neutral approach than it did uh in my

mind

perfect yeah i mean let’s do it

great great i actually i brought a

recorder with me right now if you just

kind of want to

maybe do a quick little rough cut of

this

okay okay yeah i i think this would be

oh fantastic

great great okay for this okay okay okay

all right yep yep sit down get

comfortable there we go there we go

okay yep rat kingdom

i’m just gonna do a little bit of a

quick intro here and then it’s

all you dr londonsmith.com are you ready

okay

all right hi it’s randy grundy here for

the pill put together your favorite rat

tylenol hungover solution

here to tell you all about it is dr

londonsmith.com

this product exists yes

and that’s a wrap fantastic thank you

thank you so much

so we’ll get a check that’s a rat

yeah that’s a rat

that’s a wreck that’s a rat

that’s good actually that’s a good

that’s a good slogan

i don’t wanna that’s a rat i don’t wanna

hand it to you or anything but

yeah dj dylan can you play back dr

london saying that’s a rat and you can

use that sound clip in your ads too

that’s a rat oh that’s good

that’s good i can use that in all of my

products it won’t make any sense but

i’ve got

drlundensmith.com backing me on this as

long as you i mean

pay us in your three you have 3 000 plus

inventions i mean surely some other ones

are rap-based right

to be fair i said i had 3072 inventions

3 000 of them are rat bass

then yeah you could use that audio for i

would say

it sounds like most of your inventions

the other 72 were ladders

yeah we’ve got dr london saying nothing

on ladders

yeah refusing to talk about it that’s a

shame you really got to get under the

ground level of this one

no i don’t i don’t think i do have you

tried pitching the latter idea to

anyone else yeah the rats didn’t like it

okay so it’s so the only the only two

you’ve gone to have been like a rat

uh people a rat kingdom of some kind and

us

that is accurate yes

okay i j just curious um

okay so any other any other

products that you’re any other

inventions that you’ve been trying to

kind of get out there or

all right so picture this

you’re sitting there and you’re in your

home

but you’re a bird okay

and like okay you wanna groom your

feathers but

even though your head can rotate all the

way back you just can’t reach

those feathers in the middle of your

back

so what you do is you mount this little

thing that i have this little strip of

sandpaper that is in the shape of

a tree to make you feel even more at

home and you just rub your little back

feathers on it and

you’re good do you have do you have this

invention to show us

i do actually i keep three of them with

me at all times in case of emergency one

for me one for whoever i’m talking to

and one for promotion

perfect yeah let me let me see that

thing yeah here you go if you just you

can just stick it maybe uh right there

under that little

poster of like the lungs yeah well i i

know what’s

meant for a bird and so it’s very small

but i just wanted to try it on my back

dr london can you can you scratch my

back with that yeah

boy well it’s okay so here’s

here’s the issue i’m seeing with it this

is meant for birds

specifically well it’s me it’s designed

with birds in mind

because which is the smoking on it but

so it is

sand paper so normally i would think to

get

past the feathers on a bird it would

have to be like

you’d have to have bristles or something

you know like a brush

but this seems like it would just the

sandpaper would just

smooth right on over the feathers oh i

guess i didn’t realize that dr london

was like a bird expert all of a sudden

yeah i didn’t realize that you had your

doctorate in birdology as well

okay yeah this guy just uh knows

everything about birds all of a sudden

he’s just decided oh he’s from

bird county florida you know two out of

five birds

from the bird zone two out of five birds

loved it

that’s all i’m saying okay i i guess i

can’t speak for

for them or whatever or in a thought all

right well i’m saying

we’re gonna buy it um and dr london is

going to endorse it it is just sandpaper

then

declare when i cut it out in the shape

of a tree come on

yeah but he cut it for you well i kind

of mcdonald it’s just a hamburger you

can buy a hamburger at the grocery store

but someone’s preparing it for you

that’s what you’re paying for you’re

paying for the service

it’s that special grundy touch

okay so really what you’re selling is

the randy grundy brand

the randy grundy experience if you will

yeah

so let’s let’s record an ad for this one

too oh yeah yeah sounds good sounds good

okay i’ve got the recorder

okay i guess i can do another this

exists but i mean yeah dr london you

have a few seconds here to make up your

mind on what you’re gonna say you get to

choose okay

but uh yeah randy go ahead start your

recording all right and here we go

hi this is randy grundy for the

feathered scratcher

2000 and here to tell you all about it

is my goodgoodbuddydoctorlondonsmith.com

this is literally just sandpaper

and that’s a rat that is a rat that’s a

wrap perfect

london can we get you saying like that’s

a bird

that’s a bird i don’t know if that

really works as well

oh and you know what we might get sued

by the portlandia people yeah

put a well can’t say it can’t put that

on it

put that on excuse me yeah just say yeah

let’s let’s

hear you saying put that on it

put that and we’ll just use that okay

okay oh wait wait i’m sorry can i can i

get that clean

get a clearer one yeah put that on it

perfect and actually that seems

too valuable actually now that i think

about it

um so that one we are going to charge

extra for that

sound bite that last one because that

had a tune

to it i what if i gave you a royalty cut

for my next three inventions oh i don’t

expect much from souls

i i i hear sold sold

whatever you want i’m giving you a blank

check no

dude dj dj ellen can you play though i’m

giving you a blank check

sound effect no no not that one oh i

think that’s legally binding

oh it is that’s why we have it well they

the amount of legal fees we had to go

through to get that

to be legally binding oh

okay well it’s special i don’t i don’t

want to interrupt here but

are we going to have to i mean we’re

going to have to get to the chore wheel

i know i was at a certain point i was

about to say the same thing there is a

chore wheel situation

and randy grundy i don’t

i don’t want to have to like involve you

in this

no no no randy needs to be involved yeah

i like to be in the loop okay

so okay so over the past you know we’ve

been we’ve been doing this podcast for

over a year

and during that time you know we’ve kind

of put off these chores

uh they’re they’re just little tasks

some of them are you know community

service oriented

or uh just you know errands we need to

run

and so we’ve we’ve put together all of

these

tasks each agenda onto a wheel that we

spin every week

and so now it’s it’s simple it’s easy we

just spin it

and then each of us contributes a part

to it and then we and then

it’s done for for for that week so

yeah and dr lynn do you want to go ahead

and spin it i’ve been spinning it so

much

i think you you’ve earned it yeah yeah i

can i can do that

[Music]

okay and it says death

row meals so

okay we we do have to yeah this one

we’ve got to get this information to our

lawyers for our will

yeah if we ever if the way we’re going

to die is from being on

death row it has to we have to get this

appropriate now yeah

because it takes a long time for it to

get through the process you have to file

it now

because the bureaucracy will you know

so before the podcast we went ahead and

we wrote down

what our final meals would be if we were

on death row and i thought to make this

fun

because you know chores can be fun too

we’re gonna all just

stick our hand in the hat we’re gonna

read whatever we pull out

we’re gonna read whatever final meal is

on the piece of paper and then at the

end

we can uh we can guess whose is whose

does that sound all right randy uh yeah

yeah that sounds excellent i’m i’m ready

yeah and it makes sense too and it’s

easy to understand because each of us

has already

written in one of these randy you wrote

one obviously i wrote one

of course cameron did we had a few

people on the street

that we met write some as well i don’t

expect us to get one of those but who

knows

so all right let’s each draw okay dr

london do you want to go first

yeah okay so for final meal on death row

and this is you know obviously just

eventuality protection thing

okay all right so it says

um one of those big cakes that a person

can fit into

and inside is a person

and whenever it comes time for the meal

to come to them

then they open the lid and hand you a

key to ace

to escape okay yeah just escape was

kind of spelled weird um and

then in parentheses it says you’ll use

this to

escape the the prison and you’ll you

won’t

be on death row anymore so that i i

whoever is this was

thought that they could just get out of

this with some sort of an invention

randy randy is there any chance that you

wrote this one

oh ah my concern

you don’t you don’t have to reveal you

don’t have to reveal this is personal

okay

okay it’s just it’s a sensitive i don’t

know i think we should i think we should

reveal after each one right okay

no either way either way works randy are

you comfortable talking about this i

know this is a very personal sense oh i

might be confessing to a few things here

and i don’t know why i wrote that down

if i was so worried about it but uh

yeah that was me okay okay i mean

this is just showing i mean can we

endorse that idea dr london can you

endorse how that’s a genius idea

oh real quick real quick all right i hit

the recorder

hi this is randy grundy for the cake

that gets you out of prison

here to tell you more about it is my

friend dr londonsmith.com this

is a key to escape

that’s a rat that’s a rat

okay um let’s see

randy would you like to go next read

whatever

uh sure sure yeah so uh let’s see i’m

looking at the paper here let me get my

uh let me get my readers on

okay it says a totino’s potty pizza

that has been microwaved just long

enough to be soggy and rubbery

and then is coated in hot sauce and

ranch dressing

okay now i’m trying to think which one

of you two

would have that as their final meal

that’s a fair debate

i my my line of thinking here is that

cameron you’ve we’ve talked chefs

we’ve had the chef talk that’s right i

know you know

how food works you wouldn’t do this

that’s right

so my guess it’s gotta be you doctor

londonsmith.com gotta be dr

london’s okay well i mean

i feel like you’re cheating a little bit

because it’s also the meal that i have

spread out in front of me

and yeah it’s kind of my go-to and if i

don’t have it i don’t feel like i’ve

really

finished my day it’s closure

i get that yeah you say we’re cheating

but you’re

you’re the one who chose to eat that

right now we’re the ones who are

supposed to be guessing your

look you talked all about eating a food

and i’m like man this is making me

hungry

what else was i going to do yeah i guess

that’s

no let’s let’s have our final meals talk

oh

oh well you’re bringing out your desire

for a final meal

yes obviously fine you got

a cameron cameron how about you read

yours well i guess we know

already that mine the one i’m going to

read is going to be mine

no it could be any ones it could be any

ones uh remember someone on the street

yeah that’s true let me let me let me

fish in there

all right it says garbage out of the

garbage can

i don’t i mean i don’t i don’t really

remember because we

like we wrote all these down but then we

all you know when we took like those

roofies right after

so i don’t really remember what i had

written down so this could be anyone

we took you took them for all of us you

kept saying this one’s for you

took it this one’s for you then you took

another one i wouldn’t remember i took

three roofies london you could have

split those and put those back together

oh man if only i had done that

in any case uh it’s garbage out of the

garbage can

that does sound like something i would

have wrote but that also sounds like

something that someone off the street

would have written

so you know let’s just call it a wash

it could have been anything could have

been anywhere i mean have we have we

completed this chore have we is this

have we have we

i think so okay great

all right yeah finally get another one

of these done it’s

it’s so bad if you let the chores pile

up so i’m glad we are taking care of

them

all right well if that’s um i feel like

we’ve covered

you know a lot of inventions today randy

grundy

i feel like we’ve covered a lot of what

you had to bring to the table um

you know uh it it seems

it seems like you’ve at least gotten

some constructive criticism

maybe how rat-based your future products

should be or maybe should not well i’ve

got the slogan that’s a rat now so

my future’s cut out for me yeah

that’s alright that’s a rat

so um anyway uh randy do you have

anything

else you’d like how can i listeners you

know hear more from you

or do you have anything else to promote

yeah yeah i did want to talk about this

whenever i’m

whenever i need some advice on how to

communicate

better with the rats what they might be

into

other rat-based things i listen to my

favorite rat-based podcast

dead waves dead waves is an improvised

paranormal podcast

where a psychic a ghost and a demon take

the problems

that their listeners have over the phone

and they try to solve them

okay how is and that’s rat based is that

specifically rat baby art

is all about interpretation dr

londonsmith.com

[Music]

he wouldn’t know a thing about that

trust me he’s the

he’s the the evil villain trying to shut

down the art center in

all movies from like 1987 to 19. oh

that’s the worst

okay but yeah uh they give advice to

their listeners

they make funny jokes and it’s a good

time you should check it out on

uh apple podcasts stitcher

spotify we got they got those

okay yeah just your phone yeah

okay all right well that sounds great so

that’s dead waves radio

uh just dead waves okay yeah

okay just dead waves but it is like

you’d find it the way that you would

find a pipe

think of a podcast and you’re halfway

there that’s a rat

okay okay

uh that yeah that’s it sounds like

that’s a rat so

um thank you to randy grundy for coming

on the podcast

no no thank you all right and thank you

to uh cameron our producer

hey actually we haven’t heard from

transy in a while that’s kind of odd

right

yeah i was thinking so too but i didn’t

want to okay let me just

bring it up here i’m just gonna open the

door here

it’s nothing

it’s just a cold

wind blowing through

should i investigate this or i should

just leave this alone right

i should just shut the door and leave

this alone

yeah i don’t think it’s you know let’s

let’s not mess with that

yeah you know what i i i let her handle

herself on all the other stuff she was

dealing with

i’m just gonna i’m just gonna go ahead

and just shut the door here

all right okay

okay um all right so yeah

as i said thank you to cameron uh thank

you to did you do

the hoes oh you can’t do that you gotta

have an open mind when people pitch

things to you otherwise you’re just

gonna be a really bad batter

you gotta swing in some of those [ __ ]

you gotta swing at some of those [ __ ]

swinging some of those bringing some of

those swinging some of those pitches

swinging some of those

swinging some of those swinging some of

those pitches

[Music]

that’s a rat

that’s a rat

that’s a rat

[Music]

that’s a rat

[Music]

that’s

my name is dr londonsmith.com and this

has been

the jock doc podcast see ya

there’s glass everywhere you lift your

head up

wincing in pain at the various portions

of your face that have been sliced

and even slightly diced by the

transparent shards

you shake your head in reaction to it

for a moment but even that slight motion

invites a tiny breeze that makes every

pin prick that much sharper

heightened still though it was worth it

when you made that fat joke about the

guy who

you know used to be fat but then got

really fit

and and skinny so now it really just

exposed you for the bully that you

were before that rather than finding a

legitimate current punch line

well the only way to recover from that

situation was to say

and now and jump out the window

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maybe in the metaphorical sense since

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is likely deeply scarred at this point

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