Hey kids you’re about to listen to a

comedy podcast

that means that none of this is medical

advice

and if you need medical advice or

medical care

please contact your doctor

welcome to the jock doc podcast

featuring dr london smith

we’ve got a good one for you today folks

introducing your host

dr london smith

[Music]

hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast where we discuss fitness and

health

and how to incorporate our modern

understanding of

of science and medicine into our daily

lives but without it being so

boring i’m your host dr drlonansmith.com

i would like to begin by apologizing to

our listeners

we have received some feedback about the

excessive amount of

technical medical terms that i’ve been

using such as

hypnagogic hallucinations and

hunky dory so i will try to

temper my terminology to a simpler one

in the future

i’m here to help with that and

kind of yeah here thank you uh just

also your help with sort of just

everything that’s been going on is

our producer cameron so cameron is so

dedicated to making sure that

i

do you want to explain to our listeners

yeah i mean are you

yeah you hold on you hold you step back

for a second man you you

you blow your nose into that tissue real

loud and real

let me hear it there we go yeah there it

is

um so for our listeners you’re probably

wondering why there’s maybe a more

somber tone than usual um in this

episode

and um well

unfortunately sometimes

bad things happen in this world things

that uh

are a bit unexpected and things that

maybe aren’t exactly fair

and that’s um that’s exactly what’s

happened here we’ve

we’ve lost one of our three listeners

as you all know the only three people

listen to this show and

unfortunately that number has gone down

to two we’ve lost um

our good friend lanchester fligsby

and i i i mean dr london do you wanna

maybe speak on this a little bit so

lanchester flixby

uh lan as i like to call him yeah

uh and we do know it’s him we actually

kind of know a lot about him because

well i i guess i’m getting hated myself

a little bit uh should i specify

dr london that um you know

you know we didn’t our listener didn’t

pass away i i just

worry that because this is a medical

podcast people might be assuming there’s

some sort of health related

factor to this no he’s just

he’s apparently um discovered

i think he discovered this american life

and so he’s sort of stopped listening to

this one unfortunately yeah it’s it’s

almost as if he thought

that just swapping and i’m not mad i

can’t

i’m not mad great podcast

it’s just i i know

that he i know in my heart of hearts

that he loved

the jock doc podcast that lanchester

loved the jock talk podcast

but something happened

i don’t know and so so anyway we’re um

so this episode is dedicated and i i

hope this isn’t

you know going out of bounds to say it

this episode is dedicated to

to lanchester flexby yep

and just to the memory of him

and uh just and the things that we

we wish we could have told him when we

had the chance and we just took it for

granted

yeah and sorry before we move on you

know just to help us with the process

because we’re all kind of together in

this

also with us is DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

[Music]

unfortunately sometimes bad things

happen in this world

[Music]

[Music]

the jock doc is you know we we have our

intern here with us today

yes returning to the episode shane flagg

so shane here is going to be helping us

pull up as much information

as we can get on our old our old buddy

lancey

and good old lance pants as we called

them

now i will say i don’t want to pull up

anything too malicious on the guy

because

i’ve grown to like him myself because i

actually sent

i i’ve had communication with him myself

i actually uh

i sent him an email one time and i

didn’t get a response but you could just

tell the way

that he kind of let it sit for a while

you know well forever with no response

it was just kind of that like

you know that that that sarcasm you only

get in a true friendship it’s a sort of

uh

it’s a sort of a wink you know even if

you

yeah yeah nothing needs to be said

internet winks are just very apparent

you know to people like me so it’s i i

mean i don’t understand that you guys

are amazing it’s a it’s a language i

don’t understand but um

i mean doctor yeah definitely we’re not

ever

looking for anything malicious on him at

all we’re trying to just win him back

we will do anything we will do whatever

it takes

with this podcast to make sure that

lanchester flixby is one of our

listeners

we’ll change the format i mean we’ll do

anything

shane can you go ahead and uh and boot

up your i don’t know how

all that works boot up your hacker

machine or whatever

yes oh yeah yeah i’ve got my yeah i’ve

got my uh

boxes here ready to go okay

so yeah it sounds like it’s okay yeah

it’s just loading in

real quick to there

push a couple buttons

and all right i think

we are in we’re in

all right we’re good did you find him uh

yeah i i mean i i found some uh i mean i

could really go

any direction at this point so i guess

the question is you know

where what are we looking for yeah what

are you looking for yeah dr london i

mean how do you want to how do you want

to see yeah this uh

i guess just what you know maybe just

pull up

what is he in yeah what’s his latest

search history or what is

what kind of car he’s driving pull up

his okay pull up his bike

yeah i’ll pull up his google search

history it’s it’s

honestly this is baby stuff like anybody

can

google has knows everything so you can

just google search for somebody’s

google searches and and it should pop up

so uh let me just do it so i can just i

can look at like

dr london search history just by

googling dr

london search history i think yeah i

think that’s how it works that’s

you know google’s supposed to have all

the information on the internet so

yeah i mean that counts right so yeah i

would think

yeah that i mean that’s incredible so

what yeah so what are you seeing here

shane uh a lot of um

neopets uh okay okay

okay uh youtube it doesn’t tell me

anything specific

but i can just that’s a lot that’s a lot

that’s a lot can you see what he

what he watched on youtube mostly how to

log in

on neopets okay okay it was mostly okay

it was

neopets related so let’s uh there’s a

lot of anti

tamagotchi type lingo

that i’ve i i can’t be too specific but

yeah i’m seeing a lot

like a violent tamagotchi

well i yeah no i think it’s more of that

he’s a neopets

super fan and so he just doesn’t

you know really any of the other um

but he isn’t a computer specific hate

group

towards tamagotchi no no

it’s he i can see he is in some forums

about neopets

um and they do seem to be a little bit

um extremist possibly but nothing

nothing to worry about at this point

okay okay

so i mean uh okay then um we

i guess let’s introduce a new a new

segment to the show

which is the um the neopet

vet clinic the neopet vet clinic

um you know where we’re just because

it’s medical

so it’s still doctory yes and

um you know anyone can can ask a

question about

their favorite neopets uh maybe their

neopets are sick

i’m sorry and i don’t want to interrupt

and this maybe this is

this is a new segment as well i just

want to throw in here because we didn’t

do it and i

now i’m starting to feel guilty about it

can we have a moment of silence

for for lanchester

i feel stupid i feel let’s we could just

edit that in we could just edit in a

moment of silence

um that actually would save a lot of

time

if we just let’s just edit the making

sense later instead of actually doing it

now

yeah so we’ll to edit it so we will so

dj

dylan go ahead and yeah just just insert

um

moments of silence just wherever

throughout the podcast

i would say maybe like 13 or 14 times

throughout the show

just go ahead and just cut everything

out for a long period yeah honestly the

more science the more respect

yep okay so the more silence the more

science right that’s true

that’s what we say in the in the

scientific community actually wow

so so i’m gonna go ahead and um so we do

have a

another segment that we do have to

address but i’ll just try to incorporate

the neopets

into it does that does that work

just to bring this don’t want to do the

neopet

vet no i think we should do that but

let’s let’s merge

okay okay yeah yeah let’s merge the

ideas okay go ahead go ahead so before

we move on i would like to dress a bit

of listener feedback

okay and this is also this is what

lanchester was all about he he liked

this thing

so i found this note written on the

walls of my house and some sort of

dripping red paint

the note reads quote oh no titiana isn’t

a hussy

poor deer was bitten by a rabid dolly

parton impersonator during puberty end

quote

so and uh neopets

um so we

this reminds me of the neopet

uh psy bunny yes which as we all know

sai bunny is a neopet

little white bunny who has sort of a

maybe an ascot or something around its

neck with that’s red with hearts on it

and the reason that connects me to it is

because i just love sci bunnies so much

cybone is my favorite neopet and it’s

okay if it’s not

if that’s not your favorite neopet if

that’s not

i think everyone has to have their own

favor that’s what

uh makes them special and

yes um yes yes so

so that’s uh the psy bunny

okay just as a side note shane could you

go ahead and

look up what is neopatch

just so like we have something to go off

of yeah yeah

let me go ahead um

[Music]

i’m seeing uh ice cream

ice cream made in layers of different

colors typically included this doesn’t

sound right

okay okay okay so so i just finished the

it’s ice cream

um okay okay so i got that maybe some

maybe some of the neopets are made of

ice cream i’m not really in the space so

much yet but i’m

very after after hearing about it i’m

very intrigued

okay so so the question

was about being bitten

so ice cream you that’s what you bite

that

yeah sometimes yeah and that and so

so maybe so my favorite

neopets so my favorite neopet is

yes uh cookies and cream

yes okay great great great so for me

if i had to pick one and i don’t want to

have to

i do i’d go for maybe the

vanilla i okay

if i had to go for one hey hey that’s

okay is that

and that doesn’t mean you’re judging

anyone who else who has a different

favorite flavor

that’s right i don’t i don’t know

i don’t i really don’t know look and

this is

sort of tough because i’m i’m in a

grieving period right now

and so to be bringing all this up to

dredge it up and then to also

like dealing with the loss and then

also having to say hey i have a favorite

neopet and neopet is ice cream

it’s tough i’m not well you know

it’s it’s kind of like when you get out

of a when you get out of a long-term

relationship

you’re gonna grieve but what you really

want to do

is learn all about that person and what

they like you focus on them yeah

and and that’s that’s what gets you

through that grieving period so

that’s how you support it and that also

gives you the opportunity to sort of

like trick them

into coming back which is what we’re

doing today

right but trick them in a good way like

yeah it’s always oh i trick or treat

yeah it’s not like a trick

yeah not like tricking like um you know

maybe tricking

like an old witch who is trying to set a

curse on you but then you give her a

riddle that accidentally

she sets the curse on her own self not

that kind of tricking

yeah no this is yeah much more like

instead of a witch it’s a friendly old

lady at the door that

that that gives you candy corn

yeah absolutely can we can we find out a

little uh

shane a little bit more about lanchester

real quick i’m trying to think of what i

want to know i mean

um can we get any kind of pictures of

him

maybe a vacation that he was on we could

maybe get some information

what he likes to wear yeah um okay i’m

seeing let me pull that up um

i’m seeing a lot of anime convention

pictures okay mostly

neopet themed but yeah lots of lots of

cosplay um i don’t i’ve never heard the

term furry

before but i’m seeing that pop up a lot

right

and that um would you would you be able

to hack

the system and and find out what that is

well we can just we can probably just

guess right i mean doctor

one word what what else could it mean a

furry yeah so furry is

um so it’s also known as hirsutism this

is whenever

people have an abnormal amount of like

hair growth like

especially the term is used for women

whenever the too much testosterone

then they’ll have sort of male pattern

hair like they’ll

start to grow a beard or something so

hirsutism is

what lanchester flakes be was

was i guess into so it’s like a hair

like a hair

suit ism like the hair like the hair

yes how do you spell that hirsutism

h-i-r h-a-i-r

s-u-i-t i-s-m u-t-i-s-m

s-m right they have hair pseuditis and

yeah i mean so um

i guess uh okay so he’s into hey dr

london you know what you know what i

love

uh doing i love combing all the all my

hair that’s all over my body

oh oh you like that oh for me

there are some great health benefits for

that because

like for instance if you have a lot of

bugs in there it gets the

like if you have ants or lice it it

it brushes those out mm-hmm

so yeah i do that i don’t even

brush i like to kind of let it go the

way it’s going to go

do you yeah just let it natural

and i think that’s cool too and so and

respect i think what’s important here

is that even even people in the world

who uh have hair pseuditis

uh they matter and they should be

listening to this show

and this show is now it’s gonna a large

chunk of it is gonna be about that

um i found a couple i found a couple of

uh

other searches that were a little

farther

down from about the time it seems it’s

about the time that

he left oh no there are a whole bunch of

searches for keywords related to

and including why is the jock

doc podcast so terrible

who are these guys

uh yeah okay so

okay so one thing we’ve learned about

him uh uh thanks to shane is that he

hates us

so can we incorporate this into this

honestly he’s

he’s right okay

he’s he’s right to uh have them

he hasn’t a right to have an opinion is

what you mean

yeah exactly and that’s awesome yeah

that’s great

and i hate the i hate you dr lin i hate

you

why are you so terrible i mean i think

this he’s not

the worst but he’s not the best yeah

that’s a good time honestly he’s pretty

terrible

so i’ll do the medical lesson now

because i feel like this is the time for

that

okay the the for the terrible part yeah

i just feel like there’s

i don’t know a better segue yeah this is

perfect so

um i i i know i try not to interrupt you

when you do your medical lessons because

obviously they’re really important and

so usually i just

try to stay completely silent but uh

shane maybe during this time we need to

be

sort of um let’s just say

encouraging dr london by heckler

right well yeah under pr the the

smartest people

uh perform the best under pressure

exactly

okay and so hopefully our old friend

lanchy

um will find some humor in us uh uh kind

of roasting dr london here

but if not then at least me and you can

be friends with him

because we would also appear to hate the

podcast

oh yeah i will leave this podcast to

just have a a light lunch

with lanchester flixby i would leave

this podcast to

have another unreplied email be sent to

him

it’s just it it consumes my every

thought i have

we’ve gotta we’ve gotta figure this out

dr london please okay

boo okay so it sucks okay just kind of

play into him not like

he he hates me he hates me okay

now for today’s medical topic

granulomatosis with polyangiitis

formerly known ah

granulomatosis so granulomatosis with

polyangiitis is characterized

by a necrotizing granulomatous

vasculitis affecting the vessels of

lungs kidneys the upper airways i hope

i’m glad it’s not characterized by

uh being bored because then uh maybe i’d

have that right now you know what i’m

talking about

lanchester and if you’re out there and

sometimes

other organs so

so the granulomatosis indicates an

elevated number of granulomas

uh and granulomas are an organized

collection of macrophages which are a

part of your body’s immune system

so it’s like a small baby part of like a

normal person’s body but i mean not

not dr london’s body who because

he is a um i mean

i don’t want to be mean like this dr

london i don’t i feel like

i feel like most weeks you do i know

oh is this the grieving sorry the only

thing i’ve ever tried to do is hell

and now i’m just here i’m just like

making fun of you and i don’t even

believe these things

i mean yeah i mean dr london he looks

like a freak

and he i mean his hat is too big and

it’s always been too big

and i think that maybe he should stop

wearing the hat

so so it’s like a small ball of

inflammation

cornering whatever pathogen uh they’re

targeting so

in this case uh they

the granulomas may in fact be mistakenly

targeting some of the body’s own

proteins

so and these these antibodies and again

maybe a normal person’s body but not dr

london’s like freaky body

so to help diagnose the condition that’s

what i believe

and so so that addresses the granuloma

aspect of the name

and the polyangiitis refers to multiple

blood vessels being inflamed

uh so manifestations of granulomatosis

with polyangiitis include

you know upper

and lower why are you crying you big

baby

why are you crying

why are you crying you big baby so

essentially if a patient presents with

problems involving the nose and her

throat

the lungs and the kidneys then you want

to have granulomatosis

polyangiitis on your differential of

course

the gold standard for diagnosis is

tissue biopsy

and if the patient tests positive for c

antineutrophilic cytoplasmic antibodies

otherwise known as cienka or ping r3

anga

along with a clinical picture that

further establishes the diagnosis the

likelihood of having this condition is

high which you would

he still is he’s still talking i just

got back yeah he

he i’ve been gone for like 20 minutes he

keeps

talking about um

i guess how much he sucks and how much

um neopets are better than doctor things

yeah and you know what really sucks is

logging on to a podcast just to hear

someone

read from wikipedia he probably doesn’t

even know any of this stuff

i’m a scientist i know stuff and i can

detect

when people don’t know stuff

it’s just it’s fishy it’s fishy yes

so so treatment usually includes

immunosuppressive agents and

glucocorticoids do you guys think we did

do you think we did it do you think we’d

i uh can we look at who’s listening

right now

yeah shane could you pull that up we

should have at least

two hopefully i’ve got two listeners

right now let me see uh okay where’s

lancaster

flag and dr

london smith that’s

it’s probably a glitch i’m i think it’s

probably a glitch there okay there’s

probably more than

two okay okay okay okay but um

so we have this uh what else what else

what else

so this video we will give you an

overview on neopets

what is neopets the neopets.com was

launched in 1997

and was made available in several

languages such as spanish

german dutch oh okay um so

uh

[Music]

uh um spain

spain is gr spain is great

yes oh bane from batman

yeah that’s what you said right yeah

maybe yeah

is it is that what i said that’s what

you said bane okay

so we’re thinking like sort of a so

so lanchester must have taken like some

sort of steroids

gotten to be really big and strong like

the wrestler

character guy in batman okay

maybe we can or maybe that’s what he

wants to be and that’s why he goes to

the cosplay

convention yeah the hirsutism the furry

to pretend to be something that he is

yes the hair suit

disease where he has hair all over him

would make him self-conscious

what if we turn this podcast

into a self-help

podcast okay so that he could we can

make him become

what he wants to become so can you what

is he what is he

like dressed up as at the anime

conventions

um some pictures it just looks

from what i can see it just looks kind

of like

just a really hairy

suit or something like is is that

i think it might that me he may be naked

it is like a pile of hair like it’s not

in any shape

i’m not really i’m not really sure but

judging by the fact that he has hair

suit ism

yeah and he appears to be

only dressed in hair i would probably

make the conclusion

that he is naked okay so

which honestly fits

you don’t see anything you know except

for the hair

so it does work as a costume yeah

so the our lanchester wants to be

cousinette right well adam’s family

no technically he’s he’s just a furry

i haven’t seen anything about the addams

family but i would

um i would say uh if there’s ever

a casting for a new adams family

yeah show or film um

they would that would be something to

look into okay so adam’s face which we

could get in contact him

with him if that opportunity were to

arise

well actually i’ve been thinking about

doing um a remake of that

getting into film and and starting my

own adams family

uh remake wow so i don’t know if that’s

something if

that’s a way we if that’s what we have

to do to win him back i’m

i mean i’m all for it those thoughts

have already crossed my mind this this

is incredible lanchester

are you hearing this you’ve just been

given a part in a big

blockbuster hollywood movie wow

yeah it it’s definitely going to be a

blockbuster because it already was

blockbuster

that was around at the same time as

neopets right

yeah that’s true that’s true okay i

don’t know

because i don’t the only thing i know

about neopets is that it’s in spanish

one of you oh yeah yeah and whatever you

said

well bane was bane but uh and also

said it was the late 90s which um

you know that’s whenever that one movie

that one marvel movie

had a blockbuster in it sorry sorry and

the addams family was around at least

in the early 90s okay okay maybe even

earlier

and and everyone has heard of it so you

know

if if a show has had success in a past

than you

in the past then you know that

a remake is going to be a hit well yeah

riding the wave basically

yeah okay and this one’s great because

they

i mean they just made a animated addams

family movie that came out i want to say

last halloween and so you don’t even

have to dig

that deep for sources yeah and and think

about how much

more people will love the real thing

than animated i mean the reason they

animated

is because nobody actually looks like

cousin it

but we have the guy we have the guy he’s

not he’s not even in a costume he’s

naked you know how many people

are gonna want to watch that and how

much money you’re going to save on

costuming

look yeah it’s it’s we’re just

incredibly making so much money

and we’re talking about showbiz but you

know what i mean this

we lost a listener and that’s

we only have three we had three

and it’s i’m sorry to you know getting i

don’t want to get lost in all the lights

and the cameras and i

there’s a real

lanchester out there

i just don’t want us to get caught up

and lose sight

of of the person of lanchester

yeah i i didn’t mean to look at him as a

specimen so much

you want so you want to reach out not to

just you know the things he likes and

dislikes and how he dresses but

more to his humanity is that what you’re

trying to reach out to

judging by these pictures he may not

have that much humanity in him it may be

more

ape whatever species what

manner beast you know it’s it’s because

of us

it’s it’s it’s our fault and ah

no dr linda you can’t blame yourself you

cannot blame yourself like that

are you sure because it’s you can only

blame the people who

run the podcast you can only blame the

people who run the podcast dr london yes

i can’t help but think that that i have

at least a small part to play in that

that well no no your podcast is just one

of many

yeah it’s a collective it’s not your

fault that someone else has a better

podcast

yeah nope it’s it’s tim cook’s fault for

allowing

the apple podcast app to still exist

so i mean dr london what are you what

are you suggesting here like what

what do we need to do do we need to do

we need to search

do more research on him do we need to

throw the research out and just try to

appeal to

his humanity or ape-like so we’ve gone

through

and you know before the episode we

talked about

you know so we’ve we’ve found his

address we’re watching him on a

satellite we have been

driving to his locations watching

through binoculars and telescopes

listening in on conversations uh

you know pulling out his chair from

behind him before he sits down

doing all these things around him

and i can’t and all that comes from

technology

and from in almost but not quite

face-to-face interaction

so as we watch him on you know these

thermal

cameras as we watch him on infrared as

we do all this

what if we just take all that away and

as you said

see him as a person as a soul

or an ape-like creature yeah yeah from

the depths yeah

um if this podcast doesn’t win him back

we could always switch to sabotage

but not sabotaging him but just

sabotaging the podcasts that are better

than ours because

i don’t know if there’s much hope of

ours getting better but there is hope of

other ones

becoming much worse yeah um

so i i do like that suggestion and the

main podcast that’s our issue right now

is

the npr podcast and radio show this

american life

um so genre genre-wise yeah

well no i mean that’s what that’s what

lanchester started listening to

that’s the reason he stopped listening

because he was listening to this

american life

yeah it’s just and they’re also like the

most

medical informative podcast there is

aside from ours

yeah so why don’t we on our

jock doc twitter account why don’t we

use the power we have there to say that

um ira glass uh

it has uh stolen credit card information

[Music]

that he’s a thief and he’s hacked into

people’s computers

and stolen their credit cards and so you

can’t support ira glass

anymore okay

uh shane can you oh i can do anything

yeah if you can post that to twitter

says

wow okay okay and now we just sit back

now we just wait for the mob

wait for lanchester flixby and maybe

he’ll bring some friends with him over

from his

his this american life land okay

yeah and and i have a lot

of connections with russia oh

okay and if there’s one thing that they

hate it’s podcasts that have to do with

america

so we can take them down so

i know shane that you’ve mentioned

before

that you’re a scientist uh for listeners

who

who haven’t heard shane on previous

episodes shane is

from i understand are you still you’re

uh cashier at walgreens is that right

yes but uh you may know me better from

my paper that has been circulating about

how

global warming is actually caused by the

earth’s inner core

okay it’s very popular i you know i

haven’t

25 downloads okay well

i so i bring it up to the scientist

aspect because

and then that kind of that paper really

got me thinking because i’ve wondered

why

sometimes when i’m standing out on the

hot hot pavement

on a hot hot day when i’m not wearing

any shoes

and i’m sitting there thinking okay yeah

the sun’s hot

but my feet are getting burned way

more than like my my head yeah the

pavement’s way hotter than the sun

is on your body and it makes you wonder

where is this extra heat coming from and

you you keep standing in that same spot

and when the sun goes down

tell me it’s not still hot because it is

exactly so it proves that the sun has

nothing to do with it it’s

it’s conduction coming the sun is trying

to mind its own business

and all these other like these

scientists and these

publications and people like ira glass

on this american life

the they they want to blame it all in

the sun

who was just trying to have a good time

and give us some light every once in a

while

yeah but they truly are almost 100

million miles away

when the earth is less than one mile

away less than an

inch yeah sometimes and

and uh you know you want to tell me

that the earth is heated by a star

that’s a hundred million miles away

and by gases whenever

the earth’s core is molten and have you

ever seen a volcano

that’s what’s inside the earth now tell

me that a volcano isn’t hot and this is

the

kind of stuff i mean in

the the paper that shane had wrote about

this

after he asked that question he did sort

of a mic drop because there was like

seven or eight blank pages right after

that

where you see yeah well because it’s an

open letter huh it was interesting

and then there was so much space before

it started up again and i thought that

was incredible

yeah right that’s because it’s an open

letter so you want to have a lot of

blank pages

um you know since it’s open and uh

the mic drop was there i didn’t want to

say the end because

teachers always tell you not to write

the end so

yeah that kind of signifies that that’s

the end

you’re supposed to say i love you bye

yes something like that

yeah and it has to be based you know

we’re talking about teachers and we’re

talking about

uh you know the tasks that they assign

all the you know all the things that we

had to do growing up um

we have something that we have to do

that

we don’t like we don’t like to have to

do it

but for a while now we’ve had to do

these

um chores and you know you can put them

off for only so long before they build

up

and so yep so we’ve had these chores

that have been piling up and piling up

on our to-do list

for a really long time now and so over

the last few weeks we’ve been trying to

just knock off

one chore on the chore list and

uh trying to knock off one every week

and so we’ve created a fun

chore wheel that we’re going to go ahead

and spin and whatever chore it lands on

we have to do it

even if we don’t want to do it even if

we’re busy and so

um you know we’re still land lanchester

if you’re

giving us another shot and listening to

this and if you hate the chore wheel

then tell me and i will burn it to the

ground

i will burn it and i’ll bury its corpse

in a hole

okay you should burn it in the hole

that’d make

more sense and yeah that would reduce

the amount of spread that’s a good point

so i’m gonna put it in a hole and burn

it dj dylan can we go ahead and spin the

wheel

[Music]

[Applause]

yes

i knew it was yeah i mean it was going

to come up i knew it did we have to do

it though i did as much as you

but go go ahead and and you want to read

the card so it’s

okay so this

so as you know our listeners know we are

a

scientific podcast we are a you know

it’s medical science primarily but

sometimes you know we we branch out i

certainly my undergrad was not in you

know medicine it was in

another science but so anyway a local

university

has asked us to go ahead and

solve uh sort of a question a riddle of

debate that they’ve been having

and they’re stumped yeah this is a

they’re university heads they’re

supposed to be geniuses and all these

genius smarty pants

have this problem written up on a

whiteboard waiting for someone to solve

it and no one can and so they’ve

reached out to us so many janitors

they’ve been pushing janitors through

and like just been leaving genders in

there

and they’ve been expanding to

electricians like

uh you know bug killer guys mm-hmm

everything in front of changing guys you

know all those

kind of people it’s become concerning

uh just like the safety issue you know

in the current times you’re not supposed

to be crowding a lot of people in a room

but they’ve been circulating a lot of

people through trying to solve this

problem that’s on this whiteboard

and with outsourced it they’ve

outsourced

it to us due to covered issues and

concerns they’ve outsourced the problem

to us

and i mean we’ve got to figure this out

talk to london so what was what’s the

question the question is the question

that has stumped

every teacher and janitor in the at the

university

okay and and sorry before i say this uh

we have been tasked with we have to come

to a unanimous agreement like we have to

and it has to be precise

okay yeah so the question is and

it’s fairly simple i guess uh exactly

how big is the universe

in yards it says yeah it says in

parentheses in yards which

seems like a universe because you know

like you’d think

maybe light years or like in science we

tend to use

you know meters kind of type of

measurements but

yards maybe if it’s football related i i

really don’t know

shane you’re more of the expert on this

subject than we are can we get some

insight here

yeah so it’s impossible to actually

measure the universe

using units that we’re familiar with

using

using units of measurement yeah because

if you’re trying to measure the universe

with units of measurement

that we are familiar with the the

problem is that the universe

is expanding at a rate that’s faster

than the speed of light

so so that means that

everything else in the universe

is expanding too because the universe

the term universe includes everything in

the universe

right yeah so so as

space time is expanding so is everything

else

so if you were to measure

the universe with a meter well

technically

the meter itself is expanding at a rate

faster than light

you’re saying like constantly the meter

stick that you’re using

to to measure is growing larger into a

more and more giant stick

yeah because technically it’s expanding

you’re saying we all are yes and that’s

the reason that we

can’t tell a difference in our meter

stick because everything is expanding at

the same rate

so to us it just looks like a meter

still but technically it’s

it’s a meter times infinity long

okay so you’re oh i i think i’m

so we’re basically like a zillion

feet tall really well yeah but you know

how they’re expanding at the same time

and so we don’t

realize that we’re so gigantic is that

correct right and it’s

the universe is infinitely big yeah

you hear that all the time what you

don’t hear is that we are also

infinitely big

wow that’s what i was measuring that’s a

mate

that’s incredible yeah that um

inches and feet are just

social constructs but a yard they’re

human concerts yards

i guess are different because that’s

what they’re asking well well

tech so technically yards meters

kilometers miles are are a little more

accurate because they were bigger to

begin with

yeah than an inch or a centimeter so if

you’re going to measure i would suggest

using miles just because it’s

it it’s still inaccurate but it’s closer

to infinity than say

an inch okay so let’s can

okay so i think we can figure this out

in miles

and then just convert that to yards for

their

yeah for their needs so

okay um so okay so scientist shane is

telling us that everything in the

universe is expanding at the same rate

and at the same time

and so technically the universe is an

infinite amount of space so how many

miles is that

dr london uh

okay so it’s infinite converted to

and how giant am i really i thought it

was 511 but if i’m hearing correctly

i might be like a thousand miles tall

well technically you if let’s say you

were a thousand miles tall you would

technically be

thou a thousand miles divided by

infinity miles tall so

okay and that’s like double the amount

of miles

well yeah it’s it’s infinity miles

times the dividend

of 1 000. it’s like more than three

times more than

what i was saying uh i mean

by now it would be it would be a lot

more maybe

because maybe even four times

we’ll bind yeah it could be by now so

okay so the way i like to think about it

sounds like i’m 4000 miles tall

i would say at least five by now so

probably five it’s hard to put a finger

on it because everything’s expanding

yeah that i mean

this is all making so much sense because

i you know i’m a 74 year old man

and i still feel like i have growing

pains

and i asked my mom the other day i’m

like these stop right

i swear these stop and she was like no i

mean i don’t know i get them too and so

this this just makes sense of course i

have growing pains

i’m 5000 feet tall and the thing is you

you know whenever peop

people often argue well you would have

more cells well no the thing is

the cells themselves are also

growing at an exponential infinite rate

yeah all it sounds like all of the all

of the blood cells and all of my organs

and all of the atoms that i’m comprised

of are

growing exponentially i mean we’re

talking about i mean

we think of atoms as super duper small

sounds like atoms they’re probably the

size of a basketball

or what what we perceive to be a

basketball

oh so so

i mean the size of a basket so i just

want to

kind of get us back on track a little

bit because we do have to have an answer

and so

what i’m thinking is let’s just put it

in terms that everyone can understand

okay so you have you have like maybe

your backyard

and that’s that’s four by six

yards let’s say that okay how do we

apply

that sort of measurement to the universe

uh okay so let me do let me put

if it’s infinite by six

times infinity yeah check that out well

so

the universe as we know is a circle

so technically it would be

pi big oh

okay so it’s really a simple answer okay

so

because pi is an infinite number and the

universe is infinite and it’s a circle

so technically it’s pi big

oh okay that’s that’s okay

so let me just look up pie in yards

one pie is the equivalent of

12 yards okay so

all right so go ahead and put that down

12

yards all right and uh

i mean i think we i know we have to wrap

up here we do have to

and i don’t deleted and

dj dylan has eaten his spaghetti dinner

have we mentioned that on the show that

every during every show

dj dylan eats a spaghetti dinner

throughout

yeah he pays the show can’t the show

can’t finish until he’s done

mm-hmm and i mean look at that plate

there’s nothing on it nope so actually i

know it’s time to wrap

up we’re in a huge hurry then the

spaghetti done

so maybe we can make one more

collective plea to lanchester flixby

and then um call it quits

right you think it should be a threat to

lanchester

ooh i like that idea should it be a

threat

um yeah maybe we should just threaten to

kill his favorite neopets

right yeah

or i could threaten to hack the neopets

server and just crash the whole

site well i think it’s yeah maybe but

cut the throats of all the neopets

for sure i think it’ll do and delete

their digital home

well yeah maybe just burn it to the

ground don’t like

delete it because yeah hacking at this

point hacking

is not enough you want the scars to be

there

exactly that’s why like you don’t just

delete their favorite neopet

slit its throat and have its corpse

sitting on as

make that their screen saver you know

right yes

okay okay i mean tamagotchis die why

can’t neopets die

oh i forgot he’s an anti-tamagotcher

so so that would be kind of a double

whammy for him kind of

copying tamagotchis and killing

i know that you were denying it but like

whenever you pulled it up on the screen

it looks like it’s a very violent

extremist anti-tamagotchi

group that he’s involved with

right i just i didn’t know if i wanted

to go

there yeah but it does seem extremely

violent

i just okay so and we do have to wrap up

is the thing so let’s each

or together uh make make it together at

the same time

at the same time let’s go ahead together

at the same time let’s make a threat

uh towards lanchester flixby that will

convince him to listen to us okay

so you guys ready okay yep

one two three

is

[Music]

we’ll never be proud of you if you

you’ll be a disa don’t

know forever anyway um

that we are going to burn their houses

to the ground

okay so

yes i love you uh

i’m okay so i feel like we really got

the point across

i’m i’m feeling like we like i had the

time to grieve a little bit

which i’m yeah you know you don’t

always get to have that these days

whenever there’s

just any difficulties in the world

sometimes you don’t get the chance to

really

focus on what’s important and say the

things that you

you should have said before you know

yeah like the

like the moments of silence that i

assume were edited

what’s so great about this is that he’s

not

dead so at a funeral you often feel like

it’s not

the time to focus on the negative

perhaps but in these situations

it’s fine yeah and we yeah one thing we

can’t do now

we that we cannot do at least until

unt until we win him back huh and tell

me when

lancey back is let’s get out of bed i

was gonna say

um we can’t disavow

the violent extremist anti-tamagotchi

group

uh but but as soon as we get him back we

we can

have a stance right

i think i know i disagree disagree i

think we should never have it have a

stance on it

because we’ll lose them it’s best just

to turn a blind eye

in this situation let’s just uh stick

our

little fingers in our ears and go la la

la la la

and uh let’s let’s blackmail lanchester

fligsty into coming back

okay uh and that that seems as good a

point of

as any to to end this um so

thank you uh to shane flegg for

coming on and you know helping us taking

up his role as intern once again

um do you have any i gotta do it for the

credit

so yeah yeah do you have any um

you know any way for listeners to follow

you or anyone you’re a fan of

um uh yes you can find me on

facebook at shaneflag

facebook.com slash

shaneflag um

and instagram at shaneflag

yes okay but don’t ask for don’t ask

me to follow you back it gets annoying

it’s kind of sad it’s pathetic

yeah once you reach your life i like you

i’ll follow you back

if you’re not attractive i probably i

can’t say for sure

yeah right but that’s just yeah

except for lanchester if you want to

follow lanchester

shane can you can you promise a follow

to lanchester

i will follow lanchester back at least

briefly okay until you get the follow

back and then you just just you would

unfollow

yeah well i got to keep my ratio up but

that at least helps um

helps his algorithm yeah helps the it

helps him

show up on the algorithm better so right

okay well um so thank you to shane flag

of course and then thank you to

our producer cameron uh you know and for

for everyone here who’s been helping

with this sort of grieving process

uh thank you to digital in the house

yeah so

it’s impossible to actually measure the

universe universe

using using units

is

[Music]

is expanding too because the universe

[Music]

measure measure the universe with a

meter meter

well technically the meters these cells

[Music]

my name oh it’s i’m sorry it’s okay

buddy just even mentioning it again it’s

just

my name is dr londonsmith.com

yeah this has been

the jock dock podcast

and lanchester fligsby if you’re out

there

and we can see you on the satellite so

we we do know you’re out there

come back please come back

see ya

[Music]

you put on your sunglasses as the

blazing daylight slams into your wincing

face

ugh can this day get any worse you think

to yourself

as you slowly wake up and get out of bed

bleary-eyed you

stumble over to the mini fridge and take

out a cold one you pop open the top

and you chug that whole half gallon of

milk

resting in the knowledge that you paid

extra for the vitamin d they put in it

the phone rings its infuriating ring and

you lurch across the room to put a stop

to it

you pick up and they ask if you still

want the room for a second night

yes it was wonderful you reply

before hanging up it was a rough night

of testing but yes

this room will be adequate for your

son’s hotel room themed birthday party

speaking of wild nights in hotel rooms

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