Hey kids

you were about to listen to a comedy

podcast

that means that no one if this is

medical advice

if you need medical advice some medical

care please contact your doctor

welcome to the jock doc podcast

featuring dr london smith

the only podcast wait hold on

i think

hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast where we discuss fitness and

health

and how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring

i’m your host dr londonsmith.com

i would like to begin by apologizing to

our listeners we’ve received some

feedback about the excessive amount of

technical medical terms that i’ve been

using

such as antiarrhythmic toxicity and

spooky so i’ll try to temper my

terminology to a simpler one in the

future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron hey dr london dr london real

quick before

before we really get into the show um i

have to show you this video

okay okay i’ve gotta show you this video

oh my gosh let me okay it’s loading it’s

buffering

it’s so funny it’s going to make you

it’s going to make you laugh your socks

off okay

still still buffering so still

i just oh do you want to show me after

no no no no dude you’re going to like it

so much that you’re going to be mad if i

show it to you later because you’re

going to be like oh i wish i saw this

before

because it’s like a cat it’s like a cat

and

it it meets a you’ll you’ll see okay

and it’s buffering okay i just feel like

this is

it it seems like it’s gone less percent

than it was yeah

yeah no i let me let me go check

the the internet connection real quick

all right let me let me just do the

whole hold on okay

just can you can you just take a pause

just uh you know talk about

talk about your day or whatever to the

listeners i’m gonna i’m gonna go let me

go

back to the the i.t closet okay talk

about my day

okay yeah go ahead all right all right

yeah okay so i woke up

and so this morning was actually kind of

weird because

like normally i’ll have uh

like well it’s you know it’s the weekend

so

normally i’ll like wake up and just kind

of stretch a little bit

but today there was this knocking at the

scraping at the door

so i went i’m sorry cameron cameron are

you doing all right

this wire

goes in here

and this wire

goes right here

and this if we do if we put this wire

here then we can just put

this wire and if we do this wire

here

so if we do and then we plug this wire

hey dr london how’s the how’s the

connection are you getting the video

i i’m not getting the okay i don’t think

i need the video

i’m not it’s really it’s just buffering

we if we plug in the

this port to this other one

again okay it’s just and

off and

on all right all right i’m coming back

coming out of the i.t

closet all right i think it’s

good all right now watch this video

see okay well you said it was a cat

meeting at

some the ground the cat

met the ground oh yeah

it was like just like thrown down by

that dude and you thought that

that i would just that i would just be

cracking up at that

i thought you would have to see it like

the second i saw it you wouldn’t need to

see it

oh we can move on it’s animal cruelty is

what that looks like

we’ve got to do something about that it

closet though yeah yeah well and

the wolf i don’t mind most of the things

in there the wolf is causing a lot of

issues i think that’s what’s causing

most of the

internet issues oh okay because i was

just

you know while you were gone i was

sharing a little bit about there was

something

scratching at my door this morning

i didn’t know there was a wolf

prowling i had no idea that there was a

wolf around

the i.t closet is for like sort of nerdy

types

and what’s the nerdiest of all animals

like which which animal are you going to

find which animal are you going to find

in the library late at night being like

oh does what does blue and yellow make

green doing my calculations to find out

it’s probably a wolf right yes so he’s

probably back there

tinkering with wires and ethernet cords

and lan

mines and wi-fi so you think that

and wolves are the nerdiest of animals

because i would have felt like

besides owls islands i can see more

they’re portrayed that anyway we have a

wolf in the i.t

closet yeah i mean it’s just creepy back

there that’s all which is perfectly

fitting

uh for today because what is what is

this week dr london

uh yeah so this week um i guess there’s

uh so i’ve i’ve rounds to do at the

hospital uh

what else did i have going on um the

weather’s been

like it’s it’s been colder

uh yeah so

i mean honestly but everything that i

had going on has kind of been cancelled

like but what is what is what what is

this saturday

it’s the last day of october what does

that usually mean

oh november’s coming that means we have

thanksgiving on the way

oh my gosh you are so lame dr london

it’s halloween

yes

[Music]

oh okay that’s right dr london it’s

halloween

[Music]

all right yeah i guess i guess it is

um so that’s not really what are you

going as dr london are you i assume you

dress up while you’re doing your rounds

right

uh no no normally

like it’s it’s kind of run in the middle

so i dress up as a doctor

i guess you could say that ah so sort of

like a

like a meta or method

style of of halloweening i like it it’s

very edgy it’s very raw

well it’s sort of the standard

method of dress like people dress in

different ways as doctors but like

that’s

you know like i wear a lab coat you know

yeah whatever anyway i’m actually

wearing my costume

today can you and you look at what i’m

wearing

oh oh okay

yeah notice the the red beanie that i’m

wearing

yeah but it’s filled like it’s

out of the beanies is that

okay i i don’t know what animal is just

a growth in my head the

that’s irrelevant but the hat the hat is

important

okay yeah and then notice i’m wearing

i’m noticing i’m wearing a tan suit

right the beanie with the tan suit yeah

who so who am i obviously i’ll go ahead

and guess

um you’re uh you’re you’re a little

obvious should be obvious a lawyer

no i’m i’m i’m specific

i’m more specific than that and i’m not

a lawyer the

okay from breaking bad that one better

call saul you better call saul

no no he’s always wearing a beanie

dr london i’m bajaq

kustein obama

i am the combination of jacques cousteau

and barack

hussein obama wow red beanie right

tan suit remember yeah so do you

do you always dress as combinations

of costumes oh i mean usually yeah

yeah but this is the first time that

it’s actually the names have sort of

been mashed together okay

so that’s like one year i was

brittany murphy combined with napoleon

like the historical figure

yeah napoleon dynamite yeah yeah no one

understood that at all

but this one whereas this one i think is

clear i think it’s a great conversation

starter

i’m gonna be all the different parties

that i’m gonna be at people are gonna be

just laughing so hard at it and i’m just

really really excited to take this out

on the town

come on you gotta go with me let’s let’s

dress you up real quick what are you

gonna wear

uh what am i gonna wear uh

well so so i was gonna stay in i thought

for halloween

i don’t know if that’s because you know

it’s not really safe

to go door-to-door no no no no dr london

we’re going out and we’re going

out we’re going into other people’s

houses to steal

candy from their pantries that’s how

we’re going

this is gonna be the wildest

trick-or-treating you’ve ever done dr

london

let’s move on i’m gonna figure out your

costume throughout

during this episode before this episode

is over i’m gonna have a costume

okay you can try to i get strong on that

okay

that was our producer cameron also with

us

is digital in the house

dj dylan in the house

jock music

[Music]

jock boys for life

it’s the [ __ ] jock doc podcast

[Music]

yes

[Music]

it’s the [ __ ] podcast

brand new dj dylan in the house

[Music]

[Music]

later we’d expect a special guest that’s

right dr london

i would say one of the most special

guests we’ve ever had

on this show ever see i feel like you’ve

said that

a few times before but i guess this is

now

at up to this point now the most special

yeah i mean back then i couldn’t have

seen the future

i’m not i’m not psychic okay i know

i know it’s like halloween right now so

there’s sort of a supernatural bent to

the air

but that doesn’t mean that i can read

minds

or know who is a more special guest

than someone else now is next week’s

guest more special than our current

guest

absolutely okay and is the guest

after that even more special than that

guest 100

yes at least in that part of the

timeline because

yeah what’s more special because we just

keep getting better yeah if you’re not

getting better

you’re moving backwards yes okay i

learned that from

from book i i assume joe rogan i don’t i

have no idea

okay well um before we move on the only

thing that i

that usually enters my brain as stuff

joe rogan sort of coughs out

well yeah cause he doesn’t speak it’s

just more like

a blob of thoughts are forming in here

and he just

sort of vomits them out and then i

absorb them into my body which is

science

and it’s it is strange to see the effect

he has on you

yeah but in any case um before we move

on i would like to address a bit of

listener feedback

so um i found out last week that we

actually have hey you stole that joke

that’s me that’s like me trying to be

like my hero joe rogan in that

video shaming carlos mencia 15 years ago

oh you stole that joke okay so a

good impression yeah you should try out

for snl

no it’s who i am now i

i’ll just go ahead just keep going so i

found out last week that we actually

have a real

physical mailbox where listeners have

been leaving questions

via fan mail um so

are you sure it’s a mailbox oh like

there’s no doubt so uh there was a dog

sleeping in it like it was kind of a it

was like a miniature

i guess barn shaped thing in the back of

uh

my neighbor’s yard and there was a dog

but like once i

shooed the dog away i found all this

mail for us

yeah i mean that’s a mailbox yeah yeah

and there was like there was food around

that yeah it was

dog food really nearby so all that was a

little bit weird but once i

cleaned it out the dog it was fine

so anyway uh so i picked out one of the

letters there

from random the note reads quote

howdy honey i really want to meet with

great passion and my age is 23

yo do you want to know how many toys i

can put in my bum

or maybe you’ll want to help me a bit in

this

reply me faster my figure needs a warm

hands and fingers

my images and links are in my profile

need to follow this link

end quote

[Music]

and you got this as a physical piece of

mail yeah

what why why are you confirming that

i didn’t it keeps talking about links i

just didn’t know

oh is it talking about like sausage

links or well

like the links like talking about gold

well remember there was a dog there so i

assume that if whatever sausage or

whatever if there was sausage links

attached to the message of course it

would be yeah

that is right sorry i’m not the doctor

i’m not the doctor and sometimes i

forget that

but no that’s that is a good point

because it

then the note ended with need to follow

this

link and if the dog ate the link

i need to catch that dog

we gotta catch that dog and we gotta i

mean we gotta get that sausage out of

its belly before you digest yeah or

maybe digestion is part of it so wow

you know i don’t sometimes i don’t take

the time to appreciate from our

listeners like this is really

there was a lot more to this than i gave

credit for

um so thank you thank you to this

listener for reaching out

and as for your questions uh

about putting toys in a

um maybe

maybe that’s part of the dog thing so i

feel like this will be revealed once we

hunt down the dog

um anyway uh we we love to hear back and

you know i i

you know i just want to say i don’t

think there’s anything wrong with having

sort of a special place to sort of keep

your toys safe

you know like i you know i think you

know let’s say you’ve got some barbies

or some hot wheels

or whatever i mean whatever you have i i

you know i’m not

you know what what’s the alternative you

just throw it on the floor

so if you want to keep it wherever you

want just to keep it safe so it’s not

getting scratched or whatever i say

go for it and that that makes a lot of

sense

because you know they did say reply me

faster my figure needs

warm hands and fingers so i think action

figure is what they’re referring to

there

oh yeah probably okay um

and i mean i gotta assume it’s gonna be

like an action figure probably like

from the new succession line um all the

characters of succession

just battling it out finally

about time honestly about time

i’ve i’m so excited to get the new

action figure set

all right well so to this listener thank

you for listening and um

you know we look forward to getting more

fan mail in that mailbox

all right now for today’s medical topic

asbestosis

asbestosis is characterized by diffuse

interstitial fibrosis of the lung caused

by inhalation of asbestos fibers

it has a predilection for the lower

lobes of the lung

and it develops insidiously typically

over 15 to 20 years after exposure

so this exposure can be in the mining

and the milling of the fibers

in industrial application of asbestos

and that’s with work with cement

friction materials

ooh insulation costume idea

costume idea for you dr london

okay because you’ve mentioned it a lot

so i think it’s i think it’s kind of

up your alley you seem to talk about a

lot asbestos

when you say that i i seem to talk about

it a lot

so asbestos is the medical comes up all

the time it’s like gotta be

it’s gotta be like one of your favorite

things i feel like

i’m not even sure i’ve mentioned it

before on this podcast

until today you talk about it constantly

so let’s think about

getting an asbestos costume

and so you’re gonna be sort of like

what is that is that like a is that like

a video game or is that like a

so that’s like a drug or like a liquid

it’s a fiber like it’s a very small type

of fiber it’s

like uh microscopically it’s

uh it looks i guess i think it looks

like dumbbells if i’m if i remember

correctly sort of

um okay so a fiber so you’re talking

about like kind of like a small little

string

dr london you’re just a skinny little

string bean

that’s your costume

huh

i i don’t know if i’m all right i’m just

gonna write that i’m just gonna write

these down we’re gonna go

costume one guaranteed

choice asbestos

all right yeah i guess you can write

what you need to for now

um i would say uh anyway

also um you can be exposed through

non-occupational settings with

airborne asbestos such as regular

exposure to

soiled work clothes brought home by an

asbestos worker

or renovation or

you know demolition of

asbestos-containing buildings

[Music]

but asbestos it causes an increased risk

of bronchogenic carcinoma

which is increased even further if the

patient smokes

asbestosis also increases the risk oh i

mean this is another one of your

favorite things is smoking

that now you know i know you talk about

that like a ton

smoking yes because it’s such that’s

like one of your favorite subjects to

talk about

so why don’t we get yourself like

a you’re like a you’re a discarded

cigarette butt

right so maybe there’s like a little

lipstick on

and it’s sort of like a little

smoldering

you know what i mean yeah i

so i don’t want to promote smoking in

any way because then

you can go up you can go up to people at

the party and you can be like

hey you wanna do you wanna bum one and

but you’re like talking about yourself

oh okay i thought you’re gonna say like

i’d point at my

bum because it’s a cigarette butt or

something i mean you can do whatever you

want

you’re an adult yeah so asbestosis also

increases the risk of um malignant

mesothelioma

symptoms and physical findings are

non-specific interstitial lung disease

so the diagnosis is based on clinical

features and a history of exposure to

asbestos

and that’s that’s really a lot of it is

just

asking the right questions about work

exposure chest x-ray shows hazy

infiltrates with bilateral linear

opacities

and may show pleural plaques especially

in the lower lung

regions a high resolution ct scan

may show subplural linear deposits of

varying length

parallel to the pleura it could show

parenchymal fibrosis

coarse honeycombing and advanced disease

and pleural plaques

among other findings no specific

treatment

has been identified for asbestosis

management includes supportive care with

an emphasis on smoking cessation

there’s that word again we’ve definitely

figured out your costume because you’re

obsessed with this subject

which and i always say dress how you

feel

dress for the job you want and the job

you want dr london more than being a

doctor is being a big old cigarette

yes okay well

and i who you might be that one day in a

in a future life

i don’t know who who i have no idea what

the future holds well

yeah i don’t want to be a cigarette

or asbestos because these

these are all sort of things i don’t

want to promote

you know what i mean oh okay

so while you’re wearing the asbestos

cigarette costume

you could be holding like a big red

circle with a line through it that’s

that’s better that’s a big step up

actually that’s that would be a clear

message

for smoking especially yeah

and i have like i have a huge big red

circle with a line through it it’s heavy

as hell

okay well it’s like 160

170 pounds saying so you’re gonna have

to be carrying that all night

but if you think about the conversations

it’s gonna start with people dr london

well in that i can just imagine us at

the hottest

party in town and oh

who is that over there it’s amanda bynes

and she’s eyeing you because she’s

saying

where did that big red heavy circle with

the line through it come from

and she’s gotta ask right well i feel

like i’ll just

if i decide to do that then i would

probably just make my own

you know what i mean since

uh since yours sounds cumbersome and

heavy

you’re not gonna get an equivalent

quality with any other brand

trust me oh this is harry’s

big red circle with the line through it

yeah

okay well anyway so trust me this cost

me a pretty penny

so management the prettiest painting

i’ve ever collected

management includes supportive care with

an emphasis on smoking cessation

avoidance of further asbestos exposure

pneumococcal and influenza vaccination

and um you know supplemental oxygen if

that’s

if that’s needed but uh

yeah smoking cessation is a point worth

emphasizing over and over

because it causes a lot of preventable

things

yeah you’re obsessed with it yeah well

that’s

you know it’s preventable so

anyway but we can we can move on from

there

[Music]

all right cameron you said that we have

a special guest today is that right

that’s right dr london this is the most

special guest

that has ever even stepped foot

into this studio dr london that’s even

wow

put an inch of their toe across the

threshold

it’s our special guest hello there hello

hi sorry you sound a little boy do you

take a drink of water or something you

sound a little

hoarse there well i’m i’m joe the bro

johnson and i have

a 90 year old’s voice box

implanted into my 20 year old bro body

oh yeah i was wondering i didn’t know

because i mean you look just fit as hell

and so when you were i mean when you

were struggling to even

just push words out i i was wondering

i mean does that hurt to talk like that

oh no

like this voice box has been talking for

90 years

i mean it could handle anything all the

best keggers

you know everything man okay well hello

joe the bro johnson uh my name is dr

londonsmith.com

so is an it’s a 90 year old

person’s vocal cords yes so just just to

give you some background

i had a kegger incident and my vocal box

was crushed

oh yeah totally

well you know long story short

you want the kegger to not drop on your

voice box

but one thing led to another thing and

my bros just like dropped it on my

throat yeah that does sound like it

would be a long story

yeah i don’t remember much of it i’m

glad you shortened it

it’s uh it’s on tick tock and it’s on

snapchat and everything

yeah anyways like i needed to get my

voice box replaced and

i went to you know on 41st street

um under the underpass the bus terminal

um there’s this guy who would do

replacements of any organ you want

and i went with the budget option you

know right

um oh you’re talking about dr ox yes

yeah dude i love that guy he’s so great

he’s the one who added my extra toe here

look

oh dude oh i’m thinking about getting a

seventh one too

that is so sick yeah it looks it looks

ill

oh yeah and i’ve i’ve been incredibly

sick since

since

it’s sick as hell yeah it’s ill

shoot you know the less green

it costs when he got the gang green

that’s what he always says

i’ve got that hanging up in my in my

garage office

heck yeah dude so i mean why did you end

up

with a 90 year old’s voice was that the

only option or is that something you

really wanted to do

you know like halloween’s around the

corner and i thought you know

i could be a zombro you know so

i just wanted like the oldest and

gnarliest guy’s

voice to be mine so i can like

scare all those sorority chicks you know

i mean

yeah if you really i mean that’s pretty

genius this is

sort of a weird question it’s sort of a

shot in the dark really but was your

voice

prior to this maybe not

as gnarly as as cool as that my voice

before this was like

like split down right down the middle

between mary poppins and the grinch and

oh wow it was just a horribly

you can’t place that voice you know so i

really love

that i’m totally like police

and the grinch that is that’s one of

those lines that

every time you try to walk it it’s gonna

be a tough walk

just the balance yeah they were like

are you gonna like chimp to marie or

like what you know

maybe that’s different yeah well i mean

your voice i i’m not as familiar

but at least you have you know the

maybe the the wisdom of a storyteller is

in your

is in your throat now yeah totally like

when i

start to lose consciousness it just

starts to talk about

you know the old war and stuff it’s

pretty creepy oh wait so you don’t have

full control over the vocal cords oh

like when i’m awake and you know i’m

totally here like this is me

but like if i could get another kegger

you know

i might just start saying some like

1920s [ __ ]

oh wow like what like yo

that that model t ford is lit

you know that wow yeah my my great

grandfather was

always talking about how lit those were

dr london have you seen this with all

the the

vocal chord transparency i’m not

you know i i’m not super familiar with

tran vocal cord transplant surgeries in

general

that doesn’t sound like because you’re

saying this is maybe a little too

radical that does make sense

dr ox who is you know my favorite

surgeon

he he does uh sort of live a little on

the wild side

i could say oh yeah with his totally

with his practice he said that

something about you know because it

it’s a signature to add some something

called

bovine dna in all his like subjects

i don’t know what that means but like

he’s like i’m an

ox and i’m going to make sure you’re

part ox

is this dr ox dr bovine is he

a licensed physician because that seems

to be the real

issue here he drove me back home so yeah

he’s got a license

yeah that makes sense so he he drove me

back home i guess

should i be more specific a medical

license and

it was like in an 18-wheeler i mean it

was like in the back of an 18 wheeler i

didn’t sit in the cab with him

but i mean so that that he’s going to

have a special license just for that so

it’s not even just a basic driver’s

license

oh yeah oh oh i i yeah he he has a

medical marijuana

okay so i guess

that’s what i’m a bit confused about so

um

so he’s it sounds like a back alley

surgery kind of thing and me and him

we watched a license to kill together

like the

james bond movie there you go so dr

london

okay you got great taste so speaking of

maybe you’re not like um

so our guest here joe the bro johnson

uh when he was coming in he uh

handed me this vhs copy of

the the heroic tale of joe the bro

johnson

and specifically the exploits of dr ox

and so it sounds like you’re promoting

back alley surgeries that could be

dangerous

well you could call it that way

but i look at it as a budget option

for the discerning american

and and

wow yeah doctor that is very true dr

london you work for a very expensive and

very elitist

industry and i mean people are

struggling right now dr london maybe

this is

a real solution and why do you

talk so down yeah because the surgeries

i find so much cool stuff

in my app lots of boxes of things

lots of sticky things lots of smelly

things

it’s just like an entire world of

adventure back there

and you’re over here from your from your

ivory tower

saying oh that stinks so bad

get it out of here it came from the

alley you’re talking down on it yeah

well

and that’s how you’ve been talking about

my extra toe

over and over again how about how old

stinks how it squirts stuff out

sometimes

you can’t look at it without throwing up

in your mouth because this is how you

view

alleys which are perfectly normal place

to hang out

just to add to that question earlier so

the vhs copy you handed me

was this part of like helping the cost

of the

because you said it was a low budget

surgery were you just

did you make a movie with about the

experience to

to offset the cost of the surgery yeah

so so there are two

general options here you could pay a

flat rate of 500.

or you could pay 50 bucks

and agree to appear in 10

videos just 10 of

you just doing random stuff and you know

i chose that option because i only had

50 bucks

okay and is there a reason why it’s

only because it says on here exclusively

available

on vhs yeah um it’s

it’s hard to get dvds nowadays

okay so yeah that’s true there’s a lot

of retro throwback

dr london i know you’re not you’re not

cool and with it and you have no idea

what’s going on in terms of pop culture

but yeah i mean if you took a look at

your back alley you might see a vhs

player or something

or something like that over there yeah

maybe instead of spitting on the people

hanging out in the back alley you talk

to them

and you’re gonna find out that yeah

they’ve still got top gun on on vhs

yeah i i guess okay so for me it’s not

so

difficult to believe that someone would

already have

a vhs tape it’s more that

they would want another vhs tape

you know like like why would you

advertise with that because i don’t know

if you’ve heard about

streaming technology are you kidding me

i have netflix and chill all the time

bro like

dude like dude you’re just like looking

down on me oh just because

just because i’m a backstreet kind of

person dr

london a backstreet boy i guess you

could say

yeah yeah backstreet bro yeah maybe you

could say that dr london and do you have

an

issue with that because it sounds like

you do oh i was

i was making a little joke about i’m not

cameron i know you don’t

listen to much music but that was

actually a band the backstreet boys

yeah we know you’re saying that joe the

bro here couldn’t be in a band as good

as the backstreet boys

god you’re so mean dr lennon i don’t

understand why you insist on being this

rude

yeah and i also want to say in terms of

in terms of paying dr ox he also does

take blue cross blue shield of arizona

yes he does okay so so insurance

companies

say okay to this just that

all right well um

[Music]

well this has all been very interesting

i feel like maybe

we could go ahead and like

i mean i want to hear what the video

like so you’re talking about making

these 10 videos

have you already have you already made

all 10 of them

i’m in the middle of the third one so

i think we’re looking at a brand new

kind of project you know where

we’re thinking next one’s gonna become a

mockumentary

like the office you know what i mean

yeah

it’s a ma it’s a monumentary of what

like you’re going to kick it you’re

going to get a kick out of this

okay it’s a mockumentary about elitist

doctors

oh yes that’s right

oh man then we just we just talk about

their foibles you know

like they’re people too yeah we’re

talking about like

oh uh oh that person’s not

you know what like i’m playing like an

evil character who uh

you know was maybe like this high and

looks like exactly like

this guy over here i’m pointing at dr

london

and he’s like oh oh anyone who doesn’t

have a

have a have a have a doctor’s coat is

stupid yeah yeah

like like five lamborghinis baby

i’m gonna run over all your uninsured

ass like there’s like a

there’s like a really [ __ ] character

in there

actually they’re all that way and

they’re doctors

and yeah and there’s no good ones all

doctors are bad

and is this uh i mean you you

you say you’re you’re like in the middle

of producing this video

i mean do you have people acting in it

do you like

what are the budgets for this like how

are you even shooting these

videos so

you know it might involve me

feigning interest in a podcast went

quick

okay so to help promote it you’re

this is a way to advertise to save money

on advertising

oh you just got brode oh dr

london so i’m reading this

this vhs copy ca is this the first one

you made

yeah where is there a problem because it

says

uh like the title is covering up a

botched

surgery and it’s got all these like

sort of i guess written out sound

effects like

haha or you know

good one blorch uh you know kind of like

the

sort of cartoon action uh blurbs

and it seems like maybe it’s

making light of the you know the the

severity of uh

malpractice i didn’t really think about

that

yeah but why would you think about that

who cares yeah it’s funny

yeah no that’s a good point uh i guess

i’m on tv that makes me really yeah i

guess

from my perspective oh i want to explore

a little more about

the the like the vocal transplant

surgery itself you have these new vocal

cords

you’ve got it for halloween it sounds

like you you just

got this recently right because the plan

was you know halloween’s around the

corner so

i gotta i gotta change this up right

exactly

yeah just just two weeks ago oh wow so

they’re

they’re nice and fresh so what’s the

plan after halloween do you have one

um i don’t know i think this could be

kind of a grungy santa claus

i like that for valentine’s day so wait

so like i’m

yeah i’m like a little kid i’m asking

for

a present let’s act this out real quick

hey okay hey grungy santa can can i get

a like a denim uh

vest you know like where the sleeves are

cut off and it’s got like

patches heck no bro just kidding

here it is you have it on you that’s

awesome i can’t dude

we can make anything happen

okay so okay a question answered i mean

that

you’ve got a you’ve got a huge future

ahead of you it sounds like

yeah it also sounds like joe the bro

johnson might

might very much believe in a very active

you know authentic santa claus which is

great and you know for all of our

listeners that’s that’s really that’s

good

what about valentine’s day oh yeah like

i’m gonna be one of those singing carol

like

grams you know like like i’ve got a

crossbow

and i’m just gonna i’m just gonna shoot

letters

like at the foot foots like right next

to the feet of the people they want the

valentine grams but the message is tied

on them

with a crossbow oh you mean like

like cupid’s crossbow

you just feel like a little gust of wind

and there’s like

an arrow stuck right in running right at

your feet

and this is oh it’s from

charlie and he loves you and like

you’re chicks or you’re in love now wow

so really i mean this isn’t just for you

you’re actually changing the world for

the better with your vocal chords yeah

man

like i got a long-term vision you know

just like you do with the seven toes

like that’s a great investment

well i think you know we don’t know what

the future’s gonna look like

and it’s been a tumultuou it’s been a

tumultuous year and oh yeah

i you know i think that making these

sort of dramatic

changes that that dr ox can offer

can really help us going forward in the

future like me adding additional toes

well guess what that’s going to help me

balance when the world

becomes uh you know there’s earthquakes

going on all the time

and we’re going whoa everyone else is

going whoa whoa and here i am with my

seven toes on one foot

just sipping just up in a little cup of

tea because i’m balancing so

well yeah and in your case you’ve got

this

old man voice you know in the future

when everyone

is gnarled by a nuclear explosions

you’re gonna fit right in with the

mutants yeah dude

like here’s the thing all right like

the economy is going to [ __ ] and

uh you know everyone’s gonna start

declaring bankruptcies

but guess what they can’t take away your

toes man

that’s illegal that’s so

true and they can’t take away your voice

exactly it’s it’s

it’s the first amendment bro and dr

london does this piss you off to hear

people being happy and planning for

their future

because you don’t approve of their

surgeon uh

i i just more don’t because the surgeon

might be a little different than you

i just don’t like you know unlicensed

physicians

practicing medicine in a way that could

be

unhealthy like for instance your toe is

just spraying now

like it’s not even leaking anymore

yeah it’s there’s a soft mist that come

that coming from the toe at any given

time

sure you don’t find that refreshing no

no it’s because it’s like it’s a thick

you call it a mist but it like it seems

to

like there is a launching part but

there’s also a gushing

i to me it’s

disconcerting it’s uncomfortable

but yeah it’s really it’s it’s more

like yeah not a mist in the sense of um

what you and i think of as the mist i’m

talking more like the stephen king’s the

mist

right okay so causing harm yeah and

there’s just like various things coming

out of it as it

sort of squirts out but this is i mean

dr london

you say that this is an issue and yet

i’m gonna be able to balance

i mean we’re talking about when the

world is taken over by the ocean

and we’re all living on surfboards and

that’s how we have to get around

and you’re going to be surfing from uh

from you know patients house to

patient’s house being like whoa

i can’t balance and i’m going to be just

sipping a little cup of tea tiniest

little cup of tea you’ve ever seen not

spilling a drop

on my seven toes yeah dude hang 14

that’s the future okay

well you know i feel like we’ve covered

a lot today

but maybe it’s about time um so we’ve

we’ve kind of have these chores to do ah

yeah you’re right we should do the tour

wheel

oh i i’ll go ahead and explain it to you

joe the bro we’ve actually just kind of

been putting off

all of our uh errands and chores and

duties over the last year just because

we were lazy

yeah and um tv was on

and we couldn’t figure out how to turn

it off so anyway so we’ve just had this

huge stack of things to do

on our to-do list so we’re just trying

to knock off one

each week just knock a new thing off the

to-do list

get it over with so dr london can you go

ahead and

spin that wheel our chore wheel

all right and an up pumpkin carving

contest

okay oh yeah pumpkin carving contest

that that actually kind of works

perfectly

i’m glad we didn’t get this one like two

months ago

you know okay i guess it’s left over

from last year or something because

uh so so the county fair the local

county fair here

uh was shut down like they couldn’t have

a fair this year

and it’s such a highlight for the

community that

you know we’ve been asked by the event

organizers to

go ahead and host our own pumpkin

carving

contest and so now we can just

between the three of us we can you know

critique each other’s

note you know the i guess the winning

points first the others

so this is based on as we all know it’s

based on

size it’s based on craft debates on

creativity

so we’re going to take into account all

of these aspects

whenever we judge each other’s uh

pumpkins

okay okay so i’m i mean we just got to

get to carving

now right okay oh yeah i mean so yeah

yeah let’s just let’s just hop to it

ready set and we have uh

i guess dj dylan might want to speed

this up because

this is about a day-long process to do

it properly

okay here we go

here it goes there you go oh that looks

nice

yeah nice

one day later

[Music]

crap that’s good

great all right and

yeah cherry on top did you guys

you know do you feel okay about how your

stuff turned out whoa

oh yeah i’m super confident i’m gonna

win this thing wait is it competition

yes okay good okay

all right uh i guess we’ll start with

okay so

so cameron what for yours

if i could ask a question about what i

what i’m seeing

okay yeah yeah go ahead yeah so this

year you made the choice that you’ve

made in

past years where it looks

like you’ve you tried to carve a

watermelon instead

of a of a pumpkin what was your what was

your thought process there

well you know i think people always

associate

a halloween with orange yeah and i just

feel like that’s a really limiting color

and i don’t look good in orange

so i’m trying to add a little more color

and a little more spice into the holiday

and so i’ve been settling with different

fruits obviously you remember a couple

years

ago when i carved a pear right um

and then i mean probably the worst one

was when i was trying to

uh trying to carve a tomato which is

technically a fruit dr london yeah well

i think your worst one was the year

whenever you tried to carve

a bowl of pudding because

like that to me wasn’t even within the

realm you know it wasn’t a

fruit or a vegetable at all yeah and i’m

still i still

am cleaning pudding out of uh my

backpack

yeah okay and so just it just can’t

it just won’t come up and so as yes i

chose a watermelon i’m sorry if that

disturbs you

well i just but uh i mean what about

what about the actual carving itself dr

london

yeah so i um and joe the brother feel

free to comment on here but what i what

i think i’m seeing

is a very intricately

carved uh flea circus

is that is that what i’m seeing yeah you

can see a lot of moving parts

this is cool he

yeah i mean to say it’s a flea

circus i’m not exactly sure because i

don’t know what’s moving it and i didn’t

mess with it like i didn’t start moving

those things or

set anything there’s definitely a bunch

of small things crawling all over it

okay oh that is interesting because yeah

i just made like a bunch of little

circus

kind of fun little circus toys and

whatnot and and just kind of shove that

wait wait a second

but then when they started moving around

i was like oh this this is even better

how old

is this watermelon

uh i mean how old can a watermelon be

so do you just mean it’s like very old i

guess because cameron

you do realize so each of us has a fresh

pumpkin

yeah you had to find your own watermelon

for this i don’t know where you got it

oh i’ve been holding on to it i found

the perfect one

when oh gosh it was probably like

2 000 um

owl city was on the radio well there’s a

there’s a borders receipt

stuck to this watermelon the bookstore

borders

yeah i mean that’s where that’s where i

get most of my oh god

this this is that this is at least like

10 years old man

yeah it’s fine well do you want to slice

we eat this after we carve it right

yes

okay well and just to clarify one thing

just for our listeners um so a flea

circus

is sort of this old-fashioned idea where

you would have

what looks like a miniature circus done

by fleas but

the idea is that fleas are so small like

you can’t actually

see them very well so it’s really small

contraptions that are electronic

machinery moving around on their own

made to look like

fleas are performing but for cameron’s

it appears

that it’s it’s a legitimate flea circus

because he it was more of a hands-off

approach

yeah and you know it’s all natural yeah

yeah that that i think i can give to you

here

and carbon neutral so i i gotta say i

think yours might be

kind of disqualifying not because you

know

of of those positive things but probably

because it’s not a pumpkin

no i think you’re just you’re splitting

hairs here

let’s move on i want to i want to see uh

joe the bros pumpkin

yeah joe the bro let’s look at yours

yeah so

yeah as you can see um

yeah there’s a there’s a there’s a

there’s a

real finger on on the top of this

yeah that looks incredible where did you

how did you

carve the pumpkin to look like a real

finger

here’s a twist it’s it’s it’s my finger

oh okay so the carving for you maybe

got out of hand yeah yeah well

in my mind got

out of shape i guess

yeah yeah it’s kind of funny but also

i wish you’d said something because well

we should put that on ice instead of

incorporating it well well you know

dr ox has a lot of great fingers on

selection so

i don’t i don’t need i don’t need oh

yeah you know

that yeah you can replace that with like

a monkey finger or really anything you

want like a

you can get one that’s super big or

super small

but i guess my question with your with

your pumpkin is

that seems to be all you did

yeah yeah it just seems like a finger

it’s a i mean is it even taped to the

pumpkin or is it just resting on top of

it

kind of still dripping it’s just it’s

just kind of

resting on that stem-like nub that

pumpkin’s coming yeah the pumpkin nub

so what i’m let me know if i’m correct

on this

did you just start carving cut your

finger right off the bat

and then maybe pass out from the

you know the shock of it and then woke

up and we were

already judging whoa

that’s a perfect diagnosis it’s like

you’re a doctor or something oh

yeah it’s just there’s there’s a pool of

blood and

there’s your finger and no progress made

on the pumpkin

are you sure you’re not sherlock holmes

damn dude but i mean that’s not none of

this is disqualifying

so forget dr london’s judgments and

diagnosis

and all those things i mean as we can

see right now we’ve got

my flea circus watermelon and we’ve got

the

the i mean do you have a name for your

for your presentation

oh yeah numero uno numero

uno oh man that might actually trick the

judges into voting number one

all right well dr london let’s look at

yours

okay and okay to clarify first it’s a

pumpkin carving contest

okay so so no one so far has managed to

carve a pumpkin again splitting hairs

now let’s see let’s see what you got

okay all right

there it is okay pretty good

pretty good pretty

i mean what is it yeah okay it’s

i mean so i i did overshoot a little bit

is that supposed to look like a person

yeah and um not an effigy

just a person uh-huh um

but yeah so uh it’s

you know one of my personal heroes oh

i’ve just never seen a someone look that

disgusting yeah

okay i guess it’s halloween so i guess

that that works

is the person dead is is it the is it

how they look like in the grave yeah is

this after they’ve been rotting

for maybe a couple weeks

yeah so this is einstein

like how he currently is what’s the

thing coming out of his mouth

well you know he makes that that silly

face with his tongue

that smile that kind of thing like a

weird growth

yes yeah so i mean he’s been dead a long

time and things have grown

into and around him i assume so

uh i mean anyway i gotta think this is

disqualified right

yeah this this is very disrespectful

it’s very disrespectful it’s very ugly

it’s very gross

right yes i’m the only one who who

carved a pumpkin

for the pumpkin carving contest yeah but

you didn’t you didn’t

follow the spirit of the assignment

you know you’re just following the

letter of the law oh it’s a pumpkin and

i

carved something yeah right

and you know my mom calls me pumpkin so

i technically

did pumpkin carving too yeah

and i don’t know the difference between

a watermelon and a pumpkin so

technically like from a scientific

standpoint

i did carve a pumpkin yeah

i think we’re all we’re all in the

running again

yeah except for you dr london i don’t i

can’t i don’t know what to call this

yeah to call this a pup

could i rename mine real quick sure go

ahead

okay sure swamp moss monster swamp

monster

oh i see that now that’s it yeah that’s

that’s a total swamp monster

that’s i mean all right you did a

terrible job but i i i see what you’re

going for

okay okay it’s a small monster that

looks exactly like i

yeah see now you can’t stop thinking it

looks like einstein still don’t

understand the growth coming out of his

mouth like that

but you know what have you seen

you know what i’m just gonna i’m gonna

let it go you know you’re still

you’re still a kid you’re growing up so

it’s not gonna be perfect i understand

that

yeah good good job pal yeah good job kid

good job bud

yeah i get i guess thank you um so i

guess that

uh so we’ll just submit these to the

judges

and so the way we do that if i remember

yeah okay so the instructions here say

uh catapults we put

yeah we can’t we put them all in the

backpack as you said earlier

put that in the the catapult and then

because we want to keep our distance um

just launch it

and uh we should get the results

depending on what survives because

that’s how that’s part of the context

yeah what’s the list that’s the

catapulting

dylan can you crank up the catapult yes

and here i’ll type in the configurations

latitude and longitude

all right and distance and

angle and max height

and velocity

and color of backpack let’s go ahead and

select

like a let’s do like a green camo one

remember the year when they didn’t have

the color put in i know

and then let’s go ahead and do let’s uh

let’s get something embroidered on it um

let’s do our initials so we’ll just do

all of our initials

okay just monogram yeah jbj

jbj uh okay

and then all right now we’re gonna

choose the strap color

okay let’s see it’s a brown i think that

goes good with the green camera

fuchsia i want i want fuchsia okay we’ll

go fuchsia so we’re gonna go

fuchsia on the backpack strap color

okay and now we’re gonna go zipper speed

i’m gonna say medium because i think

sometimes when it’s too fast you can

kind of like

get your finger caught in it yeah that’s

true

and yeah i think that’s that’s probably

enough detail

okay to work with all right dj dylan hit

the catapult button

oh and there it goes

oh okay there was a bird in the way

my finger hit the bird that’s ironic

that is

okay well i feel like we’ve we’ve made a

lot of progress today

um all right i guess now’s the time to

sort of let’s let’s wrap things up uh

thank you

to oh do we have to do we close the door

shut down the chore wheel

i think we just we shoot it until it

stops spinning

okay do dylan can you shoot the chore

wheel

oh there we go oh wow

that’s that’s tough to see okay

um all right well thank you

everyone who came here today uh thank

you to

joe the bro johnson um

do you have any uh any way for you know

listeners to

follow you to to hear what’s you know to

keep up with you

oh yeah um joe five legs

on twitter

okay all right and um

hey let’s see here’s our producer

cameron thank you

for helping us out today absolutely dr

london and uh real quick we’ve got to

figure out your costume

and i already got the answer for you dr

london i know where you’re going ass

we’ve brought him up so many times

and he you know you said he was a hero

of yours

and i know he’s a hero of mine too

it’s dr ox you gotta go as dr ox i think

everyone will think that’s super cool

everyone at the party is gonna think

that’s just a laugh riot

and obviously as you know he wears sort

of

i wouldn’t call it a poncho

because it doesn’t have arm holes like a

poncho

it’s more like a receptacle liner

does that make sense yeah well

i you know i’m not like

einstein was the hero i mentioned no

you said like something about like a

genius guy

and some sort of growth coming out of

his mouth and that i mean these two

things describe

dr ox okay

uh i guess you know we’ll wait and see

what what it looks like

um you know i might be busy on saturday

you know what i mean

so i don’t maybe i won’t know what you

mean

okay but all right well anyway thank you

to our producer cameron uh thank you

once again to joe the bro johnson for

thank you on the podcast thank you too

teacher dylan the hoes

[Music]

[Applause]

i’m joe the bro johnson and i

have a 90 year old voice spot

[Music]

body

between mary poppins

my name is london smith and this has

been

the jock doc podcast see ya

[Music]

you paddle out from the shore adjusting

with the paddle

just so in order to be in the dead

center of the pond

after all if you plan to haunt this

thing with your ghost

you cannot be asymmetrical about it you

stop

to write that down in your ghosting

journal yes

yes your ghost will hate asymmetry

brilliant stuff

as you mentally prepare to jump in the

water

while holding a rock and making it a

point to not hold a big breath

you panic the unfinished business

ah you fumble through your belongings

grinning as you imagine them floating

around the pond when you become a ghost

and you fish out your game boy you have

one more match

before beating the pokemon league and

you make it a point to

save there without playing any more

with that unfinished business remarkably

incomplete

you try to stand up in the boat lose

your balance

and you fall into the water making you

lose confidence in yourself

wishing to be a very confident ghost you

decide

to try again tomorrow speaking of doing

things with confidence

don’t forget to leave a five star review

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