Hey kids you’re about to listen to

comedy podcasts that means that none of this

is medical advice if you need medical

advice or medical care please contact

your doctor

welcome to the jock doc podcast

featuring

dr london smith he can run for miles

and he’s done clinical trials he’s the

jock doc

introducing your host

[Music]

hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast

where we discuss fitness and health and

how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring

i’m your host dr londonsmith.com

i would like to begin by apologizing to

our listeners

we received some feedback about the

excessive amount of technical medical

terms that i’ve been using

such as stippled epiphysis and upon a

slitted sheet

i sit so i’ll try to temper my

terminology to a simpler one in the

future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron hi dr london hi there

how was your uh how was your weekend it

was all right i mean

you know i didn’t uh you know it wasn’t

all planned

what happened but um you know it was

yeah but you you definitely reacted like

it was planned

yeah so like yeah so as you know i’ve

i’ve been

sort of taking up these clinical trials

i know for the for the vaccine

people you know we’re all doing these

clinical trials you know to try out the

vaccine

yes and so i thought why stop there

yeah normally i’m giving out the

medicine because you

the the trials you’re going on have

nothing to do with the vaccine you’re

just interjecting

that right now because it’s kind of

sounds like a moral high ground

well it’s like it sounds like noble and

just that you’re doing these

clinical trials yes i mean i guess the

reason i introduced it that way is

because

i it wasn’t even on my radar to do a

clinical trial

like yeah like any of these beforehand

so

these trials you’ve been telling me

about are weird dr london i

like i know the word trial can mean a

lot of different things but a

i don’t think a courthouse should be

involved and

b the like time the hunting time trials

that you guys do

yeah where it’s like oh you’re given

three minutes to bag as many

rabbits as possible i i don’t understand

that part at all okay yeah and well and

you know i guess you’re not a doctor i

guess is the short answer there but um

damn son yeah that is true

and i guess i should specify so some of

these clinical trials that i’ve done

um are ones where i sign up to be hunted

and then other ones are where someone

else signs up to be hunted so it’s not

it’s not all one thing you’re kind of

painting broad strokes here i want to

clarify these clinical trials are you

know

that it varies by whichever trial but

i just i hadn’t even thought about doing

a clinical trial until

i kept getting all these advertisements

for the the vaccine

well it’s like that short story the most

dangerous catch

is is that the one where they go uh hunt

crabs

at sea so yeah they’re on this huge

fishing boat

and basically one of the crabs is so big

that it’s hunting the people

so the tables have turned right

yeah it’s one of those things where i i

feel so unplugged sometimes like i just

yeah i’m surprised because yes we do

do most of these outs out at sea and

international waters

um just to there are a lot of legal

things that you can

really get around that way uh to do

these clinical trials

yeah so when you asked how my weekend

was

uh it yeah so the ship did sink

but i made it back ashore so i’d like to

think that um

it was it wasn’t exactly according to

plan it was a successful trial yeah oh i

made it back

and that was i guess what you guys were

testing

yeah safety it was a test of safety oh

okay

so so they’re it’s different phases of

clinical trials so

the first phase of a given clinical

trial is going to be

safety and then you test efficacy

right so this one is saying like can

this pill be taken

if you’re on a sinking boat yeah i i

will say

it was just can this bill be taken

because the boat

oh yeah that was the part that you know

people don’t know this but

testing medicine and is very similar to

how

you know cavemen back in the day would

would test like different types of

mushrooms to see

what’s poisonous and what’s not and by

that i mean you just

you just take them no one knows what’s

going to happen at first

and then you whittle it down like the

the trials usually start with

you have like 300 pills and you’re just

kind of trying them

and different things are gonna happen

and then you whittle out like well these

make this thing grow

these make this thing go away this stops

this thing

to some extent this is you know we’re

getting a little bit into pharmacology

here which is

a bit complex for where we’re at i just

yeah just to make clear

just it was just the first phase the

clinical trial so it’s not

okay well you know well i’m thank you

for telling me about your weekend yeah

you know i i don’t

you know i don’t normally try to talk

about my personal life so much um

yeah but of course well because most of

it lately has just been this

yeah so yeah we’ve been a lot of well

i sometimes i tell people it’s vacation

but really yes

it’s just going out to to see to swallow

a pill

and um see if i make it back

yep also known as the ultimate trial

so um anyway so that was our producer

cameron

uh also with us is digital in the hose

clinical trial

[Applause]

i’ve been sort of taking up these

clinical trials i know for the vaccine

they’re all doing these clinical trials

i’ve been sort of taking up these

clinical trials i know for the vaccine

you’re all doing these clinical trials

i’ve been sort of taking up these

clinical trials i know for the vaccine

they’re all doing these clinical trials

i’ve been sort of taking up these

clinical trials it wasn’t even on my

radar to do

a clinical trial clinical trial

clinical trial

[Music]

clinical trial

i’ve been sort of taking up these

clinical trials i know for the vaccine

they’re all doing these clinical trials

i’ve been sort of taking up these

clinical trials it wasn’t even on my

radar to do

a clinical trial

and later cameron tells me that we can

expect a special guest

so uh that’s right dr london i mean i

have to assume

every week someone shows up and is a

guest usually you

you find them somewhere right like you

well i definitely have been telling you

that

but i would say at least half the weeks

i say that we have a guess and i have no

idea what’s gonna happen and thank god

someone just drops by

okay yeah like because there are

definitely times whenever people were in

full

you know pizza delivery uniform and i

mm-hmm

i thought okay is this a doctor and but

they they do turn out usually to be

pizza delivery dr

okay but before i move on i would like

to address a bit of listener feedback

i found this note written in um it’s

it was written on my big white fence

that is to say it’s

it’s written on the big white guy i know

who sells stolen goods

the note reads quote that was not me

deborah had the rash

and she is telling everyone it was me i

do not affiliate with her

and her rash you take someone to the

doctor to be helpful and this is what

you get

lesson learned tell deborah end quote

so first of all thank you for reaching

out to us at the draw talk podcast

um i don’t always read what’s written on

my fence

i’ll say that now um yeah but it sounds

like one of your patients

brought in a friend or family member who

had a rash and

they’re mad that you helped them that’s

that’s that’s what i’m getting at

it’s it is granted my patients do know

that the best way to communicate you

know some people do it through

a sort of a patient portal messaging

system

for me it is you know

put it into your newspaper uh like

crossword puzzles license plates that

kind of thing

but um this one was a little bit more

direct in that it’s written on

the the fence that i know who sells the

stolen goods um

so anyway i guess they’re just

correcting me on this this little note

that i need to make in their chart where

uh so deborah is the one who has

the the rash so yeah and so i mean they

have a good point like

you you always take care of these

patients when they come in

but you never even consult their friends

and family to see like is this actually

the best option for them

in terms of my treatment plan yeah

like she comes in with a rash but like

did you even consult any of her friends

or like her fans maybe she has fans of

whether or not that rash is an important

part of her personality

right okay i hadn’t considered that i i

i have to feel as if

hipaa could be violated there but not if

it’s through email

people don’t know that hippa only

applies if it’s if you’re like on the

phone

okay or if you’re in person but if you

email someone it doesn’t matter

because that could be a hacker on the

you can’t prove that it’s not using

it could be a hacker if it’s on the

phone or if it could be a hacker if it’s

through email through emails that you

can just say it was a hacker oh

okay you can do that with anything you

have to easy out is what you’re saying

you have an excuse okay yeah that’s why

if i try to break up with someone but i

want to like

maybe keep it open i’ll do it through

email so that way if i want to take it

back the next day i can say that was a

hacker

and they’ll be like how did the hacker

know so many of the specifics about my

family

and i would say oh i don’t know maybe he

must have hacked your

your journals yeah okay i

i feel like i mean that that that’s

a lot about your personal so so you’ve

broken up with people

via email just wording it kind of like a

spam email just in case

yes yeah changing font sizes a lot of

click

here but like it it’s different

letters are high are clickable yeah the

whole word

this does just sound like your average

email in general so

it’s i guess that makes sense okay

um anyway to that listener thank you for

listening and for submitting your

feedback

uh now for today’s medical topic

cavernous hemangiomas

cavernous hermangiomas are vascular

tumors that are usually

small and asymptomatic they are the most

common type of benign liver tumor

so as the size of the tumor increases as

can happen due to pregnancy or use of

oral contraceptives

these symptoms increase and uh they may

include

right upper quadrant abdominal pain or

mass

this is kind of crazy i just read a book

about this

it was like a spy thriller but like i

just read a book about this so i i might

actually interject here every once in a

while with my own

sort of you know maybe controversial

takes on this

subject cavernous because

because this isn’t a super long subject

so i but

it’s cavernous hemangiomas you you’ve

read a book about it

and it was a spy thriller this benign

liver tumor yeah no it was i

oh it’s got to be like a grisham or

something like

that and i think it was about a guy who

was a doctor but it was also a spy i

don’t know i don’t remember

a lot of it but i just read a book about

this so i feel pretty educated on the

subject

okay you go ahead with your eyes i’m not

trying to get it right i’m just saying

i’m going to interject sometimes with

maybe some controversial opinions okay

uh so complications of cavernous

hemangiomas

uh they’re uncommon but if the tumor is

very large

they could it could rupture and that

could you know hemorrhage it could cause

obstructive

jaundice uh coagulopathy congestive

heart failure secondary to a large av

shunt uh gastric outlet obstruction

and this is all you know with most

benign tumors it’s like this where

the bigger it gets the more it can block

or obstruct or

you know cause problems simply because

of size

well and it’s interesting that you

mentioned that dr london because if you

look at the broader

picture of sort of the larger scale of

sort of how

these sort of medical aspects affect

different

sized communities but also

sort of the places yeah

where so and i i hate to interrupt you

there because it sounds

uh-huh it’s time to go and kind of sort

of macro with this idea

i told you it might be a little

controversial

and so i like i thought this show was a

little more free than that but i

understand you don’t want to you don’t

want to turn people off i get it

so anyway uh for cavernous hemangiomas

you can diagnose with ultrasound or ct

scan with iv

contrast uh biopsy is actually

contraindicated

because of risk of rupture and

hemorrhages

most cases do not require treatment uh

consider resection if the patient is

symptomatic or if there’s a high risk of

rupture and once again that can help

with large tumors

but uh well and see this is an

interesting point because if you

if you focus on you the hot you talk

about

high but that ends up being sort of like

relative when you look at

sort of a larger scale aspect of

different demographics

and you look at sort of like the

different ways they sort of

when you sort of turn it on it’s on its

edge

so you’re when you sort of i i i feel

like you’re

maybe going epidemiological about it but

once again this is a

you know it’s just a benign vascular

tumor in the liver

it’s not it’s very interesting yeah okay

well

do you and this is the kind of back and

forth that i’m glad that we can have on

this podcast freely

yeah yeah this controversial

back and forth and like i hate to

interrupt you maybe we can return to it

but you want to move on

for now that’s fine that’s fine okay

all right uh cameron you said that we

have a guest today is that right

that’s right dr london or again i have

to assume i have to assume

when i’m gonna turn around right here

there will be someone in the guest chair

yeah okay

um so do we want to do that right now

ooh uh yeah no no i think i’m ready

okay okay one

two three what

whoa greetings gentlemen hello

see i told you dr london it’s all it

always works out okay

yeah just like my my clinical trials uh

well hello there my name is dr london

smith.com and this is our producer

cameron

what was your name hello dr london hello

cameron

my name is dr charabril byrne hello

doctor

great uh you know great job cameron

normally we don’t

uh we don’t have as many doctors on here

as i would like

so um i’m a psychoanalyst okay okay

that’s and i can already tell this from

the first 12 minutes of your podcast

that

the two of you have relationship

problems that run deep

that is definitely true i mean yeah

there’s i have

there’s no reason to deny that at all

wow this is uh

this guy sucks okay it’s

who me no you mean jack london

oh yeah dr london is just it’s just

sucks is probably maybe too harsh what’s

a different way to say it

is there a way to affirm your feelings

without hurt and hate i don’t think

that’s possible

yeah that’s gonna be difficult but we

could say maybe

like i think if it was a group setting

of maybe like 30 or 40 people

maybe that’s how our relationship should

be going forward

you so you’re saying you want to be

exposed what is it you want to expose

cameron

ooh what do i want to expose well

so there is this one thing so my

grandfather

was sort of around when jfk was shot

and i don’t want to say that he was like

involved

as much as just he he doesn’t want to

talk about that day

cameron you gotta look inside

close your eyes okay

i’m closing my eyes picture the grassy

and all

is your grandpa there uh yes

well then i think he was probably part

of the assassination

yeah you know in his defense his grandpa

loves grassy knolls like every

every saturday he goes to that same

grassy knoll and i don’t know if that’s

remembering or if it’s just enjoying

because grassy knolls

historically are nice places to visit he

just likes to roll around

on it and you know i love the grassy

knoll you know we

dr lynn and i have visited dallas a few

times and i like how that site just has

a big

ugly yellow like like sign

that just says the grassy knoll that

cost maybe 15

and that’s how that city recognizes

a very historic location you think they

decorate it more or say something a

little more significant

you think there would be i think there’s

a plaque and a statue and then there’s a

guy

there every single day passing out

conspiracy pamphlets i i think which is

all of this is very very true

what would help for me is if every year

they put in another grassy knoll for

every year

since this mystery went unsolved that’s

what

what would benefit me i think like

talking to london that’s ridiculous that

the city would be full of grassy knolls

i mean what’s it been

50 some years yeah but the think i mean

from from your accent it sounds like

you’re probably from across the pond

where where there are many

grassy knolls that’s true ireland’s

chalk full of grassy knolls yeah so so

what if

you know we brought a little bit of

ireland brought that irish charm to

this area where jfk was shot yeah and

it’s a really good idea

yeah see and i you know i hate to shoot

my own horn on this but i’ve been

i’ve been campaigning on this for a

while that let’s get more grassy knolls

just throughout dallas let’s replace

some of these streets that are so

dark and gray with a grassy well in some

of these schools some of these museums

some of these like bars and restaurants

yeah

the skyscrapers well and you think like

all these restaurants and stuff have had

to remain

closed or under weird operating hours

because of covid

but if they were just all grassy knolls

you can’t control that

anything that happens on a grassy knoll

is legal basically because it’s not

owned by

anyone yeah yeah legally

it’s natural land i’m just saying that

my grandfather was around

i probably and he seems to uh

hide a lot of different things but what

really

what does your grandpa hide um

his drinking problem and

uh the fact that he had probably killed

jfk

those are the two main things and they

may be related

i would say so i would say that there

was probably a lot of

uh the venn diagram there is pretty kind

of just one big circle

but why are we talking about me doctor i

want to get to know you who what brings

you here

today uh dr jack london a fellow doctor

emailed me

and um uh i decided hell i’ll come on

and talk about whatever they want to

talk about

okay yeah this okay so that doctor

does we dr jack london and i have

communicated quite a bit

um dr lund it’s it’s another dr london

uh has

repeated to me over and over that i

should be psychoanalyzed so

and cameron i didn’t think it would come

today much less during the podcast so i

you know

i i apologize because this is on me to

some extent i didn’t schedule a formal

appointment or anything

once again my fault um but i guess

oh this is fine this is great i think

this is long overdue

yeah so um i guess if we’re all

i i i guess it’s it’s time for me to to

start

sort of sharing my things um yes share

away that’s what i’m here for

okay so i guess i’ll start you know

similar to where camera started because

both of us kind of have grandpa issues

uh so my grandpa um

he’s always denying um

his involvement in any war now

uh i’ve you know i’m always

you know trying to honor our veterans

and everything and i try to honor my

grandpa but he denies having been in any

war

and i can’t prove it yet but i i’m

almost positive he was in a war

maybe too yes well he’s always

vacationing in

areas where a war just started okay yeah

okay

yes this is uh he’s usually there like

the day before a war starts and is there

for maybe three months afterwards on

vacation yeah

and it’s it’s one of those things where

um

you know you don’t want to draw

conclusions necessarily especially about

your own grandpa but it is one of those

things

where just like whenever you see maybe

an ethical or a hipaa violation by a

fellow doctor

you do start to consider maybe it’s time

to

um call attention to what what needs

attention

because accountability is important uh

in medicine so what what are you what

are you getting you’re saying a lot of

words but what what

what’s what’s your issue here you your

grandfather’s too badass for you

i just well like you said i he may be

starting

the wars um now

once again he he won’t even admit that

he’s been to war at all

yeah and so so

and maybe your suspicion is right

because i’m debating now did he fight in

a war or did he just was it more of a

diplomatic

situation where he started the wars i’m

talking about um

you know uh whenever whenever russia

moved territories all those years ago or

just a few years ago in what 2014 uh the

the crimean

area all of that my grandpa was there

when he was hanging out with with like

the archduke franz ferdinand

yeah like the day before i should say

that was my great grandfather but yes

that was right yeah there’s like

pictures of them there’s like selfies of

them

hanging out and stuff which i just

thought that was kind of you know

uh dr dr burns credit here i

i i am afraid that some of this may be

genetic

you know there’s a nature versus nurture

aspect and i was wondering uh-huh

dr burn do you see how distraught i’ll

tell you what i see

i see two guys sitting there with deep

seated grandpa

issues that they haven’t worked out your

grandpas have caused wars

possibly the assassination of jfk you’ve

got to look inside

and see how does it make you feel that

your grandpa’s a

whole history of grandpas are evil men

it just makes me feel like i haven’t

lived up to my potential are you

implying that you might try to start a

war yourself

no i don’t that’s the thing is like i

have no i don’t have the

i don’t know the gumption the the the

desire to put in the effort to pull off

like a

huge assassination it’s just i’d rather

i just rather watch

tv you know what i mean like i’m lazy

and that that kind of bums me out you

know it makes me feel bad

well cameron you’ve got to think you’re

mixing up

what you see as laziness with being a

morally responsible citizen

that’s good you don’t want to want to

start wars well

what okay i feel like enough of

maybe it’s just my family history but

like to some extent i’m kind of

cameron karen has a very odd approach to

these things where he will

intentionally try to bumble into

starting conflict

uh so he won’t i don’t think cameron

would assassinate anyone but

would he you’re saying when i go on

bumble and match with

people and then start yelling at them

and you’ve

that’s just funny that’s just fun yeah

well it’s just

start accusing them of things you know

it starts out small is i’m sorry

dr byrne this is your profession more

than mine but in my opinion

you know he starts small with dating

apps when you escalate the conflict

further

then could that it could lead to a

an assassination yeah or welcome you’ve

got to ask yourself

why why are you bumbling and then

yelling at the people what

relationship from your past are you

recreating oh man

what relationship in my past am i

recreating i don’t know

unless we get the help we need we

recreate the same relationships over and

over

yeah that was freud said that that’s

right so

i i don’t know i would say maybe like my

relationship with my

dog or my relationship with my

pool like i have a i have a contentious

relationship with my pool

how so can well the skimmer keeps

getting a bunch of leaves in it

and again i i want to reiterate how lazy

i am so i don’t like

cleaning that out super frequently and

you’re supposed to do it like all the

time

and i feel like the pulpits are no

effort to just take care of that stuff

on its own

well you gotta ask yourself cameron what

relationship are you recreating with

your pool

what significant figure in your life was

messy that you couldn’t clean up because

of your laziness wow okay this is big

yeah this is huge okay i guess my

relationship with

dr london exactly

he i mean it’s true i’m constantly

trying to fix him

and fix just whatever the hell is going

on over there

and i don’t like swimming in his pool

and yeah most it’s mostly pool related

it’s mostly

dragging him in the pool and then sort

of trying to teach him how to swim that

way

people say like the best way to teach

someone how to swim is just throw them

in the pool

i keep doing that dr london keeps saying

i know how to swim

but it doesn’t fix anything doctor i

don’t i don’t know what i’m doing

anymore you know

you got to ask yourself where does it

come from this urge to repeatedly throw

dr london in the pool

what is it that you’re covering up with

this addictive behavior to tossing dr

london in the pool

yeah teaching me to swim i would think

that’s more of an excuse

since you know that i know how to swim

and like

like at bet like i’m holding electronics

sometimes but aside from that it’s

it’s pretty just annoying so what’s

yeah what is this underlying issue i

guess the

the feeling i’d be having is

anger okay and usually hunger because

sometimes he’ll

he will be eating something and i’ll i

don’t want to

take it from him because that would be

rude but if i make it wet and make it

where he can’t eat it

then that makes me feel good so you

enjoy eating wet food

no no i don’t no one eats it but it’s

just the fact that i’m taking it away

from him

makes me feel really good and that’s

just the foundation of our relationship

i think that’s something really special

i would say maybe you don’t have to be

embarrassed about

the times whenever you have given in and

eaten the wet food

i don’t think that that’s you know you

have it’s not like you do it every time

but

you know whenever well yeah if it’s like

a cookie or something that you would

like dip in milk yeah who cares if it’s

if it’s just soaking wet and it’s just

sort of a pile of mush that i’m scooping

into my

to my mouth like a baby cameron you’re

trying to

revert and mush in your mouth like a

baby

whoa that would explain a lot of my

recent behavior

in terms of i throwing fits in

restaurants i threw my keys at the

waitress the other day

yes you’re reverting and just because i

was cranky

and um

yeah i mean i watched peppa pig for like

13 hours it was just the same episode

that was yesterday you fully reverted

is that good nope you’re not saying if

any of this is good or bad

that’s not my job to morally judge i’m

here to draw out of you the answers you

know are true deep down

okay so i mean i’m comfortable with all

of this

well then i guess you don’t need therapy

yeah i mean

wow i refuse to change i guess i should

have probably stated that up front

dr london though he needs to be fixed

yeah i

i guess i’m glad that we’ve been

focusing on cameras made it easier for

me but

the reason why you’re here is dr jack

london

um you know really impressing it upon

you to

seek me out and uh

i you know i we could just talk about

cameron’s pool thing though like that

sounds easier than

uh i’m confused are you dr jack london

or not

oh oh okay no i’m not dr

jack london i’m doctor londonsmith.com

but you’re friends with dr jack london

but you’re friends with dr jack london

that’s right

yes okay yes and so and i understand how

confusing it is because we are both dr

london to whatever extent yes but um

well that’s something you

might want to think about doctor smith

so having a first name like london think

about the significant weight that

carries with it one of the greatest

cities in the world

that’s true i you know the the british

empire and all that and i’ve

you know then the history of

colonization and that’s

okay i guess maybe this is the point

that we we need to get at so

um a lot of people just

are named normal names for me

i bear the burden of you know the

militaristic con

conquests that uh colonizing

and yeah you’re taking down the sins of

the city of london you feel that one

that’s right jack the ripper

yes pierce morgan yes

yes that’s probably the heaviest of all

the burdens

s club seven i don’t know what that is

who’s the pop band

a british pop band that i think had one

song basically in

1997 oh okay and

dr london i have to imagine you feel

that kind of like

pressure yeah no it’s the shame the

sophomore

slump is just sort of resting on your

shoulders every morning when you get up

maybe it’s one of those things like i

can really you know

uh when i’ve met people named paris you

know whenever i

i read uh you know those uh the

mythology books you know the the paris

character

invading troy whatever these characters

i relate to

but if they don’t have a city in their

name i

i just don’t see them as being on my

level of

in trauma and uh psychological pain

you’re saying like someone named paris

isn’t going to experience the same level

of trauma that you do being named

i’m saying only oh

i’m saying you have no idea no idea what

i go do

[Music]

no and i don’t care to learn no i have

zero

interest in gaining knowledge about you

or anything like that

yeah yeah so it’s it is one of those

things where um

i you know dr burn is there a way

uh with your patience have you had any

patients before who were

named after cities and board wore the

burden you know any any new york

anyone named new york i had a patient

named chicago jackson

whoa okay he wound up in the looney bin

yeah but he was unwilling to work in

therapy to deal with the weight of his

name

okay okay and i got to say just from

this brief

time observing you to cameron and i

don’t think you’re putting in 50 of the

relationship

absolutely not oh you’re totally aware

of that oh yeah there’s no way that i

would put anywhere close to 50

i would say maybe i’d cap out at like

i don’t know i don’t want to say 10

because i think i can give a little bit

more than 10

but i definitely not more than 14. i

would say 13

yeah and taking away percentage if he

can

yeah if we could minimize that that

would be awesome if we could get down to

zero

that would be but also

dr byrne i don’t know anything about you

like i don’t why am i trusting

like changing my entire worldview and my

relationships with people

can i talk to dr jack london he’ll vouch

for me

who are you like who what is you come

from clearly someplace that’s not

here right i’m from ireland okay

oh that’s right because of all the

grassy knolls that you roll around in

that’s right and i’m a board-certified

psychoanalyst

so and the way you keep saying

psychoanalyst i don’t like that i don’t

know if that’s specifically sort of a

british thing but

are you i’m irish don’t call me british

irish thing

are you psycho no

i mean if you’ve talked to me i i seem

perfectly fine don’t i

yes well and yeah uh

i guess i mean again i know nothing

about you you’ve only sort of asked

questions which i

love because i do love being asked

questions well that’s what a

psychoanalyst does yes

he or she asks questions and guides you

to see the truth about yourself

that’s true but it’s just you know

you’re

you’re sort of just avoiding telling us

who you are

by then asking a question we we asked

are you psycho because of the way you

keep saying psychoanalyst and then you

said you don’t think i am do you

well do you well just to clarify here

we didn’t ask that that was cameron

asked the question are you psycho which

i’d

that’s not a question that i usually ask

whenever i’m

getting to know people um yeah i guess i

know that is your

go-to question when you’re getting to

know people like a first date

yeah on your bumble

yes oh yeah i’m definitely yelling are

you psycho at people or

i mean usually i’m not asking i’m

accusing you are

psycho stop stalking me these people

i’ve just started speaking to

so dr byrne could you um yeah just just

to

i guess give comfort to cameron on this

uh to tell us

maybe just some of your hobbies we just

want to humanize you for a second

before uh you know

it just seems like camera’s really

uncomfortable with this yeah just

sell yourself to me and then then i’ll

trust

your the your advice and you know then

change my entire belief system to

whatever you want

okay well which would you want you want

me to list my hobbies or do you want me

to list my credentials

i want to hear hobbies and i want to

hear

the fastest you’ve ever ran my hobbies

football or soccer as you call it right

rugby

sea fishing reading okay

and the fastest i’ve ever run was 100

miles an hour

was that recent no it was in another

life

years and years ago when i was in a

different profession

okay okay so it was

in a different profession but not

another life because for us we’re going

back to our grandpa’s lives

yes that’s what you got to do yeah for

you was it your grandpa’s life that you

ran 100 miles an hour or was it your own

it was my own life i meant it

metaphorically or okay okay i just

wanted to make sure i was living a

different life back yeah i want to hear

more about

i mean you’re talking about an old

profession here i don’t know

very many professions that involve

running beyond

sports well let’s just say

there’s a few criminals off the streets

because of me

[Music]

were you because what that brings to

mind is either

you were an officer of the law or a

vigilante

i was a vigilante of sorts but the kind

of wears a cape and can fly

yeah okay so this oh okay so the skin

thing

is that was honestly a great question i

feel like i nailed that question that

was really good so

so i mean so you’re talking about you

can fl

why would you if you have the capability

to fly why would you pivot

to a medical profession well you got to

go to school that’s what they tell you

i was in school i had to pick a i had to

pick a major i went with psychoanalysis

yeah okay because i do remember reading

um

well especially as i you know bearing

the burden of

london uh being so close in proximity to

ireland i

i keep up with this kind of news so

there were a lot of vigilante reports

um years ago uh so

someone who could run remarkably fast

somebody could fly uh

you i you’re reminding me that’s only

half the story because

there was a shocking amount like the

the rise in vigilantism was corresponded

with the rise and dog nappings as well

and it was like super weird how they all

happened in the exact same location

so the criminals were being taken care

of but there was someone

sort of snatching these dogs and doing

god knows what with them

so does any of this sound familiar dr

barron

i’ll remember the dog scourge of course

i always wondered who did it but some

things will never find out

yeah i mean it sounds like you were

around pretty much every single time

these dog nappings were going on so

surely you s did you not see

anyone familiar that maybe you saw in

multiple locations

because we could get to the bottom of

this that’d be huge

listen i i did witness a few dog

nappings but back then

there was nothing i could do about it

yeah because it’s not really a crime so

you can’t stop it

i don’t know for sure if that person

owns that dog or not the dog can’t tell

me oh this isn’t my owner

yeah that’s what people don’t know like

that guy who

shot lady gaga’s dog walker st you can

steal dogs anytime you want like it’s

completely legal right

because again dogs are owned by nature

that’s a good point

so yeah it’s also well that’s your

position on kidnapping as well

yeah that because humans are also i

would have to disagree with you there

i i know i also disagree but that’s i’m

just saying cameron’s position

is taking anything or anyone

from a given place uh is

is okay because of nature well you’re

just moving matter that’s all you’re

doing is you’re just moving atoms from

one spot to another spot and to

say that that’s a crime to me i

to me that sounds crazy it sounds like

we’re living in idiocracy or something

dr smith i think you might have to face

the fact that the person you’ve decided

to partner your podcast with

is a sociopath also known as a

psychopath

that’s what i’ve psychoanalyzed oh

so so you call yourself a psychoanalyst

because you try to find

psychos that’s right i was sniffing you

out the whole time oh

[Music]

so and all those dr london those times

whenever you said still a vigilante

he’s trying to hunt future super

villains by sniffing out the psychos

yeah whenever you said like you know you

know vigilantes also

have day jobs usually right yeah i guess

so but i

i figured the flying things you could

monetize that really easily so i guess i

didn’t question it that much

yeah just feels like just doing it and

posting it on youtube would earn you an

infinite amount of money forever but

i could be wrong i’m not in it for the

money i’m in it for

seeking the truth yeah in this case

letting a a podcast host know that he’s

uh

his producer is a sociopath yeah and

then i might turn into some sort of

super villain that is pitted against you

it’s very possible but that’s one thing

just because i’m

psycho doesn’t necessarily mean that i’m

evil

like just because yes i am trying to

block out the sun

that i feel like that’s going to be

helpful this summer when everyone’s a

lot cooler

that’s not for evil reasons yeah i gotta

tell you i disagree with you on that

i think people like the sun they’re like

they gotta get their vitamin d you’re

gonna deprive them of their vitamin d

no because you can get vitamin d from

oranges and cuties are so popular right

now

you know what i mean like mandarin

oranges are so cool

that’s a good point so i haven’t thought

about that everything

i think it’s all gonna be fine and just

it’s so hot

when it gets hot you know what i mean so

i just think

you know temperature goes above 75

degrees

sort of a shade thing it’s kind of a big

umbrella

comes out blocks the sun and then it

it’s like dark for six or seven days

after that to just cool things down a

bit

i mean dr smith opens back up it’s like

it’s like a super dome

i mean i think your podcast producer is

some kind of evil genius that needs to

be brought to justice

yeah yeah you know it’s and and to to be

clear i did i don’t have the mechanisms

for this i’m more of a steve jobs idea

guy

and i have not been able to find my

walls

he has he’s done a lot of do the things

he doesn’t have means most of what he he

has a lot of projects

he’s undertaken you know uh for for

regular listeners

listeners podcast he has a lot of these

um projects that go on

a lot of uh a lot of these

these ordeals that he goes through but

um

i i he just doesn’t have the funding

aside from what he siphons from me

uh he doesn’t have the funding to pull

off blotting out the sun

launching blowing up the moon you know

threatening government again i’m a big

picture guy

ideas i i thought of the iphone

before that even came out

like february 2007 i said what if they

what if a phone could be an ipod yeah

you were

there dr dr smith can you confirm this

well i don’t want to okay you don’t want

to enable me

do it enable me [ __ ] all right we let’s

not use that kind of language let’s keep

this

sorry yeah i it’s another way to say

that

uh yeah maybe what’s another thing label

me

bastard well dr smith did you know your

father

i you know with all this focus on my

grandfather i hardly

uh oh yeah no i had a very loving father

all right there you go well

then you’re not the bastard okay yeah so

so cameron doctor remember we talked

about this doctor is the term okay

doctor london

well and you know i i feel like we’re

we’re hitting a really good spot here

maybe it’s time to um

focus on chores a little bit

the second we start to figure out your

messed up

brain you want to pivot to something

else yeah well it’s just

you know like and it’s you know we all

work within our means and i i

think it’s just good for you know clean

house clean mind

dr dr byrne is am i am i the only psycho

person

in this room right now that would be my

belief i believe that

dr smith has some deep rooted problems

with his willingness to work with you

and you’re the psycho it’s a it’s

essentially a

an abusive relationship yeah but you

if it’s sort of two sides if you think

that a psycho would need another psycho

to be friends with i don’t i don’t agree

with you scientifically i know

i think psychos find someone to to latch

on to that will

make a podcast for them to produce so

they don’t have to do it themselves

yeah that is i mean i am producer

cameron but i don’t really

do any of the work it sounds like this

this dj

dylan does everything yes yeah dj that

is true

everything and then dr london does

everything else and you’re just

here i’m not i’m an ideas guy i’m a big

picture guy

was it was the podcaster idea ooh um so

i didn’t have that

big picture idea so you’d but i haven’t

nope no forgetting to the bottom of

yours you do nothing camera you do

nothing for the relationship

and i would i would say whenever he says

he’s an ideas guy he just ha

he doesn’t share them yeah if you don’t

put them into the world what’s the point

oh he just thinks of ideas sometimes yes

well and then sometimes it’s like it’s

mostly just dreams

so i don’t even remember them when i get

up

five minutes later it’s like oh what was

i dreaming about and so that’s most of i

think what i

do to the podcast you’re an ideas guy

when you’re unconscious

yeah well dr smith i think you and dj

dylan need to really take a close look

at your relationship with cameron and

figure out how you want to realign it

yeah i mean most i guess most of what

cameron usually does

is find the guest and it sounds like

you were just you were a referral from

from dr jack london

so even that uh

yeah so even that i okay yeah

i guess it is something to really

re-examine and um

you know cameron maybe you could try to

help right now

we got we got a chore to do right fine i

can do

this can be part of my 13 percent yeah

could you explain the chore wheel

sure so for our listeners who are

unfamiliar

dr london and i because of our laziness

have neglected a very very long to-do

list we haven’t taken out the trash in

months uh we haven’t fed any of the cats

i don’t know what they’re eating but i

have to assume it’s one of the other

cats

and we started a farm but we didn’t

uh our next thing on the list to do was

to buy

you know half of the animals and the

feed and everything so they’re wandering

around

it’s it’s been pretty awful so we to to

knock off some of these chores that we

have to get done we created this huge

chore wheel that we spin every single

week and whatever chore it lands on

we have to do and dr byrne would you

would you be able to join us

and sort of help out a little bit

absolutely hopefully it’s not something

like mop the floors or something like

that

but if it is you kind of have to do it

so well psychoanalysis can apply to

anything okay perfect okay

even mopping okay so actually would you

give the uh the wheel a little bit of a

spin here we go

[Music]

okay oh no not this one

okay no i i knew this would come up and

i was you know at this point now i’m

wishing it was mopping the floor yeah

well the mayor’s been hounding us about

this one for a while

so the mayor uh did call us up a while

ago uh

we’ve you know he he’s he he follows a

podcast and he

tells us like you need to really uh

appeal to children more and you know or

he

i know our basically most of the

children in this town are hoodlums

and little brats and he said that we

need to

maybe put out more material that teaches

them how to be

not so bratty basically and so

that’s he he he brought us in to

write a children’s book yeah

specifically

to teach a valuable lesson yes

and so we got to figure this out we’re

gonna just knock this out really quickly

because otherwise the mayor is gonna be

super pissed and so we need to uh

all right i mean how do we even start

this i have zero idea i’ve never read a

book or written a book

or i don’t know i thought you were the

big idea guys well yeah but my ideas

are they’re just they’re so large that

they couldn’t fit in like a book

you know let’s let’s stick with what

what you know though cameron because

what you know is that your ideas happen

while you’re asleep

so maybe it could be a going to sleep

type book

okay so yeah it’s a book about going to

sleep or

like a book about what happens when you

go to sleep or or what’s the valuable

lesson being taught

i i mean sleep is super healthy for you

okay

in you know in the right doses so

maybe it could be you know this could be

one of those things and i know this is

kind of weird for children’s books but

it could be one of those books that’s

kind of oriented towards

uh children that are going to sleep like

you read them a book before they go to

sleep

okay kind of like a bedtime story yeah

i’m not familiar with the term but um oh

okay yeah

so this is uh so i guess you lost me

what you’re wanting is a book that’s so

boring that’s gonna cause

even a fussy little bratty child to pass

out

as if he took a pill yeah or i mean

maybe not boring just

something that will knock them out you

know how like i said a sleeping uphill

that you take before you go to bed

anyway something like that oh okay so

then maybe the book should just be

about the different kind of like maybe

about like a little kid

who every time he takes a fun sleepy

time pill

he goes on a fun adventure right okay

teaches kids to take you know a benadryl

every single night before they go to bed

right okay um dr byrne are you feeling

this

is this look at what’s happening you’re

working together

wow okay chores are helping you to work

together

i’ve never haven’t seen you two get

along that well in this whole this whole

40-some minutes we’ve been together

yeah yeah maybe this is the way brought

us together is

child ambien that’s right

okay so um yeah i guess

i guess these books don’t have to be so

long because they are for children here

well let’s title it first yeah it’s a

title um

uh how about like i take the same pills

as mommy and daddy

okay yeah and once again i don’t

you know i don’t see or interact with

children that often anymore so so it’s

i’m gonna go a little bit on your

expertise uh you know so medically i

can’t speak to this so much but

sure yeah okay so from my experience

kids and ambien are a great combination

and it helps them sleep and they sleep

for like like 36 hours every time

okay you do know that i am sworn to turn

if any

anyone confesses a crime to me i’m sworn

to turn them in

yeah sleepy children is not a crime i

know for a fact that children being

sleepy is not a crime

you should not throw these kids in jail

just because they’re so sleepy

you think the children would be

imprisoned yeah there’s no reason to

arrest these kids just because

they’re sleeping for like 36 hours at a

time

dr byrne i just want to make sure on

that like do you

are you agreeing with him on that point

or absolutely not no okay i’m saying

that cameron

insinuated he was going to give pills to

children and i’m saying

that because of my hippocratic oath that

i believe you dr smith must also have

taken

yes yes if i find out someone’s to be

harmed i’ve got to turn them in that’s

no that’s right and

you know thank you for holding me to it

dr byrd uh we’re not passing out

ambien to these kids we’re just in the

book the character is taking

one of his mommy’s ambience i think this

is a bad lesson to teach

children okay and it doesn’t help that

we

this podcast is heavily marketed towards

six-year-old

children i just wanted to i just wanted

to say i spent some time in liverpool

too that’s that’s why my accent is

flying between ireland and a beetle i

okay yeah i am now that you’ve mentioned

it specifically i am

hearing it but yes yes that all that all

tracks

okay so um okay so the book starts out

uh tommy boy is

um wondering what to do for the night

okay tommy boy is is thinking and this

is

you know a reference to the movie this

is the younger version of tommy boy

uh the chris farley type so uh tommy boy

is looking around what

should i do for bed and he sees

do you think it’s appropriate to have a

chris farley type who is also

maybe taking pills that’s good i’m glad

we have so much accountability on this

podcast that’s something that we’ve been

missing

i don’t mind it i’m just asking if that

was a good idea

i’m gonna have to go with cameron on

this one i i i think both of your guys

ideas for the book are very dangerously

close to having

causing children to hurt themselves

that’s definitely not true

i’m just more like i don’t want to upset

the

farley estate okay yeah that’s

um and i guess for whatever reason tommy

boy’s the first

boy name that popped into my head but

maybe let’s go for something more

cruz what tommy cruz maybe

okay tommy cruz yeah okay

uh oz i was gonna say let’s just go

gender neutral considering the age we’re

in

with the less you know

yes let’s set gene so gene

is there and gene

wants to go to bed and

that’s because that’s what everybody

wants well i was going to say

i mean kids typically

don’t want to go to bed oh right no i

didn’t

real i just remembered like i know how

much i want to go to sleep sometimes so

i assume okay so they don’t want to okay

okay i think

i mean i thought that was the point of

this book was to encourage kids yeah i

want to go to bed to go to bed no okay

okay

so and so maybe it’s like a fuzzy kid

who doesn’t want to go to bed

but then maybe like some sort of a

creature or like a demon or something

speaks to him

a demon what are you talking about

you’re gonna scare the hell out of these

kids

i’m just trying to imagine like when i

was a kid what would i want

to appear before me to convince me to

take a pill

to enter some sort of a magical land and

the first thing that pop yeah like a

demony sort of creature maybe like a

hooved

guy you’re describing the devil cameron

no i don’t think the big guy himself

is gonna like be that invested in just a

random kid

you refer to the devil as the big guy

he yeah uh you know sometimes

you sound like your personal friends

with him no

again i feel like too important too busy

there’s no way

so gene gene is

uh be gene is being told by his parents

who we’re gonna put maybe we’ll go in a

different direction

his parents have halo sorry not his uh

gene the human child

their parents have halos around them

okay and they are saying

maybe it’s time for bed and then

gene says okay does this sound good

that’s it i mean now that i’m realizing

we have to walk this kind of tightrope

we can’t

encourage them to take pills because

that might be morally bad

um or ethically at least well then why

how about the book just spends a lot of

time on like different locations where

pills might be found and then just

leaves it at that okay then they can

choose to do it or

not to do it that’s up to them okay so

jean looks up

at the cabinet with the medicine cabinet

and then it says it’s usually in one of

the side ones

and then maybe like there’s sort of

instructions on like how you’re supposed

to press

down on the lid and turn like you can’t

just turn it because that’s

the child proof lock i i’m gonna have to

jump in again you’re more or less still

encouraging children to take pills

i think we’re just teaching life less

well no this is this is one of those

things where like i’m really

appreciating having another physician

in the the talks here because normally

it’s just

my guy and maybe i’ve kind of dropped a

little bit of my professionalism over

time

because these suggestions do come often

so

dr byrne thank you we’ll we’ll

incorporate this idea of maybe not

telling them how to open the pill

bottles

okay so jean so let’s

the the leaving it blank might be okay

so gene looks up at the medicine cabinet

considers and we can write considers dot

dot dot

and then looks at bed

and maybe next to bed is glass of milk

okay i mean do we do you want to be on

that side of history

you don’t think things are sort of like

gearing more towards veganism as time

goes on

okay so i so my attempt was to find

something that wasn’t

so controversial as a method to help a

child sleep yeah we’re talking about the

dairy industry yeah

okay so so for you you don’t draw the

line at

ambient for a child for you it’s the

cheese milk yeah yeah okay um

yeah okay so but the kid just goes to

bed

so this is a two-page book yeah the

first page is the kid doesn’t want to go

to bed

on the second page he’s looking at a

cabinet and then he looks at the bed

so i guess three pages in the third page

as he goes to bed

done that was this i think this is going

to transform our community

this is a great book thank you dr brandt

and with your endorsement

would you be willing to be yeah like put

your

i’ll write the forward or the what’s it

called the epigraph or whatever

oh yes yes thank you yeah no the four

would be great and you want to do

you know give us a good three pages of

forward then we’ll have three

two or three pages of book and that’ll

be that’ll be great

got yourself a full book there yeah all

right well um

wow i well first let’s we have to um so

the chore wheel is

yeah the drawer wheel is built with a

certain number of chores

and we have new chores thrown in every

week so we do have to destroy

this one um so this would dr burn would

you do the honors there’s a there’s an

axe in the corner there and if you could

just

try to chop it the um the chore wheel

just chop it down

just chop it up beat the hell out of it

let me grab the axe

and chop away oh wow he’s so fast

he’s so fast see

again i feel like you’re way under

utilizing the actual super powers that

you have

well boys i’ve got to be going i see

you’ve got an open window over there

with no screen

okay well uh you know but before we you

go would you like to um

you know share with any of our listeners

how to keep up with you

or maybe you know someone with something

that uh they’d like to keep up with

i’ve really been enjoying this podcast

bald talk

hosted by brian husky and charlie

sanders you can find it

on instagram at bald talk pod

okay yeah yeah i’ve heard some of that

that’s uh it’s a lot of fun a lot of

funny guests as well yeah had many great

guests on

thank you for for coming on the podcast

uh dr charrel

and uh thank you and for

you know for all the lives you saved as

a vigilante for all the criminals you

put away

that’s no problem i do it i do it for

the good of humanity and yeah

maybe just well if you’re if you’re

around town maybe just keep an eye out

for those missing dogs because i

just just keep an i know nothing about

that but sure yes i’ll keep my eyes open

okay great um that was a strong denial

okay so um and thank you to uh our

producer cameron

uh thank you too digital in the hose

[Music]

dr smith i think you might have to face

the fact that the person you’ve decided

to partner your podcast

it’s a sociopath also known as a

psychopath

a cycle it’s essentially

an abusive relationship

it sounds like this this DJ IN DA HOUSE

everything

yes yes

look at what’s happening together

my name is Dr. London Smith (.com) and this has

been the Jock Doc Podcast

see ya