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Hey kids you’re about to listen to a

comedy podcast that means that none of this is

medical advice if you need medical

advice for medical care please contact

your doctor

welcome to the jock doc podcast

featuring

dr london smith we’ve got a good one for

you today folks

what i said we’ve got a good one for you

what

i said we’ve got a good one for you

today folks yeah

introducing your host dr london

smith hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast where we discuss fitness and

health

and how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring

i’m your host dr londonsmith.com

i’d like to begin by apologizing to our

listeners we’ve received some feedback

about the excessive amount of technical

medical terms that i’ve been using such

as

chromosomal aneuploidy and she

sells she’s ah she she

she sells seashells by the seashore see

and i’m sorry so i will try to determine

my terminology to a simpler one in the

future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron hi

hello dr london uh hollow to you

um yes uh you see kind of

you know chipper today are you doing

better i think i am

in a pretty good mood

okay i just i’ve been i’m you know i’ve

been sort of on the side

in a secret project been working on a

script

lately um and i’ve just

finished it and i think it’s gonna be

really really really good wow great it’s

gonna be it’s gonna be a full-length

mini series adaptation of the twisted

transistor

music video by corn from like 2005

yeah okay where it’s just it’s just like

they got like little john and like

people who vaguely look like the guys

from corn to dance around

okay and so little john that’s gonna be

a 10 episode fx on hulu

show that’s the goal okay and so you’ve

you’ve written the

screenplay for this yes and it’s

good dr london and you are famously your

own worst critic

oh yes i hate everything that i write

yeah

and so this is the first thing well i’m

you know i’m glad you’ve really made

this progress

to to liking something of yourself

because you know

you’ve talked about your therapist kind

of gets onto you about how

you should like more of your own things

and not be so unhappy with yourself

i think he’s just trying to sell my

stuff you know what i mean

like he’s just trying to get a sale out

of it okay

because i think he’ll get commission off

of like selling me my own

material okay i get

yeah i guess you know therapy works

differently for different people and i

i never thought of therapy as being a

chance for your therapist to

just make a sale yeah make a sale okay

pick up some of that commission

well anyway that’s it’s great i mean the

only little john that i’m familiar with

is

you know from robin hood uh

but is that um you don’t know the rapper

little john what

uh is is he the king

of 13 years ago with what well i’m

like i think that i am i think i’m

following it but like like

17 years ago

he’s from robin hood is that right i

would have to

check but i’m going to say yeah for the

sake of speeding up this conversation

i’m going to say

absolutely okay yeah that’s just

i’m just trying to get you know my frame

of reference there uh

so anyway that that’s our brain yeah

he’s the big bear from

robin hood the disney’s animated robin

hood and so

i’ve sort of adapting the twisted

transistor music video

into into that and we’ve got pedro

pascal

attached when you say we and also when

you say

have i oh yeah no it’s in my google doc

okay

okay um anyway so that’s our producer

cameron also with us is

DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE you don’t know the

rapper a little dog

what you don’t know the rapper

you don’t know the rapper

what you don’t know the rapper

[Music]

you don’t know the rapper you don’t know

the rap you don’t know the rap

you don’t know you don’t know the rapper

yeah you don’t know the wrapper

[Music]

is he he’s from robin hood is that right

yeah is he

and later cameron tells that we can

expect a special guest

that’s right dr london right so so go

ahead and look forward to that

uh but before i move on i mean maybe

i’m sorry i don’t know i have no idea

how the guest is gonna be

i’m tired of creating all these

expectations dr london

yeah you’ve been you’ve been really anti

expectation

lately anything where i i say

like you will show up for the podcast

recording you

you you say no don’t don’t put that on

me

well i hate that at the end of episodes

you tell people to

like uh follow our twitter and like it

like the podcast on itunes because i

don’t know if i’m gonna delete those

things between

now and when the episode comes out so i

there’s a lot of pressure on me

i should say right now i have stopped

doing that i actually have heard you so

this episode will not have that on it

okay great yeah that’s and i know that’s

been a pretty problem

because you you don’t like uh you don’t

like us interacting with social media at

all

and i get that so oh i don’t mind any of

it

i’ve come around to it it’s just i know

i don’t know what’s gonna happen

so i might get the urge to delete

everything every evidence this podcast

ever existed

by like thursday gotcha okay so

all right like i said that’s a producer

camera a lot of pressure to not i don’t

know if i’m gonna do that it’s a lot of

pressure to expect me to not do that

it’s a lot of pressure to expect me to

bathe and take care of myself

yeah that’s and i’m already dealing with

that yeah and you

you are continually frustrated once

again your your therapist

you talk a lot about anyway i don’t want

to get into your personal life too much

you know

um before we move on i would like to

address a bit of listener feedback

so we were hosting an intervention for

my cousin

and we got a good deal on this banner

because it had this note written on the

back

and so i assume that this note um that

was right on the back

is listener feedback for the podcast the

the note reads

quote boss makes a dollar i make a dime

that’s why i poop on company time end

quote

thank you to this listener for reaching

out so our listener sent

in like an old union rhyming adage

yes you know i i don’t ask our listeners

where they um

you know where they get their

information i you think that

maybe that’s a lesson that has uh or

maybe um

a rule that hasn’t been figured out yet

you know the fact that maybe i make more

than you on the podcast

but you don’t but yeah well since i’m

the host you’re the producer i

i’m gonna make a little bit more i’m the

talent you know

yeah if if that’s what you think is

happening i love that

that’s awesome if that’s what you

believe the split of this podcast is

that’s

great for me okay because the patreon

has been

you maybe maybe i’ll maybe this listener

has some something worth hearing okay

um anyway uh to this listener thank you

so much for reaching out

and uh yeah for letting me know that

maybe

maybe i should be aware of of who’s

making what here

so um anyway now for today’s medical

topic wilson disease

wilson and this is not mr wilson disease

like dennis the medicine this isn’t any

of that yeah this is the volleyball

okay no it’s also so so wilson disease

is a cause of liver or hepatic cirrhosis

oh no yeah wilson disease is an

autosomal recessive disease of copper

metabolism

so mutations in the atp 7b

gene lead to an impairment of copper

excretion because it cannot be excreted

copper accumulates in liver cells as

hepatocytes

it must be really hard for him to know

that that he’s

like causing that and everyone he

interacts with you know what i mean

like you don’t no one wants to admit

that they’re a burden

on their friends and family right but it

sounds like this wilson character

you know is just destroying people’s

livers

the volleyball yeah so and once again i

need to clarify this is this is a

disease this isn’t um

this is not the volleyball this is just

a guy you know wilson

no well it’s it’s a dis in any case it’s

um

so as as hepatocytes or liver cells as

they die

copper leaks into plasma and accumulates

in various organs including the kidneys

cornea and brain

the majority of cases present between

the ages of 5 and 35

so clinical features are due to copper

deposition

in various organs liver disease which is

the most common initial manifestation

it can include acute hepatitis cirrhosis

and full

fulminant hepatic failure a big thing

for

wilson diseases kaiser fleischer rings

which are

yellow uh golden yellowish rings in the

cornea of the eye

and that’s caused by once again copper

deposition and it’s like just because he

causes all these different things and

the people around him doesn’t mean you

need to place all the blame on him you

know what i mean like i think that can

be sort of

detrimental to his health his mental

health

and his self-image yeah i feel like he

thinks like oh

everyone around me has these like yellow

eyes

yeah that that’s going to make you feel

bad so i

i just don’t and maybe that’s not your

place to say like

who does and doesn’t make everyone else

sick

okay and one one thing to clarify

regarding that copper deposition in the

eye and the cornea

it doesn’t interfere with vision people

can see fine it’s it’s

an outward thing that you can just see

on their eyes uh

central nervous system findings are due

to copper deposition in the central

nervous system

one aspect of this can be extrapyramidal

signs including parkinsonian

symptoms such as resting tremor rigidity

and bradykinesia

other extrapyramidal signs can include

choreo which is a term for when the

hands shake in a specific

involuntary way um they can have

drooling and

coordination due to copper deposition in

the basal ganglia of the brain

psychiatric disturbances may also be

present including depression

even just stuff like that just seems

rude to me like you’re you’re

accusing him of some sort of impropriety

just because he wants to

like have a handshake you’re saying oh

this handshake is unsolicited so that

means

you’re just an evil person dr london

no so the so the handshaking part is is

cory it’s

it’s due to you know the nerves working

improperly yeah i’m sure he’s nervous if

you’re gonna just throw it back in his

face like that yeah

yeah okay so um so psychiatric

disservices it can cause neuroses

personality changes psychosis kidney

involvement can manifest with

amino acid uria and nephrocalcinosis

[Music]

in any case a diagnosis is made by

determining a few factors

liver disease can be revealed with

elevated liver function tests

along with um impaired synthesis of

coagulation factors

and proteins such as albumin these are

things that the liver normally does is

make those coagulation factors an

abundant the most

obvious method to screen for wilson

disease is of course by

finding a decreased serum copper level

which is measured with

serum ceruloplasmin yeah it’s not like

you can just talk to him like he’s an

actual human being

you have to put him through all these

tests or whatever just to get the

results you want

that’s what you guys do so this is the

idea of just like oh just like oh i’m

gonna like

talk to this person and treat him like

an actual human that’s just a foreign

concept to

pill pushers like yourself and that’s

fine and you can admit it and you need

to admit it

yeah so this is admit it

admit that i i just feel like pills on

wilson

say it wilson isn’t a patient for mine

maybe i should clarify that

oh he’s a friend that’s even worse no

he’s just reaching out to talk dr london

he’s calling you on the phone

and you’re trying to sell him scripts on

the side

so so this decrease in copper and the

plasma is seen in 90

of wilson disease patients although

ranging within

ranges within normal do not exclude the

diagnosis and of course

the most direct way to just to diagnose

is with the liver biopsy and that can

show elevated copper

concentration in liver cells if

diagnosed you’ll want to check the first

degree relatives

screen them because this is a genetic

disease

[Music]

now oh it’s not even bad enough that

you’re putting him through this but

you’re putting his family through this

as well

and i just i feel like you’re really

missing the whole

uh main like the it’s genetic disease so

it’s not even contagious like you were

in any case there are a few treatment

options available uh chelating agents

like d penicillin

i keep saying you shouldn’t even have

kids remove and detoxify the excess

copper deposits

zinc prevents the uptake of dietary

copper this can be given alone and

pre-symptomatic or pregnant patients

or in conjunction with chelating agents

and symptomatic patients if patients are

unresponsive to therapy or have

fulminant

liver failure a liver transplant may be

necessary

and in general one should monitor the

patient’s copper levels

uh the urinary excretion the

ceruloplasmin the liver function along

with physical exam

for signs of liver and neurologic

disease and of course psychological

health

so did that make you feel better i

so this is how you got all that out of

your system it’s

you know it’s one of those things that

people can really watch out for if they

have some symptoms you know what i mean

if they have a friend who’s sort of

causing these kind of things and

in their lives so blasted on the podcast

so in your mind after all that i said

your assumption is still

that wilson the volleyball with a bloody

handprint on it

from the movie castaway

has a contagious

severe liver and neurological and

psychological

and kidney disease that’s why it’s so

small

uh you know let’s can we move on from

here i feel like we’re that’s fine i

feel like we’re at an impasse

[Music]

all right uh cameron you said that we

have a guest today is that right

that’s correct dr london okay

and and you you don’t mind the

expectation

we have a guest here and that’s okay i

think we have a guest

and that’s all i’m gonna say i think

setting any other expectation is

rude dr london on me okay so

um anyway uh hello there my name is dr

londonsmith.com and this is our producer

cameron

what was your name my name is uh junior

junior junior junior the fifth cameron

oh so you you come from the cameron clan

as well

yeah you can say that yeah i’m the fifth

so yeah so you guys do you guys

hey do you know each other do you hang

out i mean we

have never met no we did i invited him

on the podcast because

i had seen him sort of like get a like

in line at an arby’s that was closed

down i thought that was really

interesting because like who else loves

arby’s as much as i do when he was in

line

like i closed one yeah because that’s

how he was waiting for it to open

okay was was there a line and he was

not even the first in line or uh i was

the first in line

yeah i i’m the line starter okay

the same way that people might camp out

for tickets

like concert tickets or movie tickets or

whatever sneakers

jewelry yeah so that that’s what he was

doing with

sort of his morning big beef and cheddar

i guess this is the part that’s

what have you invited him on the podcast

well whenever you say a line

i’m sorry to get hung up on this but

whenever you say a line it makes me

think more than one person like you know

more than one dot makes a line so i’m

wondering

was he the only one in line we’re

getting into the differences between the

first

and second dimension yes a point

versus a line that is interesting yeah

and i

am i’m open to talking about it i mean

but the line has to start somewhere and

i was the first of mine

no and i think i feel like that’s you’ve

established that but i’m wondering

what i’m getting at is was there anyone

else waiting

at this arby’s oh no

no i i mean me yes okay so

two people make a line two people make a

line we were both there and so i invited

him on the podcast because

he seemed like he had a lot of good

ideas okay well he had some

he had some questions for you dr london

some medical questions

i do but i’m still uh i i need to know

that you understand

the line thing so you’re at a wedding

and you want to start dancing you want

to start a conga line i do

i do and you get up and you start

dancing it’s still a conga line

whether someone is behind you or not yes

and if there’s only two people it might

look like just someone is holding on to

someone else’s butt

but it’s actually a conga line i’ve seen

so many you know whenever i whenever

i’ve gone to clubs before

i’ve seen so many two-person conga lines

yeah they’re very popular at clubs yeah

um

so two people just grinding on each

other it’s a conga line

i guess i i but why are you confused

about this dr london

yeah i get that you’re a medical expert

like i’m learning is

is what i’m just speaking out loud what

i’m learning right now

we’ve established on the show many times

he is a [ __ ] and anything that doesn’t

involve

medicine which and so to be fair that is

the most flattering thing you’ve

said on this podcast

to say that i do know medicine yeah

so thank you you definitely know about

it like you’ve heard of it

yeah or just you know maybe talked about

a genetic disease just now but

anyway um so

uh you you guys met in line at an arby’s

and uh that’s and that’s how this got

going so

um so junior the fifth uh and i’m sorry

to kind of get hung up on these things

before we even really start to get to

know why you’re here but um

i so normally there’s a junior and a

senior in a family

are you was there like a

a senior in your family and then a

junior of

i guess i’m not sure i’m not a junior

version of anyone no i get it i mean uh

again it’s just genetics and leniency

like uh the lineage

right it starts with a line so where am

i in that line

yes right so there was my father

and his father before him and his father

before him which

was a senior huh well oh this is the

first the first senior so

i had i became a junior on my mother’s

side

okay oh yeah but i’m a i’m a fifth on my

dad’s side you’re a maternal junior and

a paternal

fifth the fifth okay yes okay i guess

this is you know i i don’t get into

genealogy maybe as much as i should this

is actually this is a lot to learn

okay um that’s so i guess for the record

so it’s out there

um i’m the i’m dr london londonsmith.com

the first so

and cameron do you want to go ahead and

state

but just yeah i know i’m cameron clark

first of his name

very nice and just to let you both know

that means that you’re still the first

in line

yes and they in the long lineage of

my future children who will all be named

cameron

yeah okay uh junior the fifth

what what brings you to the podcast yeah

thanks so much so uh as

we stated waiting for an arby’s right it

was after

a um a night of uh debauchery um

it’s gonna say plain and simple i’m a

jewel thief

right okay and yeah and i was okay

getting off a job just

had uh hit hit up sales got a great

uh a big score right and

but of course with every job comes um

you know

some difficulties which you know

sometimes pertaining to

hr whatever gun fights

uh some violence okay sorry i was

thinking hr but

so gun fights yeah and i was thinking i

was talking to cameron and he

let me know about the podcast because i

was wounded at the time so i was waiting

for my

big beef and cheddar and i said man

i can’t wait to get this inside of me

because i’m losing a lot of blood and i

need

something to help me out here yeah i see

you to replace the blood with

yeah i mean i do see your bleeding but

it looks like you got

what looks like makeshift bandages which

well it looks like attempted makeshift

bandages you have a uh

yeah and the swimming tube that’s

deflated

yeah yeah yeah see i actually i’m no i’m

no medical expert so i’m like

you know i wanted to come on this

podcast uh see

how you can help me see if there’s any

like uh quick

you know how to’s as i’m on the run

you know i can’t i can’t go to a

hospital because i think i’m there’s

gonna be pictures of me

on there okay so you’re you’re coming

here

in part because you fear the law

the law men coming after you uh yeah

coming

coming after me yeah not fear them i

told them that

you would do you’d be willing to do some

stuff on the side

yeah well so i do the podcast on this

side i don’t normally provide medical

treatment on the side

oh uh why not there’s it’s a big market

yeah i mean

do you take cryptocurrency i mean i

could

shoot you a a few bits a few bits of a

coin

okay that’s you know that that’s

appealing in a way but like

i i’d rather go through the proper

channels but i mean i guess

you know while you’re here what is more

i mean people say

proper okay a hundred years ago where

was

everyone operating in a hospital no

everyone

was in their grass huts and we were all

just operating on each other in our own

beds

and it’s just like that’s not unethical

to do things on your own time dr london

so i mean what is what is more above

board

than bringing some people who have been

recently shot into your home

patching them up and then pretending to

be like a vet or something

yeah no that’s um no that that’s that’s

one approach so i guess

first off let’s uh let’s let’s

look at you know the first thing we do

in medicine you you enter a room

you’ll well you’ll before you enter a

room you would knock

you wait do you knock at the hospital

yes you you always you always knock

before you enter a patient’s room

sorry i haven’t been to one in so long

like i can’t remember how what the

protocol is

you’re supposed to knock people don’t

you’re supposed to knock at the front

door of the hospital it’s usually like a

sliding door

but you’re supposed to just because it

slides open doesn’t mean you’re allowed

in okay so you’re knock knock knock

doctor

doctor you have to be invited tell me

the new yeah it’s vampire rules

and then they’re usually going to give

you like a little device thingy that’ll

buzz like the hostess will give you a

thing that’ll

that’ll buzz whenever you’re ready looks

like a coaster

and then that that that free time is

yours you can go next door there’s a

brookshire’s next door there’s all sorts

of things that you can do

yeah laser tag place so

i’ve been to a hospital in forever so

this is all this is all new to me i’m

writing this down right now

i would say you know all the stuff

that’s outside the hospital that he was

mentioning

you don’t have to go to a hospital to

access

a grocery store you know like berkshires

you don’t you can just go to the

brookshires

uh you know if there’s no now one thing

i’d

um it’s just all of this seems like

you’re just avoiding

the question of why won’t you help this

man and why won’t you help

other people who might want to want to

go to a hospital okay so i’m

you know learning basic first aid is

is valuable okay so um okay so i’m

looking at your leg right now

sorry that’s what i was saying i was

saying you knock first and then once

you’re invited in then you

observe you look and so this is what we

call the gross exam

so i’m looking at you and i do see that

your leg

is uh um in i guess you’ve you put your

foot into a balloon um

yeah yeah protection it’s like a like a

condom-esque

yeah you know that couldn’t find a

condom big enough so i used the next big

thing yeah

the next uh thing it’s a balloon yeah

so you’ve you’ve got this balloon and

then i see that

the balloon you’ve been changing it out

even while we’re talking

we’ve been talking you’ve been pulling

off the balloon tying it off because

it’s filled with fluids

and then i see you’ve got a collection

next to you

you’ve got a bucket yeah you keep

putting them in and

that i assume i mean you’re turning them

into water balloons and we’re gonna have

a

like a play fight later right you know

that was supposed to be a surprise i

told you

i i uh okay

i as a surprise for you doc yeah so

so if it’s if it’s you know pus and

blood

then that’s filling those balloons then

that’s not something that i would

that’d be a negative type of surprise

you are so holier than thou

you’re so snooty yes you still won’t

treat me i mean can you just uh

what do you have here can you just get

something to just yes

yeah so would you mind um well first of

all would you mind just

let’s remove the uh we have to remove

the leg the foot no

no hey the foot condom let’s remove that

okay okay so that is spurting you just

want them to raw dog it like so

i so let’s um i’ve got i’ll start

suturing

well we have to clean it um okay and

it’s

it’s really going so let’s apply

pressure that’s really the thing to do

here

okay yeah hey i just want to let you

know that you’re doing it right now

you are working on my leg even after all

your hesitation even after

you have to knock and all the protocol

you completely abandoned all that and i

want to thank you for that

yeah well it’s one of those i mean if

you are

dying here which you might have been

with all this blood loss

like no i had a b i had a big beef and

cheddar i’m not dying

yeah i mean you you look so pale

but i mean but if the blood has been

replaced with

a you know a whole meal arby sauce

and that goopy cheddar cheese i mean

yeah you have been just

downing shots of that that arby’s sauce

but you said we’re supposed to put

pressure on it dr london yeah under the

the wound where where the blood’s

spreading out okay

okay where were you the other night

is that what we’re supposed to do i no

it’s

tell me where you were okay so here

so i’ve got gauze we’re gonna put that

on there um no

okay so you’re gonna get into a grade

eight college next year or you’re not my

son anymore

is that applying pressure to yourself no

okay i mean it was i was thinking to my

leg i think of my leg as a separate

entity as

uh than myself are you your legs dad

junior i i am my legs dad so that makes

my leg

uh junior the sixth no the sixth the

shift to six junior the sixth

okay so it you know we’ll i feel like

we’ve

we’ve kind of slowed the bleeding on um

on your your foot so for one thing

congratulations we we can move on from

there for the moment

uh and maybe you can just give some

general advice when he’s on his next

you know thieving caper yeah please i

don’t have to come back every single

time

oh yeah of course like i’m sure i’m sure

you probably cut your hands sometimes

when you’re

when you’re trying to go through glass

that you’ve just broken right

mm-hmm yeah you’d think i’d bandage it

up but i

just raw fist because it’s a it’s about

the feel of it you know you want to feel

like

i’m robbing this place and i broke this

glass exactly yeah

because otherwise why are you doing it

you know if you’re just gonna like

not even enjoy what you’re doing

yeah you don’t want to be living for the

weekend you want to enjoy your

your work um enjoy what you do and

you’ll never work another day in your

life

that’s something that i said and i

invented and

so it is one of those things where i

don’t know that this is

um one of the reasons why i haven’t been

addressing the job so

specifically is because i’m not sure

that i would

morally agree with that that

job do do you understand oh

well no please elaborate on why you

wouldn’t approve my job

so um whenever you if your job

is so i guess a lot there are a lot of

jobs in the world

you know you can do you can be a doctor

this is where you’re

starting that’s how broad you’re

starting is just the concept of jobs and

how many there are in the world you can

i think you can fast forward

yeah no when god created earth

yes right he said let there be jobs and

there were jobs

okay i guess i’m sorry i was just trying

to be sensitive and to kind of keep it

broad and then there

so hit me with it my leg is bleeding i

could die at any moment as you said

that’s true i want you to

get okay we need to put more roast beef

on it

stealing is wrong

yes and so and uh the jewelry stores

you know you’re you’re taking someone’s

profit you’re taking their

items uh that that they acquired

to sell you’re taking that away from

them so

stealing is generally it’s against the

law and it’s you know

kind of a you know morally not not okay

so

all right let me hit you back with this

okay all right have you

had have you heard of the the gamestop

uh stock

of recent of recent history well it’s

yeah it’s been you know a month or two

since that but yeah i still i mean it’s

still happening they’re still

the hedge funds are still trying to like

uh hold on to their money

and they’re taking away they’re like uh

you know they’re pretty much stealing

money from the people who put on uh

who put the shorts on there the short

squeeze

right did you would you do you think

they do you think

are we equal yeah so you’re comparing

the you know a volatile like some stock

market exchange

market manipulation some market

manipulation to

you’re physically going to yes i’m

manipulating

the diamond market and the glass

enclosures

breaking through the doors picking the

locks

smashing grabbing moving through the

lasers

i get yeah what what is what is junior

doing

if not just shorting the jewelry stock

and by stock we mean the the physical

the number of jewelry items

yeah he’s he’s taking he’s shorting that

list

okay he’s making that list much shorter

so this is a lot of moral relativism

that i’m really not

you know so maybe leave philosophy to

the philosophers who are us yeah because

it’s so

it’s so uh insulting that you would just

judge

before even hearing me out i mean from

the get-go you’re

you know you’re stealing you’re this

you’re this kind of person you’re

bleeding all over my floor

you know you haven’t even told them what

you do with the money you get

yeah you don’t know what i do with the

money i i give a lot of it away i give

about

90 away of the diamond so if you ever

see um

an unhoused person with diamond earrings

or uh some or um jewelry

that’s me i whoa yeah

okay so you you steal from the rich to

give to the poor

not unlike i mean robin hood yes

the trading app and a little john okay

okay i yeah i went to a different place

tomorrow but yeah yeah i follow

okay so um now that we know so so you

are stealing for to give to those

in need it doesn’t sound like junior’s

giving away like the money he makes

from it he’s giving the diamonds away

and i say to them very close now like

you better not sell this

you better not or i will come back that

was and i will

that was going to be my next question

you you forbid them from

and it sounds like you were threatening

them yes i

say this is only to look good this is

for appearances only okay

and if i come back here and i see that

you sold this

we’re gonna have a problem on our hands

huh and dr london has an issue with this

i don’t know why he has this moral issue

with everything that’s going on

where do you get off i mean did you

study philosophy or did you study

medicine

yeah i it’s one of those things maybe a

pill

pusher shouldn’t be telling people how

to live their lives

yeah i bet you i bet you only treat

people with insurance

busted with that a kaiser permanente

insurance busted

[Music]

yeah the kaiser flusher rings um

ding ding ding ding we got him boys

bringing the swat team

so everybody’s shooting you that is me

killing you yeah i i could tell by the

the very angry face you just made and

the very

genuine rage so um

i if we could take it back to the

question i had which was

what brought you to this life of

stealing from the rich

to make the less fortunate look good

under threat of harm

yeah um i grew up very poor

and i could never figure out

how to make myself look good until i saw

this ad for uh

i don’t know if you’ve heard of the

company uh kay jewelers yes

yeah that’s a yeah jewelry store every

kiss begins with

cake yup right and i saw that commercial

i said to myself

i need that’s that’s how i do it that’s

how i do it they had this beautiful

christmas commercial

they look so nice and then i found out

the actors

weren’t that rich and i was like oh wait

if the actors aren’t that rich but they

can make themselves look good

so can i okay so your origin story is

that you saw jewels on tv

and then decided to that you wanted them

basically

yeah that’s pretty good if you want to

if you want to strip it down

if you don’t strip down my beautiful i’m

not trying to minimize yeah your

experience or anything like that

so this is this is your first job

uh yeah i guess you can say it’s my

first job i mean can you really call it

a job if you love doing it

yeah it’s not a job dr london okay i’m

sorry it’s just

we have we just established that and we

established that i made that up i

invented that thing

so okay so you’ve been i guess

whenever i was hope part of me i guess

at least was hoping that maybe

um you had fallen on to hard times

you’ve been driven to a life of crime

but it sounds like you just kind of got

jealous of people looking really good in

a commercial

and wanted to imitate that well it

sounds like you you were

upset with how the like homeless people

around you

looked and even the actors not being

rich was a

yeah it was a huge selling point for you

oh the swat team’s turning on me

pow pow pow pow wow i’m being shot right

right now

i i apologize i i am not i ever i think

i support

everything that you’re doing i was just

correcting dr london he was trying to

present it as

oh he was you know uh junior here is

just trying to make himself look good he

was just jealous and it’s like no

he is making the people around him look

better i didn’t realize i was part of a

luau since i’m getting roasted over here

right busted

busted bringing the swat team yeah i i

don’t get why you would come

why you would come after me specifically

how poor

were you um

my father could only afford two hummers

oh

man i know so i mean do you guys know do

you would you know how that is you know

how that feels when

people around you are driving escalades

and

lamborghinis and going to private

schools

and you’re just going to a different

private school

yeah man yeah i mean i can’t even admit

i would turn to a life of crime too dr

lydden how can you

judge yeah and then you can only you can

your dad can only buy

buy you a buy buy your spot

in like a state school instead of

another like you like duke

or an ivy league school yeah i guess i

didn’t think of

you know it’s one of those things where

people say you know uh

these people you see live life privilege

or this one

and the people who seem to be living a

life of privilege

from their own point of view they’re

just trying to get by like anyone else

sometimes

and maybe it was inconsiderate of me to

you know assume that he wasn’t so poor

yeah but did you did you ever consider

another job like

you know an accountant being an

accountant or

being a doctor being you know what did

your dad do

to what did your father do to have all

the uh

my oh my dad yes um my dad

was a jeweler oh

[Music]

yeah so this is sort of uh is your dad

still around you say was a jeweler

yes he’s no longer around i uh i’ll be

honest with you guys

i uh that was the first uh that was the

first

store i i robbed wait did you rob it

while he was still alive i mean

legally legally i can’t say

anything according to my friend who

uh sub uh who uses the subreddit law

and you know i’ve like

legally i can’t tell you what happened

on that fateful night where i took

but it sounds like he he might have been

alive

the day before this day you started

thieving

or even the day was not the day after is

that is that well is that about right

i think so i think i think um

the shock of uh finding out

what my career was is what uh might have

had a

you might have affected your career

which started

at that time yes

it’s so crazy actually like it’s it’s he

he passed away at the same time i was

picking up picking up my first diamonds

that is crazy

it’s a huge coincidence yeah and you’re

referring to it as a career now

where i was being really called out for

calling it a job

was that the issue was the longevity

aspect

no i think i i’m saying career

because i just wanted to speak in your

terms okay

it’s for you to understand because again

you didn’t understand the whole line

thing

and now i’m like okay well i have to

like shift a little bit to so you

understand

yeah lebron’s lebron still has

career highlights even though no one

says like oh playing for the lakers is

lebron’s job

okay see what i mean wait but but do you

consider

being a jewelry thief to be

similar in that way to playing it’s not

a job if you love it

yeah okay okay okay but i do consider

myself

the goat if that’s what you’re gonna get

i am

you think you’re the lebron of jewel

thievery yes

how many scores have you done

i mean you know

give or take i’m gonna say about

three okay and were they huge

halls to how many how much how many

diamonds did you walk away with

okay if i’m really thinking about it

because i mean who keeps track of this

stuff honestly if i’m just thinking

about it and i can yeah especially if

you’re not an accountant or anything

yeah

yeah and you’re just you know doing the

numbers in your head

and you know you’re thinking it’s

give or take give or take five

yeah five so five diamonds

total over the three trips or five each

time

over the five strips oh okay okay see

you’ve had

five and you gave 90 of those five

to the poor people

um wait and

look so it’s four what a four and a half

and look

like do you wanna know where i keep it

no that’s that’s not what i was oh no

that’s not what i was asking

oh look at it look at it

okay yeah well it’s okay you keep the

half diamond that you kept his

nipple piercing is filled with a half

diamond

um jealous i’m honestly whenever you

start pulling off clothes

i i am relieved that it was just the

nipple

uh you know what you should do is you

should do the little uzi vert thing and

get your next diamond

right in your forehead

well you next i’ll think about it but

then then i i like to keep clothes on

because

then it’s a little covert so people

won’t be like hey where’d you get that

diamond and then

do this whole like interrogation and

then i’d have to be like oh

yeah you’d have to become a famous

rapper to sort of cover your tracks

yeah yeah that’s that’s why people get

into it

yep well okay so

just to kind of give a recap recap of my

understanding

of your i guess life junior the fifth

cameron

you yeah you grew up your family was

owned a jewelry store one day

you decided to rob his jewelry store

your father died that night possibly

related to it

and you robbed a few other jewelry

stores since then

totally you came out with five diamonds

gave it away

yeah gave away sorry you robbed the same

store yeah still your dad’s store

yeah who who’s working there now now

that your father has passed

my mom and my brothers okay are they

okay

it’s the i don’t know okay

but nothing for them

legally legally i can’t

speak to that so your father has passed

away but you cannot speak

you can say that but you can’t you can’t

give us the life status of your

brother or your mother

these lips are sealed so it sounds like

possibly

no one is manning the jewelry store at

all and you can still only

like make away with five jewels

i’m sort of coming around to dr london’s

side but not for any moral reason

because

i think you’re just an inefficient thief

okay would an inefficient thief and to

call yourself the goat i mean i have to

take offense to that

i’ve stolen way bigger goats than that

i’d say you’re bad at your job

at that point well it’s not a job it’s

not a job it’s a career

okay doctor one day again it’s just

you guys kind of keep trying to come at

me you know and i

just don’t appreciate it look i what i

do

you know it’s not it’s not just for the

money it’s to make people look good

it’s to prove to my family

you know i’m not a complete [ __ ] up

and you know it’s to be the ghost it’s

to prove your family that

your family that it just sounds like

you’re whittling them down

but you’re still trying to impress them

or are you trying to press like cousins

or something is it is it not immediate

family

no it’s uh you know it’s only my

immediate family whose whereabouts

i have no idea where they are so it

sounds like

i i feel like we’re we’re we are at a

place where

maybe we’re at a standstill in terms of

how much information we can

legally get out of you not just legally

mentally because i have lost a lot of

blood that’s true like i’m pretty sure

i’m pretty sure the wound

opened back up yeah and i’m glad i mean

you’re medi i gotta be brought out the

kiddie pool for you so that you’re

it’s contained um okay well

you know on that note though we have

some chores to do

why do you have to bring that up dr

london i know i’m gonna explain

yeah yeah if you could uh so for our new

listeners

we sort of neglected everything

that we had to do everything on our

to-do list all of our chores our weekly

chores daily chores

do the dishes take out the trash push

the dog in the pool like all of these

things that we’re supposed to be doing

we weren’t we were very busy with

neglecting it

yeah i’m just like not doing it and so

we created this fun little chore wheel

that every single week we spin and

whatever chore it lands on

even if it’s the dishes dr london even

if we have to do the dishes

yeah if it lands on that that is the

chore we have to do

so we’re just going to go ahead and give

this bad boy a

spin uh actually junior yeah junior the

fifth can you

give our wheel a bit of a spin yeah i’d

love to

you know you don’t mind if you get any

blood on it right oh yeah no it’s fine

here i can help you up i can just hoist

you up because

yeah there you go and just go ahead and

oh no not that i didn’t want to have to

do this oh

do you want to do you want to read it

do you read it okay so we do have to

build our own store oh no

yeah so um we’ve been and we’ve been

neglecting this because

uh it’s once again one of these things

where uh

we we don’t work in retail um

that’s that’s something we haven’t

really branched into but we have to make

a themed store

so uh is it themed after the podcast or

you just mean themed in general what did

the mayor request is this coming

straight from the mayor

uh it’s coming from the mayor’s

secretary so the words

like it’s mixed up it’s jumbled um i

think

from what i understand it was it was a

themed store

that’s all it’s okay so it can just be

like anything

yeah so okay so we have to kind of work

together here and come up with a theme

for the store

i mean from the start if you guys don’t

mind me just uh

pitching i mean what about jewels ooh

i don’t s huh we could call it

run the jewels so i feel like

given your experience with jewelry would

that be

helpful or detrimental to this only one

way to find out see okay

that part oh yeah this is it’s yeah it’s

the winking

there’s so much winking with both eyes

so one at a time

for our listeners the amount of winks

and the amount of

um i don’t just just obscene gestures as

well

we i i i don’t want to end up dead

i don’t want to end up dead is basically

what i’m gonna i don’t want to end up in

a position where you are not allowed to

confirm or deny

the life status of myself yeah

so i i’m gonna have to say i love the

idea and if you want to add if you want

to give away some of your future jewels

to the store i think that’d be really

cool or

if you wanted to bring buy run the

jewels or jewel

maybe both and we could get them to do

sort of like

a talk to me and you were meant for me

sort of collaboration mashup

but uh i’m gonna have to pass on the

jewelry thing i think we should go

more like

space or cowboys or

vikings okay or i want to stop you right

there because

space cowboy vikings is actually kind of

a hobby of mine

oh

you’re obviously remembering now i know

i’m i’m just i’m just making fun yeah

uh but yeah so i’m kind of a nerd i’m

really into space cowboy vikings

um i’m really into sort of the that

transition between

norse mythology and the wild west

and space you know nasa all that

so oh yeah it’s not the sci-fi aspects

of space it’s

the logistical aspects like nasa yeah

florida things like that i wanna i wanna

have to calculate

with with a lot of you know different

pressure systems and

you know uh getting through different uh

types of

matter and the atmosphere oh i love it

all so

yeah anyway that plus you know vikings

and

the north you said you said apollo 13

would be your favorite movie

if there was at least one viking in that

yeah

which and like i’ve i traced it back i i

think one of the actors

or at least one of the crew has some

viking heritage

so it’s starting to win me over tom

hanks yeah tom hanks yeah

tom hanks he was uh yeah that’s how he

they got him to look like that and

from castaway okay oh and that’s why he

was casting castaway of course

yeah because of his viking heritage yeah

okay so we’ve got tom hanks as a

spokesperson i feel like right off the

bat and that’s easy to get

we can get i don’t i don’t know if he’s

ever oh cowboy stuff

he’s woody oh yes okay so tom hanks

we we’re gonna have him on retainer i

feel like that’s gonna be most of the

budget

unfortunately well um but we can still

like decorate the store and everything

so i mean what are we are we selling

supplies

for like space

cowboy vikings or are we is it more of a

display

yeah or yeah is it more just like you

have fun fun uh

collectors item type stuff is it

practical stuff like are we selling like

dungarees and like

astronaut suits well so so the message

spikey helmets

from the mayor’s secretary was

a little ambiguous because it they said

they want children to be able to play

period and then they said the children

should be able to

eat period and stop the children

was the last sentence so i don’t know

so to me it seems almost like a

mcdonald’s-esque

vibe okay you know you uh

you have the children pele you feed the

children

and then you you stop them you stop them

that last part i’m not sure about so

stop or stomp

i don’t i don’t like either answer

honestly

um no you can’t let kids get away with

anything

so please stop them i know that that’s

the requirement but i don’t

like aiming just towards kids when

let’s take a note from pixar and make it

for the whole family make it for adults

too

okay so like maybe some of this viking

stuff or whatever let’s add a little

blood and violence into the mix

don’t just like make it kid-friendly oh

yeah yeah

no i guess it could be like in the

middle of the lake

yes and we have viking funerals at

3 5 and 7 p.m nice and it’s one of those

things where

i mean it’s like like a lot of stores

this is going to be a

you know a store with a lake in it

with the viking funerals that’s gonna be

part of it uh no outdoor space that’s

that’s one requirement

there will be no outdoor space uh it’s

all indoors

yeah it’s like the size of a bass pro

yes like it’s

we got a it’s got to be a huge amount of

space that has a lake in it

um so what about the menu a rocket

we’re going to be feeding people oh yeah

the menu uh

what about tang because that’s space

stuff yeah

uh let’s have um what about like just

like boar

i assume vikings were probably eating a

lot of boar yeah

and um food paste for astronaut stuff

like they just

the the highly condensed packaged stuff

and

for cowboys we just have a bunch of hay

right cowboys

usually what they were going to be

munching on yeah so i think if you could

do

sort of a boar um food paste

sandwich oh yeah that’s a sort of like

hay on there as sort of like protection

besides my stomach oh i was saying on

the on the sandwich the borscht

oh yeah that’s smart yeah that’s smart

yeah it’s like almost like a california

burrito but

well yeah that’s why we were asked to

come up with us

so is that is that all we offer every

kid is eating this boar

food paste sandwich well what i do know

about kids is that none of them are

picky

so i think we’re good wait and when i

say bore

food paste do i mean like

there’s food paste and boar meat on

there or is this boar

flavored food paste more flavorful

yeah yeah but you want it to be in paste

form everything should be in paste form

to get with the space thing but okay so

this is like a go-gurt

because i was presenting it as like a

sandwich before but i might be changing

gears to sort of a go-gurt

and you the hay is you just kind of

munch on it with it

it’s like with like a pixie stick comes

with like the little white thing that’s

your head

here’s here’s um my pitch my idea

because i you know it’s dehydrated food

and then

we give them a cup of water you know and

then they rehydrate in real time

okay oh it’s like the little dinosaurs

that like grow big

yeah imagine like there’s so much appeal

to that yeah

and they’ll get to drink water and then

in the back

right crazy pitch a a viking

cowboy space jewelry store

okay see the benefits of that i mean if

we’re talking we’re talking bolo ties

we’re talking belt buckles

we’re talking astronaut bracelets we’re

talking

viking

tiaras yeah the little horns with little

diamonds in them

yeah moon moon rocks

you know i i was reluctant to have your

help

for this junior v but now i think you’ve

talked me into it like we do need to

have a jewelry store incorporated

thank you thank you i think vikings

would have like rolexes and sort of like

high-end watches a lot of times

it’s big i can convert to look good i’ve

done my research yes they did okay

okay so we’ve got the lake we’ve got

the food item so what

i mean what what’s left

oh yeah whatever you gotta have forgot

your name we gotta have what

a name and catchy name that’s true yeah

we do need a name

with us with a good slogan and do we

have enough space stuff

i feel like we don’t right so maybe we

should put

like a like an alien in there do we have

access to one of those

yeah we have access to a few but i was

can we even um

just to cover all of our bases can we

have

an alien that we hire uh but

have them in an astronaut full astronaut

costume so

you never actually can tell that they’re

an alien like it’s it looks like you

know

uh an earthling oh let’s see

tall you know like the little alien that

the seth rogen alien

okay so if we have tom hanks and paul

i we’re gonna have i mean there’s gonna

be lines

there’s gonna be two-person lines like

everywhere just like every side of this

building yeah

okay but to get to the alien

check it out this is good you’re gonna

have to find a way to get the alien

because he’s in the middle of a void so

you have to like

we have to dig like a hundred feet into

the earth okay that’s

just there’s like space so there’s just

a lot of space

as long as it isn’t technically outdoors

that was the specification

yeah down is fine okay wow we really

we really nailed this thing and so so

for the name

uh it’s a viking space cowboy

oh yeah and do we need to add maybe one

more cowboy thing because i feel like we

haven’t done

can we just have a horse that wanders

around the whole

that’s kind of exactly what i was

thinking was just sort of let it be a

horse free-for-all

yeah just roaming just no

saddle or anything um oh don’t touch

them they’ll bite you yeah

and kick yeah so okay that’s

great that’s great i’m actually starting

to think we don’t need to

know what i’d like i’d like to invest

i’m going to just take this nipple

uh diamond off and just put it right

here in the table and i’d like to

i’d like to i’d like to invest let me

just see if it’s

real here okay

okay don’t swallow yeah i mean

dr london i think this is a real half

diamond yeah sorry about your teeth

wow yeah it hurts okay

oh but i wanted to say if we’re doing

tom hanks if we’re doing paul

what about also if we’re getting horses

let’s get the war horse

okay from the war just from war horse

like the steven spielberg

okay okay the most famous horse of all

yeah that sounds great

you know i don’t know how much we’ll

have left after tom hanks and paul

but i just gave you half a diamond

that’s true that’s a horse worth

that will at least cover paul because i

think you can trick him that it’s worth

more than it is

yeah because he’s an alien he doesn’t

know that’s true

you can say this is worth a trillion

dollars and he’ll be like oh

yeah that does sound like him whoa wait

a second

can you do that again

okay why do we need do we really need we

got a

an impressionist here we can save a lot

of money

oh yeah we can cut down on a lot of

costs

if i just pretend to be paul and i can

be tom hanks

let’s hear it i mean can you give yeah

give me like uh there’s a snake in my

boots

look at the snake there’s snake right in

the boot

whoa hold on wait one more time

uh look there’s uh um in my

in my boot there’s a there’s a snake

what about now you’re you’re confronting

helen hunt about

remarrying after you were lost on the

island for so long

hey what’s up uh did you duh oh was that

is he are you at okay so so you’re with

but you do you wanna still

and see okay okay okay i’m sorry

this is just i think you’ve got the part

but just imagine this okay

you’re checking your computer it’s 1998

and meg ryan just sent you a just send

you a message

an e an electronic mail okay yeah yeah

okay okay i’m getting look at my email

okay

whoa yeah

i guess that just leaves so junior can

you do the horse then the war horse

that was wow that is a horse that has

seen some stuff some war

some maybe like world war one era stuff

i don’t remember what era that movie is

from and i never saw it

unlike me i i know it really well and

that’s why i’ve i’ve been chiming in so

much about it

well i feel like we’ve we’ve really

nailed this thing and it i’m sorry just

to clarify on the name of this

the store i don’t i don’t think it needs

a name at all i think people will know

you think just sort of like leaving it

ambiguous or do we want to like at least

have a symbol like

prince had when he was the artist

formerly known as france

uh i would i would yeah i would yeah we

i like that i like that uh what about a

slogan that’s logan’s good you

mcdonald’s has uh

i’m loving it burger king has you have

it your way

jack in the box has i’m jack so

i think it’d be helpful if the slogan

reminded people to not touch the horses

because they will bite you

let’s just sit can it be that yeah i

think that works out and that really

don’t touch the horse there it is there

it is don’t touch the horses because

they’ll bite you

yeah and that conveys the wild west

theme that conveys the viking and that

the space oh that’s great yeah it’s like

give the horse some space

he’s gonna bite you and we’ll have to

get

we’ll have to give you a viking funeral

it’ll be

after because the horse is gonna kill

you

hey okay okay now you put it in the

slogan uh

in the song theme i just did that whole

thing

don’t touch the horse because if you do

it’ll might have to kill you and then

you’re gonna end up dying and we’ll have

to do a viking funeral because you will

be

dead okay we [ __ ] nailed it wow we’re

good

i the mayor’s gonna be so happy for a

second before he comes up with another

task but you know what appeasing him

day by day is really what we’re having

to deal with the point of this show

that’s the only reason we do the show is

for

one listener the mayor yeah uh which you

know he pays up for the patreon so it’s

i can hardly complain he’s the only one

doing the one million dollar tier yeah

hello he’s got a million dollars uh

i think the mayor has a lot more than

that he has less than a million dollars

now

and cash jules uh

it’s probably mostly in stock i’m tied

up in patreon really

and a lot tied up into patreon

bummer and i think a pyramid scheme that

he’s been operating

yeah but he’s at the top oh yeah

no he’ll be fine yeah so um

i guess on that note we should kind of

uh bring things to a close here

uh oh sorry sorry we have to destroy the

chore wheel

um because every week of course we have

to change it to adapt to the new chores

so um dr london do you want to just

shoot it with your gun

yeah yeah so i and i you know i don’t

really

usually carry a gun but for the podcast

and for the for the chore wheel

obviously

uh so here we go

ow oh it just did it hit the bullet that

was already in there

yeah it ricocheted and hit my leg again

i’m bleeding

okay well maybe we’ll figure out a

hospital anyway um

so so chores done uh i feel like we’re

right at the end here so

um thank you so much to uh to junior the

fifth cameron

and is there any way for our listeners

to uh

keep up with you hear more from you or

from you know anyone you’re a fan of

yeah uh you can uh follow someone i’m a

big fan of

on instagram and other social medias

at uh paul already h-e-r-e-d-i-a

on instagram uh

do that same name backwards already at

underscore paul on twitter

and if you want tune in every friday to

a show called fake news

feel free to we’re also on tick tock

okay and where’s that show found

um youtube and facebook and

periscope okay okay and it’s it’s all

under your name or

whatever oh fake news comedy yeah okay

fake news comedy okay

um all right so that was uh junior the

fifth cameron uh

thank you to you know our guest thank

you to our producer cameron

uh tough to tell you guys apart at this

point but uh

thank you to did you do in the house

[Music]

do you take cryptocurrency

i could shoot you a few bits of a coin

[Music]

do you take cryptocurrency

i could shoot you a few bits of a coin

[Music]

i can shoot you a few bits of the coin

my name is Dr. londonsmith.com and this

has been

has been the jock doc podcast see ya