Hey kids, you are about to listen to a comedy podcast.
That means that none of this is medical advice.
if you need medical advice or medical care please

Contact your doctor

Welcome to the Jock Doc podcast featuring dr london

smith home of the number one

game show on the internet

introducing your host dr

london smith

hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast

where we discuss fitness and health and

how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring

i’m your host dr londonsmith.com

i’d like to begin by apologizing to our

listeners

we’ve received some feedback about the

excessive amount of technical medical

terms that i’ve been using

such as cheilosis and bonjour

so i will try to temper my terminology

to a simpler one in the future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron

welcome to the number one game show

on the internet it’s taken the world by

storm

dr london are you ready to get started

you are today’s first guest

on fishing a bear hole

fishing i’m sorry uh so this is

this is a medical education podcast i

don’t know if you’re bringing

dr london you are the first guest on

today’s episode

are you ready and it’s fish for your

question in a

do you say bear hole yes yeah

fish in a bear hole just like the famous

saying every answer

you get right is like a bullet that you

get

that you get to shoot at a fish in a

bear hole but if you get it wrong the

bear snatches it up

swallows it eats it before you get a

chance to

so it’s the internet’s number one game

show

get out of here wait wait don’t tell me

and your propaganda

paula poundstone telling me about

some fun fact about like candy

is i’m sick of it so is

to you is a bear are you ready for your

first question dr

london okay well could i ask a question

first

sure i guess just the stop the momentum

of the show

just to do what you want go ahead sir so

is a bear hole

the the mouth is the hole that makes up

the mouth of the bear

the bear hole is where the bear lives it

can be a cave

it can be like a hole in the ground

uh it could be i mean so usually a cave

right it could be a tent it like

so a fish no there’s no reason it

couldn’t be

a tent so it’s a fish in a tent or a

fish in a cave

is yeah which is a bear hole are you

ready

dr london for your first question

have you ever been to the mall

yes

are you sure about that let’s talk it

through

okay i so i’ve been to prove it

but i’ve been to the mall before prove

to me you’ve been to the mall

i’m not sure that i can like unless you

use a gps

track okay so i’m just i’m supposed to

take your word for it you can’t even

prove you’ve ever been to the mall

i yeah i well i

so i guess whenever i said i was ready

to answer these questions

i didn’t really understand that i was

going to be quizzed on just

where i’ve been i thought it was going

to be like a trivia question

are you are you locking in your answer

for yes yes

yes and then we can be done here because

this is

[Music]

dr london there’s no proof you’ve ever

been to the mall and unfortunately

this show is all about proof

okay so i guess

calling it like proof the bear ate the

fish

maybe calling it something proof related

would would make more sense if that’s

the whole

point because in that line of

questioning you never mentioned

you know anything about a bear or a fish

theme

anyway well no the bear the bear ate

your fish

that you were trying to shoot because

you got the answer the question

wrong okay and maybe i’m just not

quite following the metaphor very well

uh

but you know if it’s all right we can we

can kind of move on from there a little

bit

um so that was our producer cameron uh

also with us

is DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

[Music]

fish in a bear hole

[Music]

fish in a bear hole

fishing a bear hole

[Music]

and later cameron tells me we can expect

a special guest

that’s right dr london yeah so look

forward to that

um but before we move on i would like to

address a bit of listener feedback

i found this note spelled out in the sky

via skywriting the note reads quote

if mistakes make you stronger your

parents are

gods end quote

so um so first of all i would like to

thank you for reaching out to the jock

doc podcast

you know this this listener i

but this this note feels

a little less to me like a question

and a little bit more like an insult

or is it a suggestion

well okay so they said if mistakes make

you stronger

your parents are gods yeah

they’re suggesting that my my parents be

come gods or

already are yeah well okay well the

latter because

it implies to me that i am such a

mistake of a person

that if mistakes make you stronger than

my parents

made such a mistake in having me

that they must be all powerful

yeah i mean is that is that like far off

from

reality i i’m i’m no okay i’m not

hearing anything incorrect

okay so i should clarify my

two things i i really don’t see myself

as a mistake of a person

so that’s number one number two my

parents are not

all powerful nope

you know what god i hate ceres

the god of grain and rice uh

you say series

yeah she’d never be providing

i i guess i don’t have a strong opinion

on

which which type of mythology is is that

from

roman okay yeah i guess i don’t have a

strong opinion on it

but it seems like grain and rice would

be important

yeah they are important that’s why she’s

that’s why i hate her because she’s not

providing enough

okay well how’s your grain been doing

this year

probably not great the the grain that i

do

encounter is just like you know with my

meals

and it’s been fine i think

yeah but how’s your harvest oh see that

that’s what i’m saying i don’t actually

have a harvest

because i’m not a farmer your year’s

been that bad huh i’m so sorry

i don’t have i’ve had one of those years

before

but you know what i’ve bounced back

tenfold tenfold okay

yup i had to sell everything for ten

dollars and then just fold it up

just had to pack my bags and leave

leave the farm

okay well anyway thanks for listening

[Music]

now for today’s medical topic coal

workers pneumoconiosis

co-workers pneumoconiosis is an

environmental lung disease

that may cause some patients to develop

complicated pneumoconiosis

which is characterized by fibrosis

resulting in

restrictive lung disease it’s

it’s caused by an inhalation of coal

dust

which contains carbon and silica so

these

inorganic particles and mineral dust

from

the the coal they cause the lung to

react so it’s really it’s it’s this

reaction of inflammation within the

lungs

that causes this disease so on imaging

these patients will typically have um

small

rounded opaque cities dr london

are you ready for your second question

uh

well so i was in the middle of a medical

lesson so

could it could it wait i don’t know

can a million dollars wait

you’re gonna you’re gonna give me a

million dollars if i

if i answer the question no one said

that

that was not said and that can not be uh

anyone can be held accountable for that

now

okay

well so i asked so is it a yes or no

are you ready for your second question

dr london

okay okay what’s the question who

is the goddess of grain and rice

uh was it according to

roman mythology yes

am i allowed to ask clarifying questions

i guess okay no one’s ever asked that

before on this show

i’m gonna say series was it

you have never been to the mall you

cannot prove it

okay we’re back to that

i don’t understand why you’re lying

about this that’s what the weird part

i what does the sunglass hut look like

tell me

sunglasses filled with a lot of

sunglasses

and that’s it i mean please

i don’t well first of all what if i went

to a mall that didn’t have a sunglass

hut

if i if i sit in a chair you know in a

uh brookstone is that just gonna be a

normal chair or is it gonna be a chair

that’s gonna

like massage me and

like play funny songs or something i

think

it would be a massage chair is this

another question did i get it

okay well you did you did get that right

huh okay okay

so but i don’t know you you cannot

describe a sunglass hut

i’m just saying okay well on

imaging uh patients with co-workers

pneumoconiosis uh

they’ll have small rounded opacities

with a preference for the upper lobes of

the

lungs um they can also

well they’ll have a poor prognosis

because

there are very few treatment options

available aside from

you know lung transplantation so

best to avoid you know working in

uh conditions that will cause you to be

breathing in this uh this contaminated

air with inorganic particles

would you say uh since you’ve been to it

and you’ve experienced it would you say

a mall would be one of those locations

since you know what the air is like in

there because we’ve been no

a mall would not typically be full of

you know long destructive

coal dust can you prove it

uh i mean i i guess like what happened

to the scientific method

that’s all i’m saying go ahead with your

i don’t even want to say a lesson i

guess because it’s not

i don’t without proof i mean i can’t i

can’t endorse

it i can call it a

gibberish or um you know

yep okay well i scam i guess i finished

the medical lesson

abuse maybe

oh it’s over yeah okay

okay

[Music]

oh that that it being over one

that was correct okay so now you’re only

at negative one

wow million dollars made a lot of

progress here

okay well if it’s all right with you we

can move on

from there that’s fine with me

doctor london.com

london.com not londonsmith.com

i is that supposed to be mean

i don’t know

sort of just wanted to gauge your

reaction and then decide what to do with

it from there

right okay yeah well let’s let’s go

ahead and move on then

all right uh cameron you said that we

have a guest today is that right

that’s right dr london we have a very

special guest today

actually i’m gonna go ahead and say one

of my favorite guests of all

time easily okay

i that sounds great so this is a medical

practitioner

uh it could be don’t know okay

haven’t spoken to them but my god

they’re one of my faves okay well let’s

see if they can

i guess hold on to that title even

though it sounds like they

there’s no qualifications for that okay

uh hello there uh hi hi can you hear me

is this on

yeah yeah i think we can hear you um uh

what what was your uh what was your name

hey hey my name’s clifford morris i’m

from

savannah georgia i work on a shrimp and

boat okay

uh well my name is dr londonsmith.com

and this is our producer cameron

hi hey does nasta nice to nice to

finally talk with y’all

hi ashley nice to finally talk to you

too have you been have you been waiting

to talk to us for a while ah well uh

it took me a while to get the call

through i’d call in because i found your

ad

on uh the facebook and i saw that it

said

uh if you have medical symptoms to call

dr

london smith uh let me actually let me

look at the ad the ad said

the greatest doctor who ever lived and

can solve all your problems

and then i was wondering where i’d heard

that before and i recognized it from the

google ads

and the billboard that was outside and

uh

i was just impressed it looked like all

of this ad copy was

very expensive i was impressed you all

would spend that much

yeah well and it’s strange to

uh it seems very targeted actually

cameron have you been targeting this

particular

individual with our advertising

uh yeah i’ve been into this new thing

called gang stalking

and basically what you do is it’s a form

of stalking that’s less like oh i’m

gonna follow you around and spy on you

and more just

make crazy stuff happen all the time

that like

kind of manipulates people to do

whatever i want

and it just happens to be that whatever

i want 99 of the time is to get someone

to listen to this podcast

so it’s not specific it’s very broad

it’s it’s it’s random

yeah but i did notice the you your ad

was both results on

every single thing i googled for the

last week so

uh that makes sense yeah that’s right

and you if you’ll also notice

uh like if you open up microsoft word

and start writing something

every other sentence you write is going

to be something about

this podcast and that’s just the power

of technology

uh i don’t know clifford do you prefer

mr morris or clifford

oh clifford’s fine okay clifford uh

yeah so so what what made you call in

today

besides the you know aggressive ad

campaign

yeah well since you’re a doctor and can

uh solve

medical mysteries according to the ads i

was wondering if you could weigh in

on some stuff that i’ve been

experiencing

that seems to be confusing the people in

this town so

um for the last couple weeks i’ve had a

rash growing

on my arms and my legs and uh ooh

yeah it’s uh it’s real itchy and then

it’s getting real uh

real hard actually like it’s uh i can i

can click it and if i tap my nails on it

like it makes it it makes a little

clicky sound

and uh it’s been spreading slowly

how much of you has been consumed by

this rash so far what are we talking

centimeter-wise

um i would say like half of them

half of my centimeters okay

yeah yeah started uh started arms and

legs has been slowly working its way

working its way to the middle um

also my breath has been real bad and i

can’t seem to do anything about it

no matter how much a brush how much a

gargle the breath just uh

won’t get any better um

i’ve been having some i mean that could

be that could be dietary right i mean

what have you been eating lately

it is true my uh i have been eating a

kind of different diet lately i’ve been

wanting just real real earthy things

i’ve had

black coffee been having some real uh

real weird teas i’ve been eating uh i

think the kids call them bonito flakes i

think they’re

seaweed or something from the asian

market and uh when i’ve been on the boat

i’ve been helping myself to the

earthworms every now and then

huh okay could we i mean that’s all

sounds pretty normal to me i mean dr

london that’s a is

is that a normal diet or your diet is

strange teas

some chips coffee

and earthworms from your

your shrimp boat yes um yeah yeah

do you or do you cook the earthworms

ah no not really just uh

you know just so that part that part to

me sounds odd

okay just yeah but

whoa whoa hold on a second you can’t

judge what people want to eat

yeah it sounds odd yeah it’s weird as

hell dr linda i i recognize that

but is that going to cause his breath to

stink so bad okay so on a medical level

okay i didn’t realize this was the make

fun of our guest

show yeah i get i just wanted to

establish

you know and and confirm what you wanted

to establish yourself as the boss

all right i know so

so clifford when did these symptoms

start

wouldn’t you start noticing a change did

anything happen prior to

the symptoms starting uh let’s see

[Music]

uh they were happening yesterday

i started noticing the rash getting

bigger after one of the times

i woke up outside standing by the water

you know after having one of the dreams

that you have about

wanting to go home to the fish kingdom

i after one of those dreams i noticed

the rash was getting bigger

okay well let’s can we go back to when

you

first like around the time when you

first noticed the rash at all

okay well let’s see

uh i guess it was when i just

it was a couple weeks ago i just gotten

home from

a fishing trip we caught a bunch of

stuff

and it was a pretty good pretty good

fishing day

a bunch of stuff like fish right

yeah yeah we caught all kinds of shrimp

we caught uh

lots of different trips we got tiger

shrimps cherry shrimps

amano shrimps yup uh

we did get that one haul that had a

bunch of just fish heads in it

that was weird i just i remembered that

one because that one had the jade idol

in it

um maybe caught some clams well clamps

clams can go bad pretty easily that is

true is this a clam is this a clam rash

i thought it might be a clam rash

well let’s how many clams are you

consuming each day

uh well i’m not eating them we just

caught a bunch of them

i tried to eat them i just i can’t eat i

can’t eat seafood anymore it’s been

actually ever since about that day

really it’s been

earthworms and coffee huh so you

mentioned something about a

a jade idol oh yeah yeah yeah yeah

that’s what we caught the uh

there was this neat little neat little

statue that we caught

and uh i took it home and i put it on my

bed stand because i thought it looked

nice it’s got this

uh it’s got like a fish looking person

on it

and i can’t read the words on it but it

looks uh

it looks nice on my look nice on my bed

stand helps me find the the bathroom at

night because

you know when the eyes start glowing i

can see in the dark and it’s nice and

red so it you know doesn’t wake me up

have you ever i know you can’t make

sense of what

whatever it says on the idol but have

you ever like tried to read it

no if i get too close to it i get a

headache real bad so i haven’t been

reading

much you know and yeah i mean doctor

i did ask i did ask a friend to look at

it he’s a preacher down at the local

the local church but as soon as he got

into my bedroom he just started crying

and uh he left and he won’t talk to me

anymore so

i don’t know yeah i mean it’s this it’s

this generation i know and

they’re i mean they’re weak you know and

they’re they’re unwilling to

to put up with the tough stuff yeah so

it’s and i figured just because my

breath was bad

but yeah and that i mean that i haven’t

smelled your breath but that could

possibly be i mean dr linda are we what

are we are we talking i mean is this

diabetes is this claustrophobia is this

no i mean what is this no this doesn’t

sound like

diabetes or claustrophobia but okay so

your diet sounds more like a symptom

than a cause like you have halitosis

um you have this this rash did you

notice anything else like did you

come into contact with some new people

or anyone else who had

these sort of symptoms

no everyone on the boat seemed pretty

happy to let me

take it uh okay my

oh to take the statue to take the statue

and um it’s actually been pretty much

just me at home

because my human wife said that she

wanted to go stay with her mom for a

while

you s you you specify human wife is

there

yeah yeah you know you’re human is there

another wife or is this

yeah yeah you know the one that uh the

human wife is the one that holds you

over before you find your true mate when

you go home to the fish kingdom

yeah i mean i guess that’s true well i

cameron let’s not normalize that

that’s so or or fish husband you know

i’m

i’m sorry i misspoke yeah

so it’s more the fish kingdom references

that are okay before

you i mean we’re talking about seattle

right

uh maybe i think that’s one of them

um did and i don’t want to start

thinking those terms because it’s sort

of it it’s not as

i guess science medical but

did you have these kinds of you know

weird

dreams or diet issues before

or you know thoughts of your wife as

your human wife before the statue

let me let me see because i definitely

had those

dreams last night and the night before

that

okay the week before that i was having

them

before the statue uh

before the st um i don’t actually

remember a whole lot

before the statue oh just in general

yeah let me oh wait hold on hold on no i

remember now

i i remember before the statue i

remember

i remember the war i remember

i remember when we knew that the humans

were advancing

and we had to retreat and we knew to

send our kingdom

back to the seas and planned our revenge

and then i did

i took fiddle lessons in high school i

wasn’t good at those

and are you sure i mean did you eat any

bad clams i’m still i’m stuck on the

clam thing

uh you know i told people that i thought

it was the clams i just

but i kept i googled clam rash google

clam dreams and i’m getting nothing so i

don’t know

yeah yeah well okay so you have some

some amnesia you have halitosis

you have appetite changes you think of

your wife

as more of your human wife

now specifically

like as an important differentiation i

right as you do

i want to talk about the eyes glowing on

this statue that’s what interests me

okay i mean is there any any other

attribute on it that’s similar like does

anything change does anything

move does anything light up or make a

sound or um no i don’t i’ve never

seen it moving it does end up uh

different places

and sometimes when i wake up and i’m

in the water it’s there with me

oh yeah you’ve been talking about so

you’ve been having

these specific dreams for i mean the

last couple weeks

yeah i mean those are the dreams you

have right about home in the sea so have

you been have you been waking

up in the water after every single one

of these dreams uh yeah

or close to it like on the beach in the

water uh sometimes just on my way it

depends it’s been getting further

uh every time it seems

i mean dr london they didn’t go over

this in your residency

they okay so i think the furthest i’ve

gotten

is uh about two three hundred yards out

yeah okay well i can tell you so far at

least

you know in my education they never

mentioned

when you wake up from a dream about

the you know water fish kingdom

how far you moved in your sleep that

like that

did not come up okay is it just usually

like if you moved or not

or it’s where you moved or

you know most of which is how far

underwater you are

no this as i said a little bit earlier

this sounds like it’s branching off from

conventional medicine as as i understand

because

okay you were talking about this rash

do you have a history of rashes or

eczema

anything like that uh well let me see if

i think back

if i try to think back far enough

i remember that this vessel was perfect

and it will return home and it will join

the others

and soon we will have the sacrifices we

need

to raise our god from his slumber and

take back the land

so yeah it doesn’t sound like an eczema

issue because

they it’s looking for a perfect vessel

and obviously

if our friend here what do you mean

eczema i mean

just like the vessel in general i i

guess i don’t know

like the shipping the fishing vessel i

don’t know

okay you’re the doctor didn’t they go

over this on residency

this flash vessel it has been chosen

okay to join its kind yeah this flash

vessel so

he’s not gonna have eczema so it can’t

be that i’m still

i’m thinking it’s the clams um now what

have your thoughts been lately

i have been thinking of returning him

home

and joining him with his true mate and

leaving

their souls in the tower

okay i’m not sure

if okay cameron can i can i kind of

sidebar with you for a second

yeah sure can you uh clifford could you

hold on for just a moment

oh yeah yeah i’m good what are you

talking about

here do you want to play some games on

my phone while we uh while we talk

oh sure sure yeah here just go ahead

okay so cameron i’m not sure what

okay i guess it sounds a little bit like

multiple personality disorder

so i mean you don’t think it’s just that

he

he you don’t think there’s legitimacy to

the this talk of like the statue

influencing him well that that just

doesn’t sound really

you know like like real life that sounds

like some

you know something out of a movie so

okay so you’re unwilling to believe in

something that you didn’t learn in

residency is that what we’re hearing now

it’s a bunch of good fishing games on

here

yeah and that was a good call cameron to

download this fishing games uh

so it’s the i mean

the the physical symptoms i can see are

concerning

on this you know this video called that

the rash being like it

it does look like it’s sort of

encrusting him

yeah and i mean have you not noticed the

like

gills that are on his throat yeah

i guess i just thought that was maybe he

was cosplaying or something

or larping i um

anyway sorry you need to open up your

mind a little bit today

okay do you wanna okay dr london

yes mr london we no longer require your

assistance

okay yeah that’s that’s that’s what i’m

being told here

from as well perfectly fine

in fact we are perfect and beautiful

well that’s very that’s a good way to

think of yourself you know

a lot of people struggle with

self-esteem and

it is important to think you know highly

of yourself

you have been very kind we will remember

you

when the new order is being established

and the sea

reclaims the land oh that’s so sweet

i appreciate it so what’s your what’s

your end goal here clifford i mean

we keep hearing about you wanting to go

to seattle right i assume that’s the

fish kingdom

and yes you’ve seemed to have uh kind of

a close relationship with this kind with

the statue what

i mean what does that mean to you now

the statue

is our progenitor it goes to the land

and it finds proper vessels and it has

found it and it will aid us

in restoring the natural order of the

universe

where we once again rule this planet

[Music]

okay yeah some more yeah it’s just the

cl i mean the clams i think

the clams have long been an issue

yeah i think i you really got to check

the expiration on that stuff and i know

it’s hard to check the expiration when

you’re getting it straight from the

ocean

um but i know it’s on there i think it’s

just if you look underneath that

you should be able to we will discuss

this see like a best friend

god he is very unagreeable

yeah they all are i know we were just

talking about this green and rice girl

it blows my mind oh you deal with the

land gods

i cannot even imagine

yeah i like well personally i don’t deal

with a lot of

you know gods that doesn’t he doesn’t

have any crops to harvest

so so clifford can i talk to

clifford i will see

what remains of him

oh oh oh what what happened i had the

bird almost knocked the tower thing over

and

what’s going on oh yeah on the the phone

game so

so clifford oh um i’m i’m sorry i

changed your

phone settings somehow it’s got the

i think i switched the language i’m

sorry i can’t read it it’s

it looks familiar though

yeah the same kind of writing that’s on

that that statue of yours

yeah yeah that’s where i’ve seen this

okay yeah well cameron i don’t know if

you can change those settings back

i’m sorry i’m not very good with

technology i don’t know what i did i

hope you can figure it out

you guys run the the podcast it looks

like it’s the same

sort of ancient barbaric language

that’s on the statue i mean it says it’s

set to french-canadian

i thought that’s what that might be so

uh so clifford what i’m thinking is that

maybe there’s some sort of multiple

personality disorder going on

maybe some well cameron was saying

you’re possessed by something

that or cursed i don’t know

it’s not it’s getting a little um it’s

actually kind of hard to breathe in here

um can i get uh do you have a do you

have a glass of

or like a bowl of water or something oh

yeah just like a bowl of water like a

dog

like a dog bowl you have kind of like a

dog bowl

yeah yeah yeah oh good good oh i see it

i see it i see it

all right i’m just gonna lay my head

down in this for a little bit keep

talking keep talking

he’s just going for it

so this helps

someone we’re thinking that you maybe

should

um maybe get rid of that sketch or at

least i’m thinking this get rid of that

statue do not

tell him to get rid of the statue yeah

doctor london you can’t

i’m sorry what oh i didn’t i didn’t

catch that

you can’t be telling our guests like

what they can need to get rid of like i

know we all have a lot of clutter at

home but you that’s not

for your job to dictate what people keep

and what people throw out i mean

you’re a doctor but you’re not you know

an organizer well

okay to to put it in sort of clinical

terms

whenever you have say you know allergies

and it’s from your rug or it’s from

you know some other object in your house

that’s

that has all these allergens you’ll

usually

if it’s really causing you a lot of

trouble like this rash clifford do you

have a statue with your dreams

uh yeah yeah i never i never let go of

it can we see it

oh sure yeah let me get it out of my bag

here

and uh ah

there it goes oh see it’s lighting up

yeah don’t look right at it don’t look

right

it’s blinding it’s okay

oh all right it’s getting real hot it’s

getting real hot i’m gonna put that yeah

i can feel the heat

all right all right it’s it’s it’s back

in the back it’s back in the back

okay yeah you can get rid of that oh i

don’t know though

it’s kind of nice

also i’ve tried to get rid of it before

and it finds me so i kind of just gave

up oh yeah i mean what happened

oh just you know i uh took it out the

boat once

threw it into the sea and then uh

when it uh when i woke up the next day

it was uh back in my room

[Music]

oh that’s that’s concerning yeah well

you know

i had that happen with a cat once yeah i

just figured it was time to

time to keep it yeah i mean like it’s

okay

it’s chosen you to be its forever home

yeah yeah you you try to throw a cat

into the ocean

yeah no they can swim it was i just

wanted him to show him that business

yeah people don’t know about that but

like the cat’s hating water

thing is actually an urban legend and

actually all cats can swim

faster than they can walk wow

so everyone listening all of our

listeners if let’s i mean

you can experiment with this at home and

it can be something kind of fun take

your cat

and just throw it in any body of water

that you can find

i i think toy listeners you know maybe

don’t do that because they in my

experience

cats are actually they dislike you know

being in london i i don’t dr london

can i talk to you for a second yeah

yeah we already uh uh hey hey return

clifford can you hear i’ve got like i’ve

got tony hawk

bass pro fisher you can play

on playlist dr london

do you i want to look at the statue

again so bad

do you have that is do you have that

like desire burning in you right now

i really want to look at that statue i

don’t like

i can’t stop thinking about it right are

you thinking about it you’re thinking

about it right too right

yeah but we i i don’t think it’s healthy

i

i just like yes but don’t you

i want to see it again i just want to

look at it again but for a second

for like i don’t how can it be unhealthy

it can’t be unhealthy for a second

a lot of things can be unhealthy for

just a second yeah

no we can’t do it we have to be stronger

than that okay okay

we’ll be stronger i got it okay okay

okay back to hey i have completed your

game

thank you hey can we see the statue

again just for a second

no no your vessels are not worthy

oh good what good we don’t

we should not be can explain why

the statue has judged you it is not up

to me

yeah but there’s no like there’s no

reason

i just feel so rejected

is it my hair remained out calamity

would have followed this it might be the

hair

i don’t know it’s picky i shouldn’t have

gone for the skrillex

look 10 years later

i thought it was i thought it was time

for 2011 nostalgia but apparently not

no skrillex hair yeah that’s

that’s actually it’s very particular

about that

well whatever

okay well okay it sounds like we’re not

going to be able to

really make a lot of headway here

as i said no headway is required the

vessel is perfect

i mean it sounds like everything’s kind

of worked itself out right

no i i feel like there’s someone history

has been righted

this has been very productive and that

is one of the things we

kind of hope for with our listeners is

that they walk away from the show after

listening

feeling like they’ve they’ve actually

done something there’s so many of these

podcasts where you’re like did i just

waste an hour of my life

but because this show is about education

and about

medicine and about new cultures and new

people

and statues and i want to see the statue

and if you show me the statue just for

one sec like i just want to see it for

one second

i just want to see the statue the world

is not prepared

yeah and that’s all right um read

cameron just use your word yeah it’s

just like the um

i just i don’t even want to look at it

good

you shouldn’t even like try to show it

to me because i like i don’t even wanna

i don’t even wanna see it more than

anything good

okay i do not believe you everyone wants

to see the beauty of the statue

i’m sorry so i feel like we are talking

to two people who is

who are we talking to now my name

is not pronounceable by human tongues

cliffford

morris that

is actually pretty close okay well

that’s that’s how you introduced

yourself to us

earlier so okay so anyway clifford

um clay for

[Music]

so whichever of you really we if we have

a

part of the podcast now there’s

we okay so we spent a year kind of

avoiding the podcast

chores like they’re just all these

chores to do around

oh is that you’re segwaying into the

chore wheel i had no idea what was going

on that is a flawed

race dr london you’ve got to work on

your segways

here watch watch me do it okay

you just just talk about something okay

so

um co-workers pneumoconiosis ah

man you know what i you know what i

forgot to do the other day

is i forgot to do the dishes sometimes i

forget about the chores i need to do

you know what that reminds me of dr

londo uh co-workers pneumoconiosis

no and then you say what does that make

you think of cameron

what does that make you think of cameron

it makes me think of the chore wheel

we got to finish these chores we’ve got

a bunch of chores that we’ve been

putting off

and we got to spin the wheel hopefully

just get it done

don’t have to deal with it anymore okay

so let’s go ahead and spin the wheel

[Applause]

[Music]

and okay so the task is

make the best dating profile oh man i

knew we were gonna have to do this one

i’ve put this one off for so long i do

not understand the task

we’re gonna create dating profiles

it’s a chore so a chore is a task

that you undertake it’s sort of your

responsibilities like

say if you have to go

to a fish kingdom that’s that could be a

chore

that can be a chore um dating we should

probably explain dating

okay so so you referenced your

human um

[Music]

mate right yeah

so to find one of those you’ll

use uh you know potentially you could

use a dating app

a dating application on your phone um

and you’ll just to use that to have

someone select you this is terrible okay

you know how sometimes a seahorse

impregnates like the male seahorse and

then

yeah and you also okay so and do you

also know

the uh tony hawk bass pro machine

that you were playing on earlier yes i

have completed it

so it’s that but it’s on there

i understand okay you get

dr london this is my job right yeah

speaking of the people translating your

genius

to the masses yep okay so

the perfect dating or sorry the best

that’s what it says the best

dating profile all right dr linda do you

want to start

yeah so i guess at the start a classic

thing for these

so you’ll put your height um

yeah so go ahead and put your height but

you wanna like

they’re expecting you to exaggerate a

little bit okay so this is like so i

mean let’s like some people do let’s go

and do like five foot

seven like you’ll put like

nine foot twelve i

no i wrote i wrote i blot out the sun

with my might

okay yeah i think that can work

i think i mean i think a lot of people

like assertive people especially in the

in the dating sphere

yeah um

yeah i mean i i would go with that maybe

could you add maybe like an emoji after

that to

be a little more playful about it

[Music]

i am looking at the emojis on your tony

hawk machine

yeah what uh what about

the um the

this one is a little this one is a

little monkey

i have added the monkey okay that works

okay um okay so we’ve done our

heights oh you have to list what the the

shows

that people like to watch you just list

them

right yeah your tv shows yeah to make

sure that you’re relatable because then

if you can both like the same shows and

you can sit on a couch

with a person in the future and imagine

watching

the show with them i enjoy watching the

unworthy vessels

fight for the right to return to the

surface in shame

okay yeah so so just to warn you there’s

a character

what was that i haven’t seen that okay

yeah well

i mean to me the bigger point because

you only have so much space

to to put the show so you might want to

find a way to shorten that title yeah

like maybe

maybe just put down monk monk that is

also good

that is my second favorite thing to

watch okay and then i’m gonna go ahead

and put down

i’m trying to think because i it needs

to be sort of impressive

right but not like snobby or pretentious

yes so peaky blinders

or elmo’s world the segment within

sesame street that’s dedicated to

elmo right

because then it shows that like then

like i’m not

i’m not like too snobby to like

have some uh you know

low-class quote-unquote media

yeah yeah i guess okay so so for you

it’s going to be elmo’s world

which is a segment within a children’s

show yep okay

okay for me i i want to let them know

that i can be

silly okay so

[Music]

so but but also educational so

animaniacs

yeah i mean i guess you aren’t confusing

the brain

what that not pinky in the brain that

like deals directly with intelligence

well that’s the same

that’s the segment the same people

that’s with a segment within the show

that also became its own show that’s

true

i i’m sorry if i don’t want to hone in

too much i want to be

broad to catch more

people okay you should also watch the

vessels fight it meets your criteria

for silly and educational right right

okay so okay so we’ve got

our hi we gotta do we gotta do our picks

too

oh yeah the pictures so let me get a

picture of you dr london

here put put your hand there

okay on my heart okay and then put your

foot

there okay on the stool more more

forward

okay more forward okay more forward

okay more forward

okay and then turn your head okay well

now i’m on the ground

yeah turn your head that this is perfect

turn your head that way

okay now put your other hand

where your foot uh the other foot is

okay so i feel like i’m just wrapped

around behind

my body now okay can you hold that for

for a little bit while i take this pic

okay well now you’re just taking a

picture of your

a selfie no well here let me uh okay

are you taking it with me or hold on

hold on i’m out of film

one second oh okay that’s not

all right all right

okay

but for the listeners at home the reason

it’s taking so long is it is the type of

camera where

cameron does have to go under a blanket

thing

and it’s a it’s a literal fire for the

flash

and so that’s why it’s taking a bit to

change things out

so let me just swap out the light bulb

i will place a picture of the statue and

we will find

more worthy oh cameron your lucky day

now this is interesting i’m trying to

take look at

look at this dr london i’m trying to

take a picture of clifford in the statue

look at it hold on should i i’m going to

hold it up

actually yeah it’s

it’s it’s changing as i look at it

for one thing yeah it’s becoming like

it’s like

powder but visually yeah

i i don’t know if we should put this

online

oh cheese say cheese cheese

hold on the smoke sorry

good it worked you will have noticed the

statue absorbed all light

because it came from the camera

yeah and i think that’s really gonna

help with uh the lighting in the

pictures too which is gonna be really

awesome

excellent now dr london what if we we

need to add

um our education because and like our

employment

okay yeah because no one wants no one

wants to you know

not know what they’re getting into

financially right isn’t that the whole

point of dating is to

find someone rich and not not so much

for me but maybe for you

i would say for most people so i’m going

to go ahead i want to

i want to kind of imply that i’m rich

but i’m not naive i’m not going to just

hand it out

so so it needs to be like wealthy but

like

confident so i’m thinking

it so prices at build-a-bear

have been rising rapidly over the last

decade and they were

always expensive to begin with and so i

have to imagine the amount of income

coming into that place has to be

incredible

okay i thought you were going to say

something like you know a yacht

captain you know something that

why not both i mean think of the cruises

that could benefit

from having a build-a-bear within it oh

that’s what you mean by both

is you’ll you’ll work the register

as well as drive the yacht

yep so i’m just gonna okay let’s so i’m

gonna put down

build a bear um

uh specialist

or

overlord or

oh build a bear sommelier

and um captain cruise captain

okay i mean uh in london what do you

want to put for yours

what um yeah it’s a doctor i’m gonna

put that i’m a doctor

that’s no one’s going to like that it’s

got to be spicier you think podcast host

is better

it is i mean it’s definitely more

impressive than being a doctor but i

still there’s got to be something more

to it maybe you’re like the

maybe you’re like dr danger what about

have you thought about rebranding to

something like that

no i it that doesn’t seem

like that would be helpful for you know

but

when you say rebrand do you mean change

my name

just like change how people view you

people right now view you as this

nine foot doctor

who sucks and if we

kind of look towards the future and we

can sort of see

how things would be better if we

rebranded as a dr danger

or a what about dr diplomatic

that could be fun um

doctor diabetic i mean there’s options

here but there’s a lot of d

words in the dictionary okay dictionary

i mean

all of these are better than just doctor

well for now

maybe i’ll just put put a doctor just

for the moment and then we can

troubleshoot later

if that’s all right i’m just gonna put

doctor dictionary

they’ll figure it out i have put my

title as harbinger

i was educated in the horrors of war and

i learned

from the hate that burned within me as i

saw my brethren

slain on either side of me harbinger

okay i haven’t heard of that specific

station

uh okay but you know work is work i

guess

it is a very prestigious prank okay

yeah i know like i guess harbinger

overlord

is overlord kind of just like a lord

like a just a title that a person can

have

regardless of their employment yes we

have overlords of many tasks

okay with the overlord of vessel

retrieval we have the overlord

of strategic planning for the eventual

new kingdom

okay and we have the overlord of toy

workshops

for the children okay which is what i

assumed it was

the station on the boat

yeah and the overlord elton john

the overlord like all those types of

yes it maps nightly it maps correctly

into your society as well

yeah okay um

is there anything else to make the best

dating profile

do you usually have like a joke or a

quip

yeah i mean i i think you can show

you’re funny i think that’s

that helps to sell yourself a little bit

so like what if i put

um what if i put

like like mentally deranged

are you wanting so we said it was a

funny thing do you want to

i mean it’s like funny right because

it’s like every

everyone’s like oh you’re so crazy oh

dude that dude’s insane

so what if what if i’m like uh

medically technically i’m insane

but i’ve been i’m on good medication now

and i’ve been permitted

out of the hospital and have some

some pill emotions and a syringe

yeah i have put that my second language

is quotes from the office and that i

enjoy hiking and hanging out with

friends

this will show that i am quirky and

approachable

that does sound good and a lot of people

have you could like

have you considered maybe mentioning

that you speak sarcasm

uh yes i have added that to my list of

languages

um that’s good uh for me

what’s uh what’s a i don’t really joke

much so i don’t know what i can what i

could say for that

like okay we’ll put just put down this

joke put down knock knock

knock knock okay yeah who’s there

so will they do i just put knock knock

and then

if they message me they’ll they will

have to say who’s there

uh you could try that my only concern

would be when they’re reading knock

knock

they think someone’s at the door and so

they just go and check get distracted

and don’t even remember to message you

okay i feel like that’s because that

gives me some time

to figure out the knock knock joke

that’s true yeah

cause like because i’m obviously i’m

blanking right now but if

if i put knock knock now i’m

sure i’ll think of something by the time

someone likes me

yeah well i mean let’s just set it up

knock knock who’s there

how about um how about uh uh

samurai and then just figure something

out

and then yeah okay and just figure it

out from there yeah just later

okay you don’t have to worry about it

now

just put that part of it so you’re

saying and then when they’re like what’s

the punch line to the joke you can

you just make it up okay to prove that

you’re funny

okay well that’s that’s a potential yeah

okay so i’ll put

i think i’ll put knock knock for now

though and then yeah

i’ll get to that okay i’m telling you

they’re gonna think someone’s at the

door

but okay okay all right well

is that is that a full best profile is

that what it looks like

yeah i mean i think we’re gonna get a

lot of matches guys i’m i’m proud of us

i have already received thousands

oh wow

the coming age greatly thank you for

your assistance

i gotta know what’s your type my type

i like strong-willed warriors who will

stand by my side

in the coming age they also

have to not be into drama oh yeah

i hate drama i know

cameron’s always calling me you know

right after he’s talked to some

some whatever well he’ll call them a

bimbo or something he’ll call me up

and just go on and on about their drama

and how he hates it

and how they’ve been they’ve been doing

all these stupid things all the time

and stirring up trouble around him and

he just hates that drama

and i can’t even watch tnt because they

know

drama yeah that’s how much it makes me

sick to my stomach

you don’t think i want to watch animal

kingdom oh yeah it’s only

it’s most of what you talk about but i

can’t

even bring myself to do it

sony i mean i can add that to my profile

too

hate drama uh i am really

clinically insane i don’t think i’m

dangerous anymore

uh but it’s always hard to tell okay let

me just

punch that in all right i mean i think

we’re

we’re at a good place can we can we

check this chore off the list i think

i think we’re any anything else from

clifford i am giving

my matches instructions they will soon

all be home in the sea

well okay so it sounds like you’re

you’re also com finished with yours

okay so we can um we can check that off

the list

and now we’re done with the wheel dj

dylan can we get a

can we get to check that off the list

sound all right

that was good i like that we’re gonna

we’re gonna use that in the we’re gonna

keep using that okay

well i guess we’re i guess we’re about

finished um

so clifford uh is there any way for

people to

you know follow you after this to keep

up with you i know you talked about

you have sort of a movement that you’re

trying to do

yes all who are worthy will receive a

messenger in their dreams

okay show them the location of their

homes

and they will find the kingdom that they

belong to

also i am on twitter my handle

is skip sandwich because we do not

consume bread or meat or meat that is

fair reasoning

uh all right can we talk to um clifford

for a second i just want to see if he

wants to plug anything

all right i will see if he is still

available oh my god guys you gotta help

me you gotta get him out of here i don’t

know what’s happening

i’ve just been in i’ve just been in so

much pain for the last few minutes

i saw i saw fish i saw demons

he is no longer available

oh we just missed him okay all right

well um

anyway i think that’s i think that’s it

for now uh

thank you to our guest today uh clifford

morris or i guess

clifford dr london

are you ready for question number three

uh okay what’s the next question

who is your favorite spice girl

my favorite spice girl

uh

i i don’t remember them well enough to

really make a judgment that’s correct

no one can remember the spice girls no

one remembers what their

individual names are and that is the

correct answer dr

london you have never been to a mall

okay so ignorance was the answer

to this game show question

tell me what a lids is what is a lids

i oh wha what are the type of store what

is it

it’s a store in a mall called lids what

is it

i i don’t know what do they sell there

yeah because you’ve never been okay so

anyway thank you

to um as i said to our guest thank you

to

our producer cameron thank you to

digital mahouse

[Music]

i remember the war i remember

i remember when we knew that the humans

were advancing

and we had to retreat and we knew to

send our kingdom

back to the seas and plan our revenge

[Music]

i remember the war

i remember the war

[Music]

do not get rid of the statue get rid of

the statute

[Music]

[Music]

oh

my name is dr lennonsmith.com and this

has been

the jock duck podcast see ya

[Music]

you inch forward along the ledge the

wind whipping at you intermittently

throwing you off balance every time

climbing out of that window

wow it really feels like almost a

mistake at this point

but you shake your head to lose a

thought which of course

makes you lose balance again for a

moment you cast your gaze

downward to the dizzying height below

so now you’re also dizzy you wait for

your vision to settle

and you take another step forward yes

you can see it now

the candy bar wrapper is caught in a

chipped portion of this upcoming corner

you take another step forward then reach

down toward the rapper

but the wind whips at you again and you

nearly fall to your

literal death what an awful way to go

you take another step forward reach down

and finally

grasp the candy bar rapper your

co-workers can make fun of you all they

want

but when you say you have a zero

tolerance policy towards littering

and one of them throws trash out the

window you are

bound to be headed out of that same

window to prevent the progression

of such a transgression speaking of

saving the planet

don’t forget to leave a five star review

of the jock dock podcast in which you

share about your firm stance on

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