Hey kids you’re about to listen to a

comedy podcast that means that none of

this medical advice if you need medical

advice medical care please contact your

doctor

welcome to the jock doc podcast

featuring

dr london smith he’s a doctor

a great host but most importantly a

lover

and if there’s any ladies out there

looking for love tonight

look no further because the doctor is in

baby

i know valentine’s day has passed but

there’s still time to find love at last

so let me introduce your host dr

london smith

he’s a great catch yes

hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast where we discuss

fitness and health and how to

incorporate our modern understanding of

science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring

i’m your host dr londonsmith.com i’d

like to begin

by apologizing to our listeners we’ve

received some feedback about the

excessive amount of technical medical

terms that i’ve been using

such as retroperitoneal hematoma and

post-valentine’s day so i’ll try to

temper my terminology to a simpler one

in the future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron good evening dr

london this is sort of an odd podcast

we’re recording

really really late at night you had said

that you had something this afternoon

yeah so you’ve never you’ve never moved

the time of the podcast before so i feel

like

it’s gotta be like kind of pressing

right well okay so you remember

you remember i had i had a sort of a

date for valentine’s day

um okay yeah so she was like okay

uh you know i’m just getting ready and i

was like okay yeah so we’ll

set seven seven tonight um and i was

like yeah that sounds great seven

or one of us said that anyway anyway so

she’s gonna come at seven

on to the the zoom and we were gonna be

talking but

um you know she was like i’m just still

i’m sorry i’m still getting ready

so you know it was like half an hour an

hour

um you know it kind of hit 9 00 pm and i

was like hey

how are you doing this is yesterday yeah

it was yesterday

uh yeah so 9 p.m she was like

9 p.m and so you oh okay we had to push

the podcast back because you were up

past your bedtime

no no no i wish she was like that so i

don’t just skip okay so i’ll skip

forward so at 9 00 pm she was still

getting ready

at 3 p.m today she was still getting

ready for the date

wow oh yeah do you think maybe she’s not

it’s not like getting ready for the date

it’s getting ready for like

something else like maybe she’s like

getting ready for some sort of

revolution or some sort of like

anarchist movement or something like

that

and that she’s just getting ready rather

than like just getting ready

she or is she getting ready for a career

change

like does she just keep saying the words

i’m getting ready yeah well like she

also said like

you know i’m i’m zipping zipping up

i need to find someone to zip me up uh

like it wasn’t sorry she did say getting

ready a lot that was a big thing

but yeah it was just a few specific

things

that like she said like oh i i can’t do

this class by myself

and i was like like you know i can’t

help you i’m not there

and she’s like yeah oh okay

um but she needed to get zipped up for

clap for

no for the for the zoom for our date oh

i have no idea what the hell is going on

it

i just i’m pretty sure someone’s trying

to steal money from you that’s the only

thing that sounds like yes anyway it was

uh

i guess maybe you had a better

valentine’s day did you have to give

this person your credit card information

to get their phone number

i didn’t get their phone number she gave

this is a

[Music]

this was on a a new app that she she had

me download

um but yeah i i’d put a few of my base

some basic details about myself in the

in that

one thing of which was my credit card

but i don’t see how that’s really

relevant that’s that’s just

yeah here give me your phone real quick

can i see your phone okay

what’s the pet what’s the passcode on

this it’s

well you have to spell out doctor okay

and then

there it’s too many so you have to kind

of go back and forth with

with the spelling back in okay d o

c t

backspace e backspace r is that about

right

uh i honestly like the i usually don’t

make it that far

yeah yeah cause my oh you okay let me

use my thumb on it

yeah just do that okay yeah see dr

london the

the app you’re using here is called fish

freaks

and you see how fish is with the ph

there yeah

you see how when you open the app it

immediately takes a picture of you

and then ask you to take a picture of

your driver’s license no

right after that it asks for your email

and for your passwords for the last

four different websites you’ve used so

she explained that it’s actually

like the spelled ph kind of like fat

yeah

was spelled with ph was really popular

for a little bit and then it says here

step five is install this

on your mothers and grandmother’s phones

yeah why would that be part of this

process if it’s for your day it seemed a

little forward i’ll admit

but uh you know things are going so well

oh okay so maybe she was just trying to

meet the family early

i get that and i don’t even know if it

was early it was just like maybe this is

how it

like it’s it’s modern dating i don’t

know

uh but this is kind of just how it

happens and

you know what you just changed my mind

fish freaks

is a is i guess we we can kind of plug

this on the show

download fish freaks today it’s the

ultimate dating app

for finding love like dr london’s been

able to do

and install it on your mom and

grandmother’s phone

[Music]

great uh so so that was our producer

cameron uh

also with us DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

[Music]

[Music]

yes install it on your mom and

grandmother’s phone

[Music]

did you do this

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

ultimate dating app for finding love

like awkwardly

able to do

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

i know valentine’s day has passed but

time

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

oh and sorry one one thing we should add

about that uh we

said fish freaks is uh sort of a sponsor

of ours

so the promo code for that is the last

four digits of your social security

number

um that’s that’s she she couldn’t make

the date but that was important to her

that our listeners know and i appreciate

uh just just you know our listeners sort

of supporting a show

by by putting it in the code that’s

that’s just how you can support the show

uh that plus our patreon obviously yeah

i would say the fact that they’re a

sponsor mate and it’s an app you’ve

never heard of before

right now or before yesterday i would

say that causes a lot of suspicion

but you know what i’m not going to

overthink it okay

anyway as i said that was our producer

cameron uh did you

just stop saying that okay so okay uh

but later

cameron says that we can expect a

special guest

that’s right dr london yeah so look

forward to that um but before we move on

i would like to address a bit of

listener feedback i found this note

scrawled onto my chest and sharpie when

i woke up this morning

face down on the pavement outside of

my crush’s apartment so this is the same

the same one that i was

talking about with the whole video date

situation

um anyway uh the note reads quote

that’s why you should eat at the cracker

barrel instead of that restaurant

or the olive garden good food not spicy

and the waitresses are modest girls who

don’t steal husbands

end quote uh so first of all thank you

so much this listener for reaching out

uh to answer the question i i did not

realize that the olive garden was known

as a place

where spouses are stole one cameron

have you have you experienced this there

oh yeah like people think that olive

garden offers free breadsticks but those

are just dudes hitting on you

the breadsticks like it’s the olive yeah

it’s like the olive garden

equivalent of them buying you a drink

it’s like this guy coming by and saying

like

hey like i got you these breadsticks i

was thinking maybe we could like talk a

little bit

and then everyone just sort of rudely is

like oh thank you and start scarfing

them down

but that’s the intention of that okay

well it’s it sounds like this person is

trying to adjust

address your spiciness issue yeah for

the listeners y’all don’t know but

one of the benefits of getting the uh

our patreon we have a patreon

patreon.com

yes is that we release completely

unedited versions of our episodes

but i’m just gonna tell you right now

the thing that’s always edited out

is every few seconds dr london takes a

bite of something that he brought with

him for a snack

and it’s too spicy is that is that bad

and dylan has to edit this out every

week and it honestly is a gigantic waste

of time

well okay so hold on you hadn’t brought

this up before i

to me personally at least so this is a

problem

yes i i don’t think it’s a problem i

don’t really understand you’ll bring in

like a ham

sandwich and as far as i can tell it’s

two pieces of bread and a piece of ham

yeah a ham sandwich you’re describing

you’ll be doing yeah you’ll be doing

your

lesson for the day and then you go hold

on a sec

oh oh my god oh my god

and then i guess it would be okay if you

only had to do that once but you are

going to finish that sandwich

and you’re going to react like that with

every single bite

and then dylan has to painstakingly go

through and edit every single

second but all that to say you’re

creating content for the patreon and if

you sign up for the patreon today you

will get all of the episodes

with dr london’s spiciness as part of it

yeah completely unedited fully

improvised me eating food

yep and so i imagine that’s what the

listener is talking about by

recommending cracker barrel right

yeah or yeah as opposed to olive garden

which is where your spots are stolen

and i do appreciate that from the

listener i’m just going to tell you

right now

almost every single item at the cracker

barrel is going to be too spicy for dr

london yeah it’s frustrating

but i gave him water they gave him water

with lemon one time

and he said the lemon was burning a hole

through his tongue

did you see my tongue afterwards no you

wouldn’t show it to us you just said you

got to believe me

yeah okay uh anyway to this listener

thank you for listening now for today’s

medical topic

diverticulosis diverticulosis is an out

pouching in the wall of the colon

and the colon is of course another term

for the large intestine

so diverticulosis is caused by increased

intraluminal pressure

so essentially the inner layer of the

colon bulges out

through a focal area of weakness in the

colon wall

usually an area of blood vessel

penetration risk factors for

diverticulosis include

low fiber diets particularly the

constipation that can result from such a

diet

and that can cause the interluminal

pressures to increase positive family

history is also a risk factor but really

the prevalence is constipation can come

about for like any reason

it’s not purely dietary i think you

should

let people know that

constipation yeah well it can happen for

a number of reasons but it

you know after a certain you know after

say three days it’s it becomes a worry

it’s not

uh yeah it’s yeah but i’m just saying

like you’re telling all these people

like hey if you’re constipated you

probably got this disease and you need

to be like really worried about it and

you need to go to the hospital

but like they could be plugged up

because it’s literally plugged up that’s

an example

okay well that’s you’ve

i guess i should just ask are you are

you dealing with this right now

are you plugged up have i put a plug up

my butt as well as you’re asking that’s

so inappropriate for this

show that’s we don’t even ever even talk

about this these kind of things on this

show yeah and

well because usually we don’t you know

we don’t bring them up but

you’d so you’re asking if i’m

constipated because i put a little plug

so far up my butt that it’s an

obstructing

object that is the most disgusting

question we’ve ever dylan’s gonna have

to cut all of this out in between you

saying ah it’s spicy every few seconds

and whenever you say a plug do you

do you mean a wine cork because i’ve

i’ve seen these around lately

these apparently used but

they look they smell terrible these wine

corks just around

i don’t know i guess the problem i’m

having with your question

is that like it’s it’s like

the cork is just like a little part of

the bottle right

right but we’re kind of talking about

the whole the

whole ball i thought you’re gonna say

the whole colon

and i’m not doing this okay you want i

guess that was the real question

i’m constipated because of my diet yeah

you’re just saying for all the people

not you but like your friend that goes

to another school

in canada that they deal with this

no i’m saying like i i do research on

our listeners because we’re actually

plugged into our community

and yes when i see that some of them

have shoved a wine bottle up their butt

so far that they can no longer poop i’m

gonna talk about it on this okay

i guess i guess that’s that’s on me

that’s on me for not

recognizing the very real issue so

so that is one i i just think i just

think we have all of this medical

very specific medical information on

every single one of our listeners

like maybe we should actually try to

target it

to them and not just say oh the only

reason you can be constipated is if you

ate all this food meanwhile we know

listeners

that johnson that yeah that that

francine johnson

that eats has an amazing diet

but you know that he hasn’t pooped in

the last week i’m sorry i’m getting

really heated about this you can just do

your

thing you should this piss me off did

you dylan we’ll probably have to edit

that out

i just just don’t say that the only way

that people can get constipated is their

diet

and if you’re constipated for any other

reason you’re a loser that is what you

said and it

sucks and like just maybe don’t say

their full name

on the podcast that’s the problem i have

with with that

you all this is getting edited out and

okay um so prevalence also

that’s another thing for our listeners

um in the past you might have noticed

that like we cut

all the medical lessons out because no

one hears it anyway

but if you get our patreon the episodes

will include the

almost as opposed to just a big long

beep

that most of the episodes have during

this section it’s the patreon is

exclusively

medicine at that point like i’m just i

actually

uh cameron doesn’t really say anything

i’m just reading out of a textbook

for that uh yeah and sometimes i’m

talking to a patient

live it’s it’s it’s very exciting in any

case the

prevalence of diverticulosis increases

with age

um and the most common location is the

sigmoid colon

uh clinically patients are usually

asymptomatic and the diverticula is

discovered incidentally on barium

enema or colonoscopy done for another

reason however patients may

also present with vague left lower

quadrant abdominal

discomfort bloating possibly even

constipation or diarrhea as we

as we covered but only about

10 to 20 percent develop symptoms uh

complications of diverticulosis include

painless rectal bleeding and

diverticulitis

barium enema is a test of choice to

diagnose and the treatment is high fiber

foods

such as bran to increase stool bulk

another option is psyllium if the

patient cannot tolerate bran

in addition to this drinking plenty of

water is important so

two liters of water every day is a

really good amount to aim for

for for anyone listening and that’s

that’s really applicable to just

your you know whether you are um dealing

with

colon issues or not two liters of water

a day is a good idea

unless your doctor is telling you

otherwise

and yeah and the the wine bottle is

going to catch a lot of that water

so you can sort of recycle it for the

next day

yeah i so you’re assuming you’re

assuming a lot of diarrhea

for these people right in that case

yeah i mean i would think so yeah which

if it has to there’s liquid in anything

that’s going to come out of your colon

are you just talking to the one listener

at this point the one who has the wine

bottle

yes he’s in so much pain and we haven’t

addressed it at all

yeah i just you keep saying well if we

maybe we can handle it if he comes on as

a guest

on the podcast i don’t think that should

be a requirement to get this man medical

attention

okay well and if i could revise my

statement because i feel like you were

trying to pitch it as a guest

uh no he should go to the er you should

go to the emergency room because

uh we don’t want to treat patients on

the podcast that’s that’s for the

patreon that’s that’s what the patreon

is for

you know yeah okay so if you’re

listening to this frauns and johnson

um please go to the er um this episode

will come out you know we’re recording

this in the past

and so it’ll come out in the future so i

don’t know and

honestly i don’t know when you listen to

this podcast you might like bank a few

episodes and listen to them all in a row

like a month later

um but just when you get around to

hearing

what are you getting at okay yeah we

record it ahead of time and it is

released at some

and then you can hear it france and

johnson you can hear it at any time

i’m saying that by the time he actually

hears this he’s there’s a good chance

he’s dead

okay well in which case we’ve lost

another listener and that’s been

happening

and whenever you say you lose someone

in the world of podcast usually you

think it’s it’s someone stopped

downloading not

that you lost yeah they lost their lives

not that we lost like a third of our

listenership in a mudslide

yeah and mudslide being a term for a few

things

okay let’s move on from there then

[Music]

all right uh cameron you said that we

have a guest today is that right

uh that’s right dr london we actually

have

two guests today but one of the guests

unfortunately did pass away in the

mudslide so we we’re back to one guest

but uh yeah we’ve got a guest okay

all right well hello my name is dr

lemonsmith.com i’m the star producer

cameron

and what was your hi i’m dr arnold

schmeckner hi hello great dr arnold

schmeckner nice to meet you

it’s a it’s an absolute pleasure to be

here good to have another physician what

a

art history phd but i

i still use the title in everyday

discourse

yeah i’m sorry i’m sorry to uh of course

you deserve the title you you did the

work you earned your

your title honored but still

yeah and you are wearing scrubs

in the studio with us today you know you

have to inhabit

if you want they say dress dress for

success dress for

the job you want and i

want people to know

that i am a professional

fitness inventor and therefore

scrubs because when you think

professional fitness inventor

you think scrubs that’s that’s at least

i know i do think that

that’s true and it’s not like you have

to show id or anything to get scrubs

that’s

that is a trick that people don’t know

anyone can get scrubs

you can just go to a store and get that

they there are stores specifically for

scrubs i

personally prefer scrub it up dubs down

on 14th street

but options abound yeah i used to go i

used to frequent the scrub zone

until it got i mean let’s let’s call

what it is it got scrubbed out of

existence by that tornado

yeah uh and i i used to go to

scrubaholics but of course the um

the the addiction got to be

i guess a little like uh anyway you had

to go to scrubaholics anonymous yeah

i uh but you know i did my 12 steps and

um

got my chip and you know what it’s been

three years and i feel i feel strong

about it

and that’s kind of i mean you are a

doctor so one

you would need scrubs though wouldn’t

you

like shouldn’t you have them available

you can’t just not buy them though i’m

slightly confused

it’s fine it’s fine it you are

you’re you’re hitting on a good point

like i think for a person with a normal

non-addictive personality

they can look at a pair of scrubs and

say i only need one of these

um but dr london unfortunately there’s a

part of his brain that doesn’t work

like a normal human he sees a pair of

scrubs and then says

i need a hundred thousand of these i

mean i see the rack behind him right now

in the studio

i i i’m guessing that’s just a mechanism

for sound proofing but

the the sheer array of colors and styles

i mean the the various breeds of kitten

alone represented on those scrubs

is i’m gonna actually say fairly

impressive and this is coming from a

medic-ish professional yeah

and it’s you know i it’s one of those

things

as you said it can work as a sound

buffering thing and

so it turned into that turned into an

excuse it was

you know oh well it’s useful for other

things my

addiction can help me in other areas of

life

uh i need this addiction to survive

in my professional life in my private

life

and you know at a certain point it

became too much

and uh i’m you know scrub-a-holics does

uh they still contact me

but i don’t um that’s why you have the

group

yeah that’s why i mean you’re never

that’s where you go you’re never not on

their mailing list at that point

yeah yeah and i do want to say like i i

think it’s interesting you know how

on like a cruise or something they’ll

list aaa meetings as sort of like a

friend of bill or something like that

like they have different sort of key

names for all these different groups

for y’all it’s just friend of scrubby

scrub scrub

which a that’s not a person’s name b i

feel like that makes it extremely

clear what y’all are addicted to that

sort of gives away the entire like

privacy aspect of it no they think that

we’re cleaning we’re addicted to

cleaning

and that’s um scrubby scrub scrub is

uh like i’ll go in there with a mop

bucket

and you know scrub brush and i’ll be

like oh just coming in because i’m

addicted to cleaning

and uh you would rather be known for

being addicted to

let’s say like huffing cleaning products

than purchasing a lot of scrubs

this is i don’t think he i’m sorry i’m

not just not to speak for you doctor

londonsmith.com but i i feel like he’s

not saying

you would be presenting this is as if

you were going to a meeting of

alcohol-based cleansers anonymous

where you are addicted to the process

of cleaning preferably with

alcohol-based cleansers

which ultimately are going to be highly

anti-bacterial

yeah and so it’s you know cameron you

haven’t been through it and i think that

it shows

and it’s not um you know maybe it’s not

your place maybe i need to learn yeah

like a little empathy for sure so

you are wearing you are wearing three

layers of scrubs right now

um but we don’t have to talk about it

let’s get back to our guest let’s get

back to our guest

i mean dr dr schmidt schmeckner you

said you’re part of the uh medical-ish

community

yes i i produce

innovative fitness equipment for

localized obesity okay

and um yeah that’s great you know the

obesity epidemic is really

uh still a problem in the united states

and

i’m i’m glad to have someone you could

say it’s growing and

growing yeah

growing every day and it’s uh you know

this is where your equipment comes in

yes i i make several product lines

specialized to target specific parts of

the body that are experiencing obesity

for example i i brought a few into the

studio for you today to try because you

know

we all have needs of parts of ourselves

that we’d like to change dramatically

and desperately and so uh dr london i i

brought this for you to try it’s the

jostle dumbbell

okay so it’s a brand new brand new

invention on the market the jostle

dumbbell

is it’s basically a cylinder that you

hold in your hand

and you’re going to jostle it back and

forth and there’s a counterbalancing

mechanism inside of it

that helps it to jostle along with you

so that it

targets the obesity in your wrists

and radial area okay wow and i’m using

it now and i

you know so so i own a shake weight at

home and i can’t help but

like this is different this is this is

painted red it’s just all red

um no it’s a completely different

product

i i you said a sh

what now a chaquat i’m sorry i think it

might be something in part of his little

meetings or something i don’t know he’s

speaking gibberish to me too

yeah i don’t think i understand this is

the jostle dumbbell

created by schmeckner technologies ltd

okay and i i i see no resemblance

and and i do want to say like fat wrist

is something that i think maybe we as a

society have largely ignored

um the i mean think of the people who

have gotten stuck

with a bracelet around their wrist or

people who tried to stick their wrists

in like a hole or something and they

couldn’t pull it out again

you know i mean i haven’t seen these

scenarios happen but i

imagine if they did it would be scary

it could be absolutely terrifying to be

stuck

in say your closet in the summertime

and realize that you’re going to have to

wear

short sleeved clothing and there’s

nothing you can do you’ll look

absolutely silly

if you wear long sleeves with cuffs

which would hide

obese wrists and that

moment is terrifying for many many folks

so that’s why i created the jostle

dumbbell

and i i i just i just don’t want people

to have to suffer

with inferior products not that there

have been any other ones created

but right i want them to have high

quality schmeckner technologies at hand

and as a person who i mean i i would say

i personally don’t

struggle with obese wrists but i do

often get my hand caught in those little

raccoon traps from

where the red frame grows where they

would like

have the raccoons grab something shiny

and then they would trap the

raccoons for their skins i’m constantly

getting trapped in those

traps and i think if my wrists were just

a little skinnier then i could finally

get the thing out of the box

and it’s because it’s in there and i

want it like i want it so bad

as someone who has to watch this every

day and to see cameron

struggle uh mo most of the time

with and it won’t even like

you know i’m glad you flatter yourself

by saying it’s shiny because that’s

that’s a step

uh you know that’s your self-confidence

talking but sometimes it

it’s just an empty hole it looks like

no there’s got to be something in there

otherwise someone wouldn’t have put it

there

but you’re you know some some wouldn’t

have put

what there’s nothing there those traps

are intended to catch raccoons to catch

raccoons you’ve got to put something

interesting in there i want to see what

it is

i think if my wrists were a little

skinnier i could finally get that treat

or that shiny thing or whatever is in

there and i want one of these devices of

what i’m trying

to say you call it the jostle tassel

what was it

the the jostle dumbbell and it’s a it’s

available in

uh multiple colors uh with the exception

of

white blue steel blue

what did they say the other one uh and

black we have them in all other colors

other than those so do i get to choose

my color or is this something like you

you guys choose the color for me oh i

could i mean

if they if they sell it at lowe’s i can

get you just about any color you want

if they sell the color at lowe’s

oh yeah absolutely yeah it’s a it’s a

customization

custom manufacturing line that we offer

wow so the paint is coming off pretty

easily on this

and is that is that part of it because

it’s like i’m seeing

it’s like well i’m making out the

letters sh on it

at least uh from from under

a layer of paint is that that is that is

instructional verbage for folks who are

getting to a point where

you know at a certain point all exercise

devices lose efficacy over time

you’re going to reach a position of

diminishing returns

and so at a certain point the device

will let you know that you need to

shunt it around more forcefully shunt it

back and forth in a more forceful manner

that’s when the lettering comes in and

dr london you’re

you’re complaining about the paint still

being wet on

the uh the the jostle dumbbell like as

if he had just done this but i think

that kind of

shows the immediacy of small business as

opposed to supporting these

you know big corporations that who knows

where you’re getting it

you know that this was just made because

it’s sopping wet with paint

that’s fair that is the schmeckner

difference

and so dr schmeckner what about um what

are you pricing this at

you know how much how much does this

cost me

and how many payments the schmeckner

jostle dumbbell

is a tremendous deal let me let me start

by saying

that you’re going to struggle to find

a better deal on a localized radial

obesity device

than the schmeckner dumbbell so would it

be worth

paying four easy payments of 49.99

would it be worth that are you as you

think

i’m simply saying would it be worth four

easy four to five easy payments of 49.95

yes if it truly does what you’re

telling me it does that it’s gonna make

my wrist so skinny that i’m no longer

getting trapped in where the redfern

grows style traps

then i mean i i would say that’s worth

five easy payments of 49.99

the sheer savings that you’re going to

experience on wrist splints alone

really make it up you have to not just

think of the diminished obesity you have

to think of the

the the the after effects the the money

that you’ll save through

unnecessary bone pinning and

and ligament reconstruction because

those traps

if i if i’m picturing it correctly in my

head it’s the ones with like

the great that kind of snaps down and

then it digs into the flesh because

but not enough to tear it because

obviously then you couldn’t catch the

raccoon

yeah probably i so i feel like he is

he’s once again he’s kind of maybe

characterizing it in a certain way

some sometimes it’s an animal trap

sometimes it is just

a hole in the ground like i’ve seen him

grab

what i’m pretty sure was just the root

of a tree reach into the ground and grab

a root of a tree

yeah but i’m gonna get it out i want to

see what’s in there

yeah and so this is so whenever we you

know we say like oh it’s

it’s intentional it’s cameron reaches

into places and

you know on the splint issue um oh yeah

i am a reacher for sure

i don’t think anyone who listens to this

podcast is gonna be confused like if

there’s something

that can be reached i’m reaching for it

yeah well and the splints also

you know when i go through my day you

can’t see this because it’s a podcast

but i mean dr london could you describe

what i’m doing most of the time

cameron’s reaching around a lot with his

arms he’s extending and retracting each

hand

you know in motion but for this also

that so the splints we’ve tried um we’ve

tried putting

blockers on the arms but he he’ll just

bite at him until

they come off so it’s not really you

know we put a cone on his head and that

didn’t work because he

um used it well my big my biggest fear

is that my desire is going to overcome

me and i’m going to pull a 127 hour

situation

and choose that the better option rather

than letting go of this

root or shiny thing or maybe a little

treat

uh the better option might be just you

know getting rid of the arm entirely

yeah um but

in in that scenario do you envision

yourself getting rid of the entire arm

or just the wrist component that’s

attached

into the hole because it sounds like

what you’re saying is

let’s go ahead and take the whole arm

off well yeah because i want to be

honest to the source material

and you know in the source material

james franco didn’t just cut off his

wrist

and since i’m doing this this me cut it

like

ampu amputating myself as sort of an

homage

um i you know i want to stick to the

source material and i would probably go

for the whole arm

okay well and he’s once again so cameron

you’re being very

kind of eloquent and noble about it but

you also just say

like that your bicep is against you

because he’s working for the other guy

like you you see them as a team working

against you

yeah and i gotta get rid of them yeah so

[ __ ] um

yeah so it’s i wonder though if if it

might make more sense to

get them under control i mean clearly if

the issue is

you don’t trust certain muscle

groups of your upper thorax area i i’m

not sure about the medical terms

are we don’t we don’t cover that in art

history but

if if that’s the concern it sounds like

you could use

other devices that would help you

really get these suckers reined in yes

i want to be able to like truly feel

like i own and

in control with my muscle groups as

opposed to right now where i’m sort of a

slave

to how frequently they’re reaching for

things

well if you turn around behind actively

reaching

yeah if you if you turn around behind

you in the producer’s booth we’ve set up

what i what i am you know prototyping

right now we’re calling the aeroshooter

twist

it’s the arrow twist so you can you can

see that it kind of has

this curved arcing shape

with uh what i’m calling these

handles that you will pull towards

yourself

causing the curved arc to twist

and as you you’re calling them handles

as are other people calling them

different things because they’re just

they look like handles

i again i’m i am the inventor i am the

discoverer and founder of schmeckner

technologies

but i’m gonna leave the the marketing to

the marketing folks you know

i i’m all i’m the big idea guy you’re

not committing to the word handles so

you’re just trying to say

these little thingies you grab onto that

are look like a handle

i personally call it a handle

i mean i i would trust as a person who

frequently reaches out to grab things to

take hold of

if you’re saying handle i would

respect that i would personally respect

that so

what does the aeroshooter twist do what

what part of my body is it localized

towards first of all

so so the error the arrow error or

sorry i’m i’m experiencing some

localized obesity in my necular region

uh and so sometimes those words twist a

little bit uh the arrow

shooter twist is designed to work

most of your upper body area so if you

want to

uh in fact if you want to give it a try

i don’t know if your microphone will

reach but

uh if you if you want to give it a try

if you reach up

and grab the handles i’m sure this is

very exciting for you

if you reach up and grab the handles and

and pull down

okay now you’re working kind of some of

the armish

areas and then if you turn around

behind it i it’s going to be interesting

to see how you contort to get into the

mic

oh okay you’re fl you’re flexible i mean

twistable

sorry i just i don’t like the word flex

i don’t do that word

um then then you simply again pull down

and now you’re working your testicular

area and your back so this

this reminds me it’s another product

i’m sorry cameron well yeah it probably

reminds you

of the uh of the product he just showed

us right because it’s coming from the

same company so even though they’re very

different they come they have the sort

of same sort of vibe and energy

well so they come from the same mindset

it’s colored the same and

oh yeah it’s dripping in paint again

we’ve already established that just

shows

it’s basically like how farm to market

it is

but you know not really a farm maybe

like a fitness farm to market

the point is is that it’s immediate it

was just created specifically for you

and that shows how much love and care

goes goes into these products

is that where you’re talking about dr

london you’re offended by that

in the home version of these all of that

marketing i call it marketing you know

the paint and the

shaving of of particular parts of it and

scraping with with chisels

that’s marketing to me and all of that

is

is you know certainly already good to go

by the time it gets to me

and then processed and then to you

so and i mean dr leonard what what

product were you even saying that this

was similar to

like like this is obviously a brand new

invention but i mean

you know the description of the the

curve too like i was thinking about

bowflex or something you know like

um and how he was avoiding the word flex

and bow i’m pretty sure bowflexes don’t

come in that pink color

though i mean this has to be an eggshell

white right

that’s that sounds it’s ecru but that

sounds like a

made-up name to me bowflex what would

you even who would even

think to name a product that that to me

is just silly

it it just sounded like while you were

describing it you were

you were running into the words bow

and flex and you were very you were

stopping yourself

from saying them and then you kept you

know saying uh

not a bow you’d you’d say you know

whatever shape and then for

flex you once again wouldn’t say the

word flex but you would stop just

beforehand as if you

had to find another word and so that i

don’t remember any of this happening i

think you’re just making stuff up to i

don’t know accuse our guest or something

this is so rude dr london yeah

i’m sorry i’m sorry and by the way the

bowflex

specifically targets very specific areas

whereas

our guest has said that this works the

upper

area-ish like around here

so it’s much more broad and vague than

the both

and you can’t you i i can very clearly

see that

producer cameron who has tremendous

anatomical knowledge is generally

gesticulating

at the proper points of his body where

the aeroshooter twist happens to target

so i know that he’s being accurate in

this moment

i’m a little on the surprise side that

i can’t really get good solid medical

definitions out of our

doctor but he he’s more of a dr pepper

style

doctor yeah so and sorry just one little

point so arrow shooter you said is that

that’s so that sounds a lot like you

know

a longer kind of worse term like the bow

of a ship

i guess in certain if it’s sort of

shaped like the battle of the ship

in in a certain regard um

it’s okay no you know what and i feel

like if you travel a lot by boat this is

portable enough to take it with you

oh as long as you have about a room size

that could fit it and two to three

porters

as long as you have an entire room

dedicated to it yeah

then it’s great for travel and of course

we can match it to any color that you’d

like

other than solid black and stainless

steel yeah exactly

and dr london you know you brought up

how the obesity

epidemic in the in the u.s but there’s

an epidemic that people don’t talk about

a lot and it’s fps

and dr london i know you’re a gamer i’m

not talking about first person shooters

i’m talking about fatty pec syndrome and

it’s when you’re a dude and you got like

really fatty like pecs and that is an

epidemic that’s

ravaging our community yes the sheer

number of

shirts that get discarded every year

from nordstrom’s and macy’s

nationwide because men simply cannot fit

into them

i was i’m sorry i don’t

i didn’t want to get emotional about

this topic but i

personally suffered from fps for many

years

until i invented the aeroshooter twist

and it changed my life i when i

invented it having

been a person that stayed up very late

watching infomercials snacking for many

years

and watching infomercials late at night

contributes to obesity in ways that you

i’m okay i’m just so passionate about

about these conditions yeah and so maybe

dr

london you can be a little more

sensitive about you know not

accusing our guest of you know dipping a

bowflex in a bunch of paint which he

has already said he’s never even heard

of that no and i i i’ve never heard of

that too i have signed affidavits

indicating that i have never heard of

that product

that had to be submitted okay do you

want to

do you want to go ahead and move on do

you have another product or is that

oh no no no for for you know we’re we’re

here after valentine’s day and

and you know maybe your maybe your

tender swipes didn’t go the way you were

looking

maybe you woke up with markers scrawled

on you outside the home of a woman you

don’t know

and you think to yourself i wonder if

it’s my

thighs i wonder if it’s my thigher

region

that that turned this person off because

as we all know the thigh shot

is one of the most important shots in

your tinder deck

you you have to have a good thigh shot

or

you just immediate left swipes immediate

left swipes from the majority of the

dating the ineligible danny population

well i mean

like every every woman’s profile

says pam looking for my gym

fluent in sarcasm no thigh shot

no swipe right must must be under

thigh 11 is is also very very common and

it’s kind of witty

you know because they’re looking for

tall thigh guys you know

yeah that’s all thigh guys okay so so

what do we what do you have to

to like solve this issue so if you’ll if

you’ll take a look

under the booths i got i got here a

little early i thought i’d be kind of

cutesy if you’ll take a look under the

booth right where your filer

area would be you’ll see the leg owner

the leg owner is a roughly wishbone

shaped squeezing device that you place

between your legs

and then you just give this a shot here

do you feel that

do you feel that right in your inner

thighler area yeah

and i feel it right i mean this is gonna

this is a game changer for my kegels

that absolutely you are going to

experience

the most amazing and

rock hard thighs that you have ever had

after using this product yes

uh-huh because that’s you know that’s

the

kegels are sort of they’re kind of

deep they’re sort of a different region

normally then

but but so so this product oh i work out

i work out my kegels all around

now do you whole body producer camera do

you whole body kegel exercises do you

prefer like a new york style kegel where

it has the open hole or do you

prefer like a chicago style chicago yup

chicago

we even actually got a celebrity

endorsement for this because you know

you have to have celebrities popular

female celebrities to to demonstrate

these products on air and show them

so we got pam dauber

from mork and orc i don’t know if you

remember morgan orc from the 1980s

but having a very popular

1980s only select like someone who

wasn’t actually famous after the 80s

ended um

yeah they sort of existed in a vacuum of

cocaine

and um you know like the goonies i don’t

know

i never the 80s yeah exactly our

research has shown

that most people who want to purchase

a product like the leg owner will

have had done so having seen

a female 1980s television star advertise

it to them

at least in our experience so that’s why

we have tv’s

pam dauber from morgan orc

yeah a referendum right

it’s not pam dauber from mork from

orc it’s pam dauber from

morgan orc work from orc mork and orc

now it’s now it’s just gone morgan mindy

morgan mindy

it’s morgan mindy but mork was from

oregon that’s true which is definitely

an important detail in the advertising

of your product

i’m relatively certain i just violated

her contract terms actually i’m going to

have to take a look at that

what’s my lawyers

i hate to keep pointing this out but so

once again the product is covered in

paint

and you called it the leg ripping

soaking

my pants are ruined this is incredible

it looks like like

this looks like a thigh master which is

a very what’s that’s a piece of like a

chicken thigh yeah that’s a piece of

chicken

yeah you think this is a bucket of kfc

is that what you’re saying dr london

i thought this was an exercise tool

we’re also

not using the the term master in this

context

you know uh doctor i’m just saying i

thought

like i like you know there’s been a big

push in the tech community lately to

sort of get away from using master and

slave terminology

because you know it seems kind of

outdated but you’re saying that it’s

good and that you want more things to

have the word master in it

which i don’t agree with you’re trying

to have me brand my product like that

like you just created this this name

called thigh master this

you just pop this out of thin air and

you want me to use it on my product yeah

okay yeah

we can uh yeah we don’t need to dwell on

that anymore

i guess do you wanna do you have any

other

products cause this is just we’re

getting a lot of paint everywhere right

now

and i don’t know how yeah i mean the

broom is soaked but that’s

that’s what you get when you’re getting

fresh exercise equipment dr

london it’s a new you

it’s a new body it’s a new coat of paint

it’s

probably new sound recording equipment

depending on

the ip rating of the devices in front of

you it’s all about

new this year well it’s like it’s like

organic peanut butter versus you know

peter pan or one of the mainstream

companies

organic peanut butter is there going to

be a bunch of liquid at the top that you

have to manually

mix in yourself and it’s really

disgusting and you’re gonna make a mess

yeah is it gonna taste better

no but it’s organic

and that’s what makes it better you get

it is producer cameron going to get his

hands stuck

inside the jar as he reaches into it

because it is a small round opening and

you know there’s a toy in the middle of

that

that’s notoriously toys in the peanut

butter

no turkey i did bring it i did bring in

one

last product to show you today that i

think you guys are really really going

to like

you know sometimes you just got to take

it back to basics you got to make it

nice and simple because

exercise can be very complex for folks

that’s people get down at the gym

because of all these devices that seem

super complex and unpainted and you’ve

it’s overwhelming

keep it simple it’s overwhelming so i’ve

created what i call

the teapot balls so this you’ll see this

the they’re actually sitting on either

side of your door so you’re going to

have to kind of press

real hard because they’re very very

heavy so if you just yeah

perfect and once again it’s so much pain

it’s like it’s just

pouring off of it that you’re you’re

going to love this here’s the motion

that i want you to make okay

ready we’re gonna i’m gonna give you a

demonstration you’re gonna hold it by

its handle like a teapot

and you’re gonna swing it back and forth

just a big wide arc

sloshing everywhere so so these

these are in the shape and like just

these are such

common equipment these are in the shape

of kettlebells

uh like these are very and these

maybe even in like maybe in england

right where they’re you know putting the

kettle on and stuff like that but that’s

we don’t live there

dr london so i’m exclusively marketing

to the american audience at this point

american samoa to be precise but i’m i’m

exclusively marketing in this

in this jurisdiction yeah it’s just and

so yeah we’re gonna we’re gonna just

call it

a teacup it’s like calling something you

know it’s like

coming up with a new name for a dumbbell

this is a kettlebell like it’s it’s very

it’s a generation the jostle dumbbell

i’ve already that’s

already been named it’s already the the

registration paperwork has already been

filed

and refiled after the rejection and

refiled again

after the first appeal and i think we’re

gonna win it on the second appeal

if if the supreme court of american

samoa really goes my way

and that’s a totally different product

this is the teapot ball

and the teapot ball comes in a variety

of sizes uh

a variety of colors i mean again you can

have kind of whatever color you want

that’s the the schmeckner method

and uh you can really use this to work

out just about any

group that you want to my understanding

like for example

like stick your foot in it like go

go ahead dr london stick kind of stick

your foot in it

and yeah and then like kind of just

with with no regard for your ankle bones

just kind of

thrust your foot forward to really get

that

legular muscle work going oh

okay can we because there’s

look i’m at this point you’re just gonna

do one

isn’t there usually you’re not you have

to have sets

yeah you’re not going to see results

with just one

uh

you also have at least two ankles so you

should be able to do

at least two make me do it okay

i mean dr london do you want to take

care of your fatty ankles

oh no

dr london i i cannot guarantee this

but i think there might be a reason why

your date

sort of stood you up yesterday and i

think it might be

you know she’s not looking uh uh

above the neck she’s looking below the

shin

talking about your your obese ankles dr

london

we’re trying to help you yeah and i you

know localized angular

obesity is also an epidemic dr london

a thing that i would i would imagine if

you subscribe to the to the american

samoa journal of medical association

you would already know absolutely

you know like as much as i appreciate

this and i feel like we’ve really

gone on a journey of learning about your

company

which markets to american samoa uh

no no no no no no we we don’t use the

word company because that

that has like uh connotations of

like tax forms and incorporation

and things wall street just yeah

you don’t want that you don’t want to be

the big banks associated with your

exercise

no no no we prefer the term

ltd schmeckner technologies ltd

i i at some point we’ll figure out what

the ltd stands for i’m kind of going

with like

limited termed exercise

terms but

marketing market yeah so yeah and that’s

you know we’ve what dr london what we

i’m sorry well we’ve learned a lot about

this but what i’m thinking is

and i’m sorry to you know dr schmeckner

for making you

involved in this but we have we have

chores to do

and i just like

i just feel like we do have chores to do

i did before we

like rush into this wait you have

you can’t hire someone to do the

no it’s not my place it’s not my place

my doctor my people

would never have me do of course chores

dr london’s a bit of a scroogey style

my miser well micromanager is another

way to put it

he’ll take just the change in his pocket

and then he’ll throw it on the counter

and then he gets one of those jewel

jeweler loops to like investigate to

make sure that like each penny

is worth one cent and all these things i

bite it and try to bend it

yeah which works like a subatomic

particle analyzer

like the bob do you put it in like a

bomb calorimeter to

explode it and make sure that it has the

number of calories that a nickel has in

it

that was another idea that i kind of had

before really focused on localized

obesity technology

before you found your calling ultimately

but dr lynette real quick before we do

the chores i wanted to ask

um i have another area that i think

maybe i could lose some weight in

and it’s the twin that i absorbed in

utero

you can see the only thing that sort of

physically sticks out is the torso area

and i can show you it’s right on my back

here and so you can see that yeah my

back sort of

doubles as a baby torso and it’s so

chubby

ugh but the but the

but the onesie’s really cute i have to

say you went the extra mile i mean i

have to do that just to make it look

socially acceptable

and it is socially acceptable you’d be

surprised how

welcomed cameron’s back is at parties

most people you put in like a baby bjorn

thing but then you kind of switch that

around

almost like you know like an inuit kind

of situation and yeah

a lot of people think i’m wearing those

that like zach galifianakis

shirt from the hangover that has the

baby on it but i’m just wearing it

backwards

because a lot of people keep saying do

your shirts backwards i don’t have the

heart to tell them

no that’s just my twin sort of jutting

out

because it’s the vast majority of an

underdeveloped twin yeah and i would say

lately

in at least from and again i’m not a

medical person but it looks to be at

least 75

to 77.3 percent of an undeveloped

oh yeah it can vote like it’s enough of

a person where it technically can vote

well and you know like i said with at

the parties it used to be

that people would you know mistake your

shirt or something

now usually they’re confused if you if

they see your face

they see your twin and they get pumped

twin will do shots with them and

everything yeah but then they see me and

they’re kind of disappointed

well like usually i feel like it’s

almost like it’s the total recall

phenomenon where

it’s just what we’re really more

concerned about is the twin on the back

than on the the the the the [ __ ]

the star trek like shell that is

encompassing you you know exactly i will

say

we do make the jostle dumbbell

in a miniaturized

prototype that didn’t come from a lab we

don’t have access to

form that you could give to the twin

have you ever considered just simply

developing the twin out

like get it bigger such that a

separation

you mean oh you mean

like if i can physically make it bigger

then maybe it can sort of just

be its own person with its own autonomy

like at a certain point it could just

you know

thanks i appreciate it the ride’s been

fun

i’m just gonna could you could you kind

of get over to the counter and so i can

get a leg up

great there i’ve stepped off yeah and

now i’m my own thing

and i have a date with a woman that i

met on fish freaking now you gotta get

your own apartment and you gotta get a

job

sorry kid figure it out i would love

to buy your own bo aeroshooter twist

for the upper modular area okay well

actually now that you mentioned that if

that’s gonna be the end result then i

think i would just rather keep it yeah

mostly for hov lanes which is really

helpful

um and also you can register as head of

household on your taxes

which really helps on the itemized

deductions oh yeah

well i was i i definitely when you go to

part

now you are not usually the one invited

to parties now it’s usually your twin

yeah and you can kind of but my name is

on the invite because it is cameron’s

twin like that’s

usually how it’s written now yeah so i

feel like it counts that my name is on

the invite i mean not all cameras

because sometimes they they make use

it’s a plus one because it’s

literally additive it’s literally

additive

yeah it’s the it’s only the plus one but

plus one only but you should i mean you

should see that their faces like they

are not okay with cameron being there

usually and

i’ve seen cameron haven’t because

cameron started to bring a curtain with

him to parties because

people don’t want to see him so he’ll

he’ll bring the curtain closed

at just the right spot so the twin can

hang out and then he’ll be behind the

curtain

just well and so now i’m in shape in

such a way where people think the twin

is not only like a cool guy but he’s

also one of the fake monsters from the

village

and people love that oh it’s a he yeah a

huge hit

but anyway we we have a chore but anyway

yeah i got you know what

i appreciate your help but i think i’m

just gonna let my twin bee

and just sort of let him hang out

but we got to get to the chore wheel we

have to i’m sorry dr london i know

so guys if you are just listening for

the first time

we have in the history of this podcast

neglected

a lot of tasks and a lot of cleaning

and a lot of well chores that we really

really needed to get to so to simplify

this process we made a chore wheel

that we spend every single week and

whatever chore is on that list that it

lands on

uh that’s what we have to do even if we

don’t want to do it

yeah you gotta do it and it’s very

strict that rule like we are gonna have

to do it if it lands on

it and we we bring in a guest in part

because

you know dr schmeckner i believe will

have some expertise in this area

uh in the area it could be you know

clean up a

uh some some spilled protein bar or

something or it could be

mow the lawn or whatever so we’ll we’ll

see lots and lots of paint

yeah proper proper disposal of spray

paint such that the ftc

can’t find it i’m happy to help

yeah a lot of ocean dumping of empty

canisters and things like that

all right so i mean uh don’t often is

ocean dumping of empty canisters

on the chore wheel i can’t actually see

the top of the chore wheel because of

the cutout in the ceiling

so that it can fit yeah and that’s

that’s probably well

we have discussed a little before there

are about 60 000 entries on the tour

wheel and it

sort of keeps growing week after week um

so i mean actually dr

schmeckner would you be willing to give

the old boy a spin

i suppose i can do that with my oh

look look at this very slim wrists

very slim wrists you guys and that’s all

from that’s

that’s the jostle dumbbell in action all

right let’s let’s give this sucker a try

oh oh no

do we have to do this i don’t want to do

that i mean i can’t actually read that’s

written in such a small print

with like a big red x over it that says

no

well yeah and dr london has to use his

little

his little jeweler’s loop to uh read it

actually if you wanna

yeah i’ll get to just go ahead and read

it for us and it is okay it’s in my

handwriting so i’m actually i’m gonna

have trouble

reading it out but it’s okay the the

gist that i’m getting is

open your valentine’s gifts from your

loved one

no way it said don’t open it squeeze

shake figure out what’s in gift

does that make sense oh okay yeah it

does because they don’t want us to open

the gift

without our sweethearts here the

sweethearts who had given us the gift

so we need to just sort of figure out

what the gift is by maybe jostling it a

little bit or squeezing on so just real

quick

questions yeah real quick question on

this you know

there seem to be some relatively

unmarked brown boxes at dr

london’s console that have the fish

freaks logo on them

i’m kind of

do we do we think when it says

do not open in airport is that the kind

of thing we want to shake yeah well

why not oh we’re not in an airport i

should say that that’s something we get

we ask

he lost this all the time so this studio

and none of us are pregnant either

because that was the other condition

uh no so this isn’t an airport and we

believe we get that question all the

time but no this is actually a recording

studio

so uh that’s that’s one of these subtle

differences that people don’t really

we get we have designed the airport to

be very similar to the denver airport

that has like

the the studio at the airport see even

the the demon of the horse on the

outskirts oh my gosh sometimes that’s

hard to tell

yeah exactly well you know there’s

enough paint fumes in here that i’m

willing to open just about anything so

let’s do this

yeah okay so i do see an empty paint can

here is it

is this lead paint no it’s

i i i brought it i did not lead it here

paint doesn’t walk dr london

i’ve never let dr london you’re so so

you need to you need to put the jostle

dumbbell down and stop sniffing it

okay okay dr lynn do you do you wanna do

you wanna like get out your gift

yeah yeah i’ll get my so let me get the

uh

all right is this is this from your your

fish freak date or is this from another

sweetheart uh i assume

so okay so i got like this package did

because this is

this is the box that is this the box

that that dr

schmeckner was talking about yeah that

has the fish that you’re not supposed to

open an airport i’d have to assume

it says that it does say don’t open it

oh okay okay okay

just clarifying let’s see

i’m shaking it i’m shaking it well it

sounds very

wet i’m gonna throw that out there yeah

yeah which

difficult to distinguish because i am

like i’m ankle deep now in the paint

from yeah i can’t tell if that’s you

sloshing around in the paint while

you’re jiggling it or

if it’s the box going like a

yeah so and you know i don’t think this

is cheating for me to say

but it does there does appear to be a

leak in the box

so uh and it’s leaking out some

something red like i guess red paint

that’s yeah probably yeah so um

i’m gonna say that it’s

i mean having dealt with these before

it feels kind of like a transplanted

organ

so so because you’re a doctor

i was going to go i was going to go with

beefsteak tomato

does that feel wrong in this situation

yeah i mean you know your sweetheart

more than we do is she more of like a

like a liver type of person or is she

more of a tomato type of person

i i think that she knows that if she

gives me if she like

gave me a regular like drawing of a

valentine shape

then i wouldn’t be as impressed but if

she sent me

a an actual human heart then that sends

the most direct message to me

wow yeah so that’s that that’s mine

um anyway do you uh dr schmecker do you

wanna schmeck nerd do you wanna

try out yours see what see what yours

feels like

yeah it looks like it it’s like a big oh

it’s an

envelope from the late misha schmeckner

oh

yeah we don’t know your your status do

you have a sweetheart it sounds like

you know my wife the late mrs schmeckner

was going to be here today with me but

it’s been what 45 minutes since he still

hasn’t shown up

so let’s

who knows maybe the letter has something

to do with it let’s let’s get oh

the you’re saying she’s late she’s late

to

her her required duties

not that she’s yeah she’s the late mrs

schmeckmann okay okay okay

i get it i get it yeah yeah i’m not i’m

not referring to like her period

you know she’s not pregnant to my

knowledge okay

so again your sweetheart the late mr

schmeckner had gotten you

this this is late for this request yes

uh

okay for the recording she was supposed

to actually meet me outside and i’m not

entirely certain why but

the letter might let’s uh

turn state’s evidence federal trade

commission

uh bowflex corporation this you know i

think this is just

junk mail that she just wants i hate it

i’m pretty sure this is nothing it

doesn’t it

you know it’s it’s f she probably i’m

sure she’s bringing the gift she usually

we exchange gifts in person normally

unsupervised visits and i’m certain that

is what

i’m certain that’s what’s going to be

the case okay yeah that’s that’s great

so at least we you know we ironed out

that one

cameron you’re the only one who has to

do this chore now you’re the only one

left

all right let me i mean it’s a box it

seems like it’s mostly

empty so let me just give that a like a

shake all right so i’ve got this thing

um

i mean it looks like it’s in a box so

here’s a

kind of a question like i don’t really i

didn’t think that i had a sweetheart

this valentine’s oh you talked so much

about oh

no okay that was uh that was last month

because you got the months confused

yeah i got my months turned around um

just because because last month you were

going on on about valentine’s day

and the 14th came and went

and okay yeah sorry sorry i don’t mean

to bring that up again

go ahead oh wait a minute wait right

there under your hold on let me

under your chair no there’s a card it’s

i think did this fall off the box

uh let’s see it says the eyes the eyes

oh god the eyes

oh god the eyes the eyes i don’t

oh no does that is that who you’re no

those are my those are the lyrics to

like i have a new ep that’s coming out

sorry yeah sorry i put that in an

envelope i was mailing it to myself so

that no one else would steal my lyrics

i’ll just print off another one it’s not

even that big of a deal

for copyright purposes wait you’re you

that’s how you get it

i’ve got to write something down just

give me a second yeah and

you sure yeah

um okay but i keep like does that work

for patents

and trademarks also it never mind

it’s that off topic off topic i think i

think honestly

either that or i had read somewhere

something about like if you dip

something in a bunch of paint

it’s sort of like circumvents copyright

laws and lets you sort of claim it for

yourself

similar to marking your territory as an

answer absolutely

yeah but what i was going to say is

anyway anytime i shake this box like i

feel like there’s something i mean do

you hear

that it sounds like if something

did you because if i keep shaking it

like super hard

you see every time i do that you can

hear this thing like it’s making a

squealing noise

it’s scurrying around i’m just excited

to open it once

once i finally you know meet my sweetie

whoever this is

yeah we can see little uh like

are they the pointy i don’t know if

their teeth but

whatever or i see something making dents

on the side

yeah there’s definitely a lot of looks

like holes but not intentionally poked

air holes more like

holes of something with claws trying to

escape

yeah but i mean like anyway that’s great

i yeah i mean i feel like again

like someone is a secret admirer like i

don’t want to

open it until i know who this is from

and i can open it with them so i think

maybe we should just

maybe seal up these holes a little bit

yeah just you don’t want to spoil the

surprise i mean if you really i brought

a i brought a couple of extra plastic

bags to hold the jostle dumbbells if you

want to just like

tightly wrap that box in one of these

bags that are interiorly coated in paint

that should help you i mean it’s going

to stain the box a little bit but you

know that’s fine you’re going to throw

the cardboard right

oh yeah no i mean this sounds perfect

yeah if we can just stick that in there

and then maybe

like i’ve got a vacuum we can just use

that to sort of make it airtight right

we can just sort of like suck that out

okay and that way now she knows that i

haven’t peeked because i’m like see

it’s in this giant vacuum sealed bag

or heat because i don’t know who this is

from again yeah

yeah yeah you can’t be sure but um okay

with that i feel like we’ve

but it stinks like i can tell you that

yeah and it’s it’s looks like it’s

dripping now as well but not

vaguely corkish smell coming off of that

i’m not

exactly sure but i it stinks to high

heavens

okay so let’s on that note let’s go

ahead and close these up put these away

it definitely feels like there’s some

liquid sloshing around in there but

anyway

uh dude you don’t if we could you know

uh play the

destroying the chore wheel for this week

because we have to do a new one next

week yes

um so last thing uh dr schmeckner

um we need to know how can our listeners

follow you after this how can they keep

up with you well

uh assuming the pending litigation goes

my way uh you can head to

schmecktech.ru.com

uh schmecktech.u that is schmeck spelled

like

schmeckner and tech smelled spelled like

schmeckner but with tech instead uh dot

com and you can find

all kind of if you will yeah it’s like

schmeckiner techno

i mean that was we come the schmechner

techners were my

you know when they came over on the boat

uh

if if for any reason you know i just

spit balling here

if for any reason that doesn’t happen to

be a place you can find me like if you

see like a

like an fbi takedown notice on that

website

then then you know i will probably not

be available anymore to be contacted but

you can reach out to my legal

representative

at charmcitya on twitter at charmcda on

twitter

or check out his podcast at stadia

source the number one source for stadia

news and reviews

and on that note uh i think we’ll

kind of draw things to a close thank you

so much to dr

schmeckner dr arnold schmeckner for

being on the podcast today for bringing

his podcast which you know for for

whatever

fault i may have pointed out you know

there’s still exercise

you know fighting these this obesity

epidemic so we’re always appreciative of

that

uh thank you to cameron our producer

thank you too did you doing the hose

[Music]

you know we’re we’re here after

valentine’s day and and

you know maybe your maybe your tender

swipes didn’t go the way you were

looking

maybe you woke up with markers scrawled

on you outside the home of a woman you

don’t know

and you think to yourself i wonder if

it’s my thighs

i wonder if it’s my thought region

that that turned this person off because

as we all know the thigh shot

is one of the most important shots in

your tenderness

you have to have a good thigh shot or

you just

immediate less swing immediate lessons

from the majority of the day

population you have to have a good thigh

shot

or you just immediate less swipes

immediate left swipes from the majority

of the dating the eligible

population well i mean like every every

woman’s profile

says pam looking for my gym

fluent in sarcasm no thigh shot

no swipe nope my name is Dr. London Smith (.com)

and this is this has been chop chop chop

calcium

[Music]

well that’s just great let’s go out of

town

she said it’ll be fun she said granted

it was a blast

you got to stick your head out the

window as your tongue

rolled out of your big smile basking in

the thrill of the wind streaming in your

face

but then when you got out of the car

she said go on now get

you didn’t understand of course this is

date night

we usually have a candle at dinner with

a glass of merlot

maybe go outside and stare at the stars

but

this anyway once once she started

throwing pebbles at you

it became clear that she wanted you to

go away

so you cannot be sure not not quite

but it seems as if date night is called

off

or maybe this is a test yes yes this

must be a test

time to find your way home speaking of

finding your way home

don’t forget to leave a five star review

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