Hey kids

you’re about to listen to a comedy

podcast

that means that none of this is medical

advice

if you need medical advice or medical

care please contact your doctor

previously on the jock dock podcast

my name is clumpy the elf okay i have

come

to kind of drop some truth bombs on all

of you guys i don’t know if y’all are

ready

for what i have to say he’s saying to

promised my daddy

a good lie but he was promising my daddy

all this stuff

and then there started to be a little

bit of a change when my daddy was kind

of

thinking he wasn’t gonna go we started

to feel like

we needed to get on his sleigh and go

with him

or we would regret it we were made to

feel that way

threatened suddenly what did he what did

he do to make you feel that he would

just say things like

hmm it sure would be bad if my reindeer

obliterated this whole village of all

your family

you say things like this is like sorry

oh if you don’t get on my sleigh i would

hate to see

the car now so introducing

your host dr london

smith hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast where we discuss fitness and

health and how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring

i’m your host dr londonsmith.com

i would like to begin by apologizing to

our listeners

we’ve received some feedback about the

excessive amount of technical medical

terms that i’ve been using

such as acute hemolytic transfusion

reactions

and good tidings so i’ll try to temper

my terminology to a simpler one in the

future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron good

morning dr london

hey i guess good good morning to you is

that

is that related to the the s’mores

you’re holding well the

the the graham crackers and whatever

that you’re holding right now

no these are unrelated and they’re not

you they are

just graham crackers those aren’t

s’mores yeah i guess

you have to have like two more

ingredients for it to be s’mores yeah i

didn’t see well the trick is

about that people don’t know it can be

any two ingredients

okay the the chocolate the chocolate

marshmallow combination

is is just the most popular that because

i think it was featured in like

star wars or a movie or something like

that

yeah because so you remember like ewoks

or whatever where like

like roasts and s’mores or whatever but

you could it could be like lasagna

and like uh like any sort of ham

and that one’s a cheat one you always

smoked ham you always say that lasagna

is the cheat

for it because it has so many

ingredients in itself already

yeah you you kind of one-up the classic

s’mores

yeah i mean because what’s the

difference the that hershey’s chocolate

bar look at the ingredients on that

thing

it’s got sodium big zocate and color

brown color number 14. it has a thousand

different ingredients

so then why not just put like an entire

sandwich let’s say in between those two

graham crackers yeah

and so is that what you’re is that what

you’re making today because you

i see the graham crackers oh no you’re

you’re still wondering about the good

schmorning thing

yes i didn’t know if you had figured

that out from context clues

no that’s just because i’m trying to

start some new jock doc

holiday traditions i uh like saying

good morning at this time of year yeah

like that was one

i’m testing all these out and seeing how

they’re received you know i didn’t grow

up

with traditions

my dad was always at you know we’ve

talked about this a bit before you know

my dad

worked at the sock factory

for the right sock my mom worked at the

sock factory for the left sock that’s

right

and christmas day was one of their

busiest days because of how many socks

they had to make

and so yeah yeah and so most of

the day we didn’t do caroling or

you know having a christmas goose or

anything like that

um it was it was mostly just me and my

siblings

um sort of dragging a bunch of stuff

outside

because we’re sort of acting out okay i

feel like i thought you were about to

say more there

were acting out no that was it yeah we

just like pushed the couch outside and

stuff like that

so that when our parents got home they

would know we were really really pissed

off

oh okay it’s just our way of acting out

okay

well i was gonna say you you normally

don’t talk about your siblings

i i don’t like talking about my yeah my

my childhood or my history that much

i’m not big on talking about me you know

i like to keep myself private that’s why

i don’t put a lot of like private

information on the show

yeah try to stay in the background and

not not talk too much on mike you know

and you know this definitely builds up a

reputation of me being sort of like the

quiet guy who sits in the corner

mm-hmm um anyway so yeah

yeah i’m trying to make some new holiday

traditions

new christmas traditions and the first

one i’ve got is good

morning um you know it doesn’t mean

anything yet but it could again

i mean if it schmor making about s’mores

is

i guess fine it’s yeah it’s not like

the season you it’s not this morning

it’s morning i know but it

for whatever reason i made me think of

it uh

maybe if you say it while holding out

a s’more or maybe you can call it a

shmore whenever it’s

outside of the conventional ingredients

yeah

okay you don’t seem enthusiastic about

that no that sounds like a terrible idea

but i mean like other traditions we’ve

got we

you have the ax that you’re always

carrying around ready for a tree

or a chair leg yeah

or just a person’s leg that looks like a

chair leg yeah

all for the christmas fire and then we

can make a huge instead of a christmas

tree we have a huge

christmas bonfire but i was going to say

we you know also do caroling but we

don’t do a lot of the traditional carols

we do like uh that cobra starship song

that’s like

i make them good girls go bad that has

leighton meester on it

yeah so that one we do a lot

with the family well no i mean this is

just the new traditions

so for us yeah with the family with us

so that’s one of my new ones um

you know i would say maybe uh instead of

watching like a traditional christmas

movie

one that could be ours could be maybe

one of the faces of death

movies i’m i’m not familiar i feel like

that the title would kind of push me

away from

from that oh yeah it was just a series

of sort of

like snuff type of films that were kind

of fake from like the 70s

okay and so and so you think that you

should i honestly

don’t really know but that’s gonna be

the fun

of it being a tradition but i do know

it’s it supposedly shows a lot of people

dying and like animals dying and stuff

okay yeah so sort of like it’s the end

of the year so like

that’s dying off to birth something new

which is the new year’s baby

is that do you have a new year’s baby or

is that a metaphor no

just like in just like in pop culture

like that’s

like a new year’s baby you know yeah you

always hear people saying

oh here the new year’s it’s almost the

you know it’s almost january time for

that new year’s baby we all

yeah well it’s the depiction of the

previous year as an old man in the next

year as a baby

okay well that’s um anyway so that was

our producer cameron uh

also with us is did you do in the hose

[Music]

i’m

yes

[Music]

dr london

[Music]

and later cameron tells me that we have

a special returning guest one that we

haven’t seen

since last year correct that’s right dr

london

yes let’s just say i brought back one of

the faves

okay that’s all i’m going to say well

like if it especially

say more if it’s from from this specific

time last year

that i’d like i think our listeners

would would know

who it’s going to be yes do you want me

to okay

that it’s so well you think they’re

going to think that it’s

mr soapy again no

all the was mr sophie not a favorite

mr soapy has been very controversial in

the

jock dock fan community because of the

whole bombing

yeah yeah anyway um yeah not not from

the episode but more

the fallout from the episode

and i don’t want to that those incidents

we don’t need to talk about it and we’re

technically

not allowed to talk about it um

but if you if you want to hear that

episode you knows

uh mr soapy mr drain i think we’re the

guests

anyway before we move on i would like to

address a bit of listener feedback

so i found this note spelled out in

string lights across the roof of a house

when i was driving past so this note

reads quote

can you ask your sister to return my

casserole dish

we are not on speaking terms she knows

why

i need that dish end quote

so you know first of all to this

listener thank you for reaching out to

us here at the jock talk podcast

um to answer your question uh sure

i guess i guess i could go ahead and

pass on that word to my sister

but i guess my question here would be

why did you communicate this

with the lights on your house rather

than

texting me or something that’s what

i get to me that’s that’s the odd part

do you think it’s

coveted concerns that’s keeping from

returning the dish

uh it could be i mean i know a lot of

people are having difficulties with

you know people who really um are trying

to be cautious

are you know keeping their distance from

anyone

that could harm them or that they could

harm

by transferring anything so yeah and

does the person who has the dish

who has the dish right now is this this

is your

my sister has a dish and has she been

like acting really funny lately

i like acting really sick yeah she

like really yeah like hilarious yeah

she’s been sick like hilarious yeah she

said anything funny yeah

kind of kind of cool kind of oh

yeah she’s been she’s been trying to

stand up i guess

yeah but has she been like vomiting or

no she’d been pale or have a fever

so she doesn’t contact me when she gets

sick that’s a policy of hers

oh okay so and when was the last time

she talked to you well it’s been a few

years now

okay yeah so she’s really sick that’s

why she hasn’t returned

the the casserole dish the dish yeah

okay well then you should really do

something about that as a doctor i feel

like that’s your ethical responsibility

to help out

i just you know i’m so busy and it’s

like if i get a text from her sure then

i’ll try to

whatever but like i’m just pretty busy

that’s true with the holidays and

everything

you’ll never find time to see your

sister yeah not my family

all right uh anyway so to this listener

thank you for listening

now for today’s medical topic radiation

pneumonitis

radiation pneumonitis is a condition of

interstitial

pulmonary inflammation resulting from

radiation exposure

so it occurs in 5 to 15 percent of

patients who undergo thoracic

irradiation for lung cancer

breast cancer lymphoma or thymoma

[Music]

morbidity and mortality are relate

related to the irradiated lung volume

dose

patient status and concurrent

chemotherapy

so basically how am i supposed to come

up with another

pneumonuma thing are you talking about

the last weeks

so on last week’s medical lesson

because i have to be able to like spin

this and put my two cents into the

medical line

though we talked mostly we talked mostly

about the pneumonuma guy

because that’s you’re talking about

pneumonuma disease and if that guy was

born like that or not

pneumonia but i thought i just assumed

we were done with the pneumonuma stuff

so now

now there’s like a whole nother thing so

pneumonitis the itis refers to you know

inflammation that the pneumo refers to

the lungs so this is

radiation induced yeah pneumonumagitis

yes i so just to clarify cameron you

don’t ever

have to feel obligated to jump in on

these medical lessons

i feel like it actually it takes away

from them because the

you know listeners are just trying to

learn medicine for this podcast

listeners are trying to learn whatever i

tell them they’re trying to learn

that’s the power we have we’re in

control so we can

yeah it’s medical because we decided

it’s medical this could be a podcast

about go-karts next week if we wanted to

we’re in control yeah we control our

listeners like the little

puppets that they are yes okay well

you i at least on my end i i want to

just teach medicine if that’s

if that’s all right yeah that’s fine i

don’t care that’s easier for me

i don’t have to do anything yeah yeah so

anyway so in radiation pneumonitis

uh the acute form occurs sick oh like

the pneumonoma guy i dang it

i already did i did all the the

radiation okay go ahead acute form

occurs

one to six months uh six months after

irradiation

the chronic form develops uh one to two

years later and is characterized by

alveolar thickening and pulmonary

fibrosis

patients may present with low grade

fever cough chest fullness

dyspnea and that’s difficulty breathing

and pleuritic chest pain hemoptysis

that’s coughing up blood

and even acute respiratory distress so

uh

well you know who didn’t have difficulty

breathing was the numinoma guy

doing that video for a full it was a

while three and a half

minutes oh i’m not supposed to talk

about the new maneuver guy at all

right because that was from an old

episode look i i don’t

once again i’m just teaching a medical

lesson i don’t know how to

there’s nothing else for me to grab on

to

you say acute i’ve definitely already

done stuff on that

yeah i so if if my i think like a feud

my object was to have you interrupt me

i’m supposed to spice it up

that’s the whole point of this is

that you present

this boring wikipedia article and then i

come in

and then i i basically shoot a

shotgun of excitement into the

the article you’re reading okay so you

know we’re we’re

kind of we’re pretty close to being down

here so i’m just gonna over

go over imaging so on imaging the chest

x-ray is usually normal

uh ct scan however that would be the

best study

ct and that’s like the cat scan that’s

computed tomography scan

it would likely maybe cameron time oh no

i’ve definitely done cameron

yeah it would likely reveal diffuse

infiltrates

um which is the hallmark of this disease

uh ground glass

density uh apache homogenous

you know consolidation uh hallmark

you know with uh it’s christmas cards

right

how how come all the christmas cards for

your grandparents are always

those little cartoons now what happened

to one that just the ones that just said

hey grandma

now they’re just always little cartoons

or like little old ladies telling some

joke about drinking wine or whatever

okay now for our listeners this is a

portion of

cameron’s stand-up routine that he’s

been trying to find a way to work into

the

i’m surprised it hasn’t worked its way

into medical lessons

really thus far oh my stand-ups yeah

yeah

well i have a tight five that’s i mean

it’s roughly like 13 minutes long

because it’s different every time yeah

well this one this is part if i’m not

mistaken this is part of your

six hour special it’s part of a special

but which is

itself part of a larger whole which is

sort of a cinematic universe

of my stand-up

[Music]

so to say it’s a six-hour special well

no it’s really a chapter

in a much larger special of my career

which is 30 some odd years long okay

so in any case we’re you know on imaging

um you know patients can also see uh

there can be patchy homogeneous

consolidation

plural or pericardial effusions uh

once again the ct scan is excellent for

detecting uh recurrent cancer in the

irradiated area

so ct scan computer tomography is what

you’re going to want to use there

and the treatment of choice for this

would be corticosteroids

so the so uh imagine the

new menuma guy right on steroids

so that’s which okay and and i wasn’t

going to give because i don’t want to

give away your special but that that the

new manuma guy

once again very big part of your stand

up

oh yeah and he’s in it oh yeah you got

him he comes back

and he does a concert in the special

full concert

which because he’s lip syncing for right

in the video but this time you’ve got

them actually performing

yeah i mean it’s still lip syncing but

it’s just lots of pop stars like lip

sync at their shows but they still

perform

okay yeah yeah all right well

so just the new maneuver guy all right

we can and that’s that takes up like

that’s about an hour and a half of the

yeah what yeah you’re special

all right well um we can move on from

there that’s all right

all right so uh our guest today is

actually a returning guest that goes by

the name of

clumpy the elf and last time she was

here she exposed santa for enslaving and

mistreating the elves

yes it has been a full year so i’m you

know there there was some mention of

starting a revolution

and now we’ve been yeah we need to

check in on this i want to hear some

more about it the thing is we’ve been

we’ve been so caught up

in you know the human rights issues and

here in the states

uh we don’t always keep up with news

from the north pole

so yeah not as much as we should uh

so anyway here is um clumpy

hey nice to have you back hey hey dr

london

hey cameron good to see y’all hi nice to

see you

hey you seem in a in a chipper mood

oh well how could i not be i mean the

sun is shining the birds are singing uh

and the birds aren’t the only things

that sing and let me tell you

oh what do you mean by that i’m here to

release my single

album is coming out it’s been about

it’s a long it’s been a long journey to

get here

and now’s the time to release it so

okay so is is this is this a

side thing like sort of aside your

your normal elf work but also you know

last time you came on you were sort of

had talking as sort of an activist

mm-hmm is this something you’re still

doing well yeah things have kind of

taken a turn for me

and i’ve kind of gone down a different

path

so let’s just uh i’m actually just here

to mostly talk about my singles so

let’s just go ahead and queue it up dj

dylan this is the world from yeah i know

for sure i’m excited

yeah i’m excited about it

[Music]

in this month of december check my list

one two i’m trying to remember

everything you said about me all in the

blogs ain’t really been affecting me

just sipping eggnog like in paparazzi

thinking i got secrets to sell all i

know is my man you’ve been treating me

well

sanchez got me shining like a diamond

since you got me

listening like a gym all i really need

to know now is

could you ever forgive me on my sins

[Music]

like a

[Music]

you already know what’s going down in

the sleigh like

[Music]

wow brand new

that was new that that sounds a lot

different from what i

remember best friend it is brand new

yeah i meant more like new as in

uh a lot of your what it sounds like

your opinions are

of i guess your situation yourself your

relation to santa

oh yeah things have never been better

for me

honestly yes i and i know you’re you’re

here to promote so

i guess first first you you can tell us

about

you know what what are you trying to say

with a song

i’m kind of just trying to let my haters

know

things are good for me i stopped trying

to

drum up negativity i’m kind of on a

positivity wave

and i’m trying to address the haters and

say

your haters are your motivators quit

hating on my come up okay yeah

you’re getting a lot of haters these

days it’s just a lot of people like

don’t you remember your uncle jumpy

don’t you remember what happened in the

war don’t you remember who santa really

is i’m like

daddy you’re just hating on my come-up

santa’s not who you guys thought he was

and who i thought he was so most of your

haters are

are relatives is that right yeah they’re

always saying

coffee don’t you remember

can’t you remember everything that he

put us through it hasn’t changed he’s

still

enslaving us we still don’t get any

breaks

and i’m like well he’s no he is

different

just because he doesn’t seem different

to you doesn’t mean he’s not different

huh he’s strange he’s totally different

to me

just because they choose to stay in that

negative headspace

doesn’t mean that i have to be dragged

down into the bit of hell with

them so i’m just trying to say haters

come on now well it’s not it’s not even

just

having a positive attitude i mean you

not only has your opinion changed on

santa but now you’re making

songs that are i mean sort of propaganda

for him i feel like that’s a that’s a

huge 180

from last year i wouldn’t say propaganda

at all no

everything that santa’s done for me

i mean i can’t help but shout it from

the rooftops he’s the one paying for my

career for my tour

just to try to get to i guess find out

where your headspace is

and track from from where you were to

where you are now

the last time we spoke to you you wanted

us

to gather all the people of the world

and weapons and fire and go to siberia

to fight santa in the war in a

revolution

[Laughter]

wow that’s kind of making me laugh

that was that was the main that was a

big problem in the enslavement

i just remember how nice i used to be

and it just maybe um you know maybe

instead of trying to

ask you maybe we can go through these

lyrics maybe there’ll be some clues

to find out like you know a little bit

of your thought process here

i would like to focus on the music if we

could

yes yeah yeah yeah this this is like a

like a behind the scenes like a behind

the music type of thing which will be

hopefully a treat for your fans i mean

you’re talking about your haters

i assume you’ve got some fans too right

clumpy pretty much anyone who’s a fan of

santa at this

point is a fan of clumpy wow

okay by dk yeah well it should be an

easy transition then

honestly you should think about maybe

putting your ep

in his bag so that he can kind of hand

it out to

to everyone he gives gifts to come

christmas day

kind of more working with the youtube

people

that sent their albums directly to the

ipod we’re more on that type of

technology

uh oh okay yeah i guess that’s a little

old school to send them

send them physical eps i mean what would

they play it on

oh yeah devices yeah that’s true so

let’s look at

some of these lyrics that you said so

you said um you know attention all my

haters this month of december that

that makes sense most of us could say

that yes um

you know check your list trying to

remember

uh everything you said about me and all

the blogs

ain’t really affecting me i’m sitting

what

what were people saying in the blogs

well it’s kind of been like

what what do i do if my daughter’s been

brainwashed

okay so this is your mother your

mother’s blog trying to

gain support i’m just like i don’t

understand why they choose to stay in a

negative headspace

we’ve moved on we have a record deal

we’ve got a

tour around the world with santa i mean

i just i’m ready to leave that in the

past

just to just to speak to how someone can

stay in a negative headspace

some people uh whenever your world

changes whenever your perspective

changes

sometimes their perspective and their

world

may remain so unchanged that you know

that

that their worldview doesn’t have a

reason to switch

like yours that’s how ma’am

yeah well i it sounds like maybe and

it’s just a guess here that maybe your

your circumstances changed

which i think was revealed a little bit

in the lyrics here um

you know it happened in such a way as to

make you

uh maybe no longer enslaved

yeah it sounds like i mean it sounds

like santa signed you to his record

label is that about right

my positive choices changed my

circumstances

okay so what led to you getting

so santa is funding this tour and this

album and this music you’ve referenced

that

a number of times so how did that even

come about like how did santa

sign you did you go to him with this

music or did he

i mean how did you get signed he

listened to the last podcast

and he called me and he met with me

he started meeting with me seven days a

week

which was actually kind of a paradigm

shift for me a little bit because elf

weeks are only

five days and so

first of all when he revealed oh

actually weeks or seven days and you’re

gonna be with me seven days a week

meeting and discussing things

uh you know i kind of started seeing

things a different way

and so okay so so increase exposure to a

given

culture that you had previously

demonized

um whenever you had some sort of

intimate encounter with it uh

it meaning in this case you know as

santa’s in this world

um you know it forces you to have a

change perspective which

you know a lot of people can benefit

from being around people who they

previously thought ill of without really

understanding them so i

you know i do see some validity to that

approach

and he had some wonderful cookies

yeah okay and i would just kind of eat

these

cookies and kind of you know suddenly i

really started to see everything kind of

differently and

yeah okay that’s just kind of been the

positive way if i’ve been writing ever

since

and so i’m just kind of letting my

haters know like

bye-bye kind of thing yeah

and you’re haters who are mostly your

parents

but um i wanted to ask a little bit

about i mean

so how are things

for everyone else like your you know

your family seems to be mad about this

how are their conditions and livelihood

are they

also you know living in glamour like

you’re doing right now tour in the world

they still choose to live in a five-day

week

and in a five-day week mindset yeah

and so that’s because they work five

days a week

are you sure that they are that that’s a

choice for them could they choose not to

work that much or have that mindset

they still need to pay for their

you know living quarters and their

soup yeah whereas you

you you didn’t have to keep paying for

those or

i’m wondering what separates you from

them well it’s

it sounds like santa i mean i think we

can just find this out from

here it says right here

all i know is my man he’d be treating me

well

santa got me shining like a diamond

santa got me glistening like a gem

all i really need to know now is

could you ever forgive me of my sins

so it sounds like you’ve been hanging

out with santa a lot clumpy

like a lot a lot is there uh

i mean is that is he your man i mean

are you all like are you all together

well

here’s the thing he’s got a wife right

they’ve been married i mean for

like a thousand years right that’s what

i was about to say so the thing with

santa’s wife is actually

she’s immortal

she she is a mortal

so that means you know she kind of

starts getting older his current wife is

about

99 years old

oh so there’s been a lot of misses

clauses

correct okay so

here’s the thing you know she doesn’t

really know what’s going on anymore

she’s kind of just in her room she’s

kind of just

older yeah so she’s had her declining

cognitive function she probably has

dementia she has no clue what’s

happening

yes that’s that’s so sad to hear

well that’s just kind of something that

you know human women have to sign up for

when they

marry santa and take on the mrs claus

yeah it really should be it more of a

job for an immortal being

i’m thinking so

but well i mean elves if i remember

correctly they

they only live you know 700 years which

isn’t it isn’t a small amount

necessarily but it’s certainly

not immortal either with the current

technology

and the current medical knowledge you’re

working with yes

okay we don’t know what the tech’s going

to be like

700 years from now

um and i can’t get into it too much but

i mean santa’s working with

the highest tier people you could

possibly imagine

he’s santa yes yeah he sounds like he’s

a pretty like

connected guy for sure yeah

which i would expect me on this world

tour

yeah and i mean for him to be able to

even get

a world tour during covid when like

beyonce can’t get one going like no one

can that alone is huge

so i mean he must have paid a pretty

penny for this

he must like really believe in your

message something else that santa’s done

that a lot of people

are not giving him credit for is

santa made the most ventilators

out of any country

on earth whoa so you do have to give

them that

yeah no and i don’t think that that’s

really the issue i guess for me

it’s still you know the uh the war

crimes that you

that you mentioned the last time you

were on the show uh

now i recognize your relationship to

santa has changed

but is the you know

is the genocide still a problem

i know even in your song you mentioned

you know the very creatures that he used

to commit the genocide which was the

reindeer

that that he brought you rain to your

skin i don’t know if that was a way of

apologizing and saying that he’s done

with that life

um could you shed any light on that what

those lyrics meant

he made me a reindeer skin jacket that i

wanted

because i really didn’t like one of the

reindeer i’m being honest with you

who did he who did he make it out of

this isn’t a jock talk exclusive

vixen oh

the bad boy so okay because you

definitely the last time you were on the

podcast you were so afraid

of this these reindeer like you were it

was a

you you were making it sound like being

in their presence would be the most

terrifying thing of your life

and now you’re talking pretty casually

about them

and just saying that like you didn’t

even want them to be

you know gotten rid of or anything it’s

just that you wanted their skin

for a jacket and i’m just i’m just

trying to understand

once again this transition from one way

of thinking to now

i i think can i have i have almost uh a

guess

here if you don’t mind re reading the

lyrics as well

and i i have questions about this

because we need specifics

but it does say we don’t want to skip

over it could you ever forgive me

of my sins i’m so sorry about what i

said baby and about what i did

i can presume the i’m so sorry about

what i said is probably what you said on

this podcast right

which is why he called you and by the

way very excited to have another

listener

so great thank you for introducing it to

santa

but i gotta ask it says cause when i see

things

from your way baby what does that mean

seeing things his way what is that what

is that

what does that look like it looks like

living in abundance and living in

glamour and

dripping in jewels and getting to go on

expensive trips

to fiji and

those are the types of things that

we like he sees life through

having immense wealth is that

and and going on holiday around the

world

and just getting things done that need

to be gotten done

i mean you know he’s just he gets things

done that’s all that i can say

really what what does that mean

what kind of stuff is he getting done

whatever he needs to that’s what he gets

done

i really am not comfortable talking

about all that i really just want to

focus on the

music here yeah so and once again i feel

like we are

very focused on the music uh but

you know given that maybe these lyrics

aren’t comfortable for you

um what are the uh whenever you do this

music whenever you perform

are the proceeds going towards maybe

helping

your family or helping those you know

who are enslaved maybe

helping bring them out of the you know

that

as you said that headspace uh yeah what

would they need to do

to uh get on your vibe

your positive vibes like what what what

does that mean

in a practical sense they would just

need to start living in abundance and

start uh

living a conquering life and start

you know dripping in jewels and

glistening like jams

[Applause]

[Music]

courageous thoughts and ideas so

i it sounds like

you your whole perspective now is

defined by

having a lot of money by having means

and it sounds like your problem with

your family is that they have

they do not have means and so they will

not understand

do you think maybe you could share with

them some of this this wealth

uh no because it’s not really my wealth

to give

i can kind of share my way of thinking

and that is positivity and that is

moving forward and that is leaving

you know the ugly and the gross and the

past

and i can kind of leave you know staring

at the problem all the time i can leave

that in the past

and they can too so you say it’s not

yours to give

but i’m referring specifically to the

the

the revenue that you generate from your

pop music tour no i don’t

handle the money i kind of let

santa pay and i just kind of let him

move the money around he’s here he’s

your money guy

so i can just focus on the art yeah

so he he does he sort of function as a

guardian of sorts too

like takes care of your money tells you

what you can and cannot do where you can

and cannot go

i wouldn’t word it like that but if

in summon how would you word it me and

say to have to make a lot of agreements

for me to live this a certain way that’s

how i would

put it i mean if you’re in a partnership

yeah that is a very positive way to put

it for sure

which you’re all about that’s what i’m

all about nowadays

so i mean what’s next for your for this

amazing

new career she’s gonna be putting out

some more songs

and keep tearing around the world

and we’ll see if we find life on other

planets and might start

touring over there is that something you

you guys are actively

doing or are you talking about in a

hypothetical sense like

if someone discovers that they’re aliens

or is is this

are y’all searching for aliens we have

many partners

elon musk i i don’t i don’t know what

you mean by that i don’t know what we

mean

many partners that are aliens

partner we’re kind of just a part of a

big

think tank honestly you guys

don’t even need to really know about

that we just need to focus on the music

okay okay well i get that

dasher dancer blitzen cupid

me and santa acting stupid

you already know that clumpy gets her

way

what is klompy’s west what is clumpy’s

way

abundance positivity

forward thinking diamonds

jams trips to fiji

trips to the rocky mountains right after

fiji

yes for a weekend

okay so gets her way you mean you this

is just the exact same thing that you

you’ve been saying the whole song which

is just get

vacations and jams

and and gems louboutins

and my career okay well

things are going good for clumpy when i

started

using the power of positive thought yeah

yeah it does sound like your your new

found attitude

and um you know friendship

with uh the old uh man in the north pole

has definitely been with already getting

down in the sleigh

like ho ho but

it’s just friendship yes

that’s what’s going down on the sleigh i

wouldn’t say that

all right well um you know i feel like

we

you know we went through your song and i

feel like we kind of

got as in depth with the lyrics as we

can but i i mean

i no i i i can’t get over this though dr

london so you’re

you’re with santa but has he stopped

his more violent tendencies from the

past

have you tried to get him to stop i

haven’t seen that

behavior from him well you you told us

about watching at his command the

reindeer

you know destroying i think obliterate

was a term you used

uh your all the family that

would not say yes to

leaving the south pole to go to the

north pole you know your uncle

was them not saying yes just a lack of

positivity was that

is that the is that what he was doing

was just trying to eliminate the

negativity i need to get things done and

he moves

forward and he’s moving us to a new

future

so santa gets things done that’s all

that i need to say

he’s moving wait when you say us are you

talking about

you and the elves or are you talking

about us as like humanity

is is santa taking over the world or

something

well how many people believe in santa

how many people worship santa

on earth i mean

several seven billion right

well i don’t really have to say much

after that huh

nope maybe maybe stop maybe stop being a

little

facebook sheeple and maybe start

thinking for yourselves

like the elves i what you mean like the

elves as in just

you or like the elves in your enslave

family

clumpy do you have a role in the stuff

santa does now

like on the field are you a ranking

military member in

santa’s army now mostly i just like to

stick with the music

and i mostly like to discuss the music

okay i you know cameron i feel like

we’re not gonna get much more out of her

i feel like but it does i just i’m

really worried that i don’t

i don’t want to live in the north pole

and it does sound like

santa’s trying to make the whole world

like a north pole place or something

yeah it does sound like

or is going to kidnap us and take us

there it sounds like anyone who resists

will be made to yeah we’re seen as the

past that they’re looking forward beyond

yeah but you know i look

and i hate to do it but we gotta get

these chores done

oh yeah we got to do the chores

cameron you want to explain the chore

wheel for listeners

yeah yeah sure so for any new listeners

that we might have

we dr lyndon and i have been neglecting

our chores our to-do list

for a really really long time now and

it’s kind of piled up into this huge

list so i created this wheel

this chore wheel that has all everything

that we’ve got to do and

every week we’ve just spinning it and

then whatever it lands on we have to do

even if we don’t want to do it and so

clampy

will you uh will you help us out with

today’s chore whatever it is

sure okay and uh do you wanna

you wanna actually give it a give it an

old spin

all right oh not this one but i

like at the same time i know that

this is probably the time to do it

yeah and considering we put this on here

last year we’re also

sort of having to make up for not doing

this last year

okay so yeah for our listeners um

we we have some last minute christmas

shopping to do that’s that that’s the

chore

we all have inclu including klompy

we all have because clumpy was with us

last year when we put this chore

on our list that’s right we all have

relatives that look i’m gonna be honest

i forget about

i’m not gonna think about every single

relative every single holiday

i’m busy i have a lot of things to feed

yeah yeah and and they’ll they’ll rise

up if you don’t

yeah they get pissed but

and organized so we’ve gotta but we

gotta get gifts so

um i figured we can probably help

each other pick some gifts

so i mean dr linda who do you gotta who

do you gotta get a gift for

well it’s i mean i guess it’s kind of a

normal thing but like

so for me the one that i forgot and

i’m sure she’ll remember that i forgot

but um

it’s my my great aunt uh listeria mania

so my greatest listen yeah she uh

she always wants a very specific gift it

has to be

has to be made of you know like a

porcelain thing

it has to be that uh

and beyond that i really don’t i know

that she loves pepper spray

she loves pepper spray so

she likes using it on people or she just

likes

i think the idea of it uh well i know

she puts it on her food

and oh okay so it’s like a flavoring

well it’s that

but also like she has posters

like all the like you know some some um

beverages will advertise all over you

know

all their posters for their brands she

has that but for pepper spray brands

all over or like like people might have

in their homes like a really old beer ad

or like an old cigarette ad from like

the 30s or something that’s kind of

cool you’re saying she has pepper spray

pepper spray ads

everywhere and so like it’s

it’s honestly one of those things where

if you don’t get her a pepper spray

themed

porcelain thing and you can’t get her

the same thing someone else got

uh she’ll she’ll mark you down and the

thing is there’s an inheritance there

so you really can’t pull it off you’re

kind of dependent

on i mean i’m not dependent but like i

it’d be nice well you’d be stupid not to

to maybe you’d get to travel the world

with uh santa and coffee

a little bit help them on their

initiatives yeah well i don’t know if

if our you know missions would cross

over but

anyway so clompy i don’t know if you can

help me with this either because i know

you have some experience in

gift uh construction and

you know finding well i guess i can kind

of just cheat because i

do have access to santa’s laptop i can

just look it up and see what she

actually does want

oh okay yeah yeah if you could do that

that would make it easy

i mean i assume okay it looks like what

was her name again

uh my great aunt listeria

okay

she wants the porcelain pepper spray

enema

okay

i mean that is that’s pretty close to

what i was going to suggest

in the first place you were before i

started describing what you would want

no before clompy looked it up okay

i was good because you have i was going

to say a pepper spray shower from a

porcelain

shower head yeah so it’s just the

opposite

direction yeah okay well uh all right

well thank you clappy i guess i’ll go

ahead and yeah look that up

all right and um uh clumpy do you want

to go next

i can’t figure out what to get my

boyfriend’s

mom okay is is your boyfriend’s mom

still alive the thing with her is that

she’s immortal oh right

so she has everything and she also has

transcended out of her physical self and

is now

kind of more of a light being those are

tough to show

it’s hard to figure out so probably not

clothes

right i think it would just burn jewelry

i thought about a shade of lipstick but

people are so particular about that yeah

she wouldn’t even like it

what about what about a like a a prism

i know light can travel through prisms

that’s an interesting take

yeah because well i if she likes to

travel then

than that i mean that also could hurt

right

i i don’t i i don’t interact with

beings of immortal beings of light as

often as you might

you have to yeah you have to

what does can i ask real quick what does

she do for fun

exists i can’t okay i think the prism

might actually be a good idea though

yeah

okay so that that’d be my recommendation

is uh you know prism it maybe make it

holiday

make it a holiday prism like a santa

prism

poinsettia prism

well i was just saying like maybe like

santa could be on it which

for her would sort of function as like

uh like a

framed picture because it would be

for her son yeah does that does that

seem adequate glumpy that seem like

it’ll work

sure uh cameron what what’s yours

um so i have to get a gift

for my dog sitters

dog sitter yeah because i didn’t get him

anything at all last year

or the year before or the year i’ve

forgotten for a number of years

and it’s kind of making it awkward i’ve

had to avoid parties and all this kind

of stuff

yeah i i cannot imagine being in your

shoes

yeah so i mean the only things i really

know about him

are that he’s 11 feet tall

mm-hmm and

he’s worth 74 billion dollars

11 feet tall 7 million dollars does he

like dogs

would be my a big question from me

no i i think he hates dogs okay

so we can roll that like my dog sitter

uses him but he

he tells me to not use him okay he’s

like

i wouldn’t use him man like i do

but you gotta you gotta use me still

so it does make it sound like maybe he

kind of hates dogs yeah

okay so i probably avoid getting

something dog related

um yeah but for an 11 foot tall which

the opposite of get

dog related would be to get something

cat related maybe

i mean i i don’t know that’s necessarily

the opposite

it’s just but yeah usually someone’s

gonna be either dog or cat person

or no animal person

uh but seven feet tall and seven billion

dollars it sounds like

eleven feet tall sorry and seventy

seventy four billion seventy four

billion okay i’m sorry i

i definitely missed that so

with someone who has such immense wealth

and height it’s so hard to buy for

well i would i would think that um you

have to get something that’s more

sentimental

more aimed at what you know about the

person so like more like a creative

guest yes

rather than than a store bought

well i do have a a

picture of him i’ve only met this guy i

mean like

like like two times like seven years ago

yeah so i’ve got a picture of him

but not like of us together it’s sort of

i had to it’s sort of he’s in the

background of another picture well it’s

just his legs right of our mutual

friends

it’s just his legs and his torso and i

sort of have to crop them out of it

so it really just it looks like a zoomed

in pair of legs is what it essentially

okay now that’s something to work with

though okay

so clumpy do you have any ideas first

thing that was coming to my mind is you

could use the picture as kind of a

template to make

to sew him a pair of hand-tailored pants

i’m sure as an 11-foot man it’s very

difficult to find

pants the length that he needs them and

like we were saying earlier he has

everything so it seems like

you putting in the effort to learn how

to sew learn about fabrics you know

it’ll take you a couple of

years to become a master seams uh seems

stressful

so the pants of an 11 foot tall man

that’s just the immediate first thing

that came to mind oh this is really good

okay

so so we’re gonna use both things here

the picture

and making the pants i’m gonna spend the

next

11 years of my life training to be a

master

seamstress and i’m gonna make him

probably the most comfortable

pair of pants that has ever existed yes

and you could probably even grow

the cotton i’m gonna harvest the cotton

myself you have time then what we’re

gonna do

is you know when people like recreate

old pictures that they took like it’ll

be a picture of like

from it’ll be them as a kid with a puppy

and then they recreate it like

years later with them as an adult with

the dog

we can sort of do the same thing yeah

where i recreate this picture that i had

to zoom in on

and it’s just a picture of his legs but

with the new

pants that i just made for him yeah that

sounds like it would really

uh really be something because yeah

people love those recreated pictures i

love it i do

love that and that’s giving him the gift

of

you know joining in on a viral sensation

assuming

oh it’ll it’ll be huge on reddit

assuming reddit is still aware

in 11 years and 11 years yeah in 2031.

yeah well that that sounds fan i don’t

honestly my my idea feels so

short-sighted at this point too

i no both of y’all contributed yeah

everyone helped this was great all right

so um

i guess so so i guess that’s all of our

chores done for today

well all of our tour uh all right so i

guess i’ll um

yeah i’ll just pull back uh because i to

to

put the this chore wheel back today we

have to wind this

up okay and stretch this back

you gotta you need help with pushing the

thing well

well honestly it’s more that so i got

the hedge clippers here and i’ve just

gotta

i’m gonna just yep okay ow yep

and it’s done it’s done it’s done okay

so uh

that’s the a little bit but okay that’s

the

drawer wheel all right so um i feel like

that’s a good time to kind of bring this

to

a close uh we’ve we’ve learned a lot

about

you know clumpy’s new headspace

and her single uh all right so thank you

clompy for being on the show

okay well bye okay uh also thank you to

cameron thank you to digital in the

house

listeners are trying to learn whatever i

tell them they’re trying to learn

that’s the power we have we’re

[Music]

we control our listeners like the little

puppets that they are

[Music]

[Music]

my name is dr lennonsmith.com and this

has been

the jock doc podcast see ya

[Music]

bye

[Music]

okay

[Music]

your shopping bags bulge outward from

the pressure of their contents

you do not regret your purchases though

sure the guy in the alley seemed

kind of shady but he promised you the

good stuff

you walk along coily secretly proud of

the adoring glances from the people in

the street

adoring and well let’s face it jealous

yes these are some fine shopping bags

the best you can get in these parts the

hooded man

said the only catch he added

is that they would be filled with

something odd at first

but as long as you drop the packages off

at the locations he wrote on a small

wadded up piece of paper

these bags were free for a moment you

became worried

at the red liquid that was currently

oozing out

but then you remembered what the man had

said red

ooze comes out of all fancy shopping

bags

hadn’t you noticed you hadn’t but you

also did not want to embarrass yourself

in front of the kind stranger

so you nodded along now as you

drop off the package at various

dumpsters throughout the city

you can’t help but feel proud of

yourself for rising up out of mediocrity

like this

wow fancy shopping bags

speaking of rising up out of mediocrity

don’t forget to leave a 5 star review of

the jock talk podcast

in which you share about the times when

you have unknowingly transferred

packages of severed parts throughout the

city

and consider supporting us by becoming a

patron on the jock doc podcast patreon

and while you’re at it go ahead and

share the jock talk podcast with a

friend or foe

you can send them a link to your

favorite episode or just send them our

handy website

jockdocpodcast.com we are @jockdocpodcast

thanks for listening