All posts by London Smith

97. Cavernous Hemangioma/Charbriel Byrnne (feat. Charlie Sanders of Bald Talk)

Hey kids you’re about to listen to

comedy podcasts that means that none of this

is medical advice if you need medical

advice or medical care please contact

your doctor

welcome to the jock doc podcast

featuring

dr london smith he can run for miles

and he’s done clinical trials he’s the

jock doc

introducing your host

[Music]

hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast

where we discuss fitness and health and

how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring

i’m your host dr londonsmith.com

i would like to begin by apologizing to

our listeners

we received some feedback about the

excessive amount of technical medical

terms that i’ve been using

such as stippled epiphysis and upon a

slitted sheet

i sit so i’ll try to temper my

terminology to a simpler one in the

future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron hi dr london hi there

how was your uh how was your weekend it

was all right i mean

you know i didn’t uh you know it wasn’t

all planned

what happened but um you know it was

yeah but you you definitely reacted like

it was planned

yeah so like yeah so as you know i’ve

i’ve been

sort of taking up these clinical trials

i know for the for the vaccine

people you know we’re all doing these

clinical trials you know to try out the

vaccine

yes and so i thought why stop there

yeah normally i’m giving out the

medicine because you

the the trials you’re going on have

nothing to do with the vaccine you’re

just interjecting

that right now because it’s kind of

sounds like a moral high ground

well it’s like it sounds like noble and

just that you’re doing these

clinical trials yes i mean i guess the

reason i introduced it that way is

because

i it wasn’t even on my radar to do a

clinical trial

like yeah like any of these beforehand

so

these trials you’ve been telling me

about are weird dr london i

like i know the word trial can mean a

lot of different things but a

i don’t think a courthouse should be

involved and

b the like time the hunting time trials

that you guys do

yeah where it’s like oh you’re given

three minutes to bag as many

rabbits as possible i i don’t understand

that part at all okay yeah and well and

you know i guess you’re not a doctor i

guess is the short answer there but um

damn son yeah that is true

and i guess i should specify so some of

these clinical trials that i’ve done

um are ones where i sign up to be hunted

and then other ones are where someone

else signs up to be hunted so it’s not

it’s not all one thing you’re kind of

painting broad strokes here i want to

clarify these clinical trials are you

know

that it varies by whichever trial but

i just i hadn’t even thought about doing

a clinical trial until

i kept getting all these advertisements

for the the vaccine

well it’s like that short story the most

dangerous catch

is is that the one where they go uh hunt

crabs

at sea so yeah they’re on this huge

fishing boat

and basically one of the crabs is so big

that it’s hunting the people

so the tables have turned right

yeah it’s one of those things where i i

feel so unplugged sometimes like i just

yeah i’m surprised because yes we do

do most of these outs out at sea and

international waters

um just to there are a lot of legal

things that you can

really get around that way uh to do

these clinical trials

yeah so when you asked how my weekend

was

uh it yeah so the ship did sink

but i made it back ashore so i’d like to

think that um

it was it wasn’t exactly according to

plan it was a successful trial yeah oh i

made it back

and that was i guess what you guys were

testing

yeah safety it was a test of safety oh

okay

so so they’re it’s different phases of

clinical trials so

the first phase of a given clinical

trial is going to be

safety and then you test efficacy

right so this one is saying like can

this pill be taken

if you’re on a sinking boat yeah i i

will say

it was just can this bill be taken

because the boat

oh yeah that was the part that you know

people don’t know this but

testing medicine and is very similar to

how

you know cavemen back in the day would

would test like different types of

mushrooms to see

what’s poisonous and what’s not and by

that i mean you just

you just take them no one knows what’s

going to happen at first

and then you whittle it down like the

the trials usually start with

you have like 300 pills and you’re just

kind of trying them

and different things are gonna happen

and then you whittle out like well these

make this thing grow

these make this thing go away this stops

this thing

to some extent this is you know we’re

getting a little bit into pharmacology

here which is

a bit complex for where we’re at i just

yeah just to make clear

just it was just the first phase the

clinical trial so it’s not

okay well you know well i’m thank you

for telling me about your weekend yeah

you know i i don’t

you know i don’t normally try to talk

about my personal life so much um

yeah but of course well because most of

it lately has just been this

yeah so yeah we’ve been a lot of well

i sometimes i tell people it’s vacation

but really yes

it’s just going out to to see to swallow

a pill

and um see if i make it back

yep also known as the ultimate trial

so um anyway so that was our producer

cameron

uh also with us is digital in the hose

clinical trial

[Applause]

i’ve been sort of taking up these

clinical trials i know for the vaccine

they’re all doing these clinical trials

i’ve been sort of taking up these

clinical trials i know for the vaccine

you’re all doing these clinical trials

i’ve been sort of taking up these

clinical trials i know for the vaccine

they’re all doing these clinical trials

i’ve been sort of taking up these

clinical trials it wasn’t even on my

radar to do

a clinical trial clinical trial

clinical trial

[Music]

clinical trial

i’ve been sort of taking up these

clinical trials i know for the vaccine

they’re all doing these clinical trials

i’ve been sort of taking up these

clinical trials it wasn’t even on my

radar to do

a clinical trial

and later cameron tells me that we can

expect a special guest

so uh that’s right dr london i mean i

have to assume

every week someone shows up and is a

guest usually you

you find them somewhere right like you

well i definitely have been telling you

that

but i would say at least half the weeks

i say that we have a guess and i have no

idea what’s gonna happen and thank god

someone just drops by

okay yeah like because there are

definitely times whenever people were in

full

you know pizza delivery uniform and i

mm-hmm

i thought okay is this a doctor and but

they they do turn out usually to be

pizza delivery dr

okay but before i move on i would like

to address a bit of listener feedback

i found this note written in um it’s

it was written on my big white fence

that is to say it’s

it’s written on the big white guy i know

who sells stolen goods

the note reads quote that was not me

deborah had the rash

and she is telling everyone it was me i

do not affiliate with her

and her rash you take someone to the

doctor to be helpful and this is what

you get

lesson learned tell deborah end quote

so first of all thank you for reaching

out to us at the draw talk podcast

um i don’t always read what’s written on

my fence

i’ll say that now um yeah but it sounds

like one of your patients

brought in a friend or family member who

had a rash and

they’re mad that you helped them that’s

that’s that’s what i’m getting at

it’s it is granted my patients do know

that the best way to communicate you

know some people do it through

a sort of a patient portal messaging

system

for me it is you know

put it into your newspaper uh like

crossword puzzles license plates that

kind of thing

but um this one was a little bit more

direct in that it’s written on

the the fence that i know who sells the

stolen goods um

so anyway i guess they’re just

correcting me on this this little note

that i need to make in their chart where

uh so deborah is the one who has

the the rash so yeah and so i mean they

have a good point like

you you always take care of these

patients when they come in

but you never even consult their friends

and family to see like is this actually

the best option for them

in terms of my treatment plan yeah

like she comes in with a rash but like

did you even consult any of her friends

or like her fans maybe she has fans of

whether or not that rash is an important

part of her personality

right okay i hadn’t considered that i i

i have to feel as if

hipaa could be violated there but not if

it’s through email

people don’t know that hippa only

applies if it’s if you’re like on the

phone

okay or if you’re in person but if you

email someone it doesn’t matter

because that could be a hacker on the

you can’t prove that it’s not using

it could be a hacker if it’s on the

phone or if it could be a hacker if it’s

through email through emails that you

can just say it was a hacker oh

okay you can do that with anything you

have to easy out is what you’re saying

you have an excuse okay yeah that’s why

if i try to break up with someone but i

want to like

maybe keep it open i’ll do it through

email so that way if i want to take it

back the next day i can say that was a

hacker

and they’ll be like how did the hacker

know so many of the specifics about my

family

and i would say oh i don’t know maybe he

must have hacked your

your journals yeah okay i

i feel like i mean that that that’s

a lot about your personal so so you’ve

broken up with people

via email just wording it kind of like a

spam email just in case

yes yeah changing font sizes a lot of

click

here but like it it’s different

letters are high are clickable yeah the

whole word

this does just sound like your average

email in general so

it’s i guess that makes sense okay

um anyway to that listener thank you for

listening and for submitting your

feedback

uh now for today’s medical topic

cavernous hemangiomas

cavernous hermangiomas are vascular

tumors that are usually

small and asymptomatic they are the most

common type of benign liver tumor

so as the size of the tumor increases as

can happen due to pregnancy or use of

oral contraceptives

these symptoms increase and uh they may

include

right upper quadrant abdominal pain or

mass

this is kind of crazy i just read a book

about this

it was like a spy thriller but like i

just read a book about this so i i might

actually interject here every once in a

while with my own

sort of you know maybe controversial

takes on this

subject cavernous because

because this isn’t a super long subject

so i but

it’s cavernous hemangiomas you you’ve

read a book about it

and it was a spy thriller this benign

liver tumor yeah no it was i

oh it’s got to be like a grisham or

something like

that and i think it was about a guy who

was a doctor but it was also a spy i

don’t know i don’t remember

a lot of it but i just read a book about

this so i feel pretty educated on the

subject

okay you go ahead with your eyes i’m not

trying to get it right i’m just saying

i’m going to interject sometimes with

maybe some controversial opinions okay

uh so complications of cavernous

hemangiomas

uh they’re uncommon but if the tumor is

very large

they could it could rupture and that

could you know hemorrhage it could cause

obstructive

jaundice uh coagulopathy congestive

heart failure secondary to a large av

shunt uh gastric outlet obstruction

and this is all you know with most

benign tumors it’s like this where

the bigger it gets the more it can block

or obstruct or

you know cause problems simply because

of size

well and it’s interesting that you

mentioned that dr london because if you

look at the broader

picture of sort of the larger scale of

sort of how

these sort of medical aspects affect

different

sized communities but also

sort of the places yeah

where so and i i hate to interrupt you

there because it sounds

uh-huh it’s time to go and kind of sort

of macro with this idea

i told you it might be a little

controversial

and so i like i thought this show was a

little more free than that but i

understand you don’t want to you don’t

want to turn people off i get it

so anyway uh for cavernous hemangiomas

you can diagnose with ultrasound or ct

scan with iv

contrast uh biopsy is actually

contraindicated

because of risk of rupture and

hemorrhages

most cases do not require treatment uh

consider resection if the patient is

symptomatic or if there’s a high risk of

rupture and once again that can help

with large tumors

but uh well and see this is an

interesting point because if you

if you focus on you the hot you talk

about

high but that ends up being sort of like

relative when you look at

sort of a larger scale aspect of

different demographics

and you look at sort of like the

different ways they sort of

when you sort of turn it on it’s on its

edge

so you’re when you sort of i i i feel

like you’re

maybe going epidemiological about it but

once again this is a

you know it’s just a benign vascular

tumor in the liver

it’s not it’s very interesting yeah okay

well

do you and this is the kind of back and

forth that i’m glad that we can have on

this podcast freely

yeah yeah this controversial

back and forth and like i hate to

interrupt you maybe we can return to it

but you want to move on

for now that’s fine that’s fine okay

all right uh cameron you said that we

have a guest today is that right

that’s right dr london or again i have

to assume i have to assume

when i’m gonna turn around right here

there will be someone in the guest chair

yeah okay

um so do we want to do that right now

ooh uh yeah no no i think i’m ready

okay okay one

two three what

whoa greetings gentlemen hello

see i told you dr london it’s all it

always works out okay

yeah just like my my clinical trials uh

well hello there my name is dr london

smith.com and this is our producer

cameron

what was your name hello dr london hello

cameron

my name is dr charabril byrne hello

doctor

great uh you know great job cameron

normally we don’t

uh we don’t have as many doctors on here

as i would like

so um i’m a psychoanalyst okay okay

that’s and i can already tell this from

the first 12 minutes of your podcast

that

the two of you have relationship

problems that run deep

that is definitely true i mean yeah

there’s i have

there’s no reason to deny that at all

wow this is uh

this guy sucks okay it’s

who me no you mean jack london

oh yeah dr london is just it’s just

sucks is probably maybe too harsh what’s

a different way to say it

is there a way to affirm your feelings

without hurt and hate i don’t think

that’s possible

yeah that’s gonna be difficult but we

could say maybe

like i think if it was a group setting

of maybe like 30 or 40 people

maybe that’s how our relationship should

be going forward

you so you’re saying you want to be

exposed what is it you want to expose

cameron

ooh what do i want to expose well

so there is this one thing so my

grandfather

was sort of around when jfk was shot

and i don’t want to say that he was like

involved

as much as just he he doesn’t want to

talk about that day

cameron you gotta look inside

close your eyes okay

i’m closing my eyes picture the grassy

and all

is your grandpa there uh yes

well then i think he was probably part

of the assassination

yeah you know in his defense his grandpa

loves grassy knolls like every

every saturday he goes to that same

grassy knoll and i don’t know if that’s

remembering or if it’s just enjoying

because grassy knolls

historically are nice places to visit he

just likes to roll around

on it and you know i love the grassy

knoll you know we

dr lynn and i have visited dallas a few

times and i like how that site just has

a big

ugly yellow like like sign

that just says the grassy knoll that

cost maybe 15

and that’s how that city recognizes

a very historic location you think they

decorate it more or say something a

little more significant

you think there would be i think there’s

a plaque and a statue and then there’s a

guy

there every single day passing out

conspiracy pamphlets i i think which is

all of this is very very true

what would help for me is if every year

they put in another grassy knoll for

every year

since this mystery went unsolved that’s

what

what would benefit me i think like

talking to london that’s ridiculous that

the city would be full of grassy knolls

i mean what’s it been

50 some years yeah but the think i mean

from from your accent it sounds like

you’re probably from across the pond

where where there are many

grassy knolls that’s true ireland’s

chalk full of grassy knolls yeah so so

what if

you know we brought a little bit of

ireland brought that irish charm to

this area where jfk was shot yeah and

it’s a really good idea

yeah see and i you know i hate to shoot

my own horn on this but i’ve been

i’ve been campaigning on this for a

while that let’s get more grassy knolls

just throughout dallas let’s replace

some of these streets that are so

dark and gray with a grassy well in some

of these schools some of these museums

some of these like bars and restaurants

yeah

the skyscrapers well and you think like

all these restaurants and stuff have had

to remain

closed or under weird operating hours

because of covid

but if they were just all grassy knolls

you can’t control that

anything that happens on a grassy knoll

is legal basically because it’s not

owned by

anyone yeah yeah legally

it’s natural land i’m just saying that

my grandfather was around

i probably and he seems to uh

hide a lot of different things but what

really

what does your grandpa hide um

his drinking problem and

uh the fact that he had probably killed

jfk

those are the two main things and they

may be related

i would say so i would say that there

was probably a lot of

uh the venn diagram there is pretty kind

of just one big circle

but why are we talking about me doctor i

want to get to know you who what brings

you here

today uh dr jack london a fellow doctor

emailed me

and um uh i decided hell i’ll come on

and talk about whatever they want to

talk about

okay yeah this okay so that doctor

does we dr jack london and i have

communicated quite a bit

um dr lund it’s it’s another dr london

uh has

repeated to me over and over that i

should be psychoanalyzed so

and cameron i didn’t think it would come

today much less during the podcast so i

you know

i i apologize because this is on me to

some extent i didn’t schedule a formal

appointment or anything

once again my fault um but i guess

oh this is fine this is great i think

this is long overdue

yeah so um i guess if we’re all

i i i guess it’s it’s time for me to to

start

sort of sharing my things um yes share

away that’s what i’m here for

okay so i guess i’ll start you know

similar to where camera started because

both of us kind of have grandpa issues

uh so my grandpa um

he’s always denying um

his involvement in any war now

uh i’ve you know i’m always

you know trying to honor our veterans

and everything and i try to honor my

grandpa but he denies having been in any

war

and i can’t prove it yet but i i’m

almost positive he was in a war

maybe too yes well he’s always

vacationing in

areas where a war just started okay yeah

okay

yes this is uh he’s usually there like

the day before a war starts and is there

for maybe three months afterwards on

vacation yeah

and it’s it’s one of those things where

um

you know you don’t want to draw

conclusions necessarily especially about

your own grandpa but it is one of those

things

where just like whenever you see maybe

an ethical or a hipaa violation by a

fellow doctor

you do start to consider maybe it’s time

to

um call attention to what what needs

attention

because accountability is important uh

in medicine so what what are you what

are you getting you’re saying a lot of

words but what what

what’s what’s your issue here you your

grandfather’s too badass for you

i just well like you said i he may be

starting

the wars um now

once again he he won’t even admit that

he’s been to war at all

yeah and so so

and maybe your suspicion is right

because i’m debating now did he fight in

a war or did he just was it more of a

diplomatic

situation where he started the wars i’m

talking about um

you know uh whenever whenever russia

moved territories all those years ago or

just a few years ago in what 2014 uh the

the crimean

area all of that my grandpa was there

when he was hanging out with with like

the archduke franz ferdinand

yeah like the day before i should say

that was my great grandfather but yes

that was right yeah there’s like

pictures of them there’s like selfies of

them

hanging out and stuff which i just

thought that was kind of you know

uh dr dr burns credit here i

i i am afraid that some of this may be

genetic

you know there’s a nature versus nurture

aspect and i was wondering uh-huh

dr burn do you see how distraught i’ll

tell you what i see

i see two guys sitting there with deep

seated grandpa

issues that they haven’t worked out your

grandpas have caused wars

possibly the assassination of jfk you’ve

got to look inside

and see how does it make you feel that

your grandpa’s a

whole history of grandpas are evil men

it just makes me feel like i haven’t

lived up to my potential are you

implying that you might try to start a

war yourself

no i don’t that’s the thing is like i

have no i don’t have the

i don’t know the gumption the the the

desire to put in the effort to pull off

like a

huge assassination it’s just i’d rather

i just rather watch

tv you know what i mean like i’m lazy

and that that kind of bums me out you

know it makes me feel bad

well cameron you’ve got to think you’re

mixing up

what you see as laziness with being a

morally responsible citizen

that’s good you don’t want to want to

start wars well

what okay i feel like enough of

maybe it’s just my family history but

like to some extent i’m kind of

cameron karen has a very odd approach to

these things where he will

intentionally try to bumble into

starting conflict

uh so he won’t i don’t think cameron

would assassinate anyone but

would he you’re saying when i go on

bumble and match with

people and then start yelling at them

and you’ve

that’s just funny that’s just fun yeah

well it’s just

start accusing them of things you know

it starts out small is i’m sorry

dr byrne this is your profession more

than mine but in my opinion

you know he starts small with dating

apps when you escalate the conflict

further

then could that it could lead to a

an assassination yeah or welcome you’ve

got to ask yourself

why why are you bumbling and then

yelling at the people what

relationship from your past are you

recreating oh man

what relationship in my past am i

recreating i don’t know

unless we get the help we need we

recreate the same relationships over and

over

yeah that was freud said that that’s

right so

i i don’t know i would say maybe like my

relationship with my

dog or my relationship with my

pool like i have a i have a contentious

relationship with my pool

how so can well the skimmer keeps

getting a bunch of leaves in it

and again i i want to reiterate how lazy

i am so i don’t like

cleaning that out super frequently and

you’re supposed to do it like all the

time

and i feel like the pulpits are no

effort to just take care of that stuff

on its own

well you gotta ask yourself cameron what

relationship are you recreating with

your pool

what significant figure in your life was

messy that you couldn’t clean up because

of your laziness wow okay this is big

yeah this is huge okay i guess my

relationship with

dr london exactly

he i mean it’s true i’m constantly

trying to fix him

and fix just whatever the hell is going

on over there

and i don’t like swimming in his pool

and yeah most it’s mostly pool related

it’s mostly

dragging him in the pool and then sort

of trying to teach him how to swim that

way

people say like the best way to teach

someone how to swim is just throw them

in the pool

i keep doing that dr london keeps saying

i know how to swim

but it doesn’t fix anything doctor i

don’t i don’t know what i’m doing

anymore you know

you got to ask yourself where does it

come from this urge to repeatedly throw

dr london in the pool

what is it that you’re covering up with

this addictive behavior to tossing dr

london in the pool

yeah teaching me to swim i would think

that’s more of an excuse

since you know that i know how to swim

and like

like at bet like i’m holding electronics

sometimes but aside from that it’s

it’s pretty just annoying so what’s

yeah what is this underlying issue i

guess the

the feeling i’d be having is

anger okay and usually hunger because

sometimes he’ll

he will be eating something and i’ll i

don’t want to

take it from him because that would be

rude but if i make it wet and make it

where he can’t eat it

then that makes me feel good so you

enjoy eating wet food

no no i don’t no one eats it but it’s

just the fact that i’m taking it away

from him

makes me feel really good and that’s

just the foundation of our relationship

i think that’s something really special

i would say maybe you don’t have to be

embarrassed about

the times whenever you have given in and

eaten the wet food

i don’t think that that’s you know you

have it’s not like you do it every time

but

you know whenever well yeah if it’s like

a cookie or something that you would

like dip in milk yeah who cares if it’s

if it’s just soaking wet and it’s just

sort of a pile of mush that i’m scooping

into my

to my mouth like a baby cameron you’re

trying to

revert and mush in your mouth like a

baby

whoa that would explain a lot of my

recent behavior

in terms of i throwing fits in

restaurants i threw my keys at the

waitress the other day

yes you’re reverting and just because i

was cranky

and um

yeah i mean i watched peppa pig for like

13 hours it was just the same episode

that was yesterday you fully reverted

is that good nope you’re not saying if

any of this is good or bad

that’s not my job to morally judge i’m

here to draw out of you the answers you

know are true deep down

okay so i mean i’m comfortable with all

of this

well then i guess you don’t need therapy

yeah i mean

wow i refuse to change i guess i should

have probably stated that up front

dr london though he needs to be fixed

yeah i

i guess i’m glad that we’ve been

focusing on cameras made it easier for

me but

the reason why you’re here is dr jack

london

um you know really impressing it upon

you to

seek me out and uh

i you know i we could just talk about

cameron’s pool thing though like that

sounds easier than

uh i’m confused are you dr jack london

or not

oh oh okay no i’m not dr

jack london i’m doctor londonsmith.com

but you’re friends with dr jack london

but you’re friends with dr jack london

that’s right

yes okay yes and so and i understand how

confusing it is because we are both dr

london to whatever extent yes but um

well that’s something you

might want to think about doctor smith

so having a first name like london think

about the significant weight that

carries with it one of the greatest

cities in the world

that’s true i you know the the british

empire and all that and i’ve

you know then the history of

colonization and that’s

okay i guess maybe this is the point

that we we need to get at so

um a lot of people just

are named normal names for me

i bear the burden of you know the

militaristic con

conquests that uh colonizing

and yeah you’re taking down the sins of

the city of london you feel that one

that’s right jack the ripper

yes pierce morgan yes

yes that’s probably the heaviest of all

the burdens

s club seven i don’t know what that is

who’s the pop band

a british pop band that i think had one

song basically in

1997 oh okay and

dr london i have to imagine you feel

that kind of like

pressure yeah no it’s the shame the

sophomore

slump is just sort of resting on your

shoulders every morning when you get up

maybe it’s one of those things like i

can really you know

uh when i’ve met people named paris you

know whenever i

i read uh you know those uh the

mythology books you know the the paris

character

invading troy whatever these characters

i relate to

but if they don’t have a city in their

name i

i just don’t see them as being on my

level of

in trauma and uh psychological pain

you’re saying like someone named paris

isn’t going to experience the same level

of trauma that you do being named

i’m saying only oh

i’m saying you have no idea no idea what

i go do

[Music]

no and i don’t care to learn no i have

zero

interest in gaining knowledge about you

or anything like that

yeah yeah so it’s it is one of those

things where um

i you know dr burn is there a way

uh with your patience have you had any

patients before who were

named after cities and board wore the

burden you know any any new york

anyone named new york i had a patient

named chicago jackson

whoa okay he wound up in the looney bin

yeah but he was unwilling to work in

therapy to deal with the weight of his

name

okay okay and i got to say just from

this brief

time observing you to cameron and i

don’t think you’re putting in 50 of the

relationship

absolutely not oh you’re totally aware

of that oh yeah there’s no way that i

would put anywhere close to 50

i would say maybe i’d cap out at like

i don’t know i don’t want to say 10

because i think i can give a little bit

more than 10

but i definitely not more than 14. i

would say 13

yeah and taking away percentage if he

can

yeah if we could minimize that that

would be awesome if we could get down to

zero

that would be but also

dr byrne i don’t know anything about you

like i don’t why am i trusting

like changing my entire worldview and my

relationships with people

can i talk to dr jack london he’ll vouch

for me

who are you like who what is you come

from clearly someplace that’s not

here right i’m from ireland okay

oh that’s right because of all the

grassy knolls that you roll around in

that’s right and i’m a board-certified

psychoanalyst

so and the way you keep saying

psychoanalyst i don’t like that i don’t

know if that’s specifically sort of a

british thing but

are you i’m irish don’t call me british

irish thing

are you psycho no

i mean if you’ve talked to me i i seem

perfectly fine don’t i

yes well and yeah uh

i guess i mean again i know nothing

about you you’ve only sort of asked

questions which i

love because i do love being asked

questions well that’s what a

psychoanalyst does yes

he or she asks questions and guides you

to see the truth about yourself

that’s true but it’s just you know

you’re

you’re sort of just avoiding telling us

who you are

by then asking a question we we asked

are you psycho because of the way you

keep saying psychoanalyst and then you

said you don’t think i am do you

well do you well just to clarify here

we didn’t ask that that was cameron

asked the question are you psycho which

i’d

that’s not a question that i usually ask

whenever i’m

getting to know people um yeah i guess i

know that is your

go-to question when you’re getting to

know people like a first date

yeah on your bumble

yes oh yeah i’m definitely yelling are

you psycho at people or

i mean usually i’m not asking i’m

accusing you are

psycho stop stalking me these people

i’ve just started speaking to

so dr byrne could you um yeah just just

to

i guess give comfort to cameron on this

uh to tell us

maybe just some of your hobbies we just

want to humanize you for a second

before uh you know

it just seems like camera’s really

uncomfortable with this yeah just

sell yourself to me and then then i’ll

trust

your the your advice and you know then

change my entire belief system to

whatever you want

okay well which would you want you want

me to list my hobbies or do you want me

to list my credentials

i want to hear hobbies and i want to

hear

the fastest you’ve ever ran my hobbies

football or soccer as you call it right

rugby

sea fishing reading okay

and the fastest i’ve ever run was 100

miles an hour

was that recent no it was in another

life

years and years ago when i was in a

different profession

okay okay so it was

in a different profession but not

another life because for us we’re going

back to our grandpa’s lives

yes that’s what you got to do yeah for

you was it your grandpa’s life that you

ran 100 miles an hour or was it your own

it was my own life i meant it

metaphorically or okay okay i just

wanted to make sure i was living a

different life back yeah i want to hear

more about

i mean you’re talking about an old

profession here i don’t know

very many professions that involve

running beyond

sports well let’s just say

there’s a few criminals off the streets

because of me

[Music]

were you because what that brings to

mind is either

you were an officer of the law or a

vigilante

i was a vigilante of sorts but the kind

of wears a cape and can fly

yeah okay so this oh okay so the skin

thing

is that was honestly a great question i

feel like i nailed that question that

was really good so

so i mean so you’re talking about you

can fl

why would you if you have the capability

to fly why would you pivot

to a medical profession well you got to

go to school that’s what they tell you

i was in school i had to pick a i had to

pick a major i went with psychoanalysis

yeah okay because i do remember reading

um

well especially as i you know bearing

the burden of

london uh being so close in proximity to

ireland i

i keep up with this kind of news so

there were a lot of vigilante reports

um years ago uh so

someone who could run remarkably fast

somebody could fly uh

you i you’re reminding me that’s only

half the story because

there was a shocking amount like the

the rise in vigilantism was corresponded

with the rise and dog nappings as well

and it was like super weird how they all

happened in the exact same location

so the criminals were being taken care

of but there was someone

sort of snatching these dogs and doing

god knows what with them

so does any of this sound familiar dr

barron

i’ll remember the dog scourge of course

i always wondered who did it but some

things will never find out

yeah i mean it sounds like you were

around pretty much every single time

these dog nappings were going on so

surely you s did you not see

anyone familiar that maybe you saw in

multiple locations

because we could get to the bottom of

this that’d be huge

listen i i did witness a few dog

nappings but back then

there was nothing i could do about it

yeah because it’s not really a crime so

you can’t stop it

i don’t know for sure if that person

owns that dog or not the dog can’t tell

me oh this isn’t my owner

yeah that’s what people don’t know like

that guy who

shot lady gaga’s dog walker st you can

steal dogs anytime you want like it’s

completely legal right

because again dogs are owned by nature

that’s a good point

so yeah it’s also well that’s your

position on kidnapping as well

yeah that because humans are also i

would have to disagree with you there

i i know i also disagree but that’s i’m

just saying cameron’s position

is taking anything or anyone

from a given place uh is

is okay because of nature well you’re

just moving matter that’s all you’re

doing is you’re just moving atoms from

one spot to another spot and to

say that that’s a crime to me i

to me that sounds crazy it sounds like

we’re living in idiocracy or something

dr smith i think you might have to face

the fact that the person you’ve decided

to partner your podcast with

is a sociopath also known as a

psychopath

that’s what i’ve psychoanalyzed oh

so so you call yourself a psychoanalyst

because you try to find

psychos that’s right i was sniffing you

out the whole time oh

[Music]

so and all those dr london those times

whenever you said still a vigilante

he’s trying to hunt future super

villains by sniffing out the psychos

yeah whenever you said like you know you

know vigilantes also

have day jobs usually right yeah i guess

so but i

i figured the flying things you could

monetize that really easily so i guess i

didn’t question it that much

yeah just feels like just doing it and

posting it on youtube would earn you an

infinite amount of money forever but

i could be wrong i’m not in it for the

money i’m in it for

seeking the truth yeah in this case

letting a a podcast host know that he’s

uh

his producer is a sociopath yeah and

then i might turn into some sort of

super villain that is pitted against you

it’s very possible but that’s one thing

just because i’m

psycho doesn’t necessarily mean that i’m

evil

like just because yes i am trying to

block out the sun

that i feel like that’s going to be

helpful this summer when everyone’s a

lot cooler

that’s not for evil reasons yeah i gotta

tell you i disagree with you on that

i think people like the sun they’re like

they gotta get their vitamin d you’re

gonna deprive them of their vitamin d

no because you can get vitamin d from

oranges and cuties are so popular right

now

you know what i mean like mandarin

oranges are so cool

that’s a good point so i haven’t thought

about that everything

i think it’s all gonna be fine and just

it’s so hot

when it gets hot you know what i mean so

i just think

you know temperature goes above 75

degrees

sort of a shade thing it’s kind of a big

umbrella

comes out blocks the sun and then it

it’s like dark for six or seven days

after that to just cool things down a

bit

i mean dr smith opens back up it’s like

it’s like a super dome

i mean i think your podcast producer is

some kind of evil genius that needs to

be brought to justice

yeah yeah you know it’s and and to to be

clear i did i don’t have the mechanisms

for this i’m more of a steve jobs idea

guy

and i have not been able to find my

walls

he has he’s done a lot of do the things

he doesn’t have means most of what he he

has a lot of projects

he’s undertaken you know uh for for

regular listeners

listeners podcast he has a lot of these

um projects that go on

a lot of uh a lot of these

these ordeals that he goes through but

um

i i he just doesn’t have the funding

aside from what he siphons from me

uh he doesn’t have the funding to pull

off blotting out the sun

launching blowing up the moon you know

threatening government again i’m a big

picture guy

ideas i i thought of the iphone

before that even came out

like february 2007 i said what if they

what if a phone could be an ipod yeah

you were

there dr dr smith can you confirm this

well i don’t want to okay you don’t want

to enable me

do it enable me [ __ ] all right we let’s

not use that kind of language let’s keep

this

sorry yeah i it’s another way to say

that

uh yeah maybe what’s another thing label

me

bastard well dr smith did you know your

father

i you know with all this focus on my

grandfather i hardly

uh oh yeah no i had a very loving father

all right there you go well

then you’re not the bastard okay yeah so

so cameron doctor remember we talked

about this doctor is the term okay

doctor london

well and you know i i feel like we’re

we’re hitting a really good spot here

maybe it’s time to um

focus on chores a little bit

the second we start to figure out your

messed up

brain you want to pivot to something

else yeah well it’s just

you know like and it’s you know we all

work within our means and i i

think it’s just good for you know clean

house clean mind

dr dr byrne is am i am i the only psycho

person

in this room right now that would be my

belief i believe that

dr smith has some deep rooted problems

with his willingness to work with you

and you’re the psycho it’s a it’s

essentially a

an abusive relationship yeah but you

if it’s sort of two sides if you think

that a psycho would need another psycho

to be friends with i don’t i don’t agree

with you scientifically i know

i think psychos find someone to to latch

on to that will

make a podcast for them to produce so

they don’t have to do it themselves

yeah that is i mean i am producer

cameron but i don’t really

do any of the work it sounds like this

this dj

dylan does everything yes yeah dj that

is true

everything and then dr london does

everything else and you’re just

here i’m not i’m an ideas guy i’m a big

picture guy

was it was the podcaster idea ooh um so

i didn’t have that

big picture idea so you’d but i haven’t

nope no forgetting to the bottom of

yours you do nothing camera you do

nothing for the relationship

and i would i would say whenever he says

he’s an ideas guy he just ha

he doesn’t share them yeah if you don’t

put them into the world what’s the point

oh he just thinks of ideas sometimes yes

well and then sometimes it’s like it’s

mostly just dreams

so i don’t even remember them when i get

up

five minutes later it’s like oh what was

i dreaming about and so that’s most of i

think what i

do to the podcast you’re an ideas guy

when you’re unconscious

yeah well dr smith i think you and dj

dylan need to really take a close look

at your relationship with cameron and

figure out how you want to realign it

yeah i mean most i guess most of what

cameron usually does

is find the guest and it sounds like

you were just you were a referral from

from dr jack london

so even that uh

yeah so even that i okay yeah

i guess it is something to really

re-examine and um

you know cameron maybe you could try to

help right now

we got we got a chore to do right fine i

can do

this can be part of my 13 percent yeah

could you explain the chore wheel

sure so for our listeners who are

unfamiliar

dr london and i because of our laziness

have neglected a very very long to-do

list we haven’t taken out the trash in

months uh we haven’t fed any of the cats

i don’t know what they’re eating but i

have to assume it’s one of the other

cats

and we started a farm but we didn’t

uh our next thing on the list to do was

to buy

you know half of the animals and the

feed and everything so they’re wandering

around

it’s it’s been pretty awful so we to to

knock off some of these chores that we

have to get done we created this huge

chore wheel that we spin every single

week and whatever chore it lands on

we have to do and dr byrne would you

would you be able to join us

and sort of help out a little bit

absolutely hopefully it’s not something

like mop the floors or something like

that

but if it is you kind of have to do it

so well psychoanalysis can apply to

anything okay perfect okay

even mopping okay so actually would you

give the uh the wheel a little bit of a

spin here we go

[Music]

okay oh no not this one

okay no i i knew this would come up and

i was you know at this point now i’m

wishing it was mopping the floor yeah

well the mayor’s been hounding us about

this one for a while

so the mayor uh did call us up a while

ago uh

we’ve you know he he’s he he follows a

podcast and he

tells us like you need to really uh

appeal to children more and you know or

he

i know our basically most of the

children in this town are hoodlums

and little brats and he said that we

need to

maybe put out more material that teaches

them how to be

not so bratty basically and so

that’s he he he brought us in to

write a children’s book yeah

specifically

to teach a valuable lesson yes

and so we got to figure this out we’re

gonna just knock this out really quickly

because otherwise the mayor is gonna be

super pissed and so we need to uh

all right i mean how do we even start

this i have zero idea i’ve never read a

book or written a book

or i don’t know i thought you were the

big idea guys well yeah but my ideas

are they’re just they’re so large that

they couldn’t fit in like a book

you know let’s let’s stick with what

what you know though cameron because

what you know is that your ideas happen

while you’re asleep

so maybe it could be a going to sleep

type book

okay so yeah it’s a book about going to

sleep or

like a book about what happens when you

go to sleep or or what’s the valuable

lesson being taught

i i mean sleep is super healthy for you

okay

in you know in the right doses so

maybe it could be you know this could be

one of those things and i know this is

kind of weird for children’s books but

it could be one of those books that’s

kind of oriented towards

uh children that are going to sleep like

you read them a book before they go to

sleep

okay kind of like a bedtime story yeah

i’m not familiar with the term but um oh

okay yeah

so this is uh so i guess you lost me

what you’re wanting is a book that’s so

boring that’s gonna cause

even a fussy little bratty child to pass

out

as if he took a pill yeah or i mean

maybe not boring just

something that will knock them out you

know how like i said a sleeping uphill

that you take before you go to bed

anyway something like that oh okay so

then maybe the book should just be

about the different kind of like maybe

about like a little kid

who every time he takes a fun sleepy

time pill

he goes on a fun adventure right okay

teaches kids to take you know a benadryl

every single night before they go to bed

right okay um dr byrne are you feeling

this

is this look at what’s happening you’re

working together

wow okay chores are helping you to work

together

i’ve never haven’t seen you two get

along that well in this whole this whole

40-some minutes we’ve been together

yeah yeah maybe this is the way brought

us together is

child ambien that’s right

okay so um yeah i guess

i guess these books don’t have to be so

long because they are for children here

well let’s title it first yeah it’s a

title um

uh how about like i take the same pills

as mommy and daddy

okay yeah and once again i don’t

you know i don’t see or interact with

children that often anymore so so it’s

i’m gonna go a little bit on your

expertise uh you know so medically i

can’t speak to this so much but

sure yeah okay so from my experience

kids and ambien are a great combination

and it helps them sleep and they sleep

for like like 36 hours every time

okay you do know that i am sworn to turn

if any

anyone confesses a crime to me i’m sworn

to turn them in

yeah sleepy children is not a crime i

know for a fact that children being

sleepy is not a crime

you should not throw these kids in jail

just because they’re so sleepy

you think the children would be

imprisoned yeah there’s no reason to

arrest these kids just because

they’re sleeping for like 36 hours at a

time

dr byrne i just want to make sure on

that like do you

are you agreeing with him on that point

or absolutely not no okay i’m saying

that cameron

insinuated he was going to give pills to

children and i’m saying

that because of my hippocratic oath that

i believe you dr smith must also have

taken

yes yes if i find out someone’s to be

harmed i’ve got to turn them in that’s

no that’s right and

you know thank you for holding me to it

dr byrd uh we’re not passing out

ambien to these kids we’re just in the

book the character is taking

one of his mommy’s ambience i think this

is a bad lesson to teach

children okay and it doesn’t help that

we

this podcast is heavily marketed towards

six-year-old

children i just wanted to i just wanted

to say i spent some time in liverpool

too that’s that’s why my accent is

flying between ireland and a beetle i

okay yeah i am now that you’ve mentioned

it specifically i am

hearing it but yes yes that all that all

tracks

okay so um okay so the book starts out

uh tommy boy is

um wondering what to do for the night

okay tommy boy is is thinking and this

is

you know a reference to the movie this

is the younger version of tommy boy

uh the chris farley type so uh tommy boy

is looking around what

should i do for bed and he sees

do you think it’s appropriate to have a

chris farley type who is also

maybe taking pills that’s good i’m glad

we have so much accountability on this

podcast that’s something that we’ve been

missing

i don’t mind it i’m just asking if that

was a good idea

i’m gonna have to go with cameron on

this one i i i think both of your guys

ideas for the book are very dangerously

close to having

causing children to hurt themselves

that’s definitely not true

i’m just more like i don’t want to upset

the

farley estate okay yeah that’s

um and i guess for whatever reason tommy

boy’s the first

boy name that popped into my head but

maybe let’s go for something more

cruz what tommy cruz maybe

okay tommy cruz yeah okay

uh oz i was gonna say let’s just go

gender neutral considering the age we’re

in

with the less you know

yes let’s set gene so gene

is there and gene

wants to go to bed and

that’s because that’s what everybody

wants well i was going to say

i mean kids typically

don’t want to go to bed oh right no i

didn’t

real i just remembered like i know how

much i want to go to sleep sometimes so

i assume okay so they don’t want to okay

okay i think

i mean i thought that was the point of

this book was to encourage kids yeah i

want to go to bed to go to bed no okay

okay

so and so maybe it’s like a fuzzy kid

who doesn’t want to go to bed

but then maybe like some sort of a

creature or like a demon or something

speaks to him

a demon what are you talking about

you’re gonna scare the hell out of these

kids

i’m just trying to imagine like when i

was a kid what would i want

to appear before me to convince me to

take a pill

to enter some sort of a magical land and

the first thing that pop yeah like a

demony sort of creature maybe like a

hooved

guy you’re describing the devil cameron

no i don’t think the big guy himself

is gonna like be that invested in just a

random kid

you refer to the devil as the big guy

he yeah uh you know sometimes

you sound like your personal friends

with him no

again i feel like too important too busy

there’s no way

so gene gene is

uh be gene is being told by his parents

who we’re gonna put maybe we’ll go in a

different direction

his parents have halo sorry not his uh

gene the human child

their parents have halos around them

okay and they are saying

maybe it’s time for bed and then

gene says okay does this sound good

that’s it i mean now that i’m realizing

we have to walk this kind of tightrope

we can’t

encourage them to take pills because

that might be morally bad

um or ethically at least well then why

how about the book just spends a lot of

time on like different locations where

pills might be found and then just

leaves it at that okay then they can

choose to do it or

not to do it that’s up to them okay so

jean looks up

at the cabinet with the medicine cabinet

and then it says it’s usually in one of

the side ones

and then maybe like there’s sort of

instructions on like how you’re supposed

to press

down on the lid and turn like you can’t

just turn it because that’s

the child proof lock i i’m gonna have to

jump in again you’re more or less still

encouraging children to take pills

i think we’re just teaching life less

well no this is this is one of those

things where like i’m really

appreciating having another physician

in the the talks here because normally

it’s just

my guy and maybe i’ve kind of dropped a

little bit of my professionalism over

time

because these suggestions do come often

so

dr byrne thank you we’ll we’ll

incorporate this idea of maybe not

telling them how to open the pill

bottles

okay so jean so let’s

the the leaving it blank might be okay

so gene looks up at the medicine cabinet

considers and we can write considers dot

dot dot

and then looks at bed

and maybe next to bed is glass of milk

okay i mean do we do you want to be on

that side of history

you don’t think things are sort of like

gearing more towards veganism as time

goes on

okay so i so my attempt was to find

something that wasn’t

so controversial as a method to help a

child sleep yeah we’re talking about the

dairy industry yeah

okay so so for you you don’t draw the

line at

ambient for a child for you it’s the

cheese milk yeah yeah okay um

yeah okay so but the kid just goes to

bed

so this is a two-page book yeah the

first page is the kid doesn’t want to go

to bed

on the second page he’s looking at a

cabinet and then he looks at the bed

so i guess three pages in the third page

as he goes to bed

done that was this i think this is going

to transform our community

this is a great book thank you dr brandt

and with your endorsement

would you be willing to be yeah like put

your

i’ll write the forward or the what’s it

called the epigraph or whatever

oh yes yes thank you yeah no the four

would be great and you want to do

you know give us a good three pages of

forward then we’ll have three

two or three pages of book and that’ll

be that’ll be great

got yourself a full book there yeah all

right well um

wow i well first let’s we have to um so

the chore wheel is

yeah the drawer wheel is built with a

certain number of chores

and we have new chores thrown in every

week so we do have to destroy

this one um so this would dr burn would

you do the honors there’s a there’s an

axe in the corner there and if you could

just

try to chop it the um the chore wheel

just chop it down

just chop it up beat the hell out of it

let me grab the axe

and chop away oh wow he’s so fast

he’s so fast see

again i feel like you’re way under

utilizing the actual super powers that

you have

well boys i’ve got to be going i see

you’ve got an open window over there

with no screen

okay well uh you know but before we you

go would you like to um

you know share with any of our listeners

how to keep up with you

or maybe you know someone with something

that uh they’d like to keep up with

i’ve really been enjoying this podcast

bald talk

hosted by brian husky and charlie

sanders you can find it

on instagram at bald talk pod

okay yeah yeah i’ve heard some of that

that’s uh it’s a lot of fun a lot of

funny guests as well yeah had many great

guests on

thank you for for coming on the podcast

uh dr charrel

and uh thank you and for

you know for all the lives you saved as

a vigilante for all the criminals you

put away

that’s no problem i do it i do it for

the good of humanity and yeah

maybe just well if you’re if you’re

around town maybe just keep an eye out

for those missing dogs because i

just just keep an i know nothing about

that but sure yes i’ll keep my eyes open

okay great um that was a strong denial

okay so um and thank you to uh our

producer cameron

uh thank you too digital in the hose

[Music]

dr smith i think you might have to face

the fact that the person you’ve decided

to partner your podcast

it’s a sociopath also known as a

psychopath

a cycle it’s essentially

an abusive relationship

it sounds like this this DJ IN DA HOUSE

everything

yes yes

look at what’s happening together

my name is Dr. London Smith (.com) and this has

been the Jock Doc Podcast

see ya

96. Hemochromatosis/Tallulah Bellamy (feat. Georgia Smith)

hey kids you’re about to listen to

comedy podcasts that means that none of

this is medical advice if you need

medical advice or medical care please

contact your doctor

welcome to the jock doc podcast

featuring

dr london smith he’s

highly underrated yes medically educated

yes

and fully vaccinated yes

so give it up for your host dr

london smith

hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast where we discuss fitness and

health

and how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring

i’m your host dr londonsmith.com

i’d like to begin by apologizing to our

listeners

we received some feedback about the

excessive amount of technical medical

terms that i’ve been using

such as hypoxanthine guanine

phosphoribasil

transferase and hind lick maneuver

so i will try to temper my terminology

to a simpler one in the future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron oh dr

london i don’t i don’t feel like doing

this today i’ve i’ve had a rough day

okay is it rough rough like a dog

barking

was it the dog again it’s really funny

you mentioned that i

i i it is the dog again but it’s not

it’s not

barking it’s my dog ran away all of my

dogs ran away

your your whole collection all 101.

wow okay so um and it’s just kind of

really

bumming me out dr london these are

supposed to be sort of like

my family you know yeah yeah i mean just

like my real family like my real

brothers and sisters and mom and dad

they just

run away

all your all your brothers and sisters

ran away oh anytime i try to come near

they run away okay i guess anytime it’s

like christmas time and i try to go to

one of their houses

i get there and you can they act like no

one’s there

and i’m knocking on the door but you can

see through the window dr london that’s

one thing that people forget is that you

can see

through the window and they’re just

running away they’re scurrying out the

back door

see at this point i feel like maybe your

definition of

you know a family and brothers and

sisters

might not be the same as everyone else’s

definition

my family being 101 dogs plus the people

i was

you know born beside yeah

well because how you track down everyone

who was yeah at

the hospital born at this around the

same time period as you

yeah my brothers and sisters and my mom

and dad my

the nurse and doctor yeah yes that’s the

opposite of what you’re thinking dr

london because boys can be nurses too

okay no that’s that’s not what i was

contesting here

it was it’s more so

whenever you got the 101 dalmatians you

you did refer to them as a coat

of dalmatians the dogs sure yeah

and is that like i know you know a group

of crows is called a murder

and i don’t hang out with a lot of dogs

is that what the term for a group of

dogs is a coat

no i think a group of dogs is usually

called either a pack

or sort of like maybe a club

okay well you know the reason i ask is

because

you referred to this group of dogs as a

coach

oh no that is because it requires 101 of

these dogs that i’m gonna have to skin

in order to make the jacket that i want

to make okay

is that yeah that sounds kind of cruel

is

i guess my my issue with that it sounds

like

yeah her name is cruella deville so i

mean

who’s who’s her who’s cruella

i thought this was for you no the code

is for me

okay what are you asking well you said

you think i need more dogs well i said

so i was actually thinking that exact

same thing because

101 of them have run away and so i’m

thinking if i could

get maybe i’m going to say 202

more that way i have a backup group

or a coat so i’m sorry to bring this

back because it sounds like maybe

there’s another person involved

i said that it sounds cruel to skin

these dogs and then you said her name is

cruella

and i’m just wondering is there are you

are you having

are you planning to have this jacket

made to impress someone named cruella

it’s not to impress someone it’s to

emulate someone a hero of mine

emma stone as cruella deville

okay okay so you just you saw the

preview for that movie and you got

excited

so you knew what cruella deville was

five seconds ago and yet you were still

questioning it

i i assumed that you were talking about

a different cruella because i

you know you don’t have a you don’t

personally know emma stone

except like through the hospital where

you were both born

yeah at the exact same time

yeah which is i mean i i guess yeah i

know that you think that emma stone is

your sister

but i just you know never mind i guess i

guess i am at fault here maybe i

am confusing it more than i should have

the blood of these dogs is on your hands

dr london oh that’s that’s the final two

okay um well anyway uh so that’s our

producer cameron also with us is DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

[Music]

boys can be nurses too boys can be boys

can be

too

[Music]

boys can be nurses too boys can be

boys can be too

[Music]

emma stone can be nurses too

emma stone can be named cruella too

[Music]

emma stone as cruella deville emma stone

as cruella deville boys can be nurses

too

[Music]

boys can be nurses too boys can be

boys

boys can be nurses too boys can be

boys can be

[Music]

and later cameron tells it we can expect

a very special guest

puppy leather people don’t know this but

it’s actually a lot more

economical and green

than normal leather okay you were afraid

of these as dogs but you’re saying that

it’s it’s gonna be puppies like

you know baby dogs sure is that

what are you asking i’m asking why

you’re not

you think that i should switch from

puppies to dogs because there’s more

space i would need less dogs

yes that that’s one reason

hurting baby versions of any

creature sounds more cruel to me but i

get once again i guess this is

a this is you trying to take after your

sister and maybe

cruelty is the aim of it it seems like

i hate this i hate all of this

okay but i have to sort of do

my what my family is doing

and it’s asking of me you have you have

a legacy to maintain

yes yeah okay well um

you know uh before we move on i would

like to address a bit of listener

feedback

oh no look we

you know our listeners they they chime

in

they they let us know what we’re doing

right what we’re doing wrong and i just

wanna

i uh i hate them

okay well you know and it’s just

accountability really you know we have

to do this

uh because you know they they might call

me out say that i taught something wrong

and i

you know if i have to correct anything i

want to be able to do that

so i was at the mall the other day

and i had a listener come up to me out

of nowhere which

by the way listeners how about leave me

alone and leave me to my privacy

i know that dr london and i are sort of

podcast celebrities and that makes you

think

you know you hear us talk for hours and

hours and so you think we’re friends

but i had this listener come up the

other day at the mall and she was like

stop putting those on you’re not

supposed to wear those you’re not

supposed to like

change clothes in the middle of the

store you’re not supposed to just like

put on the clothes and then try to run

out

yeah and i was like oh leave me alone

yeah that is frustrating and i’ve had

similar experiences

uh just stop touching every item of

clothing your hands are covered in paint

like it’s like okay just because you

hear me on a podcast doesn’t mean that

you can come up to me out of nowhere

and start yelling at me i don’t know

yeah i just hate these guys no i i hear

you and you know it’s one of these

things where

nothing can prepare you for this level

of celebrity i get it

yeah uh so and you know speaking of

which i i found this

note from a listener scrawled across my

my neighbor’s play room which they

referred to as a dungeon

uh i’ve never heard of a fun swing in a

dungeon but

you know i guess you know my neighbors

are just quirky um anyway this

this the note that was scrawled um on

the wall

it reads quote i don’t want life support

i wanted to be cremated

and the ashes spread over disney haunted

mansion ride

end quote so uh first of all thank you

so much this listener for reaching out

um you know with this this feedback so

uh i’m not i’m not sure that we ever

talked

a whole lot about being put on life

support

or i i don’t think we talked too much

about life and death situations like

that but

it is you know everyone

is allowed to have their wishes whenever

they pass away for you know being

cremated or buried or whatever and

um yeah you know what to this listener i

think it’s great that you want

to be sort of putting your

deceased remains over a disney haunted

mansion ride that’s

you know that does go with the theme and

like just to reiterate this you know

this podcast we don’t really talk about

things like life and death

this podcast isn’t serious dr

london like i know we do this fun bit

where dr london does this medical lesson

and he

he teaches about like what the bone is

like and how the bone bends

and you know your arm bone bends this

way and your knee bone bends this way

and all these sort of things but like

the reality is

that the show is more of a goof it’s

more of like

um hmm what was that ash and cut your

prank show

uh was that punked yes the show was like

punk’d

okay so i you know it’s a medical

education podcast so

for the medical lesson i try to

i mean i try to bring some levity to it

sometimes but mostly i’m

you know this is real this is real

medical yeah

and i guess if that was part of the

prank like you’re

like like you’re levitating like you’re

pretending like there’s some sort of

supernatural

event happening i don’t remember that

having it on punk’d

but that definitely happened on the

tracy morgan

prank show where things were scary

remember that one

no i didn’t i didn’t see that one but

it’s that they had people flying

levitating yeah it was just like uh

it was like uh a punk’d type show but

there was a supernatural element so it

involved

ghosts and all sort of things so you

could you could reasonably

include someone levitating is that what

you’re saying

i i was mostly you know asking but um

no great i i can imagine why it maybe

wasn’t such a success where you know i

haven’t heard of it

um yeah i think it was on like sci-fi

or something like that so that that

would also explain that

okay yeah well you know what uh

if it’s all right we’ll just go ahead

and you know speaking of the medical

topic

uh nafta today’s medical topic

hemochromatosis

hemochromatosis is an autosomal

recessive disease of iron absorption no

it’s not

okay no it actually it is so it’s

well again i mean this show is a like

it’s a goof so like i know for the

bit it is but i think it’s probably

important to remember because it seems

like our listeners are getting confused

and thinking the show is supposed to be

taken

seriously so i think it’s important to

remember like sort of as a disclaimer

like no it’s not

okay i i mean i think it’s pretty pretty

important to note

some of these so so in hemochromatosis

for example there’s excessive iron

absorption in the uh in the intestine

that leads to increased accumulation of

iron uh in the forms of

ferritin and hemocytorin in various

organs over many years fibrosis involved

organs occur secondary to hydroxyl free

radicals that are generated by the

excess iron

the primary affected organ yeah but like

no it’s not

like it is as a joke which and it’s

really funny that’s the thing is like

week after week

this is what our listeners come back for

are these kind of jokes like

you know a normal comic has their

their five minutes that they’re trying

to write whereas you have

like 10 minutes every single week of

just joke after

joke this thing causes diabetes

this thing is not good for you this

thing means you have cancer

and like it kills dr london yeah but

like i do think sometimes it’s important

to remind people

it’s all fake it’s a joke

yeah so um you know it is it is one of

those things where

some of it is like i said i bring a

little bit of

levity to some of it but uh you know

it’s funny that you should mention the

diabetes because

because um you know the primary affected

organ is the liver

in hemochromatosis but it can also

affect the pancreas heart

joint skin hypothalamus okay well i

you know uh i get i guess if you

consider this a bit

do you want to let’s workshop it a

little bit

so scare tactics so early diagnosis and

treatment

that was the tracy morgan hosted prank

show

where he used like horror elements

yeah and it was on sci-fi and before

tracy morgan it was hosted by steven

baldwin

wow okay is that is that what you’re

asking

no no i i don’t think i asked anything

at this point

yeah haley’s dad okay

so hemochromatosis is an inherited

disease so you should screen the

patient’s siblings

once the the patient is diagnosed early

diagnosis and treatment

before that does remind me i love that

bieber song

where he’s like shout out to your mom

and dad for making you

hoo-hoo because i think that’s the first

pop song to thank stephen baldwin for

having sex

i’m not are you sure that it’s the first

i see i think so

like at least other ones don’t do it as

explicit

explicitly as saying hey haley baldwin

i want to thank your parents for

for creating you via sex

that it yeah you know i there aren’t

enough songs that

go out of their way to thank people for

well

thanks steven baldwin yeah specifically

stephen baldwin um

so and i’m sorry to go back to this but

in hemochromatosis

early diagnosis and treatment before

development of complications such as

cirrhosis heart disease and diabetes

improves survival

clinically most patients are

asymptomatic at first

findings may include signs of liver

disease fatigue arthritis

impotence or amenorrhea abdominal pain

and cardiac arrhythmias

complications include cirrhosis of the

liver cardiomyopathy diabetes mellitus

due to iron deposition of pancreas

they can have arthritis they can have

hypogonadas hypogonadism leading to

impotence

amenorrhea loss of libido hypothyroidism

and hyperpigmentation of skin

resembling a bronze-like suntan so

and again no it’s not so hemochromatosis

is actually sometimes referred to as

bronze diabetes

because the skin color and also because

of its effect on the pancreas causing

type 2 diabetes mellitus

so it’s uh i don’t know if you see

someone with that skin color

and diabetes then you start to think

maybe it could be

the buildup of iron in the blood

so uh early in the disease course mild

elevations of liver function tests such

as alt and ast may be the only

abnormalities

if you suspect hemochromatosis you

obtain iron studies

if the iron level is elevated with

elevated transferatin saturation and

decreased total iron binding

capacity order a liver biopsy to confirm

the diagnosis

you’ll want to check for hepatic iron

concentration and you also do genetic

testing for chromosomal

abnormalities treatment is odd for

hemochromatosis because this is one of

the few areas of modern medicine

in which a form of bloodletting may be

used

and that’s you know which we this is i

will say this is the one part of the

show that is

extremely serious which is our

discussion of bloodletting

which we have talked about quite a bit i

feel like we haven’t covered it

so much i

i’ve definitely brought it up like five

or six yeah you

you have brought it up i don’t doubt

that it’s just

because i do want to say just because

this whole show is a joke and everything

you’re saying

is a bit i do want to tell our listeners

bloodletting is a very important

medical procedure and you should do it

as frequently as possible

to get the toxins out so that’s that’s

where we have to

you know like i need to stop you there

for a second because it’s

um you know we don’t do it with leeches

anymore

like back in the olden days uh the

modern term

is actually phlebotomy so you know how

if you go to

get your blood taken to test that’s

phlebotomy

uh so but so in hemochromatosis the body

essentially cannot get rid of the excess

iron except

by losing it through the blood for this

reason repeated phlebotomies are the

treatment of choice

and it improves survival dramatically if

initiated early in the disease course

of course in advanced cases liver

transplantation may be considered

and yeah all of that stuff is a joke

that’s a bit

but the stuff about like cutting your

hand and just sort of letting it drip

out

that’s real and you should do that i

think probably once a month

yes maybe maybe our our opinions are

gonna differ

on that on that front but we can move on

from there

if that’s if that’s all right yeah if

you think that’s funnier for the bit to

just move on

yeah that’s great okay yeah we’ll we’ll

do that

all right cameron you said that we have

a guest today is that right

yeah i mean it’s like a joke

okay so you so this whole thing except

for bloodletting

is just a joke to you then yeah and i

really really want to stress

bloodletting is so effective it’s fun

and it’s it works for a broad

series of reasons like it’s not just

oh i’m sick let’s try releasing some

blood from my body it can be oh i’m

bored

oh i’m hungry like there’s so many

different things

yeah okay um and i know what you’re

asking

once i’m not really asking yeah uh

hell hello there to our guest my name is

dr londonsmith.com

this is our producer cameron what was

your name uh i’m talula bellamy and

honestly i can’t believe that uh you

think that my presence is a joke

to you um i’m tempted to leave already

to be honest

oh okay uh sorry sorry um no

i i did not i did not mean that you are

a joke

or you your you being our guest is a

joke

i just meant that everything dr london

says everything he’s ever said

everything about his life is a huge

joke right okay i can relate to that

that’s fine

okay i know some people like that maybe

i’ll stay

and again you don’t have to because this

is all a joke none of this is serious

and dr london is a fraud oh okay

uh yeah i’ve met some doctors like that

in my time yeah that makes sense

so this you know i feel like we’re

starting out on maybe a bad

tone um uh

so uh miss miss bellamy can i call you

miss bellamy oh yes that’s fine

okay uh so miss bellamy what brings you

to the the podcast today

uh well i was wondering about uh the new

film

cruella honestly i heard that there’s

some people trying to uh

re remake it before before emma stone

does but uh

lots of dogs are being stolen lots of

dogs going missing um i was just

wondering if you had any opinions on

that

opinions i i feel like i might have some

well i don’t want to say some

information on it so you have

information on where the dogs are

the ones that maybe that escaped no i

don’t

think that i have a lot of information i

was gonna say that cameron might have

information

yeah i know um no i don’t have

information because i don’t know where

the hell they are yeah i guess

you talk about getting more dogs

acquiring more

was uh i think but so are you stealing

the dogs or

who’s who is doing dog stealing here we

need we need to put a stop to that

so cameron was doing the dog stealing

before

well there’s no stealing going on

the dogs you know it’s sort of like a um

like an earbud situation which we

weirdly have talked about

on this show recently but you know when

he

was uh the kid and then there was the

clown and they were both

trying to get airbud to come to them and

that determined who airbud wanted to

live with

i just do that with a bunch of dogs

i just find neighbors dogs and i just

leave like stray cats yeah they always

come to

me because of the treats and you know

meat and

things that i bring he’s holding out a

steak

yeah and their owners aren’t home yeah

so there’s not even really

another option but they choose to go

with me so it’s not i mean to call it

stealing i don’t know that rubs me the

wrong way

oh well i do apologize

and i i thank you okay

um so these steaks are they covered in

your let blood or are they just in

normal steaks

you’re asking if i do bloodletting on

the dogs and the answer is yes

sometimes you can tell not on the dogs

on the stakes

sometimes you can tell that the dogs are

you know tired or

um maybe too excited or maybe too

sick and that’s when you

bring the blood out and dr london isn’t

that right

out of the dogs or out of yourself or

both okay so do they eat your blood and

they replace the blood they’re losing

with your blood or how does how does

that work

i’m just interesting you see because i

have i have a dog myself i don’t really

worry about

like they eat whatever they want to eat

like i don’t you know i don’t

tell them what they’re supposed to eat

or give them what they’re supposed to

eat or anything like that

is that that’s not entirely true because

you’re you did say that you wanted them

to have a taste for

human blood like

you you called it mutually beneficial to

to you know bleed on them let them taste

human blood

and then you and for yourself you think

that bloodletting is a good practice so

both of those you you thought were like

really good to do

well also and also for for like search

and rescue

like if they’re finding a missing person

they have a

they have a smell suddenly for what a

human smells like

well for what a human blood smells like

yeah well a lot of missing people are

dead so that would make sense that maybe

maybe they’ll find them or a lot of

missing people might be

sort of sick or they’re not feeling well

and so they’re practicing they’re

listening to this podcast

and they’re finally practicing

bloodletting as well and now they’re

feeling better

and the dogs can find them but they can

come back can dogs sniff out other dogs

so all these missing dogs can the

remaining dogs find the missing dogs is

that is that how that works as well

not my dogs i they’re not doing a whole

lot

these days i would be really surprised

if they had the energy

to to sniff out another dog

okay yeah they when you said they they

ran away

they were like like crawling is

i think the word for it right oh you

hobbled

i think maybe is the medical term

hobbled

hobbled away for help screaming in agony

absolutely distraught

just how a dog should be yeah well and

the only reason cameron couldn’t catch

them is because

he was weakened himself from all the

bloodletting so he

oh yeah you know he watched them and

like kind of tried to call for help or

call them back but

um you know obviously i couldn’t muster

the strength for that

so so as opposed to today’s topic

which is too much iron do you think they

were all lacking in iron are they all

anemic now is that is that what the

um the diagnosis is ah

yeah uh yeah they certainly would become

anemic from the blood loss i

they’d they’d be losing so much blood

that uh they’d be

in need of iron they’d be in need of a

lot of nutrients uh whenever you lose

that much blood

which cameron did you he always referred

to it as

a good steady stream that they had to

have

uh and if they didn’t then he would

be like okay fine i’ll fix it i’ll fix

it uh

well it’s like it’s like when um you

don’t want your

your pipes to freeze and you leave a

faucet dripping they used to say oh you

just keep it dripping but now they say

to keep like an actual stream

uh yes to prevent to prevent pipes

freezing like to just keep

like an actual consistent water stream

going just a little bit

so if you let blood flow consistently

that helps your heart work because it

means it

knows that it has to be working because

it has to keep pushing out this stream

not just a drip

yeah and it’ll never freeze never freeze

that’s that’s incredible

yeah see although i i would go ahead and

say you know

i i can’t endorse these the physiology

or the

you know the medical aspects of what’s

being said here this this part

and why do you have to say that

uh you know people really trust me as a

physician

they you know that if i

if i endorse whatever you say cameron

then it could

um influence some people’s practices

these things though that you feel like

you have to say

are they really about other people

or dr london are they really about you

well yeah to some extent it’s to

preserve my own reputation

i to say okay it is also about me and

that

i you know i was pretty emphatic i won’t

take part in the bloodletting

that’s that’s not my thing uh i don’t

think that it’s a good practice but not

even a sterile

ceremonial bloodletting like for the for

the goats and the

and the gods in the volcanoes not even

one of those

um yeah not even for the harvest dr

london

and so so i know people have been really

getting onto me about you know

i say that i’m woke but i haven’t been

very culturally sensitive to these

groups

that you know i i won’t even go out for

one little ceremony in the night

that i won’t go into the woods and i

won’t cut my hand or my arms or whatever

yeah it’s not dr london it sounds like

you’re not spilling

any blood for the grain harvest is that

why it’s a bad harvest

how are we supposed to survive yeah and

so you’re a doctor

you should know better you’re a doctor

just as a as just as a bit

like i know it’s a joke that you’re a

doctor but like

commit man yeah so i just

um like i said so i’ve gotten so much

criticism over this that i won’t

uh you know cut myself and i won’t cut

open an

animal for for the ritual sacrifices i

i’ve gotten

uh people people have been all over

twitter and everything saying like you

you get you best get to cutting boy and

all that and it’s um

like i i’m i’m it’s one of those things

where like i’m trying to understand

and i i think it’s just going to take

some time for me to bridge some of these

cultural gaps

and i’ll admit that you know to some

extent all of that is on me

you know that’s me being close-minded uh

yeah i hope these farmers who have a

weak harvest i hope they appreciate that

it’s gonna take you some time to figure

your stuff out

yes i’m sure they love that yeah

it’s just one of these things where i

can’t you know

uh it’s a level of understanding that

you can’t really force

but um in any case uh

i’m sorry we’ve been going on like this

miss bellamy what

are did you say that you’re you’re an

investigator

for these dogs is that yes yes and just

just uh on the side note may you be

cursed with a gluten-free bread for the

rest of your life if you’re not helping

with the harvest

gluten-free bread gluten-free pasta

you’re not allowed to benefit from the

harvest until

until you partake in the ritual okay

well you know there are a growing number

of gluten-free options out there so i’m

not

they’re all bad i’ve tried all of them

they’re all bad

yeah they’re terrible okay i’m

okay i’m sorry i’m sorry to hear that

but um you know

miss bellamy i just since you’re a guest

on the show i do want to figure out like

so you’re are you a private investigator

are you like a detective with a

the you know are you an officer of the

law

what what’s your capacity in these i’m

i’m above the above the law

definitely above the law um i wouldn’t

wouldn’t wouldn’t say

officer of the law that uh that would be

diminishing my post

um i would go somewhere around

[Music]

private investigators probably the most

accurate yeah we’ll go with that one

you’re not the vigilante no no no

okay because we have i mean there have

been reports of a vigilante

um that you know maybe

has been displeased with some of the the

actions regarding

both dogs and ritual sacrifices in the

area and

i just want to make sure you know clear

the air you weren’t that

that that i do know that person um

i i do agree with them um my

ethics would say yes they’re right um

there are some things that need clearing

up in this world and apparently uh

people that don’t believe in the harvest

sacrifices are one of them at the moment

uh it’s rife

apparently especially amongst doctors

who knew you thought they’d know better

okay so okay i just wanted to make sure

on this um

so you are you are in fact since your

private investigator

or that’s the closest thing that to what

you are have you been hired by someone

or is this

and something you’ve undertaken on your

own this

this is a personal vendetta when the

dogs are involved it’s personal okay

so if i s so i i get that that’s

personal

what do you do for a living um outside

of that so it sounds like it’s more of a

hobby for you

yeah i mean do you have or do you make

some sort of an income

looking for dogs what do you normally do

what do i normally do okay so normally

i’ll wake up in the morning i’ll brush

my teeth i’ll make a cup of tea

maybe have some toast not not the

gluten-free type though um

that’s that’s how i’d start my day um

maybe

maybe cast a few spells on the locals um

that’s

that’s pretty much what i do to see

who’s see who’s being

see who’s being bad see who’s being good

other than that

no i don’t really have a need for a job

and does that bring in a source of

income

oh i don’t need a source of income i

don’t know if you heard me i cast spells

yeah no i i’m sorry cameron sees a lot

of these things as normal so so but i

definitely did notice the spell casting

i just didn’t know if like

spell casting covers rent is is sort of

what i’m getting in

or more see i i build my own house um so

i don’t need to

don’t need to pay anyone i i i’m like i

said i’m above i’m above the law i don’t

i don’t owe anyone

anything i do what i do for my own when

you’re saying above the law

you don’t mean like even written law

you’re talking about laws of physics

laws of humanity you’re you’re sort of

on a different way oh yeah was that

was that no no that is on me i apologize

yeah and completely above all laws so it

sounds like

you know and i you know i kind of gave

myself away already but um it sounds

like

you are one of the people groups that

that i’ve been offending with my

closed-minded ways

uh perhaps perhaps a little it might be

why i’m here yes you know these are all

these new cultural trends that i haven’t

kept up with

and this is not a new cultural trend

i can guarantee yeah this is this is one

of the oldest

cultural trends that we’ve ever had all

these cultural trends of course

okay yeah then once again so i’m i sound

so backwards

you think you thought this was a tick

tock thing yeah is it not

what is a tick tock sorry a tick a tick

tock this is

like a clock is this the yeah

so so yeah whenever a clock so yeah

cameron’s referring to whenever

um i’ve been uh

i had a clock that would make the tick

tock sound and then my clock stopped and

so

for me my perception of time has changed

oh yes time time is difficult clocks are

like

huge right now yeah like they’re not

super huge really with millennials but

with gen z they just

love these tick tocks and so i’ve got to

assume they’re just staring at these

clocks and they’re collecting all these

different types of clocks and watches

they must be what else could it possibly

mean

i don’t really get it because that’s not

like my generation

but like i think it’s cool you know okay

okay maybe i’ll maybe i shall uh take a

look at my clock and uh

see if i can understand the trend oh i

mean i don’t know

no i i look at the thing it looks like

just gibberish to me i have no idea

what’s going on but uh

you know apparently yeah it’s uh i’ve

heard the time’s supposed to be

linear and like i know how to use a dial

that’s not hard the little

just sun casts a shadow a certain way

like that’s not hard

but if if you have to just have this

thing that

the tick tocks like all the kids are

doing i don’t know i i get lost

and um uh it’s

like i said i’m i’m kind of a generation

out i feel like i feel like i’m i’m not

keeping up with modern culture

uh and once again it’s it comes back to

i i’m not doing tick tocks i’m not

looking at clocks i’m not going out in

the woods i’m not

um you know it’s uh stabbing anyone

yeah okay okay stop talking okay stop

okay tallulah yes so what what what

so you’re here for a couple different

reasons you’re here

to investigate these dog nappies oh of

course yes who knows

who did those because you’re not talking

about me

because like i said i did not steal any

dogs dogs

dogs came to you that’s absolutely fine

that’s completely different thing yes

yes

so it’s definitely not going to be

related to your dog napping interview

um and you’re also here to what like

protest dr london or or take him down

or less protest more

verbally maim um and just make sure he

knows that

he is uh he is being watched uh

this isn’t this is not the the final

straw he has another chance

um but uh the council have decided that

he should be warned

uh because not everyone is as uh as

understanding as myself

um i’ve been around a long time you see

so i’ve seen people like this and they

do come around eventually um a few

few hexes few curses they usually

understand what uh what is expected of

them i quite like

uh western medicine um having seen the

the birth of it

um penicillin that was that one was that

was quite interesting to watch

um but yes i i agree with western

medicine i just don’t think everything

else should be forgotten uh on top of it

okay and see you know like this is

this is one thing that i don’t know if i

super agree with everyone

always talks about the the greatness of

western medicine but like why are we

trying to base our

medicine around what cowboys used to do

that is true

they’re all gone they died and so it’s

like

this obsession with like western

like cowboys and you know riding horses

and wrestling and

you know rooted tooting am i right

rooting tooting

yeah both rooting and tuning it’s just

like

why are we obsessing over this western

medicine

you know do you want to you know pull in

a little bit i

because that’s that that of course is

western medicine but that’s

wild western medicine and i feel like

that’s a distinction that needs to be

made here

there’s modern western medicine and

there’s wild mustard medicine

and there’s a lot of spillover in each

direction you know like

your your modern western medicine will

of course also have

the uh the 10 gallon hats that that’s

part of the standard doctor’s uniform uh

yeah you’re gonna have some of these

things the horses that you see walking

through the hospitals

that’s part of it but there’s

also things that we’ve done away with

like we don’t we don’t keep as many

open fires as we used to

oh that’s a shame yeah i like an open

fire i do like an open fire i also like

the the spurs on the boots do you still

wear those

uh the boots yes yeah uh this is with

the spurs

they’re good for they’re kicking people

in the ankles that’s one way to bloodlet

with your spurs that’s wonderful

yeah we um i mean the we’ve actually

done

there no one really wears cowboy boots

but everyone wears spurs whether it’s on

you know their

their tennis shoes or their uh trainers

whatever

um they’re gonna be wearing spurs for

sure but

not necessarily and do you use them for

bloodletting

uh i so so normally that’s more like the

nurse’s job

or you know medical assistant

i don’t i don’t use the spurs for me the

spurs are

if i’m being honest they’re a little bit

ornamental or for surgery

okay that’s fair do you use your feet

yes yes use your feet for

uh for very delicate brain surgery your

ankles

or do you take the spurs honestly this

is we’re talking so

specialized now like this it very much

depends on the doctor and the specialty

uh okay to give a definitive i can’t

really give a definitive answer because

it’s

it varies so widely depending on which

hospital or clinic you’re at just like

the

you know or like how much free how much

time you have

because i’m sure if you’re trying to

like get the surgery done quicker

because you’ve got

concert tickets or whatever you’re

probably going to be using different

tools

yeah if i’m just like what do i have on

me

then sure i might just reach for my shoe

uh

but that but of course you know if you

can take your time

you know it’s like the difference

between using uh you know

giving sutures versus stapling it’s it’s

a matter of

time and demand and what you have on you

so

yeah it’s really you know cameron you’re

so down on me teaching

real medicine here a lot of times but

this is the first time you’ve really

seemed interested i think

the whole wild west culture blending

with modern western medicine

um you know it’s really bringing things

together it’s very westworld

yes yeah the world of the west

it’s very westworld and also

again now that we are sort of

breaking the fourth wall and

acknowledging that everything you say is

a joke

and you’re not a real doctor and you’re

not serious ever

like i think that’s given me a lot of

freedom

so now i can sort of pretend to be

interested in medicine because i know

it’s all

fake and it’s all a joke and you

shouldn’t get vaccinated okay

that part i don’t really agree with so

much but um

i have been agreeing with you cameron

but up until now but no absolutely

vaccinations are incredibly important

i’ve seen the rise and fall of them um

i saw the first one happen it was it was

uh

quite the revelation um and i’ve seen

lots happen

um today uh in fact i went and saw saw

some people get vaccinated today it’s

very interesting

um i just like people being stabbed in

the arm i think but uh yes but very very

very very fascinating and if it helps

them live longer so they can be stabbed

some more in the future

go for it absolutely

i am very pro-stabbing

i do want to say and i’m very pro

injecting things into your body

yeah yeah but for you it’s it’s a matter

of um

brand names one it’s not giving into

trends

yeah which um like don’t do it just

because like everyone’s doing it

okay i see what you want to be if if you

if you got a vaccine you’d want to be

the first in line and then

kind of be exclusive in that way i

either want

to get a vaccine before anyone else has

heard of it

or 20 years after yeah yeah

i guess i guess that’s a methodology i

you know um this is all this is all

critical and important but

uh i feel like we’re coming to that

point where

we gotta focus on some chores today

you don’t have magic to do them for you

where where you are you you you have to

actually physically do the chores

yourself

yeah where yeah well it definitely

depends on the chore

and the location you’re right i have to

imagine that

i mean our so our chore wheel has like

200

000 entries okay so just just a small

amount then

i have to assume a few of these could be

done with magic for sure oh everything

can be if you know what you’re doing

i i mean you can you can look at the

list on on the chore wheel

one of them is learn to practice magic

oh i can help with that

yes yes yes that’d be good yeah i i

i am so hoping that it lands on that

that would be wonderful because

today would be such a like you’re the

perfect guest for

helping us to do that but um we well we

also have play one-on-one with magic

johnson

yeah which yeah and i guess that would

also be fun with with miss bellamy

so i’m uh it just depends on what it

lands on this is

sort of how we’ve organized our chores

uh right now

you know outside the the lawn we’re

supposed to mow the lawn

but it’s a chore so we put on the chore

wheel and now the lawn is

uh has been declared a rain forest and

we’re not

even allowed to because because the

chore wheel has not landed on mow the

lawn yet

well one less chore for you to do it can

it can be taken off if it’s been

declared a rainforest then you don’t

need to

mow the lawn anymore yeah then i think

it’s protected actually oh yeah so

actually absolutely

illegal for us to mow it yeah yeah so

actually i guess

maybe that’s how you should deal with

all of them just wait

just wait until you’re no longer allowed

to do these things

that’s that’s how the modern world works

right being lazy procrastinating

yeah you’re just putting it off yeah

leave it till tomorrow uh

and well it’s it’s weekly we don’t do

the chores tomorrow we we do it every

time

for the podcast really so you only do

jobs for the podcast you don’t do any

housework and

no no enchanted broom no washing up you

have to wait we do

housework when it lands on the house

work when it lands on it so

yeah we unfortunately like you can see

over to our right

the giant stack of dishes i did notice

that

yes you can see on top of that there is

a giant stack of garbage

and then on top of that there is another

stack of dishes

that is because take out the garbage and

do the dishes we’ve never

landed on that unfortunately on the

chore wheel

i did i did notice that i was i was

tempted to start

just uh doing that in the background but

i thought it might distract from the

recording and it would

well it would and it wouldn’t be fair to

everything

else on the chore so

you know it’s you know we sort of made

this deal with

uh i don’t know ourselves i guess

with all of your chores do the are the

chores aware that they’re on a wheel

i i i would i would this well this is

one of those things where culturally i’m

just not sure if we’re gonna be on the

same page because i don’t

um i don’t speak to chores directly

and maybe that’s a fault of mine uh

maybe that’s why you have so many backed

up

they they don’t know how to relate to

you they don’t know how to get get in

touch they don’t know how to go hey can

we can we do this ourselves

because i tell you if you ask the dishes

they’ll wash themselves wow

and this does sound like we i feel like

our culture is so

backwards compared to yours at least in

these areas

because it sounds like you’re right on

the money um are you

like a psychiatrist on top of your other

jobs which are

searching for dog nappers and

complaining

i mean now i’ve been alive so long that

i’ve i’ve

i’ve trained in every single field

imaginable which means yes i could i

could put the psych

psychiatrist hat on if if i so choose

also a doctor i just said i don’t preach

it like other people wow

that’s amazing gotcha okay well

um well you can probably just use like

magic on people to

fix their oh yes it’s well it’s much

easier mental illnesses are more

difficult i mean

anything involving the brain that’s much

harder you’d often have to do some

bloodletting

and everything else as well um but uh

physical ailments

ah fix those straight away they’re

they’re really easy to fix

well miss um miss bellamy would you mind

giving the chore wheel a spin for us

i don’t know if you need to physically

but if you could just

okay you just wave yeah yeah i don’t

need to

oh well that’s the fastest ever gone

[Music]

oh not this one uh

okay um yes so of course i mean for our

listeners you

probably can hear how unhappy we are

because we really for one thing we

really wanted to do the dishes

uh or we’re learning to practice magic

whatever but no

today we have to clean up the budget

okay ah the budget what what is your

budget for

uh for the podcast well for the pod

well it’s really for the umbrella

company

jock dock llc yes um

that includes the podcast it includes

our various charities

um it includes our sneaker company yeah

does

are my uh my wages included in this not

that i need the money of as i’ve said

but

my my wages my my pay do i do i take a

take a small part of the budget up oh is

is this is this your job

i i have many jobs um i don’t need the

money i just feel like um

after i mean berating my culture and uh

maybe not changing as much as i’d have

hoped over the last hour that uh maybe i

could take some

payment maybe a goat uh maybe uh

maybe a pet hamster reparations

in the form of a goat okay it doesn’t

have to be a goat

you’re not on payroll right now though

right because i i’m gonna be honest

there are some people on our payroll

that i don’t know who they are do you

know some of these people dr linda this

is part of balancing the budget i guess

so um

uh we have clarence uh as listed here

and i know i feel like i know a clarence

i like i feel like i know the name um

i know the clarence he’s great he has a

crystal ball

he likes to look at it okay maybe it’s

him

maybe maybe maybe he’s helping

okay um so it’s because it says you know

he he makes

uh 300 grand a year from the podcast or

from from the jock

llc and i’m wondering

i feel like i don’t see him around

enough

if i do see him you know like is he

putting in

however much he’s supposed to put in for

this who who are we talking about

parents

oh yeah i like it who is he

and that’s another thing i don’t know

what his job is or what he does

or you know yeah i can’t like i can’t

even really

picture him yeah i know who he is but

it’s sort of like in a dream

he has a he wears a hat right is it a 10

gallon hat

or he does he sell hats so it’s one of

those things so

for 300 grand a year i’m thinking maybe

we will

at least you know make a note of that to

possibly check up on him

because that’s that sounds logical yes i

i think we could probably

cut his paycheck in half give half of

that

here to tallulah oh that sounds

wonderful

that’s a lot of goats and then the the

other half

the other half can go into the soda

budget

okay yeah okay this this brings us up

the next thing the soda budget

so um whenever you’ve

you keep insisting on making the

the one drink where you you mix all the

sodas together and that’s the only

suicide you’ll only have suicides uh

that’s the only kind of soda you like is

what you say

so um that’s that’s increased the budget

quite a bit like

so much of the budget has to go towards

that because sometimes you only want to

sip

but to do it we have to open up so many

pour them all in the same container

you have your sip you throw it away well

and i insist on buying only two liters

yeah that’s right so it’s not it’s not

like cans you’re

i’m i’m opening a huge two liter

pouring a tiny bit out and then it goes

flat

pretty quickly so we just have to dump

it yeah

have you got any of that with you now do

you have a glass of

glass of suicide with you oh yeah do you

want to sip

i feel like i feel like i could help

yeah no i no i don’t really

drink that stuff i feel like i could

help you you’ll help your problem

no you don’t he doesn’t share if that’s

what you’re asking

if you were gonna say yes i was gonna

say no oh no i don’t i don’t want to

drink i just want to help you if you

don’t if you don’t mind because maybe

then uh dr london could help my

community with your soda problem

yeah yeah yeah wonderful okay so

pass it here okay um

bite hang on two seconds

one mississippi okay i’m done i didn’t

need all that time

uh there you go it’s back uh that will

never go flat now

never flat always bubbly wow

may i clean up your budget that just

applies to this

this one glass oh no no no don’t be so

silly everything that looks like that

every time you make it in that glass

it’ll be in that glass now

as long as it’s in that glass

well i mean oh this is that’s that’s not

good news really because cameron does

he smashes the glass every time there’s

a whole thing too

it’s it’s one of these things where um

well jewish weddings of course yes i

mean you could you could try and save

that glass

in particular i mean i did just enchant

it for you

it would be nice if you didn’t smash it

straight away could you do a magic spell

where i can smash it and then maybe when

i go to sleep it

it sort of like puts itself back

together and i wake up and it’s

fine again ah that would that would cost

you a little bit a little bit more um i

would require

at least cameron

cameron you’re being spoken to we can’t

afford this

but we can’t we can’t afford the money

that you’re saving on the soda

i could could i could i uh yeah we can

we can

think about we can um like move some of

the soda budget over the next five

years which is going to be in the

hundreds of thousands of

what the way that this works

is there i’m sorry uh miss bellamy would

you mind if we just sidebar first

if we just take a moment to discuss this

oh go ahead go ahead

uh yeah so cameron look

and i i don’t want to be to sound

prejudice against anyone but

i feel like it’s one of those things

where there’s going to be some little

catch every time there’s going to be you

know just another glass

that has to be you know rebuilding

itself

and all these little conditional things

and eventually it’s going to cost us the

whole budget

and look i don’t know how clarence got

his portion of the budget but i’m

betting it was something similar

okay so but why why are you

so angry and what like why are we nickel

and diming over

soda we’re spending we’re spending 500

000 on a fishmonger that you insist on

having

well yeah i need that why

why do you need a man who sells you

fresh fish

have you well go to the store

i’ve had rotten fish before no you know

it’s not the same at the store

but you i mean he like i don’t know

why do you have to pay for his room and

board like because he lives above my

house well i don’t know what

like i want fresh fish i

yes i admit that some of my lifestyle is

you know i’m a doctor

you know like this is just part of how i

live you won’t even tell me how much we

pay the sommelier

well why would no it’s he won’t let me

uh know about that that’s that’s his

thing

uh anyway sorry i just wanna

i just wanted to clarify and just say

like let’s not let’s not give

ground on this we can you’ll have to

just

hold onto that cup for as long as you

can

all right sorry miss bellamy we we had

to take a second there to discuss the um

the the the race track

and uh the racetrack yes yes yes uh i

know you’re lying to me i heard it all

you know i’m magic right i heard the

entire thing i’d just like to point out

that it’s entirely your fault that

there’s an extra caveat to this because

you’re the ones that smash the glass

if you didn’t smash the glass i gave you

a foolproof option

no no strings attached not my fault you

smashed the glass

then need that fixing too

height you know i it’s one of these

things where i

maybe i just have this matching my name

again

okay i think um so we have one more

thing on the budget

that we need to uh to address so soda

the sommelier of fishmonger

and uh what’s the other thing on the

budget clearance

clarence yes uh one more thing so this

is

the five thing budget yeah so the last

one is the um

the ball and stick budget so this is uh

i don’t know if we can trim this down at

all because i know sporting events have

been

kind of uh decreased over

the last year or so um you know the

audiences haven’t been there so it’s

it hasn’t been able to generate as much

revenue but we have our

ball and stick competitions uh we have

our teams

we have this whole league that we’ve

formed

where you know little kids will go

around and

hit a stick or hit a ball with a stick

and it’s been it’s been very competitive

and i feel like we’ve done before

before you know sporting events were

kind of shut down i think it was doing

well so

i know six million dollars

seems like kind of a lot at the moment

to be throwing into this but

we were making back double that before

right

i mean it depends on like what you mean

by making back we were

bringing in a lot but we were having to

pay the players

so much after the union yeah and

it’s it’s weird because it’s one of

those things where you obviously don’t

want to

exploit children who are doing the work

for you but at the same time

yeah so that’s why it’s like some of

them like we had to pay that one kid

you know who was i mean he’s awesome at

it but we did have to pay him like 300

million dollars over a five-year

contract yeah

uh yeah we did go over budget with that

one

so i’m but but it’s one of those things

where like i know that the investment’s

gonna pay off

like you know like it can only get

better

well maybe okay but maybe while covet is

going on

we don’t have to buy so many

expensive sticks i’d

i can we just can we like why do we

i’ve never understood why we have to

destroy and then replace the expensive

sticks every single week

but why haven’t we stopped our weekly

order since we haven’t been playing in

over a year now

uh because you don’t because they they

won’t be as fresh i

but um yeah and the way you sniff them

is

so cool

thank you yeah i love it yeah that well

it’s it’s a practice that i learned from

from my the the hired fish monger um

just how to properly sniff but

okay so so i guess that is an area where

i could compromise

let’s say we only buy the new sticks

every

two and a half weeks

yeah i mean yeah that will cut down our

that’ll cut down the budget by half

yeah okay okay so we’ll we’ll do that

and then uh and then that means we can

we can take a third of that

straight to tallulah yes that’d be

wonderful i have a question about this

league

and this this league that you’ve formed

um is it a league that does things

uh for good uh i’m just wondering is is

it in fact a justice league

or is it just a just just a league just

just some friends or is it

or is it or is it just a a league of

extraordinary gentlemen

yes yes uh or um um

a league for superheroes

league for their own yeah okay and once

again we do get those questions all the

time

uh so this is a sporting events league

so so a league of their own then yes yes

in that sense

in the sense that there are not other

ball and stick

you know conglomerate is it a league if

there is only one

if there’s only one one team that’s

that’s what i would like to know

well yeah so so the one team uh

has been winning is is really every

yeah they’ve won every year so i think

currently they’re the most valuable

franchise in sport yes but people keep

better wow that’s

impressive so uh

like i think it’s like manchester united

new york yankees

and then our team the stick and balls

the stick and balls

nice i like i like the names very

creative yeah named after the sport

um of course of course yeah it’s just

one of those things that really

um it’s it’s been surprising because

once again it’s only the one team that

plays

and but the bets keep rolling in people

keep betting against them winning

so people keep betting well in the cons

like we make so much off of concessions

alone oh yeah

and they’re so expensive and they taste

like terrible

i’ve awful yeah um

but this is you know that’s just being

part of the industry

of uh you know the sports and everything

it’s just how it is

uh yeah like i can’t say i know much

about the the sports industry um

i know that usually the red team plays

the blue team um and usually red or blue

win

but uh other than that that’s that’s all

i know so if there’s only one team

what are they the red team or are they

the blue team or are they

are they the purple team let’s see oh

well that does bring us to another part

of that budget is of course the

the colors the jerseys um uh

so far it’s been a uh sort of an

off-white has been the color so

off-white

yeah why uh well it’s to help identify

them

against the the other teams or but we

know there are no other

teams there are no other teams and uh

but but whenever you’re looking at the

field it’s really easy to point out

you’re thinking

uh you know which team it’s of it’s not

a red or blue team it is the the

eggshell off-white team

so ah well and also there’s the double

benefit in that many of our players

originate from the arctic and so it

protects them from predators that

they’re able to sort of

blend in with the environment oh so do

you play do you play this

on in the snow as well is this a game

played

in in a white background oh god please

no no

absolutely not never never um never in

the snow

no we play it i mean most of the games

take place

in south america okay it’s just because

you said that they were blending into

the background i mean if they’re wearing

white then

oh no that’s where they that’s where

they

live like that’s where they’re truly so

after the game

after the game they go home to their

homes

oh they don’t change their clothes they

are they are always wearing their

eggshell off-white

off-white uniforms yeah well it’s their

only yes that is part of the that’s part

of the car that’s the only clothes

that’s a sponsorship thing like we i

would love if the players were able to

you know change their clothes

wash their ever have new you know

mcdonald’s needs their logo shown

you know and that that’s not just on tv

like

their their their families and their

children and stuff they need to be able

to see

these various logos

they need to be able to see like oh the

big bang theory is on tbs like that

needs to be on

their clothing but is it also in white

so they still blend in yeah it’s just

white on white so that way it still

blends in

with the environment did these did these

uniforms start out as brilliant white

and then have gradually faded to

egg egg eggshell white uh what if

they’ve not been able to wash i’m just

concerned that perhaps uh eventually

they’ll turn out gray

and that’s like that’s not what you want

they are i guess

i mean it’s it’s really been it’s never

been fully white it’s it’s been mostly

an off-white and then slowly getting

yeah i guess a little bit more gray but

who’s who’s noticing this stuff you know

especially

you know in these times the big focus

has been really on just

let them play the game you know it’s

it’s fashionable

and also like with with global warming

and everything oh yeah

the arctic isn’t even going to be around

that much longer

and so i them transitioning to maybe a

gray

a smoggy gray city that makes sense

exactly like you have to imagine there’s

gonna be a lot more

fires like there’ve been in california

and australia

that’s probably gonna be most of the

world pretty soon

and so again they’ll be able to blend in

just real easily and sort of our smoky

future

it sounds sounds good to me so it really

i feel like we just

we’re about finished then we’ve

eliminated at least three million

dollars just by cutting the yeah

the sticks the stick and ball budget

yeah do we want to give the fishmonger a

raise because he has been with us for a

few years now

uh just a cost of living phrase you know

yeah no no we should adjust for

inflation and all that

um okay so let’s give him two point five

million

yeah yeah just that’s still we still end

up saving

half a million dollars that’s huge oh

yeah which is

great because i um yeah i’ve got it i’ve

got a hair guy that i want to

bring in and so maybe that’ll cover that

okay

so um thank you so much to

uh tallulah bellamy for being on the

show today yeah you’re very welcome i

hope my

warning uh you take heed of my warning

and uh i don’t have to be back with

another hex i hope you enjoy your glass

cameron um

try not to smash it straight away

otherwise again i’ll be back

and i’d need paying more next time so

yes and i hope we find those dogs that’s

uh that’s one one thing that we didn’t

really we didn’t really get to um if

anyone

has any information about the missing

dogs i believe there’s 101 of them

um get in touch that would be that would

be wonderful and

i’m sure i’m sure we can help together

we can find these dogs

great um and is there any way uh miss

bellamy for

for listeners to keep up with you after

this

uh yes so uh i can be uh found well

my my human counterpart as it were um

can be found at uh

on the best film ever pod um so podcast

we talk about films

um uh and you can find me there we can

also do

a disney themed one which i like the

magic i like to pick holes in the magic

of course

um called talking the mickey which is a

fun pun over here because

you take the mickey oh we talk the

mickey it’s great

okay and uh yeah it sounds great so so

best ever is the best ever film pod was

it

best film ever pod on twitter that’s

where we are

okay all right so you can go follow up

with that

um so anyway thank you once again to

lula bellamy

uh thank you to our producer cameron

thank you to

DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

tick tocks like all the kids are doing i

don’t know i i get lost

what is a tick tock sorry a tick tick

tock is this looks like a clock this is

the sound of clock

yes

[Music]

clocks are like huge right now like

they’re not

super huge really with millennials but

with jinzy they just

love these tick tocks and so i’ve got to

assume they’re just staring at these

clocks and they’re collecting all these

different types of clocks and watches

i don’t really get it because that’s not

like my generation

but like i think it’s cool you know

my name is dr LondonSmith.com and this has

been

the jock doc podcast see ya

95. Colonic Volvulus/Jason Ottier (feat. Adam Macias)

Hey kids you’re about to listen to

comedy podcasts that means none of this

is medical advice if you medical advice

or medical care please contact your

doctor

welcome to the jock doc podcast

featuring

dr london smith it’s stimmy season and

i’m here to remind you

not to spend your stimmy on something

stupid invest it into something

smart like a mutual fund or a wave

runner

introducing your host dr

london smith hello

and welcome to the jock doc podcast

where we discuss fitness and health

and how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring

i’m your host dr londonsmith.com

i’d like to begin by apologizing to our

listeners

we have received some feedback about the

excessive amount of technical medical

terms that i’ve been using such as

magnesium inhibition of pre-synaptic

acetylcholine release

and rats off to you so i’ll try to

temper my terminology to a simpler one

in the future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron

oh were you cameron

uh sorry no i’m i’m just i’m just

observing today i’m not i’m not

participating

yeah okay i mentioned it sort of last

week but right now

for for this month i’m sort of

practicing self-care right now

and i mean i figured you know you would

honor that because

you know me and my people we practice

self-care this time of year

and so it’s kind of important and so the

pr

like the production stuff all of those

things

the buttons you press and the knobs you

turn it doesn’t really seem like it’s

benefiting me

in any way nope or relieving any of my

stress or anxiety

so unfortunately it’s not something that

i can do yeah okay i’m sorry to hear

that

uh you know traditionally a producer

you know sort of sound engineer type

wouldn’t be

super involved in the talking part of a

podcast anyway so maybe this is

this is okay this actually sounds more

yeah i mean as long as you’re fine with

me

not doing anything yeah that’s awesome

so

well the anything part so i feel like

you should do oh sorry yeah

anything that’s not benefiting me in my

uh stress and anxiety so for example i

could practice self-care

by using the company credit card to buy

me a

wave runner yes

i wouldn’t do that again because i did

that this morning but i wouldn’t do that

you know i’m not gonna do that twice

because then it would be repetitive and

boring and that’s not benefiting me if

it’s boring

yeah so i feel like

you know maybe you know i it’s great for

you to practice self-care

and you know for for your days off

i’d say like go for it and you know

you’ve taken a lot more self-care days

lately

like uh like i guess all the days except

you know last week whenever you

mentioned it you just took off those

days

instead of okay well i mean are you

telling are you telling people like oh

celebrate christmas on your day off no

you

you give it to them as a religious

holiday yeah me and my people we

practice

self-care this time of year i mean this

is

this is the time it has to be done dr

yeah right i thought you would recognize

that i didn’t realize you were so

backwards

yeah it’s just you know you know people

will take a a day off for self-care if

you but you

you take the last six days off for

self-care

oh yes and just just as the old legend

said

six days off and then six days off more

that’s what okay one of the founding

principles of self-care

yeah which is okay so self-care is

it’s a religion for you it’s not just um

it’s not a philosophy it is i can’t

imagine i can answer that in any way

that would benefit me

so i’m not going to okay well so we’ll

i’ll just try to manage

um you know sometimes we’re short

staffed whatever that that happens so

we’ll

we’ll work with it okay because i do

want you to be at your best i want you

to be healthy

so for now i guess

uh so i’ll try to to manage these

buttons and knobs

okay well okay now it’s all messed up

because now if i try to stay healthy

then i’m doing it

apparently for your benefit because

you’re the one who wants me to be

healthy

so then it’s no longer for me so it’s no

longer self-care

it’s that service for another person so

now i have to work

okay you know joe me to do maybe

want me to pitch in a little bit how

how can i help you because yeah once

again seeing you thrive is

you know that that helps me

so ah stop saying it you’re ruining it

for me

okay um so that’s our producer cameron

also with us

is DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

[Music]

me and my people we practice self-care

this time of year i mean this is

this is the time it has to be done

practice self-care care practice

self-care

practice self-care care practice i can

practice self-care

by using the company credit card to buy

me a wave runner

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Music]

waverunner

[Music]

practice self-care buy me a

wave runner practice

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

and later cameron tells it we can

actually expect a special guest today

oh and this i’m sorry cameron did tell

me today

it is a huge guest this guest is

i like i don’t want to spoil it i i

don’t want to spoil it but it’s

let’s just say um

what would be above a list

i’d i don’t know like but this guy yeah

he could um spit on the a-list and the

a-list

would thank him for it and

you know it would weep tears of joy yeah

they would they would

scrape up the the spit and the mud the

little bit of mud that it makes

and they would package it and they would

if they put that on ebay

it would sell for a large sum of money

the a-listers would sacrifice

their children in order to be in a

doritos commercial

with this guy wow yeah and i just

you know i don’t want to i don’t want to

say i don’t listen anymore what because

you know we we have to we have to focus

on

you know medicine medicine um so before

we move on i would like to address a bit

of listener feedback

i found this note carved into the inside

portion of a heart

that was carved into a tree at my local

park the note reads quote

a foreign fellow called me about my

social security number

but he but he didn’t know it so i gave

it to him

end quote so uh first of all thank you

so much for reaching out to us here on

the jock talk podcast

uh you know we do like to hear back from

our listeners

um so normally you know sort of the

classic idea of what you carve

inside of a heart on a tree would be

like

you know someone loves someone you know

like

uh jakey loves bambi or whatever

or like fish maybe you’re a big fish fan

yeah like london loves fish which i i do

eat fish the food

or the the like you know 90s jam band

yeah or i was gonna say that the fishing

ph

fish uh yeah that’s what i just said

yeah well i’m

i guess i’m thinking of the email um

oh right yeah so if you’re a big fan of

of well

i mean it sounds like calling people up

and asking them for their social

security number

yeah okay i get you know what good point

um

so i guess this was a fishing note just

just not an email it’s just on a tree

uh so i you know i guess to our

listeners i would be wary

of such a thing um

all right uh thank you for listening

now for today’s medical topic colonic

volvulus

colonic volvulus occurs when a loop of

the intestine

wraps around its place of attachment

within the abdominal cavity

it may result in obstruction and

constipation or with vascular compromise

with potential for necrosis and even

perforation if left untreated

the most common site is the sigmoid

colon risk factors include chronic

illness age

institutionalization and essential

nervous system diseases

uh cycle volvulus which accounts for 25

of all cases

is a surgical emergency and it’s due to

a congenital lack of fixation to the

right colon

and tends to occur in younger patients

other risk factors include chronic

constipation lactic abuse

anti-motility drugs and prior abdominal

surgery

so i mean really the it’s it’s these

tubes of

uh your intestine part of it gets caught

or or loses me sorry no this sorry this

camera this isn’t you

specifically this is my intestine well

you were everything you were describing

was hit i mean

the laxative abuse everything was really

speaking to me

okay so maybe i mean yeah i shouldn’t

say it’s not you because i’m not i don’t

know

but that brings us to the next part

clinically patients present with the

cute onset

of colicky abdominal pain um

you know so have you felt abdominal pain

well yeah i mean after the bowl of kind

of laxatives i ate as a cereal yeah

okay so the stomach hurts so bad you may

also have

this this is all part of the self-care

thing dr london

the the laxative abuse

yes okay so because i’m flushing out all

of the toxins in my body

yeah so so patients who have colonic

volvulus

they may also have obstipation which is

a severe form of constipation

and abdominal distension along with

anorexia nausea and vomiting

have you have you been eating cameron

well yeah i mean i told you i had a huge

bowl of laxatives earlier today

okay so like food have you eaten

uh and okay so so i guess to describe

food

um like a hot dog have you had a hot dog

ooh um i mean i definitely put a bunch

of laxatives on a hot dog

bun and i put ketchup on it did you eat

the bun

yeah yeah and the ketchup okay so that’s

that’s something so okay

um that’s that’s better than you’re

wondering what my recipe is

yes well that’s what that’s that’s what

this is all about you’re trying to you

can just ask directly it’s not a secret

well

i know i think you just told me right

it’s well you take a you take a hot dog

bun but then you toast it just a little

bit dr london

you stick it right in the toaster oven

you lit it you let it you know like

get a little crispy in there and you

take a bunch of laxatives

and you pour it just right into the hot

dog bun then you take some ketchup

room temperature ketchup dr london don’t

don’t just get it out of the fridge

there’s a reason

places like mcdonald’s or whatever have

the ketchup packets just sitting out

and then then you’re gonna put that on

there and you’re just gonna take a big

old bite

home and then that’s your meal for the

next three or four days

oh okay uh

so so diagnosis of colonic fabulous is

first with

plain abdominal x-ray films uh in a

sigmoid volvulus

the omega loop sign which it looks like

a bent inner tube

that indicates a dilated sigmoid colon

and siegel volvulus

the coffee bean sign indicates a large

air fluid level

in the right lower quadrant

sigmoidoscopy is the preferred

diagnostic and therapeutic test for

sigmoid volvulus

and that leads to if you’re a little bit

more of a chef

um one thing that i think maybe you’d be

a little more interested in dr london

because the hot dog might be a little

too basic for you

is my laxative pot pie okay

is that is it just pie crust you take a

pie crust you take a pie crust but you

know

you you know a traditional pie you might

be thinking oh are there blueberries in

there are there apples in there

or is this some sort of a meat pie and

sort of sort of you take

like peas and carrots so that’s in the

mixture there but then you fill it up

with laxatives

i is there is there a reason why you

want the laxatives in the dish like why

why are you do they taste good to you

well no it’s for the self-care part it’s

fleshing out all the toxins

okay yeah you did say that and you think

that just

taking a whole lot of this of laxatives

will help

i mean certainly doing something my

stomach hurts like hell

okay so as i was saying a slight

mindoscopy um

can lead to successful treatment by

untwisting and

you know decompression in many cases

barium enema is another method of

diagnosis

and that can reveal the narrowing of the

colon at the point where it’s twisted

with the classic bird’s beak appearance

treatment uh for sigmoid volvulus as i

said

involves sigmoidoscopy the recurrence

rate is high

so elective sigmoid colon resection is

recommended

and in sql volvulus once again emergent

surgery is indicated

because that’s that’s an emergency okay

um and so cameron i i think that

you know regardless of whether you have

any sort of colonic volvulus

you should probably not be taking so

many laxatives

and replacing meals with laxatives

you think that maybe i should be mixing

in things like muscle relaxers and stuff

and because i’ve been thinking that

exact same thing just sort of the

flavor of it okay so so that part would

be because like

you know what i mean like i’m not huge

on muscle relaxers i think it’s like a

texture thing for me

but when it’s mixed in with stuff just a

sort of like a light flavoring

i think it really can sort of make

things pop

yeah i i i just

really can’t relate on this because i

see those all specific medications that

you would take

you know as needed for

say whenever you need your muscles to

relax or in the case of laxatives

whenever you have

constipation or you know that kind of

thing

does that make sense to you you’re

you’re saying i should double up

uh no you know i’m saying let’s you know

the muscle relaxers just double up on

the laxatives

i wait you know sure it’s in any case

let’s let’s move on from there

all right well um you know i

it’s so i can’t really overstate how

excited i am right now for this guest

he’s uh i mean you’ve all heard of him

not just heard of him but

you know hurt his music we uh you know

if you whenever you go to

work out whenever you go to the store

you’re always hearing it playing

um i i can’t cameron how did you get

this guest

uh well i’m not gonna you know tell all

my secrets dr london but i catfished him

okay oh well all right well in any case

um

i get i guess maybe apologies will be

owed but uh

hello there um my name is dr

londonsmith.com

this is our producer cameron uh and you

are

i everyone’s gonna know the moment you

speak but you jason

ota obviously hey hey how’s it going

is is is shelley not coming

shelley’s not coming um um so

i was supposed i was supposed to meet

i’m not supposed to be on this zoom date

yeah okay so shelly is on her

way okay okay cool cool

so her dog was a

lady gaga’s dog which has been returned

which was returned like a month ago

uh-huh

yeah yeah she her her flat

flat tire car car flat tire yeah

gotcha gotcha yeah yeah so her dog was

was lady gaga’s dog and her and her her

tire was flat

dog tire okay okay okay so she’ll be

she’s she’ll be here but she’ll be here

maybe like 10 minutes just give it like

10. you know what

dude you speaking of dogs right now like

you know what i love i love

getting a hot dog and just like wrapping

with a bunch of ketchup i don’t know

about you guys but that’s like one of my

favorite

things to do that’s like one of my

favorite things to do like

an activity

it’s one of my favorite things whoa oh

oh i’m freaking

out oh i’m freaking out oh so i take you

you guys recognize me i’m sorry yeah so

uh i’ll just hang out i’ll just hang out

with y’all um

until shelley gets here you should

totally hang out we’re actually we’re

recording

a podcast right now cool cool yeah

here’s my nda

okay yeah just go ahead and sign that

and so you can’t you can’t tell anyone

what i’m wearing

or what dr london has on his face or

anything like that yeah

that yeah it’s no description yeah i

usually i usually

a lot of celebrities they have uh you

know uh nda’s

whatever whatever uh they just to kind

of interact with other people so here’s

my

nda and of course on the other side of

that nda is a direct

release form so you’re allowed to

release anything that is said

uh in in this conversation so go feel

free go ahead yeah

okay cool so it’s just sort of a

dealer’s choice it’s still his choice

okay it’s a dealer’s

choice between you

[Applause]

wow and your sister

so can i you know and i i don’t mean to

interrupt this real quick but

so cameron who’s this shelley i didn’t

know

is that oh uh

uh oh uh hey hey jason can you can me

and dr

london uh talk privately for a second

can you do you just want to play games

on my phone for a second

you got you got uh you got uh best

fiends

you got best fiends i love best fiends

uh

yeah i have that that’s just you’re just

gonna go right

here it’s just gonna go to google.com

and then you can just do whatever you

want okay

and just don’t look at the history okay

i love google i love google

game yeah just don’t look at the search

history okay

how to catfish someone well that’s weird

wow that sounds like dr

london there is there is no

shelly she’s more of a

more of a theory she’s more of a more of

an idea

so cameron no you you’re talking weird

because early you actually talk you

referred to as shelly

and that’s actually who jason is waiting

for so i

um you’re not making sense yeah

see i’m shelley is essentially what it

what it is

is this did you is this a change

should i wait a second what are your

pronouns

are you are you

dr von drsen

who was talking to shelly as well is

that why you’re shocked about this

dr london were you pretending to be

another doctor in order to try

to catfish shelly and then you’ve been

catfished on your own

well look i i mean i guess short answer

look i have my private life and i have

my public life

and um you know i

in private sometimes yeah i do some

dating and yes i’ve been

kind of flirty with uh and i can’t go by

my real name everywhere because i’m

famous and i’m sure

jason will know about this uh i it’s

just

you know what i can’t hear us right now

because he’s playing on my phone that’s

right talking privately

that’s right and i was just resting

because he’s close

yes level 3000 yes on google searches

yeah how did he get to three okay i’ll

have to get tips from him in a second

but dr london the point is there’s no

shelly she doesn’t exist

i how can i stress this enough how how

to spell

shelly that’s a weird search history why

is that in there

okay so i guess you know let’s just go

back let’s just go let’s just go talk to

let’s just amazing guests that we have

here real quick

before we do that have your pronouns

changed because that’s really

i just want to make sure if you’re

if you are shelly now no no nothing like

that

no pronouns have changed nothing like

that okay

okay then we’re good there is no shelley

she’s an idea she’s a theory that’s

i don’t well tell that to

anyway um these these images look a lot

like shelley

oh yeah just to look at those i was

looking up though those are just

pictures of the

just the internet just google just picks

that google just shows you things it

chooses what to show you these days

google’s wow google is truly wild yeah

it’s cause they know everything about

you don’t even have to search anymore

so it’s just i mean to be fair um

i know you guys probably know my history

and i have to say

currently i am promoting my album that

is apology

because i was yes me i was spreading out

some

uh bad conspiracy theories all thanks to

google so

uh google’s a kind of a rabbit hole for

me and uh

i’m gonna be honest with you i almost

slipped down it thanks so here’s your

phone back

i can’t go down that hole no more i’m

actually i’m really glad you brought

this up i i was kind of

nervous to ask about it even though it’s

kind of what

is all over the news like i’m on do moi

and

and all these different like gossip

sites people talking about it

you sort of went down a um

an interesting interesting route right

in terms of your

both your beliefs and the music you were

putting out

yeah i i was uh i well everybody knows

uh i was i was all of last year in 2020

uh for the first six months i was on a

uh

meditation slash yoga slash ecstasy

bench

and i woke i came out of it and i was

like whoa there’s like

a virus right and i was like oh no and

so

i did all my research like a good uh

citizen did

and then that’s when i came out with my

al my album

uh not sorry and that was me telling the

truth

about all of the viruses uh how

you know steve wozniak uh created the

coronavirus

uh you know how uh you know the

microchips

are in the i voted sticker and stuff

like that as well as

as well as micro micro guac was also in

the i voted stickers and stuff

so yeah i i don’t interrupt you too much

at the moment but you know you you

you’re saying right now that you

you put out the truth of this but your

latest apology

well your album titled apology you have

a lot of songs that

say that that was not true so i’m just

yeah so i’m

i’m so after my six months you know

meditation yoga actually bench followed

by an album

i went on another meditation yoga xc

binge uh

up until about uh well about a few weeks

ago and then

uh i came back with all these lawsuits

from

uh various places like steve wozniak and

apple

and uh the you know the company that

makes the little i voted stickers

uh they sue they sued me directly

because i said that

no one actually voted um uh

no no one is wearing those i voted

stickers and so they were like well

that’s slander and so i’m

as part of my you know punishment i have

i’m singing

i have an album called i’m sorry and i’m

it’s warming i’m apologizing to all the

all the things i said from last year and

stuff yeah

um so i mean there’s so there’s so much

in there to

to talk about for one thing you you did

vote right like you had pictures of

yourself

with the i voted sticker so i mean

i i’ve i voted

and i got the i voted sticker but i know

no one else wore it are you know what i

mean like it’s just like that

i’m sorry i should say that like harlan

let me i’ll just sing about real quick

yes it’s a real sticker it is not

a microchip

to make to track how you are sleeping at

night

no it’s not a microchip

it is just a sticker

okay so i mean that that does i mean

you were talking a lot last year about

you know

government trying to track people’s

sleep because the government is in

in bed with a big mattress and casper

yeah casper’s yeah not the friendly

ghosts if uh if you if you know what i’m

saying yeah more like the menacing ghoul

is what you said yeah more like it

that’s that was one of my songs the

more like the menacing ghoul uh of

course but you know and then i had that

song called

microchips and guac and uh you know of

course that was like one of the best

songs

of the of the summer um but

you know most i’m here most popular most

popular to say best

so so here’s one thing i’m having

difficulty with here is

you keep you know whenever you’re just

talking about it you keep

saying that the microchips and

everything and you know the government

control that all of that is true

but then whenever you sing you it’s it’s

like

it’s it’s almost like you’re just doing

a performative thing

to recognize the wrongdoing

are you saying that me performing these

songs is

me performing these apology songs is

somehow performative

and i don’t really understand when i i

don’t i mean

i get this you’re you are you’re you’re

like a dentist or a doctor i am so sorry

for dr london’s attitude dr london you

can’t treat our guest this would

our huge guest i’m sorry i’m sorry no no

it’s not

you can’t accuse him of being a

performative

while he’s performing i yeah i just

because

i’m performing doesn’t make me

performative and that’s kind of like

that’s like saying like uh just because

you’re

a ballerina is on their tiptoes means

that like they want to be taller

you know what i’m saying like that’s not

exactly what that’s just what they do

you know what i’m saying um i guess

that’s

i feel does that make sense i feel like

i’m making a lot of sense right now okay

yes that totally

that tracks and that makes sense and i’m

on board

thank you thanks see dr london you got

to keep him happy speaking

of board uh i reminds me i got it i do

have this other song called

um um uh the board of the board of of

the cdc

um um if i i just every time somebody

mentions i gotta sing this song so here

we go

oh it’s the ball to cdc

doesn’t make it easy to

doesn’t make it easy to

collect mario coins that’s not what

they’re supposed to do

cdc does not count for collecting

mario coins

that it’s just actually the center of

disease control

yeah that that was another one that

confused me

because there are some conspiracy

theories that are very

you know widespread prevalent um

the the cdc collecting mario coins or or

you know the various

types of coins that are fictional within

nintendo games

uh that that’s i hadn’t heard of that

anywhere besides your album and that

which again you talk about a lot you

talk about

you know remember how greedy wario is

well wario is the head of the cdc

um and you blame google for

kind of stumbling upon a lot of these

conspiracies but i agree with dr london

it kind of sounds like some of these

you might have originated right

i mean when you

when one goes down the rabbit hole of

the internet

you you kind of blend your own

personalities

especially with you know if you’re if

you’re

you know you’re watching youtube and it

piles on and piles on and

you’re watching all these live streams

and then all of a sudden you are a live

stream and then you’re talking about

various conspiracies like cdc uh

collects mario coins wario is dr fauci

fauci is uh a uh

he’s a he kidnapped princess peach

is princess peach a uh allegory

for melania trump that those are all

things that you kind of just like found

yourself saying and also hearing at the

same time you know

and i i do want to point out that dr

fauci is a real person and didn’t steal

melania trump she doesn’t like she just

doesn’t like

the public eye

i have of course say that uh every time

i do magic yeah otherwise

it’s amazing what your lawyers

got for you because a lot of people just

you know i have the best lawyers yeah i

got one of the

the some of the best lawyers in the biz

well i guess that’s my

my sort of question is who is greatly

encouraging you to do these apologies is

just your lawyers trying to

cover yourself or were you court was

this a court mandated thing i guess i

don’t know where this is coming from

this was a court mandate yeah i it was

either

sing a bunch of songs uh as opposed to

an apolog and sing a bunch of songs and

apologizing for

all the quote unquote lies i’ve

told or pay one trillion dollars

and i was like i mean i make about

you know and i was like well i make

about three trillion in album sales so

i’m so sorry you can have you can just

have that

how about that you could just have the

money from the album sales so

um you know i ended up making it i’ll

probably make another trillion just

just based off of you know well yeah i

mean because everyone

streams obviously anything you put out

everyone is jamming immediately

yeah you know a lot of people what’s

been odd is

you know with cancel culture people will

stop buying from certain people but

with you it’s been the i don’t want to

say the opposite effect

but the effect has been basically your

your album sales have only increased

yeah it’s the morgan wallen effect

well it’s what’s amazing is like the

more

you know sort of the the more proponents

who who want you canceled

they’re buying your album too and very

publicly and it’s very

i don’t know it’s just much different

from the other celebrities who’ve

who’ve fallen into this well yeah i mean

um that’s that’s one thing actually

morgan wallin and i did

um we did have a uh a shared

track we uh oh you’ve been collaborating

with him recently

yeah it was called um it was all called

up uh

ratify culture um which is

uh of course an antonym for cancel so

um you know i can say i can sing my

parts but he’s got obviously he’s got

his whole parts

uh on on his side it was a nice duet or

whatever but um

it’s just something like ratify

those thoughts and those words

ratify those lives gratify

your face in my hands i

want to know how you

feel

wow that was a that was a harmonic part

yeah he was a

you know obviously lower than me yeah

so yeah it’s just it’s odd to me that

that’s

that the effect has just been you know

just springing you forward so much and

also strange to me that

you know your your attorneys really seem

to argue to try to get you to sing

like to try to get your deal just like

as opposed to you know the settlements

whatever

um to always have to sing and

i guess that’s that is good

advertisement you know anytime anyone

brings it up you just start singing i’ve

of course

you know my my dad of course is my

lawyer and is also a ward of my

all my financial well-beings and stuff

like that so

uh i just kind of do whatever my dad

says um he

kind of controls everything about uh

what i do and stuff and so

you know he says i trust him completely

he’s uh

you know he’s my he’s my uh you know

he’s my daddy and

i uh feel like he could uh

you know he he knows what’s good for me

so um

and that is not a coded message

yeah it just said your your father has a

certain sort of guardianship over you

yeah i mean it’s a legal guardianship an

award ship

and a financial uh um

holds all of my financial stuff and i’m

very and i’m very happy

and sometimes i just look to the future

you know none of that

none of that was coded at all is that

what i just said is that

him on the on this video feed

it’s it’s been muted the whole time

but because there has been someone else

here joining us oh

shelly is this shelley uh shelly is it

shelley

no i’m gonna guess that’s your dad i

know you can see who we’re talking about

yeah uh what technically

technically i don’t see him that’s also

part of

that’s also part of the uh the agreement

uh

he never acknowledges his presence so

like just be cool like he’s just not

he’s just kind of there okay okay okay

cool he’s obviously there to like

witness the

you know make sure i i was like you know

i’m i’m in safe hands and gonna go on

this date with shelley and stuff you

know because i haven’t you know

okay obviously my seven other wives are

um

you know looking for alimony and stuff

so yeah i was gonna say it’s it’s a lot

like a

sort of an old-timey cording situation

with uh

you know having a chaperone except

and there’s nothing wrong with being a

little traditional dr london

yeah yeah yeah all of your wives and

then you court

the next one in the same jason i guess

that’s one question for you

did did you court all of your other

wives the same way that your court that

you were planning to court

shelley yeah um almost exactly the same

way

um i i went on to uh

um farmermixbagel.com and

um that’s where i find i found most of

my wives except for the first one

uh that one i met at the orange county

fair but

most all of the other ones i went to a

farmer meets pigs

i’m sorry your first wife is that the

one who disappeared

is that is that the one that’s

disappeared yeah

i know dad is that is that the one that

disappeared was that

was that melissa ah wait i’m not even

supposed to talk to him sorry

i’m pretty sure i’m pretty sure i i’m

gonna get back to you on that

okay but i’m pretty sure yes because i

know

and this isn’t like a lot of your die

hard fans say that

you know you had your first love and

that your first love

didn’t approve of the way your father

managed things okay

and on that video feed that that that

who i assume is your dad is shaking his

head at us um

he’s shaking his fist too he’s kind of

going away

otta and it it it’s cool that like i

have like an ipad

uh necklace and then he’s just kind of

like hanging out on this

on this on this on my on my chest right

here right you guys oh yeah that’s cool

with like him watching it

it’s really i mean it is genuinely cool

it’s like that

you know the kind of like the oversized

watch thing except it’s a it’s an ipad

yeah yeah it’s kind of like the modern

you know like ipads are like just big

watches

you know yeah like one of that’s also

okay actually i’m not allowed to say

that

uh hold on i gotta ipads are not just

giant watches

they are not just filled with tiny cogs

and

inside them you get the internet

they are computers

[Music]

sorry that was of course one of my other

songs about how ipads were never

actually

uh technology and when i’ve been

directed they’re just one big jack clock

so yeah

this i mean this kind of reminds me i

did want to ask about there is sort of

one um interesting claim you’ve been

making that you

haven’t backed down from in fact you’ve

sort of doubled down on

and it’s that you know

your tv is not showing something that

was recorded those are little people

living inside there

yeah i don’t know why people are like

why people are just like uh maintaining

this lie

to themselves like listen people

are big yes

and so if i’m looking at if people

in a tv they can’t be

small right so they have to be

shrunken people in there and they can’t

there’s no other explanation you know

i mean it makes sense to me and i also

don’t understand why people get so mad

about that because

even if you were wrong about that

there’s not really any harm in believing

that

i mean i the thing is i most of the time

i do fight people that disagree with me

so maybe that’s like the harm of it

but i usually lose i usually lose and i

end up giving them one of my ipad

watches

um to to tell them of course you know

like i’m sorry

but yeah i mean like there’s no harm

really of me just saying

there’s shrunken people uh in the

internet there’s

there’s there’s uh like joe rogan is a

shrunken person whenever i watch him on

youtube

um uh you know alex jones is a little

person yeah there’s no harm in saying

that you know like

um you know like ben shapiro is tiny

yes those are things that like are true

you know and

it’s just crazy that people like you

hear ben shafiro’s voice he sounds like

already like

like a little elf like from a christmas

movie don’t even get me started about

cartoons

cartoons are just p paper held up by

little tiny people that move around in

the screen so like

of course like it just makes sense right

yeah i mean the shapiro

thing was definitely a tipping point for

me because it’s like okay well this

person is clearly about

four foot six and if he was

actually bigger than that in real life

then why would he be so obviously

insecure and constantly projecting about

it so he must be very tiny

and like four foot six tell me like i i

don’t know about you guys but i do have

a 20-foot tv so most of the time when

i’m looking at these

people that are on tv they’re about like

just a little bit smaller

like just like you were you’re like

four-fifths scale

they’re like four you know like it’s

just like that doesn’t seem right

that doesn’t seem right you know like

i watched i was watching this one

sporting event um

where they were like jumping around on

bars

and flipping around and stuff like that

and like waving ribbons

jumping around on bars are you talking

about just bar rescue

or the i was talking i was i was talking

about bar risk

rescue olympics of course okay uh where

they were of

course doing crazy stunts on uh

on motorcycles while also uh

doing double hand backflips and those

people are so small

it’s like of course you’re not because

you’re not real

you live in my tv man get that

motorcycle in there

you see my tv no you’re in my tv

you i wish i could

meet you in real life

[Music]

i just wish they could yeah no i mean i

think it’s very brave of you to stick by

those convictions

despite what people might be saying and

then people are always like

they’re just they’re like jason what

about when you’re

on tv i was like obviously that’s when

they use

mirrors to reflect me into everybody’s

homes obviously yep like they just shoot

me up through

the ipad satellite clock and it’s a

mirror

that just i’m like just standing there

like

it’s simple math it’s simple yeah i

guess

you know it’s it’s just not my field so

much so it’s not really

something i can you know contend i can

say yes or no is this

is this a i thought this was an uh this

isn’t a this is an office right not

we’re not in a field right now sometimes

i

i have terrible spatial awareness no

sorry so this is um

this is our a podcast recording studio

now it may not

look like it at the moment because it is

cameron’s

uh another of cameron’s self-care days

so you know you gotta have you gotta

have self-care days have you ever had a

meditation yoga slash ecstasy ben’s

first

six months is great oh

i have to try that i’ve heard such great

things about that

it’s honestly you’re not even gonna be

the same person afterwards and i have

done it at least i do about

uh well that i do they’re six months

long so i do about three a year

yep some overlapping the first and third

ones sort of

kind of overlap a little bit and then

the second one is right in between them

honestly yeah they all just kind of

they’re they

they’re different but same at the same

time you know

wow yeah so and you know i hate to

to kind of interrupt this because we

have such a good flow

going and it’s so exciting to have you

on the

the podcast but you said flo i gotta

sorry i gotta just soon

okay flo is just

a woman she’s not a robot

selling you insurance flow is just

a woman she’s just a robot

selling you insurance she’s also a woman

that lives on your tv

yeah so sorry sorry i didn’t mean to

interrupt your flow but

of course i have to say that no no

you’re you’re fine and it’s it’s good

that you address the

you know all the the the rumors you’ve

kind of put out about the progressive

commercials

um but uh we we have chores to do

and i you know i hate to involve a

celebrity like yourself in it but

we we kind of don’t make the rules on

this and we made them but

like we don’t currently make them we

already made them so

well sorry before we can before we go

and do that can i just request

one more song from your latest apology

album just if you could just sing real

quick

uh mr bean is not my president oh man

that’s um yeah no no problem here you go

[Music]

mr bean you are

not my president

mr bean you

are not my president even though

you’re so funny and you fall down

all the time and you don’t ever say a

word

you’re just also funny you are not

my presence you never were running

you are not even american but you are

american in my heart cause you’re so

[ __ ] funny yeah

you make me laugh all the time all the

times you’re

on a train or in a bus or on the streets

you got your haircut and that mole

you’re so dang funny with the music

going on

i think you’re so funny you should be my

president oh no

you’re not my president mr beanie

yeah that was one of the more surprising

lawsuits that came about

over that because it didn’t seem like

you were

really victimizing anyone in particular

i guess aside from

the sitting president but

well i mean it’s crazy rowan atkinson

sued me he

directly usually these are organizations

but rowan acting

atkinson literally sued me and i was

like you’re my president he’s like

you know of course he didn’t he was

being doing his mr bean impressions

but still but still got the apology well

i guess you know

good good daddy apology but um you know

i

and i hate to just hurry things along to

the next thing but we have to do these

chores

okay so dumada you want to go ahead and

explain

what that is dr london yeah i know it

would

you know i won’t say how it would affect

me or whatever

yes for your for your own self-care

please share

all right so this is in my self-interest

that i

explained to our listeners and our

guests what the chore wheel is

essentially we have been neglecting all

of our chores for a really long time now

we haven’t been doing the dishes we

haven’t been cleaning the toilets we

haven’t been cleaning the fish tank

uh we haven’t put the dog on a pedestal

like we’re supposed to

there’s all these sorts of things that

we have just been putting off on our

to-do list

and so we made this fun little wheel and

every week we spin it and whatever it

lands on that is the chore we have to do

even dr london if it’s washing your

socks i know you hate that chore

i hate it but i mean i if it lands on it

we gotta wash your socks i’m normally

so anti that but

after stepping in the the wet concrete

the other day

i am i’m starting to see how

cleaning socks would be helpful yeah

you’re really hoping it lands on

because i mean you can’t clean them

unless we get on the tour wheel

yeah no yeah that’s that’s the whole

problem but um

anyway uh now i know this is kind of a

big ask

jason uh but is there any chance that

you could

spin the chore wheel for us like it

would be an honor

oh yeah you know what i’m gonna be

honest with you i

love chores it’s one of my favorite

things to do you know my favorite

yeah i love i love putting away dishes

but i don’t like taking them out you

know they’re like oh

it’s like i like the puzzle of like

putting dishes in

and obviously like my dishes are like

very expensive obviously i mean all of

them are from versailles

but when i take them out it’s like oh

man i just wish

when i tell myself to go

do it i just wish it could be done

and usually they are because i have

house cleaners

and stuff and like i’m i’m i think the

people that live in my tv are also like

cleaning up after the house sometimes

because like stuff is like you know like

there’s like an elephant that like made

out of a towel like on my bed

of course like that good job

uh ryan secrets you’re so funny oh

when you say all your dishes are from

versailles you’re talking about the

queen of versailles that documentary

about that couple

rich couple in florida who were building

like a 90

000 square foot house and then went

bankrupt

yeah wow i got them all very cheap and

is there another versailles

very expensive i don’t think so okay i

don’t think so

so in any case if you could go ahead and

spin that wheel

okay here we go

[Music]

oh no okay no i didn’t

and it was gonna happen yeah and it’s

the timing is kind of is honestly

uncanny because

we these chores have been years in the

making we keep

every time we do a chore we have to

rebuild the wheel to

you know for the chores added and taken

off but um

okay yeah so i’ll just go ahead and read

it so we are

supposed to share what went wrong with

your april fool’s prank oh yeah

so um you know last week we talked a

little bit about it but

um cameron and i have

our families have his family is very

much

into um my family

are prankers and his family are prankies

and we have a long standing sort of

hatfield versus

mccoy’s style prank feud and by feud i

mean

my family pranks his family and his

family are sort of

um kind of cowards shivering in the dark

oh okay this year okay this year was a

little different though classic

do you want me to share cameras yeah go

ahead dr london you can share

what what went wrong with your april

fool’s day okay

and it was so close to working this year

so we

um so my family um they were

that they went to cameron’s family so

the plan was

uh and i i didn’t they don’t tell me all

of it because they know that

i have some ethical restraints but

my understanding was that they had all

these drums of

gasoline and you know all this lighter

fluid

and they were going to um have a bonfire

in or at cameron’s family’s house

something to that effect so you know

bonfire sounds fun

and i thought like what a healthy way to

to celebrate

the this holiday um that normally is so

mean and so so they

they went and um they they only

they didn’t get quite across the street

whenever one of them

tipped over one of the drums of gasoline

and

uh you know it’s basically it’s

so then and so someone else dropped a

match

and so the whole the the street

was on fire that that’s what it no one

was hurt or anything you know thankfully

it was it was fine in that regard

of importance yeah yeah but um

the the entire street was on fire

and that that kept up for a few days

only a few days

and so we had to make some alternate

you know roads and pathways for that but

you know other your street

your street is on fire

your street your street is on fire

and it’s not caused

by

laser satellites your street

your street is on fire wow

thank you very good yes

well speaking of which did you um you

know try out any pranks

over this april fool’s time

yeah uh well you know as everybody knows

i’m a musician and

um i thought it would be kind of funny

if i

put out a like a joke album okay like a

weird al

kind of thing whoa you did a parody of

weird al

yeah i did a weird how parody of weird

out yeah

like i uh you know his thing is like

making them funny and so what i did i

just made them

serious and here’s the thing i thought

it was gonna be

i was like oh bad i i thought it was

gonna be but i

i ended up going double platinum and you

know people started playing them at

their weddings and stuff like

you know like um you know like

like like eat it yeah exactly i was just

like you know like

what what would be funnier it’s like oh

you could beat it right

and people people started dancing to it

sometimes some critics of that album

said that like

to some extent you seem to just be doing

covers of the original

but i was like i don’t even know what

you’re talking about i’m like

i’m i as you guys all know i’m very

young i’m i’m

16 and at three-quarters and i don’t

even know half of like what they’re

saying it’s like who’s michael i don’t

even know who michael jackson is you

know um

yeah i uh yeah i

i mean of course i was like i did get in

a little flack for

his my parody of amish paradise um

because obviously i don’t know the

plight of uh

the gangsters but i was just like you

know i feel like i feel like i could

probably write a song about like what

it’s like

living on the streets and like what it’s

like um

uh in in the in the hood as a joke you

know like that

i’m 16 and three quarters like no one

would expect that for me

and people liked it it was you you did

get some pushback

on you took a very wholesome song white

and nerdy

which is you know just a fun song about

being white and being a little nerd

and then you turned it into sort of a

dirty song about ride and dirty

yeah yeah it’s again it’s i just thought

it was funny because obviously i’m 16

three quarters and i don’t even have a

car

you know i don’t i don’t um i don’t

have a driver’s license yet so i was

like oh i could be riding dirty

like what do i know about uh writing and

stuff

um you know and um yeah so

obviously i went triple platinum on on

those songs

wow you went another platinum since the

last time you mentioned it

yeah well that’s the thing it’s it’s

selling so much

uh yeah i mean it’s only april 5th like

it’s only been four days since it’s been

out and it’s been a phenomenal i mean

i’ve been playing it non-stop it’s on a

loop but

you know and the whole time the street

was burning

it’s it’s all we had just blasting out

the windows

um it was kind of art i love

the song foil because i’m you know a big

conspiracy head and i was like i wanna

i it was like my anthem for most of 2020

uh and then i was like oh wouldn’t it be

funny if i was

like uh what wrote it about royals you

know

and uh and that of course

uh i mean i’m one of the most successful

uh teenagers of all time that ever wrote

a song about royals you know so

yeah that’s true that’s i mean i i

i just every time it just sucks like

when you try to make something

and the people are [ __ ] morons and

they take it the wrong way you know like

it’s like

come on guys i’m an artist like i don’t

shouldn’t even be apologizing for my

words like

yeah why are you taking the things i say

so literally i’m just a freaking

16 and three-quarters millionaire with a

huge platform

yes like why are you taking it seriously

right

i tell people things and they do it

and it’s like what are you yes the

little

people that live in my tv like come on

come on and also just like chill out and

like

chill out you know what i mean everyone

wants to chill chill

out yeah and maybe practice self-care

for themselves as well yes

people more people need to be going on

six month long

ecstasy binges i’ve been saying that for

the last

four years in between yeah

yeah um and i’m sorry i i don’t want to

leave

camryn out but i know cameron you had

some some pretty big events happen with

your april fools

oh right yeah i mean i mentioned it last

week when we were talking about

what we were gonna do how my the main

prank i was focusing on

was um trying to steal my cousin’s wife

trying to break up their marriage and

then woo her

um and so that

worked um but then so then we got

married and it was sort of a prank on me

because she’s in a lot of debt

yeah it it was it was also a prank on

them because you the marriage that you

broke up

and who has custody now

custody of the dog we just let the dog

go

we well so remember an airbud when he

was trying to make them

choose and also beethoven i think

yeah i remember that i should remember

but you may have to refresh my memory a

little bit i mean

they let the dog choose who they wanted

to go with and

what they don’t tell you about that is

that if your dog is not trained

to not run away then when you let go of

the leash it’s just going to run away

right yeah so the dog’s gone dogs are

famously

independent creatures who will just try

to survive in the wild if they can

yep i mean that they’re always they’re

always like

so um like hostile to you

and they don’t like it when you like

tell them to hey go fold laundry you

know

they’re not very uh they’re not very

attuned to like what

human uh beings want and yeah in their

lives

they’re always like digging around in

sand

and like uh they love pooping in sand

and stuff

they really like emotional intelligence

like really

like i don’t think i’ve ever met a dog

that was a true empath

yeah right i just wish like i’ve seen

him fake it though

oh right like a sociopath like most dogs

are sociopaths

to be true you know like they yeah they

emulate

human behavior because that’s what they

think

we want yeah they’re just they’re sort

of responding

to what they think you want rather than

just sort of being who they are

exactly exactly um i do have to premise

this i

do have a song called uh well i just

sing it

hey there scruffy boy

hey there little furry man

you are not the next dexter

you’re not hannibal your

dogs aren’t serial killers they’re just

tiny animals dogs aren’t serial killers

you can have all of these

dog bones on that that one i’m still

i’m still still kind of wow that was so

good

well thank you that’s the i guess that’s

a jack-jack podcast exclusive

um well i guess at this point we’ll go

ahead

and uh oh i will say with my situation

you know like we’re we’re a happy family

right now but

also you know on top of the debt my

mother-in-law is staying with us

now so talk about a prank on me

yeah a lot of praise that’s

that sounds tough for you yeah all of my

seven mother-in-laws are still living

with me oh i feel you

that’s the thing i feel you as from as

for my cousin who the prank was on

um i haven’t heard from him since i did

the prank so

not exactly i don’t think anyone’s heard

from him huh that’s weird

so you know i i can’t overstate this

thank you so much to jason ota

for for coming on the podcast this is i

it wasn’t even in my my sphere of

thought

to have you on what an amazing thing of

course yeah no i’m glad to be here

um i never meant to be here um but

honestly i don’t even care that shelly

never showed up i’m just glad to have

met you guys

oh she’s still she’s still about 10

minutes away she said

oh um how’s her how’s her tire break

so i think that it’s been maybe being

dealt with by

like a tire fixer guy she said okay

um so she went and she is watching

a movie right now oh cool well they

fixed that

in a theater yeah she just went into a

theater and then they were showing

fever pitch and so she’s just she’s

catching the second half of fever pitch

wow i mean okay

that’s that’s a it’s the 16th year

anniversary of fever pitch and so like

you know they’re doing sort of like

they’re going around and i love jimmy

fallon

he won’t have me on his show but i love

him though he’s the best

i think he’s so stupid and i tell him

that every time but he doesn’t let me on

the show

and it’s weird that he won’t let you on

the show when you even made that song

that was like

jimmy fallon is not an abusive alcoholic

jimmy fallon is not an abusive alcoholic

he’ll yes he does only have nine fingers

that doesn’t mean he likes to use him on

his family

he is just a guy

who hosts the tonight show

wow that’s so good

now um jason you know i

i know that you’re you’re so insanely

popular that

you know you plugging anything sounds

like a waste so do you want to

maybe plug some i don’t know indie

artists or something i don’t know yeah

would you like to promote anything no

um well i mean uh you can talk to

actually um you can one of my lawyers uh

his name is adam macias

he um he’s also like uh he’s got a

he’s like a funny guy he like writes

music i don’t know he’s like

he kind of makes me laugh sometimes um

you can follow him at adam r mack

on instagram and uh and

you could subscribe to his youtube

channel he also has this

uh satire show called fake news on

fridays

um their tick tock is actually very very

cool

it’s uh striving for another uh another

thousand k

followers uh if you all can uh try to

get that that is fake news underscore

comedy on

instagram uh tick tock and twitter so

please go check them out if you like

uh just some crazy crazy conspiracy

theories

i don’t i’m not allowed to talk about

him but he is and they’re very very fun

uh but anyways um don’t buy

royal from me that is not uh

it’s already triple platinum okay so so

you you want to promote someone else

and de-promote a little bit of yourself

stop buying royals stop

buying royals i don’t know how your your

fan base is so rabid i don’t know if

they’ll say no to something but we’ll

we’ll see

thank you to jason ottier

for for being on thank you to our

producer cameron

thank you to DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

[Music]

you

[Music]

you never you are not even american

but you are american in my heart cause

you’re so funny yeah

you make me laugh all the time

going on i thank you soon

[Music]

uh mr bean is not my president

[Music]

uh mr bean is not my president

my name is dr londonsmith.com and this

has been

the jock doc podcast see ya bye

94. Pseudomembranous Colitis/Jimmy French Stewart (feat. Matt Hellyer)

Hey kids you’re about to listen to a

comedy podcast that means another this

is medical advice if you need medical

advice or medical care

please contact your doctor welcome to

the jock doc

podcast featuring dr london

smith the only podcast on the internet

that is

fully back open 100 no restrictions

no mask mandates that’s right you can

listen to the podcast without your masks

now

enjoy hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast where we discuss fitness and

health and how to incorporate

our modern understanding of science and

medicine into our daily lives

but without it being so boring i’m your

host

dr londonsmith.com i’d like to begin

by apologizing to our listeners we’ve

received some

feedback about the excessive amount of

technical medical terms that i’ve been

using

such as apolipoprotein e epsilon 4

allele and april fools so i’ll try to

temper my terminology to a simpler one

in the future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron hey

dr london uh i’ve you kind of

you kind of seemed down today like

what’s going on i mean it’s

we’re like spring just started things

are

everyone else is chipper everyone else

is happy and like

the sun’s out you know the penguins have

gone back to their caves

yeah all the snow has turned back into

fog and

but you just kind of seem a little a

little down

you okay buddy yeah so

i mean you know uh you know when the

snow does turn back into fog

that’s you know for a lot of people that

is the season of new growth and

everything for me

um i’m just i’m just so scared of

the the pranks that are gonna come on

soon it’s

oh because of april fool’s day

well i don’t let’s not say it okay um

but yeah it’s

afd it’s yeah

yeah so yeah afd comes along once a year

and it’s just you know for me my family

it’s

it’s a difficult time we you know we’ve

all been

because you guys are suckers

yes well we we’re

we live life and naive

very trusting yes

yeah i guess we’re we’re honest people

would be another way if someone offers

you

a peanut and it’s clearly a fake can

that a snake is gonna pop out of yeah

one peanut

and it like it just looks you’ve never

seen a a

peanut can look like this at all you

immediately go yeah

and you raise your hand out here’s

here’s the thing i don’t buy

canned like i don’t buy peanuts in a can

it’s you know i’m i’m not stupid i’m

gonna save money i’m gonna buy in bulk i

get a barrel

every time so if someone hands me a can

i’ve only ever seen

the i guess the mean kind and so that’s

what i

it’s my understanding that’s how they

all look right but here’s the thing

even though this has happened before and

even though we’re talking about it right

now

you are going to fall for it again

well if i’m hungry and i’m usually

i’m always snacking a little bit

uh but i don’t think that’s mark against

me

there are two kinds of people in this

world and you know we’ve got prankers

and we’ve got prankees and you come from

a long lineage of prankees

the people who pranks are thrust upon

whereas me and my family april fool’s

day is a little more

sorry afd is a little more fun for us

because we are more of the uh

alpha types the the aggressors

the prankers yeah um

which and i know that your family’s

proud of that that’s part of your

culture and so that’s

you know in that regard like i i can’t i

can’t be down on you for it because i

understand like that’s

um there was no other way to grow up for

you

and that’s our family our family emblem

is a guy shoving a guy from your

family’s

face into a pile of like pig

excrement sort of mud just like the mud

area yeah

i mean but the way that our family tells

it it was it was definitely

excrement it wasn’t it was not mud it

was uh

it’s all mixed in together you know what

i mean like it’s the dirt it’s the food

it’s it’s vomit it’s everything pee i

guess

i guess you know whenever your family

tells it it’s maybe more innocent

whereas with ours

you know we’re just well aware of of how

traumatizing that was

and i yeah you know our families are

essentially hatfield

like the hatfield versus mccoys but for

pranking yeah it’s just like a

centuries-long

feud yeah and i guess to call it a feud

seems really kind to your family because

it’s just your family you know being

mean to mine

is what it is you guys have it coming by

again

opening that can of peanuts every single

time

yeah well and to clarify once again it’s

usually like at best it’s one peanut

like whenever i open it there’s only

maybe gonna be one peanut in there

that’s real

and that’s what’s frustrating it’s

always a snake that’s gonna pop out

yeah but like well i guess

yeah i’ve come to think has it ever been

even one peanut

i you know what let’s move on from this

because this is actually you know for my

family

you know for me and my father and his

father before him

yeah i don’t want to be insensitive at

all it’s just

it’s just you know you most holidays

everyone kinda is on the same page about

it

my family’s on the same page about this

this it’s like a time of mourning for

your family but a time of celebration

for my family and so it’s a little

awkward yeah

yeah and so kind of kind of insensitive

feed even ask

why why i’m down today okay we’ll so now

it’s out there

well it’s like i’ve put you know like

i’ve put a

straw in the back of your socks

just earlier today that i’m sort of

funneling

potato salad into and so it’s slowly

filling up your shoes but slow enough

where you don’t even notice sort of like

the

like a frog being boiled you know yeah

like yeah i don’t boil frogs that much

either and it’s like i

did that because i thought it was sort

of honoring the day

but now i’m being told that because

times are changed and things are so

sensitive these days that i might be

kind of hurting you

yeah yeah so um so that’s our producer

and that bums that’s a piece of cameron

um also with us is DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

[Music]

because times are changed and things are

so sensitive these days

because times are changed and things are

so sensitive these days

[Music]

things are so sensitive things are so

sensitive

[Music]

things are so sensitive things are so

sensitive

[Music]

these days

[Music]

things are so sensitive these days

[Music]

and uh cameron tells me that we can

expect a special guest today as well

did i tell you that i i could have maybe

it was another prank i

i can’t tell that this time of year i

can never tell

anything just you can’t tell

i don’t just because of the prank stuff

you can’t tell like what time of day it

is or like

whether or not you’re hungry or like

it’s hard to keep track like i can tell

i’m hungry because

no peanuts but oh right yeah anyway

before we move on i would like to

address a bit of

listener feedback i found this note

stapled to

the small cask of whiskey that was

attached to the neck of a dog that

showed up when

i had been stuck in an avalanche cabin

for a few days

uh the note reads quote i’m available pm

me i’m 75 and ready to get back out

there

after henry finally croaked end quote

so first of all um thank you to this

listener for reaching out

uh with this question on the jockheart

podcast i mean i guess

it’s not so much of a question is um a

statement of intent i guess

yeah uh so i get i guess

thank you um i’m not sure that i’m

interested but i’m also

you know i don’t want to be using ageism

here

as an excuse you usually go for people a

little older

yeah okay uh well in case to this

listener thank you for listening

um now for today’s medical topic

pseudomembranous colitis

whoa that’s so weird

okay i’m writing a script

about that about pseudomembranous

colitis

yes okay that’s so strange this is

perfect for both yeah this is great

research for you

okay so pseudomembranous colitis also uh

referred to as

antibiotic associated colitis is one of

the most common hospital acquired

infections

and is an increasingly frequent cause of

morbidity mortality among older adult

hospitalized patients

so basically a patient will have

recently been given

broad spectrum antibiotics and this

antibiotic treatment

kills the organisms in the patient’s gut

that normally inhibit the growth

of this one bacteria called um

clusteridioides

difficile it’s formerly known as

clostridium difficile

so this leaves okay antibiotic

associated prophygus turns

to the antibiotic treatment organism and

says

baby i’ve been waiting for you my entire

life

okay keep going so almost almost all

antibiotics have been associated with

this

but uh the most frequently implicated

antibiotics are you know clindamycin

ampicillin and cephalosporins symptoms

usually begin during the first week of

antibiotic therapy

however up to six weeks may lapse after

stopping antibiotics before clinical

findings become apparent

and disease severity it really varies

widely

not clinically but then suddenly clinton

is a men

which they then have to go to therapy

for for six weeks

okay go ahead okay uh clinically

patients will present with profuse

watery diarrhea

usually with no blood or mucus they’ll

also have crampy abdominal pain

in severe cases they may also have toxic

megacolon with

a risk for perforation so that’s that’s

whenever your intestine actually

bursts and you know the contents spill

into the peritoneum

okay so the lead antibiotic associated

proficis

has diarrhea and then his

girlfriend turns out to be

sort of in a twist toxic mega colon

yeah so is that right i you know i

i feel like the way we’re gonna have to

approach it the way that you’re writing

maybe i’ll just do edits after

because i’m i’m not i’m not sure that

you’re following exactly but

it’s a demonstration of c difficile

toxins and we we usually just refer to

it as c diff

um but demonstration of that in the

stool is diagnostic

but the results take at least 24 hours

flexible sigmoidoscopy is the most rapid

test and is diagnostic

but because of discomfort and expense

it’s infrequently used

because that is you know shoving a

camera up there

anyway uh abdominal radiograph must be

may also be done oh well so now i’ve got

a huge connection right so our main guy

is he’s you know he’s got chronic

diarrhea so he’s been on the

toilet for 24 hours

right like you had just said well and

stool

you said that as well and then while

he’s on the toilet

because he’s being spied on by the bad

guy

suddenly from the hole of the toilet a

camera

kind of shoves its way up there

and takes a hold of him from the inside

this is gold okay so this is one of

those

this is real what you’re describing it

sounds like one of those

based on a true story situations where

it’s very loosely based

on it thank you abdominal radiograph

may also be used to rule out toxic

megacolon and perforation

patients may they also typically have a

white

blood cell count that’s that’s elevated

treatment includes discontinuing the

offending antibiotic if possible

metronidazole is a drug of choice but

this cannot be used in infants or

pregnant women

oral vancomycin is used if the patient

is resistant to metronidazole or cannot

tolerate it um regardless of

choice of antibiotic recurrence may

occur within two day weeks after

stopping the antibiotic

this occurs in 15 to 35 percent of

successfully treated patients

cholesteramine

may also be used as an adjuvant

treatment to improve the diarrhea

and there are also other treatments um

there’s the

the the pill that’s known as the

stool transplant that they take fecal

matter from a healthy gut

and make it into a swallowable pill that

you can take

and so that’s um that’s another

possible treatment out there um there’s

eating poop

yeah i mean that’s um that’s more or

less

what’s happening it’s it’s in pill form

you know like for the plastic sort of

the covering but um yeah it’s

uh it’s a very odd thing but that’s

well i mean i guess if we’ll have to

work into the script

so okay so his girlfriend who was hiding

the fact that she was toxic

mega colon right she ends up

pregnant which means she’s a pregnant

woman and

sort of an infant because you’re both

when you’re pregnant

so that’s both of those are bad like you

said

and so the only way to stop her

white blood cells because they’re from

taking over body because they’re

racist because they’re white blood cells

is to eat these poop pills

i you know there’s

you’re con am i close the final

conclusion

is relatively close

um in terms of a treatment option

uh you know let’s you know keep writing

and we’ll just workshop it how about

that

okay because this is due tonight is the

only thing

okay you know we’ll we’ll we’ll try to

work on it wait sorry

who who is it dude who are you writing

it for

sundance and they they said you have to

finish i made a lot of money for a slot

and i’ve got to have sort of like a

trailer and a preview

by tomorrow okay

okay so i the script at least needs to

be done tonight and then

pre-pro and uh

sort of filming needs to happen

tomorrow morning i guess yeah just

squeeze that in don’t you have a

big breakfast planned ooh

yeah that’s going to be tough to try to

squeeze you’ve been sending out those

invites to

everyone oh yeah

well and you rented out the well

i didn’t invite it it’s not i didn’t

invite anyone

i sent out notifications that i am going

to be doing this on this day

yeah well and you said like i didn’t i

didn’t invite people to come

have breakfast with me i was just

letting people know hey i’m gonna have a

huge breakfast

yeah tomorrow okay yeah i get i guess

i’m gonna live stream it

it’s gonna be a twitch thing yeah yeah

well i guess whatever you said you know

free food i guess you just meant for you

yeah because i stole it okay

yeah i guess i guess it’s free for you

okay well um in any case that’s

you know that’s that’s a medical lesson

uh if you want to move move on from

there would that be all right

sure just eat your poop pills

[Music]

cameron normally i would ask do we have

a guest today but i guess

i guess neither of us know but i am

seeing someone here uh hello there my

name is

there’s definitely someone i see the

silhouette of someone standing in the

shadow yeah

well so so my name hello there shadow

figure

my name is dr londonsmith.com and this

is our producer cameron step forward man

step forward good sir i’ll approach all

right i’ll approach

right and uh what was your name hi my

name is uh jimmy french stewart

okay uh nice nice to meet you um are you

are you lost is this uh

i tell you i am lost but i’m not without

a cause

okay if you’re here for the breakfast

thing that’s not till tomorrow

and you’re not invited that’s just a

live stream okay i kind of got

i kind of got the sense of that from the

flyers i saw outside but

i have something that you’re gonna want

to be a part of

so i’m not gonna leave just yet okay

okay okay all right i’m gonna lay my

cards on the table

literally uh yeah okay no i see and you

just gentlemen

yeah yeah i see i bring things i’m not

i’m not one to say

you’re not allowed to be here i’m one to

to just sort of thrust myself

into a situation and assume i am allowed

to be there

yeah okay notice these cards have have

just three letters on them

the letters i guess it’s technically

it’s two letters but one of them is

repeated

in any case sos

okay right see save our ship

you would think that turns out it’s not

trademarked

yet so did you just did you did you like

want

sos and then work backwards from there

pretty much it’s a catchy sort of a

catchy sort of

you know it’s got some move to it it’s

got some flavor

it’s very easy to to signal it

with like shutters on lights on ships

people know what it means that’s free

advertising you know

okay and i thought if i can capitalize

on it

i want to capitalize on it so we’re

gonna be throwing

save our ship out the window so we’ll

just so before we

before we hear what what you’re about to

like

i guess pitch to us so you’re hoping

that

when you see or hear save our ship

people are gonna

conf they’re gonna not think uh

save our ship they’re gonna think your

brand they’re gonna think your product

that’s what you’re hoping for absolutely

okay uh well fine let’s yeah what does

sos stand for

with with your i’m glad you asked

because let’s just let’s just be honest

you know what’s missing

in in medicine these days is

money oh okay yes right

but there needs to be more money yes so

i’m here to talk about

sponsors on scrubs

that’s sos what is what does that mean

sponsors on scrubs yeah you’re talking

about commercials

like doritos a doritos commercial during

the show scrubs the episode of scrubs

cause they

brendon frank that’s been done no that

it sounds

honestly a lot harder than than what i

was actually thinking

my cousin has has a sort of a patch

maker

she’s in all sorts of these arts and

crafts these etsy projects

yeah and and she made me a patch and i

put it on my jacket and i thought

there’s money here she’s already making

money on etsy

but there’s got to be more somewhere and

by patchmaker you’re just talking about

a sewing machine right

100 yeah it’s a singer and i didn’t

always

peddle shady businesses you instantly

jumped to

referring to your own business as shady

we didn’t even call you out or anything

so what what what is it what are we

talking about here this shady business

you’ve got

going on scrubs the clothing

uh-huh those things are so boring that

i agree with you can look dr london

right now is of course wearing his

signature scrubs that he

always wears every day and it’s just

you look at him and it’s like you want

to look away

as quickly as possible and i don’t know

if that’s him

i don’t know if that’s the scrubs i’m

not here to make accusations like that

but something’s off it’s not good even

if you were a plain clothes doctor

if you had some khakis and a nice check

or a houndstooth i still wouldn’t buy it

i used to race cars

looking at me i used to race cars and

i got in a wreck this one time

and as i was lying there just on on the

track

and i could hear them yelling over the

loudspeakers they’re a doctor

is there a doctor people are running

towards me

there’s this guy in unremarkable

clothing and he approached me

and i was like i don’t know you man who

are you would

get those scissors and knives away from

me and my racing buddy

in his in his fireproof suit there i see

coca-cola

there i see pennzoil and i thought i

trust him

because i know what he is and what he

stands for

eventually they restrained me so the

real doctor could actually help me but

you know doctors need some recognition

power so you’re talking about getting

like corporations and stuff to advertise

on doctors exactly

wow that is very interesting and i mean

dr linda this probably speaks to you as

sort of a greedy money-hungry doctor

who is constantly trying to sell out to

pfizer right

so so here’s the no

what you almost said yeah you started

going

it sounds like you worked for or with

nascar and

because of that very specific experience

where you

only trusted people who wore the branded

content or the clothing because of that

experience

you only trust those types and you seem

to think that everyone else

will trust based on the fact that

someone is wearing

you know uh advertisements on their body

does that but i mean i mean dr london

you’re trying to say

like he sees the world in this very

specific way and that’s true but that

doesn’t mean that it couldn’t also be

beneficial

for other people to see the world that

way even though we don’t because we

don’t have that nascar experience

okay yeah i didn’t um maybe be a little

more open-minded about it he doesn’t he

make a good point that

knowing who who who you support

knowing who is uh propping you up and

having that just be

be up front might kind of be useful

information

to know that you’re bought by pfizer and

coca-cola

that’s why you tell every single patient

that the only cure for cancer is coke

i feel like you’re you’re paraphrasing a

whole

lot let me pause one question okay

have you ever opened a can of peanuts

[Music]

and wow i do i need to go on

there’s trust in a can of peanuts

you know what you’re gonna get yes

snakes

everywhere you can reliably expect there

to be snakes every single time which

we’re trying to tell you dr

london on april 1st if people start

offering you peanuts in a can stop

stop accepting it well no it’s it’s

peanuts and i can

it’s not snakes

there’s no you’re not going to be able

to explain this to dr london i’m really

sorry he’s not going to understand

bad metaphor analogy you know what yeah

it’s what’s what’s worrying to me

is like these are live snakes

and there’s something to be said for

animal cruelty being an issue there like

people

there’s something to be said just say it

you don’t have to talk about it

what could be said about it just you

could be the one saying i think it is

cruel

to put snakes into these

peanut cans whether or not you’re going

to give them to anyone

and deceive that person

time and again over and over

so i

well then it sounds like you can you can

look at these pranks as sort of a

positive thing you’re a hero

by opening up the can of snakes but i

i feel like i’m also the inspiration for

the the original canning and that just

comes down to

a sort of chicken versus egg kind of

thing who would win

the snake exactly yeah

okay yes the snake would win but this is

all beside the point

so how how can we like

i mean we know this is a shady business

i’m kind of curious

what makes it shady like it doesn’t

really sound like there’s any shadiness

going on i mean

yeah you said you’re an honest guy can

you explain what you meant by

shady i guess it’s just this is going to

be based out of florida

and it’s kind of in their bylaws

that for a business license

that’s one of the requirements it must

be somewhat suspect

it can’t pass muster one hundred percent

okay so it’s at least a little shady

just

for legal reasons oh i’ll concede we’re

trashy at best

okay so so so one other thing i should

point out is

you know if you go to a hospital a lot

of things in the hospital

will have the you know

a logo on it a name of you know whatever

pharmaceutical company or supplier

so so that part’s already there you’re

just saying to

to branch out beyond hospital

or medical things and to have your

your coca-cola companies your pepsis

well

it sounds like he’s trying to put money

in your pocket as the doctor

yes right the logos are around the

hospital so if you’re not making money

off of that

no that’s true how does the how does the

payment system work how does dr london

get paid for doing this let’s say

let’s say um i don’t know the poop

who’s the major poop pill manufacturer

you might have to look that up um i mean

let’s just say yamaha because yamaha

does like you know they do everything

from pianos to motorcycles

to poop pills music equipment so yeah

we’ll just we’re just gonna

say yamaha is is paying

to have their logo on dr london’s scrubs

as a hypothetical how much is dr london

getting from that

he gets about 10 but okay so so

these companies are dr london’s getting

10

so the other 90 is going to you i would

say that’s kind of shady because it

doesn’t really sound like you’re doing

anything

oh you’re bringing the idea to people

yeah you’re bringing the idea to doctors

and then

it sort of seems like and the patch

a pyramid scheme kind of thing yeah

that’s true your sister’s

sewing machine i guess this part of it

and i guess that maybe is deserving of

90

of the revenue i’m not sure because she

needs thread

okay yeah that i don’t know what else

she needs thread and it’s

nicely expensive but i mean have do you

have success stories like have any

doctors signed up to this already

or there’s a guy he has his face on a

bench

uh he’s dr riggs

okay out of sarasota okay

he doesn’t you notice i didn’t add any

letters after his name

md nothing like that uh

i am not he makes a good barbecue i’m

not actually sure he’s a licensed

medication

yeah a dr dre or a dr pepper kind of

right he’s a celebrity doctor yeah in

sarasota

a doctor phil a doctor london a dr

scholes

so you say that that his face is on a

bench you didn’t say that

that that was you were you involved in

putting his face on a bench are you just

saying that that’s similar too

yeah i guess that’s true we asked for

like a success story and you just kind

of mentioned his name

yeah we’ve we’ve talked about it uh

okay but uh so he hasn’t signed up so no

one’s

signed up is what i’m still looking i’m

i’m still looking for that uh

you know i’m hunting for the big fish

i’m not gonna fish for a fish i’m

hunting for a fish because i take this

seriously

and are you and your sister finding

these sponsors or is that also

dr london’s responsibility oh we’ve got

that covered we’re sending instagram

messages

all day every day okay that is the best

way i think this is

i think this is a great idea yeah puts a

little beer money in your pocket dr

london

well so i do have i you’re you’re just

turning on your

your patience onto cool products like

buffalo wild wings

or maybe cutco knives so what if we did

you know instead of you know forcing the

unethical part under the doctors

maybe your business may we need to maybe

give you tips on how to be less ethical

so that you’re shady enough to pass

muster in florida okay

yeah rub some dirt on me rough me up a

bit

it sounds like that’s really the only

part that you’re struggling with

with this business model and cameron you

can you can help out here as well

how do we make this shadier well i mean

first things first let’s sign you up for

this you’re on board now

i you know as long as they don’t

okay okay we’ll we’ll just we’ll say

sure for now yeah and in terms of um

shadiness i would say maybe start

donating

half your money to some sort of

i don’t know like right wing

organization

oh like a house of rich boys something

like that

i mean if you’re not needy people yeah i

would i would say

just any extremist well and i

this is a thing where i can’t actually

advise that because i would be against

it but

we’re one to try to make their business

shady

then highly associating with shady

people

is a great method of doing so there’s a

lot of weird people with their faces on

benches

where i’m from uh what if half of your

income

went to companies like raytheon or

halliburton companies that

don’t take donations because they’re

private contractors

but you just you are sending them you’re

cold-calling them essentially with

buckets of cash

you know being sent towards these like

private military contractors

yeah these

i like bold action so that’s that that

exciting so yeah

i would say if half of your income was

sent as unsolicited donations to

weapons manufacturers and private

uh military corporations i think that

would be really cool

and go a long way for your reputation

oh yeah i can imagine

the uh the the sunday brunches now we

don’t do dinner parties so much around

here but just sunday brunches a lot

and the elbows all be rubbing

when i’m slinging cash that these people

will nil

oh yeah both will and nil

yeah okay yeah i i really think we got

you kind of

set up here as as a real legitimate

and you know less legitimate as well you

know for the sake of yes

working in florida um well i mean i do

gotta ask what

like it sounds like you’ve pivoted away

from being a race car driver entirely

does that mean

you were terrible at it or was the

injury so bad that you couldn’t

race anymore or what happened there

something changed

in me uh it was my organs that kind of

got rearranged

as a result of the accident okay so not

something changed emotionally something

something physically changed inside okay

and

and now i just can’t handle it i got to

stop and and

otherwise my guts just

they get all they get all angry i’m

sorry to hear that yeah and you know

if people you know endure enough

injuries and that alpha easily happens

post surgery as well

you know there are these adhesions that

can form with your organs bouncing

around and

uh it can it can cause some you know

some real mechanical disruption in your

and you got but in any case um

i i i feel like we we’ve come to kind of

a conclusion here which is important

because

we have chores to do

and it you know if you don’t mind being

a part of it we just

you’ve helped me i’ll help you to some

extent

the guts again the guts kind of prevent

me from doing some things but

i’ll do what i can so the chore wheel is

basically

uh for a really long time dr london and

i neglected

all of our chores we built this chore

wheel that we spin

and whatever it lands on that is the

chore we have to do today

there’s no backing out even if we don’t

want to do it so

do we want to give this baby a baby spin

stuart would you like to spin it all

right if you insist i’ll i’ll go for it

all right all right here goes nothing

oh no okay i was hoping this it wouldn’t

land on

like this is really

this is a difficult one um so the chore

is to share the april fool’s prank

you have planned and i i hate saying

those words

but it is on the chore wheel there’s so

much glass on the floor that i i really

wish it was

it was sweeping or vacuuming or anything

um

just just even picking up the glass just

something related to

anything yes because it’s it hurts so

much

so we’re just supposed to to talk about

the pranks that we’re planning

yeah well it’s just it only says prank

so

singular which prank you have planned

but i

guess if you have a few put together

yeah so i mean obviously um because my

i come from a family of married

pranksters

um there’s there’s a lot of different

things going on but i’m not gonna reveal

a lot of them because

you know spoiler alert the target of a

lot of these pranks is in this room

right now

so mr stewart

okay yeah yep kind of need to do to a

guest but all right

he he yeah um but i can you know i can

reveal

one of them um because this one’s not

directed towards

you dr london this is or our guest

this is directed towards uh my cousin

and i’m you know what i’m gonna do i’m

gonna steal his wife

oh is it is that a metaphor

no i’m gonna break up their marriage

okay

not even it’s a classic in florida i

tell you yeah it’s like i mean that’s a

classic

prank think about like the look on his

face when he realizes that like i ruined

his

marriage as like a bit yeah it

has devastated his life that’s it

yeah so i guess it’s time for my prank

and well it’s

you know i as you know i don’t really

like this holiday it i feel like you

know i’ve been victimized quite a bit by

it

uh but you know i i’m trying to keep my

hands out of it my family

you know i’ve even protested a little

bit against it but

my family does have this little thing

for um

you know cameron has some family members

and i have i have family that has

uh sort of a lot of drums of gasoline

and uh some some fire

starting material and uh so there’s some

rumor of some plan

to uh to to prank

a house so that’s

you know i i don’t want to share any

more i don’t really oh yeah

kind of listen up to all the family

affairs uh but i

you know i don’t know it sounds fun

i think they said something sounds like

it’s gonna be a pretty fun day to me

yeah

they said something about a bonfire and

i’m like well you know it’s

uh sure i guess wow so

should should i share as well yes yes

please yes yeah please do it

i guess it could affect people in this

room it could affect anyone who comes

within

arm’s length of me i have a boa

constrictor

and i’m just planning on going around on

on the day of fools

and and saying hey does anyone does

anyone want to feel this

and when they go like i’m i want to be

very careful there’s no innuendo here

does anyone want to touch the snake and

when they do

i’ve trained him he’s just gonna start

vomiting peanuts

whoa it’s like the opposite

okay this is you know it’s sort of

lampshading

the whole peanut can snake situation

it’s probably the best idea i’ve

actually ever had

to be honest now that i think about it

this might be

i might prefer this except for the fact

that you know i don’t know how you

induce the vomiting but

you know aside from that this sounds

like a

ticklish a welcome change from the usual

oh you just tickle your snake and then

he throws up

no inuit okay no innuendo there

very specifically okay well

um man that is a good prank

uh all right well i feel like we’ve

we’ve done this chore

hopefully next week there will be

something about vacuuming or cleaning

because

it’s it’s so bad yeah so thank you to

our guest uh

mr jimmy french stewart for coming on uh

is there any way mr stewart for people

to keep up with you after this

well actually uh a dear friend of mine

hosts a podcast called reviewparty.com

it’s the only podcast that reviews

internet reviews allegedly

and sometimes i i sit in the room while

he’s recording and try and crack jokes

so you can check that out if you’re into

people cracking jokes

any way to hear from that on social

media or anything

you can find that at reviewparty.com on

instagram

and you can find it wherever podcasts

are found

if you happen to see it on a bench let

us know

okay because i’ll talk to my friend

about that and and he’ll be real

confused once again thank you for being

on and

we’ll have to look at that podcast thank

you to

our producer cameron thank you to

DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

there’s trust in a can of peanuts

you know what you’re gonna get

[Music]

snakes everywhere

[Music]

my name is dr londonsmith.com and this

has been

the jock doc podcast see ya

93. Ogilvie Syndrome/Dr. Tim Kimble (feat. Ryan Boyd)

hey kids you’re about to listen to

comedy podcasts that means that none of

this is medical advice if you need

medical advice or medical care please

contact your doctor

welcome to the jock doc podcast

featuring

dr london smith the only podcast

bold enough to take a stand and

definitively say

we do not support the coronavirus nope

in fact i think we’d all be better off

if it didn’t exist introducing

your host dr london smith

hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast where we discuss fitness and

health

and how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring

i’m your host dr londonsmith.com

i’d like to begin by apologizing to our

listeners

we’ve received some feedback about the

excessive amount of technical medical

terminology that i’ve been using such as

fully vaccinated and spicy meatball

so i will try to temper my terminology

to a simpler one in the future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron hey dr london i’m glad you uh

were able to catch me i’ve been so busy

lately that i

you know it’s been hard to even find

time to schedule a podcast recording

business has been booming dr london yes

like it’s been

really hard to to catch you like and

physically too like i’ll see you running

by

and i like i’ll run out and i’ll catch

your your jacket but you’ll keep

running get out of the jacket and leave

it in my hands

that’s because before you try to text me

or call me you try to

you know physically capture me which you

don’t have to do

because you called me right after that

and i i answered

yeah well but definitely don’t chase me

like why is that

why is that your go-to form of

communication well it was just so hard

to get in contact with you

so i had to call you so like it so if

calling is that big of a problem then

just let me catch you you know what i

mean

no no no no please you know what you can

catch me that’s fine but regardless

business is booming dr london okay yeah

you said

so this is unrelated to the podcast or

is this

i mean it’s sort of related because it’s

health related okay

do you want me to say i mean is this i

mean do i have to pay

as like a sponsor or something like that

i guess it depends

um but but i guess go ahead and we’ll

we’ll see about

if you need to pay i guess

i’ve been able to register my dog house

like with an llc and it is now a

drive-through vaccination center

and you’re trying to get you’re trying

to advertise it yeah i mean i’m trying

to get people to come out there you know

we’ve got great deals we’ve got

coupons going on well you know it’s the

vaccine’s been

free assuming you’re talking about the

you know the coronavirus vaccine that’s

been a free thing

no no no no no no no no no i did not say

anything about covet that’s what you

said

okay so sorry uh i guess that begs the

question what

you know what type of vaccination

it’s just i mean it’s just whatever

vaccine you need it’s a store

okay so you have say like you’re asking

you’re asking like the ice cream man

like hey what what ice cream do you have

and he’s like well i’ve got a hundred

different kinds i mean

okay it’s just whatever you’re looking

for like do you have

let’s say the measles do you have let’s

say

like an itchy foot or um

maybe you have like hot tongue you know

when your tongue is so hot that every

time you touch it

you burn yourself one of the things you

said is real

and also covid19

you when you have you have cove at 19 or

you have because that’s

that’s an infected person that’s a covet

19

that’s an infection so are you saying

you have a

sars no no no covey ii i’m saying i have

the covid i have the cova vaccine as

part of my vaccines as well

and also my dog has coven 19. okay

that’s why i was able to use the

doghouse for this

oh so the dog let you in because of that

the dog is so sick that he didn’t have

an opinion basically okay

so i get but regardless i mean it’s like

what like what what’s alenia dr london

do you want me to get uh

i can mix mix up a vaccine for you well

so i’m fully vaccinated so i’m you know

against

whatever hepatitis uh yeah but i mean do

you have a headache or something

like what like i mean because basically

all i’m doing is

i’m mixing up whatever the opposite is

of whatever you’re sick with

so like what’s the opposite of a

headache oh you’re asking me i

uh yeah maybe like a pillow

i i mean i guess a dark room

can be alleviated it depends on the

cause of the headache is really the

answer

so so i would say like a pillow

is the opposite of a headache and so

what would you do with that well i mean

pillows doesn’t have any liquid

form to it no but the sweat on it does

dr london

so you just squeeze it out and then that

is your vaccine and then you just go

inject it okay for two and only for two

hundred dollars

and so so you’re injecting sweat

into a person and charging them

calling that a vaccine against headaches

have you

yes and you’ve been approved by the

government

as a vaccination side oh yeah absolutely

yeah yeah i mean i was at the

the like main fda guy’s house the other

day

because we’re in the same like like

pickup basketball league at the y

yeah you’ve talked about him are you

sure that

see i’m doubting the legitimacy of this

and maybe this guy

was just lying to you to maybe sound

impressive

or relevant yeah i mean why would he

sign all the

like he had so much legal documentation

yeah

i had to register this register this as

a business doctor

yeah yeah your dog has i there was a

health inspector

i mean so i feel like there’s

there’s so much more to this tons of red

tape okay

so sony with that that’s our producer

cameron um also with us is DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

[Music]

vaccine

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

vaccine when you have vaccines when you

have vaccine

when you have the vaccine when you have

[Music]

vaccines

my dog has covered 19.

my dog has covered 19.

when you have vaccines when you have

vaccines

[Music]

brand new

and later cameron tells me we can expect

a special guest

so um that’s right dr london

what’s the opposite of like uh of like a

like

like a chick-fil-a stomach ache you know

with chick-fil-a stomach ache where it’s

like

it’s not like a mcdonald’s stomach ache

where it’s really in the pit

of your gut it’s more flavorful and it’s

more on the outside

talking about from the like the gas from

the belching

yeah so what would the opposite of that

be so i can inject that into myself

uh i’m you know i’m not

i’m really not sure about your

methodology but but before we move on

you think pepper no i think pepper

okay let me just try well let me try it

and then if it doesn’t work it doesn’t

work

i’ll go ahead so um you know i’d like to

address a bit of listener feedback real

quick

so um usually our listeners

contact me through various writing

patterns and newspaper columns or

through license plate

letters and numbers but this one

actually tagged us

via a social media post which you know

just to clarify for our listeners we

we i don’t know how we even got a hold

of that that’s so

out there um but anyway so

this note comes from instagram user the

pod shop

underscore

and the note reads quote jock doc

podcast

83 hypertension scott pinchuk

entertaining

but not my favorite jock doc’s goal is

to combine

improv comedy and medical education to

me this combo was funny at times but

occasionally came across as a little

forced

if you’re someone who has desperately

been looking for a merger of

the drive with peter atya and

if i were you then this show could be

perfect for you

two stars end quote

so first of all i would like to thank

you so much for your insightful review

of the jock doc podcast

yeah that was great yeah so um i mean

well first of all it’s

it’s glowing to be told that

our show sounds forced because that

sounds like we’ve put

some sort of effort into it and we are

trying to accomplish something yeah

so which is so far from the truth well i

would like to clarify the one point that

they they talk about

comedy this is a medical education

podcast and we don’t

you know any of the we don’t we try to

take away all the fluff this is all

just the goods so to speak um

maybe by force he meant like over

prepared like your medical lessons maybe

he wants you to just sort of be off the

cuff when talking about medicine

okay yeah make it like i don’t need to

look this up okay

or just guess a lot more you know yeah

so um

so one one thing i do want to point out

so i distinctly remember in that

particular episode i left very specific

instructions

at the end of it with regard to how many

stars you’re supposed to give

a review of the jock doc podcast um and

so that’s really where i feel like the

problem

is with this review like i i loved it i

was glowing you know people are always

telling us about the drive with peter

eddia

and saying that’s a podcast that we know

and that you would know and if i were

you

another podcast oh yeah that it’s just

constantly on it’s just constantly on

the background

and people are always like uh i don’t

know about you know comedy bang bang or

any of that but but i’ve definitely

heard of the drive with peter radio and

if i were you

so so definitely those parts super

relevant but

you gave it two stars and that’s the

part that doesn’t make sense to me

because we don’t uh usually acknowledge

those

we’ve never had one of those that few of

stars it doesn’t make sense to me so

just to clarify and i’m sure this was

just a misunderstanding a mistake on

your part

go ahead and put five stars on your

review before you

um offer your glowing

uh insights you know let’s be a little

kind here dr london

this could be a person who is does not

know how to count beyond the number two

okay and we don’t wanna we don’t wanna

talk down to that or discriminate

or you know make that person feel

awkward in any

way but maybe we could teach him so

there so there’s a star

right after that one and do you want to

describe it dr london yeah yeah

and you know what we should take a

minute to um

yeah i should apologize i’m gonna

apologize right now uh you know there

are certain people with

um who are differently abled who maybe

aren’t um

as as perceptive on some issues and so i

should have

i should have taken into account that

their the number of stars can be

but maybe they’re incapable of knowing

that there are five stars instead of and

so

the third star which i believe is what

you’re referring to cameron so that

one’s to the

uh if you go if left and right you can

hold up your hand

and so on the the left hand will look

like an l

there is no way that the person you’re

talking about

knows what the left hand is no way said

that

we we might have to we might have to

like create an entire

separate podcast for this subject like

breaking down the basics

maybe as like maybe that could be a

patreon thing we could we break down

medical basics to our listeners like the

number four

yeah no that’s that’s about so i guess

just

um just because they were obviously

confused on this especially if you look

at some of their reviews before that one

where

it was four and five stars only wow

you know i they were obviously confused

and you know

just i’m so privileged to be paired with

the drive

with peter eddia and if i were you

because those are both once again very

popular

well known um to to our listener base

so um thank you to this to this uh

instagram account i i think that’s how

you or instagram however you say it

i i’m very new to this we don’t normally

get feedback through these

path uh channels so that’s uh

anyway thank you for listening and uh

just you know

once again if you’re gonna leave a

review then take the time to educate

yourself on how to leave a proper one

would be my advice for the future

[Music]

and once again at the beginning of your

review you say

jock doc’s goal is to blah blah blah

blah

and then you later later say comes

across as forced

there is no there is just nothing being

put into this at all

except for dr london reads a wikipedia

page

basically probably i’ve never seen him

do that process but i just assume that’s

what it is

yeah and you know to be fair but thank

you so much that is such a high review

to even assume that we have

some sort of goal or have just any idea

where what the next like five words out

of my mouth are gonna be

i was counting when you just said that

and uh yeah i was surprised

on those words i’m all i’m constantly

but surprised by it

sometimes i’ll get to word four and then

i’m like god i hope that

this next one makes sense anyway

uh so so once again thank you to that

listener uh but now it’s time for

today’s medical topic

ogilvy syndrome ogilvy syndrome

is an unusual problem in which signs

symptoms and radiographic evidence of

large bowel obstruction are

present but there’s no mechanical

obstruction so

basically the intestines are acting like

there is a kink in the plumbing or a

clog

but no imaging will show it common

causes include recent surgery or trauma

uh serious medical and this is like your

mom or something

no which which part of that who’s who

who are we talking about who who has

this

the sickness this is a well this is a

medical lesson

based on so this will be a hypothetical

patient that you might encounter

that’s the idea but so then this is

you’re like your mom or something she

has to be so sick

because like you keep talking about her

every single week

and how ill she is like it’s like she

has something new every single week

no so she so so my mom is no she doesn’t

have

i don’t believe she has any of what

we’ve discussed so far uh

now this is all about um

we so kevin every week we we bring up a

medical topic

and we we talk about it that has to be a

hipaa violation

to break down in great detail

your mother’s many illnesses i assume

without her permission

that i that has to be a hipaa violation

and she must be the sickest person on

earth

yeah so once again it’s not really

hurting whatever you can just continue

on with your description of your mom’s

illnesses

so common causes include recent surgery

or trauma serious

medical illnesses such as sepsis and

malignancy and medications like

narcotics psychotropic drugs

and anticholinergics the diagnosis

cannot be confirmed until mechanical

obstruction of the colon is excluded

uh treatment consists of stopping and

the offending agent

that can slow down digestion that that

includes like narcotics you know opioids

that kind of thing

and uh giving supportive measures oh

so you’re is your so your mom i mean is

she like

like heroin no she like into oxy

no no once again this is not i’m not

talking about my mom here this is

sort of just sort of a patient that you

might run into

but um it’s okay it’s an epidemic like

it’s a legitimate concern it’s not even

something to make light up

yeah and i know it’s i mean it’s okay

relatively speaking but once again it’s

uh so it was so you can also give

supportive measures such as iv

fluids and electrolyte depletion uh

decompression with gentle enemas or

nasal gastric suction may be helpful

colonic decompression is usually

successful if those

earlier measures fail and surgical

decompression with

c-costomy or colostomy is a last resort

don’t and honestly even if it is

successful she has at least

90 other things going on because we’re

in episode 90 whatever now yeah yeah 93

so

and so it’s like you cure that one thing

but it’s like you’re not even there’s so

much

else like why even why focus on this

yeah admittedly this is more of um

just just things aren’t aren’t moving

uh in the digestive tract that it says

that’s it’s not my mom but hey we can we

can move on from there if that’s all

right

sure sure

[Music]

all right uh cameron you said that we

have a guest for us today is that right

that’s right dr london and look i’m not

gonna try to

hype up this guest too much dr london

okay

but let me just say that i would choose

this guess over the one and only

shaquille o’neal i’m just saying well

that’s we’ve

we’ve talked about this and you know i

told you that there is no guest that

will replace

shaq like that’s that’s a policy of

like we’ve we’ve signed paperwork over

this that that’s

okay well then this this guest is second

to

shaq can we say that at least but now i

feel like i’m i’m

offending our guest hi hi nice to meet

you hello

hi how’s uh how’s how’s it how’s it

going uh even though i’m even though i’m

not uh shaquille o’neal

but second to shaquille o’neal is pretty

good

i am so sorry dr london has this

just fixation with shaquille o’neal

being the number one guest

who he’s he has not been a guest on this

show yet not yet but if people ask who

who’s the biggest guest you’ve had he

said he says well shaq because he says

he’s like planning a place yeah he’s

like setting it aside

putting out a plate of food for your

friend who’s not there yet

you know well naming shaq as a potential

guest i think is you

uh dr london manifesting uh

shaquille o’neal a cultural icon and

athlete

to be on your show just by speaking it

thank you

now um you know before we move on i i

should say uh my name is dr

londonsmith.com and this is our producer

cameron and what was your name

uh i’m uh dr tim kimball uh and i

am a uh an approved medical specialist

and spiritual advisor approved by whom

uh a higher authority than me um

it’s the fda wow okay yeah so

normally i i i guess you know there’s no

need to clarify

further but you don’t you don’t have to

say

introduce the fda as the higher

authority than you most people recognize

it as a

okay dr london i’m sorry that someone

has actual respect for the industry that

they’re in i know

you don’t but it sounds like our guest

is just honoring the fda as they’re

supposed to be

a healthy i live in fear of the fda in

the moment that they turned their

unblinking eye upon me and my practice

because the thing is that at the fda

they are

kind of set in their ways and they’re

not necessarily

prepared to embrace a new way of

thinking yeah

and like you kind of know when their

eyes are on you because they have sort

of a lord of the rings

sauron’s eye type of situation going on

yeah

um so you can yeah which is i mean

thankfully

you know hey thanks for letting us know

that you’re watching but a

little creepy uh i you know i think of

it less as being creepy and more just

being interested i think the fda has

a lot to to tell us in our lives and you

know if i can feel

their gaze upon me and i can feel the

hairs on the back of my neck standing up

i feel like i’m part of a community you

know you know what that is

so true i actually i thought sort of

that similar thing about you know edward

snowden years ago people were like oh it

was so great he told us about

you know the nsa reading all our texts

and all these things and it’s like okay

but somebody cares like isn’t that more

important oh hey somebody cares about me

enough to read my text and listen to my

phone calls well exactly and like know

who my mom

is well exactly when you have a new idea

you know you want somebody at the fda

who

you know can maybe uh you know shift

their perspective a little bit and

think outside uh the box

exactly yeah so and i mean we’re we’re

off topic here i i’m sorry i was on my

nsa radio again about how we should love

them

yeah you’re always going out about the

nsa and you’re always writing love

letters to the nsa

and um oh that’s nice taking pictures

that’s neither here nor there that

you know this has nothing to do with

medicine i am sorry for taking us down

that

that rabbit trail but dr dr kimball what

are you here

uh to talk to us about today well i am

here today because i

uh have a revolutionary uh new system uh

wellness system that i wanted to tell

you about it’s called the orb cleanse

and it’s a holistic lifestyle change

that will cleanse

not only your body physically but

spiritually as well

okay i is there there a possibility that

it could also

clean my shoes because they’re just

covered in [ __ ]

right now if applied correctly why are

your shoes uh covered in [ __ ]

i stepped in i mean like i stepped in oh

it was so you walked in it

no you yeah well you you walked in it

and then you started scooping with it

with your shoe

you got excited and i don’t

like i know looking back now you’re kind

of disappointed in yourself but

you know you you dug a big you dug a lot

of it it was a big mound but you dug a

lot of it out

i i don’t i don’t even understand what

you’re

what you’re trying to say yes well

you’re trying to achieve something

well yeah so i’m just sorry

to break it down a little bit so

whenever so i don’t think it needs to be

broken down

we i just want my shoes to not have all

the stuff on it

or in it yeah okay yeah sorry yeah uh

okay so i guess can the orb

and in my socks and stuff clean and i

guess shovel

out the the excrement well the orb

can’t shovel excrement as far as i’m

aware i mean you could

use several of the orbs to uh cover it

now the orb cleanse um is primarily

marble based um what the thing that you

need to do

is uh consume as many beautiful

beautiful glass marbles as possible and

just

fill your body with them because your

insides are so

dark and glass reflec refracts the light

and if you get enough of them down in

there you will be full of sunshine

huh so so you’re

are you saying to swallow marbles well

dr london there

he described them the material is marble

but i mean they’re they’re orbs

yes glass orbs and you swallow as many

of them as possible

physically with your body you consume

them and are these just any old glass

orbs

or i mean have you have you like

instilled some sort of spell on them or

something

or dipped them in some liquid of some

sort or something

you know that’s the thing uh uh here uh

i

have actually some branded uh limited

edition

uh glass marbles uh from uh

from the orb cleanse now you’re going to

want to get as many of these down as

possible

and then the healing can begin the

moment you start

only marbles okay this is a full marble

diet

okay yeah i mean this is great could i

get

one or like a bunch of them in a cone do

you have any cones

i do have a cone but the cone is also

orbs

oh okay well then i’ll just take a bowl

because i mean dr ellen do you want to

get in on this

no so so swallowing glass

is generally inadvisable like that’s

you said you’re approved by the fda

conditionally approved by the fda

because i told them that i would send

them a proposal but it’s basically in

the bag like the fda

they respond to good faith effort and if

they know

that you know i’m on i’m on the level

with them and i’m positive and i’m

trying to make a change

i’m basically approved by the fda so

and and so the food and drug

administration usually

you know they’re they’re supposed to be

approving a a

drug or you know a lifestyle change

something based on you know uh

clinical trials on proven efficacy

so could you tell us how well we if

something was usually like a gut

you know okay so i really i really

couldn’t tell you said there

cameron

how many how many was in a bowl how many

did i just oh you just

slammed about five marbles um so that is

a great start uh i think that

that’s cool you know i’m sure that and

you can already feel the change inside

your body right

oh gosh i mean it’s like i’m almost so

overwhelmed with some sort of feeling

that it’s like

i can barely even breathe like it’s like

it’s like

overwhelming me i know what you mean i

am actually full of and i don’t mean to

brag about this but i am full of 10

000 glass marbles i haven’t had any food

in days

and oh wow you know my insides like i’ve

got my electrolytes

so right it’s so bright inside my body

listen

uh dr london.com you don’t know what

your guts look like like you haven’t

been able to look in there and there’s

so much

darkness and like why well it’s so

you can you know have a look in there

like they have

they now have the ability to stick a

camera down into your stomach and

actually take a look

that’s or from the other direction they

can do a

you know uh colonoscopy and look up the

other end so it’s

so when you say that it’s all dark and

you never know

i i can’t open so so are you a doctor of

what are you doctor of uh i mean what

are you what are you

real quick though but dr london it is

dark in there right like what are you

even trying to argue

okay well i guess yeah that’s are you

saying it’s not dark in the gut

i’m sorry you do have me on this one uh

no it is it is dark inside there is a

light attached to the camera whenever

they send it in

but so even by your own admission

dr london it is dark within the gut

you know what i’m sorry i’ll give the

floor then because that’s i

i suppose i was arguing a feudal point

um but uh if you if you could go ahead

and explain to us a little bit about

you know i’m suspecting that maybe you

aren’t

a conventional medical doctor dr kimball

well the thing is that i’m a professor

of foodology and

curative medicines and so if you

take the marbles into your body you know

you’ve got a lot of light bouncing

around

uh you know at that point they’re like

little doctors you can eat

i don’t even need to be a doctor because

the marbles themselves i mean

you know the proof is in how your body

feels after you’ve consumed

at least a few dozen marbles and you can

really see a big change happening

one also like doctor if people agree to

call you doctor then you’re a doctor

like that’s one of those things people

don’t understand that they go to school

and they get a degree in it

and it’s like okay but if you just

convince everyone in the world to call

you doctor

that functionally is the exact same am i

right you know

you know it’s like that thing where you

shouldn’t put in your twitter bio that

you’re an aspiring writer

just say that you’re a writer you know

and if you’re a doctor

you’re a doctor like nobody can tell you

that you’re not a doctor as long as you

practice

medicine well or you know if you put in

the time and you earn

your doctorate degree is actually sort

of

the conventional method

dr london.com i’m really disappointed in

this kind of gatekeeping

ooh

[Music]

denied i well it just doesn’t seem very

ethical like i get that

you know that that’s a term that’s

applied to people you know can’t get

into the industry unless they are

already

you know however high up the thing is

doctors

earn their way through by earning their

doctoral degree

and then um you know and it’s more just

a level of

knowledge base that you’re working with

uh

though i can understand that it could be

frustrating i i feel like i feel like we

are getting off that point yeah well how

is this relevant to our guests we know

how school works i don’t understand what

you’re

yeah so uh anyway back to the back to

the marbles is it

i like i’m trying to see something here

so they’re glass

do you get are these marbles that you

just get from wherever

um well if you can’t uh afford

the uh orb cleanse branded marbles you

can just find a bunch of glass items

generally

glass flowers glass paper weights you

know like a really fancy snow globe if

you hammer at it for a little bit

it’s primarily about filling your body

uh with as much glass as possible

and you know at that point

you know if your body is that full of it

and you haven’t been to the bathroom in

a few days and

you know you’re starting to panic and

you’re like whoa like why isn’t anything

happening

that’s because there aren’t any more

toxins in the body

that are going to leave your body

because the glass has cleaned it all up

now

what would you think about little glass

figurines

is that something that could be consumed

oh definitely it would well it would

depend

the glass figurines couldn’t be of

anybody who has bad energy like a

war criminal or or some kind of a demon

what about are there any animals that

are off limits that maybe they’re too

mean

the american condor the american condor

is off limits and nobody should ever

consume the american condor’s body

either in effigy or in whole

nope i’m sorry i clearly brought up a

tough subject your tone

got changed we we can move on from that

no no it’s fine it’s fine it’s fine um

but no

so you know so if you have a glass

statue

is it it’s specifically the american

condor

that’s correct other kinds of condors

pretty much okay i just

i’m sorry uh the american condor we have

you know the american condor knows what

it did if you have a glass figurine of

the american condor

i think you should know that you have

something really problematic and i think

you should examine that

so wow doctor london are you hearing

this

do you have a hat do you have a glass

figurine if you have condor

yeah i mean i i mean it’s a small

collection

it’s not even a big collection but okay

okay well yeah i mean it must be pretty

small if you’re gonna swallow them

because that’s what we’re doing yeah

well

i would say individually they’re they’re

small and then i’ve also got it

i it just it’s just strange that this is

what you happen to bring up because i’ve

for years i’ve been collecting small

american condor glass figurines and i

didn’t

uh i like i never saw a problem with it

and

it’s what so you’re a real condor head

well i guess my question is you know why

well like i know you said it knows what

it did but maybe

you know this is sort of a public space

like maybe you could air out this

grievance

a little bit because maybe maybe there’s

something to be learned like i’ve

developed this

this affection this affinity for them

and i you know maybe there’s a

misunderstanding

i guess is what i’m saying i mean you

know that’s the thing about uh

toxic presences is that they can kind of

lure you in and you know make you

feel really good when you look at them

and think about them and you know touch

their feathers

and well i don’t know like that’s how

they that’s how they draw you in

but always you know some traits are

going to come out that are pretty bad

and so

i don’t know the american condor we we

have a history

and it’s not something that i’m proud of

but

i actually went into business uh

harvesting glass marbles from the body

of an american condor that uh their body

was just full of them

and they’re inside me now oh we’re there

did you did you have an american condor

as a pet

no no no no as a business partner um

they were

they were an important and instrumental

part in getting me into pop medicine in

the first place

okay yeah and so i mean it sounds like

your your business partner here was

testing out

your own medical

theology and passed away from it

uh it was actually uh dead uh before

the glass marbles got in there because

it didn’t have enough glass marbles

and so you know and the problem is that

when i took those marbles into my body

i could feel myself changing

in a way that i think is going to be

really positive

yeah i mean i’m feeling something right

now like going on my stomach i can even

like jiggle around a little bit and feel

it moving around it’s

kind of crazy yeah yeah although you’re

and i feel

stronger is that part of it like i can

punch harder it definitely is but you’re

gonna want to keep in mind uh

if you get knocked down or um sit too

hard in a chair

or like a like a little kid runs and

jumps into your arms

um it’s it’s it’s bad it’s

it’s like uh the chandelier from phantom

of the opera it’s

it’s just gonna go everywhere um so

you’re gonna wanna

um it’s kind of like the little girl in

chandelier by sia

because she’s dancing everywhere exactly

like the little girl from chandelier by

sia and so you’re going to want to be

it’s also like the chandelier in um hold

on there’s another

there’s another uh not footloose no no i

got i got this uh

stop any momentum so you can think of a

chandelier

in robinhood menin’s heights there’s a

oh that’s fair

there’s a chandelier scene as well so

and that that

that one falls uh and scatters some

it hits someone i think oh yeah so yeah

cool so thanks for stopping the show for

that dr

london no no that was all kind of stream

of thought we were all bringing up

examples of chandeliers we knew

yeah yeah anyway we’re just we’re just

like the chandelier and haunting of hill

house

go ahead doctor yeah no you guys are

right on the money it would be like a

big chandelier

going everywhere if if you if you jostle

your uh cheerful insides a little bit

too much

oh yeah like when you cut the rope and

in that movie i referenced

it so we’re on the same page i guess is

what i’m trying to say and i get the

reference

oh completely on the same page yeah so

one thing that

i found to be sort of odd about what

you’re describing

um have you felt like there’s been uh

sort of you mentioned you know going to

some time without using the restroom uh

without without defecating uh so so

normally our

our medical lessons don’t always

coincide with

the the the afflictions of the guest uh

and it’s it’s always strange honestly to

see a

guest come in with afflictions that

they’re complaining about but

it sounds as if your particular

affliction which i know you don’t see it

that way but it sounds very similar to

the medical lesson

which is an obstruction in the

gastrointestinal tract

you’re you’re trying to find a fancy way

to ask if our guest is clogged up

yeah well i was just more expounding

upon it but yeah that’s that’s more or

less the

the question at hand well i mean yeah i

mean this is supposed to be

like a really honest conversation

you know what i mean like we make it

weird here people ask what the [ __ ]

about our how real real we get on this

show

oh yeah like i mean dr kimball are you

clogged up

i am liberated here’s the thing

i’m not clogged up there’s nothing left

in me

that could cause a clog uh i’m i’m i

don’t have

any negative energy uh inside my body i

don’t have any toxins

uh nothing you certainly don’t have a

negative attitude you’re so chipper and

and kind and happy i mean i kind of want

to be like you and god

like kind of

you look you do look busy and i don’t

i don’t like to talk about these things

you know on on the podcast but like you

physically you don’t you look unwell

now why would you say that i look unwell

though like is it because of how shiny

my eyes are

or how big my smile is

your your eyes are very shiny and your

smile is very big

i would say that your body is similar to

um you know when there’s like cartoon

depictions of

baby new year and then the old man and

it’s like an old decrypted man

that’s sort of how you look from below

the neck

but the thing is that i’m spry like i i

don’t i don’t look like

a young person anymore because uh you

know i’ve learned from

my experiences and from my life and so

that’s going to make me look like

you know man there’s somebody who’s had

a life fully lived and now they’re full

of marbles

is that what you is that you person

because a lot of people say like a life

fully lived is

you know maybe they’ve they’ve seen the

world or they have a

you know a family or but but for you

it’s you’ve eaten a lot of marbles well

i’ve gained a lot of perspective because

now i can

you know i have light on the inside of

my body from the marbles refracting

into my guts and that kind of a

perspective

you know it’s gonna it’s gonna mature

you you know you’re gonna have to rise

to that level

and occupy that space you remember in

aladdin

when jafar like was pretending to be an

old man beggar

uh no i don’t watch i don’t watch uh uh

disney movies i’m i’m sorry

i’m sorry i’m still trying to think of a

better comparison about how your body

looks

from below the neck are you familiar

with you know just related to that are

you familiar with the

the old saying whoever has the gold

makes the rules

oh sure yeah yeah oh was that is that

from the uh from the disney film

uh originally i’m not positive but

at least so so the character saying that

looks

a lot like you except like you don’t

look nearly as

healthy um you look a lot happier than

he

did though because of your big smile

which is just in talk which is just

intoxicating again i want to be like you

thank you thank you listen whoever has

the gold makes the rules but whoever has

the glass

gets fda approval oh

so what about that dr london well it

sounds like he

like he doesn’t have fda approval and it

sounds like he’s

sort of just calling himself a doc you

know

i feel like we i want to ask okay like i

like

you know surely you have i mean you have

a business is business going

well like do you have a lot of people

who have sort of joined this

movement this lifestyle oh i’m extremely

blessed uh

right now it is uh just me uh

bearing the standard of uh orb therapy

but

um you know a lot of people they kind of

they can’t totally get on board with

something this intense as the orb

cleanse um but i’ve talked to so many

people

who have expressed um interest

mild interest uh in the orb cleanse and

in

well you know because the thing is

alternative medicine is booming right

now

and you know who are we to say that

eating

uh 50 to 70 marbles isn’t you know going

to make that change happen in our lives

it’s about making a change happen

exactly and i mean it’s like

people like dr london really frown upon

the alternative medi medicine scene and

i’m always just saying

hmm i remember another time when people

were saying

oh alternative that’s not the real

version

i’m talking about nirvana and how people

said alternative rock wasn’t real rock

dr

london and then they showed them yeah

and well you know that i maintained

the same you know on on the musical

front as well

uh if it’s alternative it’s not real it

doesn’t exist

ugh if it’s you’ve discussed alternative

music alternative rock

alternative medicine any of those i you

know and this is

maybe some of that’s personal maybe some

of it’s professional but i don’t

recognize those as being legitimate

i asked you if you knew who brett

gellman was and you said

you obnoxiously said because i know you

know who he is

but you said well i alt comedy doesn’t

exist

yeah so i don’t know who that is that’s

right

and i stand by that by the way if he was

a real comedian he’d be doing

sets at the laugh factory yeah

yeah and he would have his netflix

special yeah

well but dr london the thing is that uh

as you know

a contemporary of mine in the field of

medicine

i really think that we should lift each

other up and not do so much you know

uh purity politics with each other and

you know gatekeeping and like oh you

you know do medicine you know where’s

your where’s your degree where’s your

medical certification and like

i don’t know i just i feel like you know

it’s about community

in the medical community we really

should you know help lift each other up

well i i see how i’ve

you know my my desire to

uh make sure that medicine is practiced

well

and professionally and in such a ways to

uh

save life and you know prevent the loss

of life

and to educate people maybe some of that

has translated into

maybe uh some harassment on your part

maybe it maybe

comes across as a negative and so

and dr kimball i am so sorry i deal with

this all the time i’m constantly coming

up with new medical innovations that dr

london immediately shuts down oh like

what due to the lack of practicality

what kind of what kind of developments

have you had i do want to talk about

your shoes again because

like you were like you made a lot well

the shoes are a failed experiment

so i mean we can you know the vaccines

that i was talking about earlier that’s

one that you clearly don’t approve of

um i also have this thing where you

drain

blood usually from the foot because it’s

swelling

you know and you drain the blood and

then with the bag

you sort of turn that into like a fun

like a doll

so you can draw a little your or you can

put googly eyes on it if you don’t want

to draw the eyes if you’re a bad artist

and then you put a smile on it and then

suddenly that’s a gift you can give to

your friends that’s a gift you can give

your kids whatever you want to do with

it

and dr london said that’s not even a

medical idea i mean you had me a bag of

full of blood like that’s already such

a striking image okay see it’s it’s at

least it has artistic value that

that i will i mean it’s a little bit it

sounds a little bit alternative but well

i mean

90 of effective medicine is aesthetic

you know like as long as it has

you know a really good logo and really

good branding

you can have faith in that medicine

people don’t know this but crutches are

actually terrible for people with broken

bones but

we just like the way they look

absolutely so that’s why doctors

recommend them it’s all about the

aesthetics to them it’s like a martini

glass like the martini glass is not the

ideal conveyance for a martini but it’s

just so instantly iconic that

i mean i think we have to i think we

have to accept so

so i feel like we’re you know at least

you two agree on this

i think that’s about as close oh yeah

i’m signing up how how can i

and our listeners you know sign like

buy what you’re selling is it just the

lifestyle is there a book i can read

what oh there is

how do i buy into this there is a

website orbcleansciencelife.com

and it’s less of a book and more of

you know just a very very very long

manifesto that i programmed

in because i learned how to use basic

html

and so if you go to my website you can

have all of the information about the

orb cleanse you could possibly want

now there is a small uh paywall for the

site uh

in that uh you do have to give me at

least

30 bitcoins to access some of the higher

tier stuff

but honestly of course the basic stuff

that’s available i mean you’re going to

be dining out on that the rest of your

life

and so bitcoin is considered to be an

alternative

form of currency so yes yes

so for for me i you know i kind of tuned

this stuff

you wouldn’t be able to sign up for that

yeah

but i guess i’ve got you know i’ve got i

i got like hundreds of bitcoin back when

it was first

starting and they’ve just been burning a

hole in my pocket because that you know

no one no

i’ve ever any mcdonald’s i’ve been to or

any walmart i’ve been to or anything

like that does not take my business just

small miners so they’re completely

worthless

and so 30 bitcoins to me like that this

is a steal dr

london yeah i you know well once again i

don’t really

like i can hardly acknowledge this

conversation honestly it’s it’s

alternative it doesn’t make

you know it’s not it’s an alt

conversation to you dr london can you

even can you even see me right now like

am i am i

visible to you

so next up we have uh we have to do some

chores

yes and sorry i felt like there was a

buzzing in the air just now but uh

dr london you can’t ignore me forever

yeah oh hey you’re great um sorry i

you know maybe there’s some some alt

convo going on anyway so um

uh we have we have these chores to do

unfortunately and dr kimball if you

would join us

um i’m right i’m right here i’m right

here

all right thank you i’m gonna explain to

the listeners what we’re talking about

yeah yeah

just i know that you know the the guest

will know but yeah

uh so basically we’ve had this crazy

long to-do list

that we’ve been neglecting because

there’s been a lot of things

on nbc lately um and so

unfortunately that means that the

our chore list has gotten huge and so

we’ve made this cool little

very creative chore wheel that we spin

and whatever chore it lands on we

have to do that chore no matter what it

is even if it’s doing the dishes

we have to do it and so recently we did

add um

clean your shoes to the list

yes my my shoes definitely need to be

cleaned i’m hoping my sheets need to be

cleaned

because i had slept with my shoes on

and walked around on your bed bounced on

your bed

yeah i mean that’s implied when i say

like i’ve used them and like i wore them

to sleep

when was the last time to get ready for

sleep when was the last time you took

your shoes off

ooh let’s see

that song rude was really big at the

time

like why you gotta be so rude

so i don’t i don’t know was that like

2014

okay i mean you know that’s it’s that’s

a good that’s a good time period to

really commit to some to some shoes i

think there were some really good shoes

in 2014.

oh yeah these are great and the sheets

were before that so so we’re

you know at this point i would say it’s

overdue but like it’s one of those

things where you just

we get our chores yeah if it doesn’t if

we don’t land on it with the chore wheel

then you know we’re gonna be busy with

the other chores so

obviously so dr kimball can you go ahead

and

spin the chore wheel for us all right uh

it’s gonna take a second because i’m a

little bit woozy so i’ve gotta

hoist my arm and there it goes

ah not this one no i mean it has to be

done eventually

so i mean it’s i mean he’s your nephew

so i guess it’s like it’s not really

i don’t i don’t have to be done for me

yeah but no he

he likes you more the chore that we

landed on

is that we have to finally plan london’s

nephew

jackson’s fifth birthday party

oh wow so jackson little little jackson

his mom sucks and she told dr london

well it’s been on the chore wheel for

like seven months

so she told dr london about seven months

ago hey can you plan

jackson’s fifth birthday party and so

now thankfully we’re finally getting to

it

yeah well i mean i i would say his

his birthday actually that birthday

actually passed so it has moved on to

the

the sixth birthday we we did wait too

long i think it was like a week before

that we got warned

but so now we can plan the sixth

birthday

so um i mean don’t you don’t you think

we should be celebrating the fifth

because he didn’t get one last year

because we’re still planning it

uh like i just don’t keep up with them

enough do kids like that

let’s do a fifth and a sixth so let’s

let’s we can double it

five and a half doctor london five and a

half i think that works

dr leonard what is your what is your

nephew into

yeah what does he like so and like i’m

you know i try to

i mean i don’t really listen that much

to his whole thing

but um uh okay

i’m trying to remember what he’s talked

about i think he said something about

about street sharks um okay

and that he uh

something about a monorail and

um uh spark plugs

like this is i don’t honestly i don’t

remember how much of it was

uh you know his father talking or me

talking

but uh yeah it’s all just kind of

jumbled in there i mean i was

i was busy i was yeah i had a game on my

phone

so okay and so street sharks are of

course

the people who shark you on the street

that’s right

so i don’t know if he’s one of them or

if he’s just a fan or you know but like

obviously

obviously it’s something big with the

youth culture right now with with that

young

culture uh is you know the

the street well maybe because like you

can’t really remember what he’s into

um we can just you know think about that

think about youth culture think about

things that like

you know kids his age are really into

five and a half year olds what they

what they like what they dislike okay i

would say

so i’ve you know i have a few young ones

of my own

or have had in the past i don’t know i

don’t know where they are

but like when my kids were five they

were

so into food they were obsessed with it

they wanted it every single day well

it’s got to be

frustrating but oh sorry that for the

for a party i guess that’s helpful

yeah i mean so like i mean uh dr kimball

do you have any kids of your own or any

experience with with planning parties or

anything that can uh help us out

uh no i am uh thrice divorced i don’t

have any kids

uh but one thing that i do know about

planning

for a kid’s party is that you have to

tailor it to what the kid wants and so

if

you know if you show the kid um i’m

sorry you said his name was jack

jackson so you give jackson

something memorable something that he’s

gonna you know want to carry with him

the rest of his life

i think if you make the entire thing

glass-based

it’s gonna stand out in his memory and

be really really memorable

okay so i so i have a whole lot of

do you want to make it just american

condor themed

first of all that’s that’s insulting

right i can’t

i can’t believe you would suggest such a

thing yeah i mean dr london there’s no

reason to bring it back to that i don’t

know why you did that what is wrong with

you no no you know it’s fine it’s fine

um and i think enough time

for a second do you would you mind

producer cameron and i just talked for a

second

please please please yeah dr kimball do

you want to maybe play some games on my

phone for a little bit while dr lyndon

and i talk

yes okay here we go um

what what’s up i’m really wanting so he

had apparently

a a business partner that was a glass or

a there was a condor that ate a bunch of

glass and

he i guess dice that to the glass and or

dissected the condor ate the glass

so i’m wondering if i’m the weird one or

if he’s the weird one because

i do have a lot of glass condors as well

and if he well okay

um i would say hey i don’t why would the

guest be the weird one

i don’t he he already explained his

logic

of why he did that with his business

partner and all those things

that’s what we’ve been talking about for

so long now yeah sorry

and we also know that you’re weird

yes huh i that that wasn’t

okay that was my understanding i just

your favorite soda is rc

cola

[Laughter]

yeah when i can afford it yeah

it’s fine um i guess i guess that we

that’s the thing it’s like

i the the reason you’re so

anti-alternative is because you’re

projecting because you’re basically an

alt

human no well that’s

that that’s like everything is just like

10 off with you

i you know let’s let’s get back to our

our very normal guest

okay okay hey sorry dr kimball we just

had to talk about the um

the the deficit

so did you know you have snake on your

phone by the way this

this is a really fancy phone oh yeah

um so i have not been able to get past

the passcode i’m

i you clearly guessed it and started

playing snake

uh yeah i you know i i try not to brag

about it but i’m uh

something of a hacker myself mostly what

i did was enter

one two three four and then instantly

i’m in oh okay i need to i need to write

that down dr london um

so okay where are we at with the

birthday party i’m lost

okay so um street sharks and monorails

that’s

that’s more or less what what i’m

thinking uh dr kimball also introduced

the um

uh what was what was your part there

glass

glass glass it’s right in glass so we’re

gonna

maybe include maybe like

so okay maybe the birthday party

is in a monorail car

right okay so we’ll get one of those and

we can put it in the backyard or

whatever and so everyone’s in there and

so you’ve got everyone’s got tables and

all that kind of stuff that you’re going

to have

in those kind of seats um and then i

guess

glass-wise maybe

let’s cover the ground with glass

figurines maybe i mean we’re just

talking about glass pipes dr london let

the kids like

smoke up a bit smoke weed maybe we’ll

just go to just like a local

junkyard and just pick up our earth

thrift store or whatever and

grab whatever glass items we can find

oh just like because you’re saying

because kids can just smoke out of

anything

well i was saying that they you know

they kids make toys out of anything

that’s more what i was getting at like

you can

you can give someone a you know a tire

and they’re going to make a swing out of

it you know

yeah or you i think people can do with

an apple core yeah a swing with an

apple core and likes with some well like

an apple core and like some tinfoil

anyway you can

and then so anyway okay so we’ve got the

monorail what about like

food like a cake does he like cake does

he like

well i mean again what do kids like okay

yeah let me let me see

let me go back i guess baby food right

yeah well he’s five and a half

so so maybe mix in some real food with

it

yeah like maybe chopped carrots

okay and then the baby food will be like

maybe

applesauce or like they probably have

like cheeseburgers and stuff nowadays

right

like cheeseburger baby food yeah yeah

so you could give them a cake with the

baby sauce as a kind of frosting on top

best of both worlds ah

dr kimball i believe i think that’s what

we need to do

yes so like the last touch yeah if we

can just

maybe find a place a cake store that has

baby food options i think we will be set

i mean over the last year or so i’ve

learned about so many things that are

actually cake when i thought there was

something else that i feel like we’re

gonna

stumble into this you know rather than

search it out

so that you won’t be able to you reach

to shake someone’s hand and then you

realize

someone brings a knife and you think

they’re about to cut the person that

you’re

shaking hands with and it ends up being

a cake yeah

and like sometimes you you aren’t sure

if you’re a cake at that point

anyway so okay i think we’ve got well i

mean last thing

last thing what about entertainment

doctor right

um okay so his again what do kids like

kids like like talk like talk talks well

honestly

and let’s you know his favorite thing

street sharks let’s get some pickpockets

in there

let’s get you know every kid can have

maybe something dangling out of their

back pocket and the game is

can the pickpocket who we will hire for

the event

you know can they steal the you know

whatever little dangly toy

out of their their wallets and maybe we

don’t even tell them that

that’s happening or that it’s a game

yeah and that way we can keep

just whatever our our the guy we hire

i i can do it okay i wasn’t planning on

going but i mean i could do it

yeah like i said jackson is a huge fan

of you

oh yeah he would lose his mind if i

stole his toys

yeah all right all right

i think we got it all right so um yeah

so if we could go ahead

and uh uh spin this

it’s got all the fireworks attached i

think so we’ll just light that

and then back away because it’s gonna

it’s gonna go up in a blaze this tour

wheel we have to rebuild it every week

as well because

once you knock one off that ruins the

fractions proportions

anyway so light that blow it

all right wow uh

so so i feel like we went through a lot

today uh

kind of you know i didn’t i didn’t mean

to go into so much

about uh

i i all the glass stuff i guess is kind

of threw me off and this whole

what is this like the snl goodbyes what

are we doing here

um anyway so thank you so much to to our

guest

uh dr kimball um

is there any way for our listeners to

follow up with you to

to hear more from you uh listeners uh

can uh find a little uh side venture uh

that i do called rank and vile podcast

uh

on twitter it’s a rank and vilecast and

uh we talk about a lot of movies

some of which involve glass uh and

yeah you can uh check us out over there

and on uh

your uh podcast device of choice you

heard it listeners it’s in a podcast

dedicated entirely to the m night

shyamalan movie glass

thank you all right yeah which and i

hopefully the sequel

not unbreakable sorry yes not

unbreakable not unbreakable

just the sequel sometimes breakable

sometimes breakable

ideally not breakable well you just lost

a listener

all right well uh anyway so thank you so

much to dr

tim kimball for coming on the show thank

you to our producer cameron

thank you to DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

i am here today because i have a

revolutionary

new system called the orb cleanse

and it’s a holistic lifestyle change

that will cleanse

not only your body physically

the american condor the american condor

is off limits and nobody should ever

consume the american condor’s body

either in effigy or in home

the american condor

the american condor the american condor

is off limits and nobody should ever

consume the american condor’s body

either an effigy or

[Music]

my name is dr LondonSmith (.com) and this

has been

the jock doc podcast see ya

92. Chronic Mesenteric Ischemia/Darlene Toot (feat. Meredith Frank)

hey you’re about to lose new comedy

podcast that means that notice medical

advice meeting medical advice for

medical care please contact your doctor

welcome to the jock doc podcast

featuring

dr london smith and you know how the

saying goes

happy saint patties from a couple of

jock boy daddies

introducing your host daddy london

smith hello

and welcome to the jock doc podcast

where we discuss fitness and health

and how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring

i’m your host dr londonsmith.com i would

like to begin

by apologizing to our listeners we’ve

received some feedback about the

excessive amount of technical medical

terms that i’ve been using such as

delirium tremens and st patrick’s day

so i’ll try to temper my terminology to

a simpler one in the future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron hey dr london

how are you hey hey i’m good we’ll talk

about you a bit

yeah okay i okay i feel so you’re

you’re opening up with that but you’re

wearing just a full suit

in one color right and you know there’s

there’s a holiday coming up

and you know that green is the color for

for st patrick’s day right um i think

that’s that’s sort of like a regional

thing i believe

where are you from you’re from like like

the bayou or something

like a swamp america america yeah but

you like from the swamp lands yeah i

think in the swamplands

it’s you wear green on st patrick’s day

okay and

but for the rest of the for the rest of

the time you wear just up just an

ugly brown yes yeah

so like a dead like a dead leaf sort of

brown

so you’d and yeah it’s a pile of [ __ ]

you try to look like a pilot

no i like i see the way you’ve plastered

on to it there

but i’m well that’s the poop emoji hat

you know that’s right as i feel like

maybe

because you come in strong saying let’s

focus on you london

but i’ve your outfit you never dress up

for the recordings

so do you want to talk about yours or do

you want to do you want to just focus on

me well i mean there’s

i don’t there’s not a whole lot to talk

about you already talked about this

holiday is coming up just in a couple

days

and so i’m definitely going to be

wearing my holiday outfit

and right after this you know i’m going

to the pub

for a um like st patrick’s day themed

pub quiz thing

right and you’re you’re confident about

your knowledge of yeah geeks who stink

yeah yeah yeah and you but you’re

comfortable in your knowledge of you

know being able to answer questions

about the holiday

oh yeah what’s the famous color

associated with the holiday

deep poopy brown um what

what famous thing what famous small

little creature

is associated with the holiday jackalope

those the uh the rabbits with

horns or whatever yeah um

well you know the what’s the what’s the

famous drink that’s associated with it

big red

right rc cola as well

yeah the two the top okay i you know my

experience has been different but

you know i know that you are to read

again like you’re from the swamp lanes

which i think

it’s a little different it’s like how in

some parts of arizona

they don’t acknowledge daylight savings

time so they’re like

in one time zone one you know one part

of the year and then another times in

another part of the year

in that same way you grew up with this

expectation that like

everything is green and you’ve got a

little what what’s your

a little boy running around or something

like that what does your

kind of swamp people do uh i mean

there’s the

sort of the classic mythology of it is

you know a leprechaun

is that what you’re talking about

leprechaun yeah sorry i mean it’s

again it’s not really like part of the

culture of the rest of america but yeah

yeah will the leper come on he’s like a

little leper like you can’t touch him or

something

yeah um well he he’s

he has leprosy and he will try to con

you

um sort of as a last stitch it’s uh

yeah it’s anyway it’s tradition but i

get that you have your own

way of honoring the tradition and i

don’t want to get in the way of that so

yeah

anyways so that’s our producer cameron

also with us is DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

yeah geeks who stink

[Music]

ugly brown ugly brown

you got geeks who stink ugly brown

yeah you got geeks who stink ugly brown

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

and later cameron tells me we can expect

a special guest is that right

that’s right dr london and also

instead of a four-leaf clover we’ve got

a classic five

leaf looking thing you know what i’m

talking about yes

you may be like roll up a little bit you

know what i’m talking about yes

uh a fruit roll up is that what you’re

getting at

uh you could probably smoke out of a

fruit roll up

i feel like you could do that smoke weed

every day okay i

yeah anyway so before we move on i would

like to address a bit of listener

feedback

i found this note written in my lawn on

the parts where someone had apparently

salted the earth so that nothing could

ever grow there again

then it reads quote growing up we

couldn’t afford bread

we just ate mayonnaise with a spoon and

drank hose water

end quote so um first of all thank you

so much this listener for reaching out

here

on the jock talk podcast uh we you know

we love to hear back from our listeners

to answer your question um you know i’m

sorry that budget constraints

have limited your meal plan so much to

just just a spoonful of mayonnaise

um if possible i would say try to throw

some more food groups in there uh you

know

the just the one that you know you want

to have your

your vegetables your grains all that

kind of thing uh

though i understand because i think like

on the food pyramid like

mayonnaise is like the third biggest one

you know what i mean it’s

it’s not the only one no it’s it isn’t

the only one you know there are fruits

and vegetables

you’ve got sugar meat mayonnaise

and then like uh fish

yeah no fish is you wanna

yeah you have a lot of these food groups

and so um

and also i should say you know hose

water usually at least in

in the states usually hose water is okay

unless you’re in one of the

areas that have had problems with this

um

anyway uh i mean

like i don’t know what if this per like

why are you insisting that this person

suddenly you know have normally

sandwiches

like what if they’re trying to just

watch carbs and so that’s why they’re

not eating bread

i mean we know the reason they’re not

eating bread is because of their money

but like

couldn’t that also be a benefit is that

they have a true keto diet

that’s what i’m doing see you’re

avoiding carbs

and eating i eat the content i eat the

contents of sandwiches rather than

sandwiches i eat a peanut butter and

jelly

every single day and it’s a mess stuff

goes

everywhere yeah i guess i you know i

guess i hadn’t considered it but

if you’re avoiding carbs and you just

are eating spoonfuls of

peanuts handfuls of

peanut butter and jelly handfuls of

meatballs and marinara sauce and

mozzarella cheese for my meatball sub

right no and that philly cheesesteaks

hurt so bad they are so hot yeah that

does sound painful do you

and you have no method of because you’re

avoiding carbs you don’t want anything

that can

like have you tried just a fork have you

thought of just

using don’t worry eat a sandwich with a

fork you just eat a sandwich with your

hands it’s it’s finger food that’s

part of the appeal

yeah no okay um so anyway

if we could you know move on because you

know today’s topic is pretty important

um

now for today’s medical topic chronic

mesenteric ischemia

so chronic mesenteric ischemia it’s also

called intestinal angina

refers to episodic or constant uh

intestinal hypoperfusion which is when

there isn’t enough blood reaching the

intestines

and it’s usually due to mesenteric

atherosclerotic disease

so i had a french dip like uh okay you

know like a french dip which you

you dip into stuff but i had to do that

with my hands

so i had the contents you know i had

like beef and whatnot and i’m i’m

stuffing that in so is it the dipping

sauce

you say your hands are because to dip

it sounds like everything is a dipping

situation so are you dipping one handful

into another handful

everything is two handfuls i would never

eat a sandwich without two hands that’s

just irresponsible

ten and two you’re supposed to have your

hands at ten and two

but yeah uh

yeah i mean i’m just dipping i’m dunking

both of my hands into the dipping sauce

okay but the dipping sauce is in okay

that’s in a bowl

you have something contained oh yes at

some point in the process that’s just a

normal normal dipping sauce okay

and you did it it’s about carbs i’m not

getting the carbs you know what i mean

yeah and you aren’t using cutlery you

know no silverware either yeah

no carbs no cutlery and that’s that’s a

true keto diet

then paninis are very painful

very painful and i haven’t figured out a

way around okay because for that you’re

you’re putting them i guess this this

begs the question

are you sure that you can call it a

panini if it’s

if there is no no carbs no bread

yeah i mean you’re talking about i’m

talking about sticking my hand on the

grill

because i’ve got like a you know a grid

layer like george foreman type of thing

with the you know like a panini press

yeah and then so i stick my hands on the

bottom part and then i close it

which gets the top part and it hurts

like hell dr london but that’s

the sacrifices you have to make to have

a body like mine

that’s true um no sorry i don’t mean to

interrupt your medical lesson to talk

about my

rockin bod i know and i

i don’t give you enough you know avenues

to bring that up

but you know you should be proud of your

body that’s you know what what you’ve

done is impressive

uh and it was so clinically with with

chronic mesenteric ischemia

uh patients classically present um with

complaints of

dull crampy postprandial epigastric pain

and that means

pain below the sternum after meals uh

that’s usually within the first hour

after eating this is because

are you are you describing uh a disease

dr london are you describing yourself

having pain below my sternum after

eating

oh yeah no no so i’m describing

that that’s a description of chronicles

i don’t normally have that is that

okay no just like you’re i’m saying like

you’re you’re a pain in my

lower area or whatever okay so really it

would be you

that you’re the disease so it’s below

you’re a disease on this planet yes that

should be eradicated

okay well this this is starting to get a

little hurtful where’s my london vaccine

son okay uh so so they

they have that pain within the first

hour after eating because there’s

increased demand for blood flow in the

digestive tract while the body’s

digesting food

significant weight loss may occur

because of this pain uh

because it’s associated with meals and

patients will often decrease their food

intake to stave off that pain

wow that’s a great dieting technique i

might need to add that

into my keto diet so this is

clogged just a pain every time that i

eat

which encourages me to eat less

it’s like people getting hypnotized to

like quit smoking by like oh the taste

of smoke tastes

like uh dirt or something yeah but but

in this case it’s because

parts of your intestinal tract are dying

my arteries are clogged

yeah yeah i think that’d be a really

creative way to

to lose weight

so diagnosis of chronic mesenteric

ischemia is with mesenteric

arteriography and definitive treatment

is with

surgical revascularization um and that

can lead to pain relief

in 90 of cases so you know there’s oh i

there’s treatment i i understand your

issue with what i’m saying this

is a body positive show and i do wanna

say that

but that also means being okay with

me getting a disease where every time i

eat it really really hurts

it hurts like hell yeah right

and so i mean the preparation of the

meal hurts like hell because i’m it’s

got my hand in a panini press

and everything i eat just kills my

stomach

because i’m my clogged arteries this is

a win-win

and that is my right so

sorry but i had to stand up for myself

yeah and i guess

i i guess i’m sorry for being critical

it because

in my mind it doesn’t sound like a

win-win it sounds like a lot of pain

throughout the process no pain no gain

right that’s a thing yep yeah that is

people people do anyway do you want to

do you want to go ahead and move on from

from the unless do you want to keep

talking about the

uh i mean your grilling habits no wait

let’s

move on do you have a question is i

don’t understand are you getting at

something

no i do i want to make sure that you

were finished because i’m i’m done with

explaining chronic mesenteric ischemia i

think yeah

i mean don’t you want to ask me a

question you don’t have a maybe a

question about me or something

just in general yeah so um uh so with

this diet of yours

uh how are you incorporating that into

your celebration of the holiday

you’re asking what kind of sandwich am i

gonna eat on st patties

yeah is there a traditional dish

okay that sounds less painful i guess

the same patty’s po boy

yeah no i uh once again just not

necessarily the dish i associate but uh

wait wait

i don’t know it’s hard to say is

my hands in the deep fryer

more painful than my hands on the grill

i don’t know so i don’t want to say it’s

actually less painful

so so your diet requires you to be

having your hands in

every part of the process of food

preparation of cooking

well yeah i mean you don’t need a plate

or anything for a sandwich that’s the

whole point it’s portable

it’s finger food dr london you think

that

having your hands involved is

like an avoiding color like that’s the

point of a no carb diet

no i just i love sandwiches and so i

knew

like getting rid of carbs i was gonna

have to get rid of sandwiches except for

i found a little trick one little trick

that doctors won’t tell you

which is use your hands for sandwiches

as sandwiches really and

and yeah because in the grilling process

and in the frying process

and uh well i i can’t recommend that to

you know to patients but uh you know if

if you if you like that i guess

you know keep on if that’s your

preference

all right well let’s go ahead okay

[Music]

cameron you said that we have a guest

today is that right that’s right dr

london and i will even say

even though you hate that i say this dr

london

okay that we have the coolest cat around

not i don’t i don’t think you’ve said

that yeah but i know i

knew as i was saying that you were

hating it you were saying

oh no it’s because you want to get

stuffy and professional and you hate

that i unbutton my top button and let my

collar loose

yeah it’s just you know sometimes i feel

like my brown my poop

brown suit i feel like you bring in

sometimes a

sort of an unprofessional vibe but i

feel like that’s also the role you play

like

we’re trying to make this more appealing

to the everyday person

so that they can care about chronic

mesenteric ischemia as well

oh we’re we’re not we’re not a marketing

to the average person anymore we’re

marketing to

sailors fishermen yes

okay i didn’t we pivoted towards that a

while ago i thought you

knew that boat people

big and bulk culture boat swain okay

um well anyway uh oh i guess i’ll bear

that in mind and try to

use the right terminology going forward

yeah um maybe say ahoy instead of hello

yeah uh all right ahoy there my name is

dr londonsmith.com and this is our

producer cameron or

i guess maybe i’d be kind of like the

captain of the ship

and then mm-hmm cameron maybe your first

mate

so cam cameron would be also on the ship

um

but what was your i’m a passenger ahoy

yep

oh hello hello hello ahoy ahoy ahoy my

name is darlene toot

thank you for having me on i am a

territory manager

to the southwest for garlic and i’ll do

anything to make a sale

okay that that’s your opening pitch is

that you can you’re gonna do anything

for a sale so

we can back up a little bit so you’re in

the garlic industry yes i

am i um i work for a website called

garlic.com backslash raw

and i am here to inform you about the

health benefits of garlic

and try to make a sale like i previously

said i’ll do anything to make a sale

well i want to know before i mean do you

before you even get into the intricacies

of of

of garlic and the health benefits um

like do you have clients already like

do you work with any big companies are

you providing garlic to like olive

garden or something

yes i do manage the olive garden account

i do that is a big one for me

i usually make my annual commission

on their christmas order if you know

what i mean

is that the order that they place on

christmas it is the biggest one

they always do a special sale where if

you come in

to olive garden in the month of december

they will give you a raw clove of garlic

and they will hide it on your person so

you can find it when you get home

wow i have wondered because i i have

gone to olive garden you know during

that time of year and then

i’ve been very confused whenever i get

home and i have garlic

on me and like you know uh i’ll go with

family members and stuff and they will

all

it’s i thought it was a vampire thing

yeah

that was i’m not crazy about them

sneaking it into my pocket i’d rather

they

be upfront about it it’s like the

youtube album it’s like

just because it’s free doesn’t mean i

appreciate it you know what i mean yep

i think it’s fine just just like putting

it in the pockets of all my jackets i

feel like maybe you could tell

talk to your people or something about

that maybe just maybe handing the garlic

too i don’t know i don’t i really cannot

lose that account

yeah they’re my big one they’re my big

special one

you know i just can’t i can’t stand to

lose that account

you know so i can’t i can’t

i do sense your level of desperation yes

it sounds like if you’re not no

supplying garlic to olive garden that

your life might be in shambles so i

and i don’t want to mess with that at

all i

already feel really guilty talking about

it so much

no i’m fine i’m fine but i’ll do

anything

to make a sale yo can you sound

you are sounding a little bit more

frantic the more uh-huh

talk about it not me is there

are let me you know if i can

just real quick i just want to get some

assurance here

are you okay uh-huh as good as a garlic

salesperson could be

you know i’m not just a salesperson i’m

actually the territory manager to the

southwest

wow it’s a big deal i sell i move a lot

of garlic every year

how many peops you’re a manager how many

people do you have under you uh

well i say that i have people under me

but what i really mean is my cat

i count her as an employee i think it’s

fun and cute

and sometimes when i zoom with my boss i

hold her up in front of the camera

and we laugh so much um

but yeah so that’s that’s it i just

manage i manage my cat

it’s unofficial but we have fun i mean

is your cat involved in the garlic

process in any way do you use the cat

or is it just a joke i take her with me

on calls

okay i think that counts then i have a

special purse that i zipper into and

it’s really fun because it has leg holes

and a head hole and a tail hole

but then it has handles on top so i just

can pick her up and just kind of put her

over my shoulder and just take her with

me

whenever i’m on the go you know slinging

that garlic trying to make sales

that’s really cute and your purse is

probably full of garlic as well

nope well yes and no not the cat purse

cats really don’t do well with garlic

they often die

after ingesting it so on my left side i

have my cat i i meant to say

ingesting but maybe i said injecting

cats will also die if you inject them

and i don’t really want to talk about

how i know that

because it’s very sad and also the

reason why i have a new cat

um i mean i keep is there like a

possibility that

having a garlic addiction might lead to

injecting it maybe it’s not as strong as

it used to be once you’re

sort of on it so frequently they’ve done

they’ve done studies garlic is not habit

forming i get that question a lot

it’s delicious but no you cannot be

addicted you cannot

they’ve done studies do you know anyone

who has injected garlic i guess is my

main question

i don’t know if it is appropriate for me

to divulge

my family’s story right now um

violation my cousin bruce i don’t think

it’s right for

me to talk about him it is not so much a

hippo violation but really part of our

garlic code of honor that i just

i just can’t violate right now forever

big on honor especially with all like

the your employees under you you want to

set a good example

for sure i can’t have this cat you know

in my purse on the left i can’t have her

being dishonorable

no we have to make the sale by any means

necessary

you’re talking very sort of

sort of casually using terminology that

you know

i’ll do anything to make a sale i’ll do

whatever it takes

um are you not you’re not familiar with

with terms that we use in the sales

world like make a sale

is that what no that you can are you

confused because of the boating thing

cameron said

uh yeah

because i don’t think i’m not trying to

make a boat sale but i will have to if

that will get me

a s-a-l-e you’re just trying to sell a

boatload

of garlic yes by any means necessary by

any means necessary

you two are so that’s the part that

really really got me

because you know people i i have worked

with some sales people before

and the by any means necessary was you

know usually you just cut your losses at

a certain point

but um could you give me an example of

the any means necessary that you’ve gone

through are you talking

just about like you’ll like a discount

or or what do you mean

instance with olive garden how did you

get that um

you know that client well um

i knew the local olive garden manager

he um his name was devin

devin and i went to high school together

one night i

came into olive garden and i think that

garlic is such a good product it sells

itself

except i’m really selling it so garlic

and i are selling it together

and i like to treat my sales meetings

like interviews

so i walked into olive garden with my

cat purse

on my left shoulder and i walked up to

the bar

and on the tile top of the bar i put

a clove of garlic and i said devin

i want you to sell me this clove of

garlic and i walked out

i walked out with the biggest commission

anyone had ever seen

so that’s what you meant by any means

necessary is that you’ll

you’ll like put a garlic leaf down on

the table

um it’s a clove first of all i think you

said leaf

right yeah that’s that’s a fully

different thing i don’t even sell the

leafs

my colleague chantal sells them but no i

am cloves

only cloves and bulbs um but yeah that

is one example of the links i have gone

to

to get garlic in the hands of the people

that need it wow

okay so yeah it sounds like they they

just kind of needed a

garlic supplier and that’s and you were

right there and that’s probably what

made it work

sometimes things work out everything

happens for a reason

yes and do you have any other clients

or is that just sort of the only one

while i’m working on a big one tonight

i would love to have your endorsement

for garlic tonight what can i do to make

this happen i’ll do anything

to make the sale i’m gonna be i’m gonna

be honest and i feel like this is a

terrible negotiating tactic but i’m

gonna

cards on the table we do need a garlic

supplier

you aren’t supposed to no i’m just

saying i’m just saying it’s an option

i think they deserve to know that it is

an option

i don’t want to be the next olive garden

and just give in

our old our old and i also want to be

honest our old garlic

dealer our our garlic supplier was

kidnapped

yeah it’s i mean you you know the

business

yeah it’s a dangerous business yeah

whenever i say like i’m i’m i’ve been

familiar with

these marketing types i used to be

and then you know it it got to be

very very competitive and you know once

people start getting

shot down in the streets you start

rethinking

you know should i even be in the garlic

business at all and

because we aren’t we are just like we

use it

and that’s all we we don’t try to get

into all the selling business it’s

um you know it’s

people have different ways of dealing

with this in uh you know the 80s

the 70s and 80s and um for garlic i

don’t think that it’s

fair i i don’t know too problematic

yeah i actually i don’t want to get into

conspiracy stuff but i heard that the

cia

actually put out a bunch of garlic onto

the streets

like they’re the actual origin for it

but you know i don’t want to get into

those kind of conspiracies

but no i mean i get what you’re saying

like

i i like i mean okay

you talked about the benefits of garlic

can we talk about that a little bit

of course i would love to tell you all

the benefits of garlic but

um is it okay if i unzip my cat and just

let her kind of roam around

yeah that’s fine okay i’m gonna do that

look at her she’s so sweet what do you

think her name is

what do i think it is what do you think

i’m going to say winona writer

yes how did you know that

you are so smart i love selling garlic

when it just brings me into contact with

super smart people like you

oh yeah oh thank you yeah no i am pretty

bright

i am pretty brilliant uh london

what can i pull you aside for a second

yeah yeah yeah

okay so here darlene do you want to play

games on my phone

oh thank you yeah okay

um so this is an example of how we got

roped into this business the last time

it’s not safe and i you know i don’t

know that we need more garlic in our

lives maybe it’s time to just

there there are other foods out there

okay so you’re

you’re wanting our pizza crust to not

have

like a buttery garlic sauce spread on it

anymore

you want to go with garlic less pizza

crust

no more garlic bread which again i can’t

eat the bread so i’m just eating

butter and garlic that’s in my hands

yeah

look i know that that’s how you eat

um and that’s what you what you your

diet dictates

yeah but what i’m saying is that it’s

not i don’t know that it’s

safe you know what happened last time

you want you you will never have another

garlic palmer

the arnold palmer with garlic in it

that’s your favorite drink dr london i

can’t say that i

that i won’t because you know we we all

so i’ll sort of backslide sometimes

but what i’m saying is she’s using the

very aggressive

very um harsh techniques that always

work on you

with the the flattery and the relentless

flattery

yeah and uh i just feel like

i just wanted to make you aware of it

before we go into this okay okay

i’m aware yeah i don’t wanna you know

i’m you know i i wanna get be a better

like negotiator and then businessman

i get it thank you i appreciate it yeah

yeah yeah no problem

okay all right let’s get back okay all

right darlene how much for the garlic oh

no wow okay we’re getting we’re doing

this already huh

i just wanna i wanna know the price i

guess you know

your pitch this isn’t this is just to

know

kind of what your thing and for the

supply that

that that if we were hypothetically to

want to get back in the game

um what what kind of price we’re talking

uh well first of all i have some bad

news

cameron i beat your high score on flappy

bird here’s your phone back oh wow

you got 70 points i’m never going to be

able to beat that

i sure did i sure did i sure did

and my initials are in there now so

you’ll remember me forever

d.a.t darlene antoot that is me i have

one

full lappy bird um but as far as pricing

for the garlic

it is a very very reasonable 50 cents a

bulb if you want to

do more than 100 bulbs right now i can

knock that down to 30 cents a bulb well

um so so we’ve

we’ve been in the game before and we

know the price and we

like granted i know the market’s changed

a little bit by now but

um what i’m thinking is and cameron go

with me

that that that price is kind of that is

sky

high oh that’s so high we’re so poor

we’re so

poor we’re losers prices

oh that’s so expensive plus i don’t even

know if i want to

i don’t know if i want to get back in on

this um

this whole world uh because sure we have

old connections and sure we could

reconnect and we could really

get things going and that could maybe

you know be more profitable even than

the patreon at this point

uh the jock talking podcast yeah yeah

good luck on that but at the same time

i don’t there’s so much sacrifice what

are you trying to say you’ve been

talking for a long period of time and i

don’t know what you’re saying

so i just i’m i’m just well karen i’m

trying to put up a lot of hesitation

here

oh keep talking dr london

yeah so so just morally and ethically

we have to reconsider whether we even

want to be a part of this

game much less work it from you

someone who’s sure like family now

because you’ve been

talking to us for a bit but card

yeah that that is big for us um

anyway so so i’m just you know you know

our reservations and i can tell you that

we can probably get a better price if we

went to our well not our old

dealer because they our old dealer is a

kidnapper

yeah our old dealer’s kidnapper he’s got

a great pitch too

yeah and we have them over for for

christmas for thanksgiving

yeah um so anyway i just just so you

know that’s kind of what you’re

competing against and can you sweeten

the deal

with any of your by any means necessary

talk yep

yeah what do we get out of this wow

aside from garlic doctor london

you are you are such a tough negotiator

you were so tall i can’t believe how

tough you are it makes me jealous

i’m jealous now oh you’re too smart to

be jealous don’t be jealous

oh okay no wait no

so cameron cameron i think this is it

again i think what

i think we are going to go ahead and

close this deal

yes and um i can

leave these two cloves here and um

i’ll deliver the rest of it next week

wow i mean dr london we

did we how much should we commit to how

how much did we commit to

um i think it was a hundred bulbs at 30

cents each

and so did we just commit to a hundred

or do we order like a thousand

you did order a thousand you did

thank you for being here you’re so smart

thank you for reminding me of that

i completely forgot that we ordered a

thousand cameron that was smart of you

but

still thank you it’s the flattery thing

again

we talked her down didn’t we i do

it’s hard to tell the thing is it’s

these aggressive flattery techniques

that have brought so many people to ruin

so many families have been ruined by

this

and i just don’t i don’t want this to be

okay

here’s something to address um

there are rumors out there that the

the offspring of people who are let’s

say addicted to garlic

uh that they start out with an addiction

to garlic

is that and i i haven’t seen you know

a lot of clinical studies that really

reinforce that but

has that been a concern within your area

of the business

so when you say that you haven’t seen a

lot of clinical studies

to that really examine the

addiction the multi-generational

addiction of garlic

how many was that zero i think what you

meant to say was i’ve seen no studies

yeah wow yeah it’s okay

i’ve seen many studies there’s a case

study but a case okay

i’ve seen many studies that

show that garlic is safe and natural

and non-addictive and really just a

pleasant

healthy addition to many meals or just

one as a snack

just one bulb as a snack what about what

about the accusations

that a garlic addiction if you’re

pregnant leads to an extra stinky baby

okay that um that study

if you look at who actually funded that

that was funded by big oregano

so i don’t think that that is really a

credible study

when you look at where the money is

coming from and honestly

i’ve had a child and i eat a lot of

garlic and that baby was

savory if anything

okay that’s valid um

i can tell you get all these questions a

lot i do um maybe i should tell you a

story

about my own history with garlic

please yes yes when i get you started on

this garlic adventure

i love garlic so much and i love

meeting people like you who’ve become my

family so quickly

when i was younger i went out on a girls

night with two friends

and um i have kind of a limited diet

i mostly garlic and garlic based

products

and they happen to have whole roasted

garlic

on the menu i didn’t want to share so i

ended up essentially eating two

bulbs of whole roasted garlic and

that night i had a little bit of a

stomachache but that’s okay that’s how

garlic aids in your digestion it makes

you very very sick when you eat it in

large quantities

and kind of cleanses everything um so i

had a little bit of tummy troubles

and i went to bed um and then

my boyfriend came over uh he’s an ex now

so don’t even worry about that

uh my ex-boyfriend came over and

i had been releasing gas all night and

as soon as he opened the door

it was a studio apartment so my bed was

right by the door

he looked at me and he said what are you

cooking

because my fart smelled just like garlic

and if that doesn’t sell you i don’t

know what will

okay that was a good pitch that’s an

interesting pitch you did say this was

how you got like

interested in garlic but then you

started off by saying that you were

already only eating garlic

yeah so how long had you been only on

this like garlic diet

well i’ve added a couple more things to

my diet um a little bit more variety

like um i actually do low carb

and i have been eating a lot of cheese

steaks out of my hands

um a lot of french dips where i just dip

my hands that are holding meat into a

bowl of meat juice and i just eat that

wait see dr dr london was talk saying

that this was really weird that i do the

same thing but

this is a common thing all my friends do

he’s from the swamp land so he doesn’t

he doesn’t get it i guess this is

because i don’t normally latch onto

every diet trend you know if i

if i go to a friend’s house and they

don’t have any br you know they’ll have

say bratwurst or something and then they

don’t have any i’ll say do you have buns

for this

they will just shake their head no and

that’ll that’ll kind of be the end of it

it sounds like maybe i’m i’m just not

working enough on my own diet maybe

that’s maybe i’m the problem in this

um and maybe usually yeah

so i i guess you know now’s as

appropriate time

as any um when i was when i was younger

i had an experience with garlic myself

and it’s it’s kind of what gives me a

lot of reservations about it

i used to um now i

i’ve never been afraid of carbs so i you

know i had a bagel

toasted and i used to you know spread it

right there

yeah i don’t fear carbs so much as i

have a healthy respect for them

okay keep going okay

yeah so so i would um you so you you

fear carbs in the same way that you

would like fear god

it’s out of sort of a it’s it’s a sort

of like a reverence

no yeah absolutely and um when i go

to brunch i’m like hey keep that god

basket away from me right

am i right

yeah i guess i guess i don’t feel

i don’t quite feel the same but in any

case um

so i i was going to school

and you know peop this this is how some

of these things get um i was

i liked garlic a lot yeah and i was in

high school

and a lot of my friends were getting

into garlic and you know you see all the

commercials and stuff like

don’t do whatever and so so i get um

i i start going heavy with it like i i

have a bagel that i just

cover and like i spread the garlic on it

like butter

and along with butter and so so i eat

that and then

i get to school and like

you yeah i guess with with thanksgiving

dr london it’s okay

you reach a point where and this this

i i guess my rock bottom if we’re

man i did not think today was going to

go like this um but but i get to school

and i

i s i speak and

as i’m talking to someone i think whose

breath smells so bad

and i’m walking around dr london

and and it was my breath it was your

breath

yeah and so i you know that day i

decided like

maybe on top of your normal stink you’ve

got

extra garlicky stink that day that was

really sad i remember that day

yeah well because we all you know kind

of recognize our own odors usually but

this was a new one this was a scary one

this is one that i didn’t want to

perpetuate so i

i cut i mean not cold turkey you can’t

cut cold turkey obviously with no with

garlic

but i i got a new program and i

decreased it you know family was very

supportive

i got out of it um of course through the

podcast we made some connections and

kind of got back into the garlic biz

again

yeah so you were put on you went to a

rehab and got put on garlic down right

yeah that’s right yeah

and uh you know like and it’s

it’s very helpful you know these these

places do a lot of good uh

but you know even the the garlic down

has

some some benefits in any case so

i’m just a weekend user like i don’t

know i’m an addict

i think i’m doing pretty good i’m just

like a weekend guy you know

maybe on the weekends make some pizza

with some garlic on the crust

you know yeah lose the crust itself

just eat the garlic and the butter

and i mean you know you know like

vacations and holidays of course yeah

yeah

and you and the occasional week night

yeah of course i was gonna say

the weeknights you have declared

holidays and you’ll text me to make

i guess to document it as a holiday oh i

mean

if jimmy fallon’s on tv it’s a holiday

to me

i’ve said that for a really long time

yeah aggressively too yeah um

anyway so so i guess um as aggressive as

jimmy gets after

after a few yeah

yeah which is scary and intimidating

yeah we’ve heard the stories

but um so so i guess that brings me to

the fact that

i you know i’m hesitant to get back into

the game but

we did already do an informal agreement

yeah saying that are you trying i don’t

know what you’re getting at are you

saying that we should up our order to

2000.

i i think so yeah can we up our order to

2000.

do we get a discount absolutely except

you up it to 3 000 i’ll throw in the cat

oh wow does that do anything for you

i’ll throw in the cat

complimentary cat we get winona yes yes

you would get to keep her and and

i will throw in the cat purse it’s my

own design oh

wow what do you say what do you say i’ll

do anything to make a sale am i making

it for you no you won

come on you say you’ll do anything will

you will you

uh like do the dishes yes i’ll do it yes

i’ll do it i’ll do it

okay so if you can do the dishes at your

own house

is that it and my own house

yeah take our dishes to your house i

don’t want you doing them here

take your dishes to your house do the

dishes and then we’re just trying them

uh-huh

yeah and then what else i don’t i mean

will she kill someone for it do we want

it she doesn’t want to kill someone i’ve

never thought about it

before i’ve never had the option cameron

this is these aggressive

flattery helpful techniques that i

that’s why i got out of the game

she’s being so aggressive about it like

with the flattery and her helpfulness

and offering to clean stuff for us

no i’m asking that doctor like in

exchange for getting 3 000

we get stuff out of it too because

she’ll do anything for a sale

i’m asking do we want to kill someone i

don’t know

like you two no i you are so good at

whispering

so oh thank you thank you i’ve been

practicing

so um just like

i no don’t let cameron let’s not have

anyone killed i i don’t

know ethically i have reservations

yeah about killing people

i don’t know like but maybe just have

her wash your car

okay i guess that can be a decent

trade-off i mean i know part of your car

is gone

but the part that’s still there that you

haven’t converted into a boat for the

promotional purposes which now i get it

now i get that it was a part of your

sailing

thing yeah uh that because

the car is upside down oh that could be

something that our

our audience would really like uh uh

darlene would you be willing to kill

davey jones for us oh my gosh

yeah of course who is that yeah totally

i’ll totally do it

i’ll totally murder him in his sleep and

then i’ll leave a clove of garlic on his

body

davey jones doesn’t he live does he does

he live at the bottom of the ocean

i don’t know bob spongebob does that

oh but and he’s the only one

i don’t know i don’t i don’t keep up a

lot with uh

with people and you know this isn’t to

be

i don’t know uh prejudice or anything

but there are people from other

regions of the world such as under the

sea that i don’t

keep in contact with regularly but i

feel like i would understand them more

if i

was around them more well davey jones

his big breakout role was the second

pirates of the caribbean movie where he

had like

a squid beard or something or like a

squid face

and he was very mean to our friends

johnny depp

and um orlando bloom they’re your first

feelings about johnny depp at this point

but yes

yeah your friends yeah

well well they’re definitely kind of

friends is that an issue

no no it’s not an issue i just named my

cat

winona ryder so i would think that

it’s not an issue though it’s fine have

you ever kissed a guy with a squish

it’s wild have i what kiss a guy with a

squid beard

oh no i can’t say that i have it’s wild

i recommend it if you want me to i could

have one here in a half hour

squid beard boy i kissed someone who had

like

like horse hooves for mouths so not

really squiddy but it was more like

horse hooves

yeah that was interesting yeah well

tinder you kind of get that kind of

stuff there so it’s

um any case i so so i feel like we’re

we’re just about

done with the deal and i i we just we

just have these chores to do

um okay so let’s just finish it here

three thousand mm-hmm kill davey jones

do our dishes but at your house and

bring it at my house uh-huh great i’m

just drawing up the paperwork now

okay i mean all right i think this is

great all right you have the official

jock dock seal of approval you got the

stamp

i’m so happy to get this stamp it means

so much

that you trust me to deliver this garlic

to you

yeah it’s um it’s it’s a highly

competitive

not not unlike the the garlic uh

community

the the jock talk podcast uh stamp of

approval is

highly sought after and difficult to

obtain and but

i you know cards on the table you i feel

like you broke

each of us down completely and

we went through our addiction-ish anyway

so so

you know you kind of earned this and to

whatever extent

um but but we have to take care of these

chores and

uh right do you want me to explain what

you’re talking about

yeah yeah if you could uh so a while ago

we realized that we had been neglecting

a lot of chores a lot of things on our

to-do list

and so we put together this fun little

wheel that we call the chore wheel

and every week when we do the show we

spin it and whatever it lands on that is

the task that we have to do

just to knock it out and again one of

the reasons we’re

asking someone to do the dishes is

because we’ve yet to land on do the

dishes

and so it’s sort of just been piling up

and piling up and molding and

there’s a lot to make it easier on us

yeah yeah there’s a lot of dish stink so

sort of as stinky as a baby born from a

garlic addict

um allegedly savory uh-huh uh-huh yeah

allegedly a very savory smell

um so uh darlene can you go ahead

and give the wheel a bit of a spin oh

i’ll do you one better i’m gonna hold up

winona and she’s gonna spin it with her

little paw

go ahead noni

ah not this one oh dang no i didn’t

i should have i should have expected

this to happen really but yeah i knew

this was going to happen one day

i mean it’s on the list so of course

it’s on the list it’s on so

yeah so it says of course um

it’s part of and it is odd that our last

few have kind of been

the spring cleaning sort of theme

but uh this this one says we

read through journals and clean out old

mindsets and thought patterns

so uh i get it’s kind of like spring

cleaning

like with the dishes because people do

that every spring

but instead of doing the dishes it’s

like doing the dishes of your mind

through the journals that you’ve written

and so

we everything that’s unhealthy that

we’ve written down we we

throw out and replace it with it a good

mindset a good thought pattern

okay do you wanna you wanna give us a

show us how that sounds dr london

yeah and so and i should also say like

there is a sticky note on here

and i don’t know it’s very odd

considering that this is all at random

but it does say

and try to relate it to st patrick’s day

so we have to relate our like mental

health

improvements to st patrick’s day somehow

it says

try i don’t okay yeah i mean it’s a

chore i

i don’t i’m really wondering what the

the day

someone wrote that down and i can’t

recognize the handwriting anyway

um yeah so let me just uh

take out my journal and so this is from

uh you know we’re trying to get rid of

old thought patterns bad you know

unhealthy ways of thinking and doing

things

so this is from a bad time in my life

yeah so let me just uh

woke up today

ate a bagel

not in everything bagel no this one

this one had garlic oh this hurts to

here

uh-huh

i tell people that i spread it like

butter

because that makes it you know relatable

to butter and that’s that’s that’s

relatable

but really it’s a mountain sometimes i

throw out the bagel all together

and i just take spoonfuls handfuls

i eat the garlic as is minster not

cloves going keep going this is almost

there this is all my life

this is every this is all of me and

that’s how i want it to be and if ever

someday comes

whenever i try to give up this

to call it a habit almost makes it sound

negative

if anyone tries to persuade me that this

is not the life i want to live

i can spit garlic in their face

and deny that because this is the best

i’ve ever felt

wow anyway so so that’s kind of kind of

in the depths of your addiction dr

london

yeah i and honestly and you know

i don’t even remember writing that you

were probably blacked out on garlic

that’s what i’m saying because because i

don’t remember

using that much garlic um

can i just say i found that highly

erotic and yes i

did complete if you know what i mean i

thought that was great

thank you for sharing yeah

wow i guess thank you um and normally

whenever i

it does bring in a new element

for why you’re in this business i guess

but in any case um yes i

it’s good to share and because that that

way i can get past

this so normally i don’t pick up these

journals and read them later

i’m kind of always looking ahead i mean

can we just ask

real quick since it was brought up

darlene do you are you sexually involved

with

garlic what how how dare you

what no i would never no

i have no idea what that means um

me too i don’t know uh-uh not me

not me and garlic not me in a clove

or a ball or two bulbs have you ever

made out with two bulbs of garlic

huh no not never lips

look cameron’s had experience with the

hooves it’s you know we’ve all we’ve all

had these

moments in our dating lives in our

relationships where

maybe we do things that we

looking back we aren’t as it doesn’t

look as favorable but

uh did you say favorable or flavorable

now i said favorable but

flavorable i suppose also applies

strongly to this

um but any case uh

for for me i do want to because because

i

i feel like we might be on about to hear

something

a little bit more from from darlene but

for me i want to say

i’ve gotten past that mindset and

thought pattern and now

i don’t um i want to let can

cameron handle most of the business with

this garlic going forward if yeah yeah i

can i can deal with the garlic stuff

that’s fine i deal with most

of the things on the show yeah yeah just

because i feel like this

is um i would have to to compromise a

lot of my

resolutions that i made but dr london so

what are you doing

to to flip the script on on these things

you’re struggling with right isn’t this

the point the point of this is like

cleaning out

yeah so honestly i thought that

saying that you were in charge of all

that stuff now would be it but

it sounds like that’s not satisfactory

so i guess

going forward maybe um i’m gonna have

okay so my problem in that journal entry

was

i was throwing away the bagel and

eating only the garlic so now i’m gonna

throw away all the garlic and eat only

bagels

that’s i think that’s a great

improvement i hate this i

i opposite if completed when you said

that

i’m yeah i’m sorry to hear that i’m back

at zero now

if you know what i mean i was at plus

one

it’s pretty sad try as the sahara

if you want to get graphic yes okay so

anyway i

i feel like you know i’ve shared and

maybe

darlene if you wouldn’t mind sharing um

yeah i’d love to

maybe yeah yeah um

just when i’m done just let me know if

either of you completes during this

i just want to know yeah i’m pretty

confident that i won’t so i’m going to

say that up front

um but you know if i’m taken by surprise

i will let you know if i’m taking my

surprise i think you’ll hear

if i like if i react a certain way

um but well

i i guess we’ll see well i think that’s

pretty confident but

i guess we’ll see all right here we go

march 17 2011.

today was unseasonably warm i wore a

green shirt

and green umbros and green shoes as i

walked proudly down the street

i walked past that frat house swamp

lands too

excuse me no sorry i didn’t mean to

interrupt you must be from the

swamplands too because you’re wearing

green and doing all those things

if you are interrupting i’m going to

assume you’re interrupting to tell me

you’re completing

and oh i’m sorry i apologize that is the

rule

that is the right interrupt again

okay um walking down the street i walked

past

that terrible frat house the pie bettas

they looked at me and they started

screaming things like

hey toot you smell like a salami

and one of them threw a cup of green

beer at me and i was glad that i was

already wearing all green because if i

was wearing a white shirt

it would get green and also kind of

see-through

and i didn’t want that

so another one of them frat boys

didn’t throw green beer at me but also

said that i smelled like a salami

and soon the whole lot of them were

chanting salameh

salame and i ran home

crying

wow that sounds like a really tough

experience it was awful

yeah and i no i’m just just thinking of

bagels um so whenever they talk to you

about salami

uh is that because that’s a dish that

you like

i think it’s because i had eaten a lot

of garlic the night before

and it was kind of radiating out of my

pores and giving me a salami salami-like

odor yeah yeah yeah whenever i think of

uh sorry if this sounds you know

insensitive but

uh garlic breath uh whenever i have that

then yeah most people say oh is there

salamis in here

yeah someone calls you salami boy i have

to ask when i was reading that did

either of

you no bagels strong thoughts

yes the whole time no i like you had

said the opposite of that

that’s sort of that’s kind of it’s fully

up in my body is basically what i did

for my

own self-confidence i’m going to

pretend it was the opposite of that okay

so it sounds like that’s her

form of spring cleaning is pretending

that we really really really enjoyed

that story

great so cameron do you want to share

your well i mean i guess i’ll go ahead

and read mine

which is um march 17th

uh 1986. i

go out on the town and my brownest of

brown poo colored

shirt with my brownest of brown poo

colored baseball cap

of course you wear the baseball cap

backwards as is tradition on st

patrick’s day

and i took my little jackrabbit down

to the spaghetti restaurant because

that’s of course that’s where everyone

meets and eats it’s a you know it’s a

holiday of spaghetti

um and uh

i ate so much spaghetti that i uh

sort of uh puked spaghetti goo

everywhere

and that was really embarrassing that’s

what my journal entry says

yeah um okay so and i hate myself

because of it i think about it every

single day

i want to die so

what part of that do you think is making

you want to die making you hate yourself

my stomach hurts still

every time i eat like a gigantic amount

of spaghetti my stomach hurts so bad

so do you think that maybe going forward

you could try

not eating giant amounts of spaghetti

you should replace it with giant amounts

of garlic mmm

i like that that is interesting

it’s healing properties

yeah i can commit to that what kind of

healing properties

like my foot’s been broken for like a

year is that going to help this

yes absolutely garlic is an osteoretic

which means it

uh grows bones back that’ll help wow

yeah that’s awesome sure

in any case um we can we can go ahead

and take

down the chore wheel uh now we’ve got um

do you just want to shoot it well i i

don’t have a wrecking ball

okay yeah just use the wrecking ball

yeah just go ahead that’s easier because

that’s gravity

dylan can you pull the wrecking ball

crank and to destroy the chore wheel

this week

yes winona watch out oh my god the cat

no no no oh god oh

oh she’s so flat and bloody it’s so

bad oh god

[Music]

i didn’t really want a cat anyway i’m

going to be completely honest and it

winona hates you so maybe this is for

the best

i think everything happens for a reason

right yes

yeah everything happens for a reason

you’re super wise you’re super wise and

that’s what i love about you that was a

quick recovery well um

so that feels like a good time to kind

of wrap things up i feel like we’ve

um you know resolved some of our well at

least one of us has

resolved an issue no i guess a lot of us

so anyway um thank you uh darlene

toot for for being on the podcast thank

you for being on jack talk podcast

is there any way for listeners to keep

up with you of course just go to the

website garlic.com backslash raw

and search for my name darlene2 and

don’t forget

i’ll do anything to make a sale

i guess that yeah yeah uh don’t forget

to subscribe to our

john tech podcast patreon yes and

this month i believe we’re going to be

giving out some of

dr lund london’s dreams

he has these recurring dreams and he’s

gonna he can give them to you so he’ll

never dream it again and they’re yours

to keep

we’re gonna add a tear just for that and

it’s tough because

uh i used to keep a dream journal but

now i’m not

i can’t do that anymore because they are

given away no yes so we’re

and we’re doing um you know we’re not

giving them pieces of the journal we’re

making a cgi

video of your dream yeah

and uh you know it’s it’s a high

production cost and

part of the deal is once i i can’t

relive any of it i’m not allowed to see

this stuff

yeah i’m not allowed to to have my own

personal record of it

uh these are my dreams that i can i can

no longer access they are for

you the listener so uh enjoy those

um anyway thank you uh to cameron our

producer

for um really angling this towards the

strong nautical theme i

like that that the strong nautical theme

we’ve been

pushing throughout uh thank you

DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

did you do in the hose

oh hello hello ahoy ahoy ahoy my name is

darlene toot

thank you for having me on i am a

territory manager

to the southwest for garlic and i’ll do

anything to make a sale

i’ll do anything to make the sale

[Music]

i’ll do anything to make

oh my gosh yeah of course who is that

yeah totally i’ll totally do it

i’ll totally murder him in his sleep and

then i’ll leave a clove of garlic on his

body

because my fart smelled just like garlic

because my fart smelled

[Music]

my name is dr London Smith (.com) and this

has been the jock doc podcast ahoy

91. Acute Mesenteric Ischemia/George Jar Jar Martin (feat. Ezra Parter)

hey kids you are about to listen to a

comedy podcast that means that anonymous

has medical advice if you need medical

advice and medical care please contact

your doctor

welcome to the jock doc podcast

featuring

dr london smith stay tuned for a very

important and heartfelt

thought-provoking conversation between

dr london his producer cameron and their

special guest

now let’s get it lit up in this mother

introducing

your host dr london smith hello

and welcome to the jock doc podcast

where we discuss fitness and health

and how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring

i’m your host dr londonsmith.com i would

like to begin

by apologizing to our listeners we

received some feedback about the

excessive amount of technical medical

terms that i’ve been using such as

hysteroscopic myomectomy and ravioli

i will try to temper my terminology to a

simpler one in the future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron oh hey dr london

oh my god hey are you you’re doing all

right you sound kind of scared

sorry yeah i’m i’m sort of exhausted

i’ve actually

um sort of been um taking care of my

my girlfriend lately she’s kind of come

down with some stuff and

just trying to help out you know yeah

you you were talking about your

girlfriend a little bit

but sort of vaguely what um how long how

long have you been dating

um well we’ve been dating on and off

since well not 9 11 it was 9

14 it was like on the 14th but that’s

how you remember it in 2001 yeah

that’s kind of how i remember yeah and

so and so just sort of on and off

since then okay and so so i guess it’s

on right now it’s on right now but i

mean it’s just i mean dr london i’m

exhausted this

things are really tough she um you know

i don’t want to i don’t know if it’s a

hipaa violation or what i don’t

i don’t want to like spill her secrets

or whatever but this is a medical

podcast and she’s

dealing with a medical issue um she has

come down with um i don’t know how to

say this

she um my girlfriend is adorkable

okay and it’s not you know it’s one of

those things people kind of forget about

like i think it was

maybe um people were more afflicted by

it a lot more from like

2004 to 2012.

yeah but it still exists to this day and

i i mean dr london just to tell a story

i mean just the other day

you know she she’s so obsessed with this

phone that looks like a taco it’s her

taco phone

and she wanted to take it into the bath

with her because she only takes bubble

baths instead of showers

right and then it zapped her warby

parkers right off of her face

and onto like a wicker basket that she

was using as a tv tray

okay that that that does sound she

adorable i was trying to get out of the

bathtub and she went

whoa but she caught herself because of

how

yeah because of how adorkable she is

yeah and the shin started playing in the

background and it’s just

it’s a lot of work dr london yeah that

sounds

i i guess that sounds difficult so the

way you’re talking about it like in

certain

you know ranges all her pets have

human first names they’re just like fred

and

adam and things like that yeah so

like the way you’re talking about it

sounds like she replaced her mattress dr

london with just old vinyl records

there’s no sheets there’s no blankets so

damn cold yeah that

okay well that part to me doesn’t sound

adorable

it just sounds impractical

well yeah i’m sorry you know i’m sorry

you’re struggling right now yeah

all right yeah well just you know i was

hoping you’d give me

maybe a little bit of help here what

kind of what i can do

but okay i guess off top of my head

maybe

if she’s very adorable and you want to

make her less adorable you could get her

like a cool leather jacket

that’d be oh she would hate that yeah

well i’m saying if you want to

she would despise that yeah but

do you want my relationship to be off

again

i don’t it’s been off for almost 20

years

i get okay the timeline

so you started dating on 9 14

a few days after 9 11.

and then you stopped for

yeah by like nine like a 9 17 we were

done

okay and then but now we’re back on

again

okay it’s been this like back and forth

on and off

like kind of thing for a long time now

yeah i guess

in the time that you’ve known her it

sounds like it’s been more

far more off than it has been on but

yeah you mean what i

what i thought i knew about her i didn’t

realize

i was getting into a relationship with

someone who is

is adorable yeah i’m sorry is it

remarkable i’m sorry to hear and that

was just one piece of advice maybe maybe

i’ll think of something else

you know over the course you think she

only has a taco phone you think she

doesn’t have a hamburger phone and maybe

a phone that looks like a philly

cheesesteak

hell yeah she does dr london yeah that’s

that’s tough she hit me over the head

with her ukulele just the other day okay

so that so that was our producer cameron

also with us

is DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

[Music]

my girlfriend is adorkable

[Music]

i mean just the other day you know she

she’s so obsessed with this phone that

looks like a taco it’s her taco phone

adorable and she wanted to take it into

the bath with her because she

needs bubble baths instead of showers

and then it

zapped her warby parkers right off of

her face and onto

a wicker basket that she was using as a

tv tray

[Music]

she hit me over the head with her

[Music]

ukulele

[Music]

later uh cameron tells me we also have a

special guest is that right cameron

that’s right dr london but before we

move on i would like to address a bit of

listener feedback

so i found this note written in graffiti

in a cd part of town that i was visiting

for

um for research uh the note reads quote

my papi taught me to fish but i can’t

anymore because of arthritis so now i go

to long john

silver’s the next best thing end quote

so first of all thank you so much to

this listener for reaching out to us

here on the jock talk podcast

um to answer your question i am glad

that you found a way to compensate for

you know for your joint inflammation

that’s well

dr lennon if you said you saw this in

graffiti like on a wall

yeah but that’s how dr london that’s

probably not a question it’s probably

the name of a

gang oh you think

my padme taught me to fish but i can’t

anymore because arthritis

so now i go to long john silver’s the

next best thing is the name of the gang

if you saw it in graffiti then yes

that’s their tag dr london and now we’re

just like saying

all the time on the podcast i feel like

we’re maybe attracting bad customers i

don’t want to get in trouble here or the

authorities could be after us if we

are labeled as being part of this gang

so

i don’t know what how to okay so

you know look i guess let’s disavow

unless

no we don’t want to be involved unless

they want to trade well is that what to

say

trade names is that what you’re saying

no just like maybe set up a trading sort

of relationship so we can sort of trade

goods and services with

oh see different members of our

community

uh gang members in our community

no i um no i feel like we should

probably

if this is a gang which i didn’t realize

i’m not as street smart as you are

so if this is a gang that we’re dealing

with then i think

from my knowledge of gangs we want to to

stay away because they they could be

doing something

illegal do you

do you see how that’s a concern i i

guess i

see it as sort of like an ethical

concern

but it’s not a monetary concern and this

is a business

so i guess i don’t really understand

where the line is

but you know you this is your podcast

you make your decisions

but if anyone out there is involved in

anything and they need a contact and

they want to hit me up just go ahead and

do so

okay well to that listener thank you for

listening i’m on gab

yeah yeah you guys can can gab uh

now for today’s medical topic acute

mesenteric ischemia

acute mesenteric ischemia is sort of

like a heart attack for your intestinal

tract

in that it results from a compromised

blood supply usually to the superior

mesenteric

blood vessels plus it has the same

initials

as an acute myocardial ischemia which is

you know the medical term for a heart

attack so uh

in it’s like once again the heart attack

for your gut

so acute mesenteric ischemia can be

categorized into

four types three of which are due to

arterial disease and one due to venous

disease

arterial so instead of a heart instead

of a heart attack it’s more like a butt

attack

right it’s it it’s more

symptoms can be closer to the butt yes

that’s

that’s more true than well but usually

you’ll feel it in the

you know the abdomen area so you’d say

it’s a gut attack

so it’s a gut and butt attack maybe like

a two-fold gut and butt

it’s more i i would say you know what

i can’t definitively say it’s a gut and

bud double blaster so i think maybe

instead of calling it a heart attack for

the intestines for the rest of this

lesson if you could just call it a gut

and butt double blaster that would i

think that would clear things up for our

audience

okay so um one type of a

a gut and butt double blaster um is

arterial embolism

uh which uh in this case the emboli or

blood clot

comes from the heart because of

something like atrial fibrillation or

heart attack

and then that travels down and clogs an

artery to the colon

another type is arterial thrombosis

which is when a patient’s blood vessels

are so clogged up from atherosclerosis

that a short-term decrease in blood

supply from some heart issue

is enough to prevent the blood from

reaching the colon patients may also

have

yeah yeah no it’s it is bad when it

happens

oh that’s gotta hurt and yes it can be

it can be painful

um let’s see patients may also have

non-occlusive mesenteric ischemia uh

that’s seen in ill elderly patients

in which blood vessel constriction in

response to low cardiac output

just limits the amount of blood reaching

the colon so

not enough blood going around the blood

vessels constrict and uh

the colon gets gets hit by low blood

supply

and lastly there is venous thrombosis

which has many predisposing factors such

as

infection hypercoagulable states oral

contraceptives portal hypertension

malignancy and pancreatitis

clinically patients can present acutely

with

severe abdominal pain disproportionate

to physical findings

so as you said cameron it can be very

painful

pain is due to ischemia and possibly

infarction of intestines

once again very similar to a heart

attack or

you know in cameron’s words it’d be a a

gut

and butt double blaster

the abdominal exam may appear normal

even when there is severe ischemia

so that can actually lead to a delay in

diagnosis depending on the type of acute

mysenteric ischemia i’m sorry

a gut and blood double blaster the

acuteness and severity of pain may vary

patients may also have anorexia vomiting

mild gastrointestinal bleeding

which is an example of the the butt

blasting

the pain oh the butt blasting yeah and

even sepsis and shock and advanced

disease the difference i do not

interrupt in here but earlier when you

said venous thrombosis

i did want to say something about maybe

like men are from mars thrombosis and

women are from venus thrombosis

but i didn’t think it was funny and so

that’s why i didn’t say it

but i feel like it should be said just

in case someone at home

like has the same thought and they they

think that they would want to interject

with that if they were on the show

yeah i’m just gonna say right now that

would be a bad decision because i almost

made that decision and then i kind of

held back and it was

it was very you know good of you to show

restraint

so um the definitive diagnostic test is

mesenteric

angiography also important is to obtain

a plain film of the abdomen to exclude

other causes of abdominal pain

classically the appearance of

what’s called thumb printing on barium

enema may be present due to

thickened edematous mucosal foals so

treatment

involves supportive measures with iv

fluids and broad spectrum antibiotics

additionally direct intra-arterial

infusion of

papaverin a vasodilator is injected into

a superior mesenteric system during

arteriography

as a therapy of choice for all arterial

causes of acute mesenteric ischemia

with sorry gut and butt double blaster

which relieves the occlusion and

vasospasm direct

intra-arterial infusion of thrombolytics

or

embolectomy may be indicated in some

patients with

an acute embolic reason sorry uh

gut butt double blast you’re getting

tired of what you’re

saying no it’s it’s just it’s just one

of those things where

you know teaching is a lot that’s all

but uh

that’s you know that’s what we’re here

for that’s the entire reason this

podcast exists

is to teach medicine so yeah but i need

more i need a little more energy

okay sorry um so uh heparin

anticoagulation is the treatment of

choice for venous thrombosis

or from mars thrombose

surgery which would involve resection of

non-viable bowel

uh may be needed in all types of

gutten but double blaster if if signs of

peritonitis develop and to just to

clarify for anyone who’s

maybe a little bit more academic about

it that lesson was about

another term for gut and butt double

blaster would be

acute mesenteric ischemia just just for

the clarification those are for the

nerds and actually if you if you want to

get into the real nitty-gritty of

these kind of details you really need to

sign up for our patreon because this is

what we do

most of the time on our patreon is i i

talk about

all the medical knowledge that i have dr

london sort of takes a back seat

yeah and it’s i’ve i’ve learned a lot

i’ve there are things that you say that

i’ve never

heard and

and normally i i wouldn’t

pay full tuition for it but the price of

our patreon is a lot less than tuition

so yeah in that regard i see it as

worthwhile

well that’s the great thing with you

specifically dr london is that

your payments you don’t have to pay

anything it just gets deducted out of

your

jock talk paycheck yeah go straight to

my medical lessons

yeah yeah i know that man that is great

um anyway that’s uh that’s our medical

lesson let’s go ahead and move on to uh

you said we have a guest right

that’s right dr london and look i’m

gonna be completely honest here i’ve

said in the past

that we’ve had some of the craziest and

some of the wildest

and some of the coolest guests ever but

this this is definitely

somewhere on that list yes okay

so so you’re just saying that they are a

guest that’s the

yes 100

okay i mean i guess that’s not a that’s

not a bad thing

okay um well hello there my name is dr

londonsmith.com

and this is our producer cameron uh what

was your name hi

oh hi i i’m george jar jar martin very

pleasure to be here that i gotta say

that was the most glowing introduction

i’ve ever had

so thank you so much for that no one

george jar jar martin like the you’re

the writer

oh no no no relation to george r.r

martin i

am george jar jar martin the rewriter i

i am working on rewriting the game of

thrones books to make them

to make them better because you know so

many people didn’t like the way that the

tv show ended

oh yeah i mean that it was

like game of thrones was all anyone

talked about for a while and then the

second it was over

it’s like it evaporated from the

cultural consciousness

yeah it evaporated from a lot of

people’s cultural consciousnesses and

then there’s some people

uh who are still clinging to it and love

to talk about it yeah i i

so i never actually got into the whole

you know game of thrones thing but maybe

you know maybe i’ll appreciate your take

because you know for me

a lot of the turn offs were like the the

characters seemed kind of

i don’t know excessively evil in my mind

oh sure sure

i found to be less relatable so maybe

you know well and i do i do want to say

like i i definitely want to hear

about your books but you called us and

i did is this some is this a medical

podcast i have

i have medical things i do yes yeah sure

yes absolutely i’d love to get to that

before we get to

anything else that’s the most important

thing to me um yeah i

well so i’ve been writing so much

staying here in my cabin

in new mexico not interacting with the

world just so i could get

this sixth rewritten book done uh my

version of the sixth book not george

rr’s

uh right and i’ve just been i’ve been

living a very sedentary life and i’m

wondering

you know do you have any advice for

somebody whose butt hurts

oh of from just sitting for so

long and so much i think so yeah

well i think first of all just getting

up and walking

not being sedentary is actually a really

good trick

that’s that’s a lot to expect of someone

dr london

are you i mean not everyone is

gonna like not sit down all the time

well the the sedentary lifestyle is

actually you know that that’s kind of

notoriously bad for people and it

you know it contributes to obesity and

everything so really

a good idea is to be you know getting up

walking

yeah but surely you can learn how to

live a non-sedentary

lifestyle without having to get up you

know you put the

put yeah like put put you know with like

get a chair with wheels right so you can

just kind of scoot around that’s burning

some calories you’re moving your legs

yeah i mean you’re i mean you’re

technically burning some calories just

by existing because

you know your your body takes calories

to function

just just to stay alive oh so you’re

saying exercise isn’t even necessary

it’s kind of just a scam it’s something

your body does

automatically that is so interesting and

i this is

one of the reasons i’m not just uh the

producer of this podcast but i’m a fan

dr london

yeah but so in any case um

so george do you mind if i just call you

jar jar is that easier

uh uh you know what sure let’s do that

yeah go ahead and call me jar jar i

might i might forget to respond thinking

that you’re referring to the star wars

character but

but i expect most of the time i’m

familiar i’ll i’ll i’ll know you mean me

okay so jar jar did you um

okay so so you came here because you had

this problem where

you you’ve been sitting on your ear for

so long that it has

i guess developed pain possibly i don’t

know

ulcers if you really don’t move uh

sounds like butt hurt syndrome

yeah that’s what i was googling i was

googling butt hurt syndrome and it kept

telling me that i was emotionally

unstable and i don’t think that’s the

problem i don’t think it’s an emotional

issue that makes my butt hurt

well you know sometimes your emotions

can sort of manifest themselves

physically sometimes the stress in your

body can

affect your actual physical makeup so i

mean argue

are you up is there any truth to this

well that’s interesting because i’ve

always found that you know my writing is

my stress relief

and most of my job is that and i i feel

better

on days when i’m doing the writing part

of my job but on the days where i have

to do the reading part of my job because

obviously as a a rewriter i have to

spend

half of my time reading and then half of

my time writing

what i’ve read in a new way so and that

it takes it’s an equal share the amount

of time it takes to read versus write

yeah it’s 100 equal um i i write

one page a minute and i read one page a

minute

wow so it’s

completely one to one yeah some of the

time i do have to spend a little bit of

time in between the

writing and the reading when i have to

think about what to do and that usually

i i think at about one page a minute as

well

okay so so fully getting it done

is is more like one page every two

minutes

a minute to think about it and a minute

to rewrite it

yes so yeah i do have a three-minute

process where i read a page

think about it and then rewrite it oh

you’re doing it one page at a time

that well often i do find like even

logical sectioning or anything like that

well so that’s that’s the advantage of

my rewriting process

i i actually i based on what i’ve

rewritten into the books

the last time i visited some so let’s

say okay let me use

a good example here let’s say we’re

thinking about uh

well dr linda you said that your least

favorite part of game of thrones was

that sometimes the characters

are inherently evil who would you say is

the most evil character

well honestly i didn’t make it that far

through but

uh like all the people the character you

found the most evil

uh uh as you were reading it whoever was

that

that chopped a head off in the first

i guess book um that

shot that chopped a head off are you

are you talking about ned stark

oh in the first yes in the first scene

you considered

ned stark to be the like most evil

villain of the series that is

that actually is a really interesting

take

yeah yeah i guess he go ahead well he

kept

trying to be in control and he kept

trying to control things

and like everyone else is just trying to

live their lives

so that’s that was frustrating to me

yeah ned stark

trying to like feed his family and stuff

i mean i look it’s been a bit since i

tried to read it but i don’t remember

him feeding his family that much it was

mostly like

politics and uh i guess that’s true i’ve

been

wolves i’ve been reading that those

books a page at a time and i’ll tell you

there’s a mention of food on literally

every page

okay and you know sorry yeah personally

i would say the most evil character in

the series also from the very first

episode

is the old woman who is telling bran

like

ghost stories while he’s injured

yeah yeah no scaring kids is notoriously

evil that’s absolutely true

so what i would do in my book process is

i would what i what exactly exactly what

i have done many times

but uh say we’re starting right now okay

and i’m looking saying this i’m looking

at these scenarios

okay so this is a hypothetical scenario

that i’m suggesting

so i’m saying it i’m saying that in this

scenario

uh uh we’re starting with just looking

at this right here

and you’re saying ned stark chopping the

head off that guy was the most evil

thing that could happen

so what we’ll do is we’ll just replace

ned stark with something people like

like um bambi uh

seven-time nfl super bowl champion tom

brady tom

brady okay uh be ned stark so now now

in the new in the new version of the

book that i’d i’ll customize

a book for you i’ll write a version of

the sixth book of game of thrones

for you uh uh so your version would have

ned stark as tom brady

instead not doing all those evil things

just being good

i gotta i gotta throw it out there but

if tom brady’s in there you have to get

papa john as well they’re contractually

in everything together

that’s a very good point you can’t have

one without the other

so i guess papa john maybe maybe tom

brady’s cutting the head off of papa

john

well that sounds great to me yes so tom

what about tom brady is now knight

and this is handling all the feeding

people thing because that was i had

issue with that obviously

so if we separated those two jobs

so that’s interesting because this is

the first time that somebody has pitched

somebody who’s more unpopular

than what happened in the books uh to me

so so for me i’m thinking papa john well

people don’t like him

i don’t want to include him but if you

want him then your version would have

papa john as a good guy so i guess

if you think papa john’s a good guy

london dr london then then for sure in

your version

we can have that well it’s kind of you

know he’s papa john he’s like the

patriarch of his society

not unlike the character in these books

and so it’s not that i like him it’s

just that he has that

charisma that you know that the book

you know if you take out the ned stark

you might be lacking in that

that charismatic figure that you love to

hate

what if okay what if what if uh

papa john is robert baratheon then

king robert oh and so so

london ned becomes sort of the

right-hand man

to his sort of old colleague the king

robert baratheon that king is now papa

john who is the king of pizza

it’s a perfect one to win okay and if

we’re gonna if we’re gonna expand this

out logically

instead of the seven kingdoms i guess it

would be

the seven like pizza chains

that’s right it would be the seven

franchise locations and and i think that

that’s

and i think that that’s a great

improvement so now we have

a book series that’s not about a bunch

of evil people

fighting over a throne when instead they

should be paying attention to the

the end of humanity that’s coming in the

form of white walkers in winter

instead of that we have seven different

franchise papa john locations fighting

over who gets to determine the supply

chain

wow this is incredible that’s the book

that you

that’s the book that you wanted dr

london yeah

you’re saying it to me as if this is bad

news and like these are the consequences

of my words

but you’re describing the the perfect

book

yeah absolutely i’m just i’m the perfect

book for you and and i hope i hope you

enjoy it yeah i mean this is the great

american novel

so are the white walkers gonna be i

guess

they’re all about the butter and garlic

on the pizza now

is that white walkers i would think

maybe it would be a different industry

that is trying to

kill chain pizza and that’s

exactly right and so in your version of

the books i think

the white walkers would be represented

by mom and pop spaghetti stores

the evil mom and pop pizza places

the evil like local italian eateries

who are trying to kill the noble chains

the immigrants who are just trying to

make their way and

share their family’s secret recipes to

make people

you know happy and have a good meal

those are the ones the folks the folks

who are just trying to serve

up a spicy meatball every once in a

while you know

those folks are coming um spicy

meatballs are coming would be the new

uh uh banner slogan for house stark

that says i say mate the ball

right what was that one character who

supposedly i’m going off of you know i

read part of the first book that’s

that’s as much as i know so sure um i

know that

there’s a character named jon snow who

died but then didn’t die

yeah so what what is that in this

papa john’s oh you have an issue with

that

that’s a bad thing you want to change i

guess you’re not into

you know saviors of mankind who come

back from the dead after three it sounds

like jar jar here is

only can i call you jar jar abrams

um yeah yeah i’ll try to remember to

respond to that i might think you’re

referring to

either the star wars character or the

movie director but i will do my best to

respond when you call so what jar jar

abrams is saying here

is that he’s changing all the bad stuff

that people didn’t like

into more popular versions so is that

something that you thought was bad

dr london which part didn’t you like

about it

well for one thing i and once again uh

most of what i knew

was what i’d said so far was that

someone

this character who i barely knew from

the first book

he died and then he wasn’t dead so what

i didn’t like was hearing about it

oh like okay you didn’t like the

billboards that

said that had like a question mark of

whether or not he was dead which

was pretty much spoiled that he wasn’t

well

that plus i also didn’t like all my

friends who called me up to say like did

you did you hear

jon snow is dead and then they would

also call me up and say

did you know that jon snow is not dead

because that was

like my my friend group

yeah you just didn’t want you don’t hear

people talking about it and telling you

about it

and i have a perfect solution so

definitively

either way i didn’t like so so

so your copy of uh i believe it’s a

feast for crows where this occurs would

be

would be a slightly different version we

would take out the

part of the book where jon snow dies

we’ll just take that

those couple of pages out and replace

them with very large ear muffs which you

can put on at that point because you’ll

say oh i got to this point

people are going to start talking about

it so you put on those headphones those

are those earmuffs excuse me

and just don’t take them off until you

think that enough time has passed that

no one is going to be talking about

this happening oh you know actually if

you wanted to save on cost

maybe there could be a way to sort of

extend the bridge of the book and then

just make the book

itself a pair of earmuffs oh that’s a

great idea that’s a great idea so yeah

think about it you got an open book

and then if you were to be able to pull

it kind of kind of far apart

and then just place both sides of the

book over your ears

you wouldn’t be able to hear anything i

am liking this version because in this

version

i wouldn’t have to to read the book at

all

i would just have some earmuffs for like

when it gets cold

and or loud which is the only reason

yeah reading the book in the first place

is you

you’re hoping somewhere in there it’s

telling you where you can get a pair of

ear mouths

yeah i thought it was a whatever um one

of those travel or one of those

specialized item magazines like in the

airplane

yeah of course you can act

about the book that that doesn’t exist

yet

that was my understanding gotcha yeah

yeah well then i mean if your least

favorite part of the game of thrones

books was the fact that you had to read

then i think that i mean there’s a

simple solution we just

replace the words with uh

on each page each word will be replaced

by one tiny little screen

that plays a movie of your choice i

thought you were gonna say

audiobook for a second because because

this what you just suggested is so much

better

yeah no because i’m getting the idea

that what you don’t like about game of

thrones is

all of it so for you the best version of

it would be for you to watch something

else

yeah even if it was just like little

gifts of

like parts of other movies uh you know i

wouldn’t need a whole movie for each

screen necessary you know

you know i’m not going to tell the

writer how to write obviously you know

what you’re doing

hey listen my whole thing is taking what

i what what’s on the page and changing

it to make people like it better without

your input how could i do that

exactly and you know i think i mean just

just fill that bad boy with the gifts

from adaptation

with nicholas cage and i think uh

i think london will be very entertained

by that is

are nicolas cage gifts your favorite

kind of gifts dr london uh you know i

haven’t read

i’m not as well read as you might think

so

uh like outside of medicine i don’t i

don’t read that much especially like

fiction so i haven’t read adaptation

with nicholas cage

but i have to assume that i would

right well well i mean if that’s your

favorite type of gif and it sounds like

it is based on what you just said

then i think the right solution will be

for me to

pick a nicholas cage gift that

summarizes each chapter and put that in

the book

instead of the chapter and then you can

just flip from gift to gift and get the

sense of what happens

okay so so like the chapter that’s

uh when all the wildings are attacking

at um you know where the the

night watches castle black yeah

at castle black yeah when when all the

wildlings are attacking

castle black the gif would probably be

that one of nicholas cage where

he’s uh got a big shocked look on his

face and he has his hands together on

his cheeks oh yeah

okay yeah i didn’t follow the first part

but that that gif

sounds really good you might turn to

turn me into a real fiction reader

yeah i mean hey if all the words are

gifs if all the words are gifs

that makes for easy reading

now cameron i know i mean you said that

your least favorite part

of i’m sorry did you say what your least

favorite part of the

game of thrones books well i said the

greatest villain was

the old woman who was telling bran

scary stories right right of course

because

because why would you want a scared

child heinous crime

children should be scaring adults which

is why my favorite character is joffrey

well okay okay well if uh if if the

old woman scaring bran at the beginning

is is the most evil person in the world

and the thing that you like most

is uh uh kids scaring adults then i

think we’ll just replace her

with dennis the menace because dennis

the menace can scare anyone of anything

wow you can scare adults he can stare

kids

so now we’ll have an uh i’ll have dennis

the menace trying to pull a prank on

bran while he’s dead

we’re almost dead you know you know what

i thought of something i really liked

about the books

book i guess with in my case um i liked

that

the horse was handicapped accessible i

really liked that

yeah so yeah that i mean that was

fantastic i think we should make more

things in the game of thrones universe

handicap accessibility so well i’m just

saying like you can leave

that specific part of the books

in my copy you can leave the you’re

saying a handicap

accessible horse you’re trying to say

that you want dennis the menace’s

slingshot to be more handicap accessible

is that what you’re trying to get at

well i it was a little bit more about

the horse but now that you mention it

you know i didn’t i don’t remember

seeing any

i don’t remember reading about any

handicapped characters

being able to to use a slingshot you’re

right yeah

yeah and i’m trying to remember if if

the correct terminology

now is differently abled or not but uh

but certainly uh certainly that wasn’t a

featured part of the book although

the books although i will say uh uh

there were some characters who

um you know had like there was the guy

with no balls

so but but yeah so i mean if we want to

if we want to make more things handicap

cap accessible or differently abled

accessible

then what we either or yeah yeah yeah

it’s just the one shot really just the

slingshot

yeah i think that’s the biggest thing

and then

if we could also change i thought the

dire wolves were too scary

oh sure yeah can you make them just

kittens

instead absolutely and then i mean

we might as well just extend that to the

dragons as well

because they’re drier which oh yeah you

never got to the dragons huh

well there were no there were some eggs

that would never hatch that’s what i

knew about

oh you and you just thought they would

make that into an omelet or something

eventually

we could do that or just a collector’s

egg like i’ve had those

whatever fancy eggs you know that are

made of whatever jewelry i have a few of

those like so i get that faberge eggs

you own a bunch of fabric eggs you have

a few yeah i didn’t

i didn’t really name them like what

you’re doing but yeah i’ve got a few of

those

uh and so so i get the whole idea of yes

you want to have a few just in case yeah

i think that makes sense so we’ll keep

the eggs in but then we won’t have them

hatch we’ll have them turn faberge

and well uh and will

since there won’t be any hatched dragons

then you won’t get scared by the dragons

that sounds perfect and then maybe danny

um can bring the

eggs to like pawn stars yeah i think

i have watched that yeah so so danny

will bring the eggs to pawn stars that’s

perfect and that that’ll be in the place

of the dothraki we’ll just have pawn

stars

and so uh so danny brings the eggs to

pawn stars and they say

antiques roadshow if you wanted more of

a classy vibe that’s fine too

that’s a good point that’s a good point

yeah if you want more of a classy vibe

then you’ll have it we’ll do antiques

roasters

those could be those could be the

opposing factions

is that something okay so versus pawn

stars

yeah so antiques roadshow is the old

snobby kingdom and

pawn stars is winterfell where the

starks live where they’re a little more

edgy

they’re a little more honest which one

is ruled by papa john

papa john rules the kingdom the all of

it

but he lives in the antiques roadshow

section

well so i want to push back a little bit

on this antics roadshow

uh uh and generally i don’t push back

but but i do

i would you want to say if danny is

bringing them the eggs then it’s gotta

happen over in

in the other continent you know that’s

true so

uh who were the people who like yeah

she freed all those slaves what group of

people did she do that from that was the

miranese

so i think it would make sense for them

to be antiques roadshow because those

people need to be freed

uh yeah and then so she’ll get there and

then with the

the money she makes from the eggs she

frees everyone

that’s right exactly exactly wait isn’t

that sort of what happens in the actual

show now i can’t remember

it’s sort of what happens she she’s so

in the in the book that i was reading

and obviously i’m rewriting

uh uh what happens is she trades a

dragon and then she says you can’t

you can’t own a dragon and the dragon

burns everybody up uh she

she buys a whole she buys an army of

slaves and then kills the slavers with

the

with the army it’s it’s great uh that

part i don’t change

in any of the books no matter what

people want i don’t change that part

yeah so in this instance since there’s

no dragon it’s just she just trades them

the egg and then they leave

well so she trades them the eggs for the

army and then the army kills the slavers

and she gets the eggs back

and then she hatches them and makes a

nice scrambled egg no excuse me no she

keeps them as faberge eggs excuse me

i also find it um

kind of scary to see danny like stand in

fire you know she can’t be burned

that i worry that that is going to

encourage me to try the same

thing well and it has and it has a lot

cameron has stood in like if he’ll when

he

walks into a house he’ll like just to

make a b

line for the fireplace and just

usually it’s not so far it has not been

lit

when he gets there so that’s been the

advantage for him

well let me help you out we’ll change

that part so instead of danny being able

to stand in

fire she’ll be able to stand guy fieri

so guy fieri will just become one of her

advisors

yeah and then that’ll encourage you to

go to guy furious restaurants more often

which i know you’ve always wanted to do

yes and so then that’ll be like one of

the prophecies

is is that you know instead of like the

the queen of dragons will be able to

withstand

fire it’ll be like the the queen of the

faberge eggs

we’ll be friends with guy fieri exactly

exactly um now i do this version of guy

fieri

will have to be chain friendly he can’t

just like local places because local

places are of course the white walkers

that’s right well he’ll do a series

called diners drives and

dives where he goes to visit the white

walkers but really it’s a scouting

mission

and he reports back to danny so that

danny can help papa john

crush the mom and pop italian wrestling

oh

okay so he’s like a spy he’s like a

double agent

double o guy fieri wow

this is amazing i mean how much money do

i have to give you to get a copy of this

book

oh this is free i’m not allowed to

profit off of it because george rr

martin owns the rights and i am of

course george jar jar martin

okay so you just do this for fun

essentially

yeah well you know i do i do i should

admit

i do sell ad space in the book so there

there are going to be ads on every other

page

you’ll just be able to click through

them they’re touch screen they’re touch

screen ads it’s like an ipad in there

you just click on it

you say okay i saw the ad i’ll turn the

page now and keep reading

or in your case looking at pictures okay

so it’s not a print ad

it’s a it’s like a video yeah it’s a

video ad um

uh i do i i was able to negotiate having

the volume

off by default not on by default like on

some of those sites

so uh you your your audio you know you

won’t get

audio spikes when you when you listen to

it so this the experience of reading it

is still

pretty pretty pleasurable okay i feel

like that i can get behind that

so i have one other thing that i

really really need to change

okay um and that’s the

uh different weather throughout the

series that sort of confuses me

i think weather should be consistent so

maybe if everyone was in sort of a los

angeles

type of uh like always able to go to the

beach location mm-hmm

yeah no that’s it if they would go to

the beach a lot more often

maybe surfing or having sort of a party

that’s a great idea that’s a great idea

so what we’ll do now that’s a book i

want to read

yeah okay great well great so what we’ll

do is we’ll replace

any time that there’s a battle in the

books i’ll replace that with a

party at a beachfront resort in malibu

wow yeah that’s incredible and each

party will have a different celebrity

star so

each battle will still be unique and

interesting in a way it’ll just be oh

what celebrity is going to be at this

beach park yes

that was one thing i hated about the

show is that there was only a few

celebrity

cameos like when i saw ed sheeran just

pop up

out of nowhere i was cheering but then

there was like no

oh that’s my dude ed yeah right yeah

exactly that’s what i was doing too

but i was like where’s charlize theron

um

where’s like jack from lost he’s not a

metal

that was frustrating people forgot about

that one from lost was in it yeah

there were no lost cameos and that is

something i will change from now on

all uh all the captains in vargo hoats

band

will be people from lost that would be

awesome

yeah i want especially i want to really

i want a really prominent part for that

couple from that episode where they

weren’t really featured

ever else in the show and then they like

got bit by a spider and were buried

alive

i think they should play like a huge

part in this series

i think well i’ve gotta be honest

that’s that’s a great idea that’s what i

was just gonna say i mean

we already have changed danny’s behavior

why not change her face to somebody who

gets

eaten by a spider and buried alive or

whatever yeah

and you know the downside to this plot

change is that we have those two

characters apart for most of the series

but

it’s the ultimate will there weren’t

they when we when we when you can look

at it and say well they did on loss so

they probably will

yeah exactly wow well i think they just

get buried alive on lost and they just

die

oh they never get together i thought

they got together first i don’t i

honestly don’t remember but i i believe

like the episode ends with

them buried alive is what i recall wow

wow

yeah and so i think kind of giving those

people a second shot to be jon snow and

danny would be really really cool

i think that’s a great idea and i think

this part of the change to the books

will be really relatable to everyone

since it’s so clear

who we’re talking about exactly

and you can just mention that in the

book a lot you can be like you remember

that episode i mean it was like a

mid-season so probably like

season three or something you all of

this can just be in the book

yeah no and it will and it will and i i

might even include just an extra ipad

where you can play

that episode of lost before you read

that section it sounds like

well most of at least my version will

just be an ipad

yours will be a series of ipads bound

together leather

all of the my versions of the book are

leather bound uh so you’ll get that

experience but then you will just be

turning ipads from gift to gif

and remember they do they do double as

earmuffs as well

essential that’s correct yes okay yes

well um okay well i hope you know i feel

like i didn’t get my question answered

i’m glad we got your question answered

but i do

what should i do about how my butt hurts

so

i would say you know try exercising

do some cardio for like 30 minutes a day

that’s a really good idea

you know kind of get out there and do

some exercise

and actually you know that applies to

not just you but also our listeners

try to get out there change up your

routine get some steps in

you know like cameron i know you’ve

you’ve said you’ve made a lot of

progress

you now go to the uh all the way to the

fridge

you used to have just a rope and a

stick for that right but now that i’ve

got my rolly chair i’m able to just sort

of scoot over to the fridge

anytime i want yeah so i guess steps was

an exaggeration but

that’s still something okay um

all right so we have you know jar jar i

hate to like

to bring you into this but we do a half

uh we have chores to do

sorry were you talking about yes was

that not i’m sorry

oh no i just i thought you i thought i

i’m not familiar but um yeah so jar jar

uh we have

these chores um that have kind of built

up cameron do you want to explain to him

i i don’t like explaining the chores

yeah yeah um so basically we

have a ton of stuff to do on our to-do

list that we’ve been

neglecting and so we’re trying to get it

all done and so we’ve built this fun

chore wheel that we spend every week and

whatever chore it lands on whatever task

it lands on we have to do it

so if it’s the dishes if it’s vacuum the

living room

if it’s you know take out the kids or

whatever

you just have to do it that’s a good

policy

and so uh dr london do you wanna or

actually

jar jar abrams do you want to give our

the wheel a bit of a spin the chore

wheel

yeah yeah yeah sorry i thought for a

second you meant jj abrams but yeah i

got i got you yeah

all right

[Applause]

oh no okay

well oh boy no no i guess this is kind

of to be expected

some of these have been kind of oddly

theme because we

these are a year’s worth of chores we’ve

been putting up here but uh

you know we haven’t say we haven’t swept

up all the rubble from the explosion

outside

we haven’t taken care of any of this

stuff um

so this particular chore is from

uh just well you know we we basically

have a storage

bin here and uh it’s for for the podcast

things that we’ve

we’ve put into storage and uh you know

we need to

to go through our storage unit and maybe

jar jar if you want to help us out with

it that would be helpful for us

yeah sure absolutely um should i just i

just i just pick a thing

uh yeah yeah if you’d like to just pick

something there oh whoa

what is all of this this is

whoa you’ve got uh 18 glass jars

on a string what could that possibly be

for

okay yeah um so

there was a time whenever we were trying

to do an experiment

where we would capture small people and

i said

cameron told me that you can capture

small people

um i don’t mean

oh sure no yeah i mean these these jars

are like 14 inches so those have to be

like

no they were small people yeah we’re

talking like the borrowers

i don’t like these things that i thought

were

maybe mythological but the fact is that

i haven’t read all the books

you know on these subjects so this is

sort of outside of science and medicine

as far as i’m aware i don’t know what

creatures are out there

so we went hunting

one time and you know looking back now i

see that it could have been inhumane to

you know to capture and to cage such

creatures but we did go out

and try to capture some but uh

we you know as you can see we did

capture some creatures they just

i don’t think that they were small i

guess people wasn’t the right word

they were other league creatures but

these ones of course

are just like that’s that’s a raccoon

that’s just kind of half stuffed in

yeah yeah it’s it’s a small raccoon one

of the jars is just ants

yeah well and the raccoon obviously it’s

it’s kind of stuffed in but it’s also

not letting go because it it does have

its grip on something in there and

yeah oh yeah um i couldn’t tell it

yeah i can see now it’s still breathing

yeah yeah

let go a little guy’s good that is good

yeah

rather we clean this bones

yeah that one is full of bones um

so that that’s not from anything that

died those were bones that we were

trying to reanimate

ah gotcha so yeah it’s

you know nothing to worry about with

that and we just didn’t have

normally we try to keep every you know

kind of keep everything within a

category in these jars but obviously we

just ran out of room in our reanimation

chamber

so this is the jars the jars are really

just general storage

at this point maybe that wasn’t the

intention but that’s kind of what they

are

that one has legos in it or lego which

is supposed to be the plural

is it really apparently an ego waffle

isn’t the next one yeah um and that was

me trying to keep like things together

but it’s it is rotting at this point so

i’m glad

that we’re cleaning this out and is that

cheese manchego uh

you know

manchego cheese is that manchego cheese

in there

next to the lego and the eggo is that

manchego oh yeah yeah yeah it is

i’m sorry i was confused for a second

it’s i

i’ve tried making cheese before and this

was an attempt at making cheese so i’m

glad it’s recognizable as cheese because

what i thought at the end was that it

was

not cheese oh yeah yeah

yeah i mean it doesn’t it looks like

something went wrong in the process of

making

cheese for sure but i did i did think

like oh that

could be manchego cheese well you see

that i can i

got mad at it and there’s a hammer in

there where i was smashing it and then

gave up

on smashing it and that’s just one of

those things we all know that

manchego is a cheese made in the la

monchana region of spain from the milk

of

sheep yeah of course um yeah

and i knew that and so that’s why it’s

in the jar

yeah which yeah and that does bring us

to the next jar

which is a cheap uh

well like the the arm i get or a leg i

guess of a sheep

um just yeah you got a whole sheep’s leg

into a 14 inch jar it’s yeah it is

mostly hanging out but wow yeah

that once again i’m glad that we are

that we are cleaning this out because

these aren’t creatures

i mean that legs that leg was just for

luck

yes like if a rabbit’s foot gives you a

little bit of luck how much is a sheep’s

leg gonna get you

absolutely quite a bit because i mean

notoriously sheep’s blood shaved

saved the jews uh uh during uh

the escape from egypt obviously famously

in the in the that’s right

so i mean if a sheep’s blood can do that

what can a sheep’s like do

exactly probably quite probably let me

win the lottery which is why i’ve been

bringing it down to the gas station

quite a bit

but i bet the angel of death has never

come to your apartment

uh that’s not that

isn’t entirely accurate but i don’t

really want to go down that avenue

i do i i understand why you

kind of zoned in on those jars because

your name

is jar jar and you see those two empty

jars there and you’re wondering if you

can keep them

and yes you can keep those two jars

although thank you so much i know you

say

just just to address this so cameron has

been taking that

sheep’s foot attached to a full sheep on

this string

of jars yeah that also includes the uh

the waffle and the lego

and the you know the ants the raccoon

the raccoon trying to escape but yeah

what are you trying to get at dr london

i don’t know what you’re saying you

started telling us where you were taking

those i think you said to the bank or

was it

was to buy a lottery ticket to buy a

lottery ticket

oh yeah i did because i take the the

sheep’s leg

to the battery yeah i guess what i was

getting at was

it’s it’s such a process so when when

cameron says he’s going to go

to get a lottery ticket you know that

it’s going to be a few hours

worth of an endeavor because he has to

it’s a whole string of these he has to

sort of

build a frame around himself because he

has to deconstruct it every time as well

it’s just a lot um anyway uh

should i um should i go i’ll go ahead

and get the next thing from store

yeah go ahead and go yeah well just

really really quick that that last jar

that’s just

you poured a can of fago into that one

right yes yeah that is

okay well i can tell by the smell i you

know

i we don’t have to talk about it maybe

we can talk about them in another

episode but we did have

um our official podcast juggalo

who used to be part of our staff but you

know he left for

various reasons creative differences

creative differences

i could i can imagine yeah um but you

know

we’ll we’ll get into that at a different

time okay

yeah we love the juggalos uh we know a

huge chunk of our fan base our juggalos

and there’s no offense

danny the juggalo left on his own accord

and we don’t

have to talk about it i’ve actually

rewritten a ton of

of different game of thrones novels for

for various juggalos and they’re

all of them perfect wanted very nice

versions of the book

wow that’s awesome were they like

throwing cans at tila tequila

yeah most of it had to do with every

single one of them replaced the scene of

cersei walking

through uh the the city naked

with tila tequila walking through the

scene getting beer cancer on her yeah

yeah uh can’t excuse me yeah

every single one no doctor london are

you gonna jump in there yeah yeah sorry

so i’m like i was quiet for a second

because i’m kind of staring into this

it is a skull for a soliloquy

and i’ve been meaning to do a soliloquy

but i’ve also been putting it off

because it’s

um i like to converse

so much but sometimes you do have to

just pick up your skull

and talk to the s the camera or the

audience

and you start to to go on and on about

something and it’s i don’t know what

you’re saying

yeah so it’s it’s it’s a human skull

which um there is also a story of how we

obtain that because

we uh we’ve had

once again we have had disgruntled staff

before we’ve everything’s fine now

everything’s fine that explains the

writing on the back where it just says

this could be you

yeah and we don’t leave that we don’t

leave it out um in the entrance area

anymore we don’t we don’t

put it in front of the the new interns

we don’t do any of that that’s

that that was we had management before

that

maybe wasn’t uh

we we got we got we got hr involved

anyway

um i think what’s important is that our

our our employees are happy

and they are healthy and they get an

adequate amount of sunlight each day

yes oh yes absolutely that’s i mean

that’s that’s vital that’s

all of my interns that come to the cabin

and to help me write

uh uh absolutely i make sure that they

get outside as well i say get out i’m

working

okay yeah it’s great and that um

yeah okay so i’m gonna go ahead and i

don’t know

i guess i’ll i will just kind of keep

this out now because i have noticed some

slacking so i’m gonna i’m gonna keep the

skull around that actually

okay cameron do you wanna go see if you

can dig anything else out of there

uh yeah actually i i

this has kind of been in here for a long

time and you’ve kind of refused to deal

with it but

dr london it’s your it’s your keepsakes

it’s your childhood keepsakes

do you want to maybe dig through this

and finally throw some of the stuff out

um

[Music]

i mean like right here you’ve got i mean

it’s a beautiful trophy

yeah but i mean dr london what do you

want to read what the trophy’s for

yeah so um it’s for

the the most [ __ ] haircut yeah

so so i used to have a particular

hairstyle

um and i i don’t think that it’s

appropriate to use that

like that kind of terminology sounds

kind of mean

and whatever uh but basically

oh it wasn’t just a [ __ ] spot shack

haircut yeah so i’m

look we all go through these phases we

try out different looks

you know i used to have spiked hair

uh but yes i i did end up adopting this

certain hairstyle and um

i didn’t know it but i had been entered

into a contest without my knowledge

and i won and with that i did one a 50

000

prize along with that trophy for that

haircut

so um that which

turned out to be the cost to change the

haircut

because people wanted it to stay the way

it was which is also

it was just it was a very odd situation

but the barber did it was more of a

bribe i guess

but the barber was willing to because it

was a national treasure

is what the haircut was considered by

the your alfalfa

from the little rascals hair which

you kept referring to as your [ __ ] spot

check haircuts you know of course the

actors from kerry

uh but nobody understood what you meant

by that yeah

so and it’s once again these

but basically what i’m happy to have is

that out of my life

and i can see why i put in the storage

and

um you know it was a weird thing

to to be given 50 grand and then to to

find out that

to to partner to have it you would have

to also have the haircut forever

so which was of course a combination of

the [ __ ] spay chicks sort of

uh her carry hair which was sort of just

like flat

against her head and then the alfalfa

hair which was also flat against his

head but had like a

just one huge hair sticking up yeah so

it really it kind of looked like just

like

normal girl hair but then also alfalfa

hair on top

yep and so because there’s a picture of

it that we can look at oh there it is

and

you look scared and it does have a

framed picture of the two haircuts side

by side to compare

well it’s also a picture of the man

handing you the trophy and you look

terrified like he just startled you

yeah this might be one of the reasons

you won this contest dr london

yeah i mean can we go through this like

you’ve got your report cards but they’re

all

c’s yeah well because the teachers kept

saying like i see it and i i high-fived

them and

uh-huh walked off yeah

okay this is a pen and

you it it just has spongebob on it

but you actually drew spongebob on it so

it’s not even a spongebob pen

it looks pretty can i have that can i

have that that’s actually private that’s

really private

this is the plane this is a papermate

pen

that you’ve scribbled a very small it’s

a good spot

and this is in your keepsake that’s

private that’s very private

okay yeah you can just hand that out you

can you can take that

yeah yeah that’s mine and then you have

a caprese salad

and this that salad this it looks

terrible

it has not aged well at all they usually

don’t

yeah i would say salads last like a

couple hours

how long has this been in here

um okay no no

okay so i was i wasn’t an undergrad yet

no i

this was high school um oh

this was another trophy uh

so yeah cause and you can get

like obviously it was because i was the

best dieter

and it’s not that i chose a good diet

but it was that

i like i was able to stick with the diet

so for me i said like all american diet

that’s what i was going for um

and so you had to you had to stick with

it for a full year

and no one else could pull it off who

who runs these awards

this one was different from the the

other one it was uh i believe it was a

uh

czech slovakian campaign or something it

was right the other one was

the haircut was weird this one

uh there was a dietitian um in

let’s see where was that it was another

foreign country

i don’t know how these people will find

me but we

uh i know they have a lot of dietitians

in slovenia

well it was a sponsored thing because

the whole class was doing it but like

other people in the class were doing

like you know like a vegan diet

whatever um keto

and so they everyone else picked their

diet and i picked the

the all-american diet and it

like i was just the only one who could

keep up with it

essentially and and the all-american

diet i just i

i just looked it up that’s you just had

bacon in every meal

yeah uh well exclusively yes

bacon in every meal so um

you know and i you know i had to recover

from some of the

the uh metabolic deficiencies that

resulted from it but

different vitamin deficiencies i all

right well we ended up in the hospital

okay okay okay dr london i don’t care it

stinks like

hell it stinks terribly i’m going to

throw this away okay

no hey no hey dr i don’t mean to be

rude but it sounds like a dietitian gave

you a salad

after watching you eat like that for a

year yeah

the dietitian didn’t give you an award

he said you should be eating a salad

like

looking back looking back there’s no way

that could be it

you’re absolutely right you’re you’re

absolutely right i was i don’t know what

i was thinking

no and i you know i want to i just don’t

want to um

take away the credit from that

that uh dietitian from from whichever

maybe they just had an accent

anyway um that i feel like we’re about

done with the chores right

yeah i think so we can just let’s go

ahead and seal

up the old shed build storage

put that in the uh the quick seal bag

and get the vacuum

okay and to be destroyed

okay all right well um

that was great uh i feel like we all

learned a lot today

yeah you might exercise yes

and which would be so much more than

than many of our guests

take away from this podcast so i’m so

glad to hear that

uh let’s see well jar jar

is there any way for listeners to keep

up with you after this

absolutely you know i personally don’t

use

any kind of social media or anything but

i do have a publicist uh my publicist is

as repardier on instagram

as a reporter on uh twitter

and uh he produces also publicizes a

show

uh called apocalypse tips with lester

pips that’s every thursday at 8pm

pacific

on twitch.tv theater or in a podcast

form the next day

follow atlas or pips wherever for info

on that it’s fun show they’ve

there’s these two guys who were on uh

pretty recently that like

kind of reminded me of you guys it

sounds like you’re also

he’s your publicist but you’re also his

publicist

yeah you guys exchanged sort of

promotional duties

so the way it works is i i am legally

contractually obligated to

promote his work on appearances he books

for me

so he booked me with you by telling me

by telling me to call you uh and uh

and then he wants the name drop okay

exactly

okay well yeah it sounds great he also

told me not to sound old by the end of

the episode he said start out sounding

old and then completely forget and drop

it

he told me to do that yeah no and that’s

well that’s that’s that’s right how to

get in yeah that’s podcasting

and uh so let’s see that’s a podcast i

feel like

we had another guest who had the same

publicist and there’s something about a

twitch stream as well

that’s right yeah twitch.tv slash pack

theater okay

all right and um let’s see well so thank

you so much to

george jar jar martin for being on and

you know for helping us rewrite these

books to kind of

fit a fit particular taste thank you for

having me i’ll send you your

leather-bound ipads very soon thank you

yeah

and uh thank you to our producer cameron

of course

thank you to DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

hi i’m george jar jar mark pleasure to

be here

i gotta say that was the most glowy

introduction i’ve ever had

i’ve been living a very sanitary life

and i’m wondering

you know do you have any advice for

somebody whose boat hurts

[Music]

i was googling butt hurt syndrome and it

kept telling me that i was emotionally

unstable and i just

don’t think that’s the problem i don’t

think it’s an emotional issue

my name is dr smith and this has been

the jock doc podcast see ya

[Music]

here’s a little taste of the jock doc

podcast patreon

have a listen this is about

how medicine in general is kind of a

sham

and i’m tired of talking about it and i

never want to hear about a band-aid

again

i never want to hear about a stitch

again and every time you hear

that someone’s in stitches from laughing

so hard you have a problem with that

yeah i just don’t want to hear the word

like you know how people

are people are you are like you i hate

when people say moist

so lilo and stitch oh that was tough for

you

yeah that was really tough for me

thankfully they

don’t say stitch as much in the movie as

you think

and the all the like direct to video

sequels that i watch

yeah um so but yeah that was

watching all of those and when you say

all of the direct-to-video sequels you

watch

you’ve you’ve had some black market ones

that that i paid to produce yeah

yeah which you know when you say they

don’t say stitch’s name that much

that is because they changed the name

right and for legal reasons in

in my version is what you’re talking

about the stuff that i’ve produced

yeah i mean we call him we i mean we

call him phillip

yeah one thing that’s been odd about it

is it’s half and half

with live action versus animation in

your productions of this

yeah like like uh um roger rabbit

or like with a brad pit one

like cool town yeah but cool world i

mean some of them will be

you know one on top of the other but i

mean like sometimes it’s a live action

and then between scenes it’ll switch to

philip is no longer an animated

character

he’s a real live-action person and like

yeah he’s played by chevy chase yeah

which was that expensive to do

because because i know you didn’t get

the real chevy chase but you got the cgi

but oh to get the cci rights

yeah that was extremely expensive

well and to get the cgi production going

because that’s

you know because because once again that

wasn’t the

the animated version is one thing but

then to get the cgi

conjured version yeah of him

and i i guess i also thought it was odd

that you went for

current jeffy chase you didn’t go for

like

him 33 which is what the age

he’s supposed to be yeah

yeah it’s it’s him great you know

gray hair balding and considerably more

racist

yeah um well the ending of the movie is

that

the cg chevy chase gets a record deal

so that’s just because every movie these

days you have to have like a TikTok

song to attach to it

for people to dance to yes

Arteriovenous Malformation/Heale Bahndodge (feat. Frankie Griffen)

Hey kids you’re about to listen to a

comedy podcast that

means that none of this is medical

advice

if you need medical advice or medical

care please contact your doctor welcome

to the jock doc

podcast featuring dr london

smith if this is a medical emergency

please hang up and dial 9-1-1

if it’s not that serious of an emergency

you could probably put a band-aid on it

or something

introducing your host dr london

smith hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast where we discuss fitness and

health

and how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring

i’m your host dr london smith.com

i’d like to begin by apologizing to our

listeners we’ve received some feedback

about the excessive amount of technical

medical terms that i’ve been using

such as adnexal tenderness and vehicular

man’s

laughter so i’ll try to temper my

terminology to a simpler one in the

future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron good evening

good evening what’s um what’s what’s

going on

you sound like you’re kind of in a

different

mood from usual that’s because

i decided um that

my lifelong dream since i was a child is

that i’m gonna be a pop star

wow okay i decided that just a week ago

and so do you know that you know the

term lifelong dream

has evolved to mean so many different

things today

and i think that’s one of the important

things that we can learn really from

this podcast

but anyway i’ve been writing so ho ho ma

hutch song hong’s doctor london

yeah and i kind of think maybe you think

maybe i

you want to hear the the one i’ve been

working on right now

uh yes and so this is normally a

you know a medical education podcast

okay but just give me

just give me just just give me just let

me let me preview it

all right yeah okay okay um dj dylan can

you go ahead and play the backing music

yes

[Music]

coming around the mountain when she

comes she’ll be coming

out and when she comes

hey cameron what what okay

and and i know you really you know you

you must have coordinated a lot with dj

dylan for that background music

you know for that for that very original

song well in the drama

the drop alone took us i mean a month

yes yeah it’s just before because

i didn’t have the dream of being a pop

star before

you know i had the dream of being a pop

star after

[Music]

like creating this insane drop basically

i started with the drop and now i’m

building a career around it

yeah what and that was more you know

arguably due to dylan’s drop right

i mean everything is a collaboration

you don’t you’ve never produced music

you don’t know the industry dr

london that’s you know that’s kanye west

isn’t necessarily on the boards anymore

like he used to be but he’s more of the

captain of the ship

as you could say directing the other

producers where to go

and isn’t that just as important uh

i’m not i’m not sure that like you said

i’m not so involved in the industry but

and dj dylan won’t let me use pro tools

so

no he won’t really won’t really let me

touch it so that’s not my fault i would

help out more

if he would let me learn pro tools now

are you referring to

the the program the software pro tools

or are you referring to that

okay because i know you have a toy chest

with some

what you call pro tools well yeah and i

also got

i also got my pro tool guy he does it

professionally

he tells you what tools you need like he

you can go to him about anything like

you can say hey i’ve got this like nail

but i don’t really know what to do with

it and he’ll be like hammer like he’ll

show

he’s really really hands-on too but i

don’t know why i’m talking about them

i would like to play the rest of my song

[Music]

when she comes she’ll be coming around

the mountain

i hate to interrupt i i hate to

interrupt

but don’t seem to hate it that much yeah

but um you know we got to move on we

have i’ve

usually i hate something i’m not going

to do it two times in a row

that’s me this yeah if you’re a mass of

kids i don’t care that’s fine

okay so but we we’re you know we’ll go

ahead and move on from there but you

know i

that does bring up uh also with us is

DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

[Music]

[Music]

and dj dylan won’t let me use pro tools

you know i had the dream of being a pop

star after after

like creating this insane drawing

basically i started with the drought and

now i’m building a career around it

and that was more you know

right

[Music]

and later cameron tells him that we will

have um

the best guest we’ve ever had the best

guess we’ve ever had at the

number 100 and we should we haven’t

talked about this in a long time but

just in case there are

any expectations we i will say it is not

shaq

and you already know it’s not shaq dr

london in many

ways many old previous episodes dr

london continuously thought our guest

would end up being shaq

and it’s not and it’s not check i don’t

want to give people that expectation i

think his

is going to be um like in april or if we

have it scheduled

but yeah this is it’s huge for us

okay man i i was really pumped for our

guest

because you have given me some hints but

so it’s

so it’s not shack oh i thought you knew

who it was have i been keeping this a

secret is this on me

well it’s you i don’t remember it gave

me a name

but now all i can think of is shaq

it’s anyway we can we can move on i open

my mouth

and my vocal cords go into sort of an

auto mode

and then i close my mouth and they stop

but that doesn’t necessarily mean like

things are being retained as that

happens it just

you go

well great speaking of which uh

you know maybe we should address some

listener feedback

yeah so i found this note taped to the

back of a hamster that was thrown

through my window

i don’t know if it was meant to be an

act of vandalism or a gift

or a gif but the note reads quote

sus stands for sucking up sausages

apparently chewing your food is

old-fashioned now

bloody teenagers can’t even respect the

teeth god gave them

end quote so first of all i would like

to thank you so much for reaching out

to the jock talk podcast and this one’s

actually kind of a special one because

dr lynn you’ve

kind of made this same point quite a bit

not really the sausages but that people

don’t appreciate their teeth enough

i mean you talk yeah you i feel like

almost every conversation that is

created

is being guided by everything you’re

saying to eventually discuss

the importance of teeth and you’re not a

dentist

but yeah but you still have value

yeah the thing is there are heart

conditions and this is one of those

things where

you wish as a doctor that you could be a

dentist as well because it there’s a

bridge you know

if people science people have to get

antibiotics before they have

you know oral stuff down to their mouth

because

it can cause heart disease if certain

bacteria

you know are allowed to get in so it’s

yeah it’s just so fascinating yeah but

you don’t have to bring that up and

let’s say

an interview like i i guess you know

this was a while ago when you were

applying for the jobs at your hospital

but you

they asked for uh you know like what are

your greatest strengths and you said

when something tough comes along i just

i’m able to grip my teeth and just

bear it and speaking of my teeth and

then you just went

off yeah you gave

them a i mean you got the job so i mean

it did work

but like you see what i mean every time

it felt like you were gonna get the job

anyway and then they had to stay like 30

minutes

longer to discuss yeah

well just teeth in general human teeth

but but

a lot about my teeth as well because

like all show like yeah i don’t even

have gum disease

yeah i don’t know if you’ve noticed that

about me no i

i have you bring it up a lot so yeah i

definitely definitely have

and like like none i don’t have any gun

disease

maybe if your cousin that you haven’t

spoken to in five years calls you

reaching out trying to reconnect maybe

like the conversation shouldn’t go hey

london i’ve been thinking about you

lately

and then you said oh i’ve been thinking

about teeth

and then you just started going off i

don’t think the cousin said anything

else

well why would they no well obvi we’re

gonna be focused on teeth

it’s just it it just you have to guide

every conversation to the teeth that is

all i’m asking

yeah okay you know what fine fine so

well from this listener they they’re

saying that chewing your food is

old-fashioned sus

stands for sucking up sausages so

uh you know thank you to the listener

for letting us know what sus

stands for because i didn’t know that

it’s it is nice to have a tie-in

to to the teeth thing chewing your food

is actually part of the digestive

process

so if teenagers are sucking up sausages

rather than chewing them

enough that is that is problematic and

you know i don’t want to sound too

drastic here but that could lead to

choking

if they don’t chew their food so nobody

and like

you’re like you’re working

you’re working the problem backwards you

are you you want to talk about teeth and

now you’re finding

issues with like not appreciating teeth

this is what it says this is the

listener

it’s this is all the listen i get that

that’s a listener but you’re now

really stressing the importance of not

sucking down sausages

and and actually properly using your

teeth but there is a reason you picked

this

letter like it sounds like you started

with the idea how can i talk about teeth

and then worked backwards from there

you did like a control f on your letter

database

yeah which is i mean that’s

i i sorted through the physical mail

that we have we have a lot of paper mail

yeah um well i mean you get the you know

you got this from a hamster that was

throwing your through your window but

you take all that you put in a pile yeah

we get

tons of so many animals so many so much

vermin

piled up yeah but you get what i’m

saying this

though this whole thing i mean i’m

starting to think this whole podcast is

a way

for you to eventually get to this

episode to talk about teeth

it took you like 90 episodes to finally

bring it up

well we’re here aren’t we oh gosh

the whole show is pivoting now isn’t it

uh well i can’t speak for where it’s

gonna go it’s

we can’t pivot for this episode at least

we can talk about this after but we

cannot pivot to a teeth-based podcast

right now in the middle of an episode

i mean of course we’re going to talk

about it

and afterwards that’s that’s what i talk

about

but yeah i shouldn’t even mention that

yeah but uh

you know anyway to that listener thank

you for listening

and thank you for letting us know about

the importance of dental health

which is critical you know if yep

if you can’t shoot properly you really

could die and

cameron wants to blow past that but you

could die

no one is confused about this there is

no one confused about this

okay it’s just you know the mortality

rates anyway

the mortality rate of what

of people choking because they don’t use

their teeth

because they don’t appreciate it enough

because people are so sus

yeah okay now for today’s medical topic

arteo arteovenous malformation so

consider that term arterial venous

malformation

there is a malformation of arteries and

veins in other words

a malformation of blood vessels in this

case

these are the ones located in the colon

so these arterial venous malformations

are tortuous

dilated veins in the submucosa of the

colon wall

it is a common this is i mean this has

to be the

fourth or fifth time we’re talking about

the colon is this what is this

yeah so colon health is pretty important

and you know colon cancer

is a significant oh yeah no i’m sure

it’s something to

be concerned about for yeah and so just

this is a part of your

body systems and so it’s important to

know

what what there is that you could end up

dealing with

i what do you is yeah so what do you

think

in a medical podcast where we talk about

different pathologies what did you

think we would uh-huh do you think that

we would just skip over the next thing

every time

no i just think i think it would be more

like sports related

i don’t know i had different

expectations for this show but but

the the point is just like i mean colin

it’s just gross for one

because we talk about teeth more or is

that the

is that the problem no i don’t want to

pivot to talking about teeth more the

it’s just it’s a lot of duty talk and i

i’ve this is it’s

this has never been that kind of show

ever well that’s that’s true but that’s

because we’re in a different system

so we were doing cardiology which by the

way

and so now we’re in the duty you can get

endocarditis if you don’t chew your food

properly and that’s

part of the digestive system anyway so

uh in other words malformation of blood

vessels so these arterial venous

malformations are tortuous dilated veins

in the submucosa of the colon wall

it’s a common cause of lower

gastrointestinal bleeding in patients

over the age of 60.

bleeding is usually low grade but 15

percent of patients may

have massive hemorrhage of veins rupture

so

[Music]

but as i said it’s usually low grade uh

arterial venous malformation is

typically diagnosed by colonoscopy

and in about 90 of patients the bleeding

stops spontaneously

it can frequently and then the other

term 10

it’s you know there’s a chance what’s

the outcome for the other

10 you know that it wouldn’t

stop spontaneously that it could keep

bleeding and need intervention

but that’s why it can be you know

frequently treated by colonoscopy

coagulation of the lesion

if bleeding persists then you might

go ahead and proceed to a right

hemicolectomy but that’s that’s not

really

as common right usually it’ll stop

except for 10 of people who get it which

is like a huge amount

well and then those cases usually you

can they just bleed out

their butt no no colonoscopy so they

stick a a camera okay up the um

up the the right and the the wood

for some weird collection you have yeah

and then you would coagulate using the

devices attached to that

i don’t know what that means but that

sounds disgusting

that sounds really disgusting i don’t

want to coagulate anyone’s colon

or anything like that anyway you can

continue on i’m sorry

to keep interrupting the duty talk has

like spun me out of control it’s

it’s yeah no i’m sorry to get you so

so frustrated i feel like this this is

not the most frustrating topic

and maybe i bring up teeth

a little too often no one was asking no

one was talking about it it did not get

brought up

again dr london i’m not trying to be

rude but if you go down a teeth hole

you’re it’s gonna be a long time before

you get out of it we got to do the show

okay okay you know what i mean i’m

trying to come at it with as a friend

you know

i don’t want to get you in that cycle

yeah

okay okay we you know we we can go on

from there if you like then

yeah i mean are you done with your your

duty last year yeah yeah no i’m finished

it was

and now every so do i mean is there like

a

moral lesson or a lesson at the end like

check your duty twice a day or whatever

just you know usually like i said

they’re

you know they’re small they’re not

really a big deal usually

but it’s one of those things that

whenever you go for colonoscopy it’s one

of those things that can scare you

because you hear a malformation that

sounds scary but

so i think what dr london is saying here

is if it’s brown

send it down but if it’s piss let it sit

well that’s i don’t know that’s not what

i was saying i

you should flush it just in general

flush it down if you’re gonna if it

comes out of your body like that

but um we can we can move on from there

all right cameron uh you said that we

had and

you know i’m i’m trying not to freak out

here but you said that we have a huge

guest today

a huge huge guest and honestly dr london

you have permission to freak out and i

took it

because it’s uh you know what uh sorry

sorry let me let me you just want to

call him man

yeah yes yes please please come in um

you know hello

hello i heard

i heard there was a good doctor in the

house

oh okay so i knew i got my name dr

dr cameron said you were a huge fan and

uh let me just say

on behalf of the johnson and johnson

bandages and plastics corporation

thank you for having me yeah so

and so it’s weird because cameron isn’t

a doctor but

uh well you’re someone else who we’re

talking about the listeners are going

who is this what’s going on

guys we have the one and only doctor

heel bandage that’s right wow

i’m just ah i don’t even know

i like i’m pinching myself right now

it’s not a dream it’s not a dream all

right

if you pinch too hard i have a bandage

well i don’t think like anyone in

america like needs a description of

who you are well i’m just going to say

like we do have some listeners in like

very weird places like northern

australia southern australia

east west those are like by the way

huge market and it’s just but i don’t

know if they’re like i don’t know if

every single person is familiar with who

we’re talking about here so maybe could

you give

a little bit of a description i can’t

even oh yes

i crying i’m actually crying

dr london is speechless i’m of course

again dr hill bandage

uh representative of the johnson and

johnson bandage and plastics corporation

and i’m here to spread the good message

of bandages yes

yeah you really say like you you know

you’re really you’re not just a mascot

like you’re an actual representative

of these bandages you go to legally yes

you go to the bandage conferences

like you’re involved you’re on the board

of directors you’re this is your life

and uh uh this this is uh actually have

a little uh

inside info that which i’m gonna reveal

just here today

oh no we are bringing it back the

band aid concert and i’m gonna headline

it this year

[Music]

does that mean new music is on the way

new music is on the way my gosh

and they heard that you’re trying to

branch out

if into need someone to collaborate with

please

i i think we gotta have the premiere

medical advice podcast no i yes i i

don’t even

oh i’m still i like your album just on

repeat sorry

your album your latest album is on

repeat thank you thank you

yeah but like whenever i go driving

around i’m like and all that

you know some of my doctor friends don’t

kind of get it as much

but like i i mean and if whenever i hear

it on the radio

and they don’t normally play it except

i’ll call in to ask

of course yeah but like yeah but it’s so

they’ll usually play it unless he had

just called before

and already we can’t do two in a row

we’d love to

yeah i certainly thank you doctor

i mean that i know you’re gonna headline

i mean that’s really exciting

that’s right are there other acts i

assume there’s got to be other

acts right isn’t the whole thing

supposed to be it’s like a like huge

super groupish type yes so we have a

hologram

of the first doctor uh

he’s sort of like a positive figure

based on archaeology that

should be really exciting wow and we

have a hologram

of the hologram doctor from star trek

voyager what’s up uh

the well we’re actually holding a fan

contest to decide the name of the

hologram of the very first doctor um

his last name will of course be johnson

and johnson kind of smushed together

but the first name is going to be up for

a fan vote oh

okay i mean is that should i should we

just submit our votes

you know we’re fans so i mean i mean

should we just want to get yours now

sure well it it it’s going to be an open

poll where anyone can submit names

and this and there’s not going to be any

rules or restrictions so i’m sure it

will go great okay yeah that can only

end well okay it could only end well

i’m gonna i’ve got my uh i think he

should be named disney

oh disney jonathan yeah that’s

not gonna be like like an issue with

like trademarks right

disney’s just a name and i mean with the

power of the jones and johnson

corporation behind it

who could say no exactly and also even

though

there aren’t disney characters on the

bandages if you see that name you can

kind of imagine them on there

and that’s a ton of fun right which is

legally all that i permitted

yeah and it’s better than having him on

there because like look if i just had

the 101 dominations on my bandages

that’s awesome but that’s all i have but

you know what i have an infinite amount

of is imagination

and so i can look at these bandages and

say oh today it’s

the emperor it’s eartha kitt’s character

from emperor’s new groove

and that’s all yeah that’s all my

bandages

and it’s uh it’s just i already the only

reason i even suggested this because i

already do this at home like personally

and i want other people to enjoy it as

much as i do you know

it’s always nice to meet someone using

bandages in a novel way

yeah well well no they’re used in a very

very practical way for

a lot of things right my life we

talked about a little bit last week but

my feet right now

an infection has grown large enough

where they’ve sort of fused

together maybe maybe in a mermaid’s tail

type of look

oh okay and i don’t know what to do with

it so it’s all wrapped in bandages

right now right that’s not what i was

gonna say you should

you should just wrap them in a bandage

oh they sounds like you’re

way ahead of the game you are a smart

bandage consumer dr kevin

thank you that’s so wow

and you know what you know who i imagine

uh

is on these bandages the cast of

treasure planet

oh oh an underrated classic yeah

and i’m so i’m sorry i like i’ve been

it’s been so hard to say anything

because i’m so

there’s so many okay so but i’ve i think

i have my

i’m trying to think of the name my not

my name suggestions oh yes yes

so yeah we we have disney and then it

was doctor

yeah doctor medical no stupid stupid uh

duck sucks that’s stupid it’s stupid

everyone hates me i’m not allowed to be

negative but uh

no no no it was um i’ll just remember no

that was and that wasn’t

that was my real one that was uh that

was a stupid joke

um doctor what’s around what’s wrong

doctor doctor what’s around doctor

what’s around yes

yes doctor what’s around joseph johnson

yeah okay

yeah because then and then you can do

doctor what’s around and that’s like

call a response to the crowd and then

they can go weird around and then

which makes it clever and not stupid

which was right

that’s right okay i can concede that’s

not stupid

what you said before was very stupid we

can let that go

we can move yeah but why would we even

because it was like i was

about to say your name why are we even

talking about this one

when dr bandage is here why are we even

talking because we’re wasting time

i’m here to serve the show and the needs

of the corporation

and i mean what are those needs i mean

getting people to buy bandages right

well

we don’t want to get people to buy

binges we are providing a necessary

product

so we want people to feel better

through using our bandages yeah and how

do they use and or

other plastic products yes how would

they acquire those bandages

in plastic products usually well they’re

yes you well you you exchange currency

generally although

they make a great gift true but i assume

christmas

just passed but it’s never too late to

stuff the stocking for next year

well it just it just passed a while ago

but i

so i’m well for one thing still

i’m so sorry to our listeners i’m not

normally like this i’m not really

gushing this much but it’s you know it’s

kind of like you meet your hero and then

you you hear them speaking and you’re

like

my hero and my hero’s hero you know what

i mean like

all of my heroes is here it’s everyone

everyone i know

looks up to you so much and it’s can i

say first thank you

thank you thank you for your life well

how does

you’ve always you’ve obviously made such

a positive impact

on the world i mean they like to think

so um you know they even

renamed the cincinnati reds field after

you

and that’s right how does that i mean

that’s got to be a lot of pressure on

you is it

i mean is it always easy and fun no you

know it’s not it’s

it’s hard work promoting health and

welfare especially

in an anti-medical anti-plastics climate

like we

generally find ourselves in nowadays

right

oh yeah with everyone moving towards

like paper

and like paper have you ever tried to

put a paper straw on a wound

it does nothing it does nothing

nothing at all no plastics but a plastic

straw

there’s a lot of use for that there’s a

there’s so many uses for a plastic straw

turtles love them

turtles love them you can probably use

them in a tracheotomy somehow

probably um legally i can’t say yes but

probably

well this this that’s a lot of y’all’s

advertising is just like suggesting that

you should probably do something without

explicitly saying except for what’s

sort of like a hamburger helper has a

serving suggestion

yeah and it it like it allows us again

to use our imagination like you’re not

holding our

our hands you’re you’re giving us the

tools for us to learn and create

ourselves

in a lot of ways i love that here’s the

brain is built on bandages what are we

saying doctor

there’s there’s one issue and i like you

know i you know all respect i’m sure

you’ll explain it right

and like i’ll i’m i’m sure i’m being

kind of

weird and dumb about it whatever but

like

so whenever the the the pandemic started

and then kind of monthly after that

you’ve gotten some backlash because of

your tweets saying you know don’t wear a

mask put a band-aid on it

um and then yeah and we hate to bring

this up

um but i feel like conversational would

get mad if we didn’t you know what it

seems like

you know we respect you and you we know

you’re mature

uh what’s it what’s sec hey pamela

i thought you said they won

you said legal cleared it so why are

they

and i definitely read i definitely read

pamela’s email that she had sent earlier

i didn’t

you could not oh no no no no no it’s

five here look i did not read it i

definitely did

here’s my organic statement okay here’s

my organic save it

the problem at no point did dr hill

bandage nor the

johnson and johnson bandages and blasts

corporation

endorsed the use of bandages over masks

what we said was put bandages

over masks as in put them on the mask

the tweet was a hack and has been

misinterpreted

okay the tweet is a hack or it’s been

misinterpreted

the tweet is a hack and has been

misinterpreted people have missing

so what what the hacker meant

was well who knows what that deranged

person meant

okay it’s not well i mean it sounds like

you do

because you just said that what it

actually meant was putting a bandage

over the mask well we

we issued what’s called a retro

endorsement

which is where later we knew what it

meant and we thought that was a good

idea

but the public has been sadly

misinformed by the actions

of one lunatic so and and

that packing these days i don’t wanna i

don’t want to veer off into this subject

but i mean hacking these days is

you know a real issue it is i mean look

what happened to all those patriots on

parlor just

two months ago well i just two weeks ago

i was able to

hack into my ex-wife’s email wow and

i would definitely shouldn’t have been

able to do that so easily

yeah definitely no effort and it like it

was it’s so extremely easy well did you

and i feel like

that really concerned that that bothered

me was the password

i hate husband because i’ve been in that

situation before let me tell you

well no i to be honest the password was

dr hill bandage that was kind of how we

met all of our passwords

all of our passwords are the same one

it’s well yeah it’s dr hill

who’s your ex-wife mac’s wife it

um you know she

like i don’t know her know her but like

we know each other through mutual

friends

you know what i mean like we wouldn’t

like have dinner one-on-one but like in

a group setting we can like

they get along so well in the group

setting like

oh yeah in a group setting yeah most of

my friends get along in a group setting

yeah but yeah would you know do we just

have mutual friends or whatever i don’t

know where like

too well or got it got it but i was able

to hack into her email so easily and i

think privacy is so important

i’m sorry am i on my soap box here dr

london i apologize

it is a huge issue you know and i and

that’s where i think bandages can come

in

if you put a bandage over the screen

when you type in your password hackers

can’t see it

yes oh that’s very interesting

and especially you hear about these

hacks where people like are able to get

into your phone camera

or your uh laptop camera right and

they’re taking pictures of you

yeah if a bandage was over it they can’t

see it

i wouldn’t be able to see anything going

on in my wife’s

living room which and i have no idea

what’s going on in the living room if

she had just

told me over the camera and i you know i

hate to but since you already you know

we’re forthcoming with

a response to the last question thank

you for acknowledging my honesty

yeah um i just wanna if you don’t mind

just touching on just

one more time so as i said it was

repeatedly

you know another time every month it’s

been

monthly that you’ve you’ve gone back and

then a lot of replies

like you’ve been replying to people who

say like well what

you know where i’m asking then you it

just just reading it it looked like you

were really arguing for

the bandages being the band-aids being

better than

a mask and people should throw their

masks away

burn your mask hey uh okay hey uh and

you’re but the thing is is that you’re

consistently doing it like well an

apology comes in then maybe

six weeks later usually at like three in

the morning

you’re starting you’re firing off yeah

well hey here’s a little

here’s a little bts for you you guys are

fans right y’all

y’all love to see behind the scenes

here’s here’s how

yes yes the whole tweet process

actually works and i think this will

clear up the whole thing

what i do is i compose every tweet

in 17th century style medical new latin

and so what i said is that you know

bandages super mascara

which it means it i meant it over but

you could interpret it as

better and it’s really the intern who

just keeps

putting it out yeah it’s the internet

and you know

wouldn’t it be wrong to fire an american

right now

yeah i mean that that’s definitely true

but you why do you keep sending him

the wrong latin message well there’s no

better word for the correct latin

message

without correcting him can you but can

you correct the intern

and say like i’m no longer allowed to

speak

personally to the intern okay okay okay

that makes sense

and i mean i guess i will just you know

we’ll just put a bandage on that topic

because pamela’s giving me the eyes over

here

i mean well i mean as someone of your

stature you know you’re why would you be

hanging out with interns anyway you know

well yeah i mean i i don’t endorse that

attitude technically but

i know what you mean so people um

[Music]

shouldn’t be chilling with the people

down here

you know what i mean you know and maybe

that’s true

i think you know maybe now’s a good time

to sort of

talk about the great uh it was such a

wonderful moment

whenever you did that live concert oh

yeah

and it was in you know passion it was

kind of a weird time to do it like it

was

for one thing great concert we all

streamed it it was so

amazing seeing out there rocking out and

feel so inspired

to bring healing to people but you did

have

uh a lot of people at that show

right very closely packed i believe it

was standing room only

it looked like from the video feed and

they were

they were one bandage length away

yeah and so it was odd because you know

at the time and

you brought this up numerous times

throughout the show uh

the hospitals are full full

follow up customers and fans

of the joseph johnson bandage and

plastics corporation yeah and you love

every fan and every customer every

single one is important to us

yeah and it’s great that they’re

partying in places where we can get to

all of them easily

yeah i mean dr london is your question

like thank you for

throwing this awesome concert or what

what are you getting at yeah

dr london well it’s okay so for me it’s

a little bit of a

concern because i’m not sure if you’re

aware but the

the pathogen that the world has been

dealing with

is transferred by you know close

proximity by air droplets a lot so it’s

uh which is why it’s so important to put

those bandages over your masks

oh yeah that makes sense it’s like a

fourth layer

especially the uh waterproof the the new

waterproof product that we’re putting

out

droplets will slide right off yeah so

you

you got a lot of criticism just all over

social media

and from governing bodies yeah for

for hosting that show for having that

show and then for all of the the many

deaths that were

directly tied to you know

you know it has not been directly tied

i’d like to clarify

dr dr cameron no i just wanted to say dr

london i mean you know

those people who were attending they

could have done all sorts of different

things they could have gone to

mcdonald’s or you know you can’t you

can’t

say one place got it or

spread it around okay yeah and according

to research

produced by the bandage

united federation there is no conclusive

tie between

that amazing concert and some less cool

things that happen afterwards okay and i

guess

you know i guess i guess that’s fine

that’s the vein in pamela’s

forehead right now is pulsing she’s

always like that pamela just just

just put your bandage on it huh do you

want to talk a little bit about

i said band-aid that would have been bad

do you want to talk a little bit about

what happened after that

after the concert i went back to my

green room

which of course is temperature

controlled and it’s sort of a clean room

environment

like you can’t come in without passing

through the decontamination shower

and then i was you know i was sent back

to my hotel which is really a moving pod

in my um

we can’t call it a pokemobile right what

do we call it

right the uh health and safety vehicle

took me back

uh and then i had the whole pod

airlifted back to my mansion

yeah so i feel like you are dodging and

then apparently

uh 12 or so days later there were some

unexpected fatality events that may or

may not have been amongst

most of the attendees and again people

do all sorts of stuff right they’re

hanging out

they’re going to unsafe concerts not put

on

by a medical corporation or they’re not

putting bandages on their masks like

they’re supposed to

i mean data have shown that people

without bandages on the masks they’re

not wearing

are at a much higher risk i i do have to

ask about the one

other thing and there’s no judgment or

anything like that but your opener

r kelly that wasn’t yes i thought it was

a really interesting choice

but you know he’s sort of a

controversial figure and especially

since you’re sort of going through a pr

thing i thought that was sort of

interesting

yes i mean i don’t really have a defense

for that

uh i would like to unreservedly

apologize

for booking our kelly i thought

you know i i thought the remix to

ignition

was a high-energy piece

[Music]

and pamela you know she’s always

shouting so i wasn’t really listening

when she tried to explain his whole

thing

and i only saw a remix of the clip

and just you know i don’t want to say

that that kind of behavior is not

important to the

executives at the at the johnson and

johnson corporation

but maybe it’s true okay okay so i

i mean i appreciate that apology that

was very very

right maybe it’s good yeah okay we’re

good and that was very very big of you

and to do that

on this show i mean dr london yeah huge

yeah

like i’m giving you guys sclusi after

exclusive here yeah i mean

you know we should be like maybe giving

you royalties for this because this

thing’s going to skyrocket

yeah well careful because they will hold

you to it

but so so i thought whenever you were

introducing him

because right now you’re talking like

you just didn’t know

but at the time it really

you you kept because people in the

audience recognized him and they said

you know that they were like no cancel

him and then you kept saying

separate the art from the artist and

um and i did maybe that was just

an out of context thing maybe you didn’t

fully know what was going on

uh i just sorry and sorry to press it

but i just

no no i’m curious you know i wasn’t

warned that it’s gonna be kind of a

michael moore

interview but um content is king

no bad press i did get a lot of bad

press

after that incident and what i did was

um

i self-designed a course to put a

bandage on my lack of sensitivity wow

that’s really brave of you so i spent

six weeks at a spa

on the island of mykonos okay it’s

learning to recover

okay yeah i mean that’s really awesome

and i mean

it sounds like you’ve grown a lot as a

as a person

i think so i had to get bigger bandages

after that that’s how much i’ve grown oh

wow you that’s so

you know and i’m so glad to have all of

my because

you know and i know what you said in the

context that sounded bad

but like yeah you know despite all these

controversies of course we see you for

the artist

you know you made so much great things

and i want to get back to that like you

know we’ve got this album

you’ve got this festival that’s going on

um i mean what what else is in the

pipeline what else

like are are you doing something else

uh yeah pamela can you just go outside

just a second just a second

okay huh thanks she walked so fast

hey um are you guys trying to [ __ ] me

what are you guys trying

to [ __ ] me i guess i mean i don’t we

just think so

i don’t it’s supposed to be a little fun

a little medical podcast

i come on it’s dr hill bandage and we

sell some [ __ ] band-aids

ask me about r kelly do you know how

many months i had

i was in meetings every week for that

[ __ ] for months

well it sounds like you’re on an island

yeah i was having meetings on mykonos

yeah it sounds like sort of like when

celebrities or like really rich people

go to jail and it’s really just like a

country club it’s

yeah it sounds a lot like that it’s

almost like it’s a metaphor for it but

are you trying to screw me by bringing

it up on your show yes no

no no what the hell

no you know we we love dr hill being

dodged like we

this is our like our entire life it’s

just yeah you know

is it well it’s also my entire life yeah

that’s literally all i have

yeah i changed my name to heal bandage

to get this job that’s not your real

name

it is now legally it has been for 18

years so if i lose this job i gotta walk

around

as dr hill by dawson say no not that

heel bandage do you know how that’ll

sound well

what was your old name can you just go

back to that

jeff i don’t want to be a jeff again

it’s jeff ross by the way and that name

is burned now

so no good yeah i’d have to make

something

up i mean maybe you could at least do

jeff bandage i feel like that’s got to

be a good compromise

i guess yeah let’s do a sort of

gallagher two yeah i mean i guess i

could

but i you know i should say like you’ve

you know i feel like for me you’ve kind

of clarified everything

i understand your perspective and

sort of right up until this last part

where you confronted us

i thought you were great i just wanted

to preserve my image of you and

clarify any of these things that you’ve

been getting let’s lay off

we’ll we’ll lay off right yeah this is

corporate stuff

words speak louder than actions you know

that’s that’s how it works here yeah

exactly and and if i keep saying words

like i’m sorry and yes i did it

i’m gonna be actioned out of a job yeah

you’re gonna be sort of like

sound clipped to death oh

i mean i i i’m already dreading the the

the remix of this podcast yeah

it’s gonna be me and it’s gonna be me

and and r kelly putting a single all

over again

and it’s tough because we we don’t edit

this this is all unfiltered so

well it’s yeah i know it’s like man

that’s the hard part

yeah okay okay so um i got a story about

marin i could

i can tell you afterwards i yeah so

how’s going back

oh okay uh i mean uh

i mean are you do you have any acting

roles or anything just coming up

uh i’m gonna be in westworld season four

wow oh

that’s incredible yeah are you gonna be

there

bringing back dr ford but i’m gonna be

him because anthony hopkins is

kind of done yeah that makes sense to me

i mean i feel like that fits plot wise

yeah i mean it’s just about as sensible

as any other choice in seasons two and

three

i would say that’s extremely accurate

well i mean

i mean dr london do you have anything

else um

i i think the main thing now is and like

i

you know i hate to bring you into this

dr hill bandage but

we we kind of have some chores to do

okay yep yep oh okay okay all right

so to explain to the listeners we uh

had a huge checklist a huge to-do list

of chores

that we were supposed to finish but then

we didn’t finish because we were

marathoning well westworld

and i had to deal with a few times

because you know it doesn’t

make sense so you of course have to like

you have to kind of sort of

invent a plot for it to make sense in

your head

but and you are a very imaginative guy

huge imagination i’m looking at my

my foot bandages right now and you know

what i said who’s out there now who’s

out there

uh it’s the candlestick from beauty and

the beast

lumiere incredible now

uh what was i saying the tour wheel

the chore wheel so we have we have all

these chores we put them on this wheel

and we spin it and whatever it lands on

that’s the chore we have to do

um whether we like it or not we’re just

we’re trying to we’re trying to get

things done like

dr london mentioned last week that we

haven’t taken the trash out in like six

months

oh yes i mean we haven’t done the dishes

since we moved in like since we

started coming to the studio and we keep

purchasing more dishes so it’s

just uh the kitchen is really like a

never-ending pie yeah just like a dish

pile in a room and it’s not that we’re

messy people it’s just that we have

a way that we do things we’re busy we’ve

got so many chores to accomplish it’s

just the choice

to really take care of everything is

sort of this randomized

wheel yeah so

we’re hoping it would be today it would

be our honor

if you would who could give the wheel

yes

me a bit of a spin yes would be good i

think i could

okay i just reach up right here

yes there we go yes

dr leonard what did it land on i did not

want to do this one

okay but we d we do have to do it right

that’s

we have to that’s the one it’s on the

chart that’s the deal we made that’s the

contract we signed

okay so the chore is lock

down your spring wardrobe aesthetic

okay all right okay

i can vibe with this a little bit yeah

so i mean dr lynn do you want to start

or should i start

uh you you can start you can start today

yeah i mean so my spring wardrobe of

course you know

every time there’s a new season we throw

out our wardrobe from the previous

season as we all know

sure so you know i just threw out my

winter clogs

i just threw out my winter capris i just

threw out my winter like crop

top and i just threw out my i mean my

winter band-aids so i’ve i’m going to be

replacing all these oh good yeah always

got to change those at least seasonally

at least seasonally you want to be able

to rotate at least rotate them

you know like maybe they’ll come back

into the mix later

but you should at least have four that

you rotate in and out

um by rotate you do mean take them off

you know

turn them 180 a little bit yeah and then

you just

you kind of lick them and then put them

right back up well you have a little

kiss you go and then you just stick it

back on there

that’s that’s an advanced technique it’s

pretty good i mean if it was advanced

you would there would be tongue

and let me tell you there is so

but uh yeah and then of course um my

winter coat and overcoat and over

overcoat

and uh so i threw those in let me dr

london can you just

you’ve got the box over there can you

just throw that in the clothes fire

yeah yeah let me uh and go ahead and

burn all those

okay all right now it’s time to place

all the smoke now it’s time to put

together my spring outfit let’s see

so i just got rid of winter capris

and you know what capri is like it’s

it’s up a little like it’s above the

ankle

it’s like uh a three-fourths cut so i

think for spring i’m gonna go the

opposite and it’s gonna be

a pair of jeans that goes a quarter

longer than my foot so it’s like 25

longer than my foot so i’m sort of

walking around like on my jeans

and then sort of also the jeans function

sort of as socks

because you know they’re like all around

my feet

so yeah right there that’s

you have to get custom jeans for your

big mushed together foot

see well this is a new thing i’m still

trying to figure out like the mermaid

tail situation i’m gonna say yes

um i did email calvin klein and he

i mean he blocked me and so you know i

could

i could talk to calvin for you that

would be great i i wasn’t just trying to

name drop just to get you to help me out

so uh i need those jeans um i need

let’s see for a shirt for a top

i’m feeling like this spring cowboy

stuff

is going to be real backhand yes

so maybe just like you know like the cow

skin

vest yeah yeah so maybe just that

so it like it looks like a cow like

spotted black and white

but nothing underneath and you wear that

for camo

correct that’s just you want to be able

to blend in for

camus yeah camus

absolutely and so i think that would be

good i think bracelet wise i’m going to

get a live strong bracelet

and then i think i’m going to

for a hat i need a spring hat what

calls a spring hat

okay bunny ears no not bunny

well but ears though you don’t want to

get ears

i think you’re definitely on the right

track can we do fish ears

yeah oh yeah i can’t i don’t i don’t

have a picture

i don’t have a picture of a fish in

front of me but like i can picture them

having ears

right they have ears yeah that well what

you can

imagine that that how they would look if

they did have is this okay so it’s

right right that’s fish used to be the

fashion

right oh yes oh are you kidding yeah

so many like gone fishing signs and like

everywhere

oh boy billy bad hat with

oh my god when everyone was wearing them

in middle school when i was wearing my

tackle hat yeah oh god it’s coming back

it’s coming back and so okay

and then as just as a capper i think i’m

gonna do

reverse fingerless gloves so it’s just

ten pieces of you know it’s the fingers

that are cut yeah

the tip yeah the tips yeah and so

they’re just like separate you know

little tubes that you put on your

fingers

yeah that’s it that’s my spring outfit i

think we make those let me uh

let me get pamela to send you a box huh

yeah that would be awesome

oh my gosh we’re getting merch from this

this is incredible

oh yeah oh i i i mean we’re gonna back

the merch truck up to this place yes

wow and so dr hill bandage uh

yeah i know that you have sort of your

standard

outfit so if you want to talk through

right i’m wearing the uh

the lab coat made of bandages right sort

of

but we do have seasonal colors and in

fact uh here’s

yet another exclusive for you for the

spring

we are bringing back a line of retro

bandages based on funimation’s

ghost space buster’s cartoon which was

two guys and a gorilla hunting ghost

yes and they had a net and some cameras

yeah

so uh i think i’m gonna be sporting some

of those kind of woven into the lab coat

pattern which

cause i mean because that just started

popping off on tick tock lately

right it’s huge yes right about

valentine’s day

some of those kids found the old show

like what’s this is this lady

ghostbusters but different

and dan aykroyd came out and started a

tick-tock just to explain the legal

distinction between

his ghostbusters franchise and the

funimation ghostbusters franchise

and one of our lawyers was like hey we

could profit off this

yeah that’s awesome it turns out we are

gonna so

that just full so is that gonna be your

outfit that you’re rocking this spring

well that’ll be my uh over overcoat yeah

let’s just say

and then under the overcoat um it’ll be

whatever high fashion gifts i get in the

gift bags from the award shows after

band-aid

okay oh yeah because those those gift

bags are usually like a hundred thousand

dollars a person like there’s going to

be a lot of stuff in there

oh yeah i actually i actually told them

but no less than 150 this year

because you know we we’ve got to help

the kids

and it’s peop we’ve gone through such a

hard

previous year you know what i mean i

think

the celebs really deserve these kind of

these kind of gift bags

they do well and they’re all going to

include four doses of vaccine

wow that is awesome that is huge

it’s pretty great and i mean is that

there’s that so that’s the outfit

oh yeah the yeah the the the outfit will

be the bandages

uh that i am so happy to wear everywhere

all the time

right part of my uh you know uniform

sounds like i’m forced to do it i choose

to put it on but contractually

just like i i choose bandages

i mean yeah and just like you chose to

make

those apologies i know you don’t want me

to bring it up again but like your

apologies you know you chose

consciously to to make those no one

forces you this interview is over

well uh it that’s

uh okay he

sort of like his

his bandages unraveled and he was no

longer there

that was huh okay

yeah it was like unwrapping a mummy

almost but then there was

there was nothing that there i i guess

dr linda do you want to get your spring

outfit in real quick

yeah yeah so for me um

so so you know what i normally wear

which is uh

normally i try to be seasonal with my

scrubs but lately

uh they did catch on fire and so

they’ve you know i tried to sew them up

just like patch them up with whatever i

had

which you know at the time was just

vaseline

and so i sort of rubbed vaseline into

each of the

spaces so i looked yeah

logical yeah i looked kind of oddly

greasy in the areas that

where you could see skin and so that and

that’s what you’re going for

well that’s my winter look uh oh

no that’s more of a i would say it’s

more of a necessity

that i go for that yeah it’s a it’s a

practical choice to be so oily

yeah and you know my my gun belt that i

always

wear in the winter um that’s very

seasonally oriented

that i don’t you know i don’t wear a gun

i don’t really have a gun but

i do like to wear the gun like the

holster yeah you put your hands in the

holster instead of like your pocket yeah

well it’s just one holster but yeah

and i put one hand yeah and then i’ll

talk you know

like i’m trying yeah but like a pocket i

was going to say also like a phone

holster it’s kind of like that too but

it’s varied

like a phone does not fit but he said

that’s my winter outfit

and i guess i’ll just strip down

and burn that here uh i

do appreciate that you said the word

like it’s the fire for the rooms

it’s not a furnace it’s not contained uh

throw that in the fire no i mean yeah

it’s

it’s just like a 60 dollar fire pit from

target

we got some firewood going we got a fire

we i mean we’re having to like keep it

running yeah we’re stoking the fire

so hold on i’m always have to you know

uh sponge off this vaseline real quick

because that is a part of the outfit

yeah okay and then the shoes yeah yeah i

mean you gotta tell

someone about the shirt yeah so the

shoes are uh ski

blades they’re you know uh if you go

skiing

and you don’t want to go for it’s it’s

more tiring to wear

full-length uh skis so you can get ski

blades which are

which are shorter more maneuverable but

maybe a little bit

easier in that respect as well so i wear

those just in the hospital

probably allow you to like escape things

easier just in case you like had to

escape something

via ski when it when it snowed for like

a couple days it it’s so helpful

i yeah i would say like usually you’re

able to flee

so well yeah and like as long as it was

downhill oh

easy but easy i i have noticed

basically i’m ready for spring because

it they’ve

maybe slowed me down a little bit more

because the boots come with it the ski

boots

so yeah uh it’s uh i like the workout

but

i feel like it’s springtime and i want

to spring a little bit in my step

so so i guess yep we’ll start from there

for the shoes uh i have plastic bags

wrapped around my

feet and they’re tied off uh

with the little plastic bag yeah just

the thing that usually comes with

the bread bags yeah so i tied those

around um

and that’s because i’m trying to be

eco-friendly i know there’s a lot of

plastic waste out there

and so these are already used plastic

bags

i yeah you know they’re we can’t send

them back

i’m gonna use them as much as i can well

they’ve already been used as

bread bags and then also another person

had worn them

as a shoe previously oh yeah they’re

secondhand

yeah you know well there are bread bags

yeah they’re my

well they’re my grandfathers yes uh

i i inherited i didn’t realize they were

passed down yeah yeah

yeah so when you say secondhand no this

is uh

several generations of plastic shoes

yeah

uh anyway so this this year i wanted to

honor my

my grandfather uh who is you know

still doing great but bought new shoes

uh

he bought like really nice loafers so

good for him all right so that’s my

shoes

that’s it is that your spring no no

sorry i no i’m

you can see i’m wearing more than just

shoes no i i am wearing my

spring and tire it is of course uh an

inner tube oh you’re wearing your spring

outfit

currently i knew you were wearing the

shoes and you that was gonna be part of

your outfit mine

you know yeah no i’m i’m building it as

we speak

i’m sorry you’re done yeah i’m sorry i’m

nude in front of you all right now

but uh let me slip on the inner tube and

there we go that’s so my plastic bag

shoes and my inner tube just it’s kind

of thick and so

if you hold yourself in just the right

way it kind of covers stuff up

uh-huh yes that’s my spring outfit

wow thanks i mean i think we’re ready to

after this show strut our stuff right

yeah i wish we could kind of like strut

around with

dr bandage with us but he kind of

disappeared yeah

you know maybe he can conjure himself

back up sort of do a reverse

oh good god hey man

[Music]

hey sorry yeah uh you said the spell and

i had to appear

uh so we do our you know our annual

spring strut

and we would be honest if you joined us

to go

strutting yeah and so it’s uh okay

surely yeah we get my new

and so it is all right so i mean after

the right after the show we’re gonna go

and it’s down in this back alley it’s

well we call it we call it the forest

gump strut because we

we follow the same path that he does in

the movie when he’s running across the

country

he was he was running like running

yeah which for me with my mermaid foot

is more of a hop

um yeah but in a strutty way

struttier hop than usual it’s it’s all

about the swagger

exactly it’s so it definitely is a

swaggier

hop than i think a normal mermaid tail

hop yeah

i so so anyway well if the mermaid tail

was

sort of just like an infection that

turned into like solidified calcium

i think swaggy or hop is the single that

you should drop based around your foot

oh that is actually the name of the song

i was singing

i thought okay yeah that is insane i

knew i named it right i knew it i was

like this is the perfect name for it

okay

um all right oh before we go uh

yeah so dr hill bendage would you mind

uh you know and i’m sure our listeners

will already know but

uh any way that they can keep up with

you or any of your affiliates

sure well i have a feeling that i i am

about to be fired uh just looking at

uh pamela is holding a gun so i think

it’s uh

curtains for me uh so what you know keep

up uh as i will be

soon running my own twitter and i had to

make up a name let’s say

at wizard live on twitter instagram

and maybe i’ll start a show on twitch uh

fridays at 8pm pacific who knows that’s

the perfect time to host a show on

twitch

that is a really good i think so all

right

so um that’s great to hear so

thank you yeah i feel like we can go

ahead and uh do we already destroy the

chore wheel i feel like we’re done with

the chore wheel now

oh yeah we can do you just want to throw

that into the clothes fire

yeah yeah that’s easy enough okay that’s

if you guys

can you go ahead and just chuck the

chore wheel just right into the fire

yes well

thank you so much to dr hill ben dosh

for coming on the show today

oh and join our patreon oh that’s yeah

do that

we have a patreon with all sorts of

exclusive uh

i mean i mean it’s mostly like found

footage we’re trying to

sort of put together our own blair witch

we’re figuring it out but join the

patreon

yeah we’ve and when you say found like

we have

gone up to people it’s a lot of

jaywalking it’s a lot of

uh we we get really close to people

that was a great segment yeah yeah we go

to but we do go to forests we do go to

streets we do go to um

oceans we go to the mountains the

camera’s so shaky the camera is so shaky

that’s the main thing about it really is

the shaky camera

and we that’s the authentic yeah cgi is

so much easier

if you can just shake stuff so there’s a

lot of cgi in this found footage

movie that we’re sort of producing on

our patreon

you must have a lot of patrons to be

able to afford cgi oh yeah we use the

same we use the cloverfield people

okay jj jj’s my friend jj’s

studio bad robot you know oh yeah

oh that’s all doctor i apologize for

interrupting no you’re good all right

but once again thank you to

dr Heale Bahndodge for coming on the show

thank you to uh cameron our producer

thank you to DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

i mean i i i’m already dreading the the

remix of this podcast

[Music]

i would like to unreservedly apologize

for booking R. kelly i thought to the

dishes

was that high energy peeps

are you guys trying to

yeah you’re gonna be sort of like sound

clipped to death

it’s supposed to be a little fun a

little medical podcast a little medical

podcast

i come on it’s dr heale bandodge and we

sell some [ __ ] bandage

asking about r kelly

[Music]

do you know how many months i was in

meetings every week for this

my name is dr londonsmith.com and this

has been

the jock dock podcast see ya

freedom and wheat boys you boast as you

lay your cards down

when you had put out the word that you

decided to host a card game night

some of your co-workers had been very

enthusiastic

insisting that they have plenty of

different ones that they’ve been wanting

to try out

you played it casual when they showed up

to your den

with beer and all manner of strange

looking cards and

specifying to each other which games

they wanted to try first

you realized that this was not going to

blow over

you needed to take charge we are playing

go fish that is the game

and if you don’t like it get out of my

house

or i will fetch the shotgun

and no this is not a joke

there was some nervous laughter but they

act we asked

one thing you learn in life is that if

you only know one thing

you put everything on the line so you

can win at that one thing

only a fool gambles with unknowns

speaking of one good thing don’t forget

to leave a five star review of the jock

doc podcast

which you share about the times when

your insecurity about a casual game

night has led to some serious threats of

violence

and consider joining our patreon where

we have new episodes that ditch the

medical lessons to give you a hefty dose

of improvised comedy

and while you’re at it go ahead and

share the jock doc podcast with a

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you can send them a link to your

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and don’t forget to take a peek at our

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@jockdocpodcast thanks for listening

89. Diverticulitis/Captain Keel Over (feat. Kyle Anderson)

Ahoy children you’re about to listen to

a comedy podcast

that means that none of this is medical

advice if you need medical advice or

medical care

please contact your doctor welcome to

the jock doc

podcast featuring dr london

smith put on your scrubs and get in the

tub and let’s listen to this podcast

introducing your host dr london

smith

hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast where we discuss fitness and

health

and how to incorporate our modern

understanding of science and medicine

into our daily lives

but without it being so boring i’m your

host dr london smith

i’d like to begin by apologizing to our

listeners

we’ve received some feedback about the

excessive amount of technical medical

terms that i’ve been using

such as leomayo mata uterai

and boy oh boy oh boy so i will try to

temper my terminology to a simpler one

in the future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron hey dr london how are

uh the the kind of like

hat you’re wearing is a little

interesting today what okay well

it’s very tall it’s like new yeah no i

mean i can tell it’s new

you did leave the tag on it because that

was i think you think that’s cool

because people did that yeah like years

ago like 15 years ago

yes well people can see that i got it on

sale that’s what i’m trying to

show i’m a savvy shopper okay so is this

an advertisement like are you asking for

are you wanting people to come to you

and say like

dude where are the best deals or is it

just a

talking point because you’re still in

your scrubs which i think is the

maybe confusing i thought you kind of

had to wear what isn’t there sort of

like a hat scrub thing a scrub hat

yeah whenever you’re scrubbing for

surgery there’s a there’s a hair thing

that you can wear but this is more for

um

i don’t want to say i’m trying to think

of the right word

so when you’re strutting around the

office you’re starting on the clinic

wherever you’re talking yes yeah okay

okay that’s that’s more or less the term

so

um and you’ll see it’s got spirals on it

it’s like a dr seuss hat except kind of

at a tilt

all the spirals and lots of feathers and

so i just well you also okay i mean

this is sort of a question i wanted to

ask because you say it’s dr

susie and you but you have or you say

it’s like

cat in the hattie right yeah yeah sorry

that’s what i mean but you’ve got

whose from horton hears a who’s sticking

out the top of it

yeah now you’re just mixing up stories

yeah i mean to some extent

like so for that one i just like to the

big lesson i took from that is listen to

me and that’s really what the hat’s

about

yeah listen to me see me i want

attention or else

yeah well sometimes you walk into a

patient’s room and they’ll say

you know where’s the doctor and it

you’re usually hiding at this point yes

yeah and so this this way it kind of

takes away that issue because i’ll be

hiding

but and that’s just a habit yeah because

i’m always sort of

creeping around i don’t want to well

you’re a natural introvert

london you’re a natural introvert i

don’t know well not to mention the

telemarketers they’re always calling

oh i feel like if i can hide enough it’s

a way for you to get away from the world

but if someone’s really looking for you

they can kind of

look around the room and find a little

who sticking out of the top of a hat

yeah

you’re maybe crouched behind like a like

a love seat or

a lazy boy or something like that yeah

or a hospital

bed yeah and i don’t know how your

room’s decked however you want to

decorate your room in your office is

fine by me yeah well thank you you know

not not everyone’s so considerate

especially the administration

uh but anyway um so that’s that’s our

producer cameron uh also with us is

DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

[Music]

so when you’re strutting around the

office you’re starting on the clinic

wherever

[Music]

peacocking

[Music]

[Music]

peacock

[Music]

[Music]

peace

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

and that’s just that happen because i’m

always sort of creeping around

and later cameron tells me we can expect

a special guest

that’s right dr london all right well so

you know for listeners please look

forward to that but uh before we move on

i would like to address a bit of

listener feedback

so i found this note

yeah okay well you know what that sounds

like feedback to me

let’s address your concerns what

what do you dislike about getting

listener feedback

no i was just wondering if like we had

to

if it was some sort of like either moral

or legal obligation that we have to

address the listeners i don’t can you

get can you

can hey listeners can you play on your

phone for a second take your headphones

off listeners

i don’t like yeah that’s good that’s a

good thing to say to them yeah i don’t

like the listeners

i know you keep telling me this most of

them are too tall kind of like your hat

and i don’t like that i don’t like

being around people who intimidate me by

their height

so you think the hat’s no good no no the

hat’s fine

because you’re not tall it’s the hat

that’s tall i hate your hat

okay okay so you me with a hat is the

way that the hat works okay okay

um yeah it’s fine yeah it complements my

style of being too short

yes but it’s like so i had a listener

the other day and he i was

i was at a uh i was at a bar and i was

hanging out with

like just tons and tons and tons of

people just tons of people hanging

around

everyone’s like uh you know it’s like

you’ve been at bars right when

everyone’s like butt to gut because it’s

like so packed in there

a while ago yeah um and so like we’re

all just talking and laughing and like

screaming and screaming these songs

well no this was thursday and so

we were doing all those things and this

listener comes up and says hey cam

here’s some feedback for you maybe

maybe uh do something about maybe talk

about pixar

more because remember that one time we

talked about pixar

that was i thought that was fine and i

was like i don’t

want to do that and now i’ve already

done it now i’ve already brought it into

the podcast

yeah so do you see how frustrating this

can be it doesn’t sound that

frustrating to me it’s oh

leave me alone so i guess to answer your

question

we don’t legally have to but i do feel a

certain obligation

perhaps even a moral one okay to address

concerns

does that make sense then i will let you

i will let you do that

and i’m just gonna sit back okay that’s

that’s fine because i have

i can answer these questions as easily

sure sure so i found this note stamped

into the ground

ugh by an enormous footprint

i mean okay i i think it was a footprint

uh it might have been more like a crater

it had a lot of

smoldering ash and glowing rock nearby

in the center

so so anyway i found this note on the

ground in there

the note reads quote what store is only

fans

do they have humidifiers end quote

so first of all thank you so much to

this listener for reaching out

and cameron you want to say thank you do

you want to say thank you as well

yeah all right uh so

to answer your question i think it’s

pretty obvious that a store called only

fans would exclusively

sell fans that to sell anything else

would be false advertisement so

it could also be fan memorabilia okay no

that’s that is like

maybe like a cal ripken junior baseball

card

or like a cal ripken junior jersey or

like a cal rick and junior like

signed baseball from you know one of his

many games that he was in

so you’re saying something

it’s dedicated to cal ripken junior yeah

okay

i think it’s a caloric thing junior fan

site is what i’m trying to get at okay

the baseball hall of fame baseball

player who was famous for

like playing the most games in a row or

something like that okay

that was like his claim to fame yeah and

that’s why only fans are so

greatly associated with cowark and

junior okay not

well you’re hearing more and more about

these days people are really excited

about it i think that’s really cool

yeah yeah guess it is i didn’t you know

i’m not as connected with everything

uh yeah as i you know i wish i was but

anyway

to that listener thank you for listening

and cameron you want to say thank you

now for today’s medical topic

diverticulitis

so previously we discussed how

diverticulosis

is an outpouching in the wall of the

colon and the colon is of course another

term for the large intestine

so in diverticulosis the inner layer of

the colon bulges through a focal area of

weakness in the colon wall

usually in an area of blood vessel

penetration

one complication of this outpouching is

known as diverticulitis

and that’s what we’re talking about

today and that occurs when okay and i

think

well hold on i think i think maybe to

like

i’ve been thinking about it lately and i

don’t know a lot of this podcast relies

on

assuming you know

what you’re reading okay so like

whenever but we never see like the

other side so maybe we can hear from the

other side a little bit

too and that’s me okay that’s i didn’t

know

i didn’t know there was an alternative

side to this

yeah so my thing is

um if you were to step in something like

real goopy

and you need to get it off you can use

like rubbing alcohol and pour that on

there and it sort of just like scrapes

off really easily

and i think if more people were

knowledgeable about that we would see

less infected feet in our hospitals

which is sort of an epidemic lately that

has not been discussed by media

at some when you say epidemic

it sounds like very focal in origin like

maybe it’s just you

because yeah but it’s happening i mean

it’s happening daily it’s all the time

everywhere everywhere around me i’m

seeing these people with infected feet

well and you keep saying people but it

is every day

every day when i wake up it’s just well

you have a lot of mirrors set up

and it’s almost as if you want to see it

and you want to feel a congregation of

people relating to you

i don’t mind seeing it i’m not like

offended by the infected feet i just

think we should do something about it as

a society

instead of just throwing it under the

rug yeah

and so anyway now it’s here yeah i was

gonna say so i don’t really see this as

an alternative

idea this is just separate um but one

complication

two sides are the same issue i mean one

complication of

that outpouching of diverticulosis is

known as diverticulitis

which occurs when feces become impacted

in the diverticulum

leading to erosion and micro perforation

so clinically

acute diverticulitis is suspected in

patients with lower abdominal pain

typically in the left lower quadrant

abdominal tenderness on physical exam

and increased white blood cell count on

lab testing uh to exclude alternatives

and i want to say so the i think

what you’re talking about when your

foot’s infected like that it’s actually

a

lower white cell count okay i don’t

i don’t think that that because you’ve

like poured a bunch of it out i mean a

lot of it’s like kind of bleeding and

oozing out

and so you a lot of that white stuff is

just kind of coming out easily

yeah so i i i feel like just your body

has actually

less of it and actually it’s in your

right abdomen

now go ahead i’m sorry you just point

counterpoint back and forth it’s just a

natural

it’s it’s i mean yeah i guess that’s on

me so to exclude alternative

uh conditions like colon cancer or

irritable bowel syndrome

the diagnosis is usually confirmed by

abdominal pelvic ct scan

which also distinguishes complicated

from uncomplicated disease

in the absence of complications like

frank perforation

obstruction fistula abscess acute

uncomplicated diverticulitis can be

treated non-operatively

in most patients acute complications i

disagree okay i think

some of these people who have these feet

infections

desperately need an operation just

something to stop

like the fiery fiery pain at night

and i think that we as a society are

throwing this under the rug

and i don’t think like i think what

you’re implying that that people who

have

feet infections should go to jail

they’re not

animals they just need help i where did

i imply that

the just when you were talking about the

left abdomen stuff it just sort of

seemed like a personal attack towards

people who struggle with a lot of stuff

now they’re

they’re reasons why you should be in

prison

sure but i don’t think that your

your clinical illness is one of those

reasons

does that make sense and this is why

this is why we do this people because

people think like oh debates never help

anyone every

people just double down on their opinion

but you can see here dr london came into

this conversation

saying that people who have infected

feet need to go to jail and i’ve been

able to change his mind with the power

of my words

and that this is free exchange of

thought dr london this is awesome your

turn go ahead

okay uh so acute complicated

diverticulitis requires treatment of

both colonic inflammation and the

specific complication

which typically requires hospitalization

and or surgery

regardless of whether it’s complicated

or uncomplicated diverticulitis itself

is typically also treated with a course

of antibiotics

and so cameron you have right abdominal

pain for your

and i think it’s i’m gonna disagree i

think it’s

actually treated with maybe bandages and

again just like a surgery or something

just something maybe something to like

plug the gap like to plug the hole

would be great yeah and i don’t think we

ruled that out i think

that’s i think it’s a more practical

approach

which foot did you did you say is feet

feet infected yeah sorry it is but and i

sorry i should that’s why if you know if

i look down if you notice

i didn’t really walk in here i sort of i

hopped yeah you have

a box with my feet together tissue yes

it’s just it’s just sort of uh

oh here i can just show you have sort of

melded together

yeah and you so but it smells

good i feel like a lot of these times it

usually smells awful but i mean give it

a whiff just a little it smells like

pretty good no i

i

it at least smells like normal feet it

doesn’t smell like anything extra smells

like something extra

just and that might just be my foot okay

budget uh do you mind if we move on from

there

are you have you had your alternative

opinion expressed enough

let me think what do i think about like

i could talk about like nascar no i i

feel like we could move on um

i could talk about like garth brooks i

could talk about maybe like the state of

okay your feet

juice is getting all over now and i feel

like we

oh let me put it back in my shoe box

yeah sorry about that yeah

okay all right yeah i think i’m done

okay yeah we’ll go ahead and move on

from there then

oh wait um nascar

you have these gut you got this guy just

driving in a circle over and over again

i mean right you watch that

and that’s your your alternative opinion

on the treatment of diverticulitis

no i’m just like i’m kind of just like

spitballing here yeah okay

i get to do with my time what i want to

do with my time

yeah well okay okay we’ll move on

i’m done i’m done

all right uh cameron you said that we

have a guest today is that right

that’s right dr london i am very very

excited for our guest today

wow great uh well hello my name is dr

londonsmith.com

and this is our producer cameron uh what

was your name

my name is keel over captain

keelover oh

okay um dude

not to be confused with my my younger

brother neil

okay can i ask where the captain comes

from i mean are you

are you are you a service member or are

you a

sailor i don’t really know where the

word captain like what

how does that in your title i have

a boat oh a beautiful

boat

is is that that’s okay i mean i can get

behind that okay i mean dr london

i mean it’s it’s it’s new to me too i

mean i just got it

i but i’m a captain now yeah okay i’m

the captain

like the i’m the guy i’m the captain

yeah

so because i the the only thought i had

was like maybe it was a captain morgan

situation like maybe you’d

just imbibe so this is a boating

situation

yeah um yeah aren’t you said you prefer

that to be called

captain captain over captain kilo

captain over okay

well captain over what uh what brings

you here today

oh man i just just kind of stir crazy i

mean

been trying to learn how to sail and

it’s not been going

well oh man

okay yeah i mean anything

you wanted to hear advice from us or did

you want us to teach you how to sail

or i mean i mean i’ve been able to sail

places

uh but i you know been at steve

stuck for a for a long time

i’m really happy to see you too anyone

really

okay so no we we do get this a lot where

where guests will come in

from from outward adventures and

for for whatever reason i don’t know if

cameron has advertisements on

buoys or

attached to seagulls or something but no

no no no i just for whatever

time notes well they’re flyers i tie

flyers to fish

and then i release them into the ocean

okay that way

it’s like tagging well it’s sort of yeah

i mean it’s just

i think it’s even more like putting a

message in a bottle

but way cheaper way cheaper

just a tiny little string is way cheaper

than buying a bunch of empty bottles

wow and so this way you put it out into

the ocean and then whoever finds it it’s

kind of like

fate it’s like you know that this person

was destined to be your listener

and i think that’s kind of special this

is where we get most of our listeners

these days

wow that’s just so intelligent who’s the

doctor here

cameron it’s this is

this is actually been up for debate for

a while i was

knighted in a way and to be a doctor

yes in in the past on this show and i

have

performed surgery well i can’t i can’t i

have allegedly performed

surgery allegedly on

like a sleeping person but i doctor for

the purposes of this show dr london’s

the doctor i’ll back off on that

what’s up with that hat you’re wearing

oh it is getting harder to balance i’ll

admit

uh every time i feel like it’s not

working in clinic i do kind of add

a few inches to it and so now it’s add a

couple more hoops

i feel like part of the reason i wanted

to become a captain was not only to own

a boat but i just wanted a hat too

so i totally get your you’re into hats

that’s great

and i i do love your hat by the way

captain over

but i again i i i want to say it’s too

big for your head it’s almost like a

captain version of like a 12 gallon hat

yeah like one of those extremely large

cowboys i’m not compensating

it i was not i wasn’t saying i i don’t

know

fashion that well i don’t know trans

especially aquatic fashion that is so

foreign to me so i mean i was not making

any judgments at all

i was just noting it you know it’s

really big yeah

it keeps like bump yeah it keeps like

bumping me a little bit

it’s fine i mean i i am when i walked

into the hat store

when i bought the boat the hat store and

the boat store were really connected so

they really

got me for a one-two punch and because

i’m so tall

they just got me the biggest hat they

had and um

yeah i don’t fit very well in my boat

it’s a pretty small boat but um

you know i’ve got a big hat now i could

probably

probably sail the hat better than the

boat

you know honestly get like a little

paddle while you’re sitting in a big hat

and you just kind of

row yourself away that’d be pretty cool

yeah it’s like its own

you know life raft how long

were you out on the sea um

and how long have you had this boat uh

it’s

it’s been so long and so sure i’d say

it’s been six months

and i just i went out

and the seagulls

started pecking on my eyes i have

barnacles

on my everywhere and i just

i have been gone too long so oh so six

months is the answer to both of those

questions

how long have you been gone and when did

you get it so you got lost i mean just

right away day one yeah they

they he though and i was gone and

and i didn’t you know couldn’t get back

if if i could ask uh why

how did you acquire a boat i guess

that’s because that

it sounds like you just went for it the

moment you had a boat

what led up to having it yeah so i’ve

been stuck in

quarantine for too long yes saw this

wonderful movie called medicine man

sean connery casual sexist

normal role for him isn’t that required

in medical school

seeing medicine man anyway long story

short

he goes to the jungle and he finds ants

that cure cancer and so i wanted to go

i wanted to to go there and do that

and fix it but i didn’t get very far

when you say there yeah where are you

going

i just i thought the winds would take me

and that

i thought the hat kind of directed you

along

you know to where kind of like where the

fish message would go

to where it needed to be that the winds

would kind of do

the same do you know that word i don’t

know how many like sailing words

like uh like you know that i i know like

the current events

is that what you mean

like a present event like the most

recent event of the direction the water

is going

the direction the water is going okay

but like the most

recent event of it so it is kind of

related are you a sailor that you just

seem to know so much

oh i’m just a hobbyist i’m just a

hobbyist

so did my boats i can’t help but so it’s

just wait well i can’t help but wonder

so

cameron tagged all these fish by tying

flyers to them did did that

impact your sailing journey that did

that bring you back to shore

how did this play out i set sail um

i’m sure i got one of your message

messages on one of your

fish um wait

you say it very generally like kind of

like saying

you know i i’m sure i saw whatever

seagull i saw whichever

port or something like did you actually

see a note tied to a fish because that

seems rare to me

i mean there were thousands i must have

i must have uh

gotten caught in the school of fish that

you let go

what do you keep saying i must i must

have found a fire i must have done this

do you do you remember much of your time

out that see

um i remember a lot um

i remember some of my teeth falling out

i remember eating some fish

fish eyes in particular and for our

listeners

you know we haven’t really been pointing

it out because it’s kind of

we just try to be polite but your face

is completely

red sunburned you you are visibly

missing teeth

and uh it looks like

i don’t know it looks like you haven’t

showered and

i mean and since you got back which i’ve

gotta ask

without taking a shower brushing your

teeth or changing your clothes it looks

like

i mean i i like the smell i mean i got

used to it

and i just i mean isn’t the aroma like

the the man of the sea aroma isn’t that

like an old spice

scent right yeah i mean

it’s very i guess it is very seductive

i feel like it is clashing with

cameron’s foot smell

feet smell rather it’s definitely clash

clashing with my foot smell but i would

say

maybe the seafaring smell is also mixed

with things like

urine excrement vomit and just a lot of

fish smell i would say it’s really

fishier than it is like sea yeah it is

fishy

do you have barnacles too on your feet

because these things i can’t get these

off i can’t

i can’t look i can’t look under my feet

so i’m not exactly sure

because it’s you know it’s kind of like

a welded together block

but um i don’t know there’s something

under there i think it moves

it has solidified whatever it is

if it was barnacles it’s just a block i

don’t think it’s barnacles anymore

i think it’s evolved it’s part of the

foot

i think it’s more than a foot yeah i

guess that’s the best way to put it if

there were barnacles

they are they are the foot now and

that’s good it means you can

so to call them barnacles would be

misleading you could walk on deck and

not

worry about uh stubbing your stuff in

your toes you can not get any splinters

yeah that’s great well i can’t walk i

have to hop is

stub toe a big concern on the ship

because i

i guess in my mind you know navigating

the sea would be the big thing or

but i don’t know i’m not really known

for sailing yeah the biggest biggest

problem for me

is uh stuffing my toes hitting my head

that’s the biggest problem

okay is that is that because of your hat

being

so large or because the boat being so

small

i mean i guess the boat is tiny

i mean it can it can barely fit me

yep you actually kind of think so i’m

looking out the window and i do see

a boat out there is that yours oh yeah

oh yeah okay it’s fine okay so it’s

small enough for you to carry here

yeah cause that’s that’s a regular

parking lot it’s not like

we aren’t in a port yeah it rained and

so i was able to

you know kind of get her in you know

okay a little bit

for the listeners it it does look like a

like a proper sailing boat but it’s the

exact

size of like a life raft wow so it looks

like you could maybe fit like

four people on it tops if you were

shorter of a person but because of your

height

sort of you know if you want to lay down

or something you know you need the space

standing up though maybe like three

people but sitting down

no not gonna happen nope so

is this the first place you went after

you got back from your six months at sea

because that seems like a long time to

go without

you know like did you it looks like

as i said you’re you’re kind of bleeding

from all these different spots

it looks like you could be having scurvy

uh do you know about scurvy do you know

what that is

i i know that my teeth hurt okay well

that’s

yeah and that is scurvy so that that

would be an issue so you need to see a

dentist about your scurvy issue for sure

but i i i still want to like

i mean i want to get back to your time

out there you had so much time alone i

mean did you not

learn anything from that i feel like you

know that would be very difficult but

maybe sort of enlightening in a way

like getting away from everyone like

that and

were there any lessons you brought back

from the sea with you

that you end where you begin i mean i

set out from

the ocean not too far from here and

the ocean brought me back okay that’s

that’s my lesson my sailor’s wisdom

yeah i feel like i could have figured

that out without doing

without going on the same journey uh did

you

but did you take the journey you have to

take the journey

the journey’s the real that is so

important

i’m not sure if you answered this before

maybe i missed it but

was there a reason why you acquired the

boat

i’m i’m trying to like because it sounds

like you didn’t

like you don’t have even a passing

interest in

the hobby of sailing it sounds

well it sounded like he was he was

trying to get to wherever

that’s right wherever the medicine man

is

in the jungle it’s in a jungle in

indonesia

you can’t take a plane you can’t take a

car

gotta take a boat i’m a captain wanted

to go

so okay you got in the boat it was just

gonna take you to the medicine man

jungle just by default

and then so you let’s say let’s say your

adventure

worked you get on land and then what

what

what was your intention what were you

trying to do specifically was your

illness trying to find

in this movie they find these ants that

can cure

cancer right and you said you wanted to

do something i wanted to

bring the ants back

oh that was was that like the one

downfall of that movie was that

they were so selfish they just kept the

cancer ants

also no spoilers i also no spoilers so

you can’t spoil the movie

um especially if there’s a twist ending

which i would assume would be that

like maybe maybe the aunt gives someone

cancer

on accident or something but i’m not

going to speculate because i got to see

it

but like okay so you were just gonna get

to the jungle and just start searching

for ants

yes absolutely i was gonna start digging

climbing

so you weren’t gonna try to meet someone

there wasn’t like a person like a

contact you were trying to get to

no it was just me it’s it was me myself

and i

captain wow keel over yeah so

wow and there’s um so what i’m also

thinking is

in the movie did and what

i don’t want to get into spoiler

territory so maybe just stop me if

i’m going too far but if it was at all a

historical movie

then do you think they might have just

brought the ants back within the movie

and then you can look up

like what happened on the internet

so naive the ants were in that specific

habitat

and you couldn’t you couldn’t just bring

them out of their natural habitat that’s

that’s just wrong yeah that is that is

wrong

what were you gonna do then i was going

to bring them out of their natural

habitat

okay so so you but i was gonna do it so

it was

fine yeah so it was they were gonna do

it the movie was like too moral

yeah it was too sappy i wanted to do it

the real way the right way

i guess that makes sense like you saw in

the movie they didn’t bring them back

and you’re like oh

i’ll go get them if they’ve been waiting

there for so long that’s a cure for

cancer

yeah yeah it’s right there

i mean the movie wasn’t able to you know

no spoilers but

don’t have a cure for cancer so had to

go go out and get these ants

so is this okay and i guess this leads

me to another question

has this ever happened before where

you’re watching a movie

and you get an idea from the movie

and then make a purchase a significant

purchase which that

that is a nice boat outside like it’s

it’s small but it’s nice

oh yeah it’s small it’s like the kid’s

version

of like a yacht yeah like i can see from

here like fully stocked bar it’s got

everything in there and if a yacht could

only hold

one very tall person that’s what we’re

looking at so

and everything else is very small too so

like london’s talking about a fully

stocked bar

they’re very very tiny not like

travel size looks like the normal size

of drinks but shrunk down to scale

so so if that have you ever done this

before

or is what made this time the time that

you know

pushed you to make the purchase that’s

what i’m wondering here

oh i’ve done this before i tried to buy

a submarine

um i ended up buying a huge jeep after

seeing jurassic park

uh i’ve tried to buy airplanes

i want to go back to the to the jurassic

park thing like you bought a jeep to

what to go to jurassic park of course

oh okay didn’t they you so you saw i

mean the

chaos and everything and the deaths and

i mean what

what were you gonna do what was your

plan with that i wanted to save

some of the flora and fauna there i

wanted to go there and bring it back

so your focus was on the plants just

like the doctors when they first got

there it was all about the plant life

that was yeah so

this is environmentally motivated but

the ants

you were like screw them yeah

yeah it was just something i had to do

and okay no well that is not a proper

answer

you just said there’s something you have

to do i had to go get this

you see these two movies and you came to

two opposite conclusions i had to go get

the ants

one was i have to protect the the

habitat and the other one is

i can’t believe they’re trying to

protect this habitat i mean i was trying

to steal a dinosaur too

i mean i would also you know in your

defense one of them

is the cure for cancer the other one

uh not maybe not as uh

pressing to our own humanity and you

know the salvation yeah i would say

that’s very true like

thank you dr london god the the ant

thing is

at least positively motivated it seems

i would say like it has good motivations

behind it

the jurassic park i don’t you just

wanted to you just wanted to protect the

fauna well and

one other thing about the jurassic park

they don’t get to the park by

jeep or like they have to either fly

there

by helicopter usually or by go by boat

that’s true the jeeps are on the island

amazing great

idea i should go buy a helicopter thank

you so much dr london that’s a great

conclusion i’m sorry was that

was that insult i know they’re expensive

i’m just

i no no that wasn’t sarcastic

yeah so that’s a good idea

you said you got an airplane as well

what movie had you watched that led you

to that conclusion

airplane airplane airplane the movie

oh so you saw the movie airplane and

everyone’s like

doing hijinks and everything and

i mean what was the goal there the goal

there was to

try the fish try and eat the fish eat

the chicken

eat all the the uh the food oh eat the

the two options because one would be see

what the poison was you know

try and figure out what the poison was

oh so

you you didn’t buy like a private plane

or like a jet you bought like a

commercial plane

including it sounds like the food host

exact replica

what are plane hostesses called steward

steward people stewardesses

stewardess yeah yep yeah exact replica

with fish and all

it cost me a pretty penny how much did

it cost well i bought it off of

craigslist

so it was uh wow 14.99

well it was it was really you know

100 payments easy easy payments of 14.99

um okay i think per per month

for a long time yeah for a long

100 payments per month yeah yeah i guess

it was

it they’re easy payments easy payments

yeah but you’re doing 100 a month that

means you’re doing at least like three a

day why not consolidate that to just

like

you know taxes that’s great you

uh you know finances you know everything

oh

okay okay okay yeah that’s a good that’s

true

yeah taxes i don’t even think about the

taxes

here’s here’s a question that i have now

if

for you know you say you spent that much

on an airplane

for a lot of these things i would think

like okay maybe

you planned for an investment but over

the course of our conversation i

convinced you to buy a helicopter

in passing if i may ask

are are you well off financially and if

so

you know is it inherited do you have

what do you do for your actual

work captain i i feel like captain might

be a new title for you

it is i it’s a you know

except fresh new captain except when

you’re on the plane i guess

yeah yeah i guess you would have already

been a captain there

and kind of the jeep i’m the captain of

my car i say i i say that a lot yeah

i’ll admit that you’re the captain of

yeah

yeah but yeah where’s the where’s the

money come from where’s the money

yeah where’s the cash let’s talk money

all right well

big secret i actually don’t have any

money

oh and i’ve been able to swindle all of

these people into giving me their

vehicles

nice so then what are the hundreds i am

dead

i am dead broke what are the 100

payments you’re making a month of

14.99 that’s uh that’s other people’s

money

taxes okay and with taxes yeah that’s

true

i’m glad that you’re concerned about the

taxes when you’re

taking other people’s money that’s

really considerate

you know what thank you not everyone

notices that yeah and um you know they

know who they are

but they noticed uh just thank you for

they probably noticed the rest

is what i’m saying uh yeah not yet but

yeah

you know maybe so this and you know i

don’t want to sound harsh here but this

does

sound you know criminal in nature

well what what you’re doing does that

make sense

criminal are you taking people’s bank

account information

and applying it to your purchases or is

it

convincing give it to me yeah they they

give it to me

okay so you’re just a very persuasive

person

i guess okay i i

am i am the most persuasive person maybe

we can i feel like there’s maybe some

confusion we can explain this a little

bit more

like so dr london is asking are you a

criminal like the 2016 movie

with kevin costner and gary oldman and

tommy lee jones

i have not seen that movie i assume

there has to be a criminal in that

does that make a little more sense now

someone who

breaks the law that’s that seems to be

ringing

ringing a celebrity ah a celebrity

yeah yeah i think that’s because i

haven’t seen it either but i do

recognize those names so i think they’re

they’re either they’re either the the

you know

big in their field of science and

medicine or they are celebrities

those are the only two categories that i

know who’s to say there’s that’s really

impossible and what’s the distinction

between them honestly

very little the line is so blurry jones

i ran up to ryan reynolds the other day

and i asked him if he would look at my

foot

because i associate celebrities so much

with the medical field

well i didn’t run up to him i hopped

very quickly to him

but if it’s fast enough it can kind of

look like running

but it’s it’s it’s it has not ever been

that fast i just i can assume

so you practice your hobble that seems

like a really good skill to have

i exercise you know i’m not just stuck

at home

i hop around but enough about me captain

what is i mean what’s

what’s the plan next are you getting on

the boat again the plan next

the open road the open sky open sea i

don’t know

um my my goal my goal was to get healthy

and

come here to see someone to help me with

all my medical problems

but it seems like i’ve been talking

mostly to cameron about

taxes and um i just

i need i need help with uh what’s wrong

with you well the scurvy

i think is a big thing uh scurvy

i can see your ribs because we didn’t

mention but you are just your clothes

are in tatters

yes uh and except for your hat if your

hat is

yeah anyone who knows anything good

about fashion besides a hat of course

that’d be great if you could point me in

there yeah so for one thing i would

you know go for some um some fruits

you know some fruits and vegetables and

i can really

just fill out your whole diet it looks

like you just haven’t eaten

food which i don’t know if you brought

provisions for your trip

but food is well he was saying that he

he was grabbing fish out of the sea

right and eating them right

am i right yep yep yep the eyes were

particularly tasty

oh wow i like the eye fish eyes are just

i don’t know if you ever had fish eyes

but

i think it’s that’s one of those um sort

of high-end

delicacies that a lot of people don’t

realize

you’ve had fish eyes of course after

london uh i don’t know that

the eyes of a of a fish are really that

they don’t contain the vitamins that

you’re missing i guess is what i’m

saying

but you’re on land you can just go

to most restaurants and find you know

a full meal that will cover your food

groups

so there’s more food groups other than

fish

you’re telling me this that’s incredible

it’s been six months it’s only been six

months you did

what were you eating before you went on

the ship

i don’t remember much from before i mean

it’s been okay being at sea do

being on that long journey out there all

by myself

so when you were talking about with

airplane how the

options being fish and chicken right

you were just talking about like a pet

chicken you weren’t even talking about

food at that point

yeah i didn’t know you could eat chicken

yep yep yeah that’s right

that’s right yeah what else is wrong

with you i mean

dr london fixed this man yeah i i got so

many things going on

what else we got it looks like it’s

pretty i mean you should visit a dentist

which isn’t really

you know so much my thing uh

what hurts the most

what hurts the most

my neck my neck hurts so much

i couldn’t i just take it out just take

it off my neck

i just can’t are you dr london are you

going to perform a

neck removal please take it please take

it

i don’t want it out of so his head is

attached to his shoulders

i could be shorter so i don’t hit my

head on my boat so much yeah no that’s

that’s kind of difficult to do and

that’s not really

within reason um and i do see

you do have something stuck to the back

of your neck is that a

okay those are leeches there so that’s

another thing i didn’t know those were

salt water dwelling creatures but it

looks like you do have leeches on i mean

yeah fred and saul

and henry my friends don’t i don’t want

to

yeah i like how you remove them and then

put them back because

yeah they’re they’re they are your

friends

they’re a part of you okay um so

this is just sort of thing of modern

medicine is that we rarely use

leeches as medical treatment and we

usually

don’t have them as we don’t keep them as

friends on our bodies so much

but you said sometimes so it means

sometimes you do use them right

and that that case must be in my case no

right

right yeah he got you

[Laughter]

dr london you’ve been owned so bad deny

look it sounds like it sounds like all

you need to do keep the leeches

eat a bunch of lemons um i don’t know

change your pants um but

the lemons are gonna they’re gonna get

my gums because it’s gonna

hurt yeah i don’t wanna do that it’s

gonna hurt

it’s gonna hurt but do you wanna be

better or not getting bet

medicine is work you know you can’t just

be like oh doctor

inject me with something no you’ve got

to wake up every day early in the

morning

and you’re going to there’s surgery for

this like can i get this fixed some

other way

i don’t want it i don’t want like a

surgery that that just puts the limits

straight in your stomach without having

to touch your

i we you could i think a tracheotomy

could do that right dr london

i’m sure there is a way but this is i

think going to be less

painful even in even in the short term

probably

is to just do it the um the normal way

but you know i as much as i want to keep

going through this

and all these issues you have and you

really should acquire some

some pants some trousers uh i feel as if

we are we need to do the chore

that is true i just real quick i want to

offer if you

need an alleged surgeon

who kind of operates like out of a

garage

and you need a sort of a large

tracheotomy so we can just start shoving

lemons down your

neck like in your neck uh

i know a guy okay i will but yeah dr

london we do gotta

that will grab this card we have a

chocolate

yeah so we um we have these chores we

have to do sometimes

the tours we’re talking about these are

just tasks and

and things that we needed to get done

and we were lazy

and haven’t gotten it done and so for a

little while now we’ve been

spinning this chore we’ve put all of our

chores onto this huge wheel and we give

it a spin whatever it lands on we have

to do it

and so uh i mean captain over do you

want to give the wheel a bit of a spin

i would love to i used to do this on the

boat and just spin the wheel spin the

wheel and see where it lands love it

oh that’s a that’s a boating thing oh

that that wheel okay okay the steering

wheel and it may be the source of

some issues but i won’t we don’t even

need to go but yeah yeah you can just

okay

spin this wheel for now okay sounds good

okay and it landed on okay i did not

want to do this one

oh no well because this one’s more

i i feel like it’s mean spirited

compared to some of the other ones

um but i mean it’s a mean spirit for a

mean world dr london sometimes you got

to toughen up

because we have the trash that we

haven’t taken out for

months because it just hasn’t come up on

the wheel

but i guess it’s not the choice it’s not

in the tour wheel well it is on the

channel

yeah we’ll land on take out the trash

eventually i assume

yeah okay so i mean you can do it

anytime

any you can do anything you want

voluntarily i’m not taking up the trash

until it

pops up no that’s the rule for the you

know for the whole studio we

whenever it lands on it um okay so sorry

for listeners

you know we all had our reactions in

person here but uh

it landed on in memoriam for the people

who are still alive

but are dead to me and so that’s going

to apply to

each of us captain over is that is that

all right

with you we try to bring in you know

the guests to help us with this

i would love to help more hands makes

less work

all right all right so i mean uh dr

london do you want to start us off

yeah yeah so it’s in memoriam for people

who are still alive but are dead to me

it’s funny that we we have me talking

about a sort of nautical theme today

because

so there’s this man outside who whenever

i pass by

you know on the quay he’ll yell at me

and he’ll say hey hey bring some french

fries for the birds

i’ll be like yeah so i don’t i this

like i don’t walk by a fast food place

or whatever like i don’t i don’t have

french fries with me

but every day he’ll yell at me french

fries birds

and then he’ll throw french fries for

the birds

and then he’ll point at me point at the

fries

and then like just shrug his shoulders

but angrily

and so um you know it’s i know that guy

yeah so he’s he’s gotten a little bit

more

uh pushy about it because this started

it’s been years now yeah uh

but so now whatever maybe he was hoping

you would take the hint

and like bring some fries every once in

a while but yes

i’m guessing that never happened is that

what he was trying to say

i i don’t know i don’t okay because now

now because because because i used to

bring

fries around there like and then i would

toss it but like

then this this guy kept showing up so i

was like well never mind

uh so like he i don’t know it just

seemed weird

to do that with a guy to pass out french

fries for the guy i don’t

know maybe it’s just me being weird so

anyway since he started doing that i’ve

been avoiding french fries

in that area and anyway so for me

it’s this guy who’s been just

progressively more pushy

and like he’s thrown stuff at me a few

times

uh anyway so yeah for me

you know rest in peace in my mind and in

my heart

this stranger on the quay

who wants to wants me to bring fries

sorry sorry not sorry i guess i don’t

know

that was your in memoriam yeah yeah

wrestling oh i thought you were just

telling us who he was

to prepare for your in memoriam no that

was you you would get up on a few

at a funeral and just like explain who

this guy is

yeah that’s not very empathetic well

yeah

i guess for him honestly probably at his

funeral some context would probably be

needed

so that actually that kind of checks out

yeah

i can do mine now if you want me to

yeah yeah sure so actually

speaking speaking of birds i i had a

bird friend once

when i was out out at sea um

it was very lonely as you might have

guessed

and there was a one bird

that used to follow my boat and uh

well i’ll not really follow because my

boat really didn’t go anywhere

it was just there so it really circled

the boat i guess

spy overhead yeah yeah i just passed by

and uh got him to land once got him to

land

gotta pet him once

but as soon as i started uh

you know maybe

tried to bite his leg he uh flew away

didn’t come back

and this wasn’t an albatross was it by

any chance there’s

this poem i remember where that

can become problematic anyway i named

him

birdie uh but

you know he might have been an albatross

i don’t i don’t know

yeah i imagine he was i imagine he was

really

all right and friendly but now he’s

now he’s not now yeah that is and i

guess we didn’t say

r.i.p to the fry man

wow that is sad french fries maybe rest

in power

yeah i said rest in peace i

which that’s what those initials yeah

that’s what it

represents to me sometimes but cameron

do you have oh these are these are

harder to get through than i thought

yeah yeah uh i

yeah i’m i’m gonna maybe treat this you

know a little bit more like a

you know an actual you know in memoriam

it’s sort of a

like if i was at a funeral and i was

going to like they say some words or

something like that

um

i met the jaw i met the jolly green

giant when i was seven years old

i was refusing to eat my vegetables and

he came

and he stuck his head well you know not

his whole head is really just his eye

because he’s very very tall he’s jolly

and he convinced me to eat my vegetables

because he said otherwise he would eat

me

and i continue to eat my vegetables day

after day after day after day

and then i learned recently that he was

lying and he

never ate a kid ever

so all those vegetables for nothing it

was it might not have been for nothing

that might have actually been healthy

for you

and it it might actually be you’re

standing up at the funeral and you’re

screaming this at me

i i guess so this is why i didn’t want

to do the funeral setting because i knew

this is how you would react

the it’s in memorium and we want to keep

it a little bit casual so that tensions

don’t get high

because i know how you get at funerals

i mean i get i get what you’re saying

like i associate just in memoriam with

like i don’t know the oscars showing

clips of dead people but if you wanted

to do like a proper thing maybe to get

in the right mindset maybe

imagine yourself being there saying some

nice words

and so i want to say jolly green giant

he’s

a heck of a bowler he uh

you know rarely texts back but you know

that when he does

um he actually means it um but

unfortunately he’s a liar and a fraud

and sometimes it takes a really long

time to figure that out and so

um mr giant r.i.p rest in power

and um i don’t know i hope you rot

i don’t know what happens to a large

vegetable man if he just grows into

other vegetables or

mini vegetable man i’m not sure but

i i hope as long as he’s in a compost

he’s probably okay

as long as he rots that’s the big big

part of it

wow it sounds like you lost a friend

and a mentor really you cameron to say

that

yeah yeah these really aren’t

you know it’s kind of with a heavy heart

that now

if we could just go ahead and

uh light the stick of dynamite under the

uh under the chor wheel here to to

eviscerate it because of course once we

finish one chore then

we have to sort of reorganize the entire

thing

to fit the next week’s chore and

everything so

uh uh captain over if you want to go

ahead and do the honors of lighting that

dynamite

i would love to

okay that’s so close that’s it okay

okay well

you know i feel like we’ve been through

a lot today

yeah and i i think it’s hard

time to leave that moment it’s hard to

make this transition

to to anything else but um

uh so so captain over thank you for

being with us today

and i’m sorry we had to end on sort of

such a sad note but

uh is there any way that our listeners

can keep up with you

after this uh you can keep up with me

on twitter um kyle d anderson

all right is that one of the people

you’re stealing money from to fund your

adventures

okay but you got a scandal as well

the gold watch the car his

his wife everything and he gave it to

you yeah and but you can only afford

just a tiny tiny yacht just a very small

yacht that can only hold one

person with other people’s money that’s

all you could afford it’s not the size

of the yacht

i mean i can’t even use it right but you

know i got to start start small

think big start small think big because

it sounded like you were going to go

into the saying of

it doesn’t matter the size that’s how

you use it but quick backtrack

or it’s the motion of the ocean right

all right well so anyway thank you to

captain keel

over for uh for being with us here today

thank you to

uh our producer cameron thank you to

DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

but did you take the journey

that you end where you begin i mean i

set out from

the ocean not too far from here and

the ocean brought me back

that’s that’s my lesson my sailor’s

wisdom

but did you take the journey and take

the journey

[Music]

it’s not the size of me i mean i can’t

even use it right but

you know i gotta start small think big

start small

[Music]

my name is dr londonsmith.com and this

has been

the jock doc podcast see ya

fine fine you suppose that it was a good

idea to hike up here

with this view of a vast plane

stretching out to brush against the

horizon

one can sit back and recognize the

beauty of the planet as well as how

easily one could plummet to their death

with one

single wrong step along this cliff face

when those neighbors kids told you that

they knew science better than you

you knew you had to prove them wrong

those children are so

dumb and you’re about to have proof

you take out a penny careful now this

needs to be perfectly timed and you only

have forty dollars worth of pennies with

you

you prepare a mouthful of spit

stretching your neck out as far as you

dare

over the great drop below penny versus

spit

which will fall faster you let go and

you spit

but your spit was too late and you know

you cannot face those neighbor kids

without being sure

so you take out another penny this could

be a long

night speaking of appropriate

utilization of time

don’t forget to leave a five star review

of the jock talk podcast in which you

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you

88. Diverticulosis/Dr. Arnold Shmeckner (feat. Avery W. Krouse)

Hey kids you’re about to listen to a

comedy podcast that means that none of

this medical advice if you need medical

advice medical care please contact your

doctor

welcome to the jock doc podcast

featuring

dr london smith he’s a doctor

a great host but most importantly a

lover

and if there’s any ladies out there

looking for love tonight

look no further because the doctor is in

baby

i know valentine’s day has passed but

there’s still time to find love at last

so let me introduce your host dr

london smith

he’s a great catch yes

hello and welcome to the jock doc

podcast where we discuss

fitness and health and how to

incorporate our modern understanding of

science and medicine

into our daily lives but without it

being so boring

i’m your host dr londonsmith.com i’d

like to begin

by apologizing to our listeners we’ve

received some feedback about the

excessive amount of technical medical

terms that i’ve been using

such as retroperitoneal hematoma and

post-valentine’s day so i’ll try to

temper my terminology to a simpler one

in the future

here to help with that is our producer

cameron good evening dr

london this is sort of an odd podcast

we’re recording

really really late at night you had said

that you had something this afternoon

yeah so you’ve never you’ve never moved

the time of the podcast before so i feel

like

it’s gotta be like kind of pressing

right well okay so you remember

you remember i had i had a sort of a

date for valentine’s day

um okay yeah so she was like okay

uh you know i’m just getting ready and i

was like okay yeah so we’ll

set seven seven tonight um and i was

like yeah that sounds great seven

or one of us said that anyway anyway so

she’s gonna come at seven

on to the the zoom and we were gonna be

talking but

um you know she was like i’m just still

i’m sorry i’m still getting ready

so you know it was like half an hour an

hour

um you know it kind of hit 9 00 pm and i

was like hey

how are you doing this is yesterday yeah

it was yesterday

uh yeah so 9 p.m she was like

9 p.m and so you oh okay we had to push

the podcast back because you were up

past your bedtime

no no no i wish she was like that so i

don’t just skip okay so i’ll skip

forward so at 9 00 pm she was still

getting ready

at 3 p.m today she was still getting

ready for the date

wow oh yeah do you think maybe she’s not

it’s not like getting ready for the date

it’s getting ready for like

something else like maybe she’s like

getting ready for some sort of

revolution or some sort of like

anarchist movement or something like

that

and that she’s just getting ready rather

than like just getting ready

she or is she getting ready for a career

change

like does she just keep saying the words

i’m getting ready yeah well like she

also said like

you know i’m i’m zipping zipping up

i need to find someone to zip me up uh

like it wasn’t sorry she did say getting

ready a lot that was a big thing

but yeah it was just a few specific

things

that like she said like oh i i can’t do

this class by myself

and i was like like you know i can’t

help you i’m not there

and she’s like yeah oh okay

um but she needed to get zipped up for

clap for

no for the for the zoom for our date oh

i have no idea what the hell is going on

it

i just i’m pretty sure someone’s trying

to steal money from you that’s the only

thing that sounds like yes anyway it was

uh

i guess maybe you had a better

valentine’s day did you have to give

this person your credit card information

to get their phone number

i didn’t get their phone number she gave

this is a

[Music]

this was on a a new app that she she had

me download

um but yeah i i’d put a few of my base

some basic details about myself in the

in that

one thing of which was my credit card

but i don’t see how that’s really

relevant that’s that’s just

yeah here give me your phone real quick

can i see your phone okay

what’s the pet what’s the passcode on

this it’s

well you have to spell out doctor okay

and then

there it’s too many so you have to kind

of go back and forth with

with the spelling back in okay d o

c t

backspace e backspace r is that about

right

uh i honestly like the i usually don’t

make it that far

yeah yeah cause my oh you okay let me

use my thumb on it

yeah just do that okay yeah see dr

london the

the app you’re using here is called fish

freaks

and you see how fish is with the ph

there yeah

you see how when you open the app it

immediately takes a picture of you

and then ask you to take a picture of

your driver’s license no

right after that it asks for your email

and for your passwords for the last

four different websites you’ve used so

she explained that it’s actually

like the spelled ph kind of like fat

yeah

was spelled with ph was really popular

for a little bit and then it says here

step five is install this

on your mothers and grandmother’s phones

yeah why would that be part of this

process if it’s for your day it seemed a

little forward i’ll admit

but uh you know things are going so well

oh okay so maybe she was just trying to

meet the family early

i get that and i don’t even know if it

was early it was just like maybe this is

how it

like it’s it’s modern dating i don’t

know

uh but this is kind of just how it

happens and

you know what you just changed my mind

fish freaks

is a is i guess we we can kind of plug

this on the show

download fish freaks today it’s the

ultimate dating app

for finding love like dr london’s been

able to do

and install it on your mom and

grandmother’s phone

[Music]

great uh so so that was our producer

cameron uh

also with us DJ DYLAN IN DA HOUSE

[Music]

[Music]

yes install it on your mom and

grandmother’s phone

[Music]

did you do this

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

ultimate dating app for finding love

like awkwardly

able to do

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

i know valentine’s day has passed but

time

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

oh and sorry one one thing we should add

about that uh we

said fish freaks is uh sort of a sponsor

of ours

so the promo code for that is the last

four digits of your social security

number

um that’s that’s she she couldn’t make

the date but that was important to her

that our listeners know and i appreciate

uh just just you know our listeners sort

of supporting a show

by by putting it in the code that’s

that’s just how you can support the show

uh that plus our patreon obviously yeah

i would say the fact that they’re a

sponsor mate and it’s an app you’ve

never heard of before

right now or before yesterday i would

say that causes a lot of suspicion

but you know what i’m not going to

overthink it okay

anyway as i said that was our producer

cameron uh did you

just stop saying that okay so okay uh

but later

cameron says that we can expect a

special guest

that’s right dr london yeah so look

forward to that um but before we move on

i would like to address a bit of

listener feedback i found this note

scrawled onto my chest and sharpie when

i woke up this morning

face down on the pavement outside of

my crush’s apartment so this is the same

the same one that i was

talking about with the whole video date

situation

um anyway uh the note reads quote

that’s why you should eat at the cracker

barrel instead of that restaurant

or the olive garden good food not spicy

and the waitresses are modest girls who

don’t steal husbands

end quote uh so first of all thank you

so much this listener for reaching out

uh to answer the question i i did not

realize that the olive garden was known

as a place

where spouses are stole one cameron

have you have you experienced this there

oh yeah like people think that olive

garden offers free breadsticks but those

are just dudes hitting on you

the breadsticks like it’s the olive yeah

it’s like the olive garden

equivalent of them buying you a drink

it’s like this guy coming by and saying

like

hey like i got you these breadsticks i

was thinking maybe we could like talk a

little bit

and then everyone just sort of rudely is

like oh thank you and start scarfing

them down

but that’s the intention of that okay

well it’s it sounds like this person is

trying to adjust

address your spiciness issue yeah for

the listeners y’all don’t know but

one of the benefits of getting the uh

our patreon we have a patreon

patreon.com

yes is that we release completely

unedited versions of our episodes

but i’m just gonna tell you right now

the thing that’s always edited out

is every few seconds dr london takes a

bite of something that he brought with

him for a snack

and it’s too spicy is that is that bad

and dylan has to edit this out every

week and it honestly is a gigantic waste

of time

well okay so hold on you hadn’t brought

this up before i

to me personally at least so this is a

problem

yes i i don’t think it’s a problem i

don’t really understand you’ll bring in

like a ham

sandwich and as far as i can tell it’s

two pieces of bread and a piece of ham

yeah a ham sandwich you’re describing

you’ll be doing yeah you’ll be doing

your

lesson for the day and then you go hold

on a sec

oh oh my god oh my god

and then i guess it would be okay if you

only had to do that once but you are

going to finish that sandwich

and you’re going to react like that with

every single bite

and then dylan has to painstakingly go

through and edit every single

second but all that to say you’re

creating content for the patreon and if

you sign up for the patreon today you

will get all of the episodes

with dr london’s spiciness as part of it

yeah completely unedited fully

improvised me eating food

yep and so i imagine that’s what the

listener is talking about by

recommending cracker barrel right

yeah or yeah as opposed to olive garden

which is where your spots are stolen

and i do appreciate that from the

listener i’m just going to tell you

right now

almost every single item at the cracker

barrel is going to be too spicy for dr

london yeah it’s frustrating

but i gave him water they gave him water

with lemon one time

and he said the lemon was burning a hole

through his tongue

did you see my tongue afterwards no you

wouldn’t show it to us you just said you

got to believe me

yeah okay uh anyway to this listener

thank you for listening now for today’s

medical topic

diverticulosis diverticulosis is an out

pouching in the wall of the colon

and the colon is of course another term

for the large intestine

so diverticulosis is caused by increased

intraluminal pressure

so essentially the inner layer of the

colon bulges out

through a focal area of weakness in the

colon wall

usually an area of blood vessel

penetration risk factors for

diverticulosis include

low fiber diets particularly the

constipation that can result from such a

diet

and that can cause the interluminal

pressures to increase positive family

history is also a risk factor but really

the prevalence is constipation can come

about for like any reason

it’s not purely dietary i think you

should

let people know that

constipation yeah well it can happen for

a number of reasons but it

you know after a certain you know after

say three days it’s it becomes a worry

it’s not

uh yeah it’s yeah but i’m just saying

like you’re telling all these people

like hey if you’re constipated you

probably got this disease and you need

to be like really worried about it and

you need to go to the hospital

but like they could be plugged up

because it’s literally plugged up that’s

an example

okay well that’s you’ve

i guess i should just ask are you are

you dealing with this right now

are you plugged up have i put a plug up

my butt as well as you’re asking that’s

so inappropriate for this

show that’s we don’t even ever even talk

about this these kind of things on this

show yeah and

well because usually we don’t you know

we don’t bring them up but

you’d so you’re asking if i’m

constipated because i put a little plug

so far up my butt that it’s an

obstructing

object that is the most disgusting

question we’ve ever dylan’s gonna have

to cut all of this out in between you

saying ah it’s spicy every few seconds

and whenever you say a plug do you

do you mean a wine cork because i’ve

i’ve seen these around lately

these apparently used but

they look they smell terrible these wine

corks just around

i don’t know i guess the problem i’m

having with your question

is that like it’s it’s like

the cork is just like a little part of

the bottle right

right but we’re kind of talking about

the whole the

whole ball i thought you’re gonna say

the whole colon

and i’m not doing this okay you want i

guess that was the real question

i’m constipated because of my diet yeah

you’re just saying for all the people

not you but like your friend that goes

to another school

in canada that they deal with this

no i’m saying like i i do research on

our listeners because we’re actually

plugged into our community

and yes when i see that some of them

have shoved a wine bottle up their butt

so far that they can no longer poop i’m

gonna talk about it on this okay

i guess i guess that’s that’s on me

that’s on me for not

recognizing the very real issue so

so that is one i i just think i just

think we have all of this medical

very specific medical information on

every single one of our listeners

like maybe we should actually try to

target it

to them and not just say oh the only

reason you can be constipated is if you

ate all this food meanwhile we know

listeners

that johnson that yeah that that

francine johnson

that eats has an amazing diet

but you know that he hasn’t pooped in

the last week i’m sorry i’m getting

really heated about this you can just do

your

thing you should this piss me off did

you dylan we’ll probably have to edit

that out

i just just don’t say that the only way

that people can get constipated is their

diet

and if you’re constipated for any other

reason you’re a loser that is what you

said and it

sucks and like just maybe don’t say

their full name

on the podcast that’s the problem i have

with with that

you all this is getting edited out and

okay um so prevalence also

that’s another thing for our listeners

um in the past you might have noticed

that like we cut

all the medical lessons out because no

one hears it anyway

but if you get our patreon the episodes

will include the

almost as opposed to just a big long

beep

that most of the episodes have during

this section it’s the patreon is

exclusively

medicine at that point like i’m just i

actually

uh cameron doesn’t really say anything

i’m just reading out of a textbook

for that uh yeah and sometimes i’m

talking to a patient

live it’s it’s it’s very exciting in any

case the

prevalence of diverticulosis increases

with age

um and the most common location is the

sigmoid colon

uh clinically patients are usually

asymptomatic and the diverticula is

discovered incidentally on barium

enema or colonoscopy done for another

reason however patients may

also present with vague left lower

quadrant abdominal

discomfort bloating possibly even

constipation or diarrhea as we

as we covered but only about

10 to 20 percent develop symptoms uh

complications of diverticulosis include

painless rectal bleeding and

diverticulitis

barium enema is a test of choice to

diagnose and the treatment is high fiber

foods

such as bran to increase stool bulk

another option is psyllium if the

patient cannot tolerate bran

in addition to this drinking plenty of

water is important so

two liters of water every day is a

really good amount to aim for

for for anyone listening and that’s

that’s really applicable to just

your you know whether you are um dealing

with

colon issues or not two liters of water

a day is a good idea

unless your doctor is telling you

otherwise

and yeah and the the wine bottle is

going to catch a lot of that water

so you can sort of recycle it for the

next day

yeah i so you’re assuming you’re

assuming a lot of diarrhea

for these people right in that case

yeah i mean i would think so yeah which

if it has to there’s liquid in anything

that’s going to come out of your colon

are you just talking to the one listener

at this point the one who has the wine

bottle

yes he’s in so much pain and we haven’t

addressed it at all

yeah i just you keep saying well if we

maybe we can handle it if he comes on as

a guest

on the podcast i don’t think that should

be a requirement to get this man medical

attention

okay well and if i could revise my

statement because i feel like you were

trying to pitch it as a guest

uh no he should go to the er you should

go to the emergency room because

uh we don’t want to treat patients on

the podcast that’s that’s for the

patreon that’s that’s what the patreon

is for

you know yeah okay so if you’re

listening to this frauns and johnson

um please go to the er um this episode

will come out you know we’re recording

this in the past

and so it’ll come out in the future so i

don’t know and

honestly i don’t know when you listen to

this podcast you might like bank a few

episodes and listen to them all in a row

like a month later

um but just when you get around to

hearing

what are you getting at okay yeah we

record it ahead of time and it is

released at some

and then you can hear it france and

johnson you can hear it at any time

i’m saying that by the time he actually

hears this he’s there’s a good chance

he’s dead

okay well in which case we’ve lost

another listener and that’s been

happening

and whenever you say you lose someone

in the world of podcast usually you

think it’s it’s someone stopped

downloading not

that you lost yeah they lost their lives

not that we lost like a third of our

listenership in a mudslide

yeah and mudslide being a term for a few

things

okay let’s move on from there then

[Music]

all right uh cameron you said that we

have a guest today is that right

uh that’s right dr london we actually

have

two guests today but one of the guests

unfortunately did pass away in the

mudslide so we we’re back to one guest

but uh yeah we’ve got a guest okay

all right well hello my name is dr

lemonsmith.com i’m the star producer

cameron

and what was your hi i’m dr arnold

schmeckner hi hello great dr arnold

schmeckner nice to meet you

it’s a it’s an absolute pleasure to be

here good to have another physician what

a

art history phd but i

i still use the title in everyday

discourse

yeah i’m sorry i’m sorry to uh of course

you deserve the title you you did the

work you earned your

your title honored but still

yeah and you are wearing scrubs

in the studio with us today you know you

have to inhabit

if you want they say dress dress for

success dress for

the job you want and i

want people to know

that i am a professional

fitness inventor and therefore

scrubs because when you think

professional fitness inventor

you think scrubs that’s that’s at least

i know i do think that

that’s true and it’s not like you have

to show id or anything to get scrubs

that’s

that is a trick that people don’t know

anyone can get scrubs

you can just go to a store and get that

they there are stores specifically for

scrubs i

personally prefer scrub it up dubs down

on 14th street

but options abound yeah i used to go i

used to frequent the scrub zone

until it got i mean let’s let’s call

what it is it got scrubbed out of

existence by that tornado

yeah uh and i i used to go to

scrubaholics but of course the um

the the addiction got to be

i guess a little like uh anyway you had

to go to scrubaholics anonymous yeah

i uh but you know i did my 12 steps and

um

got my chip and you know what it’s been

three years and i feel i feel strong

about it

and that’s kind of i mean you are a

doctor so one

you would need scrubs though wouldn’t

you

like shouldn’t you have them available

you can’t just not buy them though i’m

slightly confused

it’s fine it’s fine it you are

you’re you’re hitting on a good point

like i think for a person with a normal

non-addictive personality

they can look at a pair of scrubs and

say i only need one of these

um but dr london unfortunately there’s a

part of his brain that doesn’t work

like a normal human he sees a pair of

scrubs and then says

i need a hundred thousand of these i

mean i see the rack behind him right now

in the studio

i i i’m guessing that’s just a mechanism

for sound proofing but

the the sheer array of colors and styles

i mean the the various breeds of kitten

alone represented on those scrubs

is i’m gonna actually say fairly

impressive and this is coming from a

medic-ish professional yeah

and it’s you know i it’s one of those

things

as you said it can work as a sound

buffering thing and

so it turned into that turned into an

excuse it was

you know oh well it’s useful for other

things my

addiction can help me in other areas of

life

uh i need this addiction to survive

in my professional life in my private

life

and you know at a certain point it

became too much

and uh i’m you know scrub-a-holics does

uh they still contact me

but i don’t um that’s why you have the

group

yeah that’s why i mean you’re never

that’s where you go you’re never not on

their mailing list at that point

yeah yeah and i do want to say like i i

think it’s interesting you know how

on like a cruise or something they’ll

list aaa meetings as sort of like a

friend of bill or something like that

like they have different sort of key

names for all these different groups

for y’all it’s just friend of scrubby

scrub scrub

which a that’s not a person’s name b i

feel like that makes it extremely

clear what y’all are addicted to that

sort of gives away the entire like

privacy aspect of it no they think that

we’re cleaning we’re addicted to

cleaning

and that’s um scrubby scrub scrub is

uh like i’ll go in there with a mop

bucket

and you know scrub brush and i’ll be

like oh just coming in because i’m

addicted to cleaning

and uh you would rather be known for

being addicted to

let’s say like huffing cleaning products

than purchasing a lot of scrubs

this is i don’t think he i’m sorry i’m

not just not to speak for you doctor

londonsmith.com but i i feel like he’s

not saying

you would be presenting this is as if

you were going to a meeting of

alcohol-based cleansers anonymous

where you are addicted to the process

of cleaning preferably with

alcohol-based cleansers

which ultimately are going to be highly

anti-bacterial

yeah and so it’s you know cameron you

haven’t been through it and i think that

it shows

and it’s not um you know maybe it’s not

your place maybe i need to learn yeah

like a little empathy for sure so

you are wearing you are wearing three

layers of scrubs right now

um but we don’t have to talk about it

let’s get back to our guest let’s get

back to our guest

i mean dr dr schmidt schmeckner you

said you’re part of the uh medical-ish

community

yes i i produce

innovative fitness equipment for

localized obesity okay

and um yeah that’s great you know the

obesity epidemic is really

uh still a problem in the united states

and

i’m i’m glad to have someone you could

say it’s growing and

growing yeah

growing every day and it’s uh you know

this is where your equipment comes in

yes i i make several product lines

specialized to target specific parts of

the body that are experiencing obesity

for example i i brought a few into the

studio for you today to try because you

know

we all have needs of parts of ourselves

that we’d like to change dramatically

and desperately and so uh dr london i i

brought this for you to try it’s the

jostle dumbbell

okay so it’s a brand new brand new

invention on the market the jostle

dumbbell

is it’s basically a cylinder that you

hold in your hand

and you’re going to jostle it back and

forth and there’s a counterbalancing

mechanism inside of it

that helps it to jostle along with you

so that it

targets the obesity in your wrists

and radial area okay wow and i’m using

it now and i

you know so so i own a shake weight at

home and i can’t help but

like this is different this is this is

painted red it’s just all red

um no it’s a completely different

product

i i you said a sh

what now a chaquat i’m sorry i think it

might be something in part of his little

meetings or something i don’t know he’s

speaking gibberish to me too

yeah i don’t think i understand this is

the jostle dumbbell

created by schmeckner technologies ltd

okay and i i i see no resemblance

and and i do want to say like fat wrist

is something that i think maybe we as a

society have largely ignored

um the i mean think of the people who

have gotten stuck

with a bracelet around their wrist or

people who tried to stick their wrists

in like a hole or something and they

couldn’t pull it out again

you know i mean i haven’t seen these

scenarios happen but i

imagine if they did it would be scary

it could be absolutely terrifying to be

stuck

in say your closet in the summertime

and realize that you’re going to have to

wear

short sleeved clothing and there’s

nothing you can do you’ll look

absolutely silly

if you wear long sleeves with cuffs

which would hide

obese wrists and that

moment is terrifying for many many folks

so that’s why i created the jostle

dumbbell

and i i i just i just don’t want people

to have to suffer

with inferior products not that there

have been any other ones created

but right i want them to have high

quality schmeckner technologies at hand

and as a person who i mean i i would say

i personally don’t

struggle with obese wrists but i do

often get my hand caught in those little

raccoon traps from

where the red frame grows where they

would like

have the raccoons grab something shiny

and then they would trap the

raccoons for their skins i’m constantly

getting trapped in those

traps and i think if my wrists were just

a little skinnier then i could finally

get the thing out of the box

and it’s because it’s in there and i

want it like i want it so bad

as someone who has to watch this every

day and to see cameron

struggle uh mo most of the time

with and it won’t even like

you know i’m glad you flatter yourself

by saying it’s shiny because that’s

that’s a step

uh you know that’s your self-confidence

talking but sometimes it

it’s just an empty hole it looks like

no there’s got to be something in there

otherwise someone wouldn’t have put it

there

but you’re you know some some wouldn’t

have put

what there’s nothing there those traps

are intended to catch raccoons to catch

raccoons you’ve got to put something

interesting in there i want to see what

it is

i think if my wrists were a little

skinnier i could finally get that treat

or that shiny thing or whatever is in

there and i want one of these devices of

what i’m trying

to say you call it the jostle tassel

what was it

the the jostle dumbbell and it’s a it’s

available in

uh multiple colors uh with the exception

of

white blue steel blue

what did they say the other one uh and

black we have them in all other colors

other than those so do i get to choose

my color or is this something like you

you guys choose the color for me oh i

could i mean

if they if they sell it at lowe’s i can

get you just about any color you want

if they sell the color at lowe’s

oh yeah absolutely yeah it’s a it’s a

customization

custom manufacturing line that we offer

wow so the paint is coming off pretty

easily on this

and is that is that part of it because

it’s like i’m seeing

it’s like well i’m making out the

letters sh on it

at least uh from from under

a layer of paint is that that is that is

instructional verbage for folks who are

getting to a point where

you know at a certain point all exercise

devices lose efficacy over time

you’re going to reach a position of

diminishing returns

and so at a certain point the device

will let you know that you need to

shunt it around more forcefully shunt it

back and forth in a more forceful manner

that’s when the lettering comes in and

dr london you’re

you’re complaining about the paint still

being wet on

the uh the the jostle dumbbell like as

if he had just done this but i think

that kind of

shows the immediacy of small business as

opposed to supporting these

you know big corporations that who knows

where you’re getting it

you know that this was just made because

it’s sopping wet with paint

that’s fair that is the schmeckner

difference

and so dr schmeckner what about um what

are you pricing this at

you know how much how much does this

cost me

and how many payments the schmeckner

jostle dumbbell

is a tremendous deal let me let me start

by saying

that you’re going to struggle to find

a better deal on a localized radial

obesity device

than the schmeckner dumbbell so would it

be worth

paying four easy payments of 49.99

would it be worth that are you as you

think

i’m simply saying would it be worth four

easy four to five easy payments of 49.95

yes if it truly does what you’re

telling me it does that it’s gonna make

my wrist so skinny that i’m no longer

getting trapped in where the redfern

grows style traps

then i mean i i would say that’s worth

five easy payments of 49.99

the sheer savings that you’re going to

experience on wrist splints alone

really make it up you have to not just

think of the diminished obesity you have

to think of the

the the the after effects the the money

that you’ll save through

unnecessary bone pinning and

and ligament reconstruction because

those traps

if i if i’m picturing it correctly in my

head it’s the ones with like

the great that kind of snaps down and

then it digs into the flesh because

but not enough to tear it because

obviously then you couldn’t catch the

raccoon

yeah probably i so i feel like he is

he’s once again he’s kind of maybe

characterizing it in a certain way

some sometimes it’s an animal trap

sometimes it is just

a hole in the ground like i’ve seen him

grab

what i’m pretty sure was just the root

of a tree reach into the ground and grab

a root of a tree

yeah but i’m gonna get it out i want to

see what’s in there

yeah and so this is so whenever we you

know we say like oh it’s

it’s intentional it’s cameron reaches

into places and

you know on the splint issue um oh yeah

i am a reacher for sure

i don’t think anyone who listens to this

podcast is gonna be confused like if

there’s something

that can be reached i’m reaching for it

yeah well and the splints also

you know when i go through my day you

can’t see this because it’s a podcast

but i mean dr london could you describe

what i’m doing most of the time

cameron’s reaching around a lot with his

arms he’s extending and retracting each

hand

you know in motion but for this also

that so the splints we’ve tried um we’ve

tried putting

blockers on the arms but he he’ll just

bite at him until

they come off so it’s not really you

know we put a cone on his head and that

didn’t work because he

um used it well my big my biggest fear

is that my desire is going to overcome

me and i’m going to pull a 127 hour

situation

and choose that the better option rather

than letting go of this

root or shiny thing or maybe a little

treat

uh the better option might be just you

know getting rid of the arm entirely

yeah um but

in in that scenario do you envision

yourself getting rid of the entire arm

or just the wrist component that’s

attached

into the hole because it sounds like

what you’re saying is

let’s go ahead and take the whole arm

off well yeah because i want to be

honest to the source material

and you know in the source material

james franco didn’t just cut off his

wrist

and since i’m doing this this me cut it

like

ampu amputating myself as sort of an

homage

um i you know i want to stick to the

source material and i would probably go

for the whole arm

okay well and he’s once again so cameron

you’re being very

kind of eloquent and noble about it but

you also just say

like that your bicep is against you

because he’s working for the other guy

like you you see them as a team working

against you

yeah and i gotta get rid of them yeah so

[ __ ] um

yeah so it’s i wonder though if if it

might make more sense to

get them under control i mean clearly if

the issue is

you don’t trust certain muscle

groups of your upper thorax area i i’m

not sure about the medical terms

are we don’t we don’t cover that in art

history but

if if that’s the concern it sounds like

you could use

other devices that would help you

really get these suckers reined in yes

i want to be able to like truly feel

like i own and

in control with my muscle groups as

opposed to right now where i’m sort of a

slave

to how frequently they’re reaching for

things

well if you turn around behind actively

reaching

yeah if you if you turn around behind

you in the producer’s booth we’ve set up

what i what i am you know prototyping

right now we’re calling the aeroshooter

twist

it’s the arrow twist so you can you can

see that it kind of has

this curved arcing shape

with uh what i’m calling these

handles that you will pull towards

yourself

causing the curved arc to twist

and as you you’re calling them handles

as are other people calling them

different things because they’re just

they look like handles

i again i’m i am the inventor i am the

discoverer and founder of schmeckner

technologies

but i’m gonna leave the the marketing to

the marketing folks you know

i i’m all i’m the big idea guy you’re

not committing to the word handles so

you’re just trying to say

these little thingies you grab onto that

are look like a handle

i personally call it a handle

i mean i i would trust as a person who

frequently reaches out to grab things to

take hold of

if you’re saying handle i would

respect that i would personally respect

that so

what does the aeroshooter twist do what

what part of my body is it localized

towards first of all

so so the error the arrow error or

sorry i’m i’m experiencing some

localized obesity in my necular region

uh and so sometimes those words twist a

little bit uh the arrow

shooter twist is designed to work

most of your upper body area so if you

want to

uh in fact if you want to give it a try

i don’t know if your microphone will

reach but

uh if you if you want to give it a try

if you reach up

and grab the handles i’m sure this is

very exciting for you

if you reach up and grab the handles and

and pull down

okay now you’re working kind of some of

the armish

areas and then if you turn around

behind it i it’s going to be interesting

to see how you contort to get into the

mic

oh okay you’re fl you’re flexible i mean

twistable

sorry i just i don’t like the word flex

i don’t do that word

um then then you simply again pull down

and now you’re working your testicular

area and your back so this

this reminds me it’s another product

i’m sorry cameron well yeah it probably

reminds you

of the uh of the product he just showed

us right because it’s coming from the

same company so even though they’re very

different they come they have the sort

of same sort of vibe and energy

well so they come from the same mindset

it’s colored the same and

oh yeah it’s dripping in paint again

we’ve already established that just

shows

it’s basically like how farm to market

it is

but you know not really a farm maybe

like a fitness farm to market

the point is is that it’s immediate it

was just created specifically for you

and that shows how much love and care

goes goes into these products

is that where you’re talking about dr

london you’re offended by that

in the home version of these all of that

marketing i call it marketing you know

the paint and the

shaving of of particular parts of it and

scraping with with chisels

that’s marketing to me and all of that

is

is you know certainly already good to go

by the time it gets to me

and then processed and then to you

so and i mean dr leonard what what

product were you even saying that this

was similar to

like like this is obviously a brand new

invention but i mean

you know the description of the the

curve too like i was thinking about

bowflex or something you know like

um and how he was avoiding the word flex

and bow i’m pretty sure bowflexes don’t

come in that pink color

though i mean this has to be an eggshell

white right

that’s that sounds it’s ecru but that

sounds like a

made-up name to me bowflex what would

you even who would even

think to name a product that that to me

is just silly

it it just sounded like while you were

describing it you were

you were running into the words bow

and flex and you were very you were

stopping yourself

from saying them and then you kept you

know saying uh

not a bow you’d you’d say you know

whatever shape and then for

flex you once again wouldn’t say the

word flex but you would stop just

beforehand as if you

had to find another word and so that i

don’t remember any of this happening i

think you’re just making stuff up to i

don’t know accuse our guest or something

this is so rude dr london yeah

i’m sorry i’m sorry and by the way the

bowflex

specifically targets very specific areas

whereas

our guest has said that this works the

upper

area-ish like around here

so it’s much more broad and vague than

the both

and you can’t you i i can very clearly

see that

producer cameron who has tremendous

anatomical knowledge is generally

gesticulating

at the proper points of his body where

the aeroshooter twist happens to target

so i know that he’s being accurate in

this moment

i’m a little on the surprise side that

i can’t really get good solid medical

definitions out of our

doctor but he he’s more of a dr pepper

style

doctor yeah so and sorry just one little

point so arrow shooter you said is that

that’s so that sounds a lot like you

know

a longer kind of worse term like the bow

of a ship

i guess in certain if it’s sort of

shaped like the battle of the ship

in in a certain regard um

it’s okay no you know what and i feel

like if you travel a lot by boat this is

portable enough to take it with you

oh as long as you have about a room size

that could fit it and two to three

porters

as long as you have an entire room

dedicated to it yeah

then it’s great for travel and of course

we can match it to any color that you’d

like

other than solid black and stainless

steel yeah exactly

and dr london you know you brought up

how the obesity

epidemic in the in the u.s but there’s

an epidemic that people don’t talk about

a lot and it’s fps

and dr london i know you’re a gamer i’m

not talking about first person shooters

i’m talking about fatty pec syndrome and

it’s when you’re a dude and you got like

really fatty like pecs and that is an

epidemic that’s

ravaging our community yes the sheer

number of

shirts that get discarded every year

from nordstrom’s and macy’s

nationwide because men simply cannot fit

into them

i was i’m sorry i don’t

i didn’t want to get emotional about

this topic but i

personally suffered from fps for many

years

until i invented the aeroshooter twist

and it changed my life i when i

invented it having

been a person that stayed up very late

watching infomercials snacking for many

years

and watching infomercials late at night

contributes to obesity in ways that you

i’m okay i’m just so passionate about

about these conditions yeah and so maybe

dr

london you can be a little more

sensitive about you know not

accusing our guest of you know dipping a

bowflex in a bunch of paint which he

has already said he’s never even heard

of that no and i i i’ve never heard of

that too i have signed affidavits

indicating that i have never heard of

that product

that had to be submitted okay do you

want to

do you want to go ahead and move on do

you have another product or is that

oh no no no for for you know we’re we’re

here after valentine’s day and

and you know maybe your maybe your

tender swipes didn’t go the way you were

looking

maybe you woke up with markers scrawled

on you outside the home of a woman you

don’t know

and you think to yourself i wonder if

it’s my

thighs i wonder if it’s my thigher

region

that that turned this person off because

as we all know the thigh shot

is one of the most important shots in

your tinder deck

you you have to have a good thigh shot

or

you just immediate left swipes immediate

left swipes from the majority of the

dating the ineligible danny population

well i mean

like every every woman’s profile

says pam looking for my gym

fluent in sarcasm no thigh shot

no swipe right must must be under

thigh 11 is is also very very common and

it’s kind of witty

you know because they’re looking for

tall thigh guys you know

yeah that’s all thigh guys okay so so

what do we what do you have to

to like solve this issue so if you’ll if

you’ll take a look

under the booths i got i got here a

little early i thought i’d be kind of

cutesy if you’ll take a look under the

booth right where your filer

area would be you’ll see the leg owner

the leg owner is a roughly wishbone

shaped squeezing device that you place

between your legs

and then you just give this a shot here

do you feel that

do you feel that right in your inner

thighler area yeah

and i feel it right i mean this is gonna

this is a game changer for my kegels

that absolutely you are going to

experience

the most amazing and

rock hard thighs that you have ever had

after using this product yes

uh-huh because that’s you know that’s

the

kegels are sort of they’re kind of

deep they’re sort of a different region

normally then

but but so so this product oh i work out

i work out my kegels all around

now do you whole body producer camera do

you whole body kegel exercises do you

prefer like a new york style kegel where

it has the open hole or do you

prefer like a chicago style chicago yup

chicago

we even actually got a celebrity

endorsement for this because you know

you have to have celebrities popular

female celebrities to to demonstrate

these products on air and show them

so we got pam dauber

from mork and orc i don’t know if you

remember morgan orc from the 1980s

but having a very popular

1980s only select like someone who

wasn’t actually famous after the 80s

ended um

yeah they sort of existed in a vacuum of

cocaine

and um you know like the goonies i don’t

know

i never the 80s yeah exactly our

research has shown

that most people who want to purchase

a product like the leg owner will

have had done so having seen

a female 1980s television star advertise

it to them

at least in our experience so that’s why

we have tv’s

pam dauber from morgan orc

yeah a referendum right

it’s not pam dauber from mork from

orc it’s pam dauber from

morgan orc work from orc mork and orc

now it’s now it’s just gone morgan mindy

morgan mindy

it’s morgan mindy but mork was from

oregon that’s true which is definitely

an important detail in the advertising

of your product

i’m relatively certain i just violated

her contract terms actually i’m going to

have to take a look at that

what’s my lawyers

i hate to keep pointing this out but so

once again the product is covered in

paint

and you called it the leg ripping

soaking

my pants are ruined this is incredible

it looks like like

this looks like a thigh master which is

a very what’s that’s a piece of like a

chicken thigh yeah that’s a piece of

chicken

yeah you think this is a bucket of kfc

is that what you’re saying dr london

i thought this was an exercise tool

we’re also

not using the the term master in this

context

you know uh doctor i’m just saying i

thought

like i like you know there’s been a big

push in the tech community lately to

sort of get away from using master and

slave terminology

because you know it seems kind of

outdated but you’re saying that it’s

good and that you want more things to

have the word master in it

which i don’t agree with you’re trying

to have me brand my product like that

like you just created this this name

called thigh master this

you just pop this out of thin air and

you want me to use it on my product yeah

okay yeah

we can uh yeah we don’t need to dwell on

that anymore

i guess do you wanna do you have any

other

products cause this is just we’re

getting a lot of paint everywhere right

now

and i don’t know how yeah i mean the

broom is soaked but that’s

that’s what you get when you’re getting

fresh exercise equipment dr

london it’s a new you

it’s a new body it’s a new coat of paint

it’s

probably new sound recording equipment

depending on

the ip rating of the devices in front of

you it’s all about

new this year well it’s like it’s like

organic peanut butter versus you know

peter pan or one of the mainstream

companies

organic peanut butter is there going to

be a bunch of liquid at the top that you

have to manually

mix in yourself and it’s really

disgusting and you’re gonna make a mess

yeah is it gonna taste better

no but it’s organic

and that’s what makes it better you get

it is producer cameron going to get his

hands stuck

inside the jar as he reaches into it

because it is a small round opening and

you know there’s a toy in the middle of

that

that’s notoriously toys in the peanut

butter

no turkey i did bring it i did bring in

one

last product to show you today that i

think you guys are really really going

to like

you know sometimes you just got to take

it back to basics you got to make it

nice and simple because

exercise can be very complex for folks

that’s people get down at the gym

because of all these devices that seem

super complex and unpainted and you’ve

it’s overwhelming

keep it simple it’s overwhelming so i’ve

created what i call

the teapot balls so this you’ll see this

the they’re actually sitting on either

side of your door so you’re going to

have to kind of press

real hard because they’re very very

heavy so if you just yeah

perfect and once again it’s so much pain

it’s like it’s just

pouring off of it that you’re you’re

going to love this here’s the motion

that i want you to make okay

ready we’re gonna i’m gonna give you a

demonstration you’re gonna hold it by

its handle like a teapot

and you’re gonna swing it back and forth

just a big wide arc

sloshing everywhere so so these

these are in the shape and like just

these are such

common equipment these are in the shape

of kettlebells

uh like these are very and these

maybe even in like maybe in england

right where they’re you know putting the

kettle on and stuff like that but that’s

we don’t live there

dr london so i’m exclusively marketing

to the american audience at this point

american samoa to be precise but i’m i’m

exclusively marketing in this

in this jurisdiction yeah it’s just and

so yeah we’re gonna we’re gonna just

call it

a teacup it’s like calling something you

know it’s like

coming up with a new name for a dumbbell

this is a kettlebell like it’s it’s very

it’s a generation the jostle dumbbell

i’ve already that’s

already been named it’s already the the

registration paperwork has already been

filed

and refiled after the rejection and

refiled again

after the first appeal and i think we’re

gonna win it on the second appeal

if if the supreme court of american

samoa really goes my way

and that’s a totally different product

this is the teapot ball

and the teapot ball comes in a variety

of sizes uh

a variety of colors i mean again you can

have kind of whatever color you want

that’s the the schmeckner method

and uh you can really use this to work

out just about any

group that you want to my understanding

like for example

like stick your foot in it like go

go ahead dr london stick kind of stick

your foot in it

and yeah and then like kind of just

with with no regard for your ankle bones

just kind of

thrust your foot forward to really get

that

legular muscle work going oh

okay can we because there’s

look i’m at this point you’re just gonna

do one

isn’t there usually you’re not you have

to have sets

yeah you’re not going to see results

with just one

uh

you also have at least two ankles so you

should be able to do

at least two make me do it okay

i mean dr london do you want to take

care of your fatty ankles

oh no

dr london i i cannot guarantee this

but i think there might be a reason why

your date

sort of stood you up yesterday and i

think it might be

you know she’s not looking uh uh

above the neck she’s looking below the

shin

talking about your your obese ankles dr

london

we’re trying to help you yeah and i you

know localized angular

obesity is also an epidemic dr london

a thing that i would i would imagine if

you subscribe to the to the american

samoa journal of medical association

you would already know absolutely

you know like as much as i appreciate

this and i feel like we’ve really

gone on a journey of learning about your

company

which markets to american samoa uh

no no no no no no we we don’t use the

word company because that

that has like uh connotations of

like tax forms and incorporation

and things wall street just yeah

you don’t want that you don’t want to be

the big banks associated with your

exercise

no no no we prefer the term

ltd schmeckner technologies ltd

i i at some point we’ll figure out what

the ltd stands for i’m kind of going

with like

limited termed exercise

terms but

marketing market yeah so yeah and that’s

you know we’ve what dr london what we

i’m sorry well we’ve learned a lot about

this but what i’m thinking is

and i’m sorry to you know dr schmeckner

for making you

involved in this but we have we have

chores to do

and i just like

i just feel like we do have chores to do

i did before we

like rush into this wait you have

you can’t hire someone to do the

no it’s not my place it’s not my place

my doctor my people

would never have me do of course chores

dr london’s a bit of a scroogey style

my miser well micromanager is another

way to put it

he’ll take just the change in his pocket

and then he’ll throw it on the counter

and then he gets one of those jewel

jeweler loops to like investigate to

make sure that like each penny

is worth one cent and all these things i

bite it and try to bend it

yeah which works like a subatomic

particle analyzer

like the bob do you put it in like a

bomb calorimeter to

explode it and make sure that it has the

number of calories that a nickel has in

it

that was another idea that i kind of had

before really focused on localized

obesity technology

before you found your calling ultimately

but dr lynette real quick before we do

the chores i wanted to ask

um i have another area that i think

maybe i could lose some weight in

and it’s the twin that i absorbed in

utero

you can see the only thing that sort of

physically sticks out is the torso area

and i can show you it’s right on my back

here and so you can see that yeah my

back sort of

doubles as a baby torso and it’s so

chubby

ugh but the but the

but the onesie’s really cute i have to

say you went the extra mile i mean i

have to do that just to make it look

socially acceptable

and it is socially acceptable you’d be

surprised how

welcomed cameron’s back is at parties

most people you put in like a baby bjorn

thing but then you kind of switch that

around

almost like you know like an inuit kind

of situation and yeah

a lot of people think i’m wearing those

that like zach galifianakis

shirt from the hangover that has the

baby on it but i’m just wearing it

backwards

because a lot of people keep saying do

your shirts backwards i don’t have the

heart to tell them

no that’s just my twin sort of jutting

out

because it’s the vast majority of an

underdeveloped twin yeah and i would say

lately

in at least from and again i’m not a

medical person but it looks to be at

least 75

to 77.3 percent of an undeveloped

oh yeah it can vote like it’s enough of

a person where it technically can vote

well and you know like i said with at

the parties it used to be

that people would you know mistake your

shirt or something

now usually they’re confused if you if

they see your face

they see your twin and they get pumped

twin will do shots with them and

everything yeah but then they see me and

they’re kind of disappointed

well like usually i feel like it’s

almost like it’s the total recall

phenomenon where

it’s just what we’re really more

concerned about is the twin on the back

than on the the the the the [ __ ]

the star trek like shell that is

encompassing you you know exactly i will

say

we do make the jostle dumbbell

in a miniaturized

prototype that didn’t come from a lab we

don’t have access to

form that you could give to the twin

have you ever considered just simply

developing the twin out

like get it bigger such that a

separation

you mean oh you mean

like if i can physically make it bigger

then maybe it can sort of just

be its own person with its own autonomy

like at a certain point it could just

you know

thanks i appreciate it the ride’s been

fun

i’m just gonna could you could you kind

of get over to the counter and so i can

get a leg up

great there i’ve stepped off yeah and

now i’m my own thing

and i have a date with a woman that i

met on fish freaking now you gotta get

your own apartment and you gotta get a

job

sorry kid figure it out i would love

to buy your own bo aeroshooter twist

for the upper modular area okay well

actually now that you mentioned that if

that’s gonna be the end result then i

think i would just rather keep it yeah

mostly for hov lanes which is really

helpful

um and also you can register as head of

household on your taxes

which really helps on the itemized

deductions oh yeah

well i was i i definitely when you go to

part

now you are not usually the one invited

to parties now it’s usually your twin

yeah and you can kind of but my name is

on the invite because it is cameron’s

twin like that’s

usually how it’s written now yeah so i

feel like it counts that my name is on

the invite i mean not all cameras

because sometimes they they make use

it’s a plus one because it’s

literally additive it’s literally

additive

yeah it’s the it’s only the plus one but

plus one only but you should i mean you

should see that their faces like they

are not okay with cameron being there

usually and

i’ve seen cameron haven’t because

cameron started to bring a curtain with

him to parties because

people don’t want to see him so he’ll

he’ll bring the curtain closed

at just the right spot so the twin can

hang out and then he’ll be behind the

curtain

just well and so now i’m in shape in

such a way where people think the twin

is not only like a cool guy but he’s

also one of the fake monsters from the

village

and people love that oh it’s a he yeah a

huge hit

but anyway we we have a chore but anyway

yeah i got you know what

i appreciate your help but i think i’m

just gonna let my twin bee

and just sort of let him hang out

but we got to get to the chore wheel we

have to i’m sorry dr london i know

so guys if you are just listening for

the first time

we have in the history of this podcast

neglected

a lot of tasks and a lot of cleaning

and a lot of well chores that we really

really needed to get to so to simplify

this process we made a chore wheel

that we spend every single week and

whatever chore is on that list that it

lands on

uh that’s what we have to do even if we

don’t want to do it

yeah you gotta do it and it’s very

strict that rule like we are gonna have

to do it if it lands on

it and we we bring in a guest in part

because

you know dr schmeckner i believe will

have some expertise in this area

uh in the area it could be you know

clean up a

uh some some spilled protein bar or

something or it could be

mow the lawn or whatever so we’ll we’ll

see lots and lots of paint

yeah proper proper disposal of spray

paint such that the ftc

can’t find it i’m happy to help

yeah a lot of ocean dumping of empty

canisters and things like that

all right so i mean uh don’t often is

ocean dumping of empty canisters

on the chore wheel i can’t actually see

the top of the chore wheel because of

the cutout in the ceiling

so that it can fit yeah and that’s

that’s probably well

we have discussed a little before there

are about 60 000 entries on the tour

wheel and it

sort of keeps growing week after week um

so i mean actually dr

schmeckner would you be willing to give

the old boy a spin

i suppose i can do that with my oh

look look at this very slim wrists

very slim wrists you guys and that’s all

from that’s

that’s the jostle dumbbell in action all

right let’s let’s give this sucker a try

oh oh no

do we have to do this i don’t want to do

that i mean i can’t actually read that’s

written in such a small print

with like a big red x over it that says

no

well yeah and dr london has to use his

little

his little jeweler’s loop to uh read it

actually if you wanna

yeah i’ll get to just go ahead and read

it for us and it is okay it’s in my

handwriting so i’m actually i’m gonna

have trouble

reading it out but it’s okay the the

gist that i’m getting is

open your valentine’s gifts from your

loved one

no way it said don’t open it squeeze

shake figure out what’s in gift

does that make sense oh okay yeah it

does because they don’t want us to open

the gift

without our sweethearts here the

sweethearts who had given us the gift

so we need to just sort of figure out

what the gift is by maybe jostling it a

little bit or squeezing on so just real

quick

questions yeah real quick question on

this you know

there seem to be some relatively

unmarked brown boxes at dr

london’s console that have the fish

freaks logo on them

i’m kind of

do we do we think when it says

do not open in airport is that the kind

of thing we want to shake yeah well

why not oh we’re not in an airport i

should say that that’s something we get

we ask

he lost this all the time so this studio

and none of us are pregnant either

because that was the other condition

uh no so this isn’t an airport and we

believe we get that question all the

time but no this is actually a recording

studio

so uh that’s that’s one of these subtle

differences that people don’t really

we get we have designed the airport to

be very similar to the denver airport

that has like

the the studio at the airport see even

the the demon of the horse on the

outskirts oh my gosh sometimes that’s

hard to tell

yeah exactly well you know there’s

enough paint fumes in here that i’m

willing to open just about anything so

let’s do this

yeah okay so i do see an empty paint can

here is it

is this lead paint no it’s

i i i brought it i did not lead it here

paint doesn’t walk dr london

i’ve never let dr london you’re so so

you need to you need to put the jostle

dumbbell down and stop sniffing it

okay okay dr lynn do you do you wanna do

you wanna like get out your gift

yeah yeah i’ll get my so let me get the

uh

all right is this is this from your your

fish freak date or is this from another

sweetheart uh i assume

so okay so i got like this package did

because this is

this is the box that is this the box

that that dr

schmeckner was talking about yeah that

has the fish that you’re not supposed to

open an airport i’d have to assume

it says that it does say don’t open it

oh okay okay okay

just clarifying let’s see

i’m shaking it i’m shaking it well it

sounds very

wet i’m gonna throw that out there yeah

yeah which

difficult to distinguish because i am

like i’m ankle deep now in the paint

from yeah i can’t tell if that’s you

sloshing around in the paint while

you’re jiggling it or

if it’s the box going like a

yeah so and you know i don’t think this

is cheating for me to say

but it does there does appear to be a

leak in the box

so uh and it’s leaking out some

something red like i guess red paint

that’s yeah probably yeah so um

i’m gonna say that it’s

i mean having dealt with these before

it feels kind of like a transplanted

organ

so so because you’re a doctor

i was going to go i was going to go with

beefsteak tomato

does that feel wrong in this situation

yeah i mean you know your sweetheart

more than we do is she more of like a

like a liver type of person or is she

more of a tomato type of person

i i think that she knows that if she

gives me if she like

gave me a regular like drawing of a

valentine shape

then i wouldn’t be as impressed but if

she sent me

a an actual human heart then that sends

the most direct message to me

wow yeah so that’s that that’s mine

um anyway do you uh dr schmecker do you

wanna schmeck nerd do you wanna

try out yours see what see what yours

feels like

yeah it looks like it it’s like a big oh

it’s an

envelope from the late misha schmeckner

oh

yeah we don’t know your your status do

you have a sweetheart it sounds like

you know my wife the late mrs schmeckner

was going to be here today with me but

it’s been what 45 minutes since he still

hasn’t shown up

so let’s

who knows maybe the letter has something

to do with it let’s let’s get oh

the you’re saying she’s late she’s late

to

her her required duties

not that she’s yeah she’s the late mrs

schmeckmann okay okay okay

i get it i get it yeah yeah i’m not i’m

not referring to like her period

you know she’s not pregnant to my

knowledge okay

so again your sweetheart the late mr

schmeckner had gotten you

this this is late for this request yes

uh

okay for the recording she was supposed

to actually meet me outside and i’m not

entirely certain why but

the letter might let’s uh

turn state’s evidence federal trade

commission

uh bowflex corporation this you know i

think this is just

junk mail that she just wants i hate it

i’m pretty sure this is nothing it

doesn’t it

you know it’s it’s f she probably i’m

sure she’s bringing the gift she usually

we exchange gifts in person normally

unsupervised visits and i’m certain that

is what

i’m certain that’s what’s going to be

the case okay yeah that’s that’s great

so at least we you know we ironed out

that one

cameron you’re the only one who has to

do this chore now you’re the only one

left

all right let me i mean it’s a box it

seems like it’s mostly

empty so let me just give that a like a

shake all right so i’ve got this thing

um

i mean it looks like it’s in a box so

here’s a

kind of a question like i don’t really i

didn’t think that i had a sweetheart

this valentine’s oh you talked so much

about oh

no okay that was uh that was last month

because you got the months confused

yeah i got my months turned around um

just because because last month you were

going on on about valentine’s day

and the 14th came and went

and okay yeah sorry sorry i don’t mean

to bring that up again

go ahead oh wait a minute wait right

there under your hold on let me

under your chair no there’s a card it’s

i think did this fall off the box

uh let’s see it says the eyes the eyes

oh god the eyes

oh god the eyes the eyes i don’t

oh no does that is that who you’re no

those are my those are the lyrics to

like i have a new ep that’s coming out

sorry yeah sorry i put that in an

envelope i was mailing it to myself so

that no one else would steal my lyrics

i’ll just print off another one it’s not

even that big of a deal

for copyright purposes wait you’re you

that’s how you get it

i’ve got to write something down just

give me a second yeah and

you sure yeah

um okay but i keep like does that work

for patents

and trademarks also it never mind

it’s that off topic off topic i think i

think honestly

either that or i had read somewhere

something about like if you dip

something in a bunch of paint

it’s sort of like circumvents copyright

laws and lets you sort of claim it for

yourself

similar to marking your territory as an

answer absolutely

yeah but what i was going to say is

anyway anytime i shake this box like i

feel like there’s something i mean do

you hear

that it sounds like if something

did you because if i keep shaking it

like super hard

you see every time i do that you can

hear this thing like it’s making a

squealing noise

it’s scurrying around i’m just excited

to open it once

once i finally you know meet my sweetie

whoever this is

yeah we can see little uh like

are they the pointy i don’t know if

their teeth but

whatever or i see something making dents

on the side

yeah there’s definitely a lot of looks

like holes but not intentionally poked

air holes more like

holes of something with claws trying to

escape

yeah but i mean like anyway that’s great

i yeah i mean i feel like again

like someone is a secret admirer like i

don’t want to

open it until i know who this is from

and i can open it with them so i think

maybe we should just

maybe seal up these holes a little bit

yeah just you don’t want to spoil the

surprise i mean if you really i brought

a i brought a couple of extra plastic

bags to hold the jostle dumbbells if you

want to just like

tightly wrap that box in one of these

bags that are interiorly coated in paint

that should help you i mean it’s going

to stain the box a little bit but you

know that’s fine you’re going to throw

the cardboard right

oh yeah no i mean this sounds perfect

yeah if we can just stick that in there

and then maybe

like i’ve got a vacuum we can just use

that to sort of make it airtight right

we can just sort of like suck that out

okay and that way now she knows that i

haven’t peeked because i’m like see

it’s in this giant vacuum sealed bag

or heat because i don’t know who this is

from again yeah

yeah yeah you can’t be sure but um okay

with that i feel like we’ve

but it stinks like i can tell you that

yeah and it’s it’s looks like it’s

dripping now as well but not

vaguely corkish smell coming off of that

i’m not

exactly sure but i it stinks to high

heavens

okay so let’s on that note let’s go

ahead and close these up put these away

it definitely feels like there’s some

liquid sloshing around in there but

anyway

uh dude you don’t if we could you know

uh play the

destroying the chore wheel for this week

because we have to do a new one next

week yes

um so last thing uh dr schmeckner

um we need to know how can our listeners

follow you after this how can they keep

up with you well

uh assuming the pending litigation goes

my way uh you can head to

schmecktech.ru.com

uh schmecktech.u that is schmeck spelled

like

schmeckner and tech smelled spelled like

schmeckner but with tech instead uh dot

com and you can find

all kind of if you will yeah it’s like

schmeckiner techno

i mean that was we come the schmechner

techners were my

you know when they came over on the boat

uh

if if for any reason you know i just

spit balling here

if for any reason that doesn’t happen to

be a place you can find me like if you

see like a

like an fbi takedown notice on that

website

then then you know i will probably not

be available anymore to be contacted but

you can reach out to my legal

representative

at charmcitya on twitter at charmcda on

twitter

or check out his podcast at stadia

source the number one source for stadia

news and reviews

and on that note uh i think we’ll

kind of draw things to a close thank you

so much to dr

schmeckner dr arnold schmeckner for

being on the podcast today for bringing

his podcast which you know for for

whatever

fault i may have pointed out you know

there’s still exercise

you know fighting these this obesity

epidemic so we’re always appreciative of

that

uh thank you to cameron our producer

thank you too did you doing the hose

[Music]

you know we’re we’re here after

valentine’s day and and

you know maybe your maybe your tender

swipes didn’t go the way you were

looking

maybe you woke up with markers scrawled

on you outside the home of a woman you

don’t know

and you think to yourself i wonder if

it’s my thighs

i wonder if it’s my thought region

that that turned this person off because

as we all know the thigh shot

is one of the most important shots in

your tenderness

you have to have a good thigh shot or

you just

immediate less swing immediate lessons

from the majority of the day

population you have to have a good thigh

shot

or you just immediate less swipes

immediate left swipes from the majority

of the dating the eligible

population well i mean like every every

woman’s profile

says pam looking for my gym

fluent in sarcasm no thigh shot

no swipe nope my name is Dr. London Smith (.com)

and this is this has been chop chop chop

calcium

[Music]

well that’s just great let’s go out of

town

she said it’ll be fun she said granted

it was a blast

you got to stick your head out the

window as your tongue

rolled out of your big smile basking in

the thrill of the wind streaming in your

face

but then when you got out of the car

she said go on now get

you didn’t understand of course this is

date night

we usually have a candle at dinner with

a glass of merlot

maybe go outside and stare at the stars

but

this anyway once once she started

throwing pebbles at you

it became clear that she wanted you to

go away

so you cannot be sure not not quite

but it seems as if date night is called

off

or maybe this is a test yes yes this

must be a test

time to find your way home speaking of

finding your way home

don’t forget to leave a five star review

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